*****

"Oz?" Xander asked as he walked into living room where the red head was absently strumming his guitar.

Not looking up, Oz answered, "Hmm?"

"Why doesn't Devon ever bottom?"

At the question, Oz looked up at Xander and blinked. He raised an eyebrow as Xander sat down.

"Aha! You're having an expression." Xander smiled with pride. "Now, tell me what that means."

"Um, well, it means that your question is best answered by the man himself. Ask Devon."

Sighing, Xander replied, "I did. He said we'd talk later, but later never came."

Setting his guitar aside, Oz turned to Xander, pulling one leg onto the couch. "Why do you want to know?"

Xander shrugged. "Just wondering, I guess. I mean, you and I, we do both, but Devon never does. You said yourself that the street only goes one way with Devon."

Nodding, Oz said, almost to himself, "I said that." He looked down, but then looked back up at Xander. "A long time ago, before Dev and I had done anything more than kiss, there was this guy he really liked. He was older. We were fifteen and he was something like nineteen or twenty. Devon got really involved with him. His name was Eric. Remember how I told you that when Devon falls for someone, he falls hard?" Xander nodded. "Well, he fell really hard." Shrugging, Oz added, "He was only fifteen."

"So then what?" Xander asked when Oz failed to continue.

Shifting uncomfortably, Oz said, "Maybe you should ask Devon. I don't think. . ."

"I'm asking you."

"Devon lost his virginity to this guy, okay? But Devon was never in control of anything. Eric held all the power and Devon had nothing. He was always the bottom and Eric wasn't always careful with him, you know?"

"He hurt Devon?"

"Most of the time, but Devon was so into him that he didn't care. I mean, that's what he thought sex was supposed to be like."

With a furrowed brow, Xander asked, "So what happened?"

"One day Eric came over and fucked Devon, Devon's parents walked in on it and that was that. After it happened, his parents started going on long vacations and business trips just get away and avoid Devon."

"What about Eric?"

"Oh. Well, Eric got really tired of Devon, I guess, and found someone else. It wasn't until Eric was out of his life that Devon realized what exactly went on, you know?"

"So he doesn't bottom because of this guy?"

"He doesn't bottom because when he did, he wasn't treated very kindly, nor did it ever bring him that much pleasure. He just did it for Eric, not because he liked it."

~**~

Moving into the bedroom he shared with Devon and Oz, Xander found Devon, lying on the bed, his head resting on his arm as he stared up at the ceiling. Launching himself towards the bed, Xander jumped, landing next to Devon.

Devon gasped as he bounced. He hadn't been expecting anything. When his body stopped bouncing, he turned to Xander who was wearing a big grin on his face. "Hiya, Devon."

"Hey," the singer returned in a breathless voice. His arm moved out and his hand slipped around Xander's waist, pulling him closer. "What's up?"

The younger man moved forward to brush his lips against Devon's. The kiss lasted for a while, both men getting more and more into it, until Xander pulled back. "Maybe I should get a job."

Devon's brow creased. "Why?"

"Money."

"But you don't. . ." Devon began, but stopped as he sat up. "You don't need money."

Xander sat up to face his lover. "Okay, what world do you live in?"

"You don't pay rent or buy food and I take care of you," Devon said, his voice holding a hint of confusion, coupled with a little insecurity. "I-I mean, Oz and I take care of you, right?"

Nodding, Xander said, "You do." Scooting closer to Devon, Xander placed his hands on the singer's thighs. "But maybe you shouldn't. What happens when you get tired of me?"

Furrowing his brow deeper, Devon scowled. "Didn't we already have this conversation? About me being committed to you and to Oz and how. . ."

"Why don't you bottom?" Xander asked, cutting off Devon.

The scowl turned to a look of confusion. "Xander? Are you aware that you're jumping all over different, unrelated topics?"

"Why won't you tell me?"

"I just don't like it like that, Xander."

Running his hands through his hair, Xander asked, "How can you be committed when you can't even tell me. . ."

"I just told you!"

"Oz told me about Eric."

As Devon's face relaxed, he laid back down, crossing his legs and the ankles and pillowing his head on his folded arms. "So?" he asked casually.

Lying down next to him, Xander asked, "So why couldn't you have told me about him?"

Arching an eyebrow, Devon replied, "Because you didn't need to know about him." Turning his head towards Xander, Devon's brow creased again as he became defensive. "Anyway, it's not like you tell me everything."

"Well, what do you want to know?"

"What's the most painful thing that has ever happened to you?"

Xander sighed heavily as he thought. "Well, my arm was broken. . ."

"No," Devon said, his voice losing just a touch of the edge it had held moments ago. "I'll rephrase. What's the most painful thing that you've lived with? Not physical pain."

It took a moment for Xander to respond, but when he did, his voice was quiet and soft. "My mom and dad fight a lot. And it's not just normal arguments that parents have. They use their fists. And I remember when I was seven they had this big fight over me and my mom got hurt really badly. Like, she couldn't get out of bed for a long time after that."

Reaching out, Devon let the tips of his fingers trail over Xander's cheekbone. "They were fighting over you?"

Xander nodded as his eyes fixed on Devon's T-shirt. "Yeah. My dad found me at my neighbor's house."

"What's bad about that?"

"I was kissing my neighbor. . .who also happened to be male."

"Oh."

Now whispering, Xander said, "That was the last time until you and Oz that anything like that happened." When Devon moved closer, Xander continued. "My dad made me feel so ashamed, like I was so. . .wrong and dirty and bad."

"I liked Eric so much that when my parents found him fucking me on their living room floor, I didn't even care. I didn't care that they stopped hugging me and started looking at me like I was a freak. It just didn't matter. But then when Eric left and I was alone in this great big house, it mattered. I mean, I lost my family over someone who didn't even care for me."

"Have you even talked to your mom and dad?"

Devon shook his head. "They won't. They're only ever in town long enough to sign some checks and make sure the people at the country club still know who they are and how much money they have."

Leaning in, Xander kissed Devon, letting his moist lips dance upon the other man's. He let his hand rest on top of Devon's chest until Devon rolled them over and pulled away from the kiss. "It sucks to be used, Xander. I know that, so I'm not going to do that to you. I'm not going to leave you. Get a job if you really want to, but know that you don't have to."

Xander smiled. "I wasn't really going to. I like being lazy. I was just testing."

"Did I pass?"

Nodding, Xander said, "It was a little shaky at first, but by the end, you passed with flying colors."

~end~