She stayed motionless in front of the sink after she finished the dishes, trying to sort through the jumbled, conflicting thoughts running riot in her head. She realized at some point that she was spending too much time thinking about all that could go wrong or might happen, instead of just enjoying the way she was feeling, enjoying the way that Buffy could make her feel. She was focusing on the negatives instead of the positives and forcing the fears to the surface. A part of her still believing that after all that had happened that somehow her feeling this way was wrong. This morning had been different because she had been concentrating on Buffy and not on herself, and had let herself just feel. She further realized that this would probably happen again, would probably happen for a long time to come, but that over time it would lessen as she began to believe within herself that she deserved all the good things, all the beautiful thing that life had to offer.

She knew what she felt for Buffy was right, knew that wanting to make love with Buffy was natural, was a beautiful thing. She had been reminded, shown that this morning and like she had all those months ago Faith made the decision not to let her fears, her insecurities, and certainly not what the two depraved people who had raised her to believe about herself, rule her life anymore. She deserved this life, she had worked hard on slaying her demons, was still working on making amends, finding redemption, and she wasn't going to let them, any of them, and not herself destroy this second chance or take it away from her.

It was time she started to learn how to love herself, it was time for her to start seeing and believing all the things that Buffy, Angel, Dawn, the Scoobs, the LA crew and now the Immortals saw in her and gave herself the chance to be happy. And maybe in the long run being happy was the thing that scared her the most, it was something she was for the most part completely unfamiliar with, having only known it sporadically over her twenty years. It was something she had never thought she ever deserved or could be and now after all this time it was something she found that she had started to believe again. But no more, she owned her life, she had control, they didn't, her dark side didn't, the person she had always been deep down inside did and she had every intention of making not only her own dreams come true, but Buffy's as well "Hey," she said as she walked out of the kitchen. She was feeling a little bit awkward, a lot shy and nervous, not to mention still aroused. All and all though she felt good, the fear was still there around the edges but she felt confident that she could handle it, and, if not, she had Buffy there to help her work through it.

"Hey back." Buffy was sitting on the chaise lounge, she had been idly thumbing through the Piers Anthony book they were currently reading from the Incarnates series. She searched Faith's face as she listened to what their bond was telling her, all of it came to her. She smiled encouragingly at Faith and just opened her arms to her.

Faith flew across the room and curled up into Buffy's lap, her arms going around her at the same time she lay her head down on Buffy's shoulder.

"How did you know?" Faith's voice was low just barely above a whisper.

"Know what?" Buffy started to gently, but firmly massage the back of Faith's neck trying to ease some of the tension she felt beneath her fingertips.

"Well, in the past few weeks every time I got scared or was struggling you were right there. How did you know this time was different; that I wanted to try and work through it myself. You knew even before I did."

"I'm not really sure, it just felt different somehow. It was kind of floating around the edges in the bond and I wasn't really sure if you were even aware of it yet. And I guess I am just relying on my instincts in a way and I just felt like this was something you needed to figure out or deal with on your own. Was I wrong?"

"No, B. You weren't wrong and I did need to figure it out by myself."

"And did you? I mean did you figure it out? Do you want to talk about it?" Buffy leaned her cheek against the top of Faith's head after she finished speaking.

"Yeah I did and no I don't need to talk about it. It was just kind of hard to figure it out while you were in the room, ya know? Then again you probably already know that. You..." Faith paused not sure how to explain herself or say what she wanted to say. She gnawed on her bottom lip for a minute, "You know what I mean right..."

The husky laugh Buffy gave her let Faith know that she knew exactly what she meant. "I have the same problem Fai. I have a hard time thinking about anything other than you and how you make me feel when you are in the same room with me."

Faith started idly playing with the hem of her t-shirt, trying to relax into the warmth that was Buffy and the heat from the fire. She was still nervous, which she knew was ridiculous, it wasn't like she was exactly a virgin, but she just couldn't shake it. She felt Buffy gently lay her hand over her own.

"Thought maybe you might like to read to me for a change." Buffy waved the book at Faith.

Faith sat up a little and away from Buffy turning slightly so she could see her face. She knew Buffy had to feel how nervous she was through their bond. She searched her eyes and for a few brief seconds she wondered if Buffy was seeing her as a broken, frail version of herself. At Buffy slow shake of her head no, Faith knew that wasn't the case. She finally felt, amid all the jumbled thoughts within herself, Buffy's own nervousness. And what she saw in Buffy's eyes, warmth, desire, passion, love and even the lust told her everything she needed to know. Buffy was just giving them the opportunity to relax with each other again. Her B was still there, Faith could see her in the impish, mischievous grin Buffy gave her when she realized that Faith had figured out everything on her own. This time it was Faith who relinquished all control to Buffy, trusting her to lead them wherever she wanted to go.

