*****

"I'm not going to change, I'm not going to change, I'm not going to change," Oz repeated as he rocked back and forth in the bathtub.

He was halfway between human and werewolf and he was scared. Having started changing when there was no moon, Oz had felt panic rise within him. What if he could never control it? What if the moon no longer held significance? What if he turned into a werewolf at nature's whim? What if he hurt someone?

And he had. Willow. He had scratched her. The look. The look on her face, pain, confusion, and yet still love, had almost stilled Oz's heart.

"I'm not going to change, I'm not going to change, I'm not going to change."

Xander sat on the rim of the tub, watching as Oz clutched his head between his two hands. Hands with sharp claws and were covered in fur. "If I wasn't invisible and you could hear me, I'd say something to make it better, Oz."

Shrugging, Xander decided that he'd keep talking, no matter if the other boy could hear him or not. "Oz, it's going to be okay. Somehow, everything'll be okay, you'll see. And you know what? I don't mind you being all wolfy. I mean, you're a good guy and even in your werewolf form, I bet you're still really mellow. You know, in comparison to other werewolves," he added.

"You know," he continued, "I've been afraid of stuff my whole life and look what's happened to me. I live in the stupid basement of my parent's stupid house. I don't get to go to college. The only two sexual experiences I've had were, well, sort of strange. They were both good, but I didn't love the person or anything. I spend most of my days alone and my nights, well, my nights are spent with you guys where I just sit and listen to all the stuff that I don't get to do." Xander looked at Oz, who was still rocking back and forth. "Not that it's you guys' fault or anything. It's mine and I know it. If I hadn't been so scared of everything, I could be like all of you."

Xander watched as Oz lowered his hands from his head. His breathing was still rapid, but his rocking had slowed. "And, if I were you, I wouldn't be scared of anything." Sighing, Xander continued. "I wish I had your confidence and your patience and your ability to forgive. And I wish. . .I wish that could be like you and just sit and look calm in front of people when my insides are bubbling around and threatening to revolt."

Closing his eyes, Oz took two deep breaths.

"I think that you're. . .Well, I mean, Buffy's my hero," Xander said as his eyes fixed on the sink. "But you're, you're like my role model. I mean, you're the guy I compare myself to and you're the guy I wish I was. Everything about you is cool." Cocking his head to the side, Xander said, "Okay, so the werewolf thing isn't, say, as cool as your hair or anything, but it's still something special about you. I don't have that. I'm just Xander. Not that I want to go all wolfy every month, but I'm just saying, you fit in with the gang more than I do."

"I hate being a werewolf," Oz whispered.

Turning suddenly and looking at Oz, Xander asked, "Can you hear me?"

"I think one day that I'm really going to hurt someone. Someone that matters a lot to me. When I scratched Willow tonight. . ." Oz shook his head.

Xander sighed. From the way Oz was staring out into space, he knew that the other boy couldn't hear or see him. He was still invisible.

"I mean," Oz started to talk again. "I hurt her and I couldn't help it. And if I. . .what would happen?"

"Oz," Xander said, again talking more to himself than to the guitarist. Xander put his hand on Oz's shoulder. Oz's head turned towards him. "It's going to be okay. You're not going to hurt anyone."

Moving his hand up, Oz laid his atop Xander's. He closed his eyes and breathed out.

Xander watched as the fur that had sprouted out on Oz's hand and face disappeared. The claws and teeth shifted back into the normal fingernails and dull teeth belonging to Oz, the human.

Oz opened his eyes. "Xander?" He tightened his hand on the younger boy's. "How long have you been there?"

Xander shrugged. "You can see me now?"

Nodding slowly, Oz studied Xander. "I couldn't see you before."

Self consciously pulling his hand back, Xander asked, "Could you hear me before?"

"No," Oz said with a shake of his head. "What were you saying? I mean, I was freaking out there for a while, but then all of the sudden, I just felt myself growing calmer."

"I was just. . ." Xander stopped and stood up. "I was just telling you that it'd be okay." Holding out his hand to Oz, Xander added, "We should probably go find Buffy and Willow and figure out what's going on."

"What if I start changing again?"

Xander shook his head. "You won't. It'll be okay."

~end~