*****

*** L.A. ***

The youngish looking man slid through the crowd like a wisp of smoke, a brown paper bag with groceries clutched tightly in his arms. Nobody overly noticed him, he was just a face in the crowd, a nameless being, a short-time memory in the brains of the people around him. For them he was like a ghost and he was ok with that.

Without hurry he stepped into a dark alley and entered a seemingly abandoned warehouse... his home... for the moment. In the next instant he was surrounded by children, laughing, bantering and begging children.

He smiled as he hunched down to pass out the treats he had gathered, apples, pears, oranges and peaches. It wasn't much, but it was more than the children had known before he had started to take care of them. An older girl tugged at his jacket, wanting to get his attention. He turned to her, raising an eyebrow questionly.

"You have been gone for a long time, Ghost. We were worried about you."

A shy smile hushed over Ghost's lips while his hands were busy explaining why he had come late. 'I am sorry Feli, but Pater Marcus had found a place for Tony and he was happy and I was happy and I forgot the time.' "A place for Tony? That's great!"

She hugged him, laughing out loud, happy for the boy that would get a new home now, thanks to Ghost, who never tired to search for them.

The spontaneous celebration was interrupted when Ghost suddenly doubled over, hiding his face in his arms.

"Ghost? Ghost!" she tugged at his arms, already knowing what she would see when he finally let her uncover his face.

Ridges distorting his forehead, fangs that were unconsciously gnawing at his lower lip and red-golden eyes that were closed in self-loathing and shame.

"Ghost, when did you last eat?" She held him, forcing him to look at her. A tired 'I don't know.' was all she needed to see him signaling.

"Come, you need to eat." She tugged until he stood up and lead him to a secluded area of the warehouse. Several rat cages were stored here, filled with noisy squeaking animals. He sighed, a toneless sigh, only visible through the slumping of his shoulders.

'I hate it.' His hands told her.

"I know, but you have to eat, Ghost. Or you will die and then we will be alone again."

'Dying is not an option for me, Feli. You know that.'

"Yes, but I still would feel better if you started to take better care of you. Not working until you are close to death, regularly eating... that would make me happy, would make all of us happy."

'I.. I will try, Feli. I can't promise you more, but I will try.'

"Good. You can start trying by eating something. And don't try to fool me.. I know all the hiding-the-food-beneath-the-salad tricks." She finished jokingly.

'Yes, mom.' He turned towards the cages, only to turn back to her. 'Feli?' His hands asked shyly.

"Yes, Ghost?"

'Could you leave me alone, please? I don't... want you to see me like this.'

She simply nodded, turned around and left.

He waited until he couldn't hear her heartbeat anymore before he pounced at the rats, draining them until they were noting more than dry husks. When he finally pulled out of his feeding frenzy he let himself sink to the floor, huddling in midst of the rat-corpses and cried. A voiceless, toneless sobbing of misery and shame for what he had become.

***

Angel's eyes were trained at the ceiling, yet his mind was turned inwards and he didn't really see anything. He tried to ignore the chains that bound him to his bed, chains that his friends had deemed necessary because HE had been loose again. He... Angelus. Just a sip of champagne, spiked with an unknown drug and he had become a psychotic monster again. Now he was scared. He had thought himself somewhat save, as long as he stayed away from Buffy, as long as he didn't fell in love again. But now he wasn't that sure any more. How much happiness was too much? His mind raced, thinking about possible scenarios of danger. There were so many different forms and ways of being happy, which form was OK and what was dangerous for his soul?

The door opened and Wesley stepped inside, a key ring in his hands. It seemed that Wes and Cordy had decided that he had waited long enough to be released. He waited patiently as Wesley unlocked and removed the chains. Slowly he sat up, not wanting to scare him. He had scared both of them enough yesterday.

"How are you feeling?" Angel looked up, surprised, he hadn't expected this caring question. Not now, not from the ex-watcher. But he could feel that the question was genuine and he deserved the truth. "I'm scared." He answered simply. Wesley crocked an eyebrow.

