'Hey Giles! How's it hanging?'

'Keeping it real, Xander,' the older man smiled almost shyly, opening the door wider so that Xander could get through with the large bags he was carrying.

'Been shopping, I see.'

'Well, just got a few things. I looked at myself in the mirror today and I saw more bare than thread so, you know.' It was Xander's turn to smile anxiously and dart his head urgently into the room.

'Wills here yet?'

'Xander!' A flash of red zoomed at his chest and surprisingly strong arms enveloped him in a tight hug as Willow bounced him excitedly and he stuck his arms out with the shopping bags, a big grin on his face.

'Hey there, yourself!' He smiled down into her eyes. 'Been eating too much sugar again?'

She gripped his arm and tugged him fully into the house, stifling an excited giggle. Xander broke into a huge smile when he saw Tara standing in the middle of the room.

'Well, I wasn't wrong,' he grinned at her. Tara almost managed to look at him as she tried unsuccessfully to hide her shy smile. He walked over and stood before her, waiting for her to look at him fully. She breathed out an audible sigh when she saw the huge grin on his face.

'Welcome back girlfriend,' he said quietly, and her smile widened noticeably. 'We missed you a lot, didn't we Willow?' he continued, turning to the excited redhead grinning at them.

She looked at Tara for a second and said, 'Yes, we did.' She pointed at the bags in his arms and leaned forward as she asked him, 'Have you been shopping.'

'Yep, I think I had a serious case of the Cordelias. Not a shop was left untouched by the hand of Xan' today.'

Willow leaned into a crouch with a grin on her face and crept forward. 'Oh, lemme see, lemme see!' and she pulled the bags from his hands as Tara followed her to the couch.

'Well, I got some new clothes, figured it was time for a change.'

'No kidding,' said Willow, holding up a bright red shirt. 'Wow, this is amazing! What else?' She started to look through the bags, pulling out a soft pair of black woolen trousers and a dark blue shirt. In another bag was a pair of black boots, kid leather. Willow nodded approvingly as she looked continued pulling out more clothes, and even Tara risked touching the materials, caressing them softly beneath her fingers.

Willow picked up a smaller bag and looked inside. 'You bought two copies of the same cd?' She looked up at him and he moved quickly to take them from her.

'No, ah, Giles lent me one earlier, and I, you know, it was cool, so I bought my own copy.'

'I didn't know you were into Ray Charles. My folks listen to him sometimes, he's cool,' she nodded at him reassuringly. He blushed and turned to Giles, noting the look of near wonder on the older man's face.

'Thanks, Big G', it was great,' he said a little nervously.

'My pleasure, Xander. I've had a look through my collection, and I've chosen a few others that I think you might really appreciate.' He turned toward a stack of discs on top of the stereo and picked them up. 'Here, I'll let you choose what you like, I'm sure you'll find lots to choose from.' He exchanged the pile for the single disc Xander handed him, giving him an approving smile.

'Thanks Giles,' Xander replied, turning away quickly, not missing Willow's amused smile. 'Buffy not here yet?' he asked, to change the subject before Giles could ask any questions about the disc he had borrowed.

'No, not yet,' Willow said. 'But back to the clothes. Is there something you aren't telling us?' she asked with a knowing look on her face. 'It can't be Anya, since I hardly ever see you two together anymore. So, I'm guessing...'

'No, no,' Xander blustered. 'Like I said, just some new stuff.' Willow raised one eyebrow and held up the red shirt.

'I bet if it was Cordelia you'd wonder why she'd bought so little. Is it because I'm a guy? Is that it?' Willow and Tara giggled, leaning into each other at his melodramatic tone of voice.

'Alright, Xander Harris, I believe you.' Xander breathed out a sigh of relief. 'For now.'

Xander sat down heavily in an armchair while Giles wandered off to the kitchen. He was very nervous. More nervous than he had been for a long time. Give him a preying mantis or a Demon Lord any day. Or a Vampire, he thought. He wanted to ask if anyone knew of Angel's whereabouts, but even on a good day that question would have raised more than one eyebrow. Apart from the fact that they hardly saw him anymore now that he was in L.A., the two of them were hardly the best of friends. No need at all to ever ask about Angel. Xander wanted more than anything to ask about him. He wanted Willow to prompt him some more, to beg it out of him if she had to. He wanted to tell her about Angel, about the feelings he was trying to deal with. He could not hide behind forced dislike anymore. With Angel in L.A. his desire for Buffy had changed quickly into something more familiar and friendly. He guessed that Willow would be good with the gay thing, that was pretty much a given. But the lusting after ex-boyfriend-vampire-of-joint-best-friend might not be so easy.

