*****

Spike's POV: Seeing Red.

I know now what I have to do. I'm going to change Buffy's mind. I'll find a way where she will accept me, like it or not. I don't care what it takes. She makes me feel - something that only two other people ever did for me. They all left me. Well, this time I'm taking matters into my own hands. This time it's going to be different. I'm leaving Sunnydale. I've packed my stuff, and I have a destination in mind. Oh, yeah... things will really start to change then. For me - they'll change for the better. For everyone else - well, we'll just have to wait and see.

I pause just before the Sunnydale lights lose themselves into the myriad false stars across the landscape. I'm not leaving for good - I'll be back. I look over my home of the last few years, taking one last drag of my fag, before flicking it onto the asphalt.

"Get nice and comfy Slayer. I'll be back. And when I am... it's all gonna change." I grin, and for the first time I really feel like my old self. Yeah, the big bad is back in business. I rev the bike's engine and pop it into gear. Without looking back, I speed away from Sunnydale, towards my salvation.

L.A. and a certain law firm called Wolfram and Hart.

Angel's POV: Forgiving

"You took my son. YOU TOOK MY SON!" I screech, as the humans pull me away from the traitor that destroyed my life. He took the only thing that meant anything to me. My son was the only person who's ever really been mine. Darla never was. Buffy certainly wasn't. Cordelia never will be. Connor was, and they took him from me. Wesley took him!

I fight and rage against these people who would deny me my revenge. They want me to forgive him. Forgive him!? He took my son! Where does forgiveness come anywhere into that? He took my reason for living. He robbed me off my salvation, my redemption, and my shanshu. That child was my forgiveness and he stole it from me. Forever!

The nurses, Gunn, Fred and an orderly drag me away from my nemesis. They pull me away from my salvation. I want him dead and only then can I follow Connor into oblivion. But they won't even give me that freedom.

They want me to forgive!

"I'll never forgive you, never... I'LL KILL YOU!!" I scream, as they drag me out of Wesley's room, thus saving his life. Fred is screaming and crying. What the hell does she know? He took *MY* son.

"You're a dead man. YOU HEAR ME!! DEAD!"

Just as I am dead. Dead inside. Dead outside. Dead in my heart. My last remnant of humanity died with my child.

DEAD... DEAD... DEAD...

Spike's POV:

Oh... Yeah! Here I stand before Wolfram and Hart. The answer to all my problems. My salvation. Yep, they are sure going to want to take this chip outta my head. I mean they wanted Angelus, didn't they? They sure as hell won't be saying no to the other half of the scourge of Europe - William the Bloody - aka Spike - aka me! This is my ticket out of stupid human emotions. They take the bloody chip out and I'm back to being bad. I'm me again. I puff up my chest and walk confidently into the front lobby... what the fuck?

As soon as I enter Wolfram and Hart, two dozen-security guards with huge wooden stakes and tazers surround me. Ah, guess they have their own security. After I explain who I am - bastards had no idea; surely they are just pulling my leg - they speak to someone in charge. Everyone knows about the Scourge of Europe - Darla, Angelus, Drusilla and Spike, don't they?

Half an hour later, I'm brought before a tall, dark haired woman. Immediately she gives off unscrupulous vibes. Real bitch that one. I like her already.

"So, you're William the Bloody, also known as Spike," she comments, while giving me a luscious grin.

"Yep, also known as the other part of the Scourge of Europe, thank you very much," I grin, morphing into vamp face. Bint doesn't even bat an eyelid.

"Ah yes, so you told us." She leans over her desk and picks up a large file. "Currently, we believe that you are totally... shall we say, unable to perform as a vampire. You managed to get yourself chipped by those impotent solider boys once called The Initiative. In other words," she grins, and casually bares her throat, "you are of no use to anyone, including us."

I snarl and bare my fangs at her. "Yeah, that's why I'm here. You helped Drusilla my Sire, and now you can help me. Of course, I expect to pay for it."

"Oh, wait..." she laughs. "You want us to remove the chip? What do you think you can give us?"

"The Slayer?" I sneer.

"Uhm... interesting... but no, I'm afraid it's not good enough," she laughs. She settles herself into her chair, and plays with a disk.

"What else?"

"What do you mean?" I ask confused. Surely the Slayer, a great force for good, would be a great asset to them. They do want to stop Angel don't they; surely stopping the slayer too would... Hold on. Ohhh... no! No way!

"You say that Drusilla is your Sire," she comments, turning the small disc over in her hands. "Now, if you could amend that to the truth then maybe we can do business."

I stand up, lean over the desk, and snarl at her. "No! No way. I'm not getting involved with him ever again. He's not my Sire. He's..."

"Give us Angel and we take the chip out," she interrupts, smiling sweetly.

I pause a moment and sit back down again. "I give you Angel and you get rid of the chip, forever." I confirm. "Why Angel?"

"Ah, Angel," she repeats wistfully, "well, it's not really Angel we want. It's Angelus we want."

"Angelus! That bastard! You do know he's completely batty, don't you?"

"Angelus is a key player in the upcoming apocalypse. He..."

"Yeah, Yeah. I've heard it all before. That's not my concern. The trouble is... how the hell do you expect me to bring you Angelus? We hate each other!"

The tall lady leans back, and flicks her hair into place. "Now we both know that wasn't always true. This little disc holds poetry, written by a certain William the Bloody to his beloved Sire, Angelus."

