*****

"It happened during patrol. He got hit pretty hard in the head." Willow explained to Angel as she sat in front of him in his office. Angel looked over at Xander who was staring darkly at the floor, clearly not happy to be there.

"The doctors say it's probably permanent." Willow whispered in confidence to the vampire. He didn't understand why she whispered since the boy was obviously deaf like a stone. The redhead patted Xander's knee and he looked up at her, wondering if he'd miss something important. She smiled at him and he instantly knew she was still talking about him and his new handicap.

"He doesn't like it when people talk about him." Willow said when she received a cold stare from her best friend. "Anyhow we would be really thankful if he could stay here with you and you made sure he went to his appointments. We don't really know anyone else in LA and we wouldn't want to leave him with a complete stranger."

"Stop talking about me like I'm a kid, Will." Xander told her, angrily, and she winced, remembering that he was slowly learning to read lips. "Look, Angel, just so we have things clear, I'm not happy to be here and I was against the whole coming to you thing in the first place. I rather check into a hotel."

Willow sighed. "Xander, you know you can't afford staying at a hotel."

"So I'll sleep on the streets! Anything is better than staying here!" Xander exclaimed. He looked briefly at Angel before he stood and walked out of the room.

"We got to cut him some slack. He's not dealing yet." Willow said to Angel.

"He obviously doesn't want to stay here. What do you expect me to do? Tie him up and keep him as my prisoner?" Angel responded and rubbed his forehead. He didn't need this right now. He was still mourning Doyle and he had Cordelia to care for. He had spent every night at her place, sitting by her bed while she cried herself to a restless sleep. He felt exhausted and he wasn't sure he could control his temper if he would have Xander around as well.

"If you have to." Willow answered, solemnly. "I'm really worried about him, Angel. He has tried to kill himself."

"What?" Angel blurted out.

Willow sighed, tears welling up in her eyes. "I know you two don't exactly get along. Okay, that's an understatement, you hate each other�but please, we have no one else to turn to and I don't want to loose him."

"I don't hate him." Angel said, wanting to make that clear.

"Oh."

"You really thought I did?" Angel asked her.

Willow blushed. "Everyone thought so. You even hit him once, remember?"

Angel groaned. He'd almost forgotten about that. Sure the kid had bugged the hell out of him at times but he had never hated him. He'd actually enjoyed his company at times. Xander's personality had sometimes reminded him of his youngest childe, Spike.

"It was just an act. Faith would have gotten suspicious if I hadn't done something to him." Angel mumbled.

"I know." Willow assured him. "But the bruise was very real and it took weeks for Xander to let that one go. His family, they're a bit abusive, and I guess he lost the last faith he had in you when you hit him."

Angel's eyes darkened. "No one ever told me."

"No one knows but me, and well, you now." Willow told him. "Don't tell him I told you." She added in a hurry. "He would never forgive me."

"Of course."

"So will you do it?" Willow asked him.

"I'm not sure I'm the right person for him to be around right now. I'm not�good with people." Angel responded.

Willow smiled. "You're a lot better than you think, Angel."

The vampire didn't know how to respond to that so when she rose from her chair he just rose as well and politely showed her out of the office.

"You take care of him now." Willow told him in a serious tone and he nodded. She walked up to Xander, who was standing at the windows staring out into the night, and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you." She mumbled into his back before she let him go. He turned around, his face expressionless.

"You're going to leave me with him, aren't you?" He asked her and she cupped his cheek.

"You'll be fine here, Xander, and it's not forever." She told him. "I have to go."

"Do you want me to drive you anywhere?" Angel asked her.

Willow shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I think that perhaps you two should talk after I'm gone. Do the guy thing or whatever but get over your problems."

The men didn't respond just watched her wave goodbye before she walked out of the office's doors, leaving them in silence.

*****

Angel coughed, uncomfortable with the whole situation. He hadn't been alone with Xander at many occasions and when he had been the air had often been full with unsaid words.

Xander wrapped his arms around himself and looked up at Angel. "So where do I sleep?"

The dark-haired vampire lifted up the suitcase that stood beside Cordelia's desk and motioned for Xander to follow him. He pulled the lift doors open and once inside it felt like the trip down to his apartment took hours. Angel carried the suitcase into his bedroom and laid it down on the bed. He turned towards Xander and looked him in the eye.

