19th March 2002

Wow! I've been living in the same house with Angel for the last couple of weeks, and it's damn amazing. Well, apart from the little episode with the Heroin, but Giles has said nothing about it since. Angel takes his medication and hasn't once mentioned or looked into having another fix. I knew he had a strong character. Even my uncle has noticed the changes in Angel and me. For one, I haven't been out all week. I go to school, and then I come home to spend more time with the lodger. Angel is uncomfortable about staying here, and he's quickly running out of money, having paid Giles for his lodging. Giles even reduced it because Angel does all the cooking now. I was going to lie and give him my own money, but Angel won't accept that. I can't bear the thought of him leaving.

I spend all my time with Angel. I know he's healing well, and hardly has any limp at all. We talk about all kinds of things, but one area he totally avoids is his past. I don't know any more about him than I did when I first started this journey. I'm learning all about him. He hates yoghurt. He loves chocolate but tries to avoid it because of gaining weight. He adores a good action film, and Charlton Heston is his favourite actor. He can quote poetry. He knows martial arts and every morning I watch him do Tai Chi. I've also discovered he's a bloody prankster. He couldn't stop laughing at me when he put toilet blue in the soap dispenser, and I ended up with blue hands for a bloody day. In the end, I scrubbed them with bleach which left them white and raw. I couldn't help but laugh with him, he's so damn beautiful with laughing eyes, and that amazing 100-watt smile. The trouble is, you can't pull the wool over his eyes. Not once have any of my pranks worked on Angel. Bloody good plans, unfortunately he just has this natural talent of messing them up. With Angel, my scheming never works, so I've begun to stick to the straight and narrow with him. The strange thing is, I like being this way. I like trusting him, talking to him, telling him things I've never told a soul. I like coming home to him. Sitting on the sofa next to his strong warm body as he stares at another re-run of the Omega man.

Oh shit! No! Bugger! I think I'm falling in love with him.

This morning was no different to any other. We have a routine now. Angel makes breakfast, my uncle and I eat it and then Giles goes off to work. It's so strange, but we haven't argued once since Angel came. After breakfast, Angel and I talk about what we are doing and plan the evening. I go to school and then come back home to him. Today however, something changed. The first change - a letter arrived.

At first I thought nothing off it. It was addressed to Angel, care of myself. The return address was my surgery and I never considered what it might be, I just handed it over. It was then I noticed something wrong. Angel hadn't moved. He just stood there, holding this letter with a shaking hand, and staring at it as if it contained poison. Then I knew.

"Shall I... do you want me to..." I ask, my voice trembling.

Angel immediately nods and I take the letter. With shaking hands I rip it open, carelessly tearing the letter within, finally pulling it out. I skip over the introduction and then...

In seconds, Angel is in my arms. I grab him to me and plant a firm, hard kiss onto his lips. My arms encircle his strong back and I hold him tightly. I kiss him again, but Angel tries to stop me.

"What?" he asks startled.

"Negative!" I shout. I kiss him and this time his mouth opens to my questing tongue. They entwine and we kiss with a passion I've never known. His mouth is warm, wet and soft. His tongue fights with mine, licking at my teeth and palette while I try to taste his. His hand slides up into my hair and he tilts my head trying to dive deeper inside my mouth. I moan loudly. Oh yeah, I'm kissing Angel. Angel is kissing me.

After a long 10 minutes, we finally break apart. My cock is hard and throbbing. All I want is to touch him more. I want to... no, wait... No, I don't want to make love to him! I'm not gay! Yet, that was the most mind-blowing kiss I've ever experienced. He tasted like sweet wine, as smooth as honey. Ohhhh... I kiss him again, just to taste his lips.

"You should go," he whispers, carefully disengaging his tongue from my mouth.

"Yeah," I answer, not really listening.

Angel draws away and gives me a sad smile. He hands me my bag and returns back to the kitchen. Damn it! I wish I knew what he was thinking. I hope he doesn't believe I was trying to come on to him. I want to, yes, but I want to love him. I don't just want sex... Just shut up! I yell at my head. This is all too much. I can't take anymore. I need time to think about what I do want from Angel. What I really feel for him. Was it just relief that he wasn't HIV positive or something deeper?

Later:

I was so ecstatic when school was over. It has been the longest bloody day of my life. All I've done is think about Angel. Again! About him, me and what I want. Which I still haven't decided upon. I really liked kissing him, touching him, and being with him. But do I want to take it further? Do I want to have sex with him? Then comes the big question about him even wanting me that way. I don't want this to be one sided. I don't want him to feel like a whore. Bugger! I don't know what to do.

I take the long walk home, and as I do pass an artists' shop I've never noticed before. In the front window is a watercolour set on offer with a proper watercolour paper pad free. Without even thinking about what I'm doing, I buy it. Oh shit, now I'm buying him presents! He'll probably think I'm trying to buy myself into his life, his bed or something. Someone just shoot me!

My Uncle is grading papers again, so it's just Angel there when I arrive home. I find him sitting in the kitchen trying to work out his money. He's so totally engrossed by his figures that he doesn't notice me. One thing, I have learned about Angel is that he's hopeless with numbers. Oh, he can read, and is incredibly intelligent. I'll bet that if he had finished high school, he would have had no problem graduating. Apart from the maths problem. That's when I have an idea.

"Angel, I found you a job," I call as I pretend to walk in for a second time. I didn't want him to think I'd been spying on him.

"Huh?" he jumps up, knocking the chair over. "Don't do that!" he scolds when he sees who it is. He slaps my arm gently and my skin tingles with the contact. "What do you mean, found a job? I can't do anything..."

"Yes, you can." I dump the watercolour set on the table and he sits down. "I've seen your paintings, Angel. You're fucking brilliant. I can't see any trouble in you selling them. There's even an art gallery run by Doctor Summer's wife in town, I'm sure she could sell some. Then you could stay here, and not go back..."

"I can't!" Angel cries. I look up amazed and notice tears in his eyes.

"Why? Angel, what you did before... well, it shouldn't have interfered with your ability to paint."

"I can't! Please, don't ask me. I can't!" Angel shoves the paints of the table and runs up the stairs, slamming his door closed behind him.