"I thought I would be save as long as I stayed away from Buffy, or fell in love again, but now... ."

"You are afraid that you will loose your soul again." Wesley summarized.

"Yes." Angel muttered, "You have seen me yesterday. Just a bit of a drug and I'm a kill-happy lunatic again. What else is there? A joke, a trusting client... there are so many possibilities. Maybe the next time it's for real and you have to stake me before I start killing again or chain me up until you can get Willow to do the soul curse again." He stopped, shook his head. "I don't know what to do, how to prevent this. I think that scares me the most."

"I see," Wesley muttered, "but maybe we could find a way to anchor your soul... I mean... I don't know.., but there has to be a way to secure your soul to you."

Angel thought about it and nodded slowly. "Yes. I think you're right... . There has to be a way, we only have to find it."

*** six days later ***

Wesley stormed into the office, his face beaming. He had finally found the information he had searched so desperately for. A way to secure Angel's soul to him. There was just a tiny catch.

"Angel?" He practically bounced.

"Wesley?" Angel could smell the man's excitement, knew he had found something even without watching him bounce... but it was such a cute picture.

"I have found a way to anchor your soul... no let me rephrase this... I.. one of my contacts I've known since my watcher training, she told me that 'Heaven's voice' lives in LA. There is nothing 'Heaven's voice' can't do, as long as it is with good intentions. The Voice is heavens greatest earthly agent. He or she can do it, can bind your soul to you forever... the catch is that we have to find the Voice first and as far as I know, nobody even knows if the Voice is male or female."

Angel stared at him, blinked. How had Wes managed to tell all this without taking a breath? After all the ex-watcher was a human, he should have to stop to breathe from time to time. Then finally his words sank in. A way to anchor his soul. To be free of the fear of being too happy, of being happy at all. All he had to do was finding one unknown person in the million-city LA. Well had won against worse odds than this and it was the first real possibility they had found.

***

Ghost sighed tonelessly. Sometimes living with the children was a test of endurance. Like now. His face was covered with second and third degree burns and the children wouldn't stop cooing about him. He felt like a life-size doll... the only thing they hadn't tried yet was dressing him in some pretty clothes and make him meet some other poor life-size barbie doll. He wearily closed his eyes, mimicking sleep and listening to the children leaving quietly. Blessed silence.

Footsteps... and a familiar heartbeat. Feli. But he didn't want to be mothered anymore, he tried to fake sleep, hoping she would get the hint and leave him alone.

Feli nudged him repentantly to get his attention and when he finally looked up at her, she handed him a cup, brimming with still warm blood. Rat blood, and he didn't have to ask who had killed the rats for him, he could smell the odor of the rats still clinging to her fingers.

He looked down, but took the cup, emptying it in one long draught. "There isn't that better?" Feli asked as she took the cup out of his unresisting hands. And she was right. He had needed it, yet he hated to eat in front of anyone. 'You already know, Feli. I just don't like to eat in front of you.' "I know. But you should know that no one will think less about you, not after what you did for that woman yesterday or for any of us... Let me see.. you took us from the streets, you gave us a home, protection and you are constantly working to give us a chance at life. C'me on. You are our hero, Ghost."

A smile hushed over his face as he heard her enthusiastic words. He wasn't used to such words of praise, yet he did know that Feli was always brutally honest with him. She was speaking what she was thinking. He bowed his head. 'Always aiming to please you, my fair lady.' She giggled. "Ghost, you're one of a kind." 'True, Feli, true.' More true than you will ever know, Feli, he thought as she snuggled next to him. Her warmth blanketing him, he let himself drift in a much needed healing sleep.

***

Cordelia was sorting the mail, mostly junk mail with one or two odd bills thrown into for good measure. She shook her head, wondering how many other offices in the city would get bills for A'greskya skin or Tfjdol stones... probably none. And that damn skin had been really expensive! Heavens, she owed dresses that hadn't cost as much as the irisend demonskin!

