The table we were sitting at in the Bronze was covered with acceptance letters to every prestigious college and university in, and around and out of the nation.

"Wow," I said, glancing up at Willow.

"I second your wow and raise you a whoo," Xander added, eyeing all the thick envelopes. "I always knew you were too good for us, Will," he said, giving her a baleful gaze.

"Stop it, Xander." Willow slapped him lightly on the arm and then looked down uncertainly at the table. "I'm not even sure if I want to go to any of these schools."

"Well at least you have a choice --- a whole lot of them. The only thing in my immediate future is a deep fat fryer and a funny hat."

As Willow tried to cheer Xander up, I kept looking at the mountain of letters. It was funny. This was my senior year. After this year, I would graduate from high school. I would be an adult. But it just hadn't seemed real to me...until now. I finally began to realize what it meant and I was scared. Everything suddenly began looking like it was going in fast motion, changing right in front of me and I just wanted it to stop for a second so I could collect my thoughts.

"Buffy, how about you?"

""Huh?" I looked up at Willow. "What was that?"

"What college are you thinking about going to?" She asked, looking at me expectantly.

"Any one that'll accept me, I guess," I said, trying to make light of it. "It doesn't really matter though. I mean, it's not like I don't already know what I'm going to be when I grow up."

"Yeah, but obtaining a higher education is always a good thing in my opinion. And anyway, it'll give you something to do during the day time."

"Yeah, something to do," I agreed halfheartedly. I left the Bronze not long after that. I didn't feel much like partying anymore and as I walked through the cemeteries on my way home, I wondered what I *was* going to do. Willow was a surefire bet to leave Sunnydale and make something of herself and in a way, I was happy for her. If anyone deserved to get out of the killzone, it was her. But she had also become my best friend and I was starting to miss her already even though she hadn't even left yet.

We were all going in different directions and much as I wanted everything to remain like they were right now, I had to face the facts. Things were changing and I couldn't stop that from happening. Walking through one of the many cemeteries inside Sunnydale was probably not one of the best places to mull over my future. I hadn't even walked halfway through when I saw that the doors to one of the big mausoleums was open and a light was dancing around inside.

Vampires. They had absolutely no respect for the dead. I peeked in and saw one digging through a wall and pulling out something I couldn't make out in the dark. I decided to wait outside until he came out --- give him a little surprise.

"Hand it over," I said, when he finally made an appearance. His eyes widened and I could sense the total fear gripping him. I could also sense the presence of another vampire behind me so I spun around, kicking the stalking vamp in the stomach. He gathered himself, taking two swings at me which I ducked. I caught his third wild swing and used his own momentum to spin him around, grabbing a stake from inside my jacket and punching it through his heart. I turned around to look for the other vamp but he'd taken the hint and split.

I wondered briefly what he'd stolen but my mind wasn't exactly in it. I kept going back to brooding about my future or lack thereof. Why did I even bother? I was a Slayer, destined to do one thing and one thing only. To kill demons. What could college possibly teach me that would make me a better Slayer? I was still thinking about it later that night when I climbed through my bedroom window and slumped down onto my bed.

Mom had been real encouraging about college, even manic about it. I guess she just wanted what was best for me, even if she really didn't know me, know that other side of me. My eyes wandered over my room, settling briefly over all the things that had defined my childhood. From Mr. Gordo to a pair of figure skates to photos of my family, me, my mom and my dad. Then my eyes wandered to a picture of me and Faith on the bedside table.

I picked it up, an involuntary smile creeping onto my face as I thought back again to the time when we'd taken it. It was one of the few times Faith had been willing to let someone take a picture of her. We were eating lunch at an outdoor cafe in LA and I'd asked someone to take a picture of us together. Faith had grumbled about it but I'd pushed her, giving her the puppy dog look until she'd finally caved. She had this cute pouty face going on when the picture was snapped and I think that's why I liked it so much.

She still hadn't called me yet. Not even a letter. And sometimes, I laid awake at night wondering if she'd forgotten about me in her new life. Mom couldn't get anything out of the tightlipped people at the state offices. They wouldn't even tell us if she was still in California and, honestly, what would be the harm in that? I pressed the frame into my chest, holding it in my arms and sat like that until there was a tapping at my window.

Angel was peering at me from outside and I got up, opening up the window to let him in. "Hey, what's up?" I asked as he stepped through, coming into my room. "You don't usually visit me unless there's something dire brewing so, lay it on me."

