Moments later, I feel Spike awaken and I pretend to sleep. I can smell his sudden fear, and hear his terrified words. I have to bite back a laugh, but I understand why. I should be furious at him for breaking the Lore... over and over again. Yet I'm not. Why? Because it was the best sex I've had in forever. I gave to him, just as he gave to me. We were equals and nothing could compare to how good it felt. I want him like that again. So I pretend to awaken and I convince him to get back into the bed. He takes... no, makes love to me, and I feel that sensation of completeness return. In fact I get that feeling for hour, after hour. Spike gives up on the worrying and just gives himself over to me. We touch, kiss, fuck, and suck until it all rolled into one giant orgasm. It could not last forever, however. When dusk came I knew we had to part company. Spike has his own agenda and so do I. Yet, I still wanted to experience one last thing with him. I wanted to hunt with my Childe. We haven't done this in over 100 years. When I returned the last time, when he was in that wheelchair, we shared nothing. Not even friendship. This time it shall be different.

We dress in silence, giving each other longing looks as our bodies become covered with soft clothing. I notice that Spike sighs with frustration as I pull my pants up, covering my half erection. I wish we could stay here and have him suck me all night. We can't, however, there are debts to be repaid and I'm anxious to complete them. Still, we shall have one last hunt together.

We leave the hotel, our room looked as if a bomb had dropped. But the pleasure of being a vampire is killing the manager when he complained. My Childe and I were running together on our first hunt for so long. I'd never felt so exhilarated as I do now. My body is humming with desire, pleasure and need. I want to bathe in the blood of humans, bathe and then fuck my Childe in it. Unfortunately, I can't fulfil those desires; Spike has other plans in mind. Soon we shall have to part company.

I shall make the most of this last hunt with him. We had come to the worse part of the city, and to an old dance hall, turned into a screaming nightclub with loud music and flashing lights. A place filled with a mixture of demons, vampires, human junkies, all the low life you could think off. Darla never liked these kinds of places, but Spike loved them. He could touch his victims, seduce them, and fool them into thinking he could save them, and then he'd rip their throats out. Damn, I want him to do that tonight.

We talk little, and most of our conversation is shared glances. This how we communicate, co-ordinating our moves and finding our victims. We roamed the dance floor, the bar, and there we spotted them. Two women. One black haired the other blond. They instantly reminded me of Cordelia and Buffy. Oh yeah, it's gonna be a lot of fun killing them. Both Spike and I share a knowing smile and set our sights on the two women. We take in their smell. They smell of sex, drugs and disease. Spike and I glide over the dance floor and without a word invite the two women to dance. The giggle between themselves, but they take our hands, and we grind together with more sweating human bodies.

My eyes don't pay any attention to the woman in my arms. I touch, caress, hold and move, as I should to seduce her. It isn't her, however, that fills my mind - it's Spike. It's watching him dance, how his body sways and grinds into the female he holds. How I wish he'd dance and grind into my body. I growl loudly, frightening the young girl, who suddenly tries to pull away from me.

"Sire?" Spike jumps around quickly, stopping his dancing to stare at me.

I grab the girl I was dancing with, and in one quick movement sink my fangs into her throat. I suck furiously, until I hear her heart flutter and stop. I throw the dead body aside and snarl at the woman standing by my Childe.

"Mine!" I snarl at her, my fangs dripping the red blood of her friend.

"No..." she mumbles, too scared to do anything else. She tries to pull away from Spike's grasp, for the first time she faces him and looks into his demon's eyes. He snarls and sinks his fangs into her throat. There are screams around us now. Young girls and boys, running from us or tiptoeing away, or too scared to move. Bouncers run across the room, but I don't have eyes for any of them. Only my Childe. My beautiful, evil Childe.

Spike finished his meal and drops the girl. He snarls at me, and laughs though blooded fanged teeth. We grab at each other, our bodies crushing together, our mouths searching out the other's. Fanged teeth cut through lips and we share blood kisses. My hands on his ass grip him to me. I rub my hips into his and moan with the delightful pleasure of his body so close to mine. Spike is frantic with his caressing, his body rocking hard against me, his hands pulling at my shirt, my hair, trying to get closer.

"I wanna fuck you, Childe," I breathe into his mouth. We kiss again; two vampires clinging to each other on a blood spattered dance floor.

"Hey you!" a loud voice interrupts us. "What the fuck do you... Oh, shit!"

I break away from my Childe's mouth and growl at the huge black bouncer. He's just noticed the two dead bodies. There are more shouts around us, and screams of frightened young teenagers.

"Your kind ain't fucking welcome here!" screams another bouncer.

"You have no idea who you're talking too," I snarl back. I break away from Spike, and we stand back to back in a defensive position.

"What a blood sucking fag?" laughs the bigger man. He must have dealt with vampires before, because he pulls a long stake out from the back of his pants.

Well, I just have to laugh. He thinks he can take on my Childe and me?

"Bloody pillocks, eh mate," Spike chuckles into my ear.

"Dead pillocks," I correct him.

The slaughter didn't take long. It's just around an hour until most of the population of the nightclub are either dead, dying or run away. The last to die is the bouncer who insulted me. I ripped his tongue out, and nailed him to the bar before I set him alight. Oh, I have so missed this kind of mayhem. Having a soul means you miss out on the occasional bloodbath. Also it means missing out on the wonderful sensation of being gorged on human blood. I haven't felt this strong for over a century.

"God, I've missed you," Spike breathes, as he suddenly crushes his mouth to mine. Then just as suddenly he jumps away from me as if burned.

"Spike," I answer, reaching out for him. I kiss him harshly, my face changing and my fangs slash my tongue. I push my blood into my Childe's mouth, and he sucks hard. His hands grasp at my body, hugging me close.

