Spike's POV:

What the hell is he doing?! Okay, cuddling earlier was fine. I'll accept that, but this? I think Angel's making advances towards me. No, I think he's skipped that stage and moving into the intimate part. I don't know this Angel. I never thought he would do this. I never dreamed Angel would be the one making all the propositions. He's telling me that he wants to see me? Not sure what he means by that, but he's very determined and I feel kinda flustered. Which is *so* not me! I'm usually the one who does all the seducing. The Big Bad doesn't get ruffled - well, I guess he does... when Angel, his beautiful sire, moves over his body and seats himself into his lap. The Big Bad is feeling like jelly at this moment.

"Hello, stranger."

Oh, god. He is seducing me! Starting off pretty good too. I wonder if I should let him on about the fact that I can smell him in the air. Angel's arousal is certainly one of the sweetest of smells. One I'll never forget. I'm smelling it right now, pretty strongly. I've even got him to sit on my own erection; I pretended it was accidental. I know how to play games too, Angel. If he doesn't want me in on the plan, I can play hard to get. The truth is I want him to touch me. All night I've laid awake thinking about me and him. Thinking how Angel is changing into the person I want. Strange that he had to be blind to do it.

Suddenly, Angel decides it's time to commence. He takes a deep, relaxing breath and gently brings his hands over to my head. He's being extra careful not to poke me up the nose or something. I feel his sensual hands touching my hair, feeling the strands between his fingers. He tugs lightly and then smoothes it down. Angel's body leans over me and he sniffs gently. His face and chest are so near to my own, but I don't move. This feels kinda strange. It's like he's discovering me. His hands move down to my ears, his fingers following around the soft curve, then pulling gently on the lobe. I laugh softly and Angel grins. I didn't think I was ticklish there. I guess no one's ever explored my body before - not even me.

Angel moves down to the rest of my face, running over cool flesh with gentle fingertips. He explores over my soft eyelids, strokes the length of my nose, tests the sensitive flesh of my lips. It's like he's feeling the texture, the shape of them. In one swift movement, he's leaning over me and his tongue flicks out. He laps over my eyelids, nose and mouth, but before I can respond, he's moved away again.

"I can see you," he moans softly. His hands return to my body and caress the length of my throat. He follows bones, and muscles, rubbing his fingers into the hollow and then experiencing the lump of my Adam's apple. I wonder if... yes, he does. When his fingers leave, his tongue follows. This is fucking amazing! Mind-blowing! And he's only reached my head and neck. I don't know if I can stand the rest of my body going through this.

"Angel..." I groan. Do I want him to stop? Did I want to say something? I can't remember. Words vanish as his mouth finds a round pink nipple. Yes! He laps at it gently, then flicks it with his tongue, next he tugs on it with teeth, and lastly he sucks me. Oh, wow! I know that Angel must be feeling my erect length pressing against... hey, Angel's has a hard-on too. I think we are both enjoying this game. Oh sorry, I shouldn't know that - Angel is just trying to *see* me.

When he's played with both nipples, making them hard and aching, his tongue leaves my skin. I can't hold back the whine of disappointment. Angel continues as if he hasn't heard and press his palms over my stomach. He strokes them up and down, fondling the muscles of my chest, down to the bottom of my rib cage, and then to my soft middle. When he reaches my navel, his thumbs messages around it.

Angel leans down and whispers into my ear: "Can I see all of you, Spike?"

"Uh... Huh... Yes", I say.

He unzips my jeans but doesn't remove them. His tongue returns to my navel, and he starts to lick and suck. Oh yeah, I like his kind of seeing. His hands gently stroke lower and he pushes down the fabric of my jeans. He manipulates my skin and tugs gently on the beginnings of my pubic hair. His tongue and hands vanish from my skin, and he's pulling off my jeans. He lifts himself just enough to get them off and throws them aside. I think Angel's getting his confidence back.

Angel moves his weight further down my body as his hands return to my navel. He traces patterns with tongue and fingers, making me shiver and moan. Okay, now I'm totally shocked. I never knew Angel had such sensitive fingers. It's like he's mapping out every inch of my body, following every nook and cranny. Maybe his fingers have become his eyes, so that he's seeing every part of me with touch.

"Ooo... Ah... Fuck... Angel..." I moan. You would love to have a wider vocabulary, being the Big Bad and all. Where as now, I have been reduced to Spike jelly; unable to offer more than a few meaningless words. I'm putty in my sire's hands. I am so glad he can't see me because I think my face would betray all I am feeling. That is bloody amazing... and well... amazing and err... amazing. You really expect me to think of words at a time like this! "Ohhhhh... Angel..."

I really want him to work down to my cock, because it feels as though it shall explode at any moment. I desperately want him to move, but I don't have the words. Suddenly, his hands leave my navel, and stroke down my thighs. He follows the shape and tests the texture of my muscles. Then he moves further to my knees. What is he bloody doing? I don't want him to *see* my knees! Still down he goes, till he's reached my feet. Now his mouth comes into play, and he sucks my big toe.