She handed the book to Faith and smiled at her, there was a little bit of the devil in her eyes that had more gold than normal in them. Faith smiled back at her, her own eyes a little more emerald than normal.

"You sure you want me to read B?" Faith asked her a little hesitantly, she still stumbled a little over some of the words when she read aloud. Reading, other than comic books was not a way she had spent a lot of her free time. She had found however that it was something she really enjoyed. It was doing it aloud though that she wasn't too enthusiastic about.

"Yeah I do... Can't help it just love the sound of your voice."

"Okay."

"Why don't you make yourself comfortable, lean up a little and I'll rub your back. Get rid of some of that tension I can see you've got going on."

"Wonder where all that tension came from B?"

She leaned forward and kissed Buffy. A kiss that was full of passion and love, that set everything Buffy had within her afire, and didn't exactly put out the fire that was running still through Faith's own veins.

"Smart ass... Now read!" Buffy teased her.

Faith just gave Buffy a lopsided grin, then moved to reposition herself. She shifted until she was sitting in-between Buffy's leg. She drew her own knees up to her chest and rested the book on them and started to read aloud.

Buffy reached behind her on the floor, she grabbed up the massage oil she had warming by the fire. She pulled Faith's shirt out from under her and then liberally poured the oil into her own hands. She slid her hands up from the base of Faith's spine to the base of her neck, smiling with each little sigh that escaped from Faith. She fell into both rubbing the tension from Faith's back, neck, shoulders, arms and the sound of Faith's voice as it grew increasingly deeper, huskier, and raspier.

Faith found it harder and harder to keep on reading as Buffy's hands moved over her. Massaging out all the tension, soothing away the nervousness, and setting every piece of skin she touched ablaze with desire. She couldn't help the mumbled moan that escaped her, "B... feels so good..."

She felt Buffy's hands ease up on the pressure they were exerting. Buffy began to move her hands lightly, slowly, smoothing the silky oil into her skin and Faith turned into jello. She gave up the fight and stopped reading, tossing the book to the floor. She lay her head down atop her knees, closed her eyes and just let herself drown in the feelings Buffy's tracing, teasing hands were creating in her.

"This would be easier if we took this off, Fai..."

Buffy's throaty voice sent a chill down Faith's spine. She simply raised her arms and let Buffy remove the t-shirt from her, then she lay her head back down on her knees and fell back into the red haze of desire Buffy was creating in her. After a time, though Faith had no idea how long, she felt Buffy's gentle hands pulling her back to her. Faith leaned back into Buffy and could do nothing but moan as she felt Buffy dribble warm oil over her chest.

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Her head was resting back on Buffy's shoulder, neck arched, she wasn't quite sure how she had ended up in this position, and she really didn't care. At some point she had tried to convince Buffy to remove her t-shirt too only she couldn't quite put a complete sentence together. The only thing she cared about now was the soft caress of Buffy's breath against her neck. She arched her neck even further as she felt Buffy's mouth, her tongue running along it's length. Her eyes closed, she could have sooner stopped breathing before she could stop the little whimpers and moans that escaped from her.

There were little land mines going off all over her body, as she trembled from the desire hammering through her. There was something a little decadent about her being a quivering, naked bundle of need, while Buffy still in her t-shirt continued to give her the most sensual massage Faith had ever had. She was chanting in her head a new mantra of , 'Please B, please B, please B...'

She had wanted her B back, and she was certainly getting her. Buffy's hands were roaming over her in random patterns, her touch light, gentle, caressing, teasing and everything Faith could want. Only she wanted more of it. She tried to turn in Buffy's embrace wanting to touch her in return, wanting her to remove that damn t-shirt that kept Buffy's warm skin from touching her own.

Buffy was totally abandoning herself to what she was feeling, what she was feeling through the bond that Faith was feeling. As she ran her hands, smoothing, rubbing, skimming, stroking the warm oil into Faith's skin. As her fingertips, her hands, her senses, remembered, relished the silky, smooth texture of Faith. Her skin, her sighs, her breath, her smell, everything. As she just remembered Faith. She stilled Faith as she tried to turn around, her arms came around Faith's waist holding her to her, burying her nose in her hair, inhaling the scent that was just her. That slightly, sweet, spicy, musky, scent that was simply just Faith.