Oh shit! They can't have that. I was sure I burned it. Oh bloody hell! This is *so* embarrassing.

"It sounds like you and your *Sire* Angelus, had quite the torrid romance. I'm sure you can find a way to rekindle that fire, Hmm?"

Great! They want me to seduce Angel and bring back Angelus. What is the probability of that? Easy - none! Angel hates me. Angelus can't stand me. Damn it! But what bloody choice do I have? Go back to Sunnydale and beg the Slayers' forgiveness. Be the properly little whipped vampire, that she can lead around on her little leash! I'm not Angel!

"Fine! I bring you Angel and you take the chip out, deal?"

"Deal," she confirms. She holds her hand out and hands me a card. The name says: Lilah Morgan. "When you have completed your mission, return here with Angelus and we'll take the chip out."

"Fine," I mumble again, taking the card and shoving it into my pocket.

The guards lead me out of the office and down to the basement of the building. There I'm shoved out into the sewers with little ceremony. Just bloody great! All my life Angelus gets thrown in my face one way or another. I was never good enough for him, and now all I'm good for is bait so Wolfram and Hart can reel him in.

Blast it to hell - my life sucks!

Angel's POV:

Bugger it - my life sucks!

These American bars are nothing like the pubs and taverns back home. I used to love those warm, comfortable places. No blaring music, no stupid cocktails. It was just ale, mead and later on Guinness and Carling Black label. Even women were few and far between. You had the voluptuous bar maid - but any women with class were never seen in a pub. The English pub was a perfect place to get plastered, which is what I'm attempting to do now. Except I keep getting interrupted. If its not women, it's men trying to make a pass at me - asking me to dance or buy me an alcoholic lemonade. Whatever they are supposed to be. I send them all away and hide myself in the deepest, darkest corner of the bar.

Here I can watch humanity pass by. Watch these little humans scurrying about their daily business. Working, loving, growing old, having children... Sometimes I wonder if he would have been like these humans one day. Connor was fully human. He would have gone to school, had friends...

Fuck it! Connor's dead and gone, and he's never coming back! Fucking humans took him from me. They deserve to die, and what do I get? 'Angel - Wesley needs for your forgiveness.' What about what I need? It's my life that's been destroyed because Wesley listened to one measly word. *Kill* The father shall *kill* the son. Did he really believe that I - Angel - a soul, who fought for good, that tried to make amends, would kill my redemption? I know I made mistakes last year, but I've made up for them. Or so I thought. But they will never trust me. They laugh at my pain. Take Buffy. When I went to see her and tell her that I still loved her, but nothing's changed between us - that we couldn't be together - what did I come back to? Their laughter and their scorn. I ignored that. Ignored so many little things that cut me to the core. They are just human; I though, they are fallible like me. Things will get better. They never did.

Now, all I want is an end to my suffering. I want Wesley dead, my son back and an end to the pain inside. I'll never get those things. Never!

"More Guinness!" I shout at the bartender. Moments later, two more pints appear on the table and I throw down a hundred dollar bill. "Keep them coming," I tell him.

"Well, well, well," a voice speaks from before me.

I can't be bothered to look up and I wave the person away. "Fuck off!"

"Now, that's a word that doesn't usually pass your saintly lips. Wherever did you learn such language, Peaches?" the voice laughs, in an English accent.

"Here's another word: Piss off!" I finish off my pint of Guinness and start on the next.

"You know, Peaches," Spike says sitting down next to me. "You are a hard man to find... No, scrub that. I only had to follow the Irish stink of Guinness and here you are."

"Fuck off Spike, before I have to kill you," I slur, drinking down my second pint. I signal the bartender and he prepares more.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try, pet," Spike laughs, lightening up a cigarette. He orders a drink, and moments later my two Guinness appear with his lager.

"I could kill you in..." I give up. I pick up a new pint of Guinness and start drinking again. Tears blur my vision and I wipe them away with an angry hand.

"You know I went over to that hotel you're living in now. Pretty gruesome place. I just bet Angelus had some say in picking that place. Well, anyway... while there, I come across these two humans. A black chap and mousy looking girl. They thought I was a client," Spike laughs and takes another drink. "I saw the pentagram on the floor, pet. Pretty heavy magic you were casting there."

"Spike, Piss off and leave me alone. Go back to bothering, Buffy!" I finish the pint and reach for my next. My hand misses the glass and I lean drunkenly over the table.

"Whoa, just how many have you had?" asks Spike, while pushing me up into a sitting position.

"Not enough," I answer, this time my hand connects with the glass, and I bring it to my lips. "It will never be enough."

"What happened?" asks Spike.

For the first time I really notice him. His question was not full of anger, or sarcasm, it actually sounded... concerned? A question that a friend might ask you, not your mortal enemy. Once we were comrades, hunting partners, lovers... I don't think we were ever friends. Even our partnership died with the last re-mergence of Angelus. Angelus... It's strange that with the disappearance of Connor, even he has been quiet. I think that my demon loved this human child, for whatever reason. Maybe he would have corrupted him, turned him evil, I don't know - but I do know that both my soul and demon miss him. Both scream for revenge. Both scream for death. Both want an end to this pain.

"Connor..." I mumble, "he's gone."

"Connor? This is all over one of your little humans?" Spike laughs.