"Angel!" I plead. His fingers glide around my feet, until the pads of his thumbs rubs my instep. I laugh. It looks like Angel's found another ticklish place. It's a new one for me. Or it could be Angel's hands that are doing it? Maybe the wonderful feel, the soft touches he's given me are sending my body haywire. He doesn't tickle for long, thank goodness. Then he's moving back up my body. Yes!

Angel's hands are like nothing I've ever experienced before. Soft and smooth. Tender and hard. They are nothing like Angelus's hands, those were made for pain. Angel's were made to love - made to love me. When Angel reaches my groin he misses my cock again, but moves between my thighs. I automatically spread my legs a little, and he moves to kneel between them. I feel his fingers touch my ass, but he doesn't enter. Instead, he moves up and rubs his thumb up my perineum to my testicles.

"Ohhh...Angel," I moan again. I really have to think up some other words. Angel' fingers trace a ring around each testis, with light feathery caresses. I don't know if to moan or chuckle, in the end it comes out half and half. After a moment, he lifts them gently into his hands and presses them to my body. I groan again. Where did he learn this? He'd better not have been with any other man!

"Angel?"

"Mmmm..." he answers. His hands return to rubbing between my thighs, which is good because it allows me to think a little better.

"Have you? Well, have you ever... You know with other..."

"No, Spike. Only you, ever."

"Not in one hundred years?"

"There was only Buffy, Darla and now you." He actually looks chastened.

Huh? Angelus never, not once, denied his own pleasure. I can't understand why this soul-ed being would do that either. "Why?" I choke out, I'm just a little shocked here.

"I thought that they could see my sins," he admits softly.

"Angel..." I stop. What do I tell him? The truth? The way I see him? The way I've always seen him - no matter if he was Angelus or Angel? "Angel, you are so beautiful." Angel sits back and his hands withdraw from my body. I miss their touch with an intensity that surprises me.

"My eyes..." he murmurs.

I know what he means. He knows they are just pure white, devoid of all colour. I will always miss the deep brown, chocolate colour they were, but they don't detract from his beauty. Instead of saying anything, because in my long lifetime I have learned words are cheap, I lean forward and kiss him.

This is the first time I've *really* kissed Angel. Oh, I know we shared one in the courtyard, but it wasn't a *real* kiss. This time he parts his lips, and I slip my tongue inside. He tastes of sadness, lost visions and peaches. I knew there was a reason why I call him that, it has been so long since I've kissed him properly, I had forgotten. My hands brush against his chest, then move lower. I'm all naked here and he is still partly dressed. My hands grab hold of his sweatpants and push them down his hips. Angel gasps against my mouth and pulls away.

"I thought I was the one *seeing* here."

"Oh, you are, pet." I lean forward, and capture his mouth in another kiss. "But I think you'd do a lot better without these." Angel pushes the pants the rest of the way down his legs, and throws them to the floor. He returns to kneeling between my thighs, and I slide my hands between his. I kiss him again, while my hand gently rolls his balls. Angel groans deep and loud into my mouth. Moments later, he pushes me back down onto the bed, and grins down at me.

"I haven't finished with you yet, Spike."

Angel's POV:

I can't believe Spike's words. I never thought he could see me as beautiful. It's a strange word to say to a man. Usually you say handsome or strong, something like that. As soon as he said it, I felt that burning deep down inside. That raging fire, that I had felt so long ago as Angelus. It meant desire and need to Angelus, to me it's something more. I think I love Spike. The only other person I've ever loved was Buffy. Yet, Spike makes me feel so much more that she did. It's so strange. This once enemy, once Childe, once lover, has found his way back into my heart, so deeply that I can't imagine life without him. This is not out of gratitude or thanks for helping me. No, that just opened the door and it allowed me to really *see* Spike for the first time - ever!

What I see is an enigma - a real puzzle. It took me a while to work it out. There is an inside Spike, and an outer one. The inside one feels love, hurt, pain, betrayal, loneliness and need. The outer one is the protector Spike. It protects him from the world in general, from those who would hurt him, from those who have hurt him. Like me. I think Angelus has a lot to answer for how Spike turned out. William created this Big Bad persona to protect himself from Angelus' betrayal, and the denial of love. Now I want him to see that I - Angel - do love him. I won't betray him again. If he wants, I can be his.

I turn my mind away from inner thoughts and back to my journey of discovery. It sounds like a TV documentary: The discovery of Spike. Just see how perfect a body he really has. I never saw that until now either. How exquisite he is. Still, I have missed that last part of his anatomy - his cock. I'm going to discover that right now.