It's so strange. At this moment I don't know who I am. Am I Angelus or Angel? I've just killed, but I don't feel the same regret as I did before. Does that mean I'm Angelus? Yet, I don't want to drag the world into hell. Does this mean I'm Angel? Spike makes me feel things, and I don't want to punish him. He makes me feel warm, whole and desired. I want more of it. A feeling which Angel wanted but not Angelus. So just who am I? Angel with a touch of Angelus... Or Angelus with a touch of Angel... A demon who finally can love, or a soul that can finally kill?

"I want you," I mumble into his mouth. We kiss more softly now, little presses against each other lips. Soft and sweet - a strange delineation for two evil vampires, I know. Suddenly, Spike pushes me away and leans over a table. I grin when I get the idea. I reach around him and unzip his jeans, pushing them down his thighs, until I can slide my fingers into his tight hole.

I give a quick check around. No one's here... well, bodies are but I don't think they will be interested. I pull out my own hard cock and slam it inside my Childe's body. Our coupling is harsh, quick and desperate. I want to inside him and fill him full of me, smelling of me. I want my mark on him.

"Please...Sire...Angel..." Spike starts to grunt over and over. His body thrusting back into mine, violently. He called me Angel and yet that doesn't anger me. When I feel my orgasm approaching I lean over his strong back, lick his throat, and when he screams in orgasm, I sink my fangs into his jugular. The bite is deep and hard, different from all my other bites. This is a marking bite. It will scar him, for all eternity. He will leave me, but he will always be with me. I will know he carries my mark, and no one else can have claim on him. He can go anywhere, fuck Buffy for all I care, but he'll always be *mine*.

"Angelus!" Spike screams, as he realises what I'm doing. At first, I'm thinking he's going to buck me off, but he doesn't. In fact, if anything, he presses harder against my body. He wants me to own him. He wants to be mine. I scream in orgasm then, scream with joy and completion.

Spike's POV:

Fucker's marked me! Angelus fucking marked me! Okay, I was enjoying it at the time, but now as he pulls away the reality of the situation hits me. He marked me! For all eternity, I'll carry my Sire's bite. I'll always smell a little like him. It makes us closer, and... Well, the truth is my anger is only on the surface. Underneath, I don't know what I feel. A master vampire will only mark another for protection, or as a favourite Childe.

I pull away from Angelus, and quickly zip up my jeans. I'm shaking all over from the force of that orgasm, but I need answers. I look over at my Sire; his cock now limp as he sinks down into one of the chairs looking very pleased with himself. He reaches over the table next to him, and picks up someone's forgotten wine.

"You marked me..." I gasp, staring at him. He's so calm... so Angel like... yet not. Who the fuck is he? Angelus wouldn't claim me as favourite Childe, would he? He has killed, slaughtered, fed, taken, but he doesn't have the psychotic look in his eye as Sunnydale-Angelus did.

"I wanted you..." Angelus starts, whirling the wine in the glass. He takes a sip, but doesn't answer.

"Why?"

"It's time to go," he stands up and moves as fast as lightening over to me. He kisses my mouth harshly, and then he's gone. And here I am standing flabbergasted and alone, in a bloodbath. I've almost forgotten my own desires for revenge. A part of me wants to follow Angel/us, and find out who and what the fuck he is. I want to know why he marked me? Why did he let me fuck him? Damn it, why does he always leave me so fucking excited, but also frustrated and confused at the same time.

My attention drifts when I hear the siren wail of police cars. It's time to get the hell out of here. My next stop is going to be Sunny Sunnydale and a certain slayer. I laugh, following Angelus' exit out of the building and into the night.

Spike's revenge: Yep, it's now time to carry out my dastardly revenge on Sunnyhell and co. I didn't know how I was going to fulfil it, but Angel gave me an idea. I cleaned myself up, got rid of the leather and denim. I stole myself some normal looking clothing. Black slacks, T-shirt, soft muted grey pullovers and stuff. I even nicked a nice new car, one of those European ones, pretty cool looking, but respectable.

You see, my plan is simple. I tell Buffy my terrible tale of travelling to Africa, and finding a mojo chap to give me a soul just so I can love her. Just so I could be worthy of her love. That I could right all the wrongs I've done, and have real lovey dovey emotions. That I can brood, be regretful and work for my redemption! *Gag* But there you go. She's bound to fall for it. Then the real killer moves in - she loves me, fucks me and then I up and leave her. I use her like she used me. I tell her she's below me. I tell her... I had the best sex ever with Angel... No... No... that won't work. For one it's not true... It can't be true because, then... Then I might just be a little gay... ARGHH! No... Totally into women. Love them! Sex with Angelus was on a Sire basis only.

He was kinda great, though. He was so fucking tight. He kisses like a dream, all teeth, tongue and lips. His hands... wow! His hands are amazing. They get everywhere. They touch as soft as silk, and the next minute he leaves you gasping as he wraps them around your cock and.... Whoa! Stop right there!

No. I tell her that I can't love her. That Buffy is a... complete blond bimbo for letting that amazing piece of meat walk away from her. His cock is huge, and it fills you so completely. I bet he almost tore her in two that night... bitch! How could he fuck her? I mean he could have taken me... I...

No! I've just got to stick to the bloody plan... what was it again?

Angel's revenge: First off Wesley has to die. I'll break into his hospital room, drain him dry... no, I might just snap his neck. Then I'll chop him into little pieces then mail them to Fred, then she'll see just how much forgiveness I have.

Secondly, it's time to pay back Gunn & Fred for... I wonder what Spike is doing? Is he fucking Buffy yet? Bitch! Maybe I should have stayed with him a while longer, there was a nice bloodbath, plenty of booze and blood for us to...

