No sound disturbed Xander and Angel as they lay together in silence, each thinking of the other, of what they had found. For a long time they lay, as outside the sun rose slowly and enveloped Sunnydale in its warmth, and their thoughts were untroubled. Occasionally Angel reached out to caress Xander, gently tracing the curve of his cheek, moving a strand of hair from in front of his lover's eyes so that he could gaze unobstructed into the deep, reflective pools he saw there.

Later, as the sun reached its peak outside, they stirred together, the need for movement seeping into their relaxed limbs. Neither wanted to interrupt the stillness, and they clung to each other affectionately as they moved from the bed. Angel walked with his arm around Xander's shoulder into the bathroom, and they stepped into the shower together, Xander making sure to adjust the temperature to suit him. It didn't matter to Angel one way or the other, and Xander envied him that lack of awareness of such transient things as temperature. And food, he thought, feeling an increasing emptiness in his belly.

They took turns caressing each other with thick lather, hands exploring where they had only recently been, still excited at the newness of the experience, not quite believing what was really happening. Their fingers caressed nipples and buttocks, and they giggled as one would playfully try to keep the other's hands from intimate places. From time to time they would collapse into each other's arms, kissing beneath the warm stream of water from the shower.

They used their tongues to follow natural curves from lips to neck, from neck to nipples, chest, and lower, the sound of soft moans intermingling with that of falling water. They rubbed each other gently with towels after they stepped out of the shower, turning each other slowly, admiring and still stealing touches, eyes aflame with new arousal.

They walked into the bedroom still arm in arm, neither wanting to lose for one moment the touch of the other. Xander climbed slowly across the bed, and Angel stared with renewed desire at his firm ass as it undulated across the sheets. Xander was teasing him, wanting to excite Angel's passion, and Angel was surprised at the new depths of feeling that erupted deep within him as he continued to stare at him.

As Xander relaxed on to the bed, smiling at Angel, there was the sound of footsteps approaching the door. Xander looked from Angel to the door, a look of panic on his face. He had forgotten about the world outside of the room, and he was jealous of any interruption to their new found happiness. Deeper within him was the awareness that his new-found love was still secret, and he wanted to deal with that in his own way. He did not yet know what 'his own way' would involve. As Angel moved to put on a pair of trousers, Xander slid beneath the blanket, pulling it up to his chest and leaning back into the pillow.

Someone knocked on the door with two short raps, and Angel smiled reassuringly at Xander as he moved to open the door.

'Buffy,' he said, and he paused briefly before stepping back from the door to let her into the room..

Xander shifted uncomfortably in the bed but fixed his 'Xander' grin on his face. 'Hey, Buff'.' He could not think of anything else to say at that moment, he was aware only of the panic in his chest as his heart beat quickened.

She walked up to him with a look of concern on her face. She was dressed in a pale summer dress covered with bright red cherries and she carried her bookbag on her back and held a small shopping bag in one hand.

'Hey you,' she said brightly, 'please tell me you're o.k.?' Xander's grin widened as relief and her genuine concern registered in him.

'I feel great,' he said, still smiling. 'What happened with Mr. Bad Guy last night? Did you manage to catch up with him after he took off?'

'No,' and a perplexed look crossed Buffy's face. 'You know, it was really weird how he was the first to take off and leave the others. I thought he was their leader, but he couldn't get away quickly enough.' She moved back towards the table in the room. 'I don't know what Giles will make of this, but knowing you haven't suffered any long term damage makes me feel a whole lot better about seeing him today.'

Angel remained near the door all the while they were talking. He was glad to see that the two friends were still comfortable with each other. He had been worried about Xander even as he had held the boy in his arms all morning. Xander, he knew, was too caught up in the newness of the experience, and while Angel was overjoyed at the feelings he had for Xander, he could not lose himself as much as the boy could.

'Speaking of permanent damage,' continued Buffy, 'I may have spoken too soon,' and she placed the shopping bag on the table. 'There's enough processed food here to bring any healthy organism to a grinding halt,' and she started to unpack, listing the contents as she did so.