My temper flares and in seconds I have him by the throat, and pushed up against the nearest wall, his feet dangling. "He was my son," I snarl, morphing into game-face. "My fucking child, my flesh and blood. Mine! Fucking humans took him from me! Took him..." My eyes burn and I throw Spike aside. My drunken legs can no longer support me. I collapse onto the floor, my head hitting the table as I go. "They took him," I whisper, "my son... my son..."

*****
Part 2:

Spike's POV:

What the hell if going on with the old poof? I've never seen Angel like this. Not even Angelus for that matter. He's completely and utterly rat-arsed. He must have been drinking here most of the day - if not all of it. His eyes are bloodshot, his skin pale and his body trembles from too much alcohol. If he'd been human he would most likely be dead by now. Also what the hell is this about a son? A human son? Angel got a child of somebody? How is that possible, he's still a vampire - I can smell it, feel it in my blood.

"I'm not getting that part, mate - you have a son? Another Childe?"

Angel rubs his blooded forehead and then licks the blood from his fingers. I shiver at the sensual action, his long tongue licking away Sire's blood. I help him up and he sits gingerly on the chair, then unsteadily reaches for his pint. I pull it away.

"Give me the drink, brat," he snarls.

"Not until you tell me who this Connor is," I demand.

Angel's face saddens and he rests his head in his hands. After a long moment he looks up, and I swear those are real tears in his eyes. Throughout all the time I've known him, I've never seen Angel or Angelus cry. It's a shock all in itself.

"He is... was my son," Angel starts speaking. His voice so soft and broken. "Last year, I kinda had sex with Darla. It wasn't perfect happiness, but she was still good in a way... Well, something came from it, and Darla got pregnant. She gave birth... no, she died and Connor came into the world. He was my son, Spike. My human son."

"But you're a demon, a vampire. Your sperm' been dead centuries, mate," I remind him.

"I know. Wesley found this prophecy about me. It said I would Shanshu. He deciphered it as turning human; it was to be my redemption. He got it wrong, it was to give life - to have a life - to have Connor, my son."

"Okay, fine you got your redemption. What happened - the little tyke die?"

"No. There was a prophecy that Wesley found. It said the Father shall kill the son. He believed it. He - a man I considered my friend - believed I could kill my son. That I would hurt him..."

Angel chokes on the words and I let him drink more of his Guinness. His story surprises me. Angel, the soul in my Sire's body, reached his redemption - in a way. So what happened?

"Wesley took my son. He took him from me, and this demon hunter Holtz got his hands on him. Then Sahjhan, a kind of time demon, opened a portal into a hell like dimension. Holtz took my son there. He died there without me. I couldn't follow... I tried but I couldn't... He's gone... My son is gone... I tried to get him back. I cast black magic to bring Sahjhan to me... it failed... people died..." Angel heaves a moment, then continues talking through his sobs. "I can't get him back... he's dead... gone. Then *my friends* want me to forgive Wesley. They want us to be a happy family again. They want me to forget him... my son. The only thing I lived for! I tried to kill him... Wesley, that is... I tried and they stopped me. I couldn't even have that! I want revenge! I want his life for my son!" Angel jumps up, unsteadily and starts shouting across the bar.

"Hey... Hey!" I hush, trying to get him to calm down. I grab hold of his arm and drag him back down onto the seat. "You tried to kill one of your humans?" I asked amazed. Angel - the champion of poor, lost - should be dead souls - tried to kill one? Hey, I'm beginning to like him better already.

"I went to his hospital room. I tired to suffocate him... they stopped me. I want him dead! I want them all dead!" Angel hisses at me, his vamp face returning. Cruel golden eyes stare into mine and I'm getting a feeling that I'm looking at my old Sire and not the soul. "I want them to suffer just as I am suffering. I cannot forget this time. I cannot let this go on. They took my reason for living, now I want to take theirs."

Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm looking at Angelus right now. It's strange but the demon doesn't seem as batty anymore, angry sure, but not sucking the world into hell insane. I can't be sure however, that this isn't just the drink talking.

"You know something Spike? I've sucked up to them all year around. I messed up once and they are never going to let me live it down. It's always - Angel, don't brood. Angel, get me some coffee. Angel, you're not my friend. Angel, we can't trust you. Angel, you aren't human and not worthy of our attention. Angel, you're only good for what we can get out of you!" His voice starts rising again, and I touch his arm. Suddenly, his cool hand covers mine and he takes it between both of his.

"You were once my son, William," he mumbles, tears running down his cheeks. "You were my son... my partner... my lover," he whispers seductively.

Out of the blue, Angel is leaning over and his lips are just inches from mine. I could kiss him here and now and he wouldn't stop me. One of Angel's hands lets go of mine and slides under the table. He rubs along my thigh, up to my crotch. My cock doesn't think about my estrangement from Angel and instantly reacts to his soft touch.

"You were once *mine* too," he mumbles, his mouth inches from my moistened lips. He smells of Guinness, blood and pain. Underneath all that, he smells of Angelus.

"Angel, you're going to regret this in the morning," I answer.

Angel gives me a strange look and backs off. He leans back against the chair, and I miss the pressure of his hand on my cloth-covered cock.

"I regret everything," he replies, drinking down all of his Guinness. He continues to stare at me and I think his drink muddled brain is beginning to wonder what I'm doing here. It's hard to remember he hates me.

"Why are you here, Spike? Wanna torture me some more?" He grins, an uncomfortable sight. Damn, he looks so much like Angelus when drunk.

"Nah, mate," I laugh, "I've got other things planned." He gives me another confused look but doesn't interrupt. I take another drink and wait until he's properly listening.

