The sheets were nothing more then tatters. The headboard was bent out of shape. And the first of the Chosen One's was nothing but a mindless, babbling, lava pool of lust, desire, passion and outright blatant need. On her hands and knees, she watched dazed the sweat dripping off her body onto what was left of the sheets. The Dark Slayer had kissed, sucked, bitten, chewed, licked, touched, scraped, even scratched a little, every single piece of flesh on her body. She had even crawled under her at one point, chuckling evilly that she didn't want the front of her mate's body to feel neglected.

If she had been capable of speaking in any language known to man, she would have been begging by now. Her dark mate hadn't let her move - other then how she moved her - or touch her, once. In all of her life, she had never felt the need to touch someone as much as she needed to touch her Dark Slayer as she did right now. She shuddered when she felt her lover move to kneel behind her. Her whole body trembled when she felt her mate lean over her, her breasts burning holes into her back, strong hands gripping her thighs moving her legs further apart. A ragged sob forced its way out of her when she felt the river of wetness that was her Dark Slayer's desire for her coat her ass.

She swore she was having mini-orgasms when her mate's hands came around her and cupped her breasts. Her Dark Slayer's fingers relentlessly teased, stroked, pulled, pinched, flicked her nipples into heart-stopping, white-hot points of rapture. A shiver ran its fingers down her spine as her mate rocked into her, her teeth nipping her earlobe, her breath, hot and heavy caressing her neck. Her Dark Slayer had led her to the edge time and again, giving her just a peek at what lay on the other side before pulling her back each time swiftly, without mercy, leaving her breathless and begging to be taken there again. And the Light Slayer knew, even if she reached down to end this torture herself that she couldn't, wouldn't be able to cum right now unless her soul-mate told her too. Her Dark Slayer had promised to take her to a place she had never been before and undeniably this was a place, she had never been before, ever. A place, she already knew, she wanted to visit again and a place she wanted to bring her Dark Slayer someday too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She couldn't get enough of her, couldn't seem to stop herself from needing to touch her, to taste her. The overwhelming need to mark the Light Slayer as hers was back and it would not be denied. Nothing in her life had ever prepared her for this possessiveness, this primal desire to claim, to take, to protect, to conquer and be claimed, taken, protected and conquered in return. And she knew from their bond that her Light Slayer felt the same way and it made her feel complete, unbroken in a wholly incredibly new way.

She clutched the shaking body of her Light Slayer beneath her tighter. All of this was so new it scared her a little, but not enough to stop her. She held on tightly letting her lover support her weight as she shook helplessly with her own need. Her hips rocked steadily into her mate's ass, her wetness leaving slick trails, her clit twitching, begging for a harder, firmer touch. She finally managed to get herself under control again, she eased up off her golden-haired lover slightly, then smiled at the moan of disappointment that she let slip. One hand moved to grasp her Light Slayer's shoulder from underneath and behind. The other hand dusted down over her side, then over her back to her ass. She kneaded the tense muscles, traced feather-light patterns over its firmness.

"Tell me what you want." She demanded hoarsely, her mouth brushing against her Light Slayer's ear.

"Inside..." she mumbled, "Inside... want you inside me..." Long, gifted fingers suddenly plunged into her forcefully then stilled. Her head snapped back, her long damp hair whipping her Dark Slayer on the shoulder and upper back. An actual howl ripped out of her throat as a small quake sparked through her giving her a preview of what would befall her when her Dark Slayer fulfilled her promise.

Her hips jerked uncontrollably into her Light Slayer when her hair lashed her with its wet, silken caress. "Tell me what you want," she demanded again. A moan was her answer, but this time it wasn't good enough. "Tell me..." Her command was rough, harsh in her desire.

Her befuddled mind tried to form the words. She knew what she wanted; she wanted her Dark Slayer to fulfill the rest of her promise. She wanted to be fucked like there was no tomorrow. Hard, fast, rough, she wanted to lose every last bit of control and she wanted her Dark Slayer to lose her own as well.

"Want you to..." She stopped gasping as another slightly larger quake ripped through her. She panted trying to gather her thoughts again, make her tongue speak recognizable words. "...keep your promise. Want... you... to... fuck... me..." A small part of herself stood off open-mouthed in disbelief. She never in her life had ever said those words to anyone. That small part of herself got over its disbelief quickly as her Dark Slayer's roar of triumph, lust and hunger fell upon her like a physical caress.

The Dark Slayer started to fuck her, alternating between hard, fast, rough and slowly and deeply, tearing away every last semblance of control she had. This wasn't the first time they had ever touched each other like this, nor would it be the last. But it was only a way they could ever touch, be with each other, it would have been too hard, too rough for anyone other then another Slayer. And she loved that, loved that it was something that only she could give to her Dark Slayer and that her Dark Slayer could only give to her. The snarl from her Dark Slayer told her without words she felt the same way.

She moved her arm down to circle her Light Slayer's waist. She moved easily, intimately in the pulsating heat of her mate. She leaned into her further, licking her skin, taking small bites, loving the smell, the taste of her desire and of her sweat. "Move with me..."

She didn't need to be told twice, she pushed back so hard into her mate she almost knocked them both over. "More... fill me... oh god Fai... need more..." she demanded as she met each thrust with equal force, contracting her internal muscles to hold those long fingers inside of her for just a second longer.