"Can you read lips well or do you want me to write things down?" He asked him and felt like an idiot as he used body language to make it clearer what he was trying to say.

"Talk slowly and don't turn your back on me and I'll understand you just fine." Xander answered. "It's funny how fast you can learn things when it's a necessity for your survival. Guess that's why Buff's such a skilled fighter."

Angel nodded. "Good. I'll put your stuff here. You can take my bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

"That works for me." Xander said.

"When are your appointments?" Angel asked him, getting to the point of Xander's staying in LA.

Xander sighed and pulled up a sheet of paper from the back pocket of his jeans and handed it to Angel. On it was written everything Angel needed to know. It seemed like Willow or whomever that had helped Xander talk to the doctors had managed to get him appointments after sunset.

"Okay. Good." Angel said and looked up at Xander. "Do you want something to drink? I have�um, water."

"Water's fine."

Angel nodded, thankful to get a reason to escape for awhile.

*****

Cordelia walked into her apartment and closed the door, leaning tiredly against it. She had been to an audition and it had gone worse than usual. She hadn't thought that was possible but as always she stood corrected.

"Rough day at the office?"

Cordelia's eyes widened. When did Dennis start to talk and when the hell did he get a voice that sounded just like Doyle's?

"Cordy?"

"Phantom Dennis, if this is some kind of joke�" She threatened, walking around the apartment.

"He went on vacation. It's me, Cordelia. Doyle. Aren't you happy to see me?"

"I *can't* see you." Cordelia responded, harshly. She was so close to crying and when she got hold of whoever who was playing this cruel joke on her she wasn't going to be the only one who would cry.

"That can be arranged, Princess." Doyle said and suddenly he was standing in front of her.

"Doyle?" Cordelia stammered, her hand flying up to cover her mouth.

"The one and only."

Cordelia fainted.

*****

Cordelia felt someone slap her face and she opened one eye to glare at the stupid, evil guy whom claimed to be Doyle.

"Why are you so shocked, Princess? I thought you said you had been raised on top of a hellmouth or something." Doyle asked her.

"Yeah, 'cause stranger things have happened. No, wait, they really haven't and they're not going to! You're not real! Doyle would never be so annoying!" She yelled, shoving him away and sitting up. "How come I can touch you? And see you? What are you really besides evil?"

Doyle chuckled. "Not all ghosts are invisible, love."

"Looking like you do you should be!" Cordelia hissed. Doyle rolled his eyes, pretending to not be hurt by her words and faded away. Cordelia stared around the empty apartment and started to sob. "Doyle! Come back!"

"Hush now, love. It's okay." Doyle spoke into her ear and she felt arms wrap around her. Then she suddenly could see him again and she smiled through the tears.

"I'm a bitch." She admitted and he kissed her forehead.

"As long as you're my bitch that's fine with me." He told her.

"You wish!" Cordelia snorted but her eyes were still smiling. She hugged Doyle close and buried her face into his shoulder. "If this is a dream never make me wake up�"

*****

Angel stood on the roof looking over the bright city. After another awkward round of silent nods and exchanged looks Xander had announced that he was going to bed. Angel was thankful to get some time by himself. He wasn't used to having guests and the last time when Cordelia had *made* herself his guest he had been ready to strangle her every morning before he had gotten his first bag of pig blood.

He had expected to be forced down into the sewers to cool off after a few minutes alone with the youth but Xander had been so quiet and withdrawn that Angel had for a short while suspected the boy to be possessed. He had recognized the signs though. Having seen them in people he had tortured and maimed in the old days. There was such anger and pain inside that young man and the bubble was going to burst at some point. Perhaps already had since he'd tried to end his life.

When Angel had known what to look for he had seen the marks on Xander's wrists when his sleeves had slid up his arms for a short moment before the boy hastily pulled them back down. He had pretended to not have noticed when he sensed the boy's dark eyes resting on him. It hadn't been the time to bring it up and Angel wasn't sure it was his responsibility to do so.

Sighing heavily Angel went inside to check on Xander and continue brooding inside his office until Cordelia arrived, bringing a smell of coffee and donuts. Maybe it would be good for her to find someone else to care for so she could let go of the memories of Doyle.

