*****

Part 1: Turbulence

He�s given into darkness. He�s fired me. He�s gone so over, so far away. And I�ve let this happen. For months I have stood by, too afraid to say what was in my heart, too afraid to challenge him. I was afraid that if I did he would send me away. I didn�t want that. I need him. I live for him. I would die for him.

And he fires me with only a moment�s thought.

Angel killed Lindsey. *My* Lindsey, the man I fuck weekly, the man that my body yearns for in those moments that I am away from Angel or thoughts of Angel.

I have nothing now, no one. Lindsey is dead and Angel...

Well, Angel was never really mine in the first place, was he? I had thought... I thought what? That somewhere deep inside him he cared for me? He thought of me, even as a friend? Apparently I rank even less than that. He fired me.

I am so lost. My mind is whirling.

Lindsey.

What if they turn him? He is so beautiful. What if even they cannot resist him? He�ll make a powerful vampire, I suppose. Why wouldn�t they... No, they�ll just kill him. Please, just have him drained, quickly and as painlessly as possible.

I am not a religious man, but I pray for him. I have to. He is my Lindsey, as lost and searching as I am.

Lindsey. Angel killed him, took him away from me.

I haven�t seen him for a few weeks; the last time we were together, I fell asleep. When I woke, he was gone.

It hurt. I hadn�t expected it to hurt.

I found a mark on my neck. Lindsey bit me. Hard, obviously. It bruised slightly, and the marks were slow to fade. I kept them hidden from Angel; I didn�t want to face the possibility of questions.

As if he cared enough to ask.

The marks confused me. Why did Lindsey do it? Was it simply he had gotten that much into the role? Or... was he trying to mark me in someway?

I doubt he cares that much about me. Who would want me to belong to them? Obviously not Angel; probably not Lindsey.

Lindsey, who is dead. My mind still has trouble grasping that.

I find myself at the apartment. I don�t remember coming here. For Gods sake, it�s still dark out. I could have been attacked, killed.

And yet, somehow, I can�t bring myself to really care.

There are boxes inside. They are full of Lindsey�s belongings. Music, clothing, books. Pictures.

There is one of me, framed.

I put on one of the CDS. He has - had - excellent taste in music. Good taste in literature as well.

My mind refuses to focus. I am distracted by everything.

I take out one of his shirts and hold it to my face. It smells like him.

I feel curiously empty. Not exactly bereft of emotions, just numb from the overload of them.

When Angel told me Darla was dying, I was worried. Not just for the girl who had been taking up his time, but for Angel. He had spent so much time and energy looking for her, desperate to save her, what if he failed. What would he do?

Now I know. And, although I don�t agree with what Angel did, in a strange way, I can understand. The Powers pushed him too far. If they wanted him to fight for them they should have given him fairer odds. Redemption is a blessing bought at a hard price, but still... they should have known what he would do.

I think I always did.

I could see it in his eyes as he threw the crossbow to me. He was making his last stand; search the city for his girls to kill them... release them. He was near the edge then; I should have said something, distracted him. I should have-

I can�t. I can�t do this. It is not my fault.

Unless... What if Angel knew about Lindsey and me and did this to punish me? Or him. Or both of us. What if...

No, that is too far fetched. It was all about Darla. Darla, his fucking sire.

Damn her. This is all her fault. Lindsey is dead, I�m alone, and my Angel is gone and it is all her fucking fault.

Choking back tears of rage and hurt, I fall into the bed. Exhaustion overcomes me and I fall, blissfully, into the darkness.

-----------------------------------------------

A sound wakes me up. Bleary eyed, I sit up. �Hello?�

�I thought you might be here. I checked you place first. I don�t know why. I mean it�s not like you are *ever* there. At first I was afraid you�d go do something stupid, then I realized you probably were here.�

�Angel?� It sounds like him, but different. Harder, stronger. Much like he does when the demon is in control.

He steps into the light. �Hello, Wesley.�

Fear grips my heart. �What are you doing here? How did you� You knew?�

�Of course I knew.� His voice sounds mocking.

�How long?�

He shrugs. �The beginning, pretty much. I was worried. You were sleeping with my enemy, letting him touch you. I wanted to make sure you were safe.�

�So it... so you... Did you kill him because of me?� I have to ask.

�I didn�t kill him.� Angel sits on the bed, gazing at me.

