*****
Prologue

Spike watched as the Slayer sucked on her cherry lollipop, making a smacking sound as it left her mouth.

"O, fruity!" She exclaimed cheerfully and gave him a big smile. Spike just shook his head at the twenty-five year old woman who acted the same way she had acted ten years ago. She was a wonder.

Buffy swung her legs as she sat beside him on the high wall surrounding the cemetery and let her tongue swirl over the lollipop. She was clearly enjoying its flavor.

"So sweet Slayer, how long are we going to sit here?" Spike asked her, picking out a pack of cigarettes from his duster and carefully putting one between his lips before he stuffed the pack back in his pocket. He pulled out a lighter and lit his cigarette, happily taking a deep drag.

"Oh eww!" Buffy exclaimed, waving her little hand to expel the smoke he sent her way. Spike chuckled. She always acted the same way.

"I'm sure some dead guys will decide to come along." Buffy said, pouting as she continued to suck and lick at her rapidly disappearing cherry lollipop. "In the meantime, we can have a nice girl chat."

Spike snorted and rolled his eyes. Buffy rammed her elbow in his side and he almost fell over. The vampire gave her a deadly glare, causing the Slayer to giggle. She knew what was coming. As his torturing fingers started to tickle her she writhed, screaming with laughter.

"Please. . .No! I give up!" She screamed as tears of laughter ran down her face. Spike smiled his best victory smile and helped her to sit up straight.

"Oh, I lost my lollipop! Look, it's on the *bloody* ground!" She said, using a British accent that according to Spike - was so bad that it sucked more than he ever had during his whole unlife, and looked at him accusingly.

"It's just as well, don't want you to become fat now, pet." Spike said. He heard her gasp and grinned as her palm connected with his cheek. After all these years he was used to it. Still grinning, he let the ashes from his cigarette fall on her new white skirt.

"Spike!" She nearly growled. He laughed and she sighed, giving him a look that said 'I forgive you this time, but do it again and you're history'.

"So what do you want to talk about, pet?" Spike asked her, putting an arm around her small shoulders. Buffy leaned her head against his leather-clad shoulder and sighed.

"I went to see Willow and Oz yesterday." She said, playing with his duster.

"Yeah? Stop bloody poking at me!"

"I'm not!" Buffy said, poking him as hard she could. Spike glared at her but his lips turned up in a smile. Buffy grinned but her expression rapidly became grave and downhearted. "They're having a baby."

"You're bloody kidding me? Again? They must be going at it like bunnies those two. I wonder." Spike said, trailing off. He looked down at the Slayer who had her eyes closed. A fresh tear decorated the tip of her eyelash.

"Oh, sweet baby." He whispered softly, kissing the top of her head.

"He said he wanted me to have a normal life, Spike." Buffy sobbed. "God, I've watched my friends move on with their lives. Marriage, children, all the things that he wanted me to have. All I don't have and never will have. God, Spike, all *I* ever wanted was *him*. All I wanted was to live with him for as long as I possibly could. To cherish our love."

"I know, sweetheart." Spike whispered, his hand stroking hers soothingly. "He's a downright bastard for leaving you."

Buffy stayed quiet, her mind filled of memories of her and Angel together. He had always been so caring. So careful to not hurt her, but somehow he always failed.

"I miss him." She said and Spike held her closer to him.

"I know, luv. So do I."

They looked at each other, smiling sadly but knowingly. Angel wasn't exactly a person you easily forgot despite how much you tried.

"Bleeding arsehole, he is." Spike said and Buffy giggled. "You know what, precious? Why don't we go find him?"

"What?" Buffy exclaimed.

"Well, a trip away from this hellhole could do us both some good. It's not like there's no vampires for you to slay elsewhere." Spike began. "Besides I haven't seen the ol' man for ages."

"I don't know. What would Giles say?" Buffy said, biting on her lower lip.

"Ha! He's too busy shagging the whelp to even notice."