*****
Part 2:

Angel gave a start when he heard the slam of doors and realized that he had nodded off. He quickly rose from his chair and hurried out from his office to see Cordelia placing her purse on her desk. She looked up at him and gave him a big bright smile, which shone up the otherwise dark place. He crossed his arms over his chest and leant against the doorway.

"You never called me last night. Are you okay?" He asked her softly.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" Cordelia asked him back, looking up at him as she took her place behind the computer.

Angel narrowed his dark eyes in worry and confusion. He took a deep unneeded breath. "Um, you know, because of Doyle?"

"Doyle�" She echoed.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Angel asked her again and looked behind him when he sensed another presence in the room. Xander ran a hand through his still unbrushed hair and then rubbed his tired eyes as he walked up towards the vampire.

"Yeah." Cordelia said, frowning when she heard footfalls. Her eyes widened when Xander appeared in her sight. "Xander? Oh my God, Xander! It's so good to see you! How you been?" She rambled, running up to him. She hugged him and then looked into his eyes. "Well?"

"Sorry, Cor, I didn't hear what you said." Xander told her, smiling slightly.

"No one ever listens to me." Cordelia sighed.

"If it's any consolation I wish I had paid more attention listening to your voice because now�I really miss it. How depressing is that?" Xander told her.

"Aww. That's so cute�I think�but still I have no idea what you're talking about." Cordelia said.

"He's deaf, Cordy." Angel explained to her.

"Deaf?" Cordelia said, staring into Xander's dark brown eyes. She gently captured his face in her hands. "You can't hear me?"

"Takes the fun out of insulting me, huh?" Xander told her.

"You're not funny."

"You have no idea how many times I've heard that one." Xander muttered.

"Hey! How come you know what I'm saying?" Cordelia exclaimed.

"I read the words on your lips."

"I should have known you'd do anything to get a reason to stare at people's lips�" Cordelia said.

"Cute, Cor."

"I thought so." Cordelia said, smiling. "Don't take this the wrong way 'cause I'm glad to see you, but why are you here?"

"They have some specialists here in LA and the doctors in Sunnydale thought that if there was any chance of me gaining my hearing back I should take it." Xander answered.

"So there is hope?" Cordelia asked him hopefully.

"A little." Xander answered.

"You don't seem awfully cheerful." Cordelia told him.

"No, I guess I don't." Xander said shortly and Cordelia decided to back off.

"Um, I should get back to work. Angel?" She said and the vampire that had sat down on her desk, giving the two some privacy looked startled up at her.

"Yes? Right, work. Give me the files on our new client and I have a look at it. I guess I should talk to Kate on this one. She might have some information we might need." Angel told her.

"Great, you go talk to cop lady." Cordelia sighed. She didn't really like the detective. Mostly because Angel seemed to get a bit too attached to the blonde, angry policewoman. Nothing good would come out of that relationship but of course Angel were too blind to see that.

"I'll just go downstairs." Xander said, uncomfortable.

"Oh, you don't have to. You can help me." Cordelia said, not wanting him to feel like an outsider.

"No. I'll be fine downstairs doing nothing." Xander assured her. Cordelia shook her head as she watched him depart and went to work.

******

Angel looked around him and then looked at Cordelia who was sitting at her desk, reading some files. "Can we talk?"

She laid down the papers on her desk and clasped her hands. "Sure, boss."

"Eh, good. You know Xander a lot better than I do. How do you think he's handling things?" Angel asked her.

"Well, my *professional* conclusion is that's he's not handling it at all." Cordelia told him. "He has hit rock bottom, I would say. He thought he'd been there before but he's found out that there's yet a lower place and to him that's pretty damn low."

"So aren't you going to talk to him?" Angel asked her.

"Me? Look, when Xander and I were together we didn't open up our hearts to each other and spoke of our deep secrets. It wasn't like that. Our relationship was pretty much based on lust and teenage hormones and you know how wacky those can be�Or perhaps you don't being way old but anyway we didn't share stuff." Cordelia said. "He won't open up to me and if he hasn't even talked to Willow about how he's feeling than he's not going to�ever."

"He has to. You can't keep feelings like that inside for too long. It's going to destroy him if he tries to." Angel told her, gravely.

"Yeah, well, good luck trying to tell him that." Cordelia muttered. "Besides what do you care? You two were always in each other's throats�not literally of course."

"Saving souls�isn't that what we do here?" Angel asked her.