No... I'll pay Gunn and Fred back for all the times they laughed at my pain. Expecting me to forgive the man that took my *son*. I'll never forgive. I'll drain them, then make sure they stay alive until Cordelia and that bastard idiot Groo gets back. Then I'll rip Cordelia's eyeballs out. For sending me on all those fucking waste of time visions. For giving hope when there wasn't any. There wasn't any redemption for me. The powers screwed me, and they'll forever hang out this carrot of forgiveness, and it will never be mine. They give and you think maybe... maybe this is my forgiveness. Maybe I have made some difference, but no! The next second they rip your heart out, and take more than they ever give you. They strip you dry, they take and take and take... take Spike. Oh, I could make love to him in *my friends* blood. I wonder what his skin would be like covered in them. Soft and smooth. His body lithe, but so strong. Those muscles that flex and move as he thrusts into me were *so* amazing to watch. So beauti....

Next! I kill that idiot champion, Groo. Who does he think he is pissing on my pad? Just because he can walk in sunlight. Just because he can do all that while I can't. I can't love. I can't be human. I can't be with anyone. I'm not allowed to... I'm Angelus, who has to fucking pay every single day, for every single wrong that I ever committed, over and over again! Who has every thing I ever loved or wanted ripped from me. Buffy, Connor, love... Will... Oh, Will. My favourite Childe...

After that it's going to be Wolfram & Hart's turn. I'll rip that bitch Lilah's heart out... no wait, already killed her. She was sandwiched between my Childe and I... Spike's mouth was so tasty filled with her blood, his tongue... No! Back to business... I'll send every single employee personally to meet the senior partners in hell! I'll burn them all. I'll... I wonder if Spike will come back to LA? I wonder if he misses me?

No... It's time to work. It's time to go and kill myself a Watcher. Oh... Stripping Will, fucking Will... now that kind of watching would be nice.

Sunnydale - Spike's POV:

What the hell is going on? I leave for what... a few days and the whole world goes to hell. I've discovered Tara is dead, Willow went on the rampage, Giles is back in town, and Dawn might be the next slayer! I tell ya, you can't turn your back on this place. Nothing is where I left it. I walk over to Buffy's house to find the whole gang staying there and recovering from a range of injuries. Buffy greets me all weepy-eyed, but strangely happy. I don't even have to force her into my arms. She's just there, as soon as I arrive. She flings herself on me, weeping tears of relief into my stolen clothing.

"I'm so sorry," she weeps. "I used you terribly. It was all me. I wanted to die; I wanted the world to end. I don't... not anymore. There's so much to live for." She hugs me and then realises that I've been missing. "Where have you been? I sent Dawn..."

I smile and silence her with a soft kiss. "I went to Africa, and fought many battles. I won, they gave me my hearts desire... they gave me my soul..." The words suddenly taste stale on my lips. They are empty words, with empty emotions for a girl I don't really love.

I wanted her. I wanted her to fill the void inside me. She did, she made me feel almost alive again. She made me live, fight, dream, want, and desire. She made me burn for her body, her sex and her company. But I don't love her.

*****
Part 8:

The plans I have for revenge feel suddenly fruitless. I was to love her, lie to her, tell her she was my sun and moon. Tell her my soul loved her with every waking moment. It's all worthless. My revenge won't hurt her - it will hurt me. It's hurting me already. Here I am standing with the girl of my supposed dreams... and I'm thinking of someone else. I'm thinking about how Angel loved her. What Angel did with her. What Angel is doing right now? Is he thinking of me?

Suddenly, I push the Slayer from me. For a time, we were good together, but I'm not what she needs. She's apart of the living and I'm not. I want death, violence and mayhem. I could have that with her, but I want it with someone else. I want to share my un-life with Angel... Angelus... well, whomever he is - I want him.

"Your *soul*?" Buffy repeats amazed. Her bright green eyes shining up at me. She touches my cheek gently and then slides her arm around my neck. Her jumper brushes against the mark of Angelus and a little trail of blood stains it. The touch sends shivers through my body, and I step away from her.

"I came to say goodbye," I mumble. Good grief! I'm a complete idiot. I should be taking this further. I should carry out my plan, but in my heart, I don't want to. "I'm leaving; I have to find myself. You know with all these new emotions and stuff..." I laugh, humourlessly.

"No," she grabs my arm and pulls me nearer. "Spike, we can help you. I can." She looks down at her jumper and notices the blood. "Spike! You're hurt." She pulls me into the kitchen, where Giles is getting a cup of tea. Buffy finds the first aid box, and grabs the alcohol and cotton balls. She's about to clean my mark, but I step away.

"I'm sorry..." I mumble. I sound such a bloody wanker! Yet, I cannot find the words.

"It's a bite," interrupts Giles, staring at my scabbing neck. "A mark," he whispers.

Damn, I should have known the watcher would know about that. Shit!! I immediately cover my neck with my hand and step away.

"A mark?" asks Buffy confused.

"Yeah," I answer.

"Drusilla's mark?" inquires Giles, starting at me like I've just crawled out from under some rock.

"No, my Sire's" I answer.

"But I thought Drusilla was your Sire?" Buffy asks confused.

"I lied... Angelus found us and he finished it..." I mumble, finally admitting the truth.

"Angel?" Buffy whispers. "You've seen Angel. But you said you went to Africa..." she trails off and I think she understands.

"Yeah, I've been to LA and Angel."

"You bastard!" She screams, "did you hurt him? What did you do to him?" She rages, grabbing up a kitchen knife and flying towards me. Giles is faster and pulls her back.

"Buffy, it's not that kind of mark," he informs her, "It's the mark of a favoured Childe." He stares at me, and suddenly I feel like 5 years old.

"I came to say goodbye," I mumble, "I'm going back to LA." Yeah, that's right. I don't need this crap. I can go to LA, search out Angel. "I'm going to work with Angel," I declare loudly, "You know, us soul-ed vampires have to stick together!" I laugh. Giles gives me a strange look, but doesn't say anymore.

