*****

~*Be cautious while walking in darkness alone. (Chinese fortune)*~

I wake up from a killing dream with a start. It is not until I try to rub my face with my hands that I realize what is going on. Only one hand goes to my face, the other is being held by Xander, my wrist to his mouth. For a moment, I just look at him. He's not looking back at me. His eyes are closed as he drinks from me. Even as the pleasure begins to hit me, I think, 'It's too far of a walk to the refrigerator. I'll pass out before the stairs.'

As I gasp for air that I don't need, I can't be angry with him because one of his hands moves to my midsection and starts to stroke my erection. Finally, I lay back, my eyes searching for focus and my voice sounding with moans. I start to feel hot and shaky and vaguely alive. "You're going to take it all," I croak.

He doesn't stop feeding. He doesn't stop feeding until I come. I blink and when my eyes are open, he's gone. I blink again and then he's back, lifting me up so that he can pour blood into my mouth. Drinking hungrily, I hold his wrist as he holds the cup to my mouth. Even when the warm cup is empty, I keep my hold on his wrist. When he pulls away, setting the cup on the table next to the bed, I turn my eyes towards him. "I'd prefer it if you'd seek my permission to do that."

I see his jaw tense, then he says, "You don't want me getting you blood?"

"You know what I meant," I say, running a hand through my hair. "I don't want you taking from me when I'm not awake." His jaw tenses again and his eyes narrow as he moves around on the bed, moving away from me, then near me and finally settling down beside me once again. He's wearing this odd expression as his tongue comes out to dart back and forth over the corner of his mouth. I raise my eyebrows in question.

"Do you think you're my sire?"

I react to the question by narrowing my eyes and hastily saying, "No, I killed your sire." His eyes flash yellow and a growl erupts from his throat. He moves off the bed and I watch his back as he leaves the room. I don't follow him. It is daytime and he can't go far. He does not hate himself enough to step outside and taste the sun.

Glancing at my wrist, I see that it has healed. I lay back down, close my eyes and before I realize it, I'm dreaming again.

~**~

When I wake the second time, he is not in the room. I find him downstairs, sitting on the sofa, his eyes trained on the blazing fire. When I sit down next to him, he doesn't move. I'm turned towards him, studying him, when I let my hand run down his arm. He pulls his arm away, despite the shiver that runs through him. "Xander," I say softly.

Standing, he looks down at me. "I'm going out tonight," he says. I'm a bit shocked because we haven't gone out since that night three weeks ago.

"I'll go with you." He just shrugs his acceptance. I walk to the kitchen, grab a bag of blood, pour it into a cup, then warm it in the microwave. After I finish that cup, I make another and drink it down, not caring this time about taste.

I find him upstairs, debating his wardrobe. It's an interesting sight since he only has a few articles of clothing. He is still naked when I walk up behind him, slide my arms around his waist and press myself up against him. My hand slips down and strokes him to hardness before I turn him around in my embrace. Moving my hands to his shoulder and neck, I press his head forward until I feel his mouth against the flesh of my neck.

Xander doesn't do anything. He doesn't do anything, that is, until he breaks away from me. "You're not hungry?" I ask.

"I've already fed," he answers as he grabs his black pants and tugs them on.

"That was at least six hours ago," I inform him. A slight flutter arises within me. I want him to feed from me. I need him to.

"No," he says casually. "I warmed up blood, put it in a cup and drank it."

"Oh," is all I manage to get out. He had fed. He had fed on his own. Without me. He hadn't needed me. I watch him silently now as he puts on his shirt and a moment passes before he looks at me.

"Are you going out like that?" I look down at myself and find that I'm still as naked as when I woke up.

"Why are you acting strange?" I sighed as I pulled on my loose knit pants. "You're angry about last night?"

He ignores my questions. "Are you almost ready?"

Sighing again, I finish dressing. Without anything further, we leave the mansion, him leading the way while I just follow. We walk for hours and I think we've walked every road in Sunnydale. By midnight, we find ourselves at the high school. We sit outside, on one of the stone benches. Xander stares up at the building while I just stare at him. "It's interesting," he finally says, speaking in his newly acquired deep voice. It's the first thing that has been spoken between us since we left the house.

"What's interesting?" I inquire as I lean forward, clasping my hands together as my elbows rest on my knees.