"B... I want to touch you too..." Faith managed to get out, it was getting harder to keep a coherent thought in her head as Buffy's hands started to move over her breasts again.

"I need... want to just touch you... It feels like forever since I've touched you and... and... it's all I want right now. All I need. Just want to concentrate on what you're feeling... Want to feel inside me through our bond how you feel when I touch you..."

And Buffy realized that she needed this, needed to know that she too could make Faith feel this way. Needed to erase, or start to erase the bad memories, needed to replace the hurtful touches with her own loving touch. Needed to know that Faith trusted her to keep her safe.

"Please Faith... Please just let me touch you for now..."

And somewhere in the back of her mind Faith knew this had to do with Buffy's need to start erasing his touch from her skin, the same way Faith had needed to start erasing it from Buffy's. So she just gave in and let Buffy have her way and the smile Buffy gave her was blinding.

Then Buffy rewove a web of such desire, such want, such blatant need, and love completely around her that Faith became lost again in a sea of sensations.

Her whole body jumped, arched up into Buffy's hand as she rolled one of her nipples between her fingertips. She turned her head and looked up at Buffy, then Buffy's mouth was on hers, she tasted like strawberries and cream and Faith moaned Buffy's name into the kiss. Her arms reached up and she wrapped them around Buffy's neck pulling Buffy to her to deepen the kiss.

Faith was drowning in the kiss, her heart racing, every part of her awake and calling out for her mate.

Without stopping the kiss Buffy ran her own hands up from Faith's breasts, over the insides of her arms, scraping her nails lightly, knowing that she left a trail of goose-bumps behind them. Then she reversed her direction and made her way back down the inside of Faith's arms. She ran teasing patterns over her chest, stopping briefly to tease a nipple, down to her flat stomach, to run a single finger over the top of the Faith's trim curls. Her other hand roaming where it pleased, lingering in places only to move on to another destination not wanting to leave a piece of Faith skin untouched, unloved.

Buffy pulled back slightly from the kiss and started to tease Faith with light kisses, listening intently to the echoes she was getting from Faith through their bond.

She started to slowly slide her hand into Faith's slick heat, and then something almost hidden flashed in the bond they shared. Something Buffy didn't even think Faith herself was aware of, at least not yet. She stopped the downward trailing of her hand and began to move it back up it's previous path. She trailed kisses down Faith's jaw line, purring from the caress of Faith's breath upon her face, the feel of her trembling with desire in her arms. Then traced a path down the side of Faith's neck, nipping at the sensitive spot she remembered from what felt like an eternity ago. She ran her mouth, her tongue along Faith's collarbone, as her hand slid once more up the inside of one of Faith's arms, not stopping until she clasped Faith's hand with her own.

Buffy slowly brought both their joined hands down away from her neck, she rested them against Faith's stomach. Her other hand continued on it's random path over Faith's body, as her mouth, her tongue, her teeth continued to nip, suck, taste Faith's neck and collarbone. She repositioned their clasped hands so that hers was underneath Faiths, and entwined their fingers. She smiled against Faith's neck when she heard the barely mumbled mantra of her name that Faith was saying.

Buffy glided their entwined hands down over Faith's six-pack stomach, stopping to twirl both their fingers into Faith's cute little belly button. Smiling again at the ripple of Faith's muscles under her fingers that had absolutely nothing to do with how ticklish she was. She moved their hands down further stopping right above the curls that covered Faith's sex. She felt Faith involuntarily raise her hips seeking out her touch.

"B... please..." Faith turned her head and buried it into Buffy's neck.

Her mouth, teeth, tongue, starting their own assault on Buffy's neck. Smiling when she felt Buffy tremble and squirm a little behind her. Her hand that was still behind Buffy's neck, drifted upwards, tangling into Buffy's hair, her fingertips massaging and raking lightly over Buffy's scalp, eliciting a moan from Buffy.

Buffy moved their hands at a torturously slow pace down into Faith's wet, hot, core.

Faith's hips bucked up to greet their fingers, her upper body pressing back into Buffy, she bit down hard on Buffy's neck as she moaned loudly into it.

Buffy let out her own moan at the feel of Faith beneath her fingers. "Oh god Faith... it feels so good to touch you..."