'There's cornflakes and some of that milk that lasts, like, forever; Dorritos; marshmallows,' she continued, unloading more food than the small bag seemed capable of holding. 'Oh, and, ta-dahh!' and she raised something in her hand and smiled at him, 'chocolate!' She tossed the packet at Xander on the bed and he grinned and reached forward to catch it. As he did so the blanket fell from his chest down to his waist, and there was a moment's panic as he reached simultaneously for the chocolate and the falling blanket. His heart leaped to his mouth as he looked up, panic-stricken, but Buffy was back in the bag.

'That's pretty much it,' she said, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. 'Listen, I'm gonna head over to the library. I'm hoping Willow got there first and filled Giles in about last night.' She looked up at him and smiled quickly. 'I'll catch up with you later,' she said and turned as he said, 'Sure thing,' waving at her departing back. She smiled briefly as she passed Angel, who reached for the door at the same time that she did. She drew back as their hands almost collided on the door handle, and he said quietly, 'Buffy,' as she walked out of the room. He closed the door behind her and turned back to smile at Xander, who was smiling back at him in relief.

Buffy walked briskly away from the mansion, staring straight ahead of her as she went. She continued on, increasing her pace for a long while until she reached signs of life, when she visibly relaxed and chose an empty bench near the park to sit down. She stared for a long time into the middle distance, an inscrutable look on her face.

She felt a mixture of hurt confusion and anger, and an insistent but vague feeling that would not reveal itself to her. She thought of what she had just seen in the room. She had noticed immediately that Xander was naked in the crumpled bed when the blanket fell away from him, and as she quickly looked away she had also noticed two damp towels hanging together on a chair. Angel, who usually slept during the daytime, had obviously just put on his trousers to open the door. Although Buffy realized immediately what it all meant, she was too surprised to do anything more than leave as quickly as she could. She was shocked. That was for certain. She had never, never, imagined that Xander... Angel? There were too many emotions that she could not pin down. Angel did not belong to her, so she had no real claim on him, and this she admitted to herself. Things had pretty much run out of steam as far as they were concerned, but she still felt hurt, especially as they had both avoided speaking at length about their feelings. The cooler he seemed, the cooler she became, and they were each spurred on by their need to hide their true hurt, until too much emotional distance had come between them. There seemed no way to bridge the gap.

Xander. Xander and Angel. She was worried for her friend, genuinely so. She knew he had little, if any, experience of relationships, and starting on that messy merry-go-round with a vampire was probably not the best way for him to find his feet. Xander had no idea what he was dealing with, and although she remembered the happy look on his face as he sat in the bed, she could think only of how much pain lay ahead of him. Angel or no Angel. She remained sitting on the bench for a long while, until gradually the sounds of the day intruded into her thoughts and she jumped up, groaning as she thought of Giles waiting for her.

Back in their room, Xander and Angel were still smiling and playing with each other. 'Phew,' Xander said after Angel closed the door behind Buffy. 'That was close. You know, although you two aren't, you know, but all the same, God! Can you imagine how they would react if they found out?' Angel glanced up at Xander's choice of tense. Xander was still not thinking of the outside world of his friends that he would eventually have to return to, and Angel decided to wait a while longer before talking to him about it. Xander was so inexperienced, and he ached with the desire to reach out and touch him.

Xander was slowly eating the chocolate bar that Buffy had brought for him, and Angel held up a finger and said in a quick whisper, 'Don't move!' Xander's heartbeat increased and he froze in place, his mouth not moving. Angel leaned toward him, examining his face closely, and Xander stared at him in amazement as he stuck a tongue out and gently licked Xander's lips. 'You had a piece of chocolate right there,' he said, and licked Xander again. 'Close call.'