"That for almost four years I wanted nothing more than to get out of this place; to not have to go," he explains, nodding towards the building.

"And now you want to be able to go again," I finish for him. He nods.

"They're in there, you know."

"I know. Do you want to go in?"

"No."

"They still want to be a part of your life."

"I don't want them to be a part of my life. I don't have a life; I'm dead."

"Xander," I whisper. I don't finish saying my thoughts because his hand is lifting mine. He pushes back the cuff of my coat and brings my wrist to his mouth. His canines elongate and he tears my skin. I can't help but moan as his tongue caresses the wound. "Xander," I whisper again.

His mouth stops its movement against my wrist and he leans into me. Exposing my neck to him, I wait for the familiar piercing sensation to make me moan. It doesn't come. Instead, he just stays there, his lips just slightly touching my neck. "I didn't ask," he whispers.

I put my hand on his thigh and press down as I growl, "I hope you're not playing a game here."

He whispers, "Why would this be a game?" The sheer amusement in his voice startles me; I am not used to it. Once I shake off the shock of hearing the laughter in his voice, I feel angry.

I bring my hand up to his hair and grip it tightly, twisting slightly. He grunts. "I'm not amused," I say in a deep voice. Finally, I feel his fangs sink into my flesh and I shudder. My hand loosens in his hair; now it just rests, my fingertips stroking through the silky locks. My cock is hard and straining again my pants as Xander's hand moves to manipulate me through my clothing. Just when I am about to come, his hand is gone, his mouth is gone. I open my eyes and find that he is gone.

My whole body is trembling and I can't focus on anything. My hand moves up to my throat and I feel the sticky substance oozing slowly from two small holes. My cock is still hard, so hard that it hurts, but before I can do anything about it, I hear, "Angel?" Turning, I see Buffy and her friends. I blink at them, but I'm aware that my erection is going down. My body still shakes as I hear again, "Angel?"

Raising my eyebrows, I barely get out, "Yeah?"

"What are you doing here?" I shake my head at Buffy, telling her that I don't know.

"Are you all right, Angel?" Giles asks, his eyes pools of concern.

"I'm fine," I say as I stand up when Buffy sits down next to me. She stands back up, her small hand slipping into my large one. "I have to go."

"Your neck's cut." I look down at her and she's squinting up at me. "Is it. . .Are those. . ."

"Don't ask that," I say, knowing that I wouldn't lie to her and also knowing that she wouldn't understand.

"Is Xander with you?" Willow asks me hopefully.

I look around for any sign of him but find none. "He was."

"Were you attacked?" Buffy asked. "I didn't think vampires bit other vampires."

I look down at her and angrily crease my brow. "Blood is blood, Buffy. Draining is a valid manner of killing."

Her eyes are wide when she says, "Okay, I wasn't trying to say. . ."

"I have to go," I say before she can finish. "I don't know where he is and I have to find him." My eyes are still scanning the courtyard.

"Find Xander?" Willow asks. She doesn't wait for an answer before she asks, "How is he?" But by the time she asks it, I'm already walking away. I can hear them calling me from behind, but I don't stop. Darkness surrounds me as I walk all over Sunnydale, trying to find Xander. By dawn, I've searched Sunnydale twice over. He isn't anywhere to be found.

Returning the mansion, hoping he is there, I find that he is not. There is no evidence that he even came back here. Reluctantly, I lay down, already making plans for tomorrow night, which will be spent searching for him.

~**~

I don't find him for a week and even then, I don't really find him. He finds me. After the second night of searching for him, I had to stop doing it so often. As much as I hate to admit it, without him feeding from me, I felt weaker. I got the chills and I a constant headache, like I was going through the same withdraw that drug addicts feel.

He walks into the room, his body language portraying nothing but self-confidence. I watch him as he tosses two bags of warmed blood on the bed. They land next to me. "Drink," he says as he nears me even more, his fingers working to unbutton his shirt.

"Where have you been?" I ask, my chin trembling slightly.

"Drink," he says again. I drink. I drink both bags quickly and when I look up at him again, he's naked. I rise to my knees as he climbs onto the bed. Reaching out to him, I feel disappointment and sadness sweep over me when he avoids my touch. He moves around me and presses up against my naked back. His erection is pressing into the curve of my ass as his hands finally touch me. One slides around my waist, then moves up to my neck, the other one grips my hip. He pulls me back. His lips are at my neck when he whispers, "Can I?"