'Hey, joint best friend,' he said brightly as Buffy walked into the room. She smiled brightly at him.

'Hey, Disco Diva! Xander, I never knew you could move so well,' she smiled appraisingly at him in reference to the previous night on the dance floor at The Bronze.

'Yeah, well, you know, they don't call me... actually, they don't call me anything,' he looked up in mock consternation, eliciting further giggles from the trio of girls. 'Dammit, why don't they call me something.'

'I'm sure we could come up with something,' and he noted the glint in her eye.

'Disco Diva will do just nicely,' he said with firm finality.

'Have you been shopping?' Buffy asked Willow, leaning over to hug Tara, whose hand fluttered for a moment before resting on Buffy's shoulders. 'Hey Tara, we missed you,' she said. Tara ducked her head down low and Buffy smiled at Willow.

'So, did you rob Will Smith on the way over?' she asked, looking down at the clothes surrounding Willow and Tara.

'No, it's Xander,' Willow looked up and a smile curved its way slowly up to nestle beneath her cheek.

'He's "Mr. Charge-It."'

'Ha ha,' Xander sighed up at them and smiled. 'You want to bring it home now, ladies? I'm sure you could take all night ripping me and my new clothes to pieces, but I'm all for sudden and painless. Speaking of which...' He then told them about the three vampires from the previous night, leaving out all the other freaky 'I've-got-a-crush-on-Angel' things. It was run of the mill stuff and they did not want to know too much about it, which relieved him a good deal, although it meant that he could not ask them about Angel. It was only just dusk, so no-one would have seen him yet.

The group of friends continued to chat while Giles made tea and played various compact discs, Xander suspected, to try and excite his sudden interest in old folks' music. They managed to tease out a few details about Tara's trip home. Apparently the weather was good. The bus ride was long. And she was glad to be back. She might as well have been to mall, it seemed to have left so little impression on her. The conversation ambled along pleasantly and slowed to a restless end, each person thinking their own thoughts while in the background an acoustic guitar scratched a lonesome melody. After Adam, or A.A. as Xander had started to think of the relative peace following the powering down of the Arnie wannabe, there was very little in the way of demonic activity to occupy their minds. Last night had been an irregularity, but the scent of Angel must have been too much for the vampires to resist. He knew just how they felt. Well, as far as he remembered from the days when he thought he might actually be able to help the Ricki Lake show masquerading as his family, every A.A. programme consisted of twelve steps to recovery. Recovery being a return to normality, which for the hell-mouth meant a return to late nights fighting the demonic forces intent on reducing the world to a well stocked blood farm. He was not sure, but the first step must be pretty easy and unchallenging, something they could accomplish as a group, heal the wounds together.

'Bronze?'

'Right behind you.'

The three girls were on their feet in a second, Willow and Tara hastily stuffing his clothes back into the plastic bags while Buffy grabbed her blue sweater from a chair.

'Be careful,' Giles almost looked up, immersed in the music, staring into the cup in his hands. Forget air conducting, Xander thought, he could see Giles' fingers twitching against the cup in time to the sound of the guitar in the background. He probably would have loved 'Wayne's World,' Xander grinned to himself.

Outside the house the three friends agreed to split up and meet at The Bronze at eight o'clock. Willow and Tara walked off together and Xander strolled a block with Buffy before they parted, Xander to unpack and try out some of his new clothes, Buffy to spend a few minutes with her mother before running out of the house again.

The first thing he did when he closed the door to the basement behind him was put on the new cd, knowing which number to leave on repeat, he had listened to Giles' copy often enough already before running out to go shopping. He started to undress as the strings started up with the soft chorus in the background, followed by the very sensuous voice that curled itself around the music before seeping into the room like a warm caress. A tingle ran down his spine as he listened to the words, lingering to hear it finish before going into the shower.