"You and Angel are friends?" asks Buffy, amazed.

"Yeah, well you know... Spike hated him, but I'm like... William, now...right and... Well, we get on like a house on fire..." I babble on.

Buffy looks up at me completely confused, but understanding at the same time. "You have to fight with Angel for your redemption." She then does the most amazing thing. She smiles at me. "Spike... William, I'm so happy for you. I hope you make it. I really do." She leans over and kisses my cheek, then merrily and completely oblivious to the truth, hops...well, and walks into the other room.

Giles gazes at me, a look of complete distaste and mistrust. "That was a load of crap, wasn't it," he growls at me, sitting down with his tea.

"Yep," I answer truthfully. For a human, he's damn good at working out the truth.

"You don't have a soul, but you did see Angel..." he confirms, confused.

"Nah, no soul for me, mate, you know that. I'm still Spike, but things have changed."

"Angel has taken you as favoured Childe," he comments again. If he knows all this, why keep saying it.

"Yeah, yeah. I went to see the old man, we shagged each other blind and then he claimed me."

"Is he Angelus?"

"Haven't a clue, mate." Well, it is true. I don't think even my Sire knows that.

"Will you kill Buffy and the others?"

Ah, that's what he's concerned about. He's wondering if Angelus is coming back here to rid the world of the best slayer ever.

"No, he has his own problems," I answer. I lean over and look Giles in the eye. "Look, you never tell Buffy the truth, and I promise never to return here. Angel or me."

He considers a long moment, but nods sincerely. "Okay, I won't tell her anything about either of you, but if you ever come back here - I will kill you." Giles calmly picks up his cup of tea and walks into the living room.

I smile. Yep, it's time to get the hell of Sunnydale and find m' old Sire. I went looking for revenge, but something strange happened on the way. I fell in love. With Angel/us of all people. I wonder what he's doing?

Angelus's (or even Angel's - who knows?) POV:

Wesley's home. Here I stand outside the door, un-wanting or unable to knock. I just stand here, still... waiting. I don't know why. Inspiration? The desire to kill him for taking my son? The need for revenge? Or the need to understand? No... I've got to keep my head straight about this. I go in there and I kill him. It's a plain and simple plan. Go in and kill him. He took something from me and now I take his life.

Yet, I cannot knock. I cannot break the door down. Something is stopping me. My soul? I don't know. I haven't a clue who or what I am. I've killed this night and I don't regret doing it. But I cannot break down this door and kill the man I know is shivering inside.

I can hear him moving about. I'm silent; I don't need to breathe or move. I can listen to his every movement. I can hear his heart beating, shivering because I don't think he can afford the heating. I can hear him... I know he's there... and I cannot move.

Suddenly, the door opens and a haggard looking Wesley stands there in the doorway. "I knew you'd come," he says, his voice a harsh whisper. His throat still looks sore, and the wound will leave a lovely scar. "I've been waiting..."

"Have ye now," I say in my broadest Irish accent.

That frightens him. I smell a sudden whiff of fear, but then it's quickly suppressed. He knows what vampire senses are like. He knows I smell him, hear him, feel him...

"You've come to kill me," he rasps, his eyes showing the slightest hint of confusion. No... Not confusion about me killing him, but just who is standing at his door.

"Hmm..." I hum. I take a step forward, and no barrier stops me. He hasn't done a reversal spell, his offer of welcome into his home still stands. I enter freely. Wesley steps back, and for the first time I notice him. His face is drawn, he is unshaven, his clothing dishevelled and he has a slight whiff of uncleanness. It's clear he's not looking after himself... yet, I cannot understand why. I look across his apartment, and notice the boxes that Fred packed for him from the office. There was pottery and books, all broken and ripped across the floor.

"Angelus..." Wesley asks. He's beginning to look a little nervous.

"Ah...that's the question..." I laugh, my voice returning to normal. It's been so long since I've had an Irish accent, that it sounds so strange falling from my lips. "Tell you the truth...I don't know!" I laugh harshly, and it causes Wesley to jump back slightly.

"I...I..." Wesley stutters, looking around, I assume, for a weapon.

I step forward, until we are face to face. I stare into his eyes, we are the same height and our faces are level. I want to say something to him. I want to tell him what I have planned for his grisly death. Yet, that isn't the question that comes out of my mouth. It's...

"Why?"

"What?" Wesley stutters, definitely looking a little pale.

"Why!" I yell into his face. "Was it because you were jealous? That I could have a son, is that it? Because believe me, Wesley, I don't know. I don't understand! Why the fuck did you take him? Why?!" I grab his shirt and pull him nearer. He doesn't even try to fight. "It's because of the demon, isn't it! You never trusted me. You lied to me. You lied to me on Pylea. You wanted to destroy what I had, because you believed I wasn't worthy! You took him from me!" I'm screaming now. It feels like my heart... my soul is being ripped from me all over again. I want to kill him. I want to wrap my hands around his scarred neck and twist. It would be so easy. I've done it so many times before. Just crush...

"You never gave me a chance," he sobs. "You know why I lived after Justine slit my throat? To tell you. I needed to live to see my friends again. To explain to the people I trusted... and loved... my side of what happened. You never gave me a chance."

"You took my son! You let me say goodbye to him. You told me just for one night. We were alone... there where so many fucking chances you had to tell me! You didn't. You lied and never told me a fucking thing!" I scream. My head is pounding, and I know I'm in vamp face.

"It wasn't... the right... moment..." he gasps through his tears.

"How many fucking moments do you need!" I scream... then I step back. Well, stumble really. For the first time in so many days, I don't know what to do. I wanted to kill them all. I wanted my soul gone. I wanted revenge. The trouble is... Wesley is already suffering. I can see it. It's all around me, his broken beloved tea set, and his physical state... Wesley is suffering in so many ways, in ways deeper than any pain I could give him.

