*** Several months later...

Josh laid his head beside Xander's on the bed; he was smiling, truly happy for the first time in his life. "Xander..." He whispered gently.

The other boy opened his eyes slowly.

"I made love with Charles yesterday." Josh said, his voice calm and serene. "At first, I didn't... didn't want to, I really didn't want to infect him. But we were really careful. I took a lot of convincing though."

Xander smiled.

"It was beautiful, perfect. It was different from when I was with you."

"How so?" Xander whispered, his voice harsh.

"When he touched me, I felt so loved, cared for... like I was... something really special." He smiled, lost in the memory of that beautiful night.

Xander smiled warmly at him. "That's how you feel when you're in love."

"Is that how you felt when Angel made love to you?" Josh asked gently caressing his friend's cheek.

Xander nodded, tears silently falling from his eyes. Josh dried them with his fingers and the two friends just laid there silent for a moment.

"I'm not strong enough." Xander whispered.

"For what?" Josh asked gently.

"I want... Angel to make love to me again, but... he's afraid he might... break me." He smiled tiredly, but it quickly faded. "I'm not even able to get hard anymore." He added, his voice barely above a whisper.

Josh smiled at him and went to say something, but Xander interrupted him. "Don't you dare tell me it's going to be ok." He muttered jokingly. Josh laughed uneasily, stroking his friend's arm.

"I love you, you know that right?" He asked.

"Yes. And I love you too Josh. No matter where I am, I will *always* look down upon you. I will protect you. You know... I think... I don't have much time left." Xander's voice was strained.

"Oh Xan!" Josh exclaimed. "I don't want you to go."

"And I don't... want to go either. But you're... in good hands. Giles and Angel and Spike and *Charles*," He added wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "They'll take care of you."

Josh smiled, blushing. Xander raised a slightly trembling hand and dried his friend's tears. Josh did the same for him. "He knows all about me. My past, my fears and my dreams." Xander felt his heart melting at his friend's happiness. "And he still wants to be with me. I've been used and abused, but he makes me feel like I'm brand new."

"He's a... good man." Xander said, his breathing uneven and rasping.

"Yeah. I didn't even know good men existed before I met you." Josh smiled warmly. "You gave me hope Xander. A lot of hope. You were kind to me, you protected me. You got me out of that awful place I was in, you showed me that love existed, you took care of me, even when you learned you were sicker than me, you always thought of me first. You did all those things for me and for that I will always be grateful. You gave me a freedom I didn't know I could have. You gave me the freedom to live, to dream, to... love. You're my guardian angel Xander."

Xander was crying, tears flooding from his eyes. //He's grown up so much in the last few months.// "You had a chance... I had to give it to you. You have a chance to live. Grab it, hold on to it. Never let it go." His voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. "Live Josh, you have to live."

"I will." Josh promised as Xander slowly drifted off to sleep. The young man stayed by his friend's side, gently stoking his back.

Quietly, Gunn opened the door and found his young lover fast asleep, his face soaked and swollen with tears. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched the two friends sleep. Slowly, Josh opened his eyes, feeling another presence in the room. He turned towards Gunn and smiled. "Hey."

"Hey." Gunn replied, smiling warmly. He took Josh's hand and squeezed lightly, before bringing it to his lips. Josh blushed and looked at Xander. Tears rolled down his face silently. Gunn wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tight to his chest.

"He asked me to live." The young man whispered.

"Then you will baby."

"But I can't... I can't keep this promise. I'm going to die, just like him. It'll take longer, but in a few years, I'll be as sick as he is and I'll... die."

"Shhh." Gunn stroked his lover's back slowly. "Until then, you're going to fight. For him, for me and for yourself. You'll keep your promise by not giving up." The black man said tenderly.

"Thank you." Josh whispered almost inaudibly.

"For what?" Gunn asked surprised.

"For... accepting me like I am. Accepting my past, my illness. For just loving me."

"Oh, baby." Gunn said, touched by the young man's words. "I love you. How could I not?"

"But, I've been used over and over, I'm dirty and sick..."

"No." Gunn said fiercely. "You've been raped and abused. Pushed into a way of living that you never wanted."

"But I did." Josh argued. "I wanted it."