She was so distracted by her inner monolog, that she didn't noticed the door to the office slowly opening... she did notice the insitent tugging at her skirt through. When she turned around to mouth off at the intruder she came face to face with a small boy, who was smiling at her with huge brown eyes.

All her anger melted away as he smiled at her, it was so damn difficult to stay angry at someone who looked so sweet. "Hello sweetie. What can I do for you? Are you lost?" The boy simply shook his head and handed her a plain white envelope.

She turned the envelope in her hands, noticed the name and was shocked. So shocked that she didn't notice the boy slipping out of the office and vanishing in the crowd.

When she finally looked up, the child was long gone and with him her only chance of getting answers. She stared back at the innocent white envelope that had caused her shock. It was boringly normal... except for the address.

'Angelus' was written in flowing letters on the front. And in the left corner, as return address, there stood two words. Two words that were rocking her world on many different levels. 'Heaven's voice'.

***

Angel stared at the letter, at the answer of all his searches and a feeling of numbness was creeping up his spine. A month, an entire month he had searched for the tiniest clue of the being called 'Heaven's voice' without even the smallest success and now, when he had been close to giving up, he had gotten a time and an address to meet with the elusive being. His thoughts raced. All his instincts were screaming 'TRAP' at him, yet he couldn't simply put the letter aside and forget about it. What if the letter was true? What if this was his only chance to meet this person who could ease the burden of his curse a little? Unconsciously his fingers were folding and unfolding the fateful note.

Cordelia had been hyper excited when she had given him the letter, after telling him all the details how she had gotten it, almost gushing when she talked about the sweet little boy with the big brown eyes who had delivered the letter.

He looked down at the crumpled letter and made a decision. Trap or no trap, he would go. It might be his only chance to anchor his soul and while the note had said that he should come alone, it didn't told him to come unarmed.

***

Slowly he walked into the abandoned warehouse, one hand close to his sword. The warehouse was dark and cold, yet he could detect several human heartbeats.

"You have come, Angelus." A girl stepped out of the dark. She was small and he guessed that she couldn't be older than twelve years.

"Are you... " "Heaven's singer...? No. But I'll talk to you before you can see him. I will ask you questions and you will answer, truthfully, if you really want to meet him. And don't try to lie to me, I'm an empath... I know when people lie to me."

He nodded, a bit stunned by the forceful behavior of the girl. "Ask." "What do you want from him, Angelus? A vampire with your reputation for evil, what do you want from Heaven's singer?"

Angel flinched at her usage of his other name, flinched even more when he heard the question. "I don't go by Angelus anymore. And I am not evil, not anymore. I got cursed..." "...by a clan of gypsies as punishment for killing their favorite daughter, yes I know. I also know that the curse was broken more than two years ago. So how did you get your soul back?"

The eyes of the girl seemed to look straight into his soul and he felt compelled to tell her everything. So he did. Told her about his time as a soulless monster, how he had wanted to open a portal between earth and hell, how he had been recursed with his soul only to be sent straight to hell to close the portal again. He spoke about his last year in Sunnydale after being sent back from hell, about ascension and how he had moved to LA, Doyle, Cordelia, Wesley and how a drug he unknowingly had digested had released his evil side for the time the chemical had circled through his system. He told her about his fear to loose his soul again and about his search for a meaning to anchor his soul.

She listened without saying a word. When he stopped talking she closed her eyes, concentrated. Finally she nodded. "You are speaking the truth." She stated. "Ghost will be able to help you... but I should warn you, he is afraid of you... he only knew that your curse was broken, not that you had been recursed... we spent the last month trying to escape from your notice... he finally gave up because he was to exhausted to run anymore."

With these words she lead him deeper into the warehouse, crossing a group of children, Ghost's charges, the girl explained. Finally they reached a door that lead to the room that had been the office of the warehouse once. The girl turned to him. "Let me talk with him first." After his nod she slid through the door, closing it tightly after her.

He didn't know how long he had waited in front of the door, it might have been only ten minutes, yet it seemed to be hours to him. Finally the door opened and he was allowed to enter.