�He�s as good as dead. Even if they turn him, Lindsey will be gone.� I fight to keep the tears from my voice.

�I didn�t kill him. They won�t touch him.�

�But...�

Angel leans over and covers my mouth with his hand. �Trust me,� he whispers. Then he moves his hand and replaces it with his mouth.

In alarm, I ask, �What are you? Oh! Ahhh...� Oh yes, I think I get it. Oh my, that does feel good. As good as I imagined.

I hope he doesn�t stop. I hope he never stops.

It doesn�t even hurt much when his fangs slice into my skin; in fact, it makes me come, hard. Something about biting, I guess.

Darkness crowds around me as I become drowsy from the loss of blood.

Not a bad way to go; killed by my love: my love who sentenced my lover to die.

Not a bad way at all.

*****
Part 2: Limbo - Angel's POV

I need to move. My mind is all over the place. What time is it?

Fuck. I think I messed up. I think I really messed up. Past the point of no return this time. No redemption.

An hour ago, I was three people away from darkness. And now, they�re gone. I guess I�ve done it, given in. The rules don�t apply any more.

Good. I�m glad. I�m tired to being the puppet. I�m tired of being the saviour; the one who fades back into the shadows after the rescue is over. I�m tired of being fucking Soul boy, being remorseful for a bunch of things that I did long ago.

Who cares anyway? Why should I fucking care anymore? I�ve been working hard, busting my ass to make the world a safer place, but the minute I have a chance to save someone I care about, I can�t. It�s like the Powers that Be made it impossible on purpose. All I wanted was to save Darla. My sire. And they wouldn�t let me.

Apparently they didn�t find her important enough to save. Why the hell is it their decision? They�re up there. I�ve never even seen them. They�ve never done anything good for me unless it served their purpose. So fuck them.

I gave Darla over 150 years of my life. Then I killed her because of the fucking Slayer. So much for second chances. If she doesn�t get one, then I don�t want mine anymore.

And Lindsey. He... He brought her back. And Drusilla too. He did it so she would turn Darla. And he did it after I made him mine. He had them stun me so I couldn�t do anything to stop them. He had to be careful.

After they escorted Drusilla out of the room and carried away Darla�s body, Lindsey came back. He knelt before me, not looking in my eyes.

I managed to muster enough strength to growl at him. �Boy...�

�I know. I had no choice. Holland...� �Lin...�

�Wait. Please. I�ve got a plan. I think. I mean, I think I can pull it off. You won�t have to do much, just trust me. Do you think you can trust me?� He did look at me then, his eyes bright and hopeful.

He looks younger with shorter hair. His eyes are brighter. Or maybe it�s the film of tears.

�Tell me where you are taking her.�

He shook his head. �I can�t. Trust me, please. It�s going to work out.�

�I don�t have much of a choice, now, do I?�

Lindsey sat higher, bringing his neck to my lips. �You can kill me, punish me.�

He was ever so slightly afraid, but incredibly determined. I didn�t trust him, but lacked the strength to punish him as he should be punished. I lacked the will to kill him. Instead, I kissed my mark on his neck and pulled away. �Later,� I told him.

Lindsey moved and pressed his lips to mine. �I will fix this, I swear.� Then he left.

He has a plan, he says.

Maybe I�m being punished for giving in, for taking him. I denied myself Wesley for so long. Well, now I�m through with denying. No more being good. I will do as I please and finally claim Wesley.

Fuck! I fired him. God damn it!

And, he�s not at his apartment. Why the hell does he have the place if he�s never there?

I didn�t even notice Holland when I first burst through the window at the office. Why should I have? I needed to know where my girls were.

Lindsey had been hurt by my lack of trust, I could read it in his eyes. Hurt, but not surprised.

I guess that�s when he slipped me the invitation. That, or on the way down to the cop car.

Yea, that must have been it. I wondered why his hand was in my pocket.

An invitation to Holland�s wine tasting. Complete with directions. And no barrier when I got to the house.

Gee, I wonder how that happened?

Driving to the apartment, I check the time. How long, girls? How long �till they�re all dead? Will you do it quickly, or bathe in their blood? Drusilla�s fond of torture, but lacks focus when dealing with groups. Darla? Well, it depends on her mood.

She seemed to be in a slow killing mood. A thank you present to Wolfram and Hart.