"Why? That's the question you have to ask yourself baby." Gunn said, taking his lover's face in his hands. "Two men you trusted abused you and told you this was love. How could you not want it?"

Josh felt his heart melt as he looked into his lover's eyes. //He's right. That wasn't love. Love is friendship and care and acceptance. Love is so much more than sex.// "I love you." He whispered, leaning in to lovingly kiss Gunn. As their lips touched, they felt warmth spreading through their bodies, coursing through their veins. They slowly, reluctantly, broke the kiss. Josh opened his eyes and looked into warm brown ones.

"This is love." He whispered, placing his head on Gunn's shoulder. The black man smiled and kissed his lover's forehead, while wrapping his arms around Josh's chest.

"The doctor's coming." He said.

"Isn't Doctor Jackson the best doc? Coming all the way here from San Fran..." Josh was interrupted by a gently knock on the door.

"Come in." The young man said.

Angel, Giles and the doctor stepped in.

"Hi Josh." The doctor greeted. "How are you young man?" He smiled. He was pleased to see the boys had found such a nice place to live. They were obviously cared for, and that was all that mattered.

"I'm feeling very well, thank you. But Xander..." He stopped, unable to go on.

"I know." Dr Jackson said calmly, approaching the bed. He gently examined the brunette, shaking his head. Xander woke up slowly and smiled at the doctor.

"You're not in good shape young man." Dr Jackson said sighing..

"How much... time?" Xander asked his voice sleepy and hoarse.

"I'd say a few hours. You... you won't pass the night."

Giles gasped and Josh buried his head in Gunn's chest, tears welling up again. Silent, Angel laid down beside Xander and stroked his cheek gently.

"It's alright. I'm... I'm ready." The young man said, his voice strained. "Thank you doc... For everything."

The doctor nodded, gathering up his instruments. There was nothing he could say or do and he felt helpless. He gently squeezed Xander's shoulder in support and walked out of the room, Giles following closely, cleaning his glasses furiously.

"Gunn?" Xander whispered as the door slowly closed.

"Yeah." Gunn replied, approaching the bed.

"Promise." Xander coughed. "Promise me you'll take care of Josh."

"Promise. It's the easiest promise to keep I ever made." The black man smiled warmly, but sadly, at his lover.

Xander slowly turned towards Angel, who was still stroking his cheek. "Angel..." //I love you. Love you so much. Don't wanna go. Don't wanna leave you alone!// He couldn't bring himself to say the words, it was too hard, too intimate. "I wanna talk to Spike." //He's gonna protect them. Even Angel .//

"You want me to get him for you?" The vampire asked gently. Xander nodded warily. "Ok." Angel replied, getting up slowly and reaching to kiss Xander's cheek before hurrying out of the room. The faster he found Spike, the faster he'd be back. //Don't wanna leave him.// He hurried down the stairs.

***

"Angel." Giles called from the kitchen.

"Giles, have you seen Spike?"

"Yes, he just left. He'll be back soon, don't worry. I sent him out to get Willow, Dawn and Tara. Can I talk to you for a second?"

Angel glanced at the door, then at the stairs and finally nodded reluctantly. He entered the kitchen and saw the doctor sitting at the table.

"You're Alexander's lover right?" The doc asked, looking up at Angel. The vampire nodded. "You've taken good care of him. Last time I saw him in San Francisco, I wouldn't have given him more than two months. I'm sorry I can't help more."

"Giles?" Dawn's voice came to their ears as they heard the door open, then close.

The three men walked in the living room. Dawn was alone. She hugged Angel tightly but carefully, trying not to squeeze her swollen belly. The vampire could hear the baby's heart beating steadily in time with his mom's.

The girl looked at the doctor. "I wanna see him. Can I?" She asked, untangling herself from Angel's embrace.

"Yes, you can young lady." Watching her, he knew she was very close to delivery; the baby was very low. "But don't strain yourself. Something tells me that baby's gonna be here real soon." He smiled.

She smiled back and walked up the stairs slowly. She entered Xander's room, Angel, Giles and the doctor following her. She smiled sadly at Josh and Gunn, still entangled on the bed. They both got up to let her approach the bed.

Dawn sat on the edge of the bed. "Xander." She whispered gently. "The baby's moving. You wanna feel it?"

