*****

"I don't see why I have to patrol with the fangless wonder."

Xander and Spike was in the danger room at the back of the Magic Shop. Spike was beating the life out of the heavy sack while Xander sat on the floor reading a comic book. Giles had stuck his head in to announce that as soon as Buffy arrived they would go on patrol. Buffy and Willow in one group, Xander and Spike in the other. Giles was staying behind to continue researching the latest prophecy. After the announcement the watcher had wisely ducked out again before the old argument would begin.

"It's not like I can't hold my own. I have you know that I have dusted my fair share of vampires. I've been doing this for years, but noo. 'Can't let Xander get hurt. Why don't you stay behind Xander.' I know that I'm the only one without superpower in the group, but that's no excuse making me baby-sit the biteless bloodsucker."

At that point Spike had had quite enough, plus the heavy sack had died, and was now laying on the floor spilling it's sand like blood from a disaster victim. /I wish./

"You couldn't fight your way out of a paper-bag if you had an axe and a hand grenade, and you know it." He tossed back at the human.

"Yeah, well, you should talk. A five year old girl could beat you up and all you could do was stand there like a good little vampire and beg for mercy." Xander threw back and couldn't help but laugh a little at the nice image.

"At least *I* don't fight like a little girl." /Take that, you waste of perfectly good human blood./

Xander bristled at the remark and hopped to his feet. "I do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do. Oh, for crying out loud, just admit that you need the backup."

"If, and I say *if*, I would ever need backup it wouldn't be from you, you. diabolical fiend." Xander was getting fired up and was now across the room pointing sharply at the smirking, //annoying// vampire.

"Why thank you, you flatterer you." Spike batted his eyelashes to further rile up the younger man. /Now this is fun./

"Arrggg. Why must you be soo. //annoying// annoying." Xander was having a hard time controlling his temper, his hands were in tight fists and he just needed an excuse to let them fly at the perpetually smirking vampire.

"I guess its part talent, part practice." Spike was trying hard not to burst into laughter when the already frantic human got even more angry and red-faced. /Ahh. all that lovely blood so close to the surface./

"Ah, bite me." Xander huffed, trying hard to think up a biting response.

"Love too, pet." Spike replied and winked at the spluttering and blushing mortal.

Xander quickly composed himself and tried desperately to get the argument back on track. "I still don't need any help patrolling." He said rather sullenly and shuffled his feet somewhat.

"Of course you don't," Spike said, voice dripping of sarcasm. "I have absolute fate in you getting you're ass kicked all by yourself."

"Hey, you don't have the right to talk about my ass. getting kicked that is." //Smooth Xander, real smooth.//

"Yeah? What're you gonna do about it?" Spike taunted. "Scream like a girl and run to the slayer?"

"I don't scream like a girl, and I sure as hell don't need Buffy to fight a neutered vampire that can't even fight back." //And that didn't sound right.//

"I guess that's the only fight you could ever win, where the opponent doesn't fight back. No, wait, I think you would get your ass kicked anyway. You would probably stumble and fall right on the guys fist and knock yourself out."

Xander fumed as the vampire roared with laughter. "Just you wait, you'll get what's coming for you. I swear, one of these days you'll wake up with a stake pointed at your heart."

"Yeah, you and what army."

"You know," Xander started conversationally. "I still keep in touch with Riley, maybe I should give him a call. You know, have him come visit, tell him to bring a couple of friends." Xander smirked. //Take that you waste of perfectly good space.//

"You wouldn't."

"Bet me."

"You fucking, back stabbing, Special Ed."

"Why Spike I didn't knew you cared." Now it was Xander's turn to bat his eyelashes at a furious blond.

Spike reined in his temper and grounded out. "Well, I. Don't. Care. For all I care you can kiss my lily-white ass."

"Just bend over, pal."

To Xander's surprise Spike did just that, he even pulled down his jeans to show an indeed lily-white ass. Xander wasn't one to back down from a challenge so he bent down and placed a big wet kiss on that perfectly rounded cheek. Of course Buffy choose that exact moment to walk in.

"What the hell is going on here!" She yelled.

"I think that's pretty obvious," Spike replied. "Xander is kissing my ass."

Xander didn't respond since his mouth was busy elsewhere. Instead he started to suck on the delicious pale expanse of skin and then licked his way to the crack and what lay hidden between those luscious cheeks. Spike moaned, and Buffy eeped and hurriedly left the room.

"Think you just scared of the slayer, luv," Spike said and moaned again as Xander found his price and started to do wondrous things with his tongue. The human stopped momentary to state. "Guess she shouldn't have tried to come between a man and his vampire."

Trough the door Buffy could be heard complaining to her watcher. "Giiiles, they're doing it *again*, you have to do something."

Xander laughed quietly to himself and then continued his slow and thorough exploration, accompanied only by the encouraging throaty moans from his vampire.

The end.