***

Angel squinted, the office room was only illuminated by two flickering candles. The hairs of his neck started to raise as he noticed a familiar feeling. Vampire. Somewhere close by. He could barely suppress a growl, remembering the girl's warning that Heaven's voice was afraid of him.

The girl crossed the room, squatting down next to the sitting figure of a young man. The man was sitting with his back towards him and Angel couldn't help but notice the tremors running down through the figure. "Ghost...," the girl gave the man a nudge, ".. he is here." The man, Ghost, stood up slowly and turned around.

All breath left Angel, he felt like somebody had hit him with a sledgehammer, while Angelus was clawing at the bars of his cage, howling and demanding to be let out.

"Xander."

*****
Part 2:

*** flashback ***

Angelus stared at the naked beauty that was tied tightly to his bed. Soon the boy would wake from his sedated haze and then he would be his. His childe, his mate. His to claim. HIS. He smiled evilly. The slayer still believed that she was his main interest but why should he settle for somebody as shallow as her, when he had someone as complex and beautiful as the boy? Xander, loyal to a fault, courageous as a hundred slayers never could be. A dark male beauty and yet so clueless about it, so innocent... pure.

Xander, the boy had always opposed him, when he still had been the souled wuss. Had always told everybody that he didn't like him, yet Angel had been able to smell his arousal every single time he had come close to the boy.

Angel had wanted him too, yet he had never done anything to get him. Even as he had taken the Slayer's virginity, he had imagined it to be Xander's tight passage. That had been the moment of happiness, the moment when he had been able to so completely lie to himself that he actually believed that his partner was Xander. Now Angel was gone and Angelus was through with lying to himself. Why should he, when he could have the real thing, when he could have Xander? His heartbeat started to speed up, signaling to him that his 'guest' was waking.

He turned to the bed wanting to witness the moment when the boy opened his liquid brown eyes. Wanting to watch him wake up for the last time... as a human, for then he would be his.

***

Xander blinked several times, his head really did hurt and the light was too bright. He couldn't remember what he had done, but it felt like he wouldn't be doing anything similar in the near future. Groaning he tried to stretch overly abused muscles only to find that he couldn't move. Alarmed he looked around to find himself in his worst nightmare. His limbs were tied to the post of a bed - not his bed his panicked mind noticed - he was naked and the psychotic version of Buffy's boyfriend was grinning at him like the cat who ate the canary. No... who was about to eat the canary and he could guess who would be said canary.

His heart was racing and he felt a scream of pure panic bubbling up his throat. A clawed finger was placed over his lips and he gulped audibly as he looked into the ridged face that was way to close to him.

"Don't bother. Nobody will hear you and it would only annoy me. You don't want to make me angry, do you?" The voice was soft and almost loving, yet the meaning of his words was very clear. Xander nodded and his breath hitched as he tried to swallow his scream. "Good boy," the vampire murmured, but he was still too close to him. Was still looking at him hungrily, like he was an especially delectable meal... and in a way he really was.

A cold hand started to roam his chest and another type of fear started to rise in him. "Such a beautiful boy. You didn't think I would ignore someone as unique as you, did you?" Angelus' voice whispered in his ear. Xander shook his head, closed his eyes and tried to free himself with brute force. The leather bonds simply cut deeper into his skin, never giving an inch. A chuckle could be heard, before two fingers clenched punishingly around his nipple. He whimpered and the vampire chuckled again. "You're not going anywhere, pretty one." A cold tongue licked along his neck. He heard a rustle and then felt the bed moving as Angelus settled between his spread legs. Fingers stroked his abdomen then down his flanks and he couldn't suppress a shiver. "That's right, pretty one. Might enjoy it. I know I will."

When the cold fingers closed around his genitals, Xander realized what Angelus was exactly planning. A silent chant of No's started in his head, yet he knew there was nothing that could stop the vampire. His eyes closed tightly, the chant in his mind growing louder and louder, he waited for it to end.