The words were now second nature to him. They expressed so succinctly his new feelings about Angel that after the first stunned listening he had pulled out the cover and read the lyrics, listening to the song repeatedly until he had memorized them. It had been like reading a diary he had forgotten ever writing. The sentiments were familiar, and he had experienced a sudden awakening. He had always felt 'something' for Angel which had always expressed itself as dislike. Now he saw how over the top that had been and he wondered why no one else had picked him up on it. There was a lot to be said for being young. He did not want to think about the significance of the song for Angel even though he had to try hard not to. It went well with the brood thing that he had going on, that was for sure, all silent and longing, and Xander was beginning to know only too well how that felt .

After his shower he let the rest of the songs play as he tried to decide on which clothes to wear. Until recently that routine had consisted of picking up the first clean items he could find for each part of his body, but looking at the clothes he was overcome by indecision. He wanted to look good, comfortable, smart, but most of all, casual. It was a difficult combination, and he picked up each item in turn, mixing them around again and again before collapsing on the bed groaning in frustration. He had nothing to wear! It was all wrong, wrong, wrong. He could have cried.

Eventually the music calmed his mind enough and he tried again, starting with the shoes this time and working his way up. The trousers went well with the new boots, and he quickly picked up the red shirt and started buttoning it as he felt the panic returning. Too much choice, he told himself. Relax. Calm. He looked in the mirror and groaned in despair. 'Hair!'

*****
Part 5:

'Oh. My. God!'

'Xander, is that really you?' Buffy and Willow gaped at the smartly dressed brunette who grinned back sheepishly.

'Actually, no, I'm not Xander. He was needed elsewhere - I can't really say more, but I'm here to take his place. What gave me away? Was it the sexy smile?'

'Like, the complete transformation!' Buffy blurted out. 'What have you done with Sloppy Xander of the rumpled look?'

'He knew too much, and trust me, you don't want to see him again. Are we all here?' He looked at them, noticing Tara trying to blend into Willow's pale shadow cast by the street lighting. He was also looking for a sign of Angel but he was not surprised to find none.

'Let's go inside.' Willow curled her hand into the crook of his arm as they went in. 'What did you do to your hair?' she asked, looking up at him. 'I really like it.' Xander replied with a pleased grin before letting his eyes wander slowly over the large room, not wanting to look too closely because of the disappointment he already felt. Why would Angel be there again? He suddenly wanted to be somewhere else, in his room eating chocolate and listening to Ray Charles singing country music. He felt like a walking clich�.

Willow left the table to get the drinks and the three looked around the room, taking in the usual crowd drinking and talking, some lingering uncertainly on the dance floor. He watched a girl flicking her hair self consciously every few seconds in an attempt to cover the awkwardness she felt as she danced, and he had the urge to walk over and tell her not to waste her time. If she did not want to dance, it was no big deal. Music could be listened to without physical movement but if she wanted to move, to let the music guide her, let it wrap around her as if the song was being played just for her and no one else. Songs could have that effect.

'So, give!' Buffy demanded, indicating his clothes with her eyes. 'You've changed a lot recently,' she said to him. 'You're still the usual funny Xander, but something's different, and I don't just mean the hair. Which, by the way, is very good. Did you do it yourself?'

'Yes, I did. And yes, I've changed a lot, and I don't just mean the clothes.' He looked at Tara, who held his look for once. 'Lately I've thought a lot about what I'm doing with my life. And this isn't a 'Where did it all go wrong?' rant,' he smiled. 'I feel really,' he searched for the right word, 'free,' he finished. The last time I went off to find myself I was really running away.' He looked down and Buffy smiled reassuringly. 'I wasn't trying to find myself, which is just as well because what I did find was myself lost and confused, so I had to come back home and start again. Now I feel great. And ready to party.'

Willow returned to the table and he managed to persuade her on to the dance floor. Tara was nearly invisible with embarrassment so he did not ask her to join them. Willow moved her head and shoulders tentatively as they moved to the music but she loosened up a lot when he grabbed her and tickled her until she was jerking around like a puppet on a string trying to get away from him. Xander was not surprised when she started leading the moves. Always the quiet ones, he thought to himself. They stayed on for two more songs before returning to collapse at the table.