She started to move their entwined hands lightly, gently over all of Faith's slick center, as Faith tried to press up harder into her hand and at the same time tried to force Buffy's hand harder into her. Only Buffy was having none of it. She was determined to touch Faith as lightly, as delicately, as gently as possible.

Faith was in a fog, she was dizzy, on fire, unable to keep still, she continued to suck and bite Buffy's neck, mumbling, groaning, whimpering against her flesh, as Buffy tortured her with their entwined hands. She growled softly against Buffy's neck in need as she felt their hands slide down further over her. She tried to grind herself into their hands only to feel Buffy's free hand slide down her body to her hip keeping her from rising up too high, or too hard.

Buffy slid their joined hands down further, letting their fingers press shallowly into Faith's entrance. She didn't make any move to enter Faith, she had felt the fear flash to her through their bond. Just like she was afraid of anyone being on top of her, Faith was terrified at the thought of anyone, including Buffy, entering her.

The fear came at Faith out of nowhere, at war with her desire for Buffy to touch her. Her whole body stiffened, stilled, her breath caught in her chest painfully, while the desire for Buffy to still touch her hammered through her. She fought against the fear and didn't even notice that Buffy's, that their entwined hands had stopped moving. That at no point had Buffy tried to enter her, her own hand gripped Buffy's hard, ready to force Buffy's hand away from her if she had to. Through the fear and desire she realized that Buffy had been whispering softly to her. She tried to concentrate on what she was saying...

"Faith... baby... Fai... It's okay, I know you aren't ready for that... I'm not going to do anything Faith that you don't want me too... I promise... I would never do anything Faith, anything ever you didn't want me to.... I love you Faith..." Buffy gave a sigh of relief as she felt Faith start to relax back against her again.

Faith felt the fear receding in her and she began to relax again. She realized that Buffy had let her move her hand away from her center, their joined hands were now clasped and laying lightly against her own stomach. Somehow or another Buffy had known even before she did that this might happen, had already known that Faith wasn't ready or was afraid to have anyone including Buffy enter her. Had in fact not even tried, had stilled the motion of their joined hands immediately after just pressing shallowly against her, not even really inside her at all. It suddenly dawned on her why Buffy had reached up and entwined their hands, she had been giving Faith control of her actions. Giving her the ability to stop Buffy at any given moment. And with that realization the last bit of fear Faith was feeling evaporated.

Buffy gently ran her hand soothingly over Faith's hair, neck and shoulder. "You okay baby?"

"Yeah B... I am..." Faith lifted a little so she could turn and look at Buffy, she captured Buffy's eyes with her own and held them. "You amaze me... you knew even before I did... Didn't you?"

"Yes..."

"How?"

"I felt it through our bond, felt it in you sort of hiding along the edges... I don't know really how... I just did. You know I would never do anything that you didn't want me to, don't you Faith?"

"I know you wouldn't B. And if I didn't know before I do now." Faith leaned towards Buffy and captured her mouth softly with her own.

The kiss started out soft, tender, loving and gentle, and then it grew into something more. The passion that had always been between them flared back up and the kiss grew wild, wet, hard, demanding, but still loving.

Faith felt her desire rise up white-hot and fiercely again. Actually, fiercer than before, because there was no doubt in Faith's mind on a conscious or sub-conscious level that Buffy would ever do anything she didn't want her to, and that Buffy seemed to be as in tune with what Faith was feeling as much as Faith was herself.

They continued to kiss trying to devour each other with their mouths and tongues. When they finally pulled apart both Slayers' breathing was ragged, harsh. Faith's eyes were half-lidded with her desire and almost completely emerald and Buffy's eyes were a decidedly wicked looking gold.

"B... I... I want you... I still want to make love with you..."

"That's good Fai..." Buffy gave Faith a slow sensual smile that sent Faith's pulse racing even harder. Then she reached down and pulled her own t-shirt off, then circled her hands once again around Faith's waist.

Faith gently grasped each of Buffy's hands that were resting against her stomach in each of her own.

"Cause I still want that too baby..." Buffy finished as she gently turned Faith until she was once again laying back against her. "I need to touch you like I need to breathe..."

Faith sunk back into Buffy, delighting in the feel of Buffy's hot skin against her back. She pushed herself back into Buffy a little further and could feel the wet heat of Buffy against her buttocks and she let out a little moan. She felt Buffy pull her even tighter and let out a little moan of her own. Then Faith slowly started to move their joined hands up her own body, as she rested her head back against Buffy's shoulder, turning it so she could once more, nuzzle into Buffy's neck.