"I thought I was saving him... and you. I thought just by taking him away for a little while, just to make sure he would live. I couldn't face you killing him, Angel. It would have destroyed you. I knew you'd end your own existence if anything happened to him. I knew you loved him with every part of your being. I wanted to save you from that. I wanted to save you both. I didn't know... I never dreamed the prophecy would be false. I've spent so much of my life studying them," he laughs bitterly, "They were almost like a bible to me, a map to the future, and how I could help the people I... loved."

Wesley collapses onto his sofa as he finishes his speech. I'm completely frozen as he tells me what he'd been thinking when he took my son. Now, I just collapse into a chair opposite him. Then I start to laugh. I can't help it... and I can't stop either. The laugher is hysterical, the sound of a mad man. Which I might well be. Since I don't know if I have a soul or not. Or if I am Angelus or Angel.

"Angel..." Wesley asks a little startled. He's looking much more worried that he was before. I've gone and done something completely unexpected.

I move as fast as any vampire my age and in seconds I have him pinned to the sofa. The length of my body presses against his. He gives a little girly scream as I crush him under my weight. I look down into his wide, terrified eyes. He's thinking if now is the moment I'm going to kill him. Am I going to drain him dry or snap his neck? I can almost hear him wondering what his death might be. He's going to be wrong on all counts. Because I lean over and... kiss him.

Not just a peck on the cheek, either. No. I press my lips to his, and try to push my tongue into his mouth. Wesley struggles under me, his hands beating against my back. I rest my full weight upon him, and he gasps, allowing my tongue into his mouth. It has been so long since I've kissed a warm, mortal mouth. My hands clutch at his hair, tilting his head just right so my tongue can penetrate deeper. He moans, gasping under me, his struggling becoming desperate as he tries to breath. His hands tear at me even more frantically as I rub my hardening length into his thigh.

Suddenly, I pull away from his mouth, my face rippling from human to vampire, from vampire to human. He stares up at me with uncomprehending eyes.

"You really don't know who you are, do you?" he gasps.

It was a question I didn't expect. I was expecting him to beg for his life, or for me not to rape him... something along those lines. Not that question. He reaches out gently and touches my face. It feels like my skin cannot decide what it is demon or human. It's actually starting to hurt.

"Angel?" he asks calmly.

I tremble above him. "I don't... don't..." I mumble. My head is throbbing, and I feel the bloodlust start to burn through me. The demon wants to feed, and yet... I can't! I feel something else burning its way into my brain - grief. I feel my eyes starting to sting and a drop of water drips onto Wesley's face. His arms hold me, but one hand moves away and touches my face. He wipes away the tears with his fingertips.

"It's okay, Angel. It's okay to grieve," he whispers. He rolls us over, so we lay face to face along his sofa. He holds me tight, strong human arms wrap around me and I bury my face into his shoulder. My body is wracked with the sobs of my pain. The pain of grief, of opportunities I'll never have with my son. I'll never see him grow up. I'll never see his teenage tantrums. I'll never have the joy of grandchildren. I blamed Wesley for all of this. The truth is... it was no body's fault. Not mine and not his. We both wanted what was best for Connor.

Connor. It's the first time I've been able to even think his name without breaking down. Now, I'm filled with all the memories I have of him. All the love I felt - the soul and the demon felt.

"I miss him," I weep into Wesley's arms.

"I know. I do too," he reassures me, kissing my forehead.

It's morning and I awaken before Wesley. We're still entwined on the sofa, his head now resting on my chest in sleep. I feel warm and I don't want to leave his heat. I do, however. I'm hungry, and strangely I don't want to eat him. So I eat his next door neighbour. I never even thought about doing it. It was just like my body was on automatic. I was hungry - I killed. I try and figure out what I feel about that, but I can't make sense of the emotions and sensations that fill my brain. So I push them away. To help me think straight I make breakfast - for Wesley. I did have to steal a few items from the now dead neighbour, but in the end I make a good English breakfast.

Wesley slowly opens his eyes to see a plate full of eggs, bacon, and fried bread. He rubs his sleep-blurred eyes, and then they find mine. He's surprised I'm still here, and he's still alive. Then he seems to accept the situation and starts to eat his breakfast.

"I'll never understand how you can be a good cook, Angel," he says with his mouth full of bacon.

"I like the smell, but it doesn't taste of much," I comment, as I continue to watch him. He smiles lightly at me and I get a strange warmth inside. I know now that I don't want to kill him. I want him...

"Can I fuck you, Wesley?" I ask, leaning over and gazing into his deep hazel eyes.

"What?!" Wesley chokes out. He coughs but manages to swallow his bacon.

"Would you want me to?" I question, my eyes turning from dark brown to deep gold. I want to watch him squirm. I want him to... wait, what am I doing?

"No!" he yells. He watches me closely and notes the changes. He calms himself remarkably quickly and sits back down. He surprises me, because he doesn't smell afraid. "Angel, who did you sleep with?" he inquires casually, as he continues to eat his breakfast.

"Spike," I answer directly. "I claimed him too."

"Did you lose your soul?"

*****
Part 9:

"I don't... don't know..." I answer slowly. I try and search inside for an answer, but I can't really say. I still feel that Wesley is my friend and I want his friendship. At the same time I look back at what I've done, and I don't feel any guilt or regret. I've killed, murdered, and fucked Spike in human blood. I just don't care anymore. I want to feel what I felt with Spike. I want his fire, his strength surrounding me. I want to bask in his light. Yes, I know he's evil, murderous and all that, but I want to...

"Fuck!"

"Huh?" asks Wesley again, a little more concerned this time.

"I claimed, Spike!" I shout, "I love him!"

I feel dizzy and scared all at the same time. I'm not angsty, but I can still love? Can Angelus the demon love, or was that only Angel's domain. That's the big question isn't it - who am I? Angelus? Angel? Neither or both?