"Just fucking great!" I yell, my anger getting the better of me. What the hell is his problem? I stomp up the stairs behind him, determined to get to the bottom of this. I barge into Angel's room, almost breaking the door in my fury. Inside I find Angel sitting on the bed staring at the painting of the young brunette girl. Suddenly, a chill passes though me and my anger dies.

"I haven't painted since her..." Angel whispers, his voice distorted by his tears. "She was so beautiful. I used to love painting her, and she adored being a model. It's what she wanted to be. A model or a ballet dancer."

I take a deep calming breath and sit down beside Angel. Without thinking I take his hand into mine, and gently stroke the soft skin. "Who was she?"

"She was my sister." Angel is silent for a long moment, and I don't push him. I know he'll tell me in his own time. I've learned that pushing him just makes him close up even more. You just have to wait. Unfortunately, in the past, I haven't been known for my patience. In fact, Giles considers me the most impatient, foul mouthed person he's ever known. With Angel however, it's different. My patience with him is always rewarded.

"Her name was Kathy. My parents brought us both over from Ireland to California in the early 80's. I can remember Ireland; it was cold and wet, but very beautiful. Kathy couldn't - she was too young. When we arrived in the US, my mother went in for experimental cancer treatment. It didn't work and she died only a few weeks later. After that my father went off the deep end and ended up abandoning us. I spent two weeks in our motel room trying to look after my sister. I kept her fed and clean, but in the end the hotel manager reported us and we were taken away by social services. I never saw my father again." He takes a deep breath and I continue to stroke his hand. "We were put in an orphanage, and we stayed there for a long time. When I was around 13 we were sent to a foster home. I didn't think they were bad people. They just didn't have time for us. I looked after my sister and made sure she was happy and safe. It was over year later when on my 15th birthday... when... my foster father first raped me."

Angel grips my hand almost painfully, but I don't let go.

"He was drunk at the time, and it didn't happen again for awhile. I didn't tell anyone. Kathy was happy, she liked our foster mother, and her school. I didn't want to rock the boat, so I did nothing. A year later, he returned to my bed. This time I tried to fight him off. I was bigger and stronger, but it wasn't enough. He told me that if I didn't allow him to take me, then he'd try my sister out. I just lay there as he came inside me. Then when he left, I knew what I had to do. I packed our things and before dawn, we ran away. Kathy never asked why, she just accepted it. We lived on the streets for a while, and made friends with a young black guy named Gunn. He had a sister too, and both girls got along famously. He found me some work. I packed fish in a market, did some couriering, stuff like that. It wasn't a lot of money but I could afford to keep a room and buy our food. I could even splash out on buying some paints. I did those." He indicates over to the paintings.

Angel is silent for a long moment, but I don't speak. I know he's getting to the hardest part.

"One day, I thought our luck had changed. I was drawing in the street when this old man walked by and took interest. He brought one of the paintings and paid twenty bucks for it. We were going to celebrate. I'd buy us some extra food and I even promised Kathy chocolate ice cream. We went to the local store, and I let her go choose the ice cream while I picked up some other things. I never even noticed when these two kids came barging in. Then all of a sudden there was shouting and a gun went off. My sister started screaming, and they were yelling at her. I dropped everything and ran towards her..."

Angel chokes on his words and I move closer, offering the comfort of my body. I slide one arm around his waist and he leans towards me.

"They started knocking her around, and then threw her across the floor. She hit her head and started crying. They kept yelling at her to shut up. Then one said that she would be pretty enough to take with them. I just snapped. I started yelling at them to take me. I told them they could do anything, I would suck them off, anything, but just leave her alone! One of them hit me with the gun in the chest and he broke a rib. I went down and then he pointed his gun at my head. I watched as his finger tightened on the trigger. I never thought about me, I was just so scared about Kathy. I kept yelling at her to run, to escape. I heard her stamp on the other man's foot and he yelled in pain. Then everything happened all at once. Kathy was screaming my name, running towards me. I heard the gun go off, and I knew that at any moment that bullet would be entering my body."

Angel stops. What does he mean? He was shot? Something more?

"It never came... Kathy... my beautiful Kathy threw herself in front of me. The bullet... it went straight through her... right through her perfect heart... I just knelt there as she fell... I was covered in her blood... I could hear screaming, I think it was me... I felt something hit me then, and I realised that the bullet had passed right through her and into me. It lodged itself into my shoulder, but I couldn't feel it... I was empty inside. I died the very second she did. I held her, and... and she was so cold... so broken... She looked up at me... big empty eyes... she whispered my name... "Liam"..."

Silence. What can I say? How can I offer comfort? Is `I'm sorry' enough? It can never take his pain from him. Never take the emptiness he feels from the lost of this one perfect young girl.

"I never painted after that. I swore I'd never lift another paintbrush. I couldn't work for a long time after they took the bullet out. I lost my jobs, my money and ended up on the street again. That's when Malloy found me. He told me about something that could take away all my pain. I didn't care what it was at the time, I just wanted the memories to stop. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. He took me to his home, shot me up and everything went away. Then in the morning he wanted the money. Of course, he knew I didn't have any. After that he tied me to a bed, and then he and his partners took turns. I didn't feel anything. I just lay there thinking I deserved this. Kathy died because of me. I couldn't save her... it was my fault. After I had paid for my fix, Malloy gave me some money, because he said I'd been so pretty and tight. Then took me to stay in one of his whore's bed-sits. There're have been times I've tried to run away, but I never can get far enough. Malloy always finds me and brings me back. I belong there. He'd rape me, put me in my place, and then let me get on with it. Every week he'd turn up for his cut and rent; he'd give me some more heroin I couldn't afford. Then it would be the next week and it would start all over again."

"You didn't deserve it, Angel," I tell him, reassuringly squeezing his body to mine.

For the first time Angel responds with emotion. "I did! I killed her!" He jumps up, and starts pacing the room, his body tenses with anger and anguish. "It's my fault she died. It should have been me! Me! Not her!" he bellows.

"No! She was killed by some thug's gun, not you. She died saving you! You were more important to her than anything!"

"It should have been me!" he yells back. With a sudden movement, Angel punches the wall, causing plaster to fly up into the air and leaves a big hole. After his energy is gone, he collapses onto the floor and starts to sob into his knees. "It should have been me," he weeps.