"Nice way of avoiding the question, Angel." Cordelia answered. "Look, his first appointment is today, isn't it? I'll go with you if that makes you feel better but I'm not going to be the one forcing him to open up. Which obviously leaves you to do it."

"It's nice to know you can be so helpful." Angel said too sweetly to be honest.

"Any time."

******

Xander almost didn't respond to the doctors when they asked him questions and when he did he wasn't speaking with a friendly tone. It finally got on Angel's nerves and when they got inside the office and Cordelia had left he let him have it. "What's with the attitude? You don't want any help, is that it?"

"I don't need any coddling." Xander hissed. "I'm fine."

"So I see." Angel growled, grabbing hold of his arm and pushing up the sleeve. "You did this to yourself! You think that's fine as well?"

Xander violently shoved him away, tears in his eyes. "Don't even�You know? Let's just not. Don't pretend to care 'cause I know it's all a big lie to make you feel good about yourself. Well, I'm not going to help you with that so stay away from me."

"Happy to oblige." Angel said, angrily, stepping aside to let Xander pass him. "You obviously don't need me."

"I need no one." Xander told him.

"That's where you're wrong, kid. We all need someone." Angel told his back and watched him go downstairs. The vampire sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. Wherever they were going it was one hell of a bumpy start.

*****

Cordelia stepped inside her apartment and looked at Doyle who appeared in front of her.

"Judging by the fact that there's no vampire with a soul and overhanging forehead rushing in here in hyper brood mood I'm guessing you didn't tell him, yeah?" Doyle told her.

"Oops! My bad. It totally slipped my mind." Cordelia said, avoiding looking at him.

"Cordy�"

"Not buying that one, huh?" She said, raising her gaze to look him apologetically in the eye.

"Why didn't you tell him, love?" Doyle asked her and sat down beside her when she sank down tiredly on the couch.

"I'm just scared he'll take you away from me." Cordelia confessed.

"Take me away? Why would Angel kidnap me?" Doyle asked her, slightly confused.

"No, silly. He'd try to make you go back wherever you came from. He's all into fixing things, you know that. He'll think there's been a mistake." Cordelia told him. "I don't want to loose you again."

"You'll never loose me, Princess." Doyle told her, stroking her cheek. "But you should have told him."

"I know and I will when I'm ready. Just give me time." Cordelia begged him.

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when you tell him, love." Doyle said

She made a grimace. "I can take him. He's going to forgive me."

"How can you be so sure?"

"He's Angel and he loves me no matter what." Cordelia said, smiling.

"True. How could he not." Doyle grinned, kissing her.

"My point exactly." Cordelia managed to say before Doyle left her too breathless to speak�

*****
Part 3:

It was funny how even a Sunnydale-born person could be so easily lured into a sense of safety. Funny or not, Xander had a very hard time chuckling when he was suddenly hurled into the couch, banging his head into the arm rest. He groaned, tumbling off the couch and managed to support himself with his hand against the coffee table before his chin connected with the hard, cool surface.

Xander blinked, stilling his clumsy movements as he looked up at his ragged, I'm-demons'-version-of-white-thrash, attacker. His eyes fell on the mouth full of sharp, glistening teeth and found himself oddly fascinated with the evil grin the demon gave him.

//I laugh in the face of danger.and then I hide until it goes away. //

Xander was afraid that he was going to find out just how sharp those teeth really were and really didn't want to. Since hiding wasn't an option, he decided to start screaming like a girl, diving down and crawling to the other side of the couch.

The demon growled, the high-pitched scream hurting his sensitive ears and circled the couch, hissing when he saw the young man crawling on the floor to get away from him.

Xander froze in horror when the demon stopped in front of him, standing tall over Xander's shaking frame and giving him a murderous glare. Xander had seen that look before and it sent him into a state of mind numbing fear. The kind of fear he had felt decades ago as a child when he was convinced that he had monsters living in his closet and there was nothing he could do to save himself. Of course, with hindsight and growing up in Sunnydale, Xander couldn't be sure that his closet dwelling monsters had only been figments of his wild imagination.

The creature before him was worse than anything his mind could ever possibly invent and when it attacked he was painfully aware that it was just as real as life itself. Xander quickly realized that he had no chance against its superior strength and agility. Not once was he able to dodge or block the demon's well placed punches. It wasn't long before he was curled into a fetal ball, arms over his head to protect his eyes for the claws that rained cuts over his body.

