*****

So maybe that night with Xander had been a fluke; maybe it was just the acid that made me do it and that it didn't mean anything. Maybe the only reason why I had slept with him in the first place was because I was tripping and horny.

Although, I tend to think not. My reason? Because after three years, I'm still with him. Yeah, me and him together like Brian Slade and Curt Wild or Curt Wild and Arthur Stuart from that movie "Velvet Goldmine" that was out back in 1998.

I've always thought that I'd find love in the weirdest place and situation and I was right. I'd been talking to a tree on a moonlit night when I'd found my true love. Xander's been so great, what with my band taking off like it has. We've traveled the world at least three times now and have two platinum albums with another album in progress. Not bad for a band that played like they had fat polish sausages taped to their fingers not but three years ago.

And Xander had been with me through it all. He hadn't asked me to stay when I had told him that we were gearing up to tour. He had simply looked at me with that smile, that smile that made my heart beat faster, and told me that he was happy for me. His smile faded a little and then I realized that he thought that I was just going to up and leave him. I remember, I grabbed him quickly and pressed my lips to him and asked him to tour with me; told him that we could see the world together. Xander had been a little hesitant about leaving his friends, although I still have no idea why he calls them that, but that's beside the point. But I had given him *my* smile that always made him melt and he had agreed.

The rest of the Dingoes had been a little wigged upon learning the reason why Xander would be coming along, even Oz. I didn't care about Kip or Jason, I knew they'd have a problem with it; it was Oz that pissed me off. He's the only guy I knew at the time who was so...mysterious about his sexuality. Sure, he had been dating Willow, but that didn't mean anything. Especially when he'd suddenly drop down to his knees and pretend to be giving me head at press conferences. The dude was just weird sometimes. So, I had thought he'd be the only one cool with it, but I was wrong. Apparently he had taken a 'big brother' attitude where Xander was concerned and he didn't want me to hurt him. Fucking prick. Like I'd hurt the only other person besides myself that I have ever loved.

Anyway, when Oz saw that I was serious about Xander, he let up and actually apologized after a while. The other guys came around too. I guess they finally realized that just because I was bisexual, it didn't mean that they were too.

But whatever, that's just pretty much prelude to the bliss I experience daily. Everything seems right with the world when I'm with Xander. It started out as just sexual fulfillment but wound up being so much more. I can't even measure the amount of love that's in my heart for him. To be philosophical, if I were a pizza, he'd be my cheese. Not incredibly romantic, but hey, I'm still Devon, master of lead singing and catchy lyrics. I'm not Shakespeare or even Oscar Wilde, I can't wax poetic about my love. I can just see it, know it and adore it.

Anyway, today was his twenty-first birthday. It was such a special day and I know that 'special day' sounds cliche and stupid, but it was. We were at our house by the beach on hiatus. I woke him up by placing twenty-one kisses on his lips and then twenty-one on his forehead, then twenty one on the sensitive spot just below his left ear.

His smile was dazzling when I looked up at him to see if he was awake. I love looking at him in the morning. His hair is always tousled and he always seems to be glowing. Plus, whenever I look at him in the morning and he catches me, we end up having really good sex. Not that sex with Xander has ever been bad, except maybe that time I was really drunk and couldn't last but maybe three minutes before passing out, but that wasn't Xander's fault. He was actually very kind to me the next morning. He wasn't going to say anything, but I, unfortunately, remembered.

But I digress. On the morning of his birthday, he caught me looking at him, which I had pretty much banked on him doing, since I *really* wanted mind shattering sex before breakfast. And I got mind shattering sex. He had no problem with making love to me. I told him that I wanted to make him come twenty-one times before midnight arrived and he just raised an eyebrow at me. I admit that it was silly, but still, wouldn't it have been a neat trick? I'd be able to write a book, 'How to Make Your Lover Come For Every Year He's Been Alive'. I bet it'd be a best seller.

