*****

There comes a point in every situation where a decision has to be made. Xander had made his. He wanted Giles and he knew that Giles wanted him, although Giles' want was sometimes blurred by the older man's need to play father. Not that the librarian was anything like Xander's actual father. Giles had never hit the boy and Xander could count the number of times the man had raised his voice at him on his hands. No, Rupert Giles was nothing like Xander's father.

Xander's decision was made while he sat in front of the television, a slice of cooling pizza in his hands. He wasn't watching television really, nor was he eating. He was thinking. He was thinking of his date with the former Watcher and the kiss in the manager's office that he'd aggressively initiated. It was while he was reliving the feel of soft lips against his that Xander made his decision.

Throwing down the pizza, he stood up. The greasy slice landed cheese side down on the glass coffee table, but Xander didn't even notice. Not bothering to turn off the TV, he grabbed his light jacket, not putting it on, his pager, his cellular phone and his keys. He was out the door and in the elevator before he realized that he'd forgotten his shoes.

A short trip back for his Nikes, Xander was in the elevator again, on the way down. Michael the elevator operator made polite conversation, but Xander wasn't paying attention. The kid tipped Michael five bucks anyway. Michael knew that the guy on the seventeenth floor always tipped big; all anyone had to do was wish him to have a nice day and smile and the cute guy whose name read Alexander L. Harris on the lease tipped generously.

Stepping out of the elevator, Xander walked through his building quickly, only vaguely recognizing Ms. Roberts collecting her mail. He gave her a quick nod before moving through the corridor to the garage and quickly finding his new Mustang.

It took Xander twenty minutes to get to Giles' place. There had been an accident on East Third and another one on Lymen Rd. By the time Xander stepped out of the car and found his way to the front door of Giles' apartment, his heart was racing a mile a minute. Despite his nervousness, Xander did not hesitate to knock loudly. He kept right on knocking until the door swung open slowly and Giles appeared before him.

The initial shock of finding Xander on his doorstep wore off quickly and a smile crept swiftly onto Giles' face. "Xander," he breathed.

The boy wasted no time. He entered the house, brushing Giles on purpose. He turned around and waited for Giles to turn around and face him. When the older man did, Xander leaned in. He didn't touch Giles; he simply pushed the door shut. When he pulled back, he found Giles standing there looking at him with a mixture of concern and confusion. "Xander, are you all right?"

"I'm really good," Xander replied, his voice hinting that Xander himself was surprised at his answer.

"You're acting a bit peculiar."

That was when Xander acted on his decision. Almost lurching forward, he pressed himself to Giles, his mouth finding the librarian's and attacking. His hands moved all over, from Giles' cheeks to his shoulders, down to his waist, around his back, back up to the shoulders, to the open V of his button down shirt. His fingers began to unbutton the Oxford shirt while he backed the older man against the door.

Giles began in shock, but soon, he relaxed, if one could relax into such a frenzied kiss. When his back hit the door and his shirt mysteriously flapped all the way open, Giles' mind protested. This wasn't right. Xander was still confused and Giles had no right to allow this to happen. But when the boy's mouth left his and moved down to suck on his nipple, Giles' body responded. He couldn't quite remember how long it had been since he'd gotten so hard so fast. He felt like a sixteen year old boy with raging hormones again. It was quite a rush.

Giles' hand moved to Xander's head, his fingers twining in his hair. Roughly he pulled the boy's superb mouth away from his chest and pressed it to his own mouth. His tongue swept inside the wanting mouth and explored with interest. At the feel of Xander's bucking hips, Giles pulled back, took the younger male's hand and led him up the steps to his bed.

It was the sight of the former Watcher's bed that finally made Xander nervous. He wasn't nervous because he was unsure of what he was doing. He wasn't nervous because he was scared that sex with Giles would be wrong; he knew it wasn't. He was nervous because he was going to have sex with Giles, something he had been wanting for the longest time. Xander sat down on the edge of the bed and just looked up at the man he wanted so desperately to be his lover.

Reading the trepidation on the boy's face, Giles sat down next to him, gently placed his hand on Xander's knee and looked him in the eye. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to, Xander. We can just lay here and be together."

Xander blinked several times slowly, took a deep breath and then swallowed. What Giles had just said quite possibly could have been the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to the boy. Just lay together? No pressure? That was something completely different than he was used to. His mother never gave him an out like that. His mother never even gave him a choice. Even as a little boy, when he'd be crying over a recent beating from his father, his mother could come to comfort him. They'd lie there in his bed and there would be a few moments of motherly comforting but soon there was an underlying implication of things beyond.

"Xander?" Giles' voice broke through the boy's thoughts.

Shaking his head as if to clear his mind, Xander moved closer to the man, his arms moving around the hard body. His mouth was pressed lightly against Giles' neck when he said, "I do want this, Giles." His voice was shaky and faded like it was almost not there.