"You want revenge against humans, Angel? Well, so do I. Bloody bastards put this chip in my brain and I can't bite anymore. I got into helping the pissing Scobby gang, but they treat me like shit. Saved their lives, I did, and what to I get? - A plastic stake through the heart."

"They staked you?" Angel yells abruptly. He sounds angry, and it surprises me. Why would Angel be angry over that? "They tired to take another Childe from me," he sobs. I think he's more than a little drunk.

"Yeah well, not a real stake or I wouldn't be here, would I?. In any case, this stupid chip muddled my head. Made me soft, it did. I bloody mean, I even thought I was in love with the Slayer! Boy can she shag, but I guess you know that." I'm expecting to be beaten to a pulp at this moment, but Angel doesn't do anything but nod. "In any case, she was using me, making me think she loved me. That I loved her and all that shit. Well, she won't and I can't be something I'm not. I don't have a soul, but I can't be a monster. I just have a piece of wiring controlling my nature. Human's destroyed me, they made it impossible for me to live in the demon world and I can never be part of the human one. I'm a vampire and deep down so are you. We don't belong and we're both outcasts."

After my little speech we both sit in silence. I drink down my lager, while Angel downs another Guinness. There is nothing more to say. We both have our pain. Words that can never be spoken out loud, but I think Angel understands me, just as in a way I understand him. It's simple really - we both want revenge. Revenge against humans, fate, life, love... and all that shit. We want to fight back. The trouble is I have a chip and he has a soul, so basically we are both screwed and unable to do fuck all.

"Life's a crock and then you die," Angel mumbles. I think he's got the words wrong, but I have to agree.

"Yeah, well. There is bugger all we can do about it." I answer, while signalling for more booze.

"Why did they betray me?" asks Angel. I shrug. "They can never understand my pain. The depth of guilt I feel. They don't want to know about my feeling for my son, my soul, my failure to save Darla, or anything. They don't care that I feel anything...." Suddenly, Angel's eyes brighten.

"They can never understand vampires, mate. We are forever, we are beyond them, no matter if we are good or evil." I answer. I notice that Angel isn't listening.

"We have to change that," he smiles, staring into my eyes. I'm getting this strange feeling of apprehension now. Angel is sure not looking like the Angel I know - he's more Angelus-like. "We have to take matters into our own hands. We have to fight against what the fates dish out to us."

"You're pissed, mate. I'll take you home, okay?" I say. I hope he's not thinking about dragging the world into hell again. I really can't be bothered to fight him and all.

"No!" He shouts, grabbing my arms. I'm about to push him off, but then he says: "I can help you, Spike! I know a doctor. You help me and I'll help you." With that Angel passes out and collapses on the floor.

"Shit!" Now I don't know what the hell he was talking about. He knows a Doctor? Could Angel get the chip out, without me owing anything to that bitch at Wolfram and Hart? Hey, that sounds much better that her offer. I won't even have to deal with Angelus then!

I heave Angel off the floor, and with the help of a bouncer, get him into my car. He's completely out cold, and at this moment I could do anything to him. Still, I have to understand what he meant about this Doctor. I have to know his plan. Angelus was always good at planning. (Though he was second best to me!) So instead of driving Angel back to his hotel, I drive him to mine. It's a complete dive, but at least it's cheap and has clean - well reasonably clean - bed linen. I dump Angel on the floor for the night and lie down on my bed. That day, I cannot sleep. I keep looking at Angel and wondering what it is that he's proposing. Wondering if I can trust him. And yet, I think I can trust him. This Angel is so like the Angelus I knew, so much like my old Sire and maybe, just maybe, he'll be telling me the truth.

Angel's POV:

Ohhhh... I think I'm going to be sick. My head pounds, and I smell... ewww... I think I've already been sick. It's a good job I can't choke to death. I roll over onto my hands and knees and groan as the world spins.

"The showers in other room, Peaches," Spike shouts at me.

Why is he so loud! I grab my head and moan for a long moment. I don't think I've ever been as hung-over as this. I push myself up, and sway unsteadily as I try to get to my feet. The stench of vomit is making me feel queasier and I stumble towards the direction of another door. I assume this is the shower. I hear Spike chuckle as I walk into the door, and then fling it open.

Yes! It's the bathroom. I eagerly strip of my soiled clothing and throw it to the floor. I don't care if I haven't shut the door; it isn't like Spike's never seen it before. Finally, I stand in the shower and turn the knob. A warm shower of water envelopes me and I sigh happily. I begin to feel more alive... and then it hits me. Connor!

My legs collapse from under me and I'm on the floor. The pain rockets through my whole body and I begin to sob. I can't stop it. It just raises up from the pits of my soul and consumes me. I hear someone open the shower door and a cool hand touches my arm.

"Get up, pet," Spike instructs me, his voice calm but certain.

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to feel this anymore. Connor's gone and I have no reason to go on.

"I can't!" I sob. Spike is supposed to hate me, isn't he? Why doesn't he just get on and end it? Why do I suffer so?

Spike's hands grab my arms and drag me to my feet. I look up with tear filled eyes into his hard face.

"Now you look here, Peaches," he spits at me. "We made a deal. It's time that we fight back. You help me and I'll help you. Right!?" he growls the last part.

I stare into his large, pure blue eyes. So perfectly ice cold. I get a hold of myself and then memories of last night return. I remember telling him about Connor, and he told me his troubles with the chip. I remember speaking about revenge, a doctor and... freedom.