Very slowly, I sit down beside him and pull him into my arms. Angel doesn't fight me, but eventually lets his arms slide around my waist, with his head resting onto my chest. I stroke my fingers through his thick hair, rubbing my face into its softness.

"I'm so glad it wasn't you," I mumble into his hair, "I never want to lose you."

20th March 2002

When I awoke it wasn't in my own bed but Angel's. For a moment I couldn't work out where I was, but then it all came back to me with frightening clarity. Angel had told me of his past. His private pain. He had opened up to me and afterwards I had held him as he wept. We had moved to the bed then, nothing happened as we had lay together and slept. I carefully stretch my limbs, making sure I don't disturb my sleeping Angel. His head rests on my chest, and his soft breath caresses my skin. One arm is wrapped around my waist, and his leg presses against mine. His weight feels like heaven next to me. He's so warm, soft, yet hard at the same time.

I lie awake for a long time just thinking. Angel is only two years older than I am and yet he's seen and done so much more. Unfortunately, he hasn't come out of the other end any better off. He's been raped, abused and forced into drug addiction. He holds himself responsible for his sister's death. He believes himself guilty of living when she died. Damn, I'm so glad she loved him as much as she did. That she died for him. He can't see it but that's what she did. She gave her life to save him. Should I give any less?

Lying here in the arms of the man I'm falling in love with - I've decided my future. I'm going to tell Angel I want him. I want to graduate from school, and then I'm going to move in with him somewhere. I want him to paint again while I go to collage. I want to grow old with him. I want to love him, forever. The simple *want* here is that - I *want* him.

Okay, it's time for a plan.

Very carefully, so not to wake my hopefully soon to be lover, I slide out from under him and tip toe downstairs. To my complete and utter happiness, my Uncle had left earlier that morning, leaving me a note say he has to moderate exams and expect him home late. So the first part of my plan is breakfast in bed. It doesn't exactly go as planned and I end up burning everything. Finally, he has to be happy with warm pop tarts. I make tea which he and my uncle actually like drinking. Myself, I go for hot chocolate with the little marshmellows in.

Second part of my plan - seduce Angel. This might be a little hard since I've never actually come on to another man before. I know I kissed him the other day, but that was a spur of the moment kinda thing. I was just so relieved that he wasn't HIV positive I think I would have licked his feet. I take the breakfast upstairs on a tray, I didn't go for a flower, I might love him but I am not a pansy!

Angel looks so cute when sleeping and I decide to wake him with a soft kiss on his lips. He moans softly and reaches out to touch my face. I remember back when I had first met him. Didn't Malloy say that Angel had never slept in the same bed as his customers? Well, he slept all night with me. This time I kiss him again, with more force, and when he breathes, I push my tongue past his parted lips. I taste his warm palette, and after a few moments his sleepy tongue entwines with mine and the kiss deepens. One large hand worms it's way into my hair and pulls me towards him. I rest my weight on the bed... suddenly, I hear a chink as two cups collide on the tray. Angel pulls away and opens an eye. He smiles when he sees breakfast.

"Hi," he murmurs sleepily, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.

"Morning," I answer, leaning over to kiss him lightly again. He seems to enjoy my advances and we share another heated kiss, until we are disturbed by the clinking crockery.

Angel laughs and picks up his cup of tea, sipping the hot liquid carefully as I sit beside him on the bed. He chuckles softly when he notices the hot chocolate and hands it to me. We eat the pop tarts in silence, but it's not uncomfortable. It's just... happy in a way. I don't know if I can explain it. I just feel complete sitting here with him. When breakfast is finished, Angel grins at me and picks up the tray. He leans over my body and puts the tray onto the floor. Wow! Great view of his back and ass.

"What are you planning, Will?" he asks in a casual voice.

"Huh? Nothing..." Shit! How did he know?

"You hardly ever do anything for nothing," Angel answers with a sly smile.

"I don't want anything like that Angel!" I cry, "I'm not doing this so you feel pressured into..." Bugger! I'm making a right mess of this.

"I know, Will. I didn't mean that. I know you aren't pressuring me. I...I just want to."

Huh? "Err... what?"

"I want to make love with you," Angel whispers over me, crawling up my body.

*****
Part 5:

Okay, plan 2 down the drain, but things are certainly looking good so far. "I want you too, Angel," I reply. I lean forward and press my mouth to his. He kisses passionately, all tongue, lips and movement. He licks, sucks and probes my mouth. I don't stay pliant through all this and return the favour. I want to taste every corner of his mouth. I want to mark it as mine.

Our kisses become gentler and less frantic as we turn our attention to other matters. Hands attack clothing and push them from male shoulders. With both remove our pants, and then return to the process of exploration.

"Will, you're so beautiful," Angel moans into my mouth, as his large hands caress my chest. He rubs over my skin with soft caresses, paying special attention to my nipples, making me quiver. I groan under him as I feel myself become more and more aroused, and we haven't even reached the cock part yet. Angel's mouth leaves mine and instantly finds my nipples. No one has ever really paid much attention to them, but it feels like Angel has been worshipping them for hours. He sucks, nips and pulls with hand and mouth, making them hard and tight. With each caress it sends a bolt of desire directly to my throbbing cock.

"Oh... Fuck... Angel..." I moan as I writhe under him. Why the hell hasn't anyone done this before? I swear I'm going to cum just from nipple manipulation. Okay, I've had enough of this. This is not going to be one sided. We are making love, not having sex. With one movement, I roll us over and now Angel is below me.

"Ah, Liam, you're fucking gorgeous," I compliment him with a false Irish accent. Angel laughs, then quickly starts to moan as I attack his chest. Angel's hands thread threw my hair as I suck his nipple. He laughs and moans as my fingers find the other, pulling on it harshly. They harden under my touch, just like female one's but his wide-open chest is far more accessible. I love how I can feel his rib cage under my fingers, and how the tiny brown nipples stretch the skin taunt.

Angel's moans turn to laughter again as I move further down his chest. I trace the outline of his abs with my tongue down to his stomach. When I reach his navel, he starts to chuckle softly. Ah, first ticklish place! I lick over that special place until he's had enough and he rolls us over again. I guess it's my turn.