My hands find his legs and follows them upward. I brush against soft curly hair and my fingers touch the base of his manhood. It's hard and erect. Good, I was getting worried that he wouldn't be turned on by this. I know that he should be able to see how much I am. I trace around the base with one finger, and Spike groans deeply. Still using the one finger, I move up the length of his cock. My finger brushing over the side, the fraenum, the glands until I come to the tip. It's wet under my touch and his foreskin is pulled back. I wrap my hand as much as I can around his width, and lower my mouth to encase his head. My tongue tastes his pre-cum. He's slightly bitter and tastes like... well, he tastes like Spike.

I move my hand up and down gently. Spike pushes up in my grip, but then tries to relax again. I squeeze him gently then let go. Spike gives a loud groan that could be my name? My fingers once again return to his foreskin and press it back. Spike makes a loud gasp with this, and shifts impatiently beneath me. It's strange, but in my mind's eye I can almost see him. Lying on the bed, legs apart, his face might be turned to the side as he tries to bury his groans into the pillow. His hands will be clutching the sheets, and his body rises and falls in unnecessary gasps of breath.

"Spike, I can see you!" I almost feel like weeping. For so long, I believed I would never see again. Spike just groans again, louder this time, and I realise my hand is gripping his cock. It was not a groan of pain, but pleasure. Interesting to remember. I squeeze again, and rub my thumb over the tip of his penis. An even louder groan issues from his lips, and I can feel the head of his cock start to swell and throb.

"Please, Angel!" Spike cries.

"You want to come?" I ask casually, still stroking and caressing his length.

"Fuck, yes!" he yells. Spike has never been known for his patience. Not in plans and certainly not during sex.

"I want to see you come." I relate to him. I return my hand to caressing him, while the other cups then slides up and down over his balls and perineum. My mouth closes around the acorn shaped head of his cock, and I push at the foreskin with my tongue. Spike doesn't last long.

"Angel!" he screams as he comes filling my mouth. I can hear Spike, gasp and pant. It's strange, but I'm hearing the slightest movements his body makes, and it has increased with our intimacy. I can hear his nails scraping and tearing the fabric of the sheets. I can hear his hair rubbing against the pillow as his body trembles in orgasm. I can hear his blood, in sex, begin circulated around his body. I can smell the sweat and hormones produced by that very orgasm I just brought him into. I can feel his body pulsating and trembling under mine. Suddenly, I think of something more I want. I want to feel him, deeper... deeper than this. My hands return to his cock and start a quick rhythm.

"Bloody hell, peaches! What are you doing? Killing me again?" Spike starts to pant under me, and I thank god for vampire recovery speed. In minutes, Spike is fully erect again. I lean down and lick at his cock, leaving my saliva as lubricant. "Angel?" I give no answer, just smile. "What are you DOING?! Arrrgh!"

I lift my body up, and slide myself down onto his erect shaft. I feel him stretching me deep inside. There is a sharp uncomfortable burn as he pushes past the outer ring of muscle of my anus. Then when he slides fully inside I want to scream. In fact, I think I do. The sensation is incredible. It increases as I shift my position, and he rubs against my prostrate.

"Oh... Spike," I moan. I think I've caught his `lost for words' disease.

"Fuck! Angel, you're so tight," he gasps.

I can't answer him; I just start to rock gently. His cock caresses my insides and I increase the sensation by grinding my hips in a circular motion. Why the hell did I ever leave him?

Spike's POV:

Wow! Ah! Wooo... This is fucking spectacular! Where on earth did he learn this? He has got to be lying about not having any sex in a hundred years. Also those others were women... err... amend that, Buffy was -I don't know what kind of bitch Darla is. Suddenly, Angel starts to rotate his hips in a circular motion. It's damn good, it feels like his ass is massaging my whole cock. I can't hold back anymore and I start to thrust up into his tight passage.

"Spike... uh..."

I guess he can't find the words either. I think I'll be having that problem too soon... in fact, right now. Angel's inner muscles have started to contract, and he squeezes me hard. He is so bloody gorgeous as his head falls back, and his body arches. I think he's having some kind of mini-orgasm, and I tell you it feels bloody great on this end too. I grab his hips and desperately thrust up into his tight channel. He continues to encircles his hips, getting the full sensation of my internal massage. My cock throbs as his muscles clench me harder.

"Spike!" he screams as his orgasm floods my chest.

"Angel!" I answer, as my own climax fills his throbbing passage.

I knew this was too good to last long. We both come almost instantaneously. Angel' body goes limp, and I pull him closer to me. I roll us over, and reluctantly slip out of his used anus, my seed glistening on his inner thighs. I miss his intimate, tight embrace. Angel cuddles into me and I hold his sex-warmed body.

He feels so good. He feels like what I imagined Buffy would be like. Oh, I know one is female and the other male, but it has nothing to do with gender. It's about feeling. An emotion I tried to deny. I tried not to love Buffy, but I just couldn't help it. Just as I'm trying not to love Angel. Love hurts, it hurts so damn much you want to cut out your dead heart from your body. It's like a part of me is human, it exists deep inside and beyond the demon's control, and it refuses to let go of love. Everything else about me is pure demon. This emotion is something I cannot exorcise, no matter how much I want to. No matter how desperately I try, and who I kill it doesn't change it. I still feel that emotion as strong as I ever did.