***

Angelus frowned as he looked at the boy's face. Xander's eyes were clenched tightly shut and tears were flowing down his face. That wasn't what he had expected. He had thought that the boy would argue more violently, that he wouldn't be able to take the boy's virginity without a fight. Yet the boy lay there... pale, still and silently crying.

It didn't matter. He would take the boy, take his virginity, humanity and make him completely his. With skilled fingers he started to prepare the tight opening, his own cock coming to life with the thought of entering the hot channel of his chosen companion.

He grabbed the lube from the night-stand and with a few hasty strokes prepared his cock. Slowly, oh so slowly, he pushed into the virgin hole. So tight and so wonderfully hot, he felt like he was burning from the inside out. Finally he was completely inside the boy... and as close to heaven as a demon could get. He stroked Xander's cock as he started to move, wanting the boy to cum with him. His movements becoming more and more frantic as he felt his balls tighten, felt the pre-orgasmic tingle as his face switched to its true form. He roared as he came inside the boy, feeling his hand being coated with the warm liquid of Xander's semen.

Angelus struck like a snake, biting deeply into Xander's neck. The sweet, sweet blood flooded his mouth and all he could do was swallow the wonderful liquid. The taste...this was heaven. Far too soon he could hear Xander's heart laboring to beat and knew that it was time... or he would lose him. He ripped his tongue open on a sharp fang, then kissed the boy hard and long. His bleeding tongue deep in the moist cavern of Xander's mouth, Angelus forced him to drink the blood that had collected in his mouth.

Xander's heart fluttered and fell silent. The boy released his last breath with a sigh and then he died. Angelus stroked the cooling face of his newest childe, tracing the drying tear tracks, before he released his bonds. It was time to clean up the boy and settle him down for the day.

Tomorrow night he would awake as his childe and he would finally claim him as his mate.

***

He woke during noon the next day because of a scream. A scream full of horror and pain. Xander's scream. Angelus dashed out of his bedroom to find his childe standing in front of a mirror, a mirror that dutifully reflected the room... and Xander, in all his vampiric glory.

Xander looked up at him and there was so much pain in his eyes, so much horror and self-disgust that it made Angelus chest tighten. He stepped closer to soothe his distraught childe... a horrible mistake. With a sob Xander dashed out of his reach, eyes darting around like a captured animal, before he made a decision. He raced to a heavy curtained window and crashed through it. Into the sunlight.

Angelus stood there, stunned. His childe, his chosen mate had just committed suicide. And then he closed his eyes and howled with pain and loss.

*** end flashback ****

Angel remembered, all right. Angelus had gone a bit insane with his loss. The idiotic idea to send the world to hell had been born out of the apathy he had succumbed to after he had lost Xander.

It also was the real reason for his move to LA. He simply couldn't bare to be in the library, staring at the empty chair, where Xander used to sit. Couldn't live with the accusing looks of the other slayerettes... they might understand that Angel and Angelus weren't the same being. Yet the fact that they couldn't even bury Xander had been hard on all of them. Surprisingly it had been Cordelia, who was the first and only one who had been able to forgive him.

And now he was here, standing in this ratty old warehouse and his lost childe was standing in front of him.

He couldn't believe it, he had seen Xander run into the sunlight. He should be dead, but he wasn't.

Xander was alive.

"Xander." He repeated.

The eyes of the young man were glued to the floor, but he managed a shaky nod.

"You... you are alive... but I saw you... running into the sunlight... you should be dead... I mean... I thought..." He stuttered, unable to believe his eyes.

Xander turned to the girl, starting to make strange gestures with his hands. The girl turned to Angel. "Ghost says that the part of him that made him into the voice of heaven was forcefully woken when you turned him. It merged with his soul, caged his demon and made him literally undying. He said that he's tried everything to kill himself...," the voice of the girl hitched and she took a deep breath before she could continue, "... yet nothing could harm him."

On shaky legs Angel inched closer to the younger vampire. He knew he mustn't scare Xander into running again, wouldn't be able to stand him running away again. Even Angelus knew that they had to be very, very careful now, or they would lose him and so he had stopped his wailing and chain-rattling for the moment.