Xander stared at him and said earnestly, 'Thank you.' He broke off a piece of chocolate and put it between his teeth, looking at Angel, who gasped and said, 'Oh, no!' He leaned in again for another kiss, and the chocolate dissolved slowly in their mouths as their tongues and lips moved together. When the chocolate was completely gone they pulled slowly apart and stared at each other. 'You know,' said Xander, 'I'm very hungry, and there's a lot of food over there,' and he glanced at the table. 'I just want to warn you, you might be doing a lot of saving today.' Angel licked his lips and took another piece of chocolate which he placed between his own perfect white teeth. 'I might need some saving too,' he smiled as Xander grinned and moved slowly toward his mouth.

'My God will cast them away, because they did not hearken unto him: and they shall be wanderers among the nations.'

'Hello to you too, Giles,' and Buffy threw her bag on the table where Willow sat, surrounded by the usual pile of dusty books.

'Buffy! I see you've finally decided to grace us with your presence. May I remind you..' Giles paused as she held up a palm toward him and said in a tired voice, 'Giles, not today, o.k.? I'm a Slayer, I slay. You're a librarian, you', she searched for the right term, 'you do stuff. With books.' She looked at the dusty pile in front of Willow. 'So tell me, what have you guys come up with? Anything?'

'For your information, I'm also your watcher,' replied Giles in a slightly hurt tone of voice, 'and I wish you'd listen a little more often to what I have to say, instead of gallivanting all over town getting yourself into goodness knows what kind of trouble.' He paused and continued more evenly, now that he had said his piece, 'How's Xander? Willow told me what happened to him.'

'Xander is fine,' she said quietly. 'I just saw him.'

'Is he still at Angel's?' Willow asked, looking up, and she noticed the look on Buffy's face as she replied, not looking at her, 'Yeah, they're together.'

'Good,' Giles intervened. 'Now, the creature that attacked you last night, what exactly happened?

'Not much to tell,' said Buffy dismissively. 'He came, he saw, he ran away. It was like he wasn't really interested in fighting. I lost him.'

'You'd be surprised,' and Willow pushed a large brown book across the table toward Giles . Pointing at a drawing of the demon that had attacked them he said, 'My God will cast them away, because they did not hearken unto him: and they shall be wanderers among the nations. Hosea. Nine, seventeen.' Buffy stared at him blankly. 'And?'

'The creature that you encountered last night is a wandering demon. He goes by several names. The Hindus call him Raktavija, general of the demon army. Before Christ he was known as Abigor, demonic warrior. At one time he was the right-hand demon of The Evil One, but like all good demons he became a little too big for his boots and attempted to usurp his master's place. It was quite awful, really, from what I can tell from the little came down in the lore.'

'And when exactly was this?' Buffy was bored already. A demon was a demon was a demon. Big deal.

'Nearly a thousand years ago,' replied Willow. 'See, he was cast out of hell for being such a usurper,' and she glanced up at Giles, who nodded at her, and she continued. 'As punishment he was stripped of all his demon powers and forced to wander the earth for a thousand years. That's why he couldn't fight you last night. When his time is up, he'll have to return to hell. But he'll also have to return with a soul as an offering.'

'Well, if he's stripped of all his powers, how exactly does he plan to do that? What's he gonna do, walk up to someone and say, "Excuse me sir, fine day. Would you like a trip to hell?"'

'Precisely' said Giles, excitement in his voice, and Buffy looked at him, thinking that he may just finally have read one book too many. 'It says here, and the details aren't clear, but it seems that for a thousand years he has been trying to control one soul, following it through each incarnation, essentially to break its will, so that it will choose to return with him to hell.'

Buffy looked at him. 'Let me guess,' she said, and boredom dripped from her words, 'this demon is in Sunnydale because he needs the hellhole to get back. And, I'm thinking, seeing that he's here now, his time's pretty much up?'

'That would appear to be the case,' said Giles. 'Now, we need to find out exactly which soul he has in mind for his return. Tell me again exactly what happened last night. Who was he fighting with?'

'Well, me for one.'

'No, said Giles, 'there is no way that the demon could have survived the Slayer for a thousand years. He has no powers, remember? He relies purely on brute strength.'