She just hissed, giving her Light Slayer what she asked for. Her thumb dipping occasionally into the hot wetness of her mate's desire, then trailing up to venture where neither of them had ever ventured before. "So wet for me, so hot for me, so tight..." She latched onto her mate's shoulder blade, sucking with a vengeance then purring with satisfaction when she saw the mark that would, despite their Slayer healing, remain for a few days. "Love being so deep inside of you... love how you feel... you make me so hot, so wet, so goddamn crazy with need, crazy for you...." She latched onto her mate's other shoulder blade, leaving an identical mark.

Her head dropped down, her damp hair falling, shrouding her face. Every cell in her body screamed for release. Everything she was, screamed even louder for her mate. "Faith..."

"Are you ready to cum for me?" She leaned heavily onto her Light Slayer. The arm around her mate's waist slid down, her fingers began to torture, to tease, to taunt the overextended, engorged nub she found there begging for her touch. Her other arm, her fingers plunging tirelessly, deeply, unerringly hitting her Light Slayer's sweet spot each time. The sweat was rolling off her back, her own hips pumped in time, rocking hard into each backward thrust of her Light Slayer.

"Yes... want... to... cum... for... you..." She panted out, lifting her head and turning it as far as she could so she could see her Dark Slayer's eyes. "...just... for... you... Faith..."

Time stopped for a moment for them as their eyes locked. They might have been acting, rutting like animals in heat, but underlying it all was the deep-rooted respect, protectiveness and love they felt for each other. And this, despite what roles they might be playing at, was the heart, the soul, of all they were together.

The Dark Slayer moved forward and kissed her Light Slayer with infinite care, tenderness and love. Sealing the promises, they had made to each other almost a year ago at the waterfall.

Time started again as their kiss grew more passionate, more demanding, more carnal and now it was time for the Dark Slayer to deliver on a promise she had made a little bit after she had carried her Light Slayer into the cottage.

"Cum for me, B..." she whispered against full, soft lips.

At those whispered words it gathered, building, making all her muscles lock down, her breath stop, then explode from her when she felt those fingers drive into her again and another drift up to enter her where no one ever had before. She slammed back into her Dark Slayer, rising up, lifting both of them. A scream of unbridled ecstasy shaking the very rafters as one after another shockwave tore through her, never-ending, the next starting before the last had finished and still her Dark Slayer moved deeply within her, taking her to that place over and over again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She woke to dark-chocolate, loving eyes staring down at her. She smiled up adoringly at her mate.

"That was..."

"...don't even think about saying an appetizer, Faith!" She teased gently, chuckling at the innocent look Faith tried to give her.

"No Giz that was the main course." She planted a soft kiss on already kiss-swollen lips.

"Ummmm hmmmm..." Buffy murmured, not quite believing her.

"I was more thinkin' it was time for dessert..." Faith gave her a little leer and puppy-dog eyes.

"Faith I don't think I could... hell, I don't think I'll be able to for another week at least..."

"Not even for me?" Faith purred seductively, then pulled one of Buffy's own tricks on her and started writing 'F loves B' on her chest repeatedly.

In total disbelief, she once again felt a shudder of desire ripple through her. "Ummm.... maybe... but only once... and only for you..." She chuckled, not quite believing she actually agreed.

"Good, 'cause I still have one more promise to keep."

"What promise is that?"

"To make slow, tender, gentle love 'with' you, B."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She felt even the slightest movement of Buffy underneath her, heard each hitch of her breath, catching even the smallest of nuances in her expression. Felt the heat of her skin whispering against her own, the hot wash of Buffy's breath against her face and neck, heard the murmured words of love, need, passion, watched as the pleasure transform her face. It was magnificent. It was breathtaking and it awed and humbled her. The beauty that was Buffy captivated her; she caught her mouth in a tender, breath-stealing kiss. Both gentle and giving as she pulled Buffy even closer to her and she rocked to her lover's need, giving her everything she was. It was in the intimacy of her worshipping touch, in every kiss, in every brush of their skin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The feel of Faith moving above her was exquisite, but it wasn't nearly as exquisite as the love that stared back at her in those soft doe-eyes. Nothing escaped her attention, not the softest of sighs, the slightest jump of a muscle under her adoring hands, not the sweet, musky taste of Faith's skin on her tongue and lips. Nor the bliss writing itself across Faith's face, it was glorious, it took her breath away and it awed and humbled her. The beauty that was Faith enthralled her and every part of her cried out, celebrated when Faith kissed her with such tenderness, with so much love that it melted her soul. Everything she was, everything she felt was in each of her touches, each of her kisses, in the very pores of her flesh that whispered so intimately against her soul-mate, Faith.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mine..." she whispered in awe against her mate-mark.

"Yours..." was whispered back just as softly, with just as much awe.

She bit down daintily, reverently on her mark upon her mate. The flesh beneath her teeth yielded, opened, and welcomed her as if it had a mind of its own. A part of her realizing she hadn't bitten hard enough to break the skin, yet still there was the taste of blood in her mouth, on her lips, only it was sweet, instead of coppery and bitter, making her own blood sing in return. She lifted her head, joining their mouths in a gentle caress accepting the promise, the oath that her mate just made to her.

"Mine..." was whispered in awe against her mate-mark to her after their kiss ended.

"Yours..." she whispered back just as softly in awe.