"There's nothing," he said, sounding almost embarrassed. "I just wanted to see how you were. Willow told me you left the Bronze and might need some cheering up."

"And you were recruited?" He flinched slightly like I had hit him. "Sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that. It's just that you don't strike me as the cheerer upper type."

"I'm not," he admitted. "But I'm a very good listener so if you wanted to talk..."

I looked at him speculatively and then sat back on my bed. "It's just the usual stuff --- being the Slayer and the destiny deal. Only now, it seems so much worse because everybody else seems to either have a future or are making plans for the future. What do I have to look forward to? An inevitable early death at the hands of a lucky demon? Sacrificing myself yet again for the greater good? Been there, didn't like that."

He took a seat next to me and was quiet for a moment. "I wouldn't let that happen to you."

I looked over at him, a little surprised at the totally serious expression on his face. And I wasn't sure how to take his assertion. "Uh, thanks. I guess it couldn't hurt to have you watching my back." I smiled at him and then looked down again at the picture I was still holding in my hands.

The next day, I told Giles about the vamp at the mausoleum that had gotten away and aside from a little bitching that I hadn't bothered to find out what he'd stolen --- nothing I hadn't expected --- he took me on a field trip back to the cemetery. Only in Sunnydale. That's all I have to say concerning that.

"Du Lac," he noted, reading off the engraving above the tomb. "Oh dear." I hate it when he says that because it always means something bad in store for me. A hundred percent freshly squeezed badness. Basically, he filled us all in later at the library that what was stolen was some cross that you could use to decode a book that was also coincidentally stolen last week from the library. As you could probably predict, anyone going to this much trouble definitely had evil on their mind. And not just your regular, decaffeinated evil either. If I had to make a guess, I'd say this had Spike and Drusilla's prints all over it. They'd been giving me trouble since they first came to Sunnydale and this was just the kind of planning and foresight I'd come to expect from them.

"So how can we stop them if we don't know what's in the book?" I asked.

Giles came back with his typical cure all answer to everything --- research. "Be prepared to stay late tonight," he said which got an enthusiastic smile from Willow --- the only enthusiastic smile. We researched straight through the afternoon with a couple of snack breaks to give us an added sugar boost. We finally figured out that the book could be used to "restore" a vampire who was sick. The only vampire we knew who fit that to a T was Drusilla. So, at least now, we knew for a fact that Spike and Dru were the ones that stole the book and the cross.

I was in the middle of stretching and letting out a yawn when the doors to the library crashed open and some guy rushed in, immediately tackling me off the chair. He had me pinned and was choking me with a hand around my throat when Giles hit him with a book across the back. It didn't even make him flinch. I reached my hand out, scraping him hard across the face which did make him flinch and I used the opportunity to raise my knees to my chest and kick him off of me.

Giles had by then found a weapon better suited to dealing with the maniac and he fired a bolt from the crossbow in his hand, landing it easily in the guy's chest. Xander and Willow helped me up as Giles went over to inspect the body crumpled on the floor.

"Can you tell me what just happened and what that is?" I asked, going over and seeing him studying a ring on the dead guy's finger.

"This is very serious," he muttered, standing back up.

"Good. I wouldn't want my near death to have been flippant."

"This isn't a time for jokes, Buffy," he said sternly as he turned to face me. "The ring is worn by members of the Order of Taraka --- assassins. And it seems they're after you."

When things go bad, they go really, really bad. As if having to worry about Spike and Dru weren't enough, now I have to worry about a group of assassins trying to hunt me down. And Giles made it sound real bad too. Something along the lines of a relentless assault, a continual attempt to kill me by members of the Order who were an eclectic mix of humans, demons, and everything in between so I couldn't really count on knowing who was who. Yeah, things were looking real bad. After I heard that, I was glad my mom was on a trip to buy some art stuff for her gallery. At least she wouldn't be caught in the crossfire and the worse that would happen was her coming back home to find me dead.

This morbid thought just bought me down even more and the next day at school didn't go any better than the last two because everywhere I looked, I thought I could see people looking at me. Everywhere I looked, I thought I could see another assassin staring back at me. I was so spooked that when I heard someone walking up behind me in the hallway after third period, I immediately spun around, throwing the person against the wall of lockers and pushing an elbow into his throat. But as soon as I did that, I let go because this wasn't an assassin.