Okay, so I've recognised I might love Angel. I don't like it and I will not surrender to it... no, wait I just did. I just made love to Angel. Great! I should move - leave him. I can't though, he feels so good and warm in my arms. Shit. Right, now what? Well, let's look at the past. Cecily denied me, Angelus abandoned me, Dru left me for a chaos demon, Buffy died... Oh great, wonderful track record, Spike! I wonder if Angel will leave me too? Or maybe, he only loves me because he needs me?

Great, just bloody great! Now I won't sleep at all tonight. Still, Angel is nice and soft; like a vampire teddy bear. I chuckle softly, and Angel turns in my arms. His mouth finds mine with amazing accuracy considering he's blind. I kiss him back, full and deep.

"Mmm... love you, Spike. Stop thinking and go to sleep?" Angel curls up, his head on my chest, ready to sleep in my embrace.

I wonder if he can hear my thoughts?

"Sleep!" he commands again. Okay!

*****
Part 5:

Angel's POV:

It's been over two weeks since Spike and I first made love. We touch each night, but we haven't really talked about it. There is so much left unsaid between us. I know Spike thinks I might be doing this from gratitude. I do owe him for helping me, especially because I never thought he would. But this isn't about that though. I wouldn't feel what I'm feeling from gratitude. Out of all the people I know, all of my friends, Spike is the only person I can see. I know where he is all the time. I think I can actually feel what he's thinking. I know when he's happy or sad, I know that he's afraid of losing again. He fears giving his love, like he did with Drusilla and Buffy, and then having lost them. I can sympathise with that. I had to leave Buffy over two years ago, and I thought I might die from it.

I've decided to try not to depend on Spike for everything. I don't want him to think he's only here because I need him to help me. That I rely on his support all the time. I do need him, but in different ways. I need his humour, his bad temper, his abuse, his love, his body, and his kissing.

Tonight I leave our warm bed early and get dressed. It doesn't take me long, since I've learned where everything is. Luckily, with my clothing I never have to bother about colour' matching; they are all dark. I silently go down stairs, using my white cane as guidance. I can hear Cordelia and Wesley moving about, and I know when they have seen me. (I think Fred's gone out with Gunn - I wonder if everyone realises there is attraction there. I smell it.) There is a change in their attitude, their smell and I can hear them come towards me. I know that they care. Their worry and concern used to have me running scared. Now, I think I kind of like it. I have what they call friendship with them now. They are helpful but trying not to be overly smothering.

I ask Wesley if he has everything ready. He confirms that it's all been arranged and he guides me into the office. I don't really need their help to find my way, but I don't stop them anymore. It makes them feel useful. I know it's been a hard couple of months on everyone. Even though I am blind, Cordelia still gets the visions. Now, however, it isn't me that does the fighting, it's Wesley and Gunn. Occasionally Spike will lend a hand, but acts as if it's not out of choice.

I am a little nervous about doing this. Wesley settles me in his office chair and says that my teacher should be arriving soon. I hope I can do this. Around 15 minutes later, I hear a new heartbeat entering the building. It's not anyone I know because I've memorised them all. Wesley brings a sweet smelling lady inside and I stand.

"Miss Tuper, this is Angel." I hold out an hand, in what I think is the right direction. Seconds later, a warm, small hand shakes mine.

"Hi, Angel. It looks like you're getting your co-ordination down well." Her hand is small and her voice comes from way below my head. Which means she's very short, around 4'8", petite, with long hair. I know that because I can hear her flick it from her face.

"I've learned from Wesley, you have been blind for two months," she continues as she sits down next to me. She puts down a bundle of papers and a large box. "I can understand how you wouldn't feel comfortable about attending a blind school yet. That's what I'm here for, I must say that it's really great how you are coping with this. Most people don't want to learn Braille until they fully accept they are blind."

I think I like her. She's bright and bubbly, and she doesn't treat me as disabled. Wesley and Cordelia could learn from her.

Braille isn't that hard to learn. I know I've got to get my fingers more sensitive to read the raised bumps, but I think that being a vampire is an advantage. Already, my sense of touch is more sensitive than human. It feels a little strange, however, it's like learning to read all over again.

"Angel!" Spike's voice echoes around the lobby, and I can hear him running down the steps. "Angel!"

"Spike, Angel's busy right now..." Spike doesn't stop to listen to Cordelia, and storms into the office. I can smell his concern and panic.

"Angel, are you okay? I woke up and you were... Oh," finally he falls silent, as he spots the petite girl beside me.

"Spike, this is Miss Tuper, she's teaching me Braille."

"Oh right, then. I'll be getting a fag," he quickly vanishes and I smile at Miss Tuper.