She felt her mate's teeth on her mate-mark biting down just as softly, just as reverently as she had. Then her own flesh yielded, opened, welcomed, her mate in return, as if it too, had a mind of its own. Her mate lifted her head and she tasted her own blood, just as sweet as her mate's, as her mate joined their mouths in another gentle caress and the promise, the oath that she had made to her mate was accepted in return.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Dark Slayer whispered to her mate how beautiful she was, how much she loved her, needed her in between kisses. Her heart stopped beating as Buffy's head arched back, her eyes opening and locking with her own, sharing her pleasure, telling of her love. Faith fell into those expressive eyes. She heard Buffy gasp her name as a soul-searing climax claimed her, and the beautiful sight her eyes beheld swept Faith away...

...And then Buffy felt her own heart stop as she brought 'her Faith' to the same plateau carrying her away in the same soul-searing climax. And she too fell into the expressive eyes of her mate and was swept away by the beautiful sight her eyes beheld.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She slowly eased her lover down from her devastating climax, pulling Buffy tightly into her embrace. Holding her trembling body securely within her loving, strong arms as Buffy buried her face into her chest and clung to her. Faith clung just as tightly to Buffy, burying her face into Buffy's soft hair and neck. Her heart was thundering, pounding against her ribs and she waited for it to explode. From out of nowhere the fears, the insecurities, the huge mistake she had almost made, the relief, the love, everything, nothing, all of it, all at once crashed down on her, taking her emotions on a rollercoaster ride at incredibly impossible speeds, leaving her feeling exposed, vulnerable, raw.

All of it began to pour out of her against her will, the tears falling softly from beneath her tightly closed lids. She didn't know what she would do if she ever lost Buffy, she just knew she wouldn't survive. And she clung to Buffy who was her touchstone, her soul, her lifeblood, her air and her light in the darkness that she had lived in for most of her life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy hung onto Faith's trembling body tightly. She was reeling from all that had transpired between them today. Reeling from the knowledge that she had almost pushed Faith away from her over the last few weeks, when her only goal had been to bring them even closer together. She felt Faith's trembling cease then start again almost immediately and at first, she thought she was laughing, that was until she felt the hot wash of Faith's tears bathing her neck.

"Faith? Baby... what's wrong?" Buffy ran her hands soothingly over Faith's hair, her back, her shoulders. "Faith, please baby, tell me what's wrong." She pulled the Dark Slayer closer to her, holding her tightly. She felt acutely how exposed, vulnerable, raw her Dark Slayer felt, as a whirlwind of other emotions, images, almost all the Dark Slayer was feeling, had been feeling, thinking about over the last few weeks sped to her in an echo and her arms tightened instinctively. "It's okay baby... Everything is gonna be okay... Let it out, let it all out..." she cooed lovingly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She clung to Buffy like she was her lifeline and in some ways she was right now. She felt almost nauseous from the rollercoaster ride her emotions were taking her on. Everything, not just the last few weeks was flashing through her mind. From the very first time her mother had hit her, to accidentally staking Allen Finch, to trying to claw the blood off her hands, to finding love with Buffy, to being in Glory's hell, to their night at the waterfall, to earlier today. The voices in her head were screaming, scratching, clawing, all trying to be heard. From her mother's to Johnny's, to the scared, abused, small child that lived inside of her, to the voice that had always been 'her', to Angel's, to Buffy's, everyone she had ever known, all of them, all at once and she just wanted them all to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

And surprisingly enough they did and when they did, the rollercoaster ride her emotions had been on came to a screeching stop. She snuggled in deeper to Buffy, loosening her death hold, her tears slowing and then finally stopping.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to ruin everything." She mumbled jaggedly into Buffy's neck.

"You didn't ruin anything baby... You couldn't..." Buffy softly told her, "Are you ready to talk about it?"

Faith just shook her head no against Buffy's neck. She needed a few minutes to try to process all of it. Make some semblance out of it, figure out what the hell just happened.

"Okay... that's okay... I'll be right here ready, you know when you're ready. I'll be ready to listen, when you're ready... To talk and I'll... Did umm... that make sense?"

Faith didn't have to look to know that Buffy's face had that cute scrunched up look she got when she was confused. "Yeah B, it did..." she half chuckled and while she was still feeling vulnerable, exposed, raw, being held by Buffy right now made her feel peaceful, sheltered and protected too. She wanted to keep that feeling so she whispered softly, "Just hold me for a while..."

"Always... always Fai..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She rested against Buffy trying to gather her thoughts together now that the carnival ride in her head had stopped. Talking about her feelings, asking for help, expressing her fears still didn't come easily for her. She wondered if it ever would. She was tired of always being a hairsbreadth away from losing everything she worked so hard to achieve, of always being a fraction of an inch away from losing the life she had struggled, suffered untold pain to build before she opened her mouth or reached out. She was tired of the part of herself that lived in fear and let that fear control her. And she was tired of always fighting for everyone else but herself, of always putting everyone else's needs, wants, dreams, all of it, above her own. There was nothing that said at times she couldn't come first or at least what she wanted, needed for herself couldn't be equal with those she loved.