Angel's hand was visibly trembling when he reached out to touch. Xander's face was cold and he wouldn't look up, into Angels eyes. But that didn't matter now. All that was important was that he was here with him, alive.

"I thought you were dead." He whispered as he tried to memorize the lines of his childe's face. Breathing in the unique scent of Xander. "I thought I had lost you forever."

Xander's head bowed down and Angel could feel the cold tears of the young man wetting his fingers. At the same time Xander was gesturing with his hands again.

"Ghost wants to know why you didn't kill him. Why make him live with these memories forever?"

He stared at the girl, not really understanding what she was saying. But he could feel the boy in front of him starting to tremble violently and the tears were coming faster now. What did this mean? And why didn't Xander speak for himself?

The girl looked at him and realization hit her. "You don't know, do you? All this time he has tried to understand why, and you simply didn't know." Tenderly she guided the crying man aside, helping him to sit down. Then she gestured for Angel to follow her.

"You should know that Ghost is not very open about his past, he tries to forget it... But sometimes, when he is sad and his mental barriers are lowered, I can see images, snippets of his memories." The girl looked down, what she was about to say wasn't very easy for her. "Ghost's childhood wasn't very good. His father... his father used him as his toy, he took everything away from him, everything except his actual virginity... that you took from him."

He stared at her, wanting to deny what he had just heard. But he couldn't. Suddenly it all made sense. Xander's lack of fight as he had taken him, he must have been used to similar "games" with his father. The look of horror when he believed himself forced into an endless existence of... . He wanted to retch, he felt so dirty and his demon was furious, demanding the heart of the vile human as a present for his distraught childe.

But first he had to fix this. Nobody used Xander, not even he. He walked to the silent man, sat next to him.

"I'm sorry," he murmured in low tones. "I didn't know. I didn't want to make fun of you or hurt you." Angel started to rub Xander's back and after an endless moment of rigid fear Xander relaxed into the soothing movements. "I saw you... Angelus saw you... and we saw something unique. You were so pure and beautiful and so yourself. I... he... we wanted you as our mate, our eternal companion. But I was a coward and then I lost my soul and Angelus was impatient. He wanted you so badly and he took want he wanted. And it nearly destroyed you." Xander had started to cry again and Angel pulled him into a hug, slowly stroking his hair. Murmuring calming nonsense while his chest vibrated with almost subsonic purrs. Angelus had discovered the calming effect of those purrs a long time ago, when he had created Drusilla.

What had worked on his crazy childe, was working its calming magic on Xander as well. Slowly the boy calmed down, returning the hug and holding tightly onto him. It felt so good, so right. Angel let himself relax and before they even noticed, they'd both fallen into the deep sleep of the undead.

***

Feli looked at the intertwined figures and smiled. Both vampires had let down their emotional barriers and what she could feel from them was making her happy. Ghost was finally starting to heal and the other, Ghost's father/sire, he had been so confused at first but he would be good to Ghost now, would be good for Ghost. She could feel the deep love both felt for each other and she knew that soon Ghost wouldn't be alone anymore.

*****
Part 3:

*** later ***

Ghost slowly drifted back to consciousness. It was strange, but he felt good, really good. He hadn't had a single nightmare while he'd slept... something that didn't happen very often. Muzzily he looked around. His eyes stopped at the peacefully sleeping figure of Angel, who had wrapped himself halfway around him. Angel... Normally his vampiric sire had the starring role in most of his nightmares, yet now he felt safe in his arms. His greatest fears had been laid to rest. Finally.

Slowly he eased out of Angel's embrace. He had to check on the kids and he needed some time to think... alone.

Tenderly he stroked Felis check. She was sharing her blanket with Jenna and Mario, the newest additions to his group. A smile crossed his face, she was always the first to help the newcomers, she had done it for him as well.