Angel's attention returns to my chest, making sure my nipples are hard and erect. Then, with strong hands, he strokes the length of my chest down to my concave stomach. I don't have the build Angel does, being of smaller form and bone structure. My hands rub his strong shoulders as he licks my navel, plunging his tongue deeply inside. Then he does something different. He rests his weight on my lower body and muzzles his face into my stomach. Angel's soft, thick hair rubs into my skin, his cheek and lips pressing against me. I swear it's the most sensual thing I've ever experienced. I groan louder as his hair and eyelashes caress my skin, and then he moves even lower.

"Oh fuck, Angel!" I cry. Angel's warm tongue licks at the beginnings of my pubic hair, his cheek grazing against my cock.

"Ohhhh... Yeahhhhh..." I moan. Angel chuckles into my flesh and moves even lower. Oh wow! Is he going to suck me? Please! I've never been part of oral sex before. I have seen it done. I caught Angel in at Alley with....

"Angel, stop!" I beg.

"Will, what's wrong? I'm doing something wrong..."

"No, I just... I don't want you to do that if you don't like it," I tell him, remembering his puking after swallowing another man`s cum.

"I want to, Will. I didn't enjoy it before because I felt... well, I was forced into it. It made me feel dirty and I couldn't swallow it. You find out quick that most men get upset if you spit it out." He gives me a quick lick up the whole length of my cock and I whimper. "I want to taste you, Will. I want to touch you."

"Fine," I mumble, getting lost in the sensations he's causing.

Angel's mouth returns back to my cock and he gives a few more experimental licks. I moan appreciatively and he takes the acorn shaped head of my penis back into his mouth. I try and say something, but all I can do is groan loudly. Angel chuckles around my cock, and that just increases the intense pleasure. Suddenly Angel pulls away from my length and just looks at it. I mean really looks at it. For a very long time. Well, it could just have felt that way. To my amazement it's really quite a turn on. I feel myself growing harder and harder every second his eyes caress me.

"Please!" I end up begging, unable to take any more. Angel finally lifts his eyes from my throbbing penis and smiles at me. He leans down again and cups my balls in one hand. His large fingers feel gentle around me, but then he adds a little pressure. "Yesssss..." I hiss in painful delight. I moan again as I feel his mouth touch me. He tongues me, giving long wet licks up the entire underside of my erect organ. As he licks my length, his tongue tests, lightly pushing against certain parts. He reaches the top and presses against the point where my foreskin was attached. Angel keeps pressing that same part and gets the same response from me. A really unmanly yelp that only encourages him to tease me even more. He moves away from that point, taking the head into his mouth. I groan into his warmth, and he slides me deeper. I feel his throat muscles relax around my dick and I watch with wide eyes as I disappear inside his talented mouth.

"Bugger!" I cry as he swallows around my cock head.

Okay, this isn't the longest blowjob in history but I can't hold back a second more. With that one fantastic movement I come spurting onto his tongue and he swallows around me. Even as my cock starts to soften Angel holds me in his mouth, and soon his tongue and sucking starts to become painful. Not hurtful, but really pleasurable in a way.

"Please," I beg. Angel releases me as if he didn't realise what he was doing. With one fast movement he is up the length of my body and kissing my face frantically.

"Oh, Will," he moans between kisses, "you taste so good. I can't get enough of you!" I immediately start to harden again at his words. I had thought he wouldn't swallow and I tried to prepare myself not to be disappointed. His words amaze me and I feel my heart swell again. Angel suddenly scurries back downward as soon as my cock starts to press into his stomach, taking it back into his mouth.

"Angel, please!" I cry. I grab his arms and pull him back up to face me. "I don't want this to be one-sided. You've given me immense pleasure, now it's your turn."

Angel looks startled at my words, but I guide him onto his back and notice a slight tremble in his body.

"Has anyone pleasured you, Angel?"

"No," he whispers dejectedly, "I was paid for their pleasure, not my own. No one has ever sucked me; I haven't even fucked a man. They usually take one look at me, and want only to take me until I begged them to stop."

"Your pleasure is of the utmost importance to me, Angel," I murmur against his lips, as I kiss him. "But to tell you the truth, I've never performed oral sex on anyone."

"You don't have to take me into your throat, Will. That comes with practice, and sometimes lots of it. You can use you're hands, anything."

Hands. Now I'm no artist, but I have been told I have very fine and elegant hands. Long tapered fingers with a good ability to sculpt well. Okay, so it was a pottery teacher that told me that, but surely I can do some moulding on Angel's cock. And such a perfect cock it is, too. I pull away from his lips and look down at his hard length. Slightly longer than my own, and as straight as an arrow. It's one of my favourite features about Angel, and I want to show him my appreciation of it.

I grin down at him as I straddle his thighs, and get in a good position to properly worship him. Damn, he's big! I test his shape and my hand doesn't completely encircle it, so I use both hands and gently stroke him. Angel's eyes roll up to the top of his head and he moans in surprised pleasure. I love how he reacts to me. I love how he's my first man and in many ways I'm becoming his. I want to explore every part of his cock. I start with strokes and then using my fingertips. tickle up and down his length in straight lines. He really likes that. Angel mumbles something completely unintelligible and thrusts upward into my hand. I change my action to fondle and massage his length. I rub the base of his cock, cupping his balls as I go. Then I run my fingertips along his length, swirling around the cock head, then back down the base. I continue repeating this action, until Angel starts saying something new.

"Will... Will... Will..." he begins to chant. I think I like being a cock-tease.

Now, I'm not perfect and I've jerked myself off enough times, but touching Angel feels so different. My hands are giving him total pleasure. He feels so amazing, and I love how he reacts to my caresses. I try something else, something I've done on myself and enjoyed, but I couldn't get it completely right. I press my palm to the top of his penis and hold it there. My hand is straight and then I start to spin, as if opening a jar lid. Angel immediately growls and presses up into my hand more firmly. As he's groans, growling my name and basically writhing all over the bed, I slip a hand down to his testicles and lift them with my fingers.

"Will! Will! Will!" Angel's voice is rising loudly, and I'm really glad my uncle isn't around. I hold his testicles and gently tug them down away from his shaft. I add a couple of bounces in, feeling their weight.