We had sex for about two hours and I did make him come three times before he fell back to sleep in pure exhaustion. What an ego boost. He had just woken up and I fucked him so well that he was too tired and weak to get out of bed to get breakfast, so he fell back asleep. I lay there next to him for a while, then got up and started to make breakfast, even though it was nearly noon. I made him his favorite, strawberry waffles and a chocolate milk shake.

I woke him up gently, kissing him when he sat up. "Hey, baby."

"Devon," he said with a smile. I've always loved how he says my name. He says it like it's sacred. "You made me breakfast?"

"No, I made you a porn movie, what does it look like?" I smiled at him. "Yes, I made you breakfast like I always do on your birthdays or on special occasions."

He stretched and yawned, then smiled. "Thank you. Ooo! Strawberry waffles!"

"Your favorite."

"Actually homemade porn's my favorite, but this'll do."

I chuckled. "You're a funny guy." Picking up the fork, I cut a piece of the waffle and fed it to him. He moaned, closing his eyes and savoring the taste. Leaning down, I whispered into his ear, "I made you a milk shake too."

I pulled back and saw the smile that played upon his lips. "You love me, don't you?"

Kissing him and pouring all of my emotion into it, I cupped his cheek with my hands. Pulling back, I spoke softly, my voice tender with love. "How could you tell?" He continued to smile at me as I finished feeding him his breakfast.

When he was finished and the waffles and milk shake were gone, I moved the tray to the floor and straddled his legs, wrapping my arms around his body. "It's your day, baby. Now what do you want to do?"

Xander looked up at me, his face looking like that of a little boy's. "Want to go play in the sand and go for a swim?"

"It depends. Were you planning on wearing those little speedos?"

He chuckled, a sound that I loved to hear.

**

After playing and swimming and making love several more times, Xander and I decided to take a nap. We curled up on the large couch together, with his head on my shoulder and his arm draped over me, and fell asleep quickly.

I dreamt about Xander, which wasn't really surprising since most of my dreams involve him some way or another. In this one he was wearing nothing and I was rubbing glittery oil onto him. It was a lovely dream. Unfortunately the telephone woke me up and put an end to the sparkly Xander dream.

Reaching over the back of the couch, I picked up the receiver and held it to my ear. "Yeah?"

"Devon? Can I talk to Xander?" It was Willow. I rolled my eyes. Still, after all these years, I didn't like her. Even though she and Oz had broken up due to difference of ambitions, she still had that same evil hold over him.

"Yeah, he's sleeping, but hold on." I wanted to tell her to call back when he was awake, but Xander loved her and he'd be pissy if I didn't wake him up. And a pissy Xander is not someone I like dealing with. Pissy Xander never wants to have sex; doesn't even want to touch me, let alone give me head, so I shook him gently.

His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me. "Devon," he sighed.

Leaning down, I kissed him as I love to do. "Willow's on the phone for you, baby."

He groaned. "Why didn't you tell her to call back?" he asked quietly.

"'Cause when I used to do that, you used to get upset."

He smiled at me and kissed me again before taking the receiver. "Hey, Wills. What's up?..Yeah, it's going good...It feels kind of like being twenty only one year more...Well, what do you want me to say? I don't feel different or anything...Thanks...Well, you know, Dev and I have just been...Yeah, okay, that's cool. I'll talk to you later." Xander shook his head and handed me back the receiver, which I placed in the cradle. "I just love how whenever I mention you, she suddenly has to do something else."

Huffing only for show, I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual."

"Devon?" I looked at him and smiled at the seriousness on his face. "I love you." My smile widened and I pressed my lips to his, showing him all the love and passion that was inside of me.

For a moment, I thought about making love to him again, but if it was possible, something better sprang into mind. I moved over him, only to move off the couch and pull him up with me. I knew without looking that his brow was furrowed as I led him over out onto the veranda. The sun was just beginning to set and it was perfect. "Wait here. I'll be right back."

"Dev, I'm naked." I nodded. "And standing outside on a terrace."

"I know. No one can see you but me. It's a private beach and no reporters know we're here. I had Susan 'leak' to the press that I was taking you back to Paris." I smiled at myself for being so clever. We never get to spend time alone without reporters trying to get a juicy photo for their magazine or newspaper. Xander smiled back at me as he sat down on the chaise lounge chair. "I won't be long."