"Look, I think it's best we both went back to the Hyperion, and..." Wesley starts speaking, but I really don't pay any attention until he says 'Hyperion'.

"No!" I jump to my feet and start to pace. Something burns inside me. I don't want to see them. My supposed human friends. It was only Wesley who was ever truthful to me. All the others... well, ever since my little tiff with Darla, all I do is suck up to them. At least with Wesley I always knew where I stood, and what he thought of me. Unlike Cordelia, especially. She says she's not my friend. Then she belittles my love for Buffy. I'm so fucking tired of trying to please them. So tired of putting on a 'happy face' just so I don't get the - "Angel, stop brooding again!" line. Now, I just don't care. The demon in me wants to punish them. I want to... kill them or just beat them raw? I haven't decided yet.

"Angel, they need to know what is happening..."

"NO! I don't want to see them!"

"You want to kill them, don't you? Just like you want to kill me," he comments, cleaning up his plate. It's so amazing that he can be so calm with a vampire that might or might not kill him at any second.

"I don't want to kill you. I'm just not... I don't think I'm Angel anymore. I can't be him for them again."

"No plans to drag the world into hell?" inquires Wesley, as he takes his now empty plate into the kitchen.

"Why does everyone have to drag that up? One little slip up and everyone throws it into my face forever," I grumble.

"Angel, seriously," Wesley turns to face me, and surprisingly he puts his hand on my arm, "I can't let you kill them. They are... well, were my friends. I don't want them dead, just as I don't want you dead. But I just can't..."

"I won't kill them," I promise, "I might play with them a little," I grin at his shocked face, but he accepts my word.

"So what are we going to do?" He asks grabbing his books.

"First off, you are not going to re-soul me."

"I think the soul is still there," he replies.

Yeah, well not so sure about that. "Second, I like working for you. You pay me and I help, but nothing more. The rest of my time is mine, and also nobody stakes me for eating dinner. I just won't kill anyone we help."

Wesley stares at me for a long moment. I don't think he expected me - Angelus - to want to work for him. The truth is I like the work. I like fighting, beating people up and working at Angel Investigations. It allows me all the violence I could ever desire.

"You want to be my employee... my muscle?" he asks, dropping the book on the floor.

"Yes." I grab up my coat. I have business to attend to, also I'm hungry, and I don't think he'll like me killing all his neighbours. "You have Angel Investigations, do whatever you want with it." I walk towards him and put on my darkest scowl. "You tell them I won't hurt them, but they stay out of my way. I only work for you."

"Okay," he squeaks. I know that deep down Wesley's whole life evolves around Angel Investigations and me. If he was denied that, there would be nothing more for him.

"I have my cell phone. You want me, you know the number. Otherwise, I have a favoured Childe to find," I smirk at him, and leave, closing the door behind me. Just before I go, I smell the sudden whiff of arousal... hmmm... going to have to remember that Wesley likes the tough Angelus side.

Spike's POV:

I'm back in LA and the same hotel room that I shagged Angel in. I arrived early this morning and half expected Angel to be here waiting for me. He wasn't. So I killed the bellhop, and sat and sulked for half the day. I was thinking of leaving when there was a sudden knock on the door. I wanted it to be Angel.

"Mr Spike?" A young man stands outside the hotel door, looking a little nervous. I know why - he's a minion vampire and I'm his elder. "Angelus sent me," he mumbles, scared to death. Oh, that's why. He's not scared of me but Angelus. I wonder if he's planning on sending the world into hell, yet?

"What the fuck do you want?" I snap back.

The young vampire swallows nervously and hands me a key. It's to a room down the hall. "Angelus wants you to meet him here," he tells me. The vampire then turns and runs down the hall as if the devil himself was chasing him.

What the fuck is going on? I turn the key over in my hands and just stand there dumb struck. Why didn't Angelus come here himself. Why send a minion? Does this mean he is Angelus and no longer Angel? Damn it, I have to understand. I need to know who he is and if he wants me. I want the person I shagged in this room. I want the vampire Sire that hunted with me, that fucked and claimed me in the middle of a bloodied dance hall. I want the man that let me make love to him for the first time.

I've decided to take a chance. I walk down the corridor to the door number that matches the key. Outside, I pause a moment. If I go in there is no turning back. I either fight him or... What? I sigh, and unlock the door.

Stepping inside it's dark and there are just a few candles burning around the room. That certainly breaks hotel regulations. I smell a strong scent of honeysuckle, and under that something more... Angelus' arousal. And what a sweet smell it is. I'm drawn across the room, but I still can't see him. What is he doing? I look around and nothing. Where the fuck is he?

I sit down on the bed and touch a naked foot. What the... I jump to my feet and turn to face the bed.

"Holy shit!" I shout. This is unbelievable. No... I have to be dreaming. This can't be real. There is Angelus chained to the bed. He's spread-eagled on the bed, his limbs chained to the four corner posts. He's totally naked too. His long hard cock, fully erect and pressing into his stomach. His body relaxed and then I look up into his face. He's smiling at me!

"What... What..." I stutter.

Angelus rolls his eyes, and then laughs softly. "Is that all you can say?"

"But... But..." Good grief, I sound like a complete dimwit. I just can't get over the sight of my Sire chained to the bed. Angelus has chained himself to the bed! You know my batty Sire, who tried to send the world into hell; is chained to the BED!

"What are you waiting for, Will?" he asks, smirking at me. "I'm waiting here for you to claim me."

"Fuck!" I cry. In one second, I strip off my clothing and stand before him as naked as he is. He smiles again, and I see a shadow of Angel in his eyes. I wonder who he is. I wonder... What the hell, I'm just going to go with what comes. If he is Angelus or even Angel, I don't care. He's chained to the bed, (which I really can't process just yet,) and wanting me to claim him. ME! His Childe, Spike.