"You're very lucky," she laughs, "He's quite a looker."

"Yes, he is. He is the only person I can see."

Cordelia's POV:

I watch as Spike runs from Wesley's office, and out in the courtyard. Just what is his deal? For the last couple days he's been acting really strange. Angel's getting on much better than ever before, and then Spike has to get all broody. I follow Spike into the courtyard to find him sitting on the bench, smoking.

"What is your damage?" I ask straight out. I know I'm blunt, but I can't be bothered with going around the houses just to make a point. "Angel is getting better, he's learning to cope, and now you are the one acting wigged."

"Shut up, ya stupid bint," he sneers back.

During his time here, I have learned how to read Spike. He is really quite predicable. When he abuses, shouts or curses - it's all because he's hiding something.

"Oh, I get it." I've just had a brain wave. I am pretty astounded at my perception. "You think Angel doesn't need you anymore."

"No I don't. You have no idea what you're talking about. Now, go back to painting your nails or something, and leave me the fuck alone." Spike stands and begins to pace.

Oh, yeah! I've hit the nail on the head. "Come on, Angel's going to be in lessons for a couple of hours, and we are going out." I grab his arm and start dragging him towards the door.

"I am not going anywhere with you!" He pulls his arm away and stares at me, with full game face. I'm not impressed. It's cute, really.

"You love Angel, don't you?"

"No! I don't! I don't love Angel at all."

"You're sleeping with him."

"Just because you shag someone doesn't mean you love them."

"Yes, it does."

"You really are naive, aren't you? People shag all the time, and sometimes they don't even like their partner."

"I know Angel, he doesn't do that. I'm betting that the only people he's slept with are Buffy and you."

Spike's POV:

Perceptive little bitch, isn't she? She has forgotten to count Darla, but I'm not admitting she's right.

"I don't love him."

Cordelia rolls her eyes at me and then drags me towards the door.

"If you don't love him, then you will come with me to Caritas."

Huh? "I don't love him and I won't go anywhere with you."

"So you do love him."

"No," I shout.

"You won't come with me - so you do."

"No..." Oh, why bother? I sigh and allow Cordelia as she leads me towards the front doors. I hate her.

~*~*~*~

Caritas bar:

"No, I'm not singing!" I sulk.

"Yes, you are. I've had to listen to Angel sing before, you can't be as bad as him."

I bet he almost died from embarrassment about that. Angel sounds like a dying cat when he sings. I remember him doing it when drunk. Someone laughed at him once, and he spent days torturing the poor chap.

"I'm not singing!" I cross my arms and refuse to move. Cordelia pulls and pushes me around, but I don't move a muscle. Eventually she stamps on my foot. "Hey!"

Okay, three hours later, I'm slightly inebriated and I'm standing on the stage holding a microphone. I spot Cordelia and the Host - Lorne - gossiping and pointing at me. I hate her. I hate Angel. I hate everyone. Why the hell am I doing this? Oh yeah, because deep down I need to know. I need to understand. I start to sing.

I sing 'How you remind me' by Nickelback. I like the words - 'How you remind me just who I really am.' I think it's appropriate - Angel does remind me who I was, who I am, and who I want to be inside. I finish the song and leave the stage to applause.

"Spike, that was amazing. I never knew you could sing!" Cordelia laughs. She stands up and gives me her chair, before leaving me alone with Lorne.

"Well sugar, that was really quite enlightening. I always guessed Angel was a real screamer in bed."

"Hey! You're supposed to read me not see how I have sex." I growl. I really detest him, or anyone, picturing Angel in any position - even standing. No, I'm not jealous. It's just that... well, I just don't like it.

"That's what this is all about though, isn't it?"

"You tell me, that's what I've bloody sung for," I snap back. I don't like him.

"You think that Angelcakes doesn't see you. That he's just using you for comfort, for need, that he's taken you into his bed because he's grateful. And you would be right - in some ways."

"Huh?" I knew it! I knew he didn't love me! I knew it was just because I was there, because I helped him. I go to stand but Lorne catches my arm.

"Sit down, I haven't finished." I sit but I'm not happy about it. "Angel does need you, just as you need him."

"I don't..."

"Shhh," he interrupts, "You never listen! No wonder Angel doesn't talk to you. Angel thinks that you believe that he only wants you out of gratitude. That's why he's trying to find his way through his dark world alone. He wants you because he loves you. He's so afraid that you'll up and leave him, because you think it's the right thing to do. You're doing just like he did for Buffy."

"Hey, I'm nothing like soul boy! I don't care..."

"That's what you tell yourself. Truth is you do care. People hurt you and you pretend not to feel it. You want the truth? Angel loves you, all he sees is you."

"He can't see."

"No, not the physical world, but he sees you." Lorne stands and smiles, but says nothing more.

I thought he was supposed to help people! All he's done for me is make me more confused. What does he mean 'Angel sees me'? I stand up and push the chair aside. It falls over but I don't pick it up.