"Daniel?" I asked, completely taken by surprise at his presence. It had been nearly a year since I'd last seen him in LA. "What are you doing here?"

He cocked one blonde eyebrow. "Trying not to get throttled would be priority number one," he said in that familiarly dry, understated way.

"I'm so sorry," I said, apologizing for the over reaction. "I thought you were...someone I didn't want to see."

"He must've gotten on your bad side."

"You could say that." I said, trying to shrug it off.

"So where's Faith? I thought I heard something about her living with you now."

"Um, yeah...she's uh." As I struggled to find the right words for what had happened, I caught sight of Willow walking towards us. Great, I needed a distraction. "Hey, Will," I said, waving her over. "This is--"

"Oz!"

'Oz?" I mouthed at Daniel. He shrugged as Willow began explaining how they'd literally bumped into each other the other day. As she was talking, my eyes wandered behind her, coming to rest on the advancing figure of a female cop. I was just wondering what had happened at Sunnydale High this time to bring the cops around when she pulled her weapon. "Down!" I shouted, pulling Willow and Oz onto the floor a split second before the gun went off. I guess this would be Assassin #2.

****

You've never lived until you've spent some time looking for something and you're still not entirely sure what it is, in an enormous mansion on an island in the dead of night. Made me feel like I was in a Scooby-Doo cartoon only without the fake. After I'd left Howard's bedroom, I'd went to Stepano's, just to see if he was there. Turned out he wasn't. His large bed didn't even look like it'd been slept in and as I wandered around his room out of curiosity more than anything else, I began to think he didn't spend all that much time in there at all. No knick knacks, no personal items, nothing but the clothes and shoes laid out neatly inside his closet told anybody that anyone slept there at all.

I slipped out of his room and steeled myself again to go downstairs. I had to pass by Howard's room again to get to the staircase and I noticed he'd closed his door after I'd left. I had a feeling he was lying about not hearing the noise but I couldn't exactly beat the truth out of him --- well, I could but he'd probably sue me or something which would totally suck.

I got to the top of the stairs and this time, that really bad feeling, the one that had made me chicken out the first time, didn't come back again so I started going down. When I got to the bottom though, I wasn't sure which side of the house I should look into first. I finally decided on going towards the left which is also where the dining room is just because I was more familiar with that side.

The dining room looked especially cold and forbidding in the unwavering moonlight and I paused for a second before going to the other end of the room where I opened up a set of double doors, leading into a relatively small room. As far as I could tell, this room really wasn't built for anything except to act as a kind of buffer between the dining room and the kitchen which, as I walked in, still shocks me with its size. You can probably cook for five hundred people in a place like this --- not that I would know seeing as I can't really cook much more than water but that's what it seems like to me.

The mostly stainless steel room even impressed me with the number of ranges, ovens, sinks, pans, and other cooking instruments I couldn't even name, sitting ready for someone to use them. I'd only been in here once before when I was politely shooed out by some guy in a chef's uniform who looked scared and angry at the same time for telling me to leave. Now there was nothing smoking, nothing cooking and nothing but silence met my entry.

I walked through the aisles --- yeah, there were aisles, as in more than one --- glancing back and forth, looking for...something. Not knowing what I was looking for was really starting to piss me off. I looked everywhere but didn't find anything that wasn't supposed to be in a kitchen so, after getting a popsicle from the freezer, I walked back through the dining room to the right side of the house, hoping I'd find something there. I hadn't really visited the right side of the house, mostly cause every time I thought about going there, I'd get distracted and do something else instead. If you think about it, it's pretty strange. I mean, I've already been here for a couple of months and I've never even been to the right side of the house. Kinda makes you think. And if I had more time, I'd be thinking about it too.

I walked past the front door and opened up the doors that led to the other side of the house. I found myself in a large room --- surprise, surprise --- and hanging right there in the middle of the ceiling was some big ass chandelier. The floor was all polished hardwood and there wasn't a stick of furniture in the entire room which just made it seem larger than it already was. I figured this might be the room to use if you needed a wicked nice place to throw a party. Since the entire room was already bare, I didn't have to look through every single nook and cranny to see that there was nothing suspicious in there so I walked across to the other side where I could see another set of doors.