"Will," he begins, but I stop him by holding up my hand.

"No talking luv," I grin. If possible Angelus cock becomes even more erect. Oh, he likes a little domination, does he? I lean down and pick up my jeans. He is looking a little confused, but smirks as I pull out my belt. I wrap the end around my hand and walk around the bed. "You left me." I tell him. "You deserted me. I won't let you ever do that again."

"Never," he whispers. His large dark eyes staring into mine, burning with lust.

"You claimed me, without my permission. You fucked me, and then left me. You'll never do that again." I swing the belt down hard, and it slaps against his naked chest.

"Ohhh...Never, Will" he cries. "I'll never leave you!" I whip him again, this time harder and leaving a beautiful line of bloody welts along his chest.

"You are mine!" I scream, as my belt impacts with his flesh again. He arches off the bed, and moans. Damn, he's so fucking beautiful. Angelus feeds off pain, and he's getting off on my domination of him. I wonder if he can love like Angel did too. I whip him a few more times, and watch as I leave bloody marks across his perfect skin. Finally, I throw the belt aside, and kneel beside him on the bed.

"Angel?" I ask. He just grunts as I run my hand over his wounds. I bring it to my mouth and lick away his powerful blood. He has a strange taste. He doesn't taste like he did before when we first shagged. I can taste his latest victim, but I can also taste something emotional there.

"I love you, Spike," he sighs, his eyes closing as I touch him again. He arches into my touch, and moans as my fingers once again slide over his bloodied chest.

It was love I taste in his blood. For me... He loves me. Which means he can't be Angelus, and yet he killed which means he can't be Angel.

"Who are you?" I ask, as my fingers dig into the slash marks.

"Willlll...." he moans, his eyes closing in pleasure with the pain I'm causing him. "I am yours," he answers.

Oh, what the hell! Does it really matter who he is? He promised to stay with me. He promised to love me, and that's all I want from him. Forget about forgiveness and revenge, they don't matter. This matters. Him and me. That's all there is. The outside world can go to hell for all I care. I have this man to call my own forever!

With one movement, I'm straddling his hips, and kissing him fully on the lips. His mouth opens wide for me, and I slip my tongue inside. He has fed recently, and I clean his mouth of all residues. I need to fuck him. I need to be inside my beloved when I claim him. I reluctantly pull away from his mouth, and turn around. His legs are stretched wide open, a good position but not what I want. I want him to hold me while I take him. With a quick tug, I break the chains holding his ankles.

"What?" he mumbles, his eyes opening and staring confused into mine. "I thought..." His words trail off as I bend his legs and push them up against his chest. He finally grins when he understands what I want.

I position my weeping cock at his entrance. This is going to hurt him, but pain to a vampire is just another turn on. My fingers press against his tight, almost virgin-like opening, and he grunts softly.

"Oh, yes... Will..." he moans.

I push in two fingers, one from each hand, and hook them inside. I pull his anus apart, and he screams in pain. When I've parted him, I position myself at the reddened entrance and slam inside.

"Fuck! Yes! Will!" he yells. He writhes on the bed under me. His body trembling with the strength of my entry, and the passion that overtakes him.

"Wrap your legs around me," I pant. He's so tight I could have come when I entered him. I stare down into his pleasured face as he follows my command. His long legs wrap around my waist and holds me to him. I lean down over his body, his cock crushed between us. I really want to start thrusting, but I need something first. Finally, we are pressed chest to chest, and I look directly into his lusty eyes.

"You'll be mine?" I ask.

"Yes," he pants out. His body begging me to take him. "Please, Will..." he moans. His hips try and thrust up against mine, but I don't move.

"You'll never leave me, ever. I'll come first before all your human pets." I won't have him leaving me again. I'm laying down the law this time. I'm not the young fledgling Angelus left over a century ago. I am a master vampire, and he will start treating me as an equal.

"Yes, only you Will. I love only you. I'll never see them again if you don't want me too."

"You'll hunt with me, kill with me. You'll wear my mark forever."

"Yes!" he cries out. "Please Will, please fuck me..." His body bucks under me, trying to get some movement in. He moans loudly as my cock presses harder against his prostate. "Fuck me... fuck me..." he starts to chant.

Damn, if he isn't so gorgeous and all mine too! Well, I am his as well. I wear his mark. He'll be wearing my mark, too. We will do something vampires hardly ever do. We'll mate. Most vampires never even think of mating with another. Most vampires don't have souls, feelings, and love. I've come to realise that Angel and me aren't like most vampires. We are unique. I don't have a soul, but I feel love and desire. Angel has a soul, but he can kill and fuck me in the blood of others. We belong together. Forever!

With one swift movement, I bury my fangs into his corded throat, and orgasm as his blood fills my mouth. Angel howls in anger, his cock still hard and dripping onto my chest. I make sure my teeth cut firmly into his throat and I know it's going to scar. I don't understand how marking works, but sometimes when a vampire bites another, if we want it to scar it just does. And I want my scar to be very deep and predominate on Angel's throat. Just as his is on mine.

"Will!" he screams, wanting desperately to come.

I feel my cock growing harder again inside him, the hard shaft pushing against his prostate. He moans and bucks beneath me. Finally, I pull my mouth away from his throat and howl. Passion over takes my body and I withdraw from his anus, then thrust back in with punishing force. Angel yells in pleasure, as I rip into him. His cool blood flowing over my cock. I pull out and then thrust in, again and again.

"Yes... Yes..." he starts to chant.

I laugh at this heavenly looking creature below me. He's mine. Just as I am his. Forever. Suddenly, Angel cums, his wad covering my chest. He growls deeply, as his eyes turn from brown to deep gold. He bares his fangs, begging me to take him hard. I crush his body to the bed, his arms pulled taut, and the muscles budging. I pound harder inside him, hitting his perfect place, and feel his length harden against me. I know I'm going to climax soon, and when I do I want him to follow me.