All the others watched as Dawn reached for Xander's hand and placed it on her rounded belly. "You feel that?" She whispered, tears silently running down her cheeks.

Xander nodded slightly, his eyes showing sadness and wonder at the same time.

"It's gonna be a boy. I know it. Can... can I give him your name?"

"Oh Dawn." Xander whispered. "Thank you." If he'd had the strength he'd be crying.

"One life ends, another begins." Dawn said looking in Xander's eyes. "I'll never forget you. You're much too precious to ever be forgotten. I love you."

Xander closed his eyes, pain tugging at his chest. He breathed hard and opened his eyes again. He smiled at Dawn and caressed her belly. "I love you too lil' sis. Take... good care of the brat." Dawn gave him a sad smile and hugged him tightly. She stood up a little too hastily, drying the tears away. A sharp pain erupted in her lower belly and she yelped in pain. The doctor quickly came to her side and led her out of the room. There, in the middle of the hallway, the waters broke.

***

Xander looked at the now closed door, Angel coming to his side and holding his hand. "One life ends, another begins. She's having her baby now." He whispered hoarsely. Angel looked at him and smiled warmly.

"Hey!" The door opened suddenly and Spike walked in.

Xander smiled sadly at him and then looked at Angel. The oldest vampire nodded and left the room.

Spike sat on the edge of the bed, looking at Xander. "You... you wanna talk to me pet?" He said very gently. //Why does he have to die? Can't I just turn him or something? I'd do it in a heartbeat. Don't want to lose him.//

"Yeah. Spike I... take care of them for me will you? They... they need you. Even Angel. He'll... he'll need you so much. Don't... don't let him down."

"I won't pet." Spike promised. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the boy's. "I'll never leave 'em. That you can be sure luv. Even the Poof. He can be annoyed all he wants, but I'll keep an eye on him."

"Thanks." Xander smiled slightly. "Tell... tell Dawn, she'll be a great mother. And... tell Giles to be happy and not... mourn me too much. He needs... to think about himself more. I'll always watch over all of you. Tell Angel that... that I love him." The tears flooded freely from the young man's eyes. "I love him with all my heart."

"I know pet, I know." Spike said, taking the young man in his arms. "I'll tell 'im. Don't worry." After a while, Spike gently let go of Xander, and looked into the young man's eyes. He slowly leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was a gentle kiss, chaste and full of promises they would never be able to keep.

Spike withdrew after a moment, looking so sad and lost. "Can't turn you pet can I?"

Xander shook his head lightly. "No... but thanks Spike."

"Why?" Spike seemed so desperate.

"Just... I don't want that... and you'd... die draining me." Xander said, his voice so weak Spike had to concentrate to hear. The vampire nodded. He brushed his hand over Xander's cheek and kissed him again.

"Love you pet." He whispered before getting up and walking to the door, not looking back.

"Spike." Xander said, as the vampire was opening the door. Spike stopped. "I think... given time, I could... I could have loved you."

Spike left the room, trying to hide his tears. //The Big Bad does not cry. Just something in my eyes.// He passed by Angel, not even seeing him and went out the door.

"Gonna kill some nasties." He said, slamming the door shut behind himself. He ran to the cemetery, and there, he collapsed before Buffy's grave, crying and yelling at the world. "I'm gonna kill the bloody bastard that did that to him. D'ya hear me? I'm gonna kill him!!" He took his head in his hands and cried.

*****
Part 15:

Angel entered the room mere moments after Spike had left. He found his lover staring at the ceiling. He laid beside him and wrapped his arms around the young man's chest.

"He kissed me." Xander whispered.

"I know." Angel replied tenderly.

"You knew... he loved me?"

"Yeah... I knew."

"You... you love him?"

"I... I think I do."

"He loves you." The young man managed weakly. "Don't... turn... your back... on him."

"I won't."

Angel and Xander lay side by side, the vampire holding his young lover in his arms gently. For hours they stayed silent. Xander was fighting, trying to keep his eyes open. He had one more thing to say, one more thing he needed to give his lover.

"I'm so sleepy Angel, but I don't want to close my eyes."