"Spike! Gosh." Buffy trailed off. She really didn't want to comment on Xander and Giles' relationship. She had decided a long time ago that it wasn't any of her business and thank heavens for that!

"Maybe you're right." She said and scowled at him when he snickered. "I *mean* that the trip would be good for us. We could get drunk in bars and start fights with the demon population."

"A woman of my own heart." Spike replied, jumping off the wall. Buffy followed him and they headed through the graveyard.

"Think he will be happy to see me?" She asked the blonde vampire walking beside her.

"I bet he'll even get a happy when he lays eyes on you, sweet thing." Spike said and Buffy laughed, blowing him a kiss. Spike grinned and continued to walk. He heard a cry of pain from behind him and stopped cold, turning around quickly.

Buffy was lying on the ground, clutching her stomach. Blood covered her white top and skirt and she was staring wide-eyed at her bloody hands. He was kneeling at her side in a few seconds. He pressed his palm against her stomach and looked into her panic-filled eyes.

"I'm dying." She croaked out, tears in her hazel eyes.

"No, baby. It's just a little cut." Spike lied, pulling her top out of her skirt. His eyes fell to the nasty wound on her stomach and he closed them for a moment.

"I. . .I'm scared. I'm scared! Please, Spike. Please."

Spike looked at her, not knowing what she was asking of him. Buffy grasped his hand and he could feel the bones break. He hushed her, pressing his palm against the wound, feeling the blood trickle between his fingers.

"I'm not ready to die!" The Slayer cried and Spike tilted his head, looking at her with love shining in his blue eyes. His face was twisted in sorrow.

"You're not going to *die*, Slayer." He said, his face morphing into the face of the demon.

"Don't you lie to me. Not now! Not when it matters." Buffy cried out, her head lying heavily on the grass. She coughed, pulling him closer to her face. "Will you go to him? If he still. . .cares. . .tell him I never stopped loving him."

"Of course he still cares, Buffy." Spike told her, stroking her chin. His fingers left a crimson trail. Buffy held his cold hand against her cheek and cried.

"If he. . .has found someone else. . .tell. . . tell him I'm happy for him."

Spike nodded, trying to smile. There was never a question of whom *he* was.

"And. . .and let him know. . . that I have never loved anyone. . .like I loved him. Never!" Buffy whispered, her vision starting to blur.

"Spike, I'm so scared." She sobbed.

"I've got you. I've got you, luv." Spike whispered and pulled her into his arms. Buffy smiled.

"You're a good vamp." She told him, patting his knee weakly. Spike held back a sob and managed to smile.

"And you, my love, are a great Slayer. The best." Spike said and burst into tears. "And the best friend I'll ever have."

"Sshh." Buffy hushed him. "Too late to use flattery to get into my pants *now*."

Spike chuckled, kissing her forehead. "I love you, sweet Slayer."

He looked lovingly down at her, seeing her dead eyes staring back. He let out a roar, so filled with sorrow, he felt like he was dying all over again. He held her lifeless body in his arms as he looked out into the starry night, making demonic noises of grief and pain. His only friend was dead and gone forever.

*****
Part 1:

Spike looked down at his hands and sighed. This was eating him up alive.

"How could you fail to see who attacked her? How could you be so *dense* that you. . ." Giles screamed. Xander took hold of the older man's arm, trying to calm him down.

"I was too bloody busy trying to keep her *alive*, you pillock!" Spike growled, tiredly.

"Please! Please, stop!" Willow began, walking between them. "This is not the right time to argue about this. I mean, *goddess*, she's. . .she's getting buried today."

The redheaded witch burst into tears, hugging her crying three-year-old boy close to her. Oz came quickly, carrying their one-year-old girl on his arm. He kissed Willow's cheek, and gave the other men an angry look. He led his family out of the house.

Giles stood quietly, Xander rubbing his back in a gesture of support. Spike looked up at them and held back a sob. They had each other but whom did he have? Who could he talk to about how he had felt when he watched his only friend die? Who could he talk to about all the memories he had shared with her?