'Well, Fred and Ginger, you two were having fun,' Buffy said, and Willow grinned at her.

'That was fun,' she stressed in agreement.

'You were great together.' They all looked in unison at Tara who was smiling at Willow. 'Really,' she added, seeing the disbelieving looks on their faces.

'Hey, you know what?' Xander looked at them all in turn. 'What say we hit the road?'

'But we only just got here,' said Willow, looking over at the people on the dance floor.

'Not today. I mean, how's about we head out into the wide blue yonder for a few days, you know., maybe drop in on Cordelia, get the guided tour?'

The others looked at him hesitantly. They had no real excuses to offer, which was the usual automatic reaction when they were trying to defeat evil demons and lecturers. Buffy and Willow looked at each other in silent conference for a few seconds. The idea was attractive to them both. Now that Tara was back Willow was ready for them to spend time together away from the hell mouth. Buffy's only problem was convincing her mother that they had all summer to do the Amy Tan thing, and that could be accomplished with a few wide eyed stares of defiance underscored by heavy pouting.

The two of them smiled and took deep breaths.

'O.k. But,' Buffy stopped him as he was about to speak. 'No roach motels, no country music in the car. Oh! and no back seat driving.'

'And no sudden detours,' Willow added. 'I don't want snakes crawling through my skull in the sand.'

'Willow, we're going to L.A. not crossing the Sahara.'

She grinned at him and Buffy said, 'O.k. Now can we hug?' They all leaned together in an excited bundle, swooping Tara into the circle.

'What are we celebrating?'

The distinctive voice caused them to pause, and Xander hesitated before looking up slowly. His eyes lingered as long as they could on the dark clothes as they rose to meet Angel's quiet stare.

'Uhm, hi, we ah, just, we just decided to uhm, go on a trip.' Xander pulled himself slowly from the hug and Angel nodded as if his reply had explained everything.

'Hi, Angel,' Willow said, smiling with a hint of nervousness and looking at Buffy. Tara peeked nervously out of the corner of one eye at the hem of his coat.

'Hi,' Buffy said brightly. 'Xander told us about last night. Are you o.k.?' She was being civil to him, but the planned trip had presented new possibilities to her and the past was starting to assume its rightful place, in the past.

'No, I'm fine. Xander took the worst of it.' Angel looked at him again and his eyes took in the clothes slowly. 'How is your hand?' he asked.

'Great, great. Thank you. Hello. Oh, did I say that already?' He smiled and looked around them. 'Why don't you grab a seat?'

'Oh, no, I don't want to interrupt. I'm sure you have a lot of things to plan for your trip,' Angel replied hesitantly. Xander felt like a child at a party who had had the last angel cake snatched from his fingers.

'Plenty of time for that,' Buffy cut in, and Xander breathed a sigh of relief which earned him a glance from Tara. 'Grab a seat. We're due any minute now for the next show from the Dirty Dancing duo here,' Buffy continued, looking expectantly at Xander and Willow.

Xander was relieved to see Angel nod briefly and ask the people at the next table if he could take the empty chair beside them. Tara moved closer to Buffy and Angel brought the chair to sit between her and Xander, who jumped up quickly.

'Come on Wills,' he said, reaching for her hand as he pulled her willingly back on to the dance floor. He was overflowing with nervous energy and this time as he danced he did not look back at Angel. Willow was having too much fun to notice and he concentrated on her as he tried to calm himself. After one more song they returned to the table.

'What did I tell you?' Buffy said. 'All this time we had our very own dance queens in our midst and none of us the wiser.'

Laughing, Willow leaned over to punch her arm playfully.

Angel turned until he was almost looking at Xander. 'Buffy tells me you're thinking of coming to L.A.' he said.

'Yeah.' Xander looked at the space a centimeter from Angel's face. He wondered if Tara, who never looked at anyone, felt the same nervousness as well. If she did, his next question would be how she managed to stay upright at all?

'Well, I'm sure you'll enjoy it,' Angel said, noncommittally. 'And Cordelia will be glad to see you. All of you,' he added. 'I think she misses you. I don't think I provide her with enough ammunition.' He smiled and Xander held his gaze as Angel moved his face that extra centimeter and their eyes met.