'Well, they were really paying most attention to Xander,' Willow chimed in. 'They were fighting with me and Oz, but they seemed more interested in Xander. He got the worst of it.' She looked at Buffy, a worried look on her face. 'He's with Angel, right?' and Buffy nodded, a look of relief on her face. If there was anywhere Xander would be safe from a hell-bent demon, in Angel's arms is where he'd need to be, and she winced at the thought as it came into her mind.

'Well, good,' Giles continued. 'There is really nothing we can do at this stage. We don't know where this demon is hiding, nor do we know exactly when he has to return. In the meanwhile, I think it best if Xander remains with Angel for the time being. Better to be safe than sorry. The demon would cause a lot of havoc to distract you if you were watching over Xander. You can't be in two places at once, after all. Willow and I will continue to try to find out anything we can about him. You, continue as usual on your rounds, and keep an eye open for anything unusual.'

'More unusual than a demon?' And Buffy turned and walked off before he could reply. Fine. They could sit in the library and read, Xander could cuddle up with her, with his boyfriend, and she'd just go hang with the undead. It all sounded a little too ridiculous to her. Xander's will, such as it was, was not close to breaking. He was the only one who would find it all as amusing as she did, and she suddenly wanted to see him. Not the 'Xander and Angel' Xander, but her old friend Xander, who understood just how odd Giles and his ideas could be.

****
Part 5:

'Xander?' Angel gently squeezed the young man lying curved in his arms.

'Hmm?' came the sleepy reply? Xander never wanted to leave the safe comfort of Angel's arms.

'You said earlier that you don't remember dreaming last night,' and he felt Xander's body tense lightly as he held on to him. He drew him closer and continued, 'Are you sure you don't remember anything at all?'

Xander stirred and turned around in the bed to look into Angel's eyes. 'I did dream,' he said finally. 'It came back to me slowly, and only in pieces. It's a dream I've had before, lots of times. I'm running and can't catch up. The usual stuff,' he shrugged and looked at Angel's chin as he said it.

'I had a dream too,' said Angel. 'I dreamed that I was walking along a path, I was hunting. Then I caught sight of something, and it was in danger. I had to cross over to the other side to save it.' He moved his head so that he could look into Xander's eyes. 'I caught it in my arms,' he said, and Xander gasped audibly. Angel could feel the shiver that ran through his lover's body, and he hesitated about whether or not to continue. He decided that now was the best time, while Xander was still relaxed with him, while he had his undivided attention.

'Xander, I think we met in our dreams last night,' and he continued before he could be interrupted. 'I felt your fear, the panic in your heart. Your being was crying out for someone, and I was there.' He stroked Xander's hair with his hand as he spoke. 'But I was looking for something too. It wasn't about saving you. It was about finding that one thing that I could care for enough, something worth leaving the usual path for. I don't know what it means, Xander. Frankly, it's a little scary. I have one path in life, and it's one I have walked for a long time. I don't know,' and here Angel paused. 'I don't know what it is that I'm supposed to learn from this.'

Angel looked again at Xander, and he could feel him withdrawing from him internally, like a flower closing its petal gently in the dark. 'I'm glad that I have found you,' he said. 'I'm glad that I was there for you, I'm glad that you were there for me. When I hold you, touch you, just as when I held on to you in the dream, something inside me comes to rest.'

Xander looked at him. 'You know,' he said quietly, 'I look around me, and I see everyone else getting on with their own lives. That's good, you know? I don't envy them their happiness, because they are my friends. Buffy has her Mom, and her Slayer thing going on. Willow has Spike, and her folks. I've got folks, but they are nothing like anyone else's that I know. We hardly speak any more. They are cold hearted people,' he continued. 'You know, the last time I saw my parents, you know what they said? Well, my dad told me to go to hell. My Mom just watched as he shouted at me. She never has anything to say either way. She drinks a lot. Which I can understand, if I was married to a bully like him I'd probably do the same.'