"I'm leaving tonight." He said, finally speaking up. Xander was the only one to look at him.

"You're going to try to find Angel." It wasn't really a question.

Spike nodded. "Yeah. And I don't think I'll ever come back here."

"Good." The Watcher said dryly, leaving the room. Xander watched his lover go and smiled apologetically at Spike.

"Um, he doesn't really mean that."

"Oh yes, he most certainly does." Spike said, looking at the younger man. Xander just shrugged his shoulders and reached his hand down in his pocket.

"Here." He said, pulling out the Claddaugh ring Buffy had worn until the day she died, and handing it to Spike.

"I thought. . .Deadboy, might want it. You know, as a memento." Xander said, scratching his head. Spike just watched him tiredly. The young man swallowed and then reached over to give the vampire a brief hug.

"Well, don't get staked, Blondie." He said and then quickly left the room.

"Yeah." Spike said, as he heard the two lovers leave for the funeral. He looked down at the ring and sighed. No, he wouldn't get staked. Not before he had seen his Sire for the last time.

*****
Part 2:

When the night had fallen, the vampire stood at the freshly dug grave of Buffy Anne Summers. He smiled, remembering how many times he had made fun of her name and how she had always made him pay for it one way or another. She had truly been a piece of work.

Spike touched the heart shaped gravestone.

"Rest in peace, my love. Heal your broken heart. Now you have forever to do so." Spike said, wiping away the tear that ran down his cheek. He kissed the red rose he had brought for her and laid it in front of the gravestone.

He stared down at the grave and then looked up, seeing the branches of an oak move in the wind. He tilted his head, feeling the soft wind touch him, and sighed. If Buffy had still been alive, she would have insisted that this night was perfect for a picnic in the graveyard. They would have drunk wine and read each other poetry and talked for hours.

Oh, sweet hell, he missed her!

Spike spun around, running out of the cemetery and away from her grave. He couldn't stand it anymore. He had to get out of this place. Every centimeter of the town of Sunnydale reminded him of her. Hell, if he was really quiet, and if he stood perfectly, still he could still feel her presence. Hear her laughter in the wind. Smell the faintest trace of the vanilla that she always left behind.

Haunted, Spike threw himself into his car, hit the gas and drove as fast as he could out of the place that had been his home for some many years. Out of Sunnydale.

*****
Part 3:

Spike was drunk when he finally found the new home of his Sire. He was also pretty battered, having to beat a couple of demons up to gleen the exact whereabouts of his Sire. But the physical pain he felt was minimal.

He just stared up at the tall building, hesitating. He put his hand in his pocket and fingered the ring that rested there. He actually pouted and he remembered how he had done that in front of Buffy, and how she had laughed at him and his pout. He had been so pissed off at her and she had taunted him for days. He would never have thought that he would once treasure those moments.

Sighing, he lifted his fist and pounded on the door. One minute later the door opened and his Sire stood in front of him, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Spike? Is that you?" Angel asked, astonished.

"Yeah, what? You don't recognize me? It's not like I've grown any older." Spike said, looking his Sire up and down. He almost felt like pinching him to see if he was real. Hell, he hadn't seen him in years.

"No, it's just that. . . It's been a long time since I've seen you, boy. Come here." Angel said, pulling his childe into his arms for a hug. Spike found his face pressed against his Sire's chest and he inhaled the familiar scent that belonged only to Angel.

"That's enough, peaches." He finally said, pulling away and feeling a lump in his throat. Angel frowned and then grinned at him.

"You're not in trouble again, are you?"

Spike stared up and into the chestnut eyes of his Sire and then promptly burst into tears. He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to hit Angel because he was alive and healthy and had never taken the time to come and see him and Buffy when he must have known how much they had missed him. He also wanted to hug and kiss him, to know that he still had his Sire and that he wasn't completely alone, even though it *felt* like he was.

