*****

Buffy and Xander walked out of the depanneur(1), Xander carrying the two-four(2) on his shoulder.. Buffy carrying the baguettes(3) for supper and the boxes of Shreddies(4) for Xander's breakfast.. The day was clear and fairly warm for March. No more than 20 below(5). Sweater weather.

"Did ya see the college(6) kids trying to show the dep-guy their IDs?... like he could care.(7)" Buffy snickered. Gotta be from Vermont.

The deked(8) through the cars as they crossed the street, ignoring the traffic lights as much as the cars did(9). Buffy trudged over the snowbank at the curb, Xander almost dropped the 2-4 as he jumped it, and slid on the icy sidewalk a couple of feet, but there are some things Canadians just don't drop.

At the corner, a guy excused himself and asked directions (10).

"Je m'escuse, ou est-ce-que se trouve la station de metro?"

Xander nodded and repeated, "Where's the metro(11) station, eh" Then, pointing, "Uh, three streets down, turn left, one street."

The man repeated, also pointing, "Trois rues la-bas, pis a gauche, une rue... "C'est �a?"

"That's it!" repeated Xander.

"Merci bien."

"No problem. Bonne journee!" Xander grinned.

"'Ave a good day!" The guy grinned back at Xander. 'Cute, pas mal(12)' he thought.

They got back to their four and a half(13). Xander opened(14) the television on his way to stash the brew in the ice box. "Want one now?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods? Where's the clicker(15), eh?" Buffy said, pulling off her toque(16) and tossing it on the table.

"On the chesterfield(17), probably under the paper". Buffy hated it when Xander left the big Saturday(18) paper lying around all week, which is probably why he did it. She dug through the papers, found the clicker and switched on MusiquePlus(19). The French music video station was doing yet another salute to Celine Dion(20). Maudit Colis(21). murmurred Buffy. She closed the TV and opened the stereo, shoving in a Spirit of the West(22) CD.

Xander came back in, two beer(23) in his hand. He handed one to Buffy and pulled off his baseball hat.

"Yo Xander, you have total hockey hair, eh?(24)" She giggled. Xander looked in the mirror and fluffed his hair out a bit. "Speaking of which, are you ever gonna wash the stuff in your hockey bag(25)?"

"OK, mum.(26)" he replied sarcastically. "Graham'll wash it with his stuff tonight. Won't let me wash his, says I use too much javex(27)."

"How come you guys are playing on different teams?"

"Uh, We were kinda snogging(28) in the penalty box during the last playoff. Coach split us up." Xander grinned evilly. Buffy shook her head. Incorrigible. And if Xander made one more joke about Graham's 'stick work(29)', she was gonna have to hit the boy.

The phone rang. "Oui Allo, Hello," Buffy answered in both official languages(30). "Oh hey Giles. No, got it covered A to Zed(31). Yup. You bet. The cemetary tonight? You sure?" She sighed. "OK, but you better bring something stronger than tea(32) if I'm gonna hafta wait for them."

"Whats the what, Buffster?"

"Giles thinks that there might be something tonight in the main cemetary on Mount Royal(33)."

"Who does the pommy-guy(34) think he's kidding? Grounds frozen solid!" There would be very little new vampiric activity until the spring thaw made it easier for the vamps to get out of their graves. And that was two months away(35).

"No vamps, some kind of demonic thing."

Riley and Graham came in, kicking the door open, hockey bags over their shoulders, sticks in hand.. They were both grinning.

"How'd it go, eh?" asked Xander.

Riley grinned "The baye(36) got a hat trick(37)!"

Graham grinned and raised his arms in mock victory.

"You're my hero(38) " Xander smiled at him.

Buffy sighed, went over and kissed both guys once on each cheek(39). "Gotta get ready for the vigil on the mountain(40) thing with the G-man."

"Want some help?" asked ever eager to assist Xander, but clearly prefering to help his ex-teammate and favourite(41) forward shower.

"No, it's covered." Buffy had to grin at the two. "Aye, the bayes(42)" she thought, and then realized she'd been hanging around maritimer Riley too long.