I moved through the house quickly and found his present in no time. Of course, this was only one of his presents and I'd be giving it to him even if it wasn't his twenty-first birthday, but it was the most important present, so I wanted to give it to him at the most perfect time. And I couldn't think of any time more perfect than this.

I moved back out onto the veranda and sat down beside Xander on the chair. "Xander," I said quietly, as I took his hand in mine, his present secure in the palm of my other hand. "Happy birthday. I had been thinking of giving you a blow out party, but then I thought that this would be better. Just you and me."

He smiled and kissed me. "It is. This is all that want; all that I need."

Sighing, I closed my eyes for a moment before I began to speak. Looking at him straight in the eyes, I recited the poem I had memorized for him.

"The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the Ocean,
The winds of Heaven mix for ever
With sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle.
Why not I with thine?-

See the mountains kiss high Heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea;
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?"

Xander sat there silent for a moment, an unreadable look upon his face. His free hand moving to cup my face, I saw the tears in his eyes as he leaned in to kiss me. I returned the kiss, softly moving my lips against his, trying to convey my feelings. He pulled back, a quiet, emotional question on his lips. "Did you write that?"

Shaking my head, I replied, "Unfortunately no. A guy named Shelley did. I came across it and thought of you. I thought maybe I'd write you something, but I've written stuff for you before and they never seem to grasp my feelings."

"It was beautiful," Xander said as he kissed me again. "You're reciting me poetry," he whispered in wonder. "I love you," he murmured against my lips.

I pulled back, my eyes still fixed on his. Slowly I opened my other hand and revealed simple gold ring. "Xander," I started, then stopped, my mouth suddenly dry. "I love you. I..." I paused. I was having trouble getting out the words that had run though my head millions of times. My heart beat faster as I looked into his brown eyes. They were eyes I could get lost in. His brow furrowed slightly. I didn't want to confuse him, so I continued on. "Xander, I want you to be with me...forever. I want to be with you forever. I have this...thing...I mean, my heart screams at me to make sure that you'll always be with me; that I'll always wake up next to you. My soul yells at me when you're not by my side. I get this nervous feeling if we're apart for more than a couple hours. I want...I want you...I want you to be with me. I know that we can't get married legally, but I've never held much belief in the need to." I paused, swallowing hard. "So, will you? Marry me?"

I stared at Xander with nervous eyes. We had been together for so long and through so much, but I couldn't help but feel a little scared about his answer. What if he said no? What if he didn't really love me? What if he only kind of loved me, but didn't love me enough to want to commit to me?

After a few excruciating seconds, my fears were abated. A brilliant smile graced his face. He was on me in a flash, straddling me with his arms around my neck. "Of course I will!" Xander began to place tiny butterfly kisses all over my face and my heart sung with gladness. "I want nothing else but to spend every day in your company. I want be with you forever."

His lips finally made it to mine and I couldn't help but think about how the two of us had changed together. I was reading poetry and he was saying things like 'I want nothing else but to spend every day in your company'. We had matured and grown up. We had learned and loved. And we had done it together.

I pulled back, allowing his lower lip to slip from between mine. I brought his left hand from around my neck and I looked down at it as I slipped the ring on his finger. "I will love you forever," I whispered. "Even when my body is dead and lifeless, my soul will continue to be connected to yours."

"Devon," he whispered back, the tears that had been welling in his eyes finally spilling. I had never seen him cry before. Not even when he told me about his lack of a great family. "Devon, I love you. Every moment I'm with you, I feel stronger. You're the reason that I live. You make everything the way it should be. There was a time when I thought you were just a cocky lead singer with too big of an ego, but now I have no idea why I thought that. You're the most loving person I've ever known and all I want any more is to make you happy."

Smiling at him, I rolled us over until he was beneath me, my hips resting comfortably between his upper thighs. He was about to open his mouth, but I captured it with mine, allowing my kiss to speak volumes.

~end~