All those years of feeling worthless, second best, no good, hating herself and a host of other emotions that pushed, helped her to drag herself down into the gutter and turn herself into exactly what she had been told she was her whole life were over. She had no intention of living up or down as it were to 'their' expectations of her anymore, the only person's expectations she was going to live up to from now on were her own. She had been allowing herself to fall into old habits, had been following that downward spiral again, listening to those subtle sly voices from her past, instead of listening to the voice in her head that was 'her' and listening to her heart and soul. And that was going to end right here, right now, she could still feel them, the voices of her past in there waiting for their chance and she knew if she remained silent they would get that chance. She was still a little confused, still worried, still felt raw, exposed and vulnerable, but she wasn't going to let that stop her.

She sat up, gently detangling herself from Buffy. She reached out and pulled Buffy up until she sat facing her. She almost started to cry again, when Buffy reached out and softly, tenderly brushed the wet tracks of her tears from her face.

"Over the last few weeks I've felt like I was losing you B. At first, I thought it was kinda cute, you babbling all the time and just thought you were feeling stressed out. Since you always babble when you're stressed, like you did during finals. The first week or so it didn't really bother me - bother me - in a bad way - that we weren't spending a lot of time together, I just figured you were busy with the dojo and other stuff. I mean, I know we can't be together twenty-four hours a day like we are here but... As the days went on, I realized that you were avoiding me and not just being alone or in the same room with me, but avoiding actually talking to me about anything. I walked into a room and you practically ran out of it. If I asked you a question about us or started to talk about things we've planned together, you either found a reason to not talk then or started babbling about everything but that and never answering me. And you started looking at me in this sad, worried sort of way. And I couldn't quite figure out what it meant." She stopped and gnawed on her bottom lip in frustration, none of this was coming out right.

"I could feel all different types of things from you through our bond. Fear, confusion, sadness and I didn't have a clue where it was coming from. I just knew that you were hiding something from me and that you were afraid. I should have said something then but I didn't. I started to get scared, worried and I pulled away. And... and it just kept getting worse, my stomach was in constant knots and these thoughts I didn't want to be having about us, about our relationship started to creep in. I was terrified of what you were going to tell me and ashamed of what I was beginning to think. By the time the day arrived for us to leave to come here, I thought you were going to leave me, I thought that even though you still loved me, what we had just wasn't enough or right for you. I could feel you pulling away from me and not just physically, but inside too. But I pushed it down that day, I tried to ignore it, I tried not to let the fear own me. I wanted to believe that you would come to me, tell me what was going on, I wanted to trust what I knew in my heart, soul about you, about us and not what my head was trying to tell me." She stopped again and ran a trembling hand through her hair thinking how odd it was to be having this conversation right now. Most people would have had this conversation prior to spending the last few hours fucking and making love, more passionately, more intensely then they ever had before, not after.

Would they ever do things in any remotely normal way?

"I thought I had beaten them back too B. I mean it seemed like it, it seemed like things were a little more normal when we got back to the cottage. But then we went to the barbeque at Lily's and it was there again. The fear, the doubt, the insecurities and it got all confusing. I started to blame myself; convince myself that it was me. That somehow I was pushing you away, doing something wrong, forcing you to not want to be with me. Thinking I wasn't good enough, wondering why you'd ever want to be with someone like me. It was confusing, I couldn't figure out how it was I knew you loved me, were in love with me and at the same time, I was having these thoughts, these feelings and I overloaded. And I put it all on my shoulders, it was all my fault, it was me that was pushing you into doing something that I couldn't even bear to think about. I had fucked up again, I wasn't good enough, just like I always had been and I felt like I was betraying you, betraying us and all we are together." She took a shaky breath, she wasn't done yet, she had yet to admit to Buffy what she had thought was going on between her and Lily. She was ashamed of those thoughts and she dropped her eyes from Buffy's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy reached out and grasped both of Faith's hands with her own. It was amazing how they could share this deep bond, share their feelings, see images of what the other was thinking and yet still be both so insecure as to doubt what was there. She had those same thoughts, feeling, had been going through something very similar over the last few weeks as Faith, though for different reasons. She took her own shaky breath realizing how very close they had come to pushing each other away, but thanks to the Immortals, they hadn't. She couldn't help wonder how they had gotten to that point in the first place. She let go of one of Faith's hands. She reached up, tucked a stray piece of hair behind Faith's ear, then gently cupped her face, her thumb brushing softly against her cheekbone. A small sigh of relief escaped her when Faith leaned into her touch and slowly raised her eyes back up to her own.

Their eyes locked, Faith's words echoed through both of their minds and in that brief second they shared a sort of epiphany, it wasn't on any real conscious level, it was just simply an innate knowing. Not only about themselves, but about each other. Earlier today they both had an inkling, a beginning, a start at understanding, about what had happened, not only right now, but the last few weeks, over the last year and what they had been deluding themselves into thinking.

And they drifted together into that space, into that place they shared because of their bond. Only this was the first time they had ever gone there while completely awake and not while they were meditating, like they had when Glory had them. Here in this place between waking and sleeping they could see, feel each other and hear without actual words what the other was saying and thinking. It was a concept that neither could grasp in a tangible way, it just simply was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had been na�ve to think that a year was enough time to heal all the wounds they had both suffered, more so for Faith, than Buffy. After all that had happened to Faith in her short lifetime, they realized that a very small part of Faith would always carry the fear of being rejected, of not being good enough, worthy enough to be loved, of being abused, and of being once more left broken and all alone.

And Buffy was old enough, despite her age and even wise enough to realize now, that the lessons taught during childhood are the hardest ones to overcome. Realized just now in this in-between place, how na�ve that belief had been to think that one year filled with love, happiness and so much more, could change, fade, eliminate all the years of abuse, pain and mental torture that Faith had endured.