"Bugger, Angel! You're so beautiful. Your cock so perfect. Your nuts feel so good in my hand. Can you feel how heavy they are? How they ache to come, come for me, my Angel," I tell him as I roll them up the underside of his shaft. Angel's chanting soon turns to panting, and I feel a wonderful drop of pre-cum forming on his tip. I remove my hand, returning it to stroking and with a little apprehension take the head of his cock into my mouth. With relief I find that it doesn't feel wrong, in fact he feels hard and warm. I can feel all the changes happening to his cock all at once. The head starts to swell a little, and the vein underneath pulsates slightly against my tongue. The reactions increase as I continue my hand actions and add a little sucking with my mouth. Suddenly, a rush of warm cum covers my tongue, and I swallow him down. He tastes slightly bitter, but not offensive. I continue to swallow as he fills me, finishing with a loud scream as his load ebbs and finally stops.

"Wow!" Angel cries above me, "no wonder they pay for it!" Strong arms grab my shoulders and he pulls me into his embrace. He kisses me desperately, his tongue tasting himself in my mouth.

"Will, you feel so good. Gods, I love you!" he yells, laughing, and giddy with his joy.

"What?" I pull away from him and stare down into his dark, lusty eyes.

"Oh, Will... I love you," Angel repeats more clearly. His large fingers stroke my cheeks and he kisses my nose. "I tried not to. I tried to stop it, but I can't. I shouldn't love you, I don't deserve it, but I do."

"Angel, I've always loved you," I whisper.

Our lips meet again, this time more sweetly then ever before. We kiss, trying to express our feelings, not just the passion. I lust for Angel. I yearn to be with him, but I love him too. I tried to stop it. I didn't want it to happen either. I always thought I was straight. Women all the way. It didn't turn out that way. I guess you can't control whom you fall in love with. Believe me, I tried.

22nd March 2002

The last couple of days have been the most amazing of my life. I didn't go to school on Wednesday, and only managed half a day on Thursday. Friday - today - I just gave up on. When I'm away from Angel, he's all I can think about. Since the first time we've touched, we've hardly been out of bed. We haven't penetrated each other, but just explored, touched, tasted and held. I've discovered Angel loves just to be held. He sleeps wrapped in my arms, his head on my chest and I hold him. I know its kinda poofy, but the truth is, I really like holding him.

During our times, he's shown me lots of techniques. We've kissed for hours. Stroked and touched each other's body. He has massaged my feet, which I really enjoyed. So much so, I nearly came from it. We have even bathed together. Washed each other's hair, kissed and groped in the tub, splashing water all over the floor, which unfortunately then leaked into the kitchen. Angel showed me all the techniques of fellatio he knew. He told me that he enjoyed sharing it with me. That he loved me trying it out on him. Sometimes, I'm glad that one of us has some experience. I just don't try to think about how he got it. Strangely enough, none of those men or women that paid Angel for sex ever intruded into our activities. It was like it was another life and it didn't really matter.

Well anyhow, tonight all the seniors from school will be in the usual place. The Bronze. It's the only decent club in Sunnydale. Okay, it's the only place Sunnydale has to be in, apart from the coffee bar and you really can't dance there. Tonight, I want to take Angel out. I want to be seen with this absolutely stunningly handsome man at my side. I'm not sure if I can introduce him as my boyfriend, or partner or anything like that, but I want to be seen with him. It's not entirely that. I also want Angel to experience my life. I want him to be a part of it outside of this house.

To my complete and utter surprise, Angel agrees to go out with me. I'm amazed that he agrees so quickly. During the time I've known him, I have discovered that Angel can be completely and utterly stubborn, so stuck in his decision that he won't change his mind no matter what. I really love his determination, but it can be annoying at times. Especially when I don't get my own way.

This evening, Angel cooks a dinner for my uncle, which was nearly burned. It wasn't his fault, but mine. He was wearing those black leather jeans, with a red crushed velvet shirt and I just couldn't keep my hands of him. In the end, he was trying to fry some chicken while I was testing out my new skills of sucking him off. Luckily, I was just tucking him away, when my Uncle came home.

Angel's cooking skills are a joy to Giles and he's more than halved Angel's rent. The only trouble is, he's hardly ever late home, but strangely ever since Angel has lived here, Giles and I have hardly argued. Maybe it's because I spend all my time and energy on Angel and not getting myself into trouble.

"Aren't you hungry?" my uncle asks, as I shove my food around my plate.

"I'm full," I answer.

"You shouldn't eat between meals," Giles scolds in his parental way.

"No, I haven't. It's just this new protein diet I'm on."

It's a good job I've done a first aid course. Poor Angel couldn't stop choking, while Giles looked on, totally bemused.

When we arrived at the bronze, the whole place is crammed full with what must have been the whole senior year. All my friends were there. Xander and my ex-Drusilla, Willow, Oz, and Buffy, who was arguing with the queen bitch, Cordelia. Oh joy. Of all the times to take Angel out, I bring him to the pre-fumigation party. Angel takes this all in his stride, but I do notice that he's never far from my side. I make my way over to my friends and casually introduce him. They all ask the usual questions. `Hi, where are you from?' `Have you got a girlfriend?' `How old are you?' Angel answers, but does something I've never heard before. A couple of times, he actually stutters. I think that underneath that tough exterior, he's actually a shy and private person. It's so... so cute. Oh bugger, that damn word again!

I have discovered that I hate him talking to Buffy. She's a petite blond, very pretty and for the longest time I had a major crush on her. I mean a boyish crush of following her around school, drooling. She is a beautiful young woman, great build and body, but her personality is a bit temperamental. She once told me I was beneath her, and she would never consider going out with anyone like me. Anyhow, she's really into hot men, too. The tall, dark and devastatingly handsome type. *My* type of man, it seems. Which would immediately describe Angel. Well, on first sight she instantly zeroed in on him. She put on all the charm, the swagger in her hips, the whole pushing up her bosom thing. For the first time ever, I hated her.

"So Angel, you're from LA," she purrs, "I'm from there originally, but then my boring parents moved here. I mean this place is nothing like a cool, big city. There is so little to do here. Maybe we could..."

"I...err... like Sunnydale..." Angel mumbles in reply.