How long? How long do I fucking have to wait?

(Hold on boy...)

A plan. And he wasn�t afraid. As if he knew�

I never explained it to him. How could he know? But, maybe he does. I hope so. Just in case one of the girls forgets.

Wesley is at the apartment, asleep. Lindsey�s belongings fill the place. Well, now I know he planned to stay here. A sign that part of his plan included his survival.

And now, just one thing left to do before... before I know for sure.

I close the door behind me, making noise to wake Wesley.

�Hello?� he calls through the darkness.

�I thought you might be here. I checked your place first. I don�t know why. I meant, it�s not like you�re *ever* there. At first, I was afraid you�d do something stupid. Then I realized you were probably here.� My voice is a bit hard. I�m excited and anxious, not the calmest or most controlled I�ve ever been.

I can tell he�s worried. Worried about me, about Lindsey. He�s talking, wanting to know how I know, what I�ve done.

Kill Lindsey?

�I didn�t kill him. They won�t touch him.� I sit on the bed, gazing at my Wesley.

He�s still talking, close to tears, upset and a bit frightened. I didn�t come here to talk about Lindsey, I came to distract myself from him. And to claim.

�Trust me,� I whisper. Then I kiss him, my hands roaming his body.

�What are you... Oh! Ahhh...� he hisses in pleasure, falling back as I make my intent clear.

I take him slowly, revelling in the sensations. I have all the time in theworld. I finally get to take him, take my boy and make him mine. I control his body, his moans, his sighs. Me.

Just before he climaxes, my fangs slice into his jugular. He screams, in pain or pleasure, I can�t tell, then comes.

I take a bit more than I meant to, but he is so good. I drink until he passes out.

Licking the wound clean, I draw his body to mine. Wesley slips from unconsciousness into sleep. Lulled by his steady breathing, I drift off as well.

Hours later, the door opens then closes. A voice speaks. �You�re here.�

Wesley stirs in my arms and opens his eyes. Already pale from the loss of blood, he turns completely white. �Lindsey?�

*****
Part 3: Sire's Right

�Why aren�t you afraid?� she asked me.

I don�t remember what I said. It was bullshit, whatever it was. The real reason I wasn�t afraid was because I knew she couldn�t touch me.

And that was the foundation of my whole plan. Oh, it was a risk, I know. A very badly laid out plan, based on �what ifs� and �maybes.� But it worked. It worked better than I thought it would.

Ok, this I don�t like. They�re playing with everyone, revelling in my colleagues� deaths. Some die slow, some fast. The only one I cared about was Holland, and he�s been dead for over an hour. It only took them three to finally finish him off.

Drusilla keeps painting me with blood. I�m naked except for my boxers, covered in designs, my body acting as her canvas. This is nuts.

Darla is still thrilled with the fact that I�m not afraid.

They both think it was my idea to find Drusilla. It wasn�t; it was Hollands. I just happened to be the one to find her. And I was the only one who was comfortable enough to deal with her.

Everyone thought it was because of Darla. It had nothing to do with her.

Right before she died, Lilah asked me if it was worth it. I told her it was and showed her the mark on my neck. She died cursing my name.

Somehow, I don�t think the damned have much effect with that.

This is getting ridiculous. Why don�t they finish already? I want to go.

He didn�t trust me, not until he locked us in. Then he looked at me and I knew he knew. I knew he understood. It had to be this way. For some reason, I didn�t want him to kill Holland himself, and Drusilla wasn�t going to do it; it had to be Darla. This was the only way.

I�m the one who suggested the massacre to Holland. I�m lucky he can�t smell pheromones; he would have smelt pure, unadulterated glee as I played him.

What the fuck do you know about �healthy attachments�, you fucking prick? You�ve been lusting after me for three years. Bet your wife, whom you haven�t fucked in six years, by the way, would be interested to know about your �attachments�.

Angel wanted to kill you, but I wouldn�t let him. *I* wanted to do it. And I did it.

Well, I manipulated the event. I did it like a lawyer.

Like Holland taught me to.

I put the invitation in Drusilla�s pocket before Darla rose. On the invitation were detailed instructions to Holland�s house. And I invited the girls and Angel in when I got in the house just in case Holland�s wife refused.