"You'll do that?" I ask softly, not sure if I can trust him.

"Yes," he answers honesty. "You have the word of William the Bloody, Aka Spike, and Childe of Angelus - Good enough?"

"I get rid of the chip, and you help me."

"I just said yes, didn't I?"

"You'll get rid of my soul?" I blurt out. I think this is all I want. An end. And if I can't have death then I'll have oblivion.

For a moment, Spike's eyes widen in amazement and he lets go of my arms. I think he's about to break his word. I know he hates Angelus - well, he hates me too, but I know Angelus was crazy... well, more psychopathic last time he was out. I don't think he'll be like that this time around. I think he's broken just as I am.

"Yes," Spike answers straightforwardly. He closes the shower door, and I calmly turn back to washing myself. Spike has promised me freedom, and an end to my pain. That's good enough for me.

We don't talk as I dress. Not in my old clothing, but what Spike must have picked up for me during the day. He made a good choice. Leather jeans and red silk shirt, with my leather jacket. He knows me so well. He gives a small smile when he sees me. I wonder what he's feeling. Does he still hate me? Are we partners again? We agreed to work together, agreed to end each other's pain. Does that mean he trusts me?

"Okay then, what's first?" Spike asks, when I've finished dressing.

"I know a Doctor," I tell him. "He specialises in demon surgery, and likes to harvest rare organs."

"Hey! I'm not giving him any of me parts, mate!" Spike growls back in shocked anger.

"We'll make a deal," I reassure him.

"Okay," pouts Spike.

Gods, he still does that. I remember him doing that to me when he was just a fledgling. It always made me bend to his will. I smile back slightly, and he returns it. His whole face lighting up and I feel taken aback by his profound beauty. I had forgotten how striking he was when he smiled. The truth is, when I got my soul, I didn't want to remember him. I was ashamed of being close to another man, ashamed of wanting him. Still, I won't feel ashamed for long. Spike gave me his word, he shall put an end to my suffering.

I lead Spike to a Medical building and to one certain Office. The office of Doctor Gregson. On the way, I tell him that Doctor Gregson is a Slod demon and collector of demon/human parts. Spike isn't impressed and when we arrive, he's even more displeased when we're introduced to a middle aged, human-looking man. Spike's opinion of him quickly changes when Dr Gregson says he can perform the procedure.

"Now?" queries Spike.

"When I have payment," Dr Gregson confirms.

"And what is the payment?" I ask concerned. Will Spike give up a body part for the removal of his chip?

"Sperm," answers the doctor.

"Excuse me?" I'm not sure I heard him right. He wants Spike's sperm?

"Well, that's fine with me," answers Spike, incredibly happy. He starts to unzip his jeans and reaches inside... but the Doctor stops his hand.

"Not yours," he informs Spike. He turns and looks at me. "His."

"What?!"

"You want Peaches' here?" Spike starts to laugh, so hard that he has to clutch his sides. I kick his leg, none to gently, but he doesn't stop.

"You're Angel, vampire with a soul, yes?" the Doctor enquires. I nod. "You had a child with another Vampire, or so they say. Your sperm must be very unique. Give me a sample and I will remove your Childe's chip. It's as simple as that."

"Angel, you promised. We made a deal, you help..."

"Okay!" I answer, shutting them both up. They stand there waiting, and waiting... "I'm not doing it here," I inform them. Dr Gregson smiles lightly and hands me a sterile cup. Afterwards, we are directed into a private room, and he leaves. Spike does not.

"Spike, go away." I'm so embarrassed. I don't know if I can do this. I don't jack off... No, that's a lie. I don't do it much. I just feel guilty when I do.

"Thought I'd give you a hand, luv," suggests Spike, giving me a sultry grin.

"Spike, I don't need your help. I've been doing..." Spike gives me the strangest look, as if he knows I'm not telling him the truth.

"Oh yeah, I can see angst Angel jacking himself off every night - not! I bet you suffered vampire evening hard-on because it's part of your penance. And if you did, I bet you brooded extra hard." After, Spike rolls his eyes and chuckles.

Oh, what the fuck! I'll soon be without a soul, so why bother. "Okay, but make it fast," I agree.

Spike smiles again, and I shiver at the lust in his eyes. I never thought I would ever see that look again. He gracefully drops to his knees and unzips me. His cool hands reach inside and remove my hardening member. He gives me a little surprised look, cocking his scared eyebrow.

"Hmmm... just what have you been thinking about, eh Angel? Couldn't be little Spikey, could it?" He laughs, his hands stroking me gently.

"Spike; just suck it," I snap back.

*****
Part 3:

Spike pushes back my leather jeans so my whole cock is exposed. It's already hard just from Spike's gentle petting. He continues to run his hands up and down my length, squeezing lightly. My hand slips into his hair and I draw his head closer. He grins again and then thankfully fills his mouth with something other than words. It's been so damn long since anyone has done this for me. I think the last person was Spike, nearly three years ago. Since I returned from hell, no one hasn't really touched me. Not like another vampire could. Oh, I had sex with Buffy that day that never was, and with Darla nearly a year ago, but it was nothing like what you can share with another man - or Spike for that matter. He always was so good with his mouth. My favourite when I was Angelus. Though I could never admit that to Darla, sometimes I enjoyed his touch more than I ever did hers - and she was the professional.