"Perhaps we shouldn't. . ."

Xander pulled back. "Don't," he told the librarian. "Please don't be a father tonight."

"I wasn't trying to. . ."

"You never try to but you always end up doing it. Can't you just be my. . . Can't you just be my friend tonight?"

Giles' hand moved swiftly, cupping the teenager's face, his thumb slowly stroking the soft skin. As the older eyes searched the younger eyes, Giles felt almost overwrought with emotion. His feelings for the boy, no, Giles corrected, the man before him were deep. Moving forward, Giles brushed his lips over Xander's. Slowly, his hands moved from Xander's face to the back of his head and neck, gently holding him in place. While Giles' tongue traced Xander's lips, Xander's hands moved up to Giles' chest and just rested there, his palms flat against the older man's nipples.

Giles pulled back, just far enough to whisper a soft order, "Lie back." Xander hesitated only for a moment before he scooted back to the middle of the bed and then reclined so that the pillows propped him up. Giles followed him up the bed, stretching out beside the boy on his side, his elbow bent with his hand supporting his head. When Xander's head rolled to the side so that he could look at the man next to him, Giles leaned in and kissed him again. His free hand moved to Xander's body, first just resting on his stomach before moving upward and gliding over his chest. With one last kiss, Giles moved back and then sat up, shrugging off his oxford shirt.

His hands moved to the hem of Xander's T-shirt and he pulled it up. Xander's upper body lifted slightly to aid in the removal of the garment, but other than that, Xander stayed still. It wasn't until Giles' hands moved to the top button of his Levi's that Xander raised up on his arms, his eyes focused on the hands that were so dangerously close to the bulge in his jeans. He took in a shaky breath and nodded when Giles looked up at him in a silent question for permission. The button undone, the zipper pulled down, Xander lifted his hips to allow his jeans to be pulled down. His shoes came off, followed by his socks and then his jeans were completely off, thrown back to the foot of the bed where they slid off the side, down to the floor.

There they were, Xander in his boxers and Giles in his loose fitting slacks, in Giles' bed, both with erections that felt as big as the Washington Monument. Giles stayed down towards Xander's calves, his hands just running up and down the boy's leg, his eyes trained on the goosebumps that formed, his ears intently listening to Xander's ragged breath. There was so much that he wanted; so much that he wanted to give to his young lover; and so much that he wasn't sure Xander was ready for. But he would try.

Deciding not to bother removing Xander's boxers, Giles laid out next to him, his head at Xander's left hip. A hand crept up Xander's leg, rubbing and stroking every centimeter of flesh it came in contact with. Finally, the hand moved over the thin fabric of Xander's boxers and found the slit in the cloth. Moving carefully, Giles' hand snuck inside, the fingers wrapping ever so delicately around the shaft of Xander's cock. Xander gasped and then shivered. Giles looked up, again asking permission. The want in Xander's eyes gave him that permission and Giles shifted the cock in his hand with care, moving it until it poked out of the front of the boxers.

He let go and began to use the tips of his finger to explore it. The shaft was bumpy with veins but it was still as soft as silk. The ridge, Giles soon found out, was extremely sensitive and the head was even softer than the rest. A finger glided down on the underside and Xander's back arched and he groaned as the finger swirled over his sensitive sac. He felt himself grow harder still as his eyes focused, not on the hand, but on Giles' tender face.

A finger moved to Giles' mouth and when it was removed, it began to run circles around the head of Xander's erection. The moist finger continued its journey as Xander's eyes closed. His breathing was still ragged and his body was still shaky as his fingers clenched the quilt beneath his body. Xander let out a surprised moan as a warm, wet mouth engulfed the head of his cock and a gentle sucking pressure began. The tension within his body led him to believe that he could come at any moment. But he didn't.

Even as the mouth took in more, the lips moving further down, Xander didn't come. Even when a hand wrapped around the base and then began a gentle pumping action, he didn't come. The bed shifted and other hand moved to his sac, fingers massaging so very tenderly. Still he didn't come. Xander's eyes shut tighter and his fingers clenched even harder, his knuckles turning white and his fingers beginning to hurt. His teeth clenched and his jaw locked and soon grew tired. After almost ten minutes, it became painful. Xander tried to relax; he tried come, but he couldn't. His eyes opened as the pain became clearer and more pronounced. He hurt.

"S-stop," he choked out, tears brimming in his eyes. "Stop," he said again, even though Giles had stopped already and was just looking up at him with concern. A shiver ran through Xander as Giles removed his hand and as the older man began to move up the bed, Xander hurriedly moved off the bed.

"Xander?" Giles asked, his voice wrought with worry.