Opening that up, I suddenly found myself in a library. Rows upon rows of books filled every available shelf and the shelves ran up to the very top of the ceiling. There was even a ladder; the kind that rode along tracks built into the wall. Giles would probably appreciate this room better than I could ever do. As it was, I just gave it a quick once over before walking to another set of doors on the other side of the room. I was getting a workout just walking through the ground floor of the house. How fucked was that?

The next room did kind of surprise me though. It contained an indoor swimming pool --- I'd say it was regulation sized too if I was into that sort of thing. The blue chlorinated waters shimmered slightly from the bright, florescent lights that were still on overhead, humming with electricity. Unlike every other room in the house, this one had no windows, only a mural painted on one wall showing a sunset. There were also two changing rooms off to the side but there was nothing in there either. With the pool room, I'd officially run out of anymore rooms on this side of the house to search.

So about forty five minutes after I'd first woken up, I still hadn't found the noise that had woken me. I stood there by the side of the pool, trying to come up with something I could do next when a loud crashing sound suddenly came out of nowhere, echoing around the tiles inside the room. And because it echoed, there was no way for me to pinpoint exactly where it had come from. All I could tell was that the general direction which it seemed to come from was one of the changing rooms.

I went back in, more cautiously this time and came face to face with...well...nothing. The same scene greeted my eyes. A couple of benches, a couple of towel racks with towels neatly arranged on them and a shower stall. That was it. Nothing else. I went over and sat down on one of the benches, tossing the popsicle stick and bringing one knee up to rest my back against the side of a wall.

After a moment, I banged my head back, hitting it against the wall in frustration. I wasn't getting anywhere. That was fucking obvious. It had to be Stepano though. He wasn't in his room and, let's face it, the guy totally creeped me out. But where the hell was he? Was he in the house? Was he outside? He had to still be on the island, right?

I sat there for a moment and then I saw something that made me get up. I'd been staring at a spot inside the shower and, somewhere along the line, my eyes must have finally passed the info to my brain that something wasn't right about it. I walked over and ran my fingers along the tiles and there, barely visible was the outline of a door or something. I pushed against the wall. It didn't move. I kicked the wall. It didn't move.

I looked up at the showerhead and from whatever deep down compulsion drove me to it, I decided to yank on it. I guess I must've done the right thing cause the shower wall immediately slid back with a soft grinding sound. Shit, imagine that. A mansion with hidden passageways. I wondered if it came prepackaged like that or if Stepano put them in after he bought the place to give it that haunted house feel.

I poked my head in, saw that it was well lighted and stepped the rest of the way through. I found myself facing a stairway leading down. It was pretty steep but there was no way I was gonna fall cause there were handrails on both sides. If I had to guess, I'd say it took me down about 3 stories deep where I found myself in a rich man's boom boom room if said rich man were psycho and into the occult-er side of life.

As I walked further into the room, I got a better picture of what was inside. It was a big room, lit by torches placed every feet or so. The stone walls were covered in writing I couldn't understand and symbols I didn't want to understand. They looked like they were done in red paint...at least, I hoped it was paint. They were scrawled everywhere, even some on the floor and ceiling. There was a high stone block sitting in the very middle of the room that looked like it was five feet tall.

I was still looking around when my senses went off all of a sudden. Isn't that always like the bad guys? To sneak up on you when you're just starting to tour their pad? Spinning around, I figured I'd backhand whoever was sneaking up behind me and take them by surprise for once.

The plan went well, except for the surprising them part. I hit him all right but it was like hitting up against a brick wall. Nothing budged. I grabbed my hand back, cradling it against my chest as I looked up into Stepano's dead eyes.

I tried backing away but his hand shot out, grabbing me across the face so what ended up happening was that my mouth and nose was covered and I couldn't breathe. Was this some fucking karma thing for what I'd done to Howard? The damn bastard had a hold like iron and I couldn't pry his fingers off for nothing. And then he started lifting me up, bringing me to my tippy toes. My head felt like it was going to squish like a grapefruit as his fingers began digging in deeper.

"You're not supposed to be here yet," he said in a totally calm tone of voice.

I would have offered to leave if I could *talk*. As it was, I knew I was damn near to passing out from the spots dancing in front of my eyes and my lungs screaming for air. By now, my legs were dangling in the air and I tried once more to get myself free. Using all of my strength, I braced my feet against his chest and pushed off.

My face felt like it was going to tear off but at least he finally let go and I bounced onto the hard, stone floor, trying to suck in some air while scrabbling backwards like some sorta crab. Stepano was bent over from my kick but he immediately straightened back up again, angrily staring at me. I wished then that I'd packed a knife or something but I hadn't been thinking.