Spike takes the head of my cock into this mouth and swirls his tongue around the slit, adding a little pushing at my foreskin. I groan loudly, which increases Spike' licking. He slows his licking and starts circling around the head. My penis strokes the inside of my Childe' fine mouth, pressing against his inner cheeks, his palette and his tongue. The ridges of his human teeth grate along the tip and I moan.

"Woooo... Yes..." I gasp; completely unaware I've spoken out loud. "Gods, I've missed your mouth."

Spike mumbles, and swallows the acorn shaped head of my shaft. My words fly out.

"Fuck... yes... Spike... I want you... my boy..."

Spike takes more and more of my length into his mouth, his tongue paying particular attention to the underbelly. He stokes, pushes and presses against the underside, remembering so damn well how I like it. Suddenly, he withdraws me from his mouth, and starts licking up and down on the underneath of my cock, with long hard strokes. I tremble above him, my knees turning to jelly. I bend slightly, grasping his shoulders so I don't fall over. I wish he could touch my balls - the tight leather obstructs them, but rubs against them almost like another hand. Spike brings one hand up and starts stroking me, while he licks up and down underneath. As soon as I start to pant, he takes me back into his mouth. Tongue and teeth attack me this time. He pushes my foreskin back, making me howl with desire. His tongue swirls over the very tip, adding pressure now and then.

"Uh... gonna come..." I grunt.

Spike removes his wonderful mouth, and returns to caressing me with his hands. Talented fingers wrap around my shaft, squeezing a little so that he pulls at the skin tight while he pumps. I tremble and squirm above him, wishing I could be lying down for this. I'm not sure how long my legs are going to hold out. My hands are already shaking as I grip his hair. Spike continues to pump, giving little licks to my slit with each upward stroke. In the end, he gives one hard squeeze and I'm done for. I fling my head back and morph. I howl as I ejaculate - filling the little cup. Finally, my legs give out from under me, and I fall to the floor with a harsh slap, as my buttocks impact on the horrid carpet.

Spike watches me with a little chuckle, and before I know what I'm doing, I'm across the floor and kissing his lips. I taste myself inside his fabulous mouth. I savour the essence of Spike too. I had forgotten how good he felt. How his tongue duels with mine. How passionately he always kisses. My hands slide into his hair and I tilt his head, so I can kiss him more deeply. My tongue slides further inside and I think I'm trying to take him all in. I want to taste every inch of his mouth. I want to be enveloped by the last remaining person who is mine. This Childe whom I created - the only family I have left.

Spike's POV:

To say that Angel's words when I sucked him off were a shock - would be an understatement. I don't think even he knows what he said. That he missed me (well, my mouth), and that he wanted me (most likely for sex), but it's the most anyone has said to me in years. No one's wanted anything from me. Not even Buffy. We screwed, but she didn't *want* me. The words spoken by my Sire have affected me more deeply than I ever imagined they could. I'm about to ask him what he meant about wanting me, but we are interrupted by a knock at the door.

A young woman opens the door, while Angel quickly puts himself away. "Dr Gregson is ready for you now, Mr Spike. You have the payment?"

I look down into the cup holding Angel's opaque sperm. It's such a crime to waste it on tests, but it's going to pay for removing my chip, so I hand it over to her. She smiles and gives Angel a once over. I growl softly unable to hold back a sudden wave of... of... jealously? No, I'm not jealous. I brought Angel off for a reason - to pay the Doctor's fee and that's all.

"Come with me," the woman instructs, and she leads us out into another room with a large metal bed in the middle. There are straps and needles and...

"No fucking way!" I scream in absolute terror.

"Spike, what's wrong?" asks Angel, in a soft voice that only I can hear.

"I can't... I can't do it again... No..." My whole body trembles at the sight of that table. For some reason my fear takes over my mind and I start to shake. It's bloody stupid, I want this chip out, but at the same time I'm frozen with horror at the thought of another medical procedure. I don't really remember when they put the chip in. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming in absolute dread of the Initiative Doctors, but I can never remember exactly what they did.

"I'm here, Spike," Angel tells me reassuringly. He takes my face into his hands, and kisses my forehead. "You are my Childe; I won't let anyone hurt you... ever again. I promise this time... trust me," he murmurs, as he leans over and gently kisses my lips again.

My Sire's words comfort the oldest part of me. The part that remembers when I was just a few months old, and Angelus taught me how to hunt, fuck, seduce - everything. How I felt when he protected me from other demons and humans, when I couldn't. He was my strength, and I will always have a place in my heart for him for that short, happy time we spent together.

I'm too petrified to speak, but I nod to my Sire. He takes my hand and guides me up onto the table. The nurse straps me down; telling me it's necessary that I remain still throughout the surgical process. Next to the bed - stands Angel. I don't know if it's to comfort me or not, but he takes my hand into his own and holds on tightly. There is little emotion in his face, but his eyes are conveying something. A spark of life that I haven't seen since arriving here in LA. It's like he's becoming vibrant again.

The nurse attaches an IV into my vein, and pumps some yellow liquid into me. "This will dull the pain, but you have to remain conscious," she tells me in a detached way.

Angel remains at my side and his fingers stroke my arm, and my hand clutches his. For some reason, I trust him not to leave me. That he'll be here to protect me, and keep his promise. Moments later, I feel the effect of the drug, which makes me feel light headed and a little high.

"Mr Spike, how do you feel?" the nurse asks.