~*~*~*~

Back at the Hyperion:

When I arrive back home - when did I start thinking of it as home? - I find Angel just finishing up with Miss Tuper. He smiles at her and I feel instantly jealousy.

"You are doing great, Angel. Now just remember to practise on the Braille typewriter, and we'll have you reading in no time." She gathers her stuff and grins at me as she leaves.

"How was Caritas?" asks Angel when we are alone. How did he... Oh, the smell probably.

"Fine."

"Spike, is there something wrong?" Angel carefully comes towards me and touches my face. His fingers feel so smooth and gentle. So unlike touches I used to receive from that body. I love his new touch.

"I sang," I admitted.

Angel looks instantly apprehensive and steps away. "Oh."

"Lorne said some things. He said that you need me to help you. That you're grateful." Are those tears in his eyes? "He said that you wanted me, needed me."

"I do, but it's not out of being grateful. You saved me, yes, but it's more..."

"Why Angel? Why don't you talk to me? You do things - like this Braille stuff and never mention it."

"I didn't want you to think I was using you," he whispers. Was Lorne right? I don't know. I don't know what I feel. Can I trust him, that it isn't out of gratitude? I can't fall in love again, give my everything and then lose him. What if Angel finds he can cope without me, he'll leave me just like the others did. No! I won't let that happen again.

"Spike, where are you going?" Angel reaches out for me, but I step away.

I can't do this. I can't face losing again. This time I'm doing the walking. "Goodbye, Angel."

Angel's POV:

He left me! Spike's left me! I couldn't stop him, I couldn't do anything. I just stood there hearing... smelling... feeling him leave me. He packed his stuff and left. Finished. Gone. No more.

Maybe it's for the best. Maybe he needs to leave for awhile. I don't know, but I feel so lost without him. The darkness has returned again and I see nothing. When Spike was here, I saw him. He's face was so clear to me. His body so perfect. Now I see no one - just black emptiness.

~*~*~*~

It's been 3 months since Spike returned to Sunnydale. I've been checking up on him through the vampire grapevine. I heard that Buffy was back; resurrected by her friends. Willow messed with really strong magic to do that. I just hope she doesn't have to pay a price. I was so glad to hear my first love lived. Still, I was jealous. Jealous that Spike might find love with her and not me.

I've worked so hard during these last few months. I've learned to read and write in Braille. Gunn's been teaching me to defend myself, and I've even been working on some cases. I have a talent for seeing what the others missed. Maybe it's because I don't relay on sight. I can smell, hear, taste so many different things at a crime scene; things no-one else can see. Cordelia is so happy to have me working again. She's been worrying about my brooding, but I haven't really had time.

When I am alone I think about Spike a lot. I don't really brood. I just think about him; his body, his mind, his mouth, and his abuse. I miss that. I miss him shouting at me. I miss him laughing at my mistakes like no one else would. I miss his reaction when I touch him. I miss seeing him.

Today, I've decided to make a plan. Yes, I know it's usually Spike who does the great plans but this is a cracker. I'm going to bring Spike home. I can do so much more than I could before. I've even worked out how to walk down a street without losing my way. The first part of my plan was easy. I got Cordelia to drive me to Sunnydale; it took a little persuasion, in fact, I promised she could drive my Plymouth when ever she wanted. When we arrived I left her at Buffy's house, and went to find Spike on my own.

I knew he's staying in some crypt. Cordelia rang Willow; who told her the exact location. It's a good job I know Sunnydale pretty well. The cemetery was easy to find. Vampires can smell death; and well -cemetery - the whole word is full of death. All I have to do next is find Spike's crypt which should be...

Hold on. I can hear talking. I smell trees nearby so I go over to one, and hopefully stand behind it. I think the talking is coming from in front of the tree. I listen hard but there are no heartbeats - vampires. No wait... I hear a faint beat. I think someone is dying. I can't let that continue, even if I am blind. I reach inside my jacket pocket and pull out the stakes I always carry with me. I load them into my wrist holders, where they are hidden from sight but quick to release. I hear two distinct voices and one heartbeat. Two vampires, one human. Okay, I can do this. I just have to remember Gunn's training.

I straighten my sunglasses, grab my white cane and walk out towards the voices. I know when they spot me because they fall silent.

"I'm lost," I admit in an faked embarrassed voice. I hear the vampires move and come towards me. One stands before me and the other is dragging the half drained body. "Can you direct me back to the road?" The vampire next to me laughs and makes a grab for my cane.

"I'll show you home," he laughs. He thinks I'm some easy meal. Stupid too, because he should know I'm not human. "Come here and take my hand." I hold out my free hand with a stake hidden in the sleeve.

The vampire takes my hand and... "Huh?" I think he's just worked out I'm a vampire too. With one quick movement I trigger the stake and it flies into the vampires heart. I hear a whoosh as he's turned to dust. It's taken a lot of training, using all my senses to work out where the heart is; I take into account movement, height etc. Sometimes it works and sometimes not - this time it has.