"Sleep my love. Close your eyes and sleep. You deserve to rest." Angel said gently. "I love you. I always will." He gently stroked Xander's back and started to hum an old Irish lullaby his mother use to sing to him before he went to sleep.

Slumber my darling, thy mother is near,
Guarding thy dreams from all terror and fear.
Sunlight has past and the twilight has gone,
Slumber my darling, the night's coming on.

Xander closed his eyes, feeling so tired. He could feel the life leaving him slowly. He knew this was it. His last chance to say what he had wanted to tell his lover for so long.

Sweet visions attend thy sleep,
Fondest, dearest to me,
While others their revels keep,
I will watch over thee.

The whisper came, barely audible. "I love you too Angel."

Slumber, my darling, the birds are at rest,
The wandering dews by the flowers are caressed,
Slumber, my darling, I'll wrap thee up warm,
And pray that the angels will shield thee from harm.

Angel's voice faltered for a second, but he didn't stop humming. //He loves me.//

Slumber my darling, till morn's blushing ray
Brings to the world the glad tidings of day:
Fill the dark void with thy dreamy delight--
Slumber, thy mother will guard thee to-night.

Angel kept humming, tears falling down his face quietly, as he listened to his lover's heartbeat slowly decreasing and finally coming to a stop.

Thy pillow shall sacred be
From all outward alarms;
Thou, thou are the world to me
In thine innocent charms.

When he could hear nothing more, Angel sang the last verse and then stopped. He gently kissed his lover's still warm lips one last time, a tear dropping on Xander's face and slowly running down his cheek. Angel wiped the tear away tenderly and looked at the young man. Xander looked peaceful and serene.

The vampire closed his eyes tightly and released his tight hold on the flood of tears. He was already missing his lover. His jokes and smile. He gathered the young man in his arms and hugged him tightly. "I'm going to miss you so much." He whispered, sobbing.

When the heat had left the boy's body, Angel carefully placed his lover back on the bed, tucking the sheets around him.

Not caring about his soaked and swollen face, he stood up and walked out of the room. He slowly closed the door behind himself, as if to not wake up his sleeping lover.

He turned around and faced the others. "He's gone."

Nearly in hysterics, Willow found comfort in a sobbing Tara's arms, while Giles clung tightly to Wesley. Hoping to be a stable presence, Gunn held onto his young lover when he threatened to faint. Unfortunately, Spike had no such luck. He caught a wavering Angel just before he collapsed to the floor.

A baby's cries filled the house.

One life ends, another begins.

***

Here lies Alexander 'Xander' Lavelle Harris
Beloved friend and lover

'Slumber, my darling, the birds are at rest,
The wandering dews by the flowers are caressed,
Slumber, my darling, I'll wrap thee up warm,
And pray that the angels will shield thee from harm.'

***

Epilogue

Angel's POV
-(-Author's Note: imagine an overview of a slightly crowded bar, soft music playing and a few people are gathered around a table near the stage... you know them-)-

Time has passed and the world has changed. But we are still mostly the same. Spike and I look younger than the rest of them now, but essentially, we're still the same people Xander would remember.

We still think about him every day. We still laugh at his jokes and comments. He's always going to be with us. It hurts. It hurts all the time when I think about him, when I laugh and smile at the memories, but I learned to deal with the pain. Just like I did when Buffy died... and when Giles died 3 years ago.

We lost many friends over the years, but as Spike once said to me, 'we'll bloody remember them together Poof'. He came to the hotel about a week after we buried Xander. He had brought all the Scoobies with him.

(("Mind if we stay here Peaches? You got a big hotel all to yourself and Sunnydale's not what it was." Spike said, entering the lobby. "We need to stick together s'what I think. And like you said, they'll die, but the two of us can do a bloody better job at protecting them if we stay at the same place."))

It was the longest speech he'd given me in a long time. The most honest too. I agreed. He ended up in my bed that night. Shared comfort we both said. It has lasted since then.

Spike was right. We've fought side by side for the last twenty years. Averted a few more apocalypses. And we protected our friends with all our strength and skills. The only thing we can't fight is illness. First Xander, then Giles. He died of cancer.