"Fiiinnnee," I answer with a little giggle.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Dr Gregson pick up a long drill piece. I'm not afraid anymore, but I tighten my fingers around my Sire's hand. His other hand gently strokes my arm. The doctor moves behind me and I feel a prick as he starts to operate. Damn good stuff these drugs, because I can't feel a thing. My only sensation is Angel's fingers touching me. His cool skin, his gentle touch, his soft mouth...

Eh?

It's like I suddenly awaken, and find my mouth covered by Angel's. He's leaning over me, kissing me softly on the lips, and then he moves away. I look around, surprised to find us alone in the op... no wait, it's different. I test my arms and they are free from the restrains. Angel moves away from my lips and gives me a smile.

"Is it over?" I ask flabbergasted. I swear the whole procedure just lasted seconds.

"Yeah, it took a little over two hours, but the chip has been disabled," Angel informs, while helping me to sit up.

"The chip is gone?"

"Well not entirely, but the Doctor assures me that it won't work anymore."

I jump of the table and finish dressing. I just have to go out and test this. I have to know if the surgery has been successful. I'm about to run out the door, when I notice Angel still standing there.

"What are you waiting for?" I demand. I want to get on and see what happens. I need to know if I have to torture this doctor if it doesn't work.

"You are going to kill," Angel states.

"Yeah, well, we won't know if the chip really is disabled until I do, will we?" I walk back over to him and take his hands. "Look pet, I swear I will hold up my part of the bargain." Angel looks worried again, and turns away. "Angel, come with me. Experience the hunt and kill just once before you lose your soul."

Angel is silent for a long time, and I'm afraid he won't come. I don't know why, but this will be my first hunt in over 3 years, and I want him with me. I want my Sire at my side as it was in the beginning. He fidgets with his jacket button and then turns. His eyes are red, but he holds out his hand. I take it gently, not sure what he wants.

"You promise me, Spike - it will be good?"

Huh? Then I realise something - Angel the soul has never really hunted. "Yeah, luv. It will be damn good."

"Then you'll rid me of the soul?" he questions, as he leans towards my ear.

"Yes, I promise," I answer straightforwardly.

Angel nods his head, and I drag him out of the medical offices and out into the night. It has just turned dusk and the night is ours. There is so much I'd love to do at this moment. I'd love to kill all the do-gooders in Sunnydale, I'd love to kill that bitch Lilah, and I'd... wait a moment. Now there is the best idea of all night. Who better to hunt than Lilah Morgan? I'm sure Angel won't complain about killing her.

"You up for a little lawyer hunting," I grin up at my Sire.

Angel looks a little confused and then slowly smiles. Just a little smirk at the corner of his mouth. Damn, he looks like Angelus. "I know just where to start," he informs me. For a moment, I was afraid he wouldn't want too, but he's really getting into this.

Half an hour later we arrive at a classy bar. It's expensive, but with a flash of fang, both Angel and myself enter. He looks around and heads towards the bar.

"You sure she'll be here," I ask, looking around but not spotting her.

"She comes here frequently. I met her here once, just before Wes...." Angel trails off and swallows hard. His eyes are blurred and a single tear runs down over his cheek.

"Bitch wanted to take your son as well, didn't she?" I realise.

"Yeah, they were there when Holtz took him through that portal. They laughed at me lying in the dirt, as I...." Angel rubs his sore eyes and stills.

"Angel, we made a deal. You took out the chip, and you will get your revenge, Angel. I won't back down, Sire, I swear." I reassure him seriously. I have no idea why I'm being loyal to him. Angelus never was to me... no that's a lie. He always did as he said he would. Whether it was torture, a beating, or sex. He always carried it through. That's why so many feared him - Angelus was always true to his word. For some reason I feel I owe him something. I hate him, I despise how he took Dru, but he keeps his promises.

"Angel, maybe..."

Angel stiffens and stares directly at the bar. "She's here."

I follow his gaze and spot a tall, brown haired woman sitting at the bar alone. I look into the bar mirror - it is Lilah Morgan. I grin at Angel, and he smiles back. I think he's going to enjoy this as much as I am.

Angel's POV:

Lilah Morgan. The bitch queen of messing with my life. The current bane of my existence. The fuck who spiked my blood with the essence of my own child. The one who laughed at my pain and misfortune. Well, she'll be laughing no more. My Childe is right; it's time I - Angel - learn how to hunt.

We both approach her, unseen in the mirror at the bar. She's smiling, no doubt congratulating herself on her victory over me. Seeing the dark avenger brought low and ripped to shreds. Well, we shall see who laughs last, and longest.

I stand at her right hand, and sit in the stool. With a sudden frightened jump, she turns and finally notices me.

"Angel," she gasps. I hear her heartbeat suddenly increase and she swallows nervously.

"You should really stop coming here, Lilah," I say sweetly. I wave at the bartender, and point at Lilah's drink. "It's a little easy to find you again," I smile, as a glass of whiskey is placed before me.

"What do you want?" she gasps, apprehensively. The pounding of her blood through her veins is really turning me on. She smells so sweet, so evil, and so fucking tasty.

"Dinner," I answer. I take another sip of my drink, and smile again. She looks at me curiously, I don't think she's ever seen me smile this way. A little twist of my lips. Buffy used to call it the Angelus' smirk.

"Can you remember Lilah, when we met here before? I told you all the things I could do to you. How I could torture you and make you last for days, weeks even. I could do all that, in fact, I would really like to do that, but I won't."