Xander's voice grew steadily quieter as he continued to speak, and now he came to a halt. Angel leaned forward and kissed his forehead, and Xander leaned his head into his shoulder, breathing in the cool scent of his lover's skin. He never wanted to smell any other scent as long as he lived. With Angel stroking his back he said finally, 'I just want something of my own, you know. A thing, I don't know what.' He didn't want to say 'someone'; he had suffered too many knocks in his life, and that part of his soul that waited patiently for a lover was too scared to come into the light and show itself. He gave enough for friendship, but the soul knows that completion is possible with another, and it waits. An eternity, if that is what it takes.

Angel felt grateful to Xander. He knew that it was painful for the boy to speak of his life, and because Angel had sensed all that Xander told him before he opened his mouth to speak, he knew how much courage he had shown. It was also a sign of the trust that Xander had in him.

'Xander, I think we should take this one step further.' Angel saw a fire in Xander's eyes as his interest was aroused. 'I think we should try to find out exactly what the dream was trying to tell us, why now, why here?' Xander looked at Angel blankly. He could not imagine what he had in mind. A shrink? He was also afraid. The terror of the dream had seeped back into his memory and it was not something he was eager to relive. Angel sat up in the bed and looked down at him. 'Do you trust me Xander?' and Xander looked up at him and said simply, 'You caught me.'

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daylight withdrew imperceptibly from the edges of the curtains and the logs burned brightly in the fireplace as Angel moved about the room. He took two bowls from a shelf, then small paper packets from a drawer. Xander watched him intently, and Angel moved toward the fireplace. He placed the two bowls on the stone hearth and poured water into them. He opened the packets and sprinkled what looked like herbs into them, mixing them into the water with a short wooden spoon. He placed each bowl on a griddle on each side of the fireplace, removed the water and the packets to a table and returned to stand in front of the fireplace. He reached out a hand towards Xander, who stood up and walked over to where the outstretched arm awaited him.

Angel placed a blanket on the floor in front of the fireplace and motioned to him to sit down, and Xander could feel the warmth of the fire on his naked skin. Angel knelt in front of him and took his face in his hands, looking into his eyes. He smiled reassuringly at him, and leaned down to kiss him once again. It was a pleasure he took every opportunity to indulge. Angel turned to the fire and removed the two bowls, faint wisps of steam rising from the warm liquid in them. He placed the bowls on the floor between them and stirred them once more with the spoon then picked up one bowl and placed it in Xander's hands. He picked up the other and held it up.

'Drink this slowly,' he said, lifting his bowl to his face. Xander held the warm bowl for a few seconds before raising it slowly to his lips, his eyes on Angel's face. He tasted the liquid tentatively. It was not very interesting. There was the scent of herbs, again. Angel seemed to have a bowl for every occasion and herbs for every need. Was this, like, a gay obsession?

Xander sipped his drink until it was completely finished and placed the bowl on the floor. Angel reached forward to take his hands in his, and the firelight on his usually pale skin gave him a golden glow. Light danced around him, sparkling in his hair, in his eyes. He seemed to be filling up with light, and Xander stared unsurprised. This was totally natural to him.

He hardly noticed when Angel stood up and walked to kneel behind him and started rubbing his shoulders gently. His hands were warm. Xander could feel the light from Angel's hand seeping into his skin as he massaged his shoulders.

Angel raised one hand and with the base of his palm he struck Xander firmly between the shoulder blades. Xander heard a loud clap of thunder.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grey.

Mist.

Half-light.

My eyes are open where am I?

I am alone I am everything everything is me. There is nothing. I am alone.

Silence.

I am silent silence is me I am in silence. I cannot see there is nothing to see.

I wait.

Mist.

Time passes. There is no time I move in it it moves in me it washes over me.

Stillness.

It comes.

I sense it approach. Out of reach. Out of sight. It is there.

I cannot see it. I know it is there.

I move it moves.

What are you? I speak but do not speak. What are you? comes back to me.

What do you want? What do you want? It has no voice yet speaks to me.

I move it moves. I sense it.

Show yourself to me. Show yourself to me.