And Faith in her desperation, in her need to put the past behind her as quickly as possible, as far as possible away from her and move on, had convinced herself, made herself believe that they were dead, they were gone, that they had become unlearned. It wasn't until today and right now in this in-between place, she realized just how na�ve that belief had been.

Childhood lessons are the ones that shaped a person, who they became, how they not only saw themselves but how others saw them. They are lessons carried throughout a person's lifetime. And Faith had been taught the same lessons over and over again during her childhood and then yet again in Glory's hell. Taught, she was no good, was disgusting, worthless, unlovable, trash, a whore, a plaything, taught them cruelly, harshly, callously, sadistically with brutal words, blows and in other ways that neither of them could bear to think about. But the images, the lessons came to them anyway. She had been taught those lessons... and taught them... and taught them... time after time, until she believed them, until she became them, until they had become constant whispers in her ears, in her head, and until they had become permanent scars etched upon her soul.

Scars they both foolishly thought had faded away into nothing. Scars, they both now realized might fade, but might also never fade completely away. Not even with the most tender loving care, not even with years filled with love and laughter. They were scars, memories, lessons etched in the deepest, remotest part of Faith's soul and they might always own a piece of her soul. They would rear their hideous heads from time to time, perhaps in a nightmare or a chill down the spine or an ingrained flinch from a known loving hand or an irrational reaction to a seemly perfectly normal situation. And rear their heads they had, over the last few weeks.

And they both knew they should have seen it, they should have felt it, but they hadn't. In their foolishness, in their need to heal, they had thought they had laid the last of those fears to rest.

But they knew better now and the knowing could only make them stronger, wiser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And Buffy 'knew' it wasn't a burden, nor a chore this knowledge, it was a blessing that only strengthened her love for Faith even more. A blessing that would open her eyes just that much wider, allow her to see things that she had failed to notice before. She would gladly spend every day; every minute if need be, of her life reassuring, proving with actions and words to her Dark Slayer, her soul-mate that she was none of those thing. Show her instead all the beautiful things she was and show her that she was very loved and that Buffy loved her, unconditionally, the good, the bad, all of her and would throughout eternity. That she would do everything and anything within her power to help Faith keep the scars and the fears that lived inside of her, might live there for the rest of her life, at bay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And Faith 'knew' that she had been afraid to admit that the scars, the hurt, even the fear was there still, not always, but sometimes. Afraid perhaps because she might be seen as weak, if she had a nightmare, or a flashback - daymare, or flinched in fear from a loving touch or that for no reason at all she couldn't bear the thought of being touched by anyone after all this time had past. As if there were a timetable on how long it took to heal from the things that had been inflicted, forced upon her and she had long since passed the expiration date.

Faith 'knew' just how stupid that was. Another 'knowing' came to her, it was never others who saw her as weak, it was only herself who saw her that way. In one of those rare moments of clarity she saw exactly how strong inside she really was, finally getting a glimpse of the inner strength that others saw and that had helped her survive all that had happened to her. It empowered her and in doing so it took away a little of the power her fears held. Admitting to it, to her fears, didn't make her weak, it made her human. As she drifted in this in-between place she 'KNEW' that she wasn't alone, that she never would be and if she needed to she could always turn to Buffy and Buffy would do everything in her power to help her keep those fears at bay. And that too, just made her stronger and made her love Buffy even more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were common scars that they both shared now too and not just the ones they shared because of what had happened to them in Glory's hell. It seemed for both of them happiness wasn't in the cards. Seemed as if when they found it, it was always taken away. As if being Slayers meant there could be no true, no real happiness or love, no real life. The Watchers Council had tried many times to make them see that, tried many times to keep them isolated from the rest of the world. There was always something to disrupt the happiness, to pull it away, to change it into something else. So many secrets came with being a Slayer, secrets that, it seemed, when revealed, made other's turn away. And it had happened to them, time and time again.

Yet, together they had found that happiness, that love, with the only other person in the world who could understand them completely, another Slayer. And they clung to that with determination, with their sheer inner strength of will and the love they had for each other. Managing in the face of what would have destroyed others, in the bowels of Glory's hell to find an even greater respect, trust and love for each other. They had categorically beaten the odds hands down, they had defied everything the Watchers Council had tried to teach, to tell them and they both knew it was why they were still alive and did what no Slayer before them had ever done. They had lived longer, had a family, friends and had found love, happiness, joy and so much more.

But still and all, they both had come to accept there would always be a teeny-tiny part of themselves that would be listening for the other shoe to fall.

And while accepting that small facet of their lives as Slayers wasn't the problem, they 'knew' that they were allowing that jaded view of life to affect them as a couple. Forcing in a way to make the other shoe fall, creating problems where there was none, closing themselves off from each other instead of reaching for the other and admitting to their fears. Perhaps it was because of all that had happened to them, between them, perhaps because for so long they never believed that they could have all they had. But the time for perhaps and the time for disbelief had long since passed and belonged firmly in the past.