"You... You're..." she stutters. For the first time ever, I see Lilah afraid. I can smell the fear rolling off her in waves, and it smells so good. Fear makes the blood taste sweeter. I can remember that much from being Angelus.

Suddenly, from her other side, Spike drops the card down in front of her. Lilah spins around and gasps as she recognises Spike.

"Hi, pet. I'm sorry it took me awhile but I brought you Angel. Trouble is I don't need your help anymore."

"What?" she whispers, staring wide-eyed at Spike.

"You see my Sire and I, well... we had ourselves a little chat. He has a little problem, and so did I. In the end, we made a little deal. I deal with his and he takes care of mine."

"Angel won't... he wouldn't take the chip out. He won't let you kill again... he's one of the good guys..." she proclaims, her voice terrified and stuttering. I think she's grasping what's happening here and now. She knows she doesn't have long to live.

"Oh no, pet. That's where you're wrong. Angel's fulfilled his side of the bargain. Now, I'm just about to test it out." Spike grins widely and morphs into vamp face. Damn, he's so good looking even with ridges and fangs.

Lilah tries to scream, but I grab her from behind, and my hand covers her mouth and nose. She struggles as her air is cut off. There are a couple of people in the bar, and they are all too concerned with their own problems to worry about one little lawyer. I stand up and we drag her into a dark alcove, my hand still covering her mouth. She struggles desperately, unable the breath. Finally, I slip my hand lower and she takes deep breaths through her nose.

"You do understand that you are the test, don't you Lilah?" Spike asks sweetly. He runs his fingers over her face and then grazes my hand. I shiver at his soft touch and he glances at me. With his hungry stare, I can't help but morph too. I lick my fangs, eagerly. A part of me is screaming not to do this. That this is a sin, committed by my soul. By a soul who had dreams of redemption that were destroyed by the *friends* he trusted. I am no longer that soul anymore. It's broken and bleeding, soon to be dead and gone.

"You messed with my Sire, Lilah. That alone is a crime against my bloodline. You also insulted me. Maybe if you had been a little nicer when I came to... no, maybe not. I'd still have to kill you," Spike leers into her face. He moves lower and licks the long line of her throat. She trembles and moans in my grasp.

"You have got to taste this, Sire," Spike begs me, his eyes looking up from her throat into mine. Beautiful *evil*, golden eyes.

For a moment, I don't move. I just stare at my Childe, and the woman that has burned me on so many occasions. I'm too tired to fight for good any longer. Too tired to be screwed with. I bend my head and lick the other side of her throat. Spike purrs in delight, and I instantly harden at the sound I haven't heard in over 100 years. Spike always like to share the kill with me when he was a fledgling. When he still trusted me. My heart burns for a moment, and a part of me wants that back. It wants to start over again, and this time not try to break him, or betray him, or beat him.

My Childe leans forward, and with one swift movement, sinks his fangs into Lilah's throat. There is no hesitation and from the look of his continued drinking, no pain. I watch him amazed at how he looks when he drinks. His face is almost innocent, as if he wasn't actually in the process of killing someone. Strangely, I have no desire to stop him. I have no wish to save this human soul. Without warning, I feel Spike's hands reach around Lilah and grip my shirt. He drags me forward until I'm pressed against her back, her throat directly under my mouth.

If I do this - there will be no turning back. There will be no backing down from this new path I've chosen. I'll damn myself. There will be no redemption... No...

Screw it! I lick my fangs and sink them into warm human flesh. Hot blood spurts into my mouth, and I swallow hungrily. It burns my throat, all the way down to my stomach. My hands automatically grip this live body to me, and I suck harder. Cool hands touch my face and I bring up my own to touch my Childe's cheeks. The human body is crushed between us, and she screams into my hand. All too soon the screams end and I suck harder, my fangs ripping open her throat, to suck out more of her living blood. Her heartbeat slows, the blood turning into a slow trickle in my mouth. I growl angrily, wanting more and more...

"No!" I yell, pulling away from the ravished throat. Lilah drops away from my embrace, collapsing on the floor in a broken heap. I know she's dead. I felt her heart stopping as I continued to drink. Suddenly, another mouth is attached to mine. The mouth of my Childe, full of the taste of Lilah, which is on my own tongue. He kisses hungrily, his tongue lapping inside my mouth, cleaning away the human blood. I break away from the kiss panting, half in fear and half in arousal.

"It works!" My Childe yells, finally turning heads in the bar. Someone's death brought no attention, but Spike's infantile shouting does? Humans are such strange creatures. "It fucking works! I'm free!" He grabs me again, kissing fiercely.

I pull away from his embrace. "We have to go," I tell him hurriedly. People are getting suspicious of two men kissing, and a woman lying dead on the floor. Spike gives me a strange look, but allows me to drag him out the back door of the bar, and I set off running down the back alley. I must have run ten blocks before I'm calm again. My whole body is shaking, and I feel like ripping my gut out. Human blood flows within me, singing a song of power, desire and life, that animal blood could never duplicate.

"Angel, it's okay," Spike says soothingly. He touches my arm, but I jump away. "It's just the rush of being denied life for so long. Believe you me, I'm feeling it too."

I look up into his flushed, blood warmed face. He's almost jumping around with a sudden burst of energy. I had forgotten what human blood was like, and so had Spike.

"I want it now," I tell him, panting in the rush of feeling and desire.

*****