"Let me guess, you're a demon?" I asked, slowly getting back on my feet as I carefully eyed him for any sudden movements.

He didn't answer, charging right at me and lowering his shoulder. I didn't give him a chance to slam me though as I crouched down, sweeping his legs out from under him. He landed on his back, staring blankly up at the ceiling and I was all set to jump on top of him when he suddenly sat up again, getting back on his feet like nothing had happened.

I grabbed a torch from the wall and threw it at him to buy some extra time as I ran to the other side of the room, hoping to find something that could help me. But I found nothing but more torches. I turned around and he was almost right on top of me, his arms open as he lunged forward, intent on grabbing me. I ducked, moving around him and ran over to the stone block in the middle of the room, hauling myself up. I should've probably ran for the staircase but then it would've been too much like a shlocky horror movie or something.

I figured, this way, I could give him a good kick in the head. Maybe shatter his skull or at least give him something to think about before he came chasing after me again. But I didn't do that. I didn't do it cause I found something better.

The sword was just lying there like someone had forgotten it during spring cleaning or something. It was covered in dust from the handle on down to the tip but I barely noticed as I picked it up cause the only thing I cared about was that it was sharp enough to cut someone open. But I couldn't even straighten up before my legs were taken out from under me.

I went tumbling over the other side, landing hard on my knees. I looked up in time to see his head bobbing up and down as he walked around the block. As he turned the corner, I got up, swinging the sword in a wide arc, easily chopping off his head. The sound of my own breathing seemed to fill the entire room as the head bounced twice on the floor before rolling a couple of feet away to land on its side. Stepano's eyes were still wide open, his mouth slightly open as if surprised he was in two separate pieces now.

The rest of his body dropped down on its knees almost like it was in slow motion and before it could completely hit the floor, it began rotting, turning into a greenish, purplish, spoiled hunk of meat. I turned back to the head which looked about as bad as the body. Only the eyes were still the same. Still giving me the creeps. Same as always.

I turned slowly towards the stairs, almost expecting that Stepano would pop back up again. But he didn't. Instead, I saw Howard standing at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes lazily moving between me and the head on the floor.

"You won. Congratulations."

"Don't tell me," I said, pointing the sword at him. "You're gonna tell me you're on my side now, right?"

"I'm on the side that wins." He glanced again at Stepano's head. "And you're it, Faith."

I walked towards him, placing the tip of the sword at his throat. "Give me a reason why I should trust you."

"The fact that you're asking me to give you a reason tells me that you *want* to trust me."

I stared at him for a minute and then slowly let the sword fall to my side. "I want off this island." He tilted his head forward and then turned on his heels, climbing up the stairs. I took one last look at Stepano before following him.

****

Spike went crashing into the organ, bringing down the entire thing on top of him and Drusilla. I almost went over there to check if they were both dead or as dead as vampires could get but the flames from the fire were starting to really get uncomfortably close. I could still hear the echoey clanging of the pipes hanging in the air as I helped Angel up off the floor, following everybody else out of the church. I sat him down on the ground on the outside as I knelt in front of him.

"You all right?" I asked, touching him lightly on the cheek with my fingertips to get his attention. One of the main ingredients in Drusilla's miracle cure all turned out to be the life of her sire. Her sire just so happened to be Angel. If we had taken a minute longer in getting here, Angel would probably be dead.

"Fine," he said even though he sure didn't sound fine. More like shaky and weak. I looked up at the circle of people gathered around us: Giles, Cordelia, Xander, and Willow. We had worked as a team to beat down the Order of Taraka along with the vampiric duo and here in the aftermath, I was just going to thank them all when the words began drying up in my throat before it even made it past my lips.

"It seems like every time I hang around you people," Cordelia said, looking over her dress, "I get my clothes ruined."

"Kind of not caring about that right now," Xander quipped, shooting her a sidelong glance as I turned my attention back to Angel.

"Come on," I said, helping him up again. "I'll take you home."

Cordelia, even though she whined and griped about it the whole way, drove me over to Angel's apartment before screeching out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell. Angel was still leaning heavily on me as I walked him up the stairs. We made it through the door, walking over to his bed where he sat down heavily.

"Do you need anything?" I asked, looking down at him, focusing on his hand which still looked red and raw from where the knife had gone through.