I move it moves. There is no need for movement. It is with me. I move it moves.

I am. I am.

Silence.

Mist.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thunder, and Xander opens his eyes. Angel's arms are around his shoulders. Angel is weeping.

Xander feels empty. He feels Angel but does not worry. 'Angel is crying,' Xander thinks. 'The light danced in him.'

Angel sits holding Xander until the fire is close to its end. They do not move.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy takes a deep breath and knocks at Angel's door. She is nervous. Stepping through the open door will involve a journey greater than the short walk into the room. They are all on a journey, and they are reaching an important stage, individually and as a group. They are all nervous, for their own reasons.

'Hi. I need to speak to Xander,' looking past Angel as he opens the door. Short, but at least she was here.

'Come in.' He steps out of the room behind her, closing the door gently as he leaves.

Xander sits in a chair in front of the dead fireplace. He stares vacantly into the emptiness where the fire had burned brightly not long ago.

Buffy stands in silence and looks at her friend, who seems unaware that Angel has left or that she has entered the room.

'Xander?' He looks up at her voice but seems to be looking from a great distance, as if he does not recognize her. 'Xander, are you o.k.?' She cannot hide the concern in her voice. She walks over to him and touches his shoulder gently.

'Xander, what's the matter?' He looks up at her and this time she is sure he knows her.

'Buffy, I am stuck. I have to make a choice, but I don't know what it involves. I have to move on to something new, but something else is stopping me.'

'Wanna vague that up for me?' she says with an attempt at humour, but she cannot keep the deep sadness out of her voice. She hates, hates, to see her friend like this. If he wants Angel, then she wishes them well. She touches his shoulder and leans over to whisper in his ear.

'Xander, what will make you happy?'

'I don't know,' and she can hardly hear his reply as he stares once again into the cold empty fireplace.

'I have to speak with you.' They stood outside the bedroom door. Angel nodded at her. 'O.k.'

Great. What was it with men? Especially the strong and silent ones. Never giving anything away. Always waiting for you to open up before they would even think of giving you a hint of what they were feeling.

'It's about Xander,' she said. 'I don't know what's going on between you, and really, I don't want to know right now. But he doesn't look too happy. He seemed so much better earlier on. Why the change?'

Angel looked at her as she spoke. He gratefully accepted her acknowledgment of what had passed between him and Xander. He had never for one second thought that it had escaped her attention.

'It's complicated,' he said, and could not suppress a smile as she gave him, rightly, a look that said simply, 'Duh!'

'He has bad dreams, and we somehow crossed paths during the night. It was heavy. I took him on a dream quest to seek out his demon. He's still dealing with it.'

Buffy looked at him sharply. 'What demon?'

'It's a figure of speech. He is afraid of something, and it seems to be getting worse. There's no explanation why this should be happening now.' Especially as we have just found each other, he thought to himself.

'Well, Giles has this idea that there is a demon after Xander,' and Angel could feel a tightness in his chest and he looked toward the bedroom door. Buffy explained all that Giles had told her about the demon. Angel relaxed visibly as she continued. If he was with Xander at all times, then there was little chance of any harm coming to him.

'He should stay here with you,' she said. 'I think it's best for him right now. I'll keep on looking for this demon. He must be around somewhere. I just need to know when he is planning his return. Giles and Willow are working on it.'

'Good.' Angel looked at her. He felt the need to say more. This protracted silence was not good for either of them. He could not think of what it was he wanted to say. He was distracted by thoughts of Xander alone in the room, and his overriding desire was to go back in there and hold him.

Buffy understood the conflicting emotions that were running through Angel. There would always be time later. It was still too soon. Xander was in no state to deal with anything right now, and she remembered the look on his face as she had left him a few minutes ago. Yes, there was time enough later on for whatever they had to say.

'You should go back in there,' she nodded at the door. 'I'll keep you posted,' she said.

'Thank you, Buffy.'

'Look after him,' she said, and she smiled at him briefly then turned and walked away.

*****