And yes, they both 'knew' they would still be listening for that other shoe to fall, but from now on it would be 'the Slayers' listening, not Faith and Buffy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In those brief flashing seconds within the in-between place, they absorbed, processed and felt what the other had thought and felt. And 'knew' that just knowing all of it didn't solve the problems, didn't make them suddenly disappear, didn't mean that from time to time they both might slip back into old habits and it didn't mean that the healing process had magically completed itself. There wasn't any time limit on healing and some scars they both now 'knew' might never heal completely. But what this 'knowing' did do was make them aware. They both 'knew' now, that silence gave power to those hidden fears, scars and that speaking aloud about all of them, bringing them out into the open, into the light would take away a little more power from those hidden fears and scars.

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"Since we've been here these feelings, thoughts grew, gained control and I started... started..." Faith kept her eyes locked with Buffy's. Something had passed between them in the seconds between her stopping then starting to speak again. There was a clarity in her mind about the thoughts and feelings she had been having over the last few weeks and more acutely since they had been here. While she didn't want to tell Buffy what she had been thinking happened or might happen, she 'knew' she had to speak even those fears aloud.

"I started to feel, or rather, I felt unworthy of you, of my life, our life together. And, over the last few days here, those little voices kept reminding me of how much time you were or had been spending with Lily over the last few weeks. I got jealous of how easy it was for you to be with her and how you seemed to be avoiding me even more, pulling away, turning to her instead of me. And I... I thought you were trying to spare my feelings, not hurt me and trying to find a way to tell me you didn't want to be lovers anymore. That it wasn't me you wanted butLilyandIthoughtyouandshethatyouwereorhadalreadybeentogether." Faith rushed out the last few words, took a quick deep breath and started again. "I was angry, scared, jealous, and I shut down and pulled away. I thought I had lost you, believed that I deserved it and it wasn't until this afternoon that Lilith and Clotho made me realize how wrong I was. How I was letting my old insecurities, those fucking voices from my past cloud what I knew was true."

"I'm sorry... I never meant to make you feel that way." Buffy whispered softly. She had royally fucked up and caused a lot of needless pain for both of them. "I was too caught up in my own insecurities, my own fears. I was acting like, as Mars told me so succinctly, 'a goddamn babbling, brainless, stereotypical, blonde twit'." She paused when Faith gave her a little smile at Mars' description of her. She gave a small smile in return.

She felt responsible for all that had happened, for making Faith feel once again all those things she had while she was growing up. She had been so caught up in her own little world full of ridiculously stupid insecurities and fears she hadn't noticed what it was doing to Faith, to them. She should have known better, everyone but Faith had known what she was planning and if she had been truly making a mistake or any of her fears, insecurities had a just reason one of them would have told her. Instead, they had all encouraged her, tried to tell her that she was being silly. Not one of them would have stood idly by and let her set herself up to be hurt or rejected. She had let her past relationships, the fall out from them, dictate, impose themselves on her relationship with Faith.

She brushed her thumb along Faith's cheek one last time and then got up off the bed. She started pacing back and forth, watching Faith out of the corner of her eye as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"It's funny you know - not in a ha-ha funny way - how we both were feeling the same thing only for different reasons. Granted you would have never even begun to feel that way if I hadn't been acting like such an ass. I never meant any of this to happen, I let my own past make me feel insecure, fearful, not that you didn't love me but that you would reject me, leave me. Like Angel, like Riley, like Giles, like my Mom. I guess in a way we both, at least a little bit, are slaves to our pasts. Conditioned by what has happened to us." Her voice was soft, reflective and she too realized that something had passed between them earlier. There was a clarity in her own mind about her actions, reactions from over the last few weeks. But just like Faith, she knew she had to speak them aloud, after what happened or almost happened, Faith deserved that, they both deserved it.

"And you're right; I was avoiding you, hiding something from you. But not for the reasons you thought. I should have come and talked to you, told you what I was feeling, instead I let my own little voices control my actions. It hurts me that I made you feel that way about yourself again; I never want you to feel that way ever again. And what was making me act so secretive, so nervous, so fearful was supposed to show you just how much I do love you, believe in you, trust in you, in us and instead it just did the opposite." She stopped pacing and moved to stand in front of Faith.

"I would never, not ever - Hell!!! The thought never even crossed my fucking mind! - Cheat on you!" Her voice rose in volume, slightly indignant, slightly angry, but full of love. She was angry with herself and she was angry at Faith for even thinking she would cheat on her. She had never cheated on anyone in her life and she could have if she had wanted to, but she never had and never would. But she understood why or where Faith's thoughts had come from and so she let that anger die a quick death. Though she tried to stop it, she felt one of her babbling episodes sneaking up from behind her.

"I love you, you are everything to me. Why would I want anyone else? My world begins and ends with you Faith. Why would I need anyone else, when I have you? Why the fuck would I even think about cheating on you or actually be cheating on you when all I've been trying to do is figure out how the fuck to ask you to marry me?!!? And being terrified you would laugh at me or say no or who the hell knows what...." When her brain finally caught up with her fast moving, babbling mouth she snapped it shut so hard her jaw actually hurt.

Goddamn it! She couldn't believe, especially after all that had happened in the last few weeks, that she just blew it all to friggin' hell! Then she went off into one of Faith's own famous tirades. Mumbling to herself, pacing and throwing her hands around like a lunatic.