The boy didn't respond; he just quickly lunged for the bathroom door to the right. When he was safely inside, he closed and locked the door then slid down it until he was sitting on the floor, his chin resting on his knees as his arms wrapped around his legs. He expected Giles to be knocking at the door at any moment, but the moment didn't come.

He stretched out his legs, glanced down at his cock, still poking out of his boxers, and contemplated it as tears continued to leak from his eyes. It was painfully still erect. He wrapped his hand around it and began stroking himself. His breathing quickened and his hips rocked; it only took a minute or two for him to reach his orgasm. Slowly, he made it to his knees and crawled over to the toilet where he grabbed some paper and wiped his emissions off of his hands and thighs.

Tears still flowed from his eyes and down his cheeks as his mind whirled with questions, accusations and self-disgust. He could come with his mother and he could come by himself, but he couldn't come when the man he wanted was giving him head? What kind of sick fucker was he?

His fisted hands began to pound on his thighs and he knew he'd have bruises but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't stop his mind from churning and he couldn't stop the tears from falling. A soft tap at the door made Xander look up.

Then a soft whisper. "Xander?"

Xander sniffled and then rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears and trying to stop new ones from forming. He wondered what he was going to do. He didn't want to talk to Giles about what had happened, let alone see that concerned pity in the older man's eyes. But there was no way out of the apartment from the upstairs bathroom. Xander was stuck.

"Xander, please," Giles' tender voice said.

Xander stood up and walked slowly to the door and his hand rested on the doorknob for a moment before he unlocked the door and opened it. His eyes were glued to the ground as he moved out into the bedroom, brushing quickly past Giles who had been crouching at the bathroom door. He retrieved his jeans with lightening speed and found his shirt just as fast. He was tugging on the jeans when Giles moved closer to him. "Xander," the older man said softly, "where are you going?"

"Home," Xander answered, barely audibly.

"Please stay," Giles pleaded as he tried to wrap his arms around Xander.

The boy moved backwards, evading Giles' embrace. His eyes were still on the floor. "I can't," he said as he shrugged on his shirt. As he picked up his shoes, he continued, "I have to go." Moving quickly, he made it downstairs, deciding his shoes didn't have to go on until he got to the car. As he opened the front door, Xander ignored Giles' voice asking him to come back, not to run away again.

The boy didn't pause until he was safely in his car. He tugged on his socks and shoes then jumped when a knock came from his left. He turned to see Giles bent over, looking at him through the window, his shirt still off. Xander was glad that he'd locked the door; it was much easier to just sit there knowing that Giles couldn't open the door. "I have to go," he said through the window as he inserted his key in the ignition and started the car. Tears once against burned in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Giles."

Taking a deep breath, hoping it would calm him, Xander drove away. He drove around Sunnydale, not wanting to go to his place and be alone but not wanting to go anywhere where there were people. After a half hour of aimless driving, Xander found himself at the gate of James' house. It was not big enough to be called a mansion, in Xander's opinion, but it had an iron gate and a security guy in a little shelter next to the gate. When the man saw who Xander was, he waved to him with a smile on his face and opened the gate. "He expecting you?" Xander shook his head. "I'll just call up there." Picking up the phone, the security guard started talking, letting whomever was on the other end know that Xander was there. Finally, he hung up the phone and nodded to Xander. "Yeah, he'll see you."

Xander drove up to the house, parked his Mustang next to James' Mercedes and walked up to the front door. A butler was waiting to open the door for him and lead him through the house to a room downstairs. James was in the Olympic sized swimming pool that was half inside the house and half outside. The butler left and Xander stood by the pool, still not really knowing why he was there. Catching sight of the boy, James did the butterfly stroke across the pool to the ladder and climbed out, his body dripping. Without even meaning to, Xander checked out the demon's speedo clad body. James was a very attractive man and Xander would've been even more attracted if James were a man and not a demon.

Water ran down the demon's hard chest, down his athletic legs and down the smooth contours of his angled face as he removed his goggles. Moving to a lounge chair, James picked up a towel and began dying off as he offered Xander a seat. He waited until his guest had sat down before he did the same. "Nice to see you, Xander. Would you like a drink?"

Xander held up his hand as he replied, "You don't have to go through any trouble."

Giving Xander a look, James said, "Trouble? I don't think calling my kitchen for two drinks is really trouble. Trouble is when I have to kill a client and remove his heart because he can't pay his bill and there's a mobster who likes good heart of demon and is willing to pay top dollar for one that's still warm. That's trouble, Xander." He shook his head. "I really hate killing. It's so primitive. Now, I'm going to have a martini, would you like something?"

"I'm not much of a drinker. I've really only had Wild Turkey and that was when my dad thought I should drink the whole bottle when I was nine."

"A White Russian."

"What is it?"

James smiled gently at the boy. "Kahlua, vodka and milk."

"Milk?" Xander asked, his face screwed up in disgust.