He could remember his first weeks on the streets only all too well. Always close to starving, mute and apathetic, he had almost become a mindless wreck. One night he had saved a young girl from a young fledgling vampire, almost getting beaten up in the progress. But his old slayerette instincts hadn't allowed him to pass by without helping. The girl had been Feli and Feli had decided to stay with him. She was like a whirlwind. Only living on the streets for three months herself, she had forced him back into life. It was her, who had taught him how to use sign-language, she had opened his eyes, had made him care.

She was the one who had given him his new name. It had been a joke at first. Sometimes he forgot to make noise when he moved, appearing and disappearing seemingly from nowhere, so she had jokingly started to call him Ghost. The other kids followed her example and soon he was known as Ghost. He had been Ghost for the last two years... Xander had creased to exist. Yesterday had been the first time he had been called Xander since he had become a vampire. He rose from his squatting position. Angel... Angel would tell the others that he was alive, he knew that. But was he ready to become Xander again? Was he even able to become Xander again? He didn't know. He had changed so much, he wasn't even human anymore, yet he wasn't a "normal" souled vampire either.

"Xander?" He turned around surprised, he hadn't notice anyone coming. Angel looked a bit rumpled... and worried. Worried for him, he realized with a start.

"Xander, we need to talk."

He had expected this. He had been afraid of this. What could he do? How could he explain? Did Angel even know sign-language? He looked straight at Angel. 'Do you understand me?' His hands asked, but Angel just looked at him, puzzled. Ghosts hands dropped to his sides. How could he tell... how to make him understand? He tried again. One hand pointing at his throat he shook his head, willing Angel to understand the simple gestures.

***

Angel was shocked as he finally understood the meaning of Xander's gestures. "You... you can't speak, can you?" Xander shrugged, but nodded yes and he could see something like relief wash over his face. "But why...? How..?"

Xander's eyes dropped to the floor, ashamed, as a quiet sleepy voice behind him answered. "Heaven took his normal voice." He turned to the girl, who had acted as an interpreter the previous day.

"But why?" The girl looked to Xander, who was making several gestures. Finally she nodded and turned to him.

"Ghost can't accept himself. The part of him that makes him a vampire is suppressed by his soul. He tried to commit suicide several times. His self is fragmented and until now he hasn't been able to heal himself. He can sing, like no other being, it is part of his powers. But as long as his vampiric part hasn't merged with his soul, Heaven won't give him back his normal voice."

Angels thoughts raced. If Xander couldn't accept himself being a vampire, how could he accept him trying to become a part of his life again? His shoulders slumped as he realized that he might not be able to be with his childe again. Xander started gesturing again. "Ghost suggests a trade." "Trade?" What was the meaning of this? "Ghost says that he will anchor your soul to you, if you help him come to terms with his vampiric part."

This was a dream, right? It simply felt too good to be true, yet when he looked at Xander, his childe was smiling at him. One of the real smiles that Angel had missed so much. The smiles that made him melt inside.

Angelus was drawing his attention towards him, urging him to accept the deal. He wanted this too. Even if it meant that he had to share this body with the soul, even if he had to stay caged for the rest of his life, he liked this better than the thought of being separated from his chosen mate forever. Two years had been long enough. At least this way he could stay close to him. An answering smile lit Angel's face. "You got yourself a deal."

Xander's smile seemed to get a hundred times brighter. He opened his mouth, his eyes started to glow with an unearthly light... then he fell to his knees, his head clutched in his hands. "Oh." The girl said. "What happened?" Angel asked a bit confused. "He got a message from above." The girl pointed towards the ceiling. Oh indeed. Xander had stopped rubbing his forehead and had started to sign again. "Oh not so fast." The girl stopped talking, starting to gesture herself. He stood there, watching them speaking yet being absolutely silent.

Finlly Xander stopped and the girl turned to Angel again. "The message Ghost received was for you. It seemed that you are at a turning point and have to choose." Choose what?" "Your fate." She said simply. "There are two different possibilities. If Ghost sings for you, your soul will merge with your demon and you will become like Ghost... except for the voice part. You will be undying, but you will stay a vampire forever. If you choose for Ghost not to sing, you'll have to live with the fear of loosing your soul again, yet also with the real possibility of becoming human again."

