< > for lyrics
( ) for thoughts

*****

When the VCR stopped, Faith studied intently the silvery object in her hand. He had arranged everything for her, just like a loving father would. She considered it ironic that the only being in the world who had cared for her wasn't even human but a demon. It was true, he had been 'her father', and she felt it was her place to avenge his death. Even if his murderer was Buffy Summers. (B... It's always been you... )

Rageous tears filled her eyes when she realized she couldn't bring herself to kill the older slayer. It'd be better if someone just ripped her heart out since the mere thought of a bloody Buffy ached so much. (But I have to, that's what 'he' woulda liked... Damn!)

Angry because the flow wouldn't wash away the pain, she threw everything onto the bed and started fishing for her cd player (I hope the fucking thing's still here.) About ten minutes later of practically tearing the place apart she found it hidden in the corner of a drawer. (Oh there you are. C'mere babe and make me dance...) Now she had to find suitable music for her moods and in the current state of her apartment it wasn't going to be easy.

Luckily for her, and the rest of the place, she found the one she wanted rather soon. Checking for it to have batteries she smiled noticing they were still there. Putting the cd on she hit play and walked to the window. The first song was good but not good enough to calm her. She hit the FF button until the sound of sighs and moans mixed with percussions and guitars reached her ears. (Yeah, that's it...) It continued until the voice of the singer could be heard.

< I would die for you
I would die for you >

(I almost did, didn't I? Too bad you thought you were doing the 'right' thing... Saving Soulboy and all... Shit B!)

< I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine >

(Eight fucking months in that bed! I was certainly dying... And those dreams. What do you think they meant, huh? I told you things, that's true but you're so exaspering sometimes... Oh look I used a big word here. For a goddamn slayer you're stupidly blind!)

< I will cry for you
I will cry for you >

(Sure as hell you don't think I'm capable of the act,) Smug face. (I made sure of that. To you and your bunch of butt-kissers friends I'm anything else than a psycho. I am, but psychos do feel y'know?)

< I will wash away your pain with all my tears
And drown your fear >

(Ungrateful bitch! When I arrived to Sunnydale you had the chance to lead your insipid social life without remorse. I made you stronger. The Chosen Two. With me you had no fear, I defeated it for you...)

< I will pray for you
I will pray for you >

(The nights we patrolled together were the best in my life y'know? I had someone who trusted me with their life, who depended on me to keep going. And I hoped and hoped and hoped I'd be good enough for you and you'd let me in your heart someday...)

< I will sell my soul for something pure and true
Someone like you >

(Stupid me... How could I ever entertain myself with thoughts of B falling for me? You were interested I can tell but your 'status' wouldn't let you go all down and dirty with me. Not Buffy 'Holier-Than-Thou Summers!' And Faith... Fuck Faith!)

< See your face every place that I walk in >

(I still do. It's the first image popping into my mind in the morning and the last I see as I get lost in dreams at nights. Yet sometimes you come into them too.)

< Hear your voice every time that I am talking >

(Did you know that's partly why I turned out like this? Hearing you 24/7 would turn anyone crazy, both of love and anger...)

< You will believe in me >

(I used to think you'd believe anything that'd come out of my mouth. You're so fucking gullible! Now you're swallowing what your 'friends' feed on you. 'Faith's a bitch...' 'Faith tried to kill me...' 'Faith must be stopped...' But do they ever wonder why I did what I did? NO!)

< And I will never be ignored >

(Just ask Red. Or X-man. Or your mommy dear... Faith's a name they'll remember for the rest of their lives. You know you won't forget me either, even if you try...)

< I will burn for you >

(In Hell? Seeing you suffering because of some dick made me furious. I was right fucking there! I'd have done anything for you. Even die an honorable death in Sunnyhell! Ha!)

< Feel pain for you >

(And I did. All those times when you went dancing or to your stupid slumber parties I had to stay behind and patrol. I got kicked, chased, captured and tortured for you, instead of you. I suffered so you'd have a 'normal' life...)

< I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
And tear it apart >

(Why not? You already plunged a knife in my gut, my OWN FUCKING KNIFE! With those instincts of yours it'd be just fitting...)

< I will lie for you >

(I did. I even lied to you...)

< Beg and steal for you >

(Me aproaching the 'dark forces' was partly because of that. I wanted badly to make up to you. I had to find the way. I had to be worthy...)

< I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
You're just like me >

(You are in denial. We're the same. We're two pieces of a whole. How can you dare to say we're nothing alike? You tried to kill me! Homicidal me? What about you? But you had reasons to? I so fucking had mine too...!)

< Violate all the love that I'm missing >

(You took advantage of me. I had no experience in feeling stuff department. You made me believe I was loved and when I needed you the most you gave me a mortal stab - literally.)

< Throw away all the pain that I'm living >

(It may mean nothing for you but in my mind I had pictured you like a fucking saint. You were the one for me. You'd make me forget about my past. You'd become my future... You cunt!)

< You will believe in me >

(Stupid B. Stupid ME!)

< And I can never be ignored >

(But as long as I live you'll pay for it all. For ripping my heart out and stomping on it as Angelus fucked you from behind... For killing my fricking 'Dad'!)

< I would die for you >

(I don't care now. If I have to die to get through your thick skull, I will...)

< I would kill for you >

(If I have to sweep the Scoobies from the face of Earth so you'd be with me, I will...)

< I will steal for you >

(I'd rather steal you. Bring you along with me...)

< I'd do time for you >

(Ha! Right at the moment I have all the time in the world... Things coulda been different...)

< I would rape for you >

(Whoever who fancies as your friend or lover or whatever will suffer if they stand in my way. And you're so fucking predictable B: if they suffer so you do...)

< I'd make room for you >

(Would you do the same for me? You'd say no but I wouldn't be so sure. We both will...)

< I'd sail ships for you
To be close to you >

(I wanted to be with you badly. I still do. But you have other ideas. Lucky me I'm getting some too. Go on with 'your' life B, enjoy every second of it. You might miss it later...)

< To be a part of you >

(Thank you Boss! I'll make good use of your last gift. They won't so fucking expect it...) A deep chuckle came out of her throat. From her point of view whoever who said vindictive feelings weren't good was wrong.

< 'Cause I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you >

(Oh yeah B. I think you'll come after me. That's what you're supposed to do. And when we meet again... I'll just let it happen...)

When another song started she frowned. No other fitted her as the last one. Walking back to bed she placed herself on it, got comfortable, closed her eyes and hit the back button. And again, dark thoughts assaulted her head.

THE END.