Faith stopped moving their hands when they reached her breasts, then she untangled her hands from Buffy's, leaving Buffy's on her breasts. With a slow, languid, graceful move, Faith raised her arms and reached up over her own head to behind Buffy's to wrap her hands behind Buffy's neck. She gave up all control, putting herself into Buffy's safe hands, leaving herself open and vulnerable in a way she never had before with anyone, not even Buffy. There was absolute, complete trust in her action and in her mate.

Buffy was awed and humbled by the complete trust that Faith just put in her. She couldn't even think for a moment she was so astounded, she closed her eyes and concentrated solely on what she felt in their bond. And for the first time she could remember in a very long time she felt absolutely no fear at all anywhere in what she felt coming from Faith through their bond.

"B?" Faith mumbled to her from Buffy's own neck.

"Do you know how good you feel to me right now..." Buffy smiled as she felt Faith sucking, nibbling, biting her neck again and took that as a yes. "...and I'm going to have a billion hickeys aren't I?" She was pretty sure Faith mumbled a yes against her neck. "Hmmmm.... well then I guess I am just going to have to start all over again, wouldn't want you to feel neglected since you are giving me so many little presents..."

With that last statement Faith no longer had any doubt that her B was most definitely back. "You wouldn't B..."

But Buffy would and did. And it felt like an eternity to Faith before Buffy had finally made her way once more down towards her center, where Faith now swore she would die if Buffy didn't touch her soon. Buffy had reduced her once more into a quivering, moaning, whimpering, need-filled mess.

Faith's whole body surged up at Buffy's light touch upon her heat. The ripple of desire that touch caused was so intense it started at the bottom of her feet and thundered over her body and left Faith barely able to breathe. She felt Buffy's mouth hot against the side of her neck as Buffy's other hand ran over her, leaving small bonfires wherever she touched. It felt like another eternity had passed as Buffy explored her core with the lightest, most delicate touch Faith had ever experienced.

Buffy was breathing heavy against Faith's neck as she felt everything Faith was feeling through their bond. She could feel the shadow-like touches on her own skin in the same places that she was touching Faith. And each time Faith raised and lowered her hips she pushed back and into Buffy's own overheated, tortured core and then she felt it start in Faith.

"B...???"

"It's okay baby... let go... let it go... I've got you... let go..."

And at the sound of Buffy's voice Faith let herself go. Her body tried to arch and sit up at the same time as the tidal wave of her release crashed into her. Starting from inside of her womb and expanding, exploding through every organ, every muscle, every bone, every cell in her entire body. She saw a rainbow of colors behind her closed lids and felt like she was on a never-ending roller-coaster ride as she rode the surging crest of each wave. She screamed Buffy's name with each contraction ripping through her.

Buffy felt Faith's release echoing through her from their bond with almost the same intensity that Faith was feeling it. She reveled in it, a part of her freed from her own fears that she could ever make Faith feel this way again, that Faith would ever trust her enough to relinquish her own tight control and just let herself go like she had been able to before. Then she couldn't think anymore as she was overwhelmed with what Faith was feeling, her own senses drowning in what Faith was sharing with her through their bond. She was hanging on the edge of release in exquisite torture and knew that if Faith so much as touched her she would go hurtling over the edge.

In the midst of the maelstrom of her release Faith felt Buffy right there with her, holding her safe. Right there on the razor's edge of release just from touching her, just from feeling what she was feeling. And she released her death grip around the back of Buffy's neck and somehow managed to get her hand in-between their bodies, while her own body continued to thrash.

"FAITH!" Buffy screamed as just the single touch of Faith's fingers on her sent her spiraling into her own climax. She clung to Faith as the same tidal wave that hit Faith caught her in it's wake and dragged her down into the swirling storm.

Faith felt herself start to climax again as what Buffy was feeling washed over her through their bond. Neither Slayer had any sense of time passing as they got caught up in the storm together, until finally they collapsed into, onto each other. They held onto each other tightly as their bodies quieted, murmuring all the silly, sweet nonsense that lovers whisper until they both drifted off to sleep.

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...I knew I loved you before I met you / I think I dreamed you into life / I knew I loved you before I met you / I have been waiting all my life / A thousand angels dance around you / I am complete now that I've found you / I knew I loved you before I met you / I think I dreamed you into life / I knew I loved you before I met you / I have been waiting all my life -- Savage Garden
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