Baby Xander was our pride and joy, he still is. It's his 20th birthday today, he's not a baby anymore, but he's part of all of us in a way. He has Buffy's eyes and smile and Dawn's hair and Xander's sense of humour. Sometimes he scares us. He uses the same expressions, the same nicknames Xander used. And it hurts, but in a way, it just proves that Xander's still with us every day. Dawn is an incredible mother. Again, Xander was right.

The hotel as become quite an animated place after they all came live here. It was lively and always full of laughter and movement. There were enough rooms that we never invaded each other's personal space, but it was never lonely again. And I like that.

Lorne came back from Las Vegas a few months after they'd all settled down, Wesley, Gunn and Cordy moving in at the same time. He hadn't liked it there. It wasn't friendly enough. He said that we might destroy his place every once in a while, but we were friends and that counted a lot for him. So he moved back into the hotel and after a few years of being bugged by Cordelia and Dawn, he reopened Caritas. In the hotel itself. The pool and the ballroom are an essential part of it. It is now recognised as a very good demon-friendly restaurant, karaoke and bar. It's even a dance club once every month.

We're here tonight. Celebrating. Kinda. It's been exactly twenty years since Xander's death, and every year we make a point of gathering together to share memories.

Josh always makes a point of singing this one song that he heard a few years ago. It's from a movie. Don't ask me which, I don't remember. It's a very fitting song I think. Something that really speaks of what Josh owes to Xander. He owes him his life, his happiness.

Yes. Josh is still around. He never developed the syndrome. The doctors said he was a miracle of medicine. The latest blood samples showed no trace of the disease. Nothing. They said he had been well treated when it had mattered. Thanks to Xander.

Josh's POV (music like at the end of movies)

As I walk up the stairs to the stage, I know they're all looking at me. It still makes me uncomfortable at times, but I don't mind anymore. They're my friends, my family. I sit down and look at Gunn. Twenty years of happiness. I think that makes up for the almost twenty years of pain I had before I met Xander... and before all that happened after, mostly my love for Charles. He always makes me feel like I'm special. After twenty years, it should have faded, but it hasn't. It's still strong and powerful. Our love grows everyday.

I sit on the bench and the music starts.

Time passes, the world changes
But I'm still the same ole' kid
And your jokes still bring me laughter
As if you still were here

I close my eyes. The feeling that sweep through me is always overwhelming. Every time I hear or sing this song, I feel like Xander is here with me. He's watching over me, and all of them. Taking care of us. Guiding us.

And it hurts
When I smile
'Cause my heart still remembers
When you were around

I thank Xander every night, while I'm resting in Charles' arms. If it hadn't been for him I'd probably either be dead or still in the business. But I'm here...

'Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love

He was the one to get me out of there, to show me what real friendship was. He showed me that life was worth fighting for. And now look at me. I fought, and I'm still here.

'Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

He didn't stay long in my life. Barely two years. But he was a treasure. He showed me innocence and laughter and fun. He showed me how to live, how to love.

So precious, small treasures
A time when truth was innocent
True friendship, was all we were after
A place where kids could still be kids
And it hurts
But I'm glad
Cause at least I was blessed
To have you as my friend

It hurts. All the time. Even after twenty years, the pain of his loss hasn't faded. It's still powerful. But we learned to deal. He was our friend. The best friend anyone could have. Sure, he made some mistakes, but he was always there for me... for us. Nobody cared for me before him.

'Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love
'Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

I will live. The doctors told me the other day it was gone. No trace. Nothing. They said I would still need to keep on with the medication and tests in case it reappears, but for now, I'm free. I'm alive.

You're my best friend
There are no accidents
God has a plan for everyone
And he brought you in my life
To show me what a good friendship was

You were placed on my path to help me out of there, to show me what life could be. I'll always remember what you did for me. You forgot yourself so that I could live. And I did. I kept my promise Alex. I'm alive. I'm in love. I'm happy. And I will never forget you.

'Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love
'Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

The end

Hush the waves are rolling in,
White with foam,
White with foam.
Father toils amid the din,
But baby sleeps at home.

Hush, the winds roar hoarse and deep,
On they come,
On they come.
Brother seeks the wandering sheep,
But baby sleeps at home.

Hush the rain sweeps over the noes,
Where they roam,
Where they roam.
Sister goes to seek the cows,
But baby sleeps at home.