He looked up at me and it looked like he wanted to say something but his eyes ended up wandering down to the vicinity of my shoes. "Stay with me?" The question was said so softly that I wondered if I had heard right. Then his eyes were focusing on me again, looking so vulnerable. "You don't have to," he said weakly, amending his earlier statement.

"No, it's all right," I said, pulling up a chair next to the bedside. "I'll stay."

He looked almost relieved as the tension drained out of his body. So we sat there in complete silence for a couple of minutes. I didn't know about Angel but I wasn't too sure what to say to someone who'd just been chained up and nearly killed by two psychotic vamps. 'I'm glad you're okay?' I winced just thinking about the utter shallowness of the comment.

"I'm glad you're okay."

"What?" I asked, looking up at him in confusion. Did he say what I think he just said?

"I said, I'm glad you're okay."

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that?" I asked, chuckling lightly at the way we were both thinking.

The corner of his lips quirked up in amusement. "So we're both okay."

"It's good that we got that clear," I said with a wry grin, unthinkingly placing a hand on his knee. It was meant to comfort him and I swear that was all I had in mind. But somewhere along the line, our eyes met and our gazes held. He leaned towards me, his lips just inches from mine and I could have pulled back but I didn't even realize what was happening until it was too late. His lips were on mine for a full five seconds before my mind finally registered the what was going on part and I snapped my head back. "Don't."

He looked at me, his eyes full of what looked like longing. "Buffy," he said, reaching out for me. "I didn't --- I'm sorry," he said as I pulled away from his grasp. He looked almost like I'd slapped him.

"No, I'm sorry," I said, standing up. I stood in the middle of the room uncertainly for a second. "I should go."

"Please," he said, stopping me with a hand to the arm. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

Uncomfortable? How else did he think I would feel? "It's all right, Angel. It just took me by surprise, that's all. We'll just put this behind us okay? You know what I think it is? It's the post-Slayage stress--"

"No."

"What?" He placed both hands on my elbows and looked at me with so much intensity that it made me want turn away.

"It's not that way for me, Buffy. I've wanted to...kiss you since the first time I saw you."

"I really think you should stop now," I said, trying to pull away from his grasp.

"But that's just it," he said, with a pained expression on his face as he let me go. "I've stopped myself too many times in the past. If I don't say what I have to say now, I never will. When I thought there was no hope, you gave me hope. You gave me a reason to live again. You made me believe that I can be redeemed. You made me feel human again...Buffy, I'm in love with you."

I shook my head, refusing to believe what he'd just said. "I *really* don't need this right now." He kept looking at me with a hang dog expression and I relented a bit, explaining that "Things are more complicated than you think, Angel."

"Then explain it to me...please, Buffy."

I sighed, turning my head away. Why did he have to make this so difficult? Why did he have to be such a nice guy, making it even more difficult? Because even though I didn't want to admit it, I *was* attracted to him. It was not a huge attraction, not even medium sized but it was there, underlying our every interaction. Sometimes, I thought that if it weren't for Faith, I could have easily fallen for him and it scared me because I didn't want that to happen, not even in the relatively private waters of my mind.

"I have to go home," I said, ignoring his plea. "I'll check up on you later."

He didn't try to stop me this time. I walked out the door without looking at his face even once. I already knew what I would see if I did and I couldn't deal with it, knowing that I had hurt him. I walked all the way home, stuck on autopilot as my brain began processing what had just happened. If I could have done anything differently, I think I would have told him the truth. Told him exactly why I couldn't return his feelings. That was the only thing I regretted.

I almost walked to the side of my house before I remembered that mom wasn't home and I didn't need to sneak in. It was so quiet as I walked through the door, putting the keys back in my pocket. I almost wished mom *was* home just so I'd have someone to come home to. I didn't bother putting on the lights as I trudged up the stairs.

For having just defeated the forces of evil with the help of my friends, I didn't feel very triumphant or even mildly jubilant. I turned into Faith's room which I'd practically made into my room by now --- I spent so much time in there --- and sat down on the floor next to the two trophies. If she was here, everything would be okay, I often thought. I was thinking that right now actually.

I knew that probably wasn't true. Not all my problems would magically disappear if she were here. Not everything would be roses and sunshine. But they didn't need to be. That was the point. Not everything needed to be perfect because if Faith were here, we could deal with the bumps along