I can't even speak, my need of it is so great. All I can do is tremble inside of his hold. "I won't do it until you answer," he says softly.

My eyes close as he waits, his lips gently pressed to my skin. I'm hard and he hasn't even done anything yet. I know he's waiting for an answer, but my voice won't work. I also know that he already knows what the answer will be. But he's doing it for a reason, that much is very clear. I finally manage to choke out a yes and I shiver in anticipation when I feel his face change.

Fangs plunge into my neck and I cry out. They go deeper than they ever have and without warning, I come. Even though my seed soaks the covers, I'm still hard. Though needless of air, I'm panting, whimpers and moans escaping in between. His hips thrust as he drinks from me and all I can think about is wanting more, no, needing more. "Xander," I whisper, my voice shaking like never before. The pressure of his sucking intensifies before it stops.

He pulls his head away, but makes sure that I keep my neck exposed. Next, his body moves back. I can feel my blood dripping down, slowly winding it's way down my shoulder and my back. "God, Xander, please," I beg, wanting just to feel is tongue lapping at my blood or his mouth brushing over my wound. But it is his hand I feel trailing through the red river flowing down my back. It is his hand that brings the slickness of my blood down to the cleft of my ass. It's obvious what he wants and it is obvious that even if I didn't want it, it would happen anyway. My need is too great. If letting him take me like I've taken him is the way to getting his teeth back into my flesh and the blood transferred from me to him, then I'm going to let him.

Not that I wouldn't have let him even before. I haven't been taken since my days as Angelus in the Master's court and the unfamiliarity of it is the only thing that daunts me. But even before this affliction, this need I have, I would have surrendered to Xander without a second thought.

The feeling of him entering me draws me back into the now. He hadn't bothered with preparing me, at least nothing beyond the insertion of a few fingers dripping with blood, but the nature of what I am comes out in full force as I admit to myself that I like it this way. I like the pain lancing through me and I like that I want it so much. I bend over, to give him easier access to thrust and to give me more leverage to push back against him, but he doesn't like it. His hand wraps around my chest and he brings me back up until I'm on my knees once again with his chest pressed against my back.

His thrusting is rhythmic and although I'm quite enjoying it, it still cannot hold a candle to the feeling of his fangs sunk deep within my neck. As if he could read my mind, he pushes my head to the side and makes a fresh wound, biting so deeply that I feel dizzy. I come again, shouting my orgasm loudly as he continues to pump himself within me. His mouth never leaves my neck and I feel like screaming again when I find myself still hard. Even with my two releases, my cock aches and my balls feel so tight that I think there may be something wrong.

By my third orgasm, I'm almost wishing that this delicious pleasure would end. Pleasure like this is not meant to be experienced for this long at one time. His tongue laps at my wound and it is only then that I know he'll be coming soon. I do my best to move with him, to help him along, but I am pretty much powerless. His mouth moves to my shoulder and he bites down, nearly ripping a large area of skin from my body. Xander holds me tightly as he reaches his climax. It lasts for sweet minutes, which seem like damnable hours as his mouth draws my blood into him.

My eyelids droop until they are almost closed as his arms release me and he pulls his mouth away. I drop forward, not caring that I'm lying in a pool of my own seed; not caring that I've lost too much blood. If something were to happen now, if someone attacked me, I wouldn't be able to get up, much less fight. But I don't care because all of my body, all of my soul and all of my mind is singing.

Xander slides his cock from within me and I let myself stretch out, my eyes closing as my mouth gapes open. I can sense him watching me, studying me, but I do nothing. After a moment, I feel him, his body is on top of mine, his head resting on my shoulder blade, his flaccid cock pressed right where the small of my back become my ass. His hands move to my arms and he draws them up until they're over my head. His hands move up and down my arms, then his fingers curl around my fingers as his head nuzzles my back.

"Where have you been?" I mumble against the mattress when I finally find enough energy.

He doesn't answer right away. Instead, shifts atop my back, his hair tickling the backside of my neck. I feel his tongue dart out over my tattoo. "I've been around."

"Why'd you come back?" I ask.

I hear a sigh, then "Darkness fell."

~end~