"Oh, yeah. I do to. Do you wanna dance? I could tell you all about the most interesting places." Buffy leans forward and gives him a full view of her cleavage.

Right! That does it! I stub out my herbal cigarette and growl. Okay, it's herbal because Angel doesn't like me smoking. He says that if he can give up hard drugs, I can give up fags. Still, I am having a little problem. I keep having this desire to either smoke or touch him. I get out of my chair, and stand behind Angel. I haven't a clue what I'm doing. I really think this is the most stupid move I've ever made. It's going to ruin my reputation for being a bad boy. But I just can't let this continue.

"I...err... I don't dance..." my lover stutters to Buffy. Others might not notice, but his whole face depicts a look of fear and uncertainty. I don't think he likes people coming on to him. I'm not surprised, given his profession. It's strange how we met. I think we saved each other, we loved and then the sex came after. I know it only took a couple of weeks, but I think I loved Angel the first time I looked in his eyes.

"Angel," I whisper seductively into his ear, "dance with me, lover?"

Angel shudders as my breath caresses his neck, and without conscious thought he gets to his feet. I take his hand and pull him towards the mass of people swaying and grinding on the dance floor. The music is thankfully slow, but with a good steady beat. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch Buffy's mouth drop open, and she stares uncomprehending at the man who turned her down for another man.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Angel whispers.

"No, but I want them to know you're mine," I lean forward and brush my lips against his. Damn, I hate having to lean up to kiss him. If only he was a little shorter... no, I like him just the way he is.

Angel gives me that amazing 100-watt smile, and my insides turn to mush. He slips an arm around my waist, and I rest my head onto his large chest. I'm a little worried about what the hell I'm doing, but at this moment there is nowhere else I'd rather be. Angel feels so warm, large and protective. It is as though he belonged at my side forever. That if we were immortal, I would want him for eternity. Even if he was... Now there's a thought. For the first time ever, I think I have an incredible idea for a novel. Yep, I'm seeing the whole thing flashing before my eyes. Whoa, it's like this imaginary world is becoming alive right inside my mind. I see the characters. The events... My Angel... Oh wow! This is fucking amazing! I urgently want to go home and write it. Trouble is I don't want to move from Angel's embrace. Ah, my first relationship dilemma. Stay and dance with my lover, or go home and lock myself in my room to write my first novel?

23 March 2002

Last night we danced at the nightclub for around an hour. Then my friends kinda dragged me off the dance floor, and asked what the hell I was doing dancing with another man. I told them in clear terms that Angel is my lover. It was a bit... well, a huge shock to them. Buffy and Xander didn't take it well at all, but Willow understood and was very accepting to Angel and me. Afterwards, we went home, made love in my bed, and then when Angel was asleep, I grabbed up my laptop and started writing.

The Adventures of Angel and Spike. A Vampire Novel by William Montague.

Angelus, fiend of Europe was the most evil vampire to ever walk the earth...

*****
Part 6:

And that's how it started. For hours I typed and typed until my fingers hurt. Then I typed some more. I knew I'd been at it all night, but I couldn't stop. I was lost in this new world of Angel and Spike. The dawn came and went, my Uncle shouted for his breakfast which awoke Angel, and he sleepily went to cook it. Angel then returned back to bed and went to sleep again. My Uncle whistled off to work and I still continued to write. It must have been around midday when Angel finally reawakened. I didn't take much notice, but I could feel him watching me. He lay on his side beside me, large brown eyes taking in my every detail. In no time, I was finding his stare increasingly distracting. My whole body started to feel warmer, and my lap became uncomfortable, as my penis started to swell under his watchful eyes.

It was becoming more and more difficult to type, as my cock became erect and pushed the laptop off balance. Angel must have noticed this because his hand slipped under the covers and gently stroked my leg. I sighed deeply and the whole length of my body shivered at his gentle touch. The more he stroked the harder I became. His caresses suddenly changed, running down the whole length of my thigh and higher onto my hip, each time he passed near my cock, I wished he would touch it.

"Fuck!" I cry in the end, shutting the laptop down and hurriedly putting it aside. In one swift movement, I have Angel under me and my lips firmly attached to his. We kiss passionately, and our tongues entwine. My hands slip into his thick hair, tilting his head so I can dive deeper inside his mouth. At times like these I wish to be inside him. I wonder what it's like to be encased by his warm, hard body. What does it feel like to stretch out his anus with my cock? To make him come as I pound away inside of him?

Angel suddenly pulls away from my mouth, and I try desperately to kiss him again. "I want you," he whispers huskily into my ear. "I want you to take me, Will."

I instantly pull away; I roll over onto my side and study him. "Angel, I don't want to hurt you if you're not ready. I don't really know how..."

"I'm healed," he reassures me, pressing his long fingers to my lips, "I know it will be your first time, and I want you to take me so much, beloved. I ache for you."

Angel pushes me onto my back, as he crushes his lips to mine. While we kiss, Angel fiddles around on my bedside cabinet and pulls out a condom and lube. On second thoughts he puts the condom back and kisses me fiercely.

"There won't be anyone but you," he mumbles, as our kisses become frantic. Our bodies rub together, and I feel like crying at his words, or maybe even coming. After a long moment, Angel breaks away from my mouth and slides down my body. He takes my erection in his large firm hand, and coats it liberally with the honeysuckle scented lubricant. I watch, taking it all in, not sure what to say to him. I really don't want to mention anything that might spoil this moment. My brain is half in shock because he really wants me to touch him, even after the violent rape he has so recently suffered.

When Angel has finished covering my length, he sits up, coats his fingers and presses them to his anus. I stop him. "What are you doing?"

"I... err... have to be prepared," he mumbles embarrassed.

"Can I do it?" I ask, taking the lube from his hand. Angel's eyes widen in pleased surprise and he turns around. I pull him forward until he's straggling my chest, his ass next to my face. Wow, he's gorgeous. His buttocks are toned and round, hard to the touch as I part them, taking my first look at the place I've wanted to be in for over a week. The tiny puckered opening is closed and tight - perfectly healed. I lube up a finger and press it inside him. Angel groans with the contact and pushes back slightly. I'm not entirely sure about this, but I thrust forward and my finger slips inside his body.