"Oh that was just beautiful Summers! All that planning, all that anguish, all those days of stomach cramps, babbling like an idiot, acting like an dip-shit! Making Faith feel like shit, hurting her and for what?!!? So that you could just babble your stupid head off and fucking blow it!!! Gonna get the fucking genius award, I am! Real romantic I am... Idiot, stupid ass I am, oh Christ. I just fucked everything up!" She stopped suddenly, twirled around and pointed her finger at Faith. "Just stay there, don't move, don't say a word I'll be right back!" She turned around again and ran at full Slayer speed to the front door, stopped abruptly and almost slammed into it, turned around yet again and yelled, "AND FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID!!!" Then she spun on her heels and ran right out the front door buck-naked.

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Faith couldn't have moved or spoken if she tried. She was in shock, in a big way. She was positive she had just imagined the whole day. She had to be dreaming. She didn't even blink when Buffy ran out the front door in all her glory. She heard Buffy talking outside but none of it registered, all she kept hearing were Buffy's words from seconds before. She was still rooted to her spot on the bed, eyes wide, unblinking, gape-mouthed like a fish out of water when Buffy came tearing back into the cottage, Dusk and Cinder hot on her heels with the ever present stuffed panthers hanging out of their mouths.

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Buffy skidded to a halt in front of Faith, dropped down to one knee and flipped open the box in her right hand with her thumb. She clasped their left hands, gulped a few times to push down the boulder in the middle of her throat, then tried to get her erratic breathing and her thundering heart under control. Wishing the whole time there was something she could do about the zillion butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach too.

"I wish I had a pretty speech planned or a poem memorized but I don't. I'm not much better at expressing what it is that I feel inside than you are and so I'm going to take my own advice for once and just say what's in my heart. I've said it before. I love you doesn't even come close, is inadequate to express what it is that I feel for you. All I have to give you is what I feel for you in my heart. We balance each other... we just fit together. Like two jigsaw puzzles that are separate, whole puzzles by themselves, but together are a bigger picture, are just simply more whole when side-by-side, when connected together. All I know is that with you I am just simply more. You've always told me I was the light in the darkness that was your life and what I don't think you know or realize is that you are that same light for me. Without you in my life, Faith, there would be no light, only darkness. When I close my eyes at night, it's always of you I dream, of us. When I see myself years from now, it is always with you by my side, as my equal, my lover, my best friend, my wife, my partner, my spouse. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, by your side, as your equal, your lover, your best friend, your wife, your partner, your spouse. Will you marry me; join with me, hand-fast, whatever you want to call it? Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife and allowing me to become yours, Faith?"

She kept her eyes locked with Faith's as she waited for her to answer. As the seconds ticked by, she could feel each and every single drop of sweat slowly, tortuously dripping down the nape of her neck. The butterflies in her stomach kept right on multiplying like sex-crazed bunnies. Her left hand grew cold and clammy and she felt herself starting to panic when Faith still didn't answer her and just stared at her not even blinking. After what felt like a few eternities, she caught a glimpse of movement out of the corners of her eyes. She moved her head just slightly so she could see what Faith was doing and she broke out into an ear-splitting grin at what she saw.

"Faith... baby..." She said gently and waited for some sort of recognition to reach Faith's eyes. "Baby you can stop pinching yourself, you're awake, you're not dreaming." After blinking a few times, Faith gave Buffy a look of such soul-searing love that Buffy forgot her own name. "So will you Faith?"

'Yes...' Faith mouthed silently, still dazed, still pinching herself, not yet quite convinced she wasn't dreaming, that was until Buffy decided to pinch her once to prove she wasn't dreaming. The pinch broke her out of her act-like-a-silent-marble-statue mode and she launched herself at Buffy, raining kisses all over Buffy's face between ecstatically whispered yeses as they tumbled back onto the floor.

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Buffy rolled them over after returning Faith's kisses with just as much enthusiasm for a few minutes. She sat up pulling Faith with her; once again, she knelt on one knee. She knew it was corny, but she could of have cared less. Her brows furrowed when she realized she had lost the ring-box during their kissing session. She jumped when she felt a cold wet nose poke her side. She looked over and saw Dusk sitting next to her holding the ring-box delicately between his teeth grinning at her. She took the ring out of the box, whispered her thanks to him, and turned back towards Faith.

She lifted up the madly grinning Faith's left hand with her right. She slipped the simple, but eloquent black Leacann Celtic knotwork ring onto Faith's ring finger. The design of the ring while plain, was powerful in its own way, it was simply two strands intricately woven together giving the appearance of being only one unbroken strand, but in fact, was actually two separate, but equal strands, like the Slayers' themselves, one but two. The ring was also one of the traditional Celtic wedding bands. Only this particular ring and its mate, which Buffy didn't have, were special.

"The two strands woven together symbolize eternal love and or faith." Buffy smiled at the irony, a smile that Faith quickly returned. "Only this ring and its mate are special. When I told Lilith and Clotho that I was going to ask you to join with me, they not only suggested a store to go to, but also came with me to pick out a ring. I picked out a silver Leacann ring, something about the design called to me, but when I told the little old woman that owned the shop I wanted it, she wouldn't sell it to me. Instead, she told me that she would specially make the ring for me to give to you, herself. She said our rings wouldn't be made out of silver and then refused to tell me anything else, which I didn't like and I um... kinda freaked on her a little. Demanding that she tell me what kind of game she was playing and stamping my foot like a two-year-old insisting that the rings be made from silver like 'I' wanted and not out of whatever it was that 'she' wanted. But the old woman didn't say anything she just gave me this knowing smile as if she had some kind of secret knowledge. Then she shooed the two Immortals - who were finding the whole thing funny - and me out of the shop. She shouted after us to come back in a week to pick up the ring. Had I not been so nervous, pissed and stressed out, I probably would have figured out right then that there was a reason that Lilith and Clotho took me to that shop, but I didn't. It wasn't until after they dragged me outside that they told me the old woman was a Wicca of the highest order, a sort of seer, and that they had their rings made there too. Then they told me the symbolism of the rings and why they would be custom-made for us and what it was that made them special. Do you like it? Do you like the ring, Faith?"

