*****

Xander? Who?

Oh! Alexander... um...

Wha'cha wanna know 'bout *him* for?

Huh? That right?

Well, I don't know nothin' 'bout no midnight rescue from a pack of crazy drug addicts. Never said nothin' to *me* 'bout it, then again, he don't say much of *anythin'* to me. After all, I'm just his *mother*, I ain't *important* to the boy. Not like his deranged friends.

Huh?

Sure, sure. Just pull up a chair. Wanna beer?

No? Huh... got vodka. Wan' some of that instead?

Suit yourself, but I hope you don' mind that I'm ganna have some.

Wha?

Oh, yeah right. Um... mostly, Alexander's a pain in the ass.

No, really. I mean, just *think* of where I'd be if it weren't for him. I sure as hell wouldn't be with that good for nothin' low down slimy shit for brains father of his. Kids! Don' ever have 'em. Ain't nothin' but trouble.

I mean, how many times do you think I should be *forced* to tell that brat *not* to get in his dad's way? Doesn't he *know* that the man is a drunken shit? How many beatin's will it take to get it through that kid's head? When Frank is home, sober or not, just don' make *any* noise.

Simple, right?

That's all I've ever asked of him. Clean up after yourself and stay away from your old man when he's in a mood. But, boys are inherently stupid, so... Let's just say that it finally took Alexander's creepy- ass boyfriend to stop the father-son fights.

Huh?

Oh. Yeah... *him*.

Well, William's... a good boy in a creepy scary allergic to sunlight kinda way.

Sor-ry! He's *not* easy to explain, ya know. After all, I'm *not* a head shrinker and the boy is a bleached blonde nut-case.

Wha'cha mean, what clued me in?

Oh. Um, I guess that it was probably the time he cut all of Frank's brake lines on the Chevy. That's when I knew that William wasn't playin' with a full deck, know what I mean?

Why?

Oh, uh, he said he killed the brakes because he found a new set of bruises on Alexander that he didn't put there himself. Told Frank that he had two choices. Get better insurance or leave his, and I quote, "love pillow' alone.

I didn't think that Alexander would put up with anyone threatenin' Frank. I don' give a shit 'cause the guy's a royal dick-head, but he *is* the boy's *father* and all. Do you think that he told William to get the hell out and to never come 'round again?

No!

That idiot child of mine practically *swooned* over William! Babbled about romantic gestures of love and devotion for a week straight. You'd think that no one ever stood up for him before or nothin'.

What?

Who? Me!

Hell no! Frank'd kick my head in if I ever told him to stop whoopin' on the boy.

Huh?

Oh... I see your point. But still...

What?

Oh. There were a few other incidents, but nothin' real big. And Frank survived them all. Mostly by dumb luck if you ask me, but I don' think either of them boys'd be too upset if Frank really *did* buy it one of these times.

Me?

Oh hell. I don' care *what* they do. Or when they do it. Anyone can see that they're both night owls, so whatever it is, it's most likely illegal. I just don' care.

I only got *two* rules. Pay the rent on time and don' burn the house down. I would prefer it if they kept the sex noises down to a dull roar, but even then I don' really care, 'cause I can always turn up the tv or whatever.

What!?

How the fuck would *I* know that?! Listen buddy, when them two start a moanin' and screamin', I stay *up*stairs. I don' *wanna* know, ya know? I'm just glad he got rid of that Anya bitch, that way I don' have'ta worry 'bout raisin' no damn grand-babies. I *did* my time at that mommy crap and there ain't *no way* I'm doin' it again.

What?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Sure ya don' wanna stay and have a few drinks with me? You're kinda cute and Frank ain't gonna be home for an hour or two...

Huh!

What a priss. Was it somethin' I said?...

END