*****

Xander and I were at our beach house because he always seemed so happy here. He got better for a while. In fact, he was doing so well that I went out on tour again.

But since I'd never leave Xander behind, he got tired from all the moving around and he relapsed. The doctors said that bed rest was what he needed. Low stress. So the tour was canceled. The Dingoes promised our fans that we'd be back soon. When we had held the press conference, I had really thought that it'd be like a month until we were going all over the country again.

But then the doctors told me. Xander was sick and it was the type of sick that you just don't get over. To tell the truth, I didn't listen much to what they said. The word 'terminal' and the phrase 'cannot operate' just kept going through my mind.

My Xander was going to die. Maybe not tomorrow and maybe not a month from now, but he was going to. Yes, I know that everyone dies. I got that. I'm mortal, he's mortal, but now he had a death sentence and there was no way around it.

He was sleeping in our bed. It was late morning and I was sitting up next to him, my hand gently brushing the hair back from his face. He got so tired all the time now. I watched as light that filtered in through the window hit his face. There was a slight fluttering of his eyelashes and then a second later, his eyes opened and he looked up at me.

And smiled.

God, that smile. That smile was mine. I possessed the power to make him smile like that, so it was mine. I've never seen him give it to anyone but me. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

"Devon," he sighed like he was relieved that I was there. Silly man. Where else would I be?

"Morning, baby." Leaning down, I kissed him tenderly. It was sweet and it was simple. Sliding back down next to him, I propped my head up on my elbow. "Oz says hi."

His brow furrowed. "He came over? Why didn't you wake me up?"

I shook my head and laid one hand on his stomach. "Oz is in New York, remember? He called."

"Oh," was all he said and then the smile returned to his face. "Let's go swimming."

Smiling almost wistfully, wishing that we could swim like we had before, I shook my head sadly. "You know what the doctors said."

He sighed deeply. "I know what the doctors said."

"Baby," I whispered gently, upset by the despair in his voice.

Sighing again, Xander rolled over to face me. His hand moved to my hip and rested there. "They said I can't do anything but lie here. I don't want to lay here anymore, Devon. And besides, I'm not supposed to make love either, but you and I still do it."

I smiled, my hand caressing his face. "Yeah, but we do it slow. No stress. Swimming takes too much. .."

"Fine," he said as he rolled back onto his back. "Why don't I just lay here and die?"

"Don't," I whispered, my voice horrified. "You're not going to die. You're going to show them that their tests were wrong. Okay, Xander? Don't believe them. I don't."

"If you don't believe them, then why do I have to lay here doing nothing all day?"

"Because I think that they're right when they said that you need rest and to take it easy."

"But Devon," he said in a tear strained voice. "I'm not happy."

I just looked at him as my heart constricted. My Xander wasn't happy. "Okay, baby." Bracing myself on one arm, I moved over him and looked down at his sad face. "We'll go swimming. But no cannonballs." His eyes flicked up and met mine and that smile came back to grace his face. I love that smile.

~**~

Xander and I lounged on the beach, both of us wrapped in towels and him sitting in between my legs. My arms were wrapped around him, my chin resting on his shoulder. Turning my head a little, I licked the lobe of his ear, and caught the drop of water that had been threatening to fall.

"Devon?"

"Yeah, baby," I said in a soft, husky voice.

"Are you mad because you had to cancel the tour?"

"No," I said without hesitation. "You're so much more important."

"Remember when we met? I mean, really met?"

I smiled. Of course I remembered. "In the park and I was talking to a tree." Kissing his neck, I mumbled against his skin, "You liked my lyrics."

"And then you took me home and had your Devon way with me." He was staring out at the ocean and my face was buried in the crook of his neck, but I knew he had the biggest smile on his face. "I wasn't gay before that night. You changed me."

"I didn't change you, baby, I helped you see yourself."

"I love the beach," he sighed wistfully.

"I love you."

~end~