Faith smiled up at Buffy, it fit perfectly, but then she knew that it would. So perfect in fact, it was almost as if the Wicca had made it right on her finger. The second Buffy had slipped it on her, it had felt, just simply put, right. Had felt familiar, like it had always been there, was meant to be there. As if it was connected to her, but not just to her, but to Buffy too. "I like B. I like it a lot, more then a lot." She gave Buffy a toothy grin; she jumped up from the floor startling Buffy, mumbling under her breath, "Damn witches, they're too sneaky for their own good."

"Faith?" Buffy looked at her confused, wondering what the comment meant and where she was going.

"Stay right here. I'll be right back, I'm thirsty, I'll get you something too, 'K. Why don't you get up off the floor and back on the bed?" She smirked at Buffy, "Hmmm... maybe the chaise lounge would be better, considering what someone did to the bed..."

"Smart ass!" Buffy yelled after Faith's sexy, retreating back.

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"Tell me why the rings are special B." Faith said, distracting Buffy before she noticed she had only brought back one glass of sun-tea instead of two. She sat down next to Buffy on the chaise lounge and snuggled up close.

"Well, they're modeled after the Leacann Celtic wedding band. But unlike the original the ring isn't made from silver, which is obvious, as you can see, since your ring is black and mine is supposed to be white. Sort of like the yin and yang. Both rings were made from some kind of precious metal that's magical and we are supposed to wear our rings before we join. The reason you get the black ring and I get the white are probably not for what you might think. I know they weren't for me. The black ring symbolizes inner strength, courage, empowerment and pure love. All the things you have, the things that enabled you to survive all you did, the things that make you who you are. The white ring symbolizes serenity, nurturing, inner peace and pure love. All things they said I learned from my Mom, my family, my friends, things that I now possess and make up who I am. They said what each of those rings symbolize are things we've learned from each other and have given to each other. That each ring will absorb a part of our essence while we wear it before we're joined. The woven strands are a physical symbol, representation of our soul-thread, of us. The night before the ceremony, we give the rings to Atropos for safekeeping. On the day we join, the rings are placed in our left hands, then we clasp our hands and they are bound together with the cord we make. After the cord is removed, when we open our joined hands instead of a black ring and a white ring, each ring will have one black strand and one white strand woven together, making them a physical, spiritual representation of us, of our souls, which are woven together, separate, but one."

"So where is the white ring, your ring B?" Faith questioned a twinkle in her eyes.

"Um... well, they said you have to get it for me."

"Hmmmm well, I think I can manage that." Faith rasped. She leaned down, capturing Buffy's mouth in a kiss that spoke of promises, trust and never-ending love. When their kissed ended, she whispered softly, "Don't open your eyes. Keep them closed for me B. Please." She gently picked up Buffy's left hand with her right. "I love you B," she whispered huskily, tenderly as she slipped the white Leacann Celtic knotwork ring on Buffy's finger.

Buffy's eyes shot open and she looked down at her hand stunned. Like Faith, she had instantly felt like the ring belonged there, was meant to be there, felt familiar and was somehow connected not just to her, but to Faith as well. "How did you... how did you know?"

"I didn't. I got this a few weeks ago, it's your anniversary present. I asked Red and Blondie where I should go to find a ring and they told me to ask Lilith and Clotho, so I did. They took me to this obscure little jewelry shop in a small town about two hours away from Sunnydale. It was strange; I walked into the store and right over to the ring, almost as if it were calling to me. The black one was right next to the white one in the display case. Me being me, I liked the black one, but... but it was the white one I wanted, that felt right to get for you. At least now, I know why those two were snickering like three-year-olds. Not to mention how the witches acted after I showed it to them when I picked it up a week later. I guess the old woman at the shop either knew, 'cause she was a witch or the Immortals told her I was coming, in either case I'm guessing she made the white ring when she made my black one. And even more I'm gonna take a leap of 'faith' and say the black one on my finger was the one in the case that day next to the white one that's on your finger now." Faith paused, took a deep breath, smiled softly, "The day I went there and picked out the ring... I... I... I was getting it B, hoping I would find the courage to ask you to marry me when I finally gave it to you."

"You would have found it too; I know you would have Faith. Just like I know I would have said yes. For me that would have been, is the only answer."

They leaned towards each other at the same time their hearts filled with something that went beyond just simply love. Their mouths met softly, with the utmost care, they kissed tenderly, sharing their breath, sharing their souls and at peace within themselves and with each other.

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...Ain't it crazy ~ For a moment there I just gave up trying ~ But now I see ~ You can let the light in ~ You can begin again ~ Ain't it crazy ~ I lay me down in this sweet perfection ~ I am a witness to my resurrection...
...Heal me lift me ~ Take me to the waterside ~ Drop me in let me swim ~ Let everyone know I'll be coming home again...
...Make no mistake ~ I'm wide-awake ~ Ain't it crazy...
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