"Tastes like mocha."

Xander nodded. "Alright."

Picking up a nearby phone, James asked for a vodka martini with onion for himself and a White Russian for Xander. It was only a few minutes until the drinks arrived and James sipped his then looked at Xander, watching as the boy tasted his. "Well? How is it?" he asked.

"Pretty good," Xander said, licking his lips with a smile. It was a good drink.

They sat in silence for a while, each just enjoying his drink before James started, "So, Xander. Why are you here? Do you need something? Our new clients don't arrive in town for another three days."

Xander shook his head and looked down at his lap. "It's not about clients."

The demon sighed, took a sip of his martini, then set it down on the table. "So what's it about?" Xander stayed silent. Looking at Xander thoughtfully, James asked, "You saw the Watcher again, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Xander replied sadly.

"So?" James said, his voice holding a slightly cooler tone. Xander's eyes didn't move from his lap and his fingers tightened around his drink. "I guess it didn't go well?"

Xander shook his head. "Really bad."

"Would it shock you if I said 'good'?" Xander looked up and James gave a shrug. "I don't like you seeing him. I'm not going to force you to stop but I will make clear to you that I dislike it." His voice was sharp but not angry. "Do you know how long I've been doing what I've been doing, Xander?" The boy shook his head. "Well before you or the slayer or even her Watcher was born. I haven't lasted this long without learning how to stay underground and below the radar. Now, you are a good employee and like I said before, you're my favorite, but you're still very new and with your persistence to keep seeing the Watcher, whether he's the current Watcher or not, you've become a risk to me."

"James," Xander said, but went no further when the demon continued.

"There's a lot I can give you, Xander. Look at how much I already have. You're a great asset to me and I compensate you for that. Now, while your personal life is yours business, you have to understand where it's mine as well. One wrong word to the Watcher and I've got a Slayer at my door." James paused, and looked down at his drink, then back up at Xander. "Haven't I given you a lot? Haven't I treated you better than you've been treated in your entire life?"

Biting on the inside of his cheek, Xander looked up at the demon through long lashes. His eyes were blurry with unshed tears. "You have," he whispered.

"And all I ask of you is loyalty."

"You have that," Xander replied.

"Do I?" James asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Yes," Xander answered firmly. Knowing that he needed a solid reason to keep away from Giles and his own life, Xander shut his eye tightly as he said, "Just tell me not to see him anymore and I won't. I swear."

"I told you that I wouldn't force you."

"Please?" Xander almost begged, his eyes opening.

Silently, James sipped at his martini, his eyes sizing up the boy before him. "You want me to do that, don't you? You need me too." A slight chuckle bubbled from the demon before he said, "You have an addiction, don't you? Several, in fact."

Xander wanted to shut his eyes and block his ears. The truth in his employer's statement cut him like a razor against soft skin. As for what he was addicted to, Xander could name so many. It was apparent that he was addicted to his mother, otherwise why would he have kept going back there? He must be addicted to what she'd do to him or why couldn't he come in Giles' mouth? He must be addicted to Giles because he kept letting himself believe that they could be together.

"Xander," James finally said, "I don't want you seeing the Watcher anymore. That's not negotiable and I mean it. I don't want you near him and if I find out that you are seeing him, everything you have is gone and our relationship is terminated. Do you understand?"

Letting out a heavy breath, Xander nodded and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, James was smiling at him. "Drink up, Xander."

The boy took a gulp then looked back to the demon. "I'm sorry for coming over like this and you know. ."

"Xander, it's alright. It's nice to have company."

"Don't you have, you know, somebody?"

James laughed. "I have lots of somebodies but they're all nobodies. They mean nothing and I get so bored with them after a while." Looking up as if lost in a memory, James continued, "There was this human once. Gretchen. God, I thought I could spend a lifetime with her but she could deal with who and what I am. I think it bothered her that I was 87 years older than her." At Xander's surprised cough, James laughed. "I age differently. A year to me is about five to you."

"What happened to Gretchen?"

The smile faded from his face as James popped the onion in his mouth and chewed on it. "Something not good." Rising from the chair, James asked, a new smile on his face, "Want a tour of the place?"

"Sure," Xander said as he stood as well, taking one last gulp of his drink before placing the nearly empty glass down on the table.

"This is the pool, as you can see. You swim?" the demon asked.

"Yeah," Xander said, a faint smile playing on his lips. "A little. I was on the swim team for a little while last year."

"You can come over anytime, you know."

"Thanks." Xander smiled as his boss took him from room to room, telling him about each one making jokes that made Xander laugh. Xander spent the rest of the night talking with James about this and that. He pushed Giles and any emotion associated with the man to the back of his mind. He wouldn't go near Giles anymore. Now that James had outright told him not to, he had a reason to stay away. It'd hurt less this way.

~end~