"Spike? What's wrong, boy?" Angel's strong arms went around him. Spike tried to speak but could only get out muffled sobs. Angel frowned worriedly and lifted him up in his arms and carried him up the stairs and into the living room. He put down his childe on the couch and pulled him close, purring soothingly.

"Spike, I need you to tell me what's wrong. Are you in pain?" Angel asked. His voice was urgent. Spike shook his head. His heart was broken in pieces, and *that* hurt like hell but that wasn't the answer his Sire was searching for.

"Is someone else hurt? Has. . .has anything happened to Buffy?" Angel asked, his grip on his childe's upper arms hardening. Spike swallowed and opened his mouth. At first no sound came out but then he managed to create the words.

"She's dead, Sire. She's dead."

Angel froze, his eyes searching for another answer in Spike's blue eyes. He shook his head, his lips parted in utter shock.

"No! She can't be." Angel said. "I would feel it if she was. I would feel it *here*." Angel touched his chest, where his dead heart lay.

Spike tried to touch his Sire but the older vampire pulled away and stood up, walking over to the window.

"She's dead. I. . . I watched her die." Spike said. An animalistic roar shook the windows of the apartment and Spike winced, staring, frightened, at his Sire. He watched as the older vampire tore apart the place, not trying to stop him.

"Sire." He whispered eventually. Angel spun around to face him. Spike gasped as the older vampire came running towards him.

*Oh God! He thinks I offed her and now he's going to bloody kill me!* Spike thought.

Angel's arms went around his waist and Spike watched as the growling, sobbing, vampire put his head in his lap. Spike's hands were shaking as he put them on his Sire's shoulders and kept them there. He didn't know what to say, so he just sat there, letting Angel feel his presence as the older vampire cried.

Eventually Angel looked up, tears drying on his face and Spike looked down at him sadly.

"I want to see her." Angel said, standing up.

"Angel. . .She's already buried." Spike said and watched his Sire wince.

Angel began to pace the room and then suddenly went over to a table and picked up his car keys.

"Spike, I've got to see her. So I can know for sure that she is. . ." Angel trailed off, holding back a sob.

"All right, peaches, I'll go with you."

*****
Part 4:

Once again Spike found himself at his and the Slayer's favorite cemetery. He watched Angel sink down to his knees in front of the gravestone, tracing the inscription of his lover's name.

"Oh God! She's really dead, isn't she?" Angel wailed in anguish. His voice was a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, she is." Spike replied, sighing when Angel started to dig with his bare hands. "Mate. . . No, please, don't! Let her rest in peace."

"I need to see her! I need to fucking see her one last time!" Angel growled, his eyes golden as looked at his childe. Spike only nodded and went to get the shovel that one of the gravediggers' had left against a tree. He offered to do the work but Angel ripped the shovel from his hands and started to dig furiously.

After awhile they were staring down at the brown casket.

Angel jumped down into the grave and ripped open the casket, crying out when he saw Buffy's pale and lifeless body. Spike looked away.

"Oh God! Oh God, please!" Angel cried, lifting her up from the casket. He stroked her cold, pale cheek and screamed out his sorrow.

Spike, unable to watch anymore, staggered away from the grave, sitting down against a near by tree.

Angel carefully laid Buffy down on the ground beside the grave and jumped up, gathering her lifeless form in his arms. He stroked away a blonde strand of her hair and rocked her.

"Buffy." He whispered and touched her cold pale lips with his fingertips.

Spike watched him silently.

"You were my life. . . my only reason to live on." Angel told his dead lover softly before he started to cry silently. He continued to rock her while murmuring her name.

Two hours later he allowed Spike to take her from his arms and put her back in the casket. Spike quickly filled the grave and replaced the rose he had given Buffy earlier. He turned towards his Sire who was staring blankly at him.

"Hey, peaches. It's time to move on now. The sun's coming up."

Angel remained silent but let his childe lead him out of the cemetery and into the car. The journey back to Angel's apartment was as quiet as the grave they had left behind.

*****
unfinished