He stared at her unbelieving. "Human?" She must be joking. "Human." She said earnestly. Human! He could become human again! For real, not just 24 lost hours. Living, he could really live, feel a heartbeat pulsing in his chest, sunlight and breathing and doing... doing a lot of things forever denied to Xander.

Angelus wailed in his mind, pleading with him not to choose this, knowing that he would be cast out of this body eventually, knowing that this choice would affect his already wounded mate deeply. //If you choose this way,// his demon shouted, //Xander will never be able to accept himself and he will never be able to speak again!// And he knew that Angelus was right. If he couldn't accept himself, how could he help Xander come to terms with his own demon? Anyway, who was he, that he deserved to become human once more? He turned to Xander. "Please, do it. I want you to anchor my soul."

Xander's face lit up like the sun, he closed his eyes and then he started to sing.

Angel had never, never heard anything like this before. It was so sweet, yet bitter, sad, but joyous... it was everything and more. He could feel the power building up.

Xander started to glow a soft golden light and then a wave of light flooded the room, submerging him.

Angelus screamed, as he was ripped forcefully out of the body, yet Angel wasn't listening... he was too busy screaming himself, for he too was forced to leave the body.

He was floating... they were floating, demon and soul hovering over the fallen, glowing body. They looked down at their body in surprise and then they looked at each other. For the first time they saw each other as they really were.

Angelus was beautiful, in a dark kind of way. Large black wings, a cat-like tail swishing around his legs, no ridges marring his face, but two slender silver horns poking out of a mass of black hair. He had yellow cat eyes, fangs and claws, but it looked natural on him.

Liam looked down at himself. As far as he could see he looked like himself, like his human self, just a bit more human than he could remember. He hadn't looked this pure as a human, had he? He turned his head, startled to find that he too, had wings, as large as Angelus', but gleaming white. //Angelus?// He asked, already knowing the answer. //Liam// the demon replied with a purr.

Tendrils of light started to flow around them, drawing them closer together, closer and closer. The light started to pulse, then there was a bright flash of light and they weren't anymore... only he. And he was Angelus, he was Liam, he was both and neither. He was the result of both of them merging. A souled demon, a demonic soul. Not demon, not human, but both. He stretched, then looked down to find out how he looked like now. It seemed that he had taken over most of his appearance from Angelus, yet the wings were Liam's. White. He smiled, feeling the fangs resting lightly against his lower lip. He was finally one. Now he truly was Angel.

With a flash he was back in his body. It felt strange not to share his body with another one, after all he had been two for a bit more than a hundred years. Strange, but good. He could get used to this... oneness.

Angel opened his eyes, looking around. Xander had stopped singing, was huddled on the floor in a small miserable heap. Angel could smell burning flesh... burning vampire flesh. He rushed to his childe's side, stopping short when he saw... burns, deep, ugly, painful burns. "How did that happened? He asked sharply, with a hint of a growl in his voice. Nobody hurt his childe!

"The music burns him. It happens every time he uses the voice." The young girl was busily putting ointment on the nastiest burns. "Why?" "Because the voice is holy. Holy things burn vampires, remember? And since he has not accepted the vampire inside him, the voice attacks his demon, burning him, but not killing him since he is undying. He heals and then he starts again, helping, using the voice, getting burned and healing."

He looked down at the young man. So much pain, how could he stand it? He didn't know, he only knew that he had to help his childe. Xander needed blood, fresh. Human was good, sire's blood was better. He nestled the boy in his arms, then he tore into his wrist, tasting his own changed blood. It was his now, no longer the stolen blood of another living being. He placed the bleeding wrist over Xander's mouth, gently urging him to drink. He felt the first, questioning licks and then, when Xander latched on the wound, the sucking motions that were so much like a mother nursing her child, so good, so right. Xander was his childe, his to take care of, his to nourish and to love. And when he looked into Xander's eyes, he saw, for the first time, a reflection of his emotions.

*****