When the demon's carmine claws cut particularly deep, shredding the skin like razors through paper, Xander let out another earsplitting scream.

The pain in his chest grew after he was tossed across the room and crashed into a bookshelf. At his point, he was praying the chest pain indicated a quickly approaching massive heart attack, because he wasn't sure he could take much more pain without going crazy. He'd heard a few ribs crack and his tail bone hurt so bad once he'd landed that he whimpered or screamed out in pain with the slightest of movements.

Sobbing and close to passing out with pain, Xander crawled out from the wrecked bookcase, trying to get away from the beast. He stopped, his path suddenly blocked by shiny black boots. He craned his neck up, gazing at dark pants, dark shirt, and finally into the dark gaze of Angel. The vampire growled low in his throat and Xander winced at the look on Angel's face, moving back in fear. The younger man yelped as Angel leaped over him, lunging at the demon behind him.

The look Angel gave his enemy was a fevered one, clearly showing his extreme displeasure at having one of "his" humans hurt, especially while under his very roof. Estrangement or not, Xander was under his protection and he wouldn't accept anyone or anything hurting what he'd sworn to protect.

Angel hissed and slugged the demon straight in the face, breaking his nose. He wrapped his huge, strong hands around the demon's throat and squeezed, smothering the pained sounds coming from the injured beast. The vampire had for so long suppressed his anger over Doyle's death and now he was taking out that rage on the demon that had been foolish enough to choose the wrong vampire to mess with.

Angel smiled wryly at the demon's prayers for mercy before roughly shoving it away and grabbing a sword from the wall, swinging it in the air a few times while offering the demon a smirk. A second later the dead demon lay spread eagle in the remains of the coffee table, its abdomen neatly sliced open, contents spilling grotesquely out and making the room reek like an abattoir.

Angel swept some of the blood that had cascaded over him from his eyes as he fell to his knees beside the still shaking form of Xander. He was ghastly pale, as if all the strength and blood had vanished, leaving only a man on the edge of death and sanity. Angel stroked the pallid pace gingerly, worried that just the gentle touch of his fingers would bring the boy pain.

Xander was crying openly and Angel hushed him, trying to calm him down. He saw that the neckband of Xander's white T-shirt was torn and took a steady grip of the shirt and tore it completely off the human. His eyes roamed over the naked flesh, hissing in anger at the sight of the cuts marring the otherwise unblemished skin.

Xander moaned, pressing a hand against his groin. Angel removed his hand and inspected the soon to be bruised spot. He stroked his index finger over the sensitive skin and brushed his moist lips against the heated flesh. Xander looked at him in horror.

"I won't hurt you. Do you trust me?"

The younger man nodded, watching Angel with widened, tearfilled eyes as the vampire leaned down to lap at the bleeding cuts, bathing them with his tongue and making them close with the healing properties in his saliva. Xander moaned, looking at him through almost closed lids, fresh tears still glittering in his dark eyes.

Angel looked up at him, his face expressionless as he cupped the boy's face, stroking the bruised cheek with his thumb. He didn't say anything and he didn't do anything more. Just felt the shiver go through the boy at his simple touch.

Angel sighed, guilt squeezing his heart. The boy would be scarred. The event leaving another reminder of yet another battle not won.

"I'm sorry." Angel mumbled and Xander narrowed his eyes in confusion but still remained quiet. He let the vampire pull him to his feet and lead him to the bedroom.

Angel carefully laid Xander on the bed to rest, tucking the blankets around the boy as if he were a small child. He stared solemnly down at Xander's tear stained face for a few moments before silently sliding beneath the covers and moving close to Xander, spooning his warmth and wrapping his arm along Xander's, entwining their fingers.

The vampire sensed that Xander needed some kind of closeness and touch and even though he didn't feel completely comfortable laying so close to Xander and holding him he knew it was all he could do to comfort the boy at the moment. Angel felt the human quiver and moved closer. He tensed, waiting for Xander to rebuff him but Xander remained quiet.

After awhile the younger man's sobs broke the silence.

"It's okay. I'm here." Angel whispered to him. "You don't have to go through this alone."

Xander leaned into the larger man's embrace, willing to overlook their problems, forget the past, and just take comfort.

*****