"Mine!" I howl.

"Mine!" he growls back.

With a couple more flesh rendering thrusts, I spill inside him again. It's a wonderful feeling, as my cum floods his tight passage and drips out onto the bed. My smell is embedded within him for eternity.

My hand takes hold of Angel's hard penis and with a couple of pumps he yells his release and covers my hand. He collapses back against the bed; my softening cock still intimately connected to him. He pants, his body still trembling from the aftermath of his powerful orgasm. I fall down beside him, aching with my spent passion.

"Unchain me," he whispers.

"Nope," I grin. He gives me a harsh look, and pulls on the chains. They look stronger than the ones around his ankles. I broke those easily, but these are withstanding Angel's struggles.

"Spike, unchain me!" he commands, his voice rising.

"No way, I haven't finished yet." I let my hardening cock slip from his torn passage, and replace it with four fingers. Angel howls, his struggles interrupted with loud moans as I thrust my fingers in and out of him. "You haven't learned all the joys of sex, yet."

"I've been doing it far longer that you have, boy!" he growls back. His face a picture of passion and anger.

"But I'm your first," I answer sweetly, "We haven't done rimming, fisting, or even butt plugs, yet."

"Childe!" he yells furiously. "Let me up!"

"Nope," I answer happily, as I slip my thumb inside him. I sit back and stare at my hand disappearing inside my Sire's body. Angel thrashes and arches of the bed as I curl my fingers into a fist. I watch in amazement at how fast his erection returns. He's really into this. I start a hard rhythm, increasing slowly in strength, until I'm pounding my knuckles against his throbbing prostate. He screams and spills his opaque seed across his chest.

"Spike!"

That's it! Scream my name. Beg me to stop. I won't. I plan to just keep going. I continue to thrust inside him, and decide that I'm going to keep this up all night. Angel, or even Angelus, is going to learn just whom he belongs to. He'll never leave me. I am his and he'll know he's mine.

Forever!

*****
Part 10:

Wesley's Diary:

It's amazing how things never turn out how you expect them too. It's been two months since I've returned to running Angel Investigations. It was hard to begin with. I had to explain my actions to everyone. Cordelia and Groo were all a little confused about what had been happening. Fred and Gunn were disapproving of what I had done, but truthfully I don't care what any of them think. I did what I thought was right. My concern was not for them, but for Angel and Connor's well being. I couldn't bear anything happening to them. It is true what Angelus thinks about me. I love him. I always have.

The worse part was when I informed the rest of AI about what had happened to Angel. At first Gunn and Cordelia were ready to go hunt him down and kill him. I explained to them that Angel still had his soul, but had chosen a new path. He has chosen to be with Spike, his Childe. They couldn't understand that. They became even more infuriated when Angel arrived to help me with a case, with Spike hanging around him. Well, hanging on his body, would be more correct. It became clear that both vampires' had claimed each other, just by the way they touched, kissed and groped each other. It became annoying because they did it all the time. But I think it was only to hurt the others, only to drive the stake home so to speak, that Angel had moved on and only wanted Spike. It was the first time I'd ever seen a mated pair. They are very scarce or so I believe.

Angelus/or Angel didn't mix with any of his old friends. He helped out, fought and killed with great efficiency anyone I sent him after. I paid him, and then both he and Spike would disappear until I called them again. The strange thing is... I've never seen him so happy. He is complete with Spike. They are complete together. Each partner compliments the other. They are in truth one being.

Connor returned a few weeks after Angel and Spike were reunited. Father and son gave each other a cold reception, but Angel did tell him, no matter what, he'd always love him. After that Connor came to live with me. Angel comes around at times to visit him. They talk a little, but Connor doesn't trust him. At one point we discovered Holtz dead, and Connor believed his father had killed him. This was disproved when I discovered Angel and Spike had killed a few junkies on other side of the city at the time, and Connor accepted the truth. After that I sent Angel out to kill Justine, and the problems with Connor disappeared over night. He and his father are relearning about each other. Connor even enjoys Spike's company of all people. To me, Angel has given me the greatest gift. His son. Connor lives with me and I have become like an uncle to him.

Sometimes, I miss the family I once had. With Angel, Cordelia, Gunn, and Fred. Things have changed as they always do and now I have a new family. I have Connor, Angel/us and Spike. I run Angel Investigations and then I come home to them. Angel and Spike have recently taken to appearing at my flat. Maybe so Angel can spend time with Connor, but I don't know for sure. Also, it would be the first time I have awakened sandwiched between two cool bodies. I'm not saying if anything else happened, it would be un-gentlemanly of me. Let's just say that sometimes it's just nice to watch...

It's strange how Angel has given up on revenge and forgiveness. He lives for Spike and has found a kind happiness. After all, he is a vampire, and he's happier being true to his nature. Yes, he hunts, kills and rejoices in the blood with Spike, but he still helps me fight evil. He's reliable and always there. Which is really strange for an almost evil bloodsucking vampire. Yet, I couldn't bear to see him return to what he once was. An ensoul-ed vampire who suffered the weight of too much grief and pain...

I pause with my pen resting against the page. Maybe I should talk about my relationship with him. Then again the watchers would never understand that. I still write my diary. I write about Connor, Spike and Angel. They are my family now.

"Wesley, the beds getting cold!" whines Angelus from the other room. I hear him and Spike grunt and moan together. I know what they are doing, just as Connor must in his bedroom across the hall. He complains heavily about his father's sexual activities. He's asked for soundproofing more than once.

I put down my pen. The diary can wait, at this moment I want to feel the heat of passion that Spike and Angel create in me. I want to be with my family.

For all eternity.

The End.