********

Giles and Buffy waited by the bouche de l'infer / hellmouth near the frozen pond in the middle of the cemetary, bookbags(43) in hand.

"Do you ever wish you'd been posted(44) to the States?" Buffy asked of Giles the eternal Canadian question.

"Be a bit warmer, of course," Said Giles, teeth chattering. "But it is such a violent country."

"Yeah, what's up with *that*, eh?" Buffy agreed, shaking her head. Yankees always seemed to think that fighting or shooting someone solved something.

As the first demon appeared from the hellmouth, Buffy stood up, "Welcome to / Bienvenues a Canada. Please fill out these Federal and Provincial medical health care forms and these T14s - temporary spectral residency applications. Mr Giles will then assign you billetting45 and give you the contact numbers for the federal and provincial DIIOs, Demonic Immigrants' Information Offices/ bureaux de accueil pour les immigrants demoniques. Please form a queue46. Steady on! One single queue please. Thank you, merci"

Sometimes Buffy thought about moving to the States: lower taxes, higher salaries, warmer winters, and "Vampire Slayer" did have a nicer ring than "Vampiric Processing Officer."

*****

1 corner mum & pop store where you can buy beer and other essentials. 70% of all food shopping dollars in Montreal is spent at deps
2 case of 24 bottles of beer
3 bread -- the long french loaves that are the norm here.
4 shredded wheat cereal
5 centigrade, of course -- about 0 F. January is 40 below. -40 C = -40 F. It's *cold*
6 High School, *not* university
7 the legal drinking age in Quebec of 18 is *just* a suggestion. We have high school bars.
8 to move from side to side to avoid obstacles -- hockey term in general usage
9 I've been stopped for running a red light only once. I am pretty sure that I got a ticket only because the cop was French and I'm English, and he was feeling mean that day.
10 Just a highly typical Montreal street exchange
11 subway
12 = really cute. 'pas mal' gets used in English as well. "I am hungry, pas mal." (literally, 'not bad', but that doesn't make a lot of sense)
13 How you describe a 4-room apartment in Montreal -- the half is really archaic, it originally indicated that the apartment had its own bathroom -- all apartments have their own bathrooms now, of course, but the 'half' remains
14 'open' = turn on, 'close' = turn off
15 remonte control
16 any knit hat, rhymes with 'kook'
17 sofa
18 Canadian Sunday papers are tiny, the monster one comes on Saturday
19 unless you live in the west end, you don't get the English music video station on cable.
20 She's from Canada, you know that right?
21 literally "damned Chalice" mild Montreal swearing.
22 Vancouver Celtic-rock band, who rock!
23 one beer, two beer, three beer .. 24 beer. 'Beers' in plural means different kinds of beer.
24 A very common thing to tell a guy -- his hair looks bad, like he's been wearing a helmet.
25 If Xander were Canadian, he would be on some hockey team, even if it's beer league.
26 not 'mom', 'mum'
27 bleach
28 brit for making out, in common Canadian usage
29 uh, good hockey players know how to use their sticks, right?
30 Standard polite way to answer your phone, let's the caller know that they can speak in French or English.
31 cause that's how it's pronounced, dammit.
32 Cause she's Canadian. Beer Bad just looked silly here...
33 the big park in the middle of downtown
34 British-guy. Not as insulting as in Australia. We kinda like Brits.
35 And when it does come, you get the smell of 5 months of dog shit all thawing at once. Intense.
36 Canadian Riley must be from the maritimes (Atlantic Canada)-- makes sense with that name. baye for 'boy' (rhymes with 'lie').
37 He scored 3 goals, but you know that right?
38 semi-joking way you congratualte someone.
39 cause that's how you say 'hello', but guys only do it to guys if they're both out of the closet.
40 how everybody refers to mount royal park
41 It's spelled with a 'u', dammit!
42 Oh!, the boys!
43 backpack or briefcase, whatever you use
44 assigned to
45 temporary housing at someone's house
46 a line