'So, you're saying "Come to L.A. so that Cordelia can vent," am I right?' He smiled as he spoke and Angel allowed his mouth to curve some more. Xander noticed the smoothness of Angel's face and wondered how far down it continued.

'I'm saying, I hope you come out. L.A can be fun.' Xander wondered whether Angel could actually remember what the word meant. A vampire's idea of fun was bound to be a little different to the usual, but then he thought of Spike and reminded himself that they could sometimes have fun. A little skewy maybe, but fun nonetheless. There was a pause then and Xander tried to force a connection between mind and tongue, one that would not be embarrassing, but Tara saved him from himself when she turned to Angel and asked, 'Will you be in L.A. when we get there?'

Angel, who did not know Tara, accepted the question without comment and replied that he would. 'Good,' she replied, 'I'm glad that there will be someone there we know. Big cities can be so scary. Don't you think so, Xander?' she asked earnestly.

Xander stared at her, wondering if perhaps she was drunk. Willow could have picked up the wrong glass, he thought, it would explain her sudden speechfulness. Willow and Buffy were still chatting together and missed it, so he said, 'Sure,' just to move his mouth from the open 'O' as he stared at her. She smiled at him as if that was the right answer and stood up. 'I'll be back in a minute,' she said, walking in the direction of the washroom.

'She seems nice,' said Angel and Xander nodded agreement.

'Yeah, it will be the first time that we'll spend any time together without the whole hell-mouthy thing,' he said, and Angel smiled.

'Yeah. It can get a bit tiring sometimes.' He looked down at Xander's knee. 'You're looking very smart,' he said. 'It looks good,' he added, and Xander started to blush with embarrassment. 'Have you been shopping?'

'I'll say,' Willow added suddenly , and Xander wondered just how much attention she had been paying to them. 'He bought practically a whole new wardrobe. He's even listening to Ray Charles now,' she added in a tone of voice that indicated that Angel should be impressed.

'Oh, really?' said Angel, his eyes focusing on the air that Xander assumed everyone could see as it rushed out of the building. His stomach seemed to be collapsing in on itself as he heard Willow's voice and he experienced a few seconds when every sound merged into one head filling buzz that he had to force back. When he returned from the scary place the ground was still intact and no one seemed to have noticed anything unusual. Tara returned to the table, overhearing the conversation.

'I like his new clothes,' said, sitting down. Maybe it's drugs, Xander thought to himself. That would explain the sudden trip to the bathroom. 'Are you hungry?' she asked Xander, and her eyes glanced at Angel before returning to his. 'Because we're probably going to head out for some take-out soon. If you were hungry and wanted to come along,' she added.

For someone who didn't speak much, she had a very direct way of getting her point across and Xander spoke slowly, trying to process what she was saying.

'No, uh, I'm not that hungry. After I'd spent everything I had today I stopped off at McDonald's to cry my heart out.'

'O.k.' Tara nodded at him and turned to Willow and Buffy who were deep in the planning process.

Xander looked at Angel, wondering how much of that, if anything, he had picked up on, but the vampire was looking around the room without much interest. Xander breathed a quiet sigh of relief and took another chance to stare at his smooth features.

'I'm hungry, how about you?' Tara said to the two girls who both nodded at her. 'Want to go somewhere for something to eat?'

'Yep, Xander?' Buffy asked him and he hesitated a moment before saying, 'Nah, I'm cool. Where are you guys gonna go?'

'Oh, well, I like the idea of some Chinese.' Tara again. We'll see you tomorrow Xander?'

'Sure thing.' No one seemed to notice the way that Tara was hurrying them, probably too caught up in the fact that she was actually speaking, and Xander was grateful to her. He did not know what he was going to say to Angel, or if Angel would hang around, but the vampire was still looking around the room, intent on not seeming too concerned with the conversation going on around him.

Willow patted Xander's shoulder as she passed, saying good bye to Angel. Buffy offered a general, 'See you later guys,' and the three left, adding dinner to the list of things they had to plan.

Angel watched them go, his eyes lingering after they had left the building. Not looking directly at Xander he asked, 'So, what do you think of Ray Charles?'

*****
tbc