"How?" asks the other vampire. I hear him dropping the body and he flies towards me. He sets me off balance and I fall to the ground beneath him. I try to get to my other stake free, but he's too heavy and holding my arm down. He punches me hard in the gut, but I bring my knee up between his legs. "Ahh!" he screams. He falls back away from me and I free the stake.

"Angel!" Someone is calling me but I don't have time to listen. I pounce on the other vampire, feeling my hand connect with his left shoulder. Ah, good. I plunge in the stake just below it and pray I hit the heart. There is another whoosh and I fall to the ground.

"Peaches?"

A hand reaches down and touches mine. I know that touch. I know that voice, and that hateful word. Spike. I move my head up and I swear I can see him. I can see him leaning over me, offering his hand with a worried face.

"Spike," I reply, with a slight grin

"Angel?" Another voice originates from my right side and I turn. I know her.

"Buffy, I hope you are alright." I really have no idea what to say to her. We've been apart for so long; it's like I don't know her anymore. So much has changed for me, for her. I went blind, and she died and was brought to life again.

"It's true," she says sadly. I hear her move forward and she touches my face. Her touch is warm and friendly, but it's not from the person I want to touch me. "You are blind."

"Yes, Buffy, I am."

"Peaches, what the hell are you doing out here? Don't you know it's dangerous?" Spike has been trying to hold back his anger ever since he found me. It seems he finally broke. "They could have killed you!" His hands grabs my arms, and he shakes me hard. My glasses slip off and fall, smashing on the pavement. "You could be dead!" he yells again.

"Spike, let him go," Buffy grabs Spike' arm and pulls him back.

"What was I going to do if they'd killed you?!" Spike pushes me away and I fall against Buffy. Seconds later he's gone. I hear his footfalls running away from us.

"Angel..."

"Buffy..."

Oh, great!

*****
Part 6:

Spike's POV:

How could he do that?! How could he try to get himself killed? What was I going to do if I only found his ashes? Oh god, he could have died!

I run into my crypt and smash my fist into the TV. Shit, now I'll miss passions. I give it another good kick, but I'm still too angry. No, not angry, scared. I'm petrified. Angel could have died. I could have lost him forever. I never knew how much I thought about...need him, until I reached the stage where he could have left me permanently. I know I haven't seen him in three months, but I can't bare to think of him dying.

Three months ago I came back to Sunnydale to try to find myself again. To find out what I really felt. The problem is: I haven't had a moments peace since I came back. First Willow raises Buffy, who is in a right state from digging her way from her grave, and now I have all these mixed up feelings for her and Angel. I've watched the slayer every day since she came back. I observed her change and grow, I even felt her pain when she said she was in heaven and not hell. I guarded her, but I knew I didn't love her in the romantic sense. She was my friend and hunting partner. She was not my lover.

The one I thought about in the dark was Angel. He was my light. I lie in my bed and fantasy about his body above mine. Me, buried in his deep tight passage. My cock filling him, marking him as mine. I fantasise about him pressing inside me, touching me deeper than anyone ever has. I dreamed about talking to him, reading to him, watching - hearing - the TV with him. I knew I wanted to be with him, but did I trust him to love me? Just for me - Spike - and not for anything else. Not for gratitude or the past - just me. It doesn't mean a fuck that he's blind. He's still Angel, maybe even better than the old Angel, in ways I cannot really explain. He's just more... more seeing. I remember the Host's words, "he sees me." Maybe my problem is, I don't see him.

Still, I don't know what he was bloody playing at! Taking on two vampires, he can't even see them. However, he did kill both of them. Pretty amazing really when I think about it. He doesn't need me to help him, so why is he here?

Angel's POV:

Buffy invites me back to her home, after we had the vampires' victim taken into hospital. When we arrived back at Buffy's it's full of people. So many talking at once, it's hard to work it all out. Back home none of them talk this loud. Then again they all know I have more sensitive hearing. I feel fingers touch my face and I back away.

"Oh, Angel," Willow says softly. I reach out and touch her hand. She feels warm and smells worried. "Does it hurt? They are just so... white-white."

"No, they don't hurt. They did to start with, but it's gone now." I feel a wind before my face and a whooshing noise of fabric. I reach out, and in a flash grab the hand waving before me.

"Ah!" Xander yelps as I squeeze his hand.

"Xander!" yells Cordelia as she pushes him away. "Come on, Angel. It's safer in the kitchen." She guides me around everyone, and into the back of the house. It was a complete accident when my white cane hit Xander' leg hard. Honest!

Cordelia sits me down and pours me a glass of blood from the fridge. I guess Spike's been here a lot. I wonder if he and Buffy... no, I never smelt them on each other. I hear another heartbeat approach, much like Buffy's, but different.