"Fuck..." I moan. A tight ring of muscle clamps down hard around my digit, and I have to stroke and push to get further inside. I withdraw and add more lube, before adding another finger to his tight orifice. With two fingers I swirl around, caressing and pressing against his outer walls. Angel seems to be enjoying my fingering as he rocks back on my hand, his head dropping to rest on my legs, giving me full access to his most perfect place. When I think there's enough lubricant, I add another finger and prod deeper. The tight ring gives way and I press against a warm, smooth channel. It curves slightly upwards and I butt against it.

"Will!" Angel yells as I forcibly push against a small nub inside him. I've done Sex-Ed and I'm guessing that this is his prostate gland. I push again and he writhes above me, his rocking becoming harsher and more vigorous. The more I probe around, the more he starts to pant.

"Oh... fuck!" he cries. I think that's one of the few swear words he's ever used. Angel doesn't need to swear. He can be aggressive or fierce without using then. "Stop..." he starts to moan.

"Am I doing something wrong?" I ask, concerned.

"Oh... no... Will!" he pants again as I push deeper inside. "No... if you don't stop... I'm gonna come..."

So, I don't stop. I lube up another finger and with all four I thrust inside his tight channel. I want him to come on my hand. I want to watch my fingers disappear inside him. He feels so different to a woman, better in ways I can't explain. Maybe it's because I love him?

"Willlllll!!" Angel screams, as he orgasms above me, his body arching, his ass pressing down onto my hand as his cock erupts over mine.

"Good?" I grin at him as he turns around. He gives me an angry look, but his eyes are sparkling with intense pleasure. With a sure movement Angel straddles me again, takes hold of my hard length and quickly slides down onto me.

"Good?" he asks as he takes my whole length inside his body.

"Fuck!" I scream in return as his tight, warm passage squeezes me. Angel grins and starts a slow, but hard rhythm. His movements become automatic, and I'm being to feel a little... well, it's like he's not fully enjoying this.

"Angel," I pant, holding his hips still, "Do what *you* like."

Angel has another extremely surprised look on his face, but his movements change. Instead of the harsh thrusts, he starts to grind his ass against my hips. Inside, my cocks stretches and caresses his passage and he moans as I crush up against his sensitive tissues. Angel's movements become and more assertive and soon my cock seems to be stroking every single place he likes to be touched. His moans increase, getting louder and louder. He starts to pant, as his whole body trembles with extreme gratification, his skin slick with sweat, glowing in the afternoon light.

"Angel, I love you," I moan, my hips thrusting up into his dark, perfect place. My hands start caressing his hard chest, pulling and rubbing his erect nipples. Our movements change slightly and he lifts himself up and down my length as I thrust upwards, all the time keeping his hips circling, adding a blissful stretch to my thrusting. The sight of my lover receiving so much joy from my cock, the look on his face, and the intense sensations of his tight passage gripping and caressing, finally send me over the edge. I scream his name.

"Annnggggeeeelllll!" I yell, the sound off my voice reverberating of the walls and ceilings. I bet you could hear my scream for miles around. If anyone had any doubt about my sexual orientation, they only had to hear that sound and they would know I'm Angel's forever.

I think it was a good couple of hours until either of us moved again. I was just so happy to lie there in my lover's embrace, my head resting upon his warm chest. Our bodies were slick with sweat, slightly smelly with cum, but I didn't want to move for anything.

"What are you writing?" Angel inquires after a long silent moment.

"A novel," I reply.

"About?"

"Us."

"What?" Angel immediately sits up with a betrayed look on his face. "You wrote about me... about what I did?"

"No!" I reassure him, taking his face in my hands and kissing him lightly. "No, I wrote about what I feel for you. The characters aren't us... well; they are vampires, so they can't be us."

"Vampires?" he asks amused.

I pick up the laptop and switch it on. "Yeah." I show Angel the title and he grins. "It's about Angelus, the Fiend of Europe..." I notice a bemused grin.

"Fiend?"

"You don't like it?"

"It sounds funny... maybe... err... Scourge?"

"The Scourge of Europe," I repeat, testing the sound of it. "I like it," I decide and change the wording.

"It's about Angelus, Scourge of Europe, the evilest vampire ever. He gets turned - I'm calling it Sired - by this bitch Darla, and they become lovers and start cutting a bloody path across the continent. Years later, he turns an innocent young girl, Drusilla but first he drives her insane. This Drusilla comes across a young, very handsome, clever..."

Angel interrupts with a sly smirk, "Egoistical..."

"No... man, and wants to turn him. She bites him, but Angelus is jealous of Dru and steals the young man himself, takes him to his bed and sires him. This youth calls himself William the Bloody, or as you and I know him, Spike. Now this Spike falls madly in love with Angelus, his sire, but Angelus is an evil demonic vampire that loves nothing. Years later, Darla gives Angelus a gypsy girl for his birthday, whom he defiles and murders. The Gypsy's clan, in a fit of revenge gives Angelus his soul back in the form of a curse. With this new soul Angelus feels all the guilt, suffering and pain of his victims. It drives him to the edge of insanity and he runs away from his vampire family. Spike, feeling deserted and unloved, turns to Dru for comfort."

"So, I leave you?" Angel asks, a disturbed and sad look on his face.

"I haven't finished yet," I reassure him, leaning over and kissing his succulent lips. "This new soul - called Angel - lost and confused, finds his way back to his bitch sire and family in China. Darla hates the soul, but Spike is overjoyed that his sire/lover is back, and takes him in. Together they run away, leaving Darla and Dru behind, searching for a new life. During the next hundred years or so they will fight various demons, vampires, devils and stuff. There's going to be Vampire Slayers, witches, werewolves and dumb blonds. Most of all though, Angel and Spike will be together. Forever."

A wonderful smile starts on Angel's lips, spreading across his entire face. I kiss him softly and he pulls away. "So, I'm guessing that this Sire..."

"Sire and Childe relationship?"

"Sire and Childe vampire thing is going to be on the lines of Sub/Dom. The Sire taking the Childe and such?"

"Yeah..." I confirm, not sure where he's going.

"So, Angel will be fucking Spike a lot? I guess he'll let him do the other way occasional, but mainly I'd get to take him?"

Ah, that's where this is going. "Yes Sire," I reply with respect, "you can fuck me at any time."