It almost didn�t have to happen like this. Darla came to the office. I hope so much that she would kill Holland there. There he was, lording over me, big, threatening. Powerful. Pissing me off. Then she bursts in. As she held me, I was screaming it inside: kill him, kill him, kill him. But she just tossed me aside and took Drusilla.

Her sire.

The only time I was scared the entire time was when Angel broke into the office. He was going to punish me, I knew it. I know that now I�ve been claimed, I have to obey him and if I don�t he could punish me. I�m afraid to find out what that entails, but I think the risk is worth it.

I had to remind him not to touch Holland, not there. I begged him with my eyes, with my touch.

He relented.

That�s when I slipped him his invitation. I wanted to do more, to say something, but I couldn�t without giving myself away.

And then the girls came to the party, and all was right with the world. I had done it.

No fear.

And Angel finally understood. He closed the door, leaving me behind with them. He trusted me, finally, and he trusted the girls to follow the rules.

�Look at you, Lindsey. Aren�t you a pretty boy?� Drusilla draws another mark on me, licks part of it off, then pulls away to admire her work. �Lovely.�

�And, most important, you�re the only one left. Yet, you�re still not scared.� Darla walks slowly over to me, her eyes piercing. �What are you thinking? Do you think we�ll keep you alive? That we�ll turn you, maybe? Is that what you think?�

I shrug, my face neutral. �Maybe.�

�What makes you think you deserve it? After all, you are the one who raised me. You are the one who actually brought me back. Just because you were the only one who really cared about *me*, the woman, doesn�t mean much to *me*, the demon.�

�Oh.�

She walks over and runs her hand through my hair, down my neck. �You are beautiful, though. But I don�t know if I actually need you. I have Dru; I may have Angel, what do I need you for? Besides a snack, I mean?�

�Honestly, I don�t know.� I look into her eyes.

�And still unafraid.� She smiles, leans forward, and whispers seductively in my ear, �I�m sure your blood is still just as sweet.�

Darla is just about to bite me when Drusilla pulls her away. �No.�

�What?� Darla turns on Drusilla, surprised. �No what?�

�You can�t touch him.� She states it as the obvious.

�And why the hell not?�

Drusilla looks hurt by Darla�s vehemence. With a shaky finger, points to my scar. �He�s Daddy�s. Daddy doesn�t like us to play with his toys without permission.�

I smile Darla stares at the mark in shock.

�What?� Her voice is incredulous. She wasn�t expecting this.

I shift my shoulders. �What can I say? Angel claimed me.�

She growls then shakes her head. �I don't care. He�s my childe, after all; what�s his is mine.� Darla goes to bite me again.

I�m just about to get a little worried when Drusilla pulls Darla away.

�No. You are my childe, remember? You can�t.� Her voice is insistent, but a little afraid. �Drusilla,� Darla warns.

But the crazy vampire is firm. �No, childe. Grandmum. No.�

After a long moment, Darla sighs in defeat. �Fine. But we�ll take him with us and sort this out later. You're in luck, Lindsey. Who knows? I may grow to like you.�

Darla breaks open the door just as I pull my stake out from its hiding place. Lucky for me, Drusilla never stripped me of my boxers. Dru goes down before she realizes what is happening.

Darla spins.

�Good-bye,� I say, and throw the stake.

She is too shocked to try and stop it.

It worked. If I were a religious man, I�d thank God. But since I�m not, I�ll just thank Angel.

I go to the apartment. All my stuff had been moved there. The one place I�ve ever felt safe; the one place I�ve ever felt loved.

Wesley and Angel are asleep in bed.

�Good, you�re here.�

Wesley sits up, going white. �Lindsey?�

We look at each other a long moment. Then, he is in my arms, kissing me, whispering words... words too fast for me to catch. But it�s ok; I know what he means. I feel the same way; I hope he knows.

Then Angel is next to us. �It worked?�

I pull away from Wesley keeping my eyes locked on his, my hand caressing the back of his neck. �Yes; they�re both dead.�

The vampire growls softly, but nods. �Good.� His voice is resigned.

Wesley looks at the two of us. �What? I don�t understand. Angel, what happened?�

I kiss Wesley gently and show him my scar. Wonderingly, Wesley touches it, then his own neck. He looks at the vampire. �Angel?�

Angel grins and takes us in his arms. Pulling us back towards the bed, he says, �What can I say? I couldn�t give you to just anyone, so I�ve made you both mine. My boys.�

end