"Hello, Dawn." Dawn approaches quietly and sits beside me.

"It's true. You are blind," she comments softly, her voice so young and yet old at the same time.

"Yes, I am."

"Spike told me. He talks a lot about you. It's always Angel this, Angel that, Angel read such a thing," she laughs lightly.

"He does?" I ask softly. Spike talks about me? Spike *wants* to talk about me?!

"Oh yeah, ever since he came back. Before Buffy returned, we talked about a lot of things. He told me about LA and spending time with you. Then when Buffy got back, he was really sad. Oh, he didn't say anything but I knew. It's funny, but every time he comes around, it's like he's trying to work something out."

"Oh," I whisper. I love Dawn, in many ways she is so direct and perceptive. So strange for a girl so young, not even Buffy had those talents. Dawn is empathic too, maybe too much. She frets and worries, and it looks like she's been watching Spike very closely since he came back. I wonder what it means. Does he miss me? Or has he chosen Buffy?

"Can we go home, yet?" whines Cordelia suddenly.

"Yeah," I sigh. Maybe I've rushed things. Maybe Spike hasn't decided yet.

"I'll take him home," says that voice I know so well.

"Spike?" I stand and turn to face him. I know where he is - I can see him.

"Cordelia, you can go back to Sunnydale, Angel will be back in a couple of days."

"Okay!" Cordelia agrees happily and I hear her rush towards the front door. She hates Sunnydale.

"Hey!" I shout. Shouldn't someone be asking me? Still, I think Cordelia's been trying to get me and Spike back together for ages. I really can't understand why she trusts him; he tried to kill her even more times than Angelus did.

"Come on, luv." Spike takes my arm and leads me to the front door.

"Angel, you're leaving?" Buffy rushes forward and touches my arm.

"Yeah, we vampires have to get home before dawn, you know," quips Spike.

"It's hours from dawn, Spike!"

"Well, we have to have enough time in case something unforeseen happens." He's grabbing my arm again and starts to pull me forcibly towards the door.

"Bye," I shout back to Buffy.

As soon as we get outside, I turn to Spike.

"What are you doing?" I demand. Spike doesn't answer, because his mouth is over mine and his arms squeeze me tighter than I ever been held before.

"I want to see you, Angel," he moans into my mouth. "I want to see you, as you see me"

I actually feel like crying. "I love you," I answer as I kiss him back.

"Ditto," he replies.

Spike's POV:

I know what I want now. I only had to see Angel to know. It wasn't gratitude or need that brought him here, but love. He wants me, and I've realised what it is that I want. I've been trying to decide what I desire all these months, and I only had to see him to know. I want Angel, anyway I can get him.

We run back to the crypt, and I can't wait to touch him again. His mouth is so amazing when we kiss. I attack his clothing, and in seconds he's naked. I want him *so* much. My mouth covers his again, as I rub his erect cock. Angel starts pulling at my own clothing and I let them fall to the floor.

"Downstairs. Bed," I moan.

"No time," Angel replies. His body pressed against mine with the same desperate urgency.

I push him down into my armchair and kiss his mouth again. I take his length into my hand and press him to my entrance. His cock head rubs against the sensitive tissues and I groan deeply into his mouth. He pushes up, pressing against the tight ring of muscle of my anus, and with a little fiddling his cock head pops inside. For a moment it burns, but I begin to stretch as he moves deeper. I can feel myself splitting slightly but it doesn't matter. What are we if not vampires? Blood to us is life, food, sex, family, everything. Angel clutches me closer, burrowing his face into my neck.

Biting is something we haven't done. No matter how many times we climaxed together we never bit each other. Biting while having sex for vampires is a deep intimate thing. It means a deep-rooted connection, that sometimes can create a bond more extreme then that of Childe and Sire. I haven't feed from Angel in 100 years, nor him from me.

"I want you forever, Spike."

"Me too, Angel," I moan, "I want me forever, too." Ah! That got a little chuckle out of him. I think he knows what I mean. That I'm serious enough to be with him forever.

"Be my Mate, Spike."

"Be *my* Mate, Angel," I challenge.

As our orgasm starts to crest, we both position our teeth at each other' throat. As we come, both sets of fangs dig into cool skin and I taste the sweet blood of my sire, now Mate. I scream around the bite as I cover his chest. I feel him moaning too, as he fills my passage with cooling sperm. Finally, as the intensity passes, we collapse together in the chair. I lap gently at my bite mark, as he does the same to me. This feeling is mind-blowing. We don't need to speak. We don't need to do anything. We both just know.

Angel sees me and I see Angel. Neither of us are lost in the dark any longer; he is my light, just as I am his, and that is enough.

The End.

For those you want it - the lyrics for How You Remind Me:

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'
Tired of livin like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feelin'

This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry, I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken for handing you a heart with breaking
I've been wrong, I've been down, been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream: are we havin'' fun yet

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

This is how you...

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin'

This is how u remind me...