"Can I make love to you?"

"Oh... god, yes Angel... Please," I shove the laptop aside, and slide down the bed. Angel leans over and presses his lips to mine, his tongue forcing my mouth open. He surges inside, desperate to touch and be touched. Our tongues entwine, as our hands wander over sex warmed skin, cocks responding to the sensation of this closeness.

My hand quickly finds the discarded lubricant, and I squeeze some into my hand. As we continue kissing, I slide my hand down to Angel's erect cock and coat him with long hard stokes. He moans and thrusts into my caress, but then pulls away as he sits up.

"I want you on your back. I need to see your face. Please," he begs. I don't answer but smile happily in return.

I'm not entirely sure what to do, but Angel parts my legs, and settles himself between them. He takes my hands and with his help I lift my knees, holding them to my chest. My hips roll upwards, revealing my untouched hole. Angel slowly strokes my thighs, then massages my tense buttocks. After a few minutes, I relax with his welcomed touch and he presses a wet, cool finger into my hole, causing a burning sensation. The lubricant quickly starts to warm, as he gently moves his finger in and out until the burning ebbs. Now, I start to feel the full blown pleasure of his actions. When he feels my muscles relax, he adds another finger.

All this time I watch my lover's angelic face. So full of concentration and love, that I can't speak, but just moan as he caresses me in the most intimate of places. The second finger burns again with the added stretch, but this time it fades a lot quicker. I unintentionally thrust slightly, enjoying the feel of his thrusting and stretching against my anus. I never thought it would feel like this. I feel every inch of his fingers with amazing clarity; I feel his fingertips pushing past the outer ring, and deeper inside.

"Oooohhhh," I groan out, while Angel chuckles. He is still smiling, and I'm wondering if his face is going to hurt after this. "Yeah!" I cry as Angel adds a third finger, this time moving deeper, touching me as I did him. I feel my cock swell even more with each movement of his fingers, but I don't touch it because I want to come from his actions not mine. Angel starts to thrust inside me, each time getting deeper and then...

"FUCK!" I scream, shooting my load over my chest, some of it hitting Angel`s face. Whoa, I've never come that quickly before. Angel keeps thrusting against that trembling nub inside, and I feel myself harden again. Oh, yeah! I love his fingers.

I complain loudly when Angel withdrawss from my body, but his fingers are quickly replaced by something much bigger. The intense stretch of Angel' cock as it glides inside, makes my eyes burn with tears. He moves slowly and carefully forward, and then stops. I feel him lean over me, and I realise I've closed my eyes.

"Am I hurting you?" he asks as he kisses my cheeks and forehead.

"A little..." I moan.

"It will pass; I don't have to thrust any deeper if it's uncomfortable."

"No! I want all of you, Angel, every inch!" I pull him down, my arms wrapping around his strong body as I kiss him frantically.

"Will," he groans and slowly presses forward again. He's so tender, careful and loving. I don't know how long it took him, but finally he was buried inside my rectum. I could feel the incredible sensation of his balls pressing against my ass, and I knew his whole cock was inside me. I've never felt so complete as I did then. I held Angel to me, and to my surprise, his face was wet with tears.

"I love you so much, Will," he whispers, his voice filled with emotion. "I never want anyone but you. I never want to be touched again, if it's not by you."

I can't find the words to answer him. My reputation, my desire to be the big bad, are all forgotten in this bed. I lose myself in my lover, and just feel the emotions he induces in me. I concentrate on his large body pounding into mine, rearranging my bowels in such a way that I'm screaming in passion and desire, begging him to ram deeper. I howl as he takes my dripping cock into a firm hold and pumps me in time with his thrusting. I scream, beg, growl, howl, losing myself in Angel and our lovemaking. Because that's what is this. Not shagging, fucking or screwing. I've given myself to Angel, as he has given himself to me.

My thoughts are lost as Angel hits my prostate over and over again. I can't hold back anymore and for the second time in an hour, I cover Angel's hand. He continues to pound away as he brings his wet hand to his mouth, licking away my warm seed. Well, that brings on a second dry orgasm, causing my anus to contract up and down. In turn, Angel climaxes, screaming and howling my name, as he fills my aching passage with his orgasm.

Afterwards, in our post-orgasmic bliss, we curl together in my bed, sticky and sated. Our bodies pressing together, hands and mouths touching gently, as we lull each other to sleep. My sleepy mind doesn't even register the loud footsteps running down the hall, and they certainly don't understand the slamming of the outer door.

24th March 2002

It's late morning when I awaken. The bed is warm, but surprising empty. I reach out to touch Angel, but I can't find his desired body to curl against. I immediately awaken and look around. On the bed next to me is a little note.

Will,

Sorry, I had to leave you but I have to do something. Don't worry
it's nothing bad, it's a surprise for you. And I had to cook Giles'
breakfast. There is something strange with him this morning...

Love, Angel.

I smile in a unmanly way at the last line - *love, Angel*. I put the note in my bedside table and get dressed. I wonder what Angel's surprise could be? My stomach rumbles as I dress and I realise that I hadn't eaten at all yesterday. Well, I was kinda busy at the time.

Wow! I had sex with Angel! Real sex. I was in him and he was in me... Wow! WOW!

Okay, gotta get a hold of myself, and wipe the silly grin off my face. It certainly doesn't go with my tough guy image. I straighten myself up and decide to get some breakfast - well, brunch. When I arrive downstairs, I'm surprised to see my Uncle sitting at the kitchen table, sorting out his bills. Then I realise its Sunday, and he's not at work. We greet each other with the usual `morning' and I grab some pop tarts. I'm about to go eat them in front of the TV, when Giles stops me.

"William, I need to talk to you."

Damn, I hate that tone. He always uses it when he is about to give me a dressing down. I sigh and sit down. I really didn't want an argument this morning. My body throbs happily with over use, sated and high from yesterday's activities, and I really didn't want anything to spoil this feeling.

"It was Saturday, yesterday," Giles starts. I look at him completely confused. So? "I work in the mornings, doing the assignments for the next week, remember?" he reminds me.

"Yeah... so?" I reply, completely and utterly perplexed.

"I came home around late afternoon. I heard you William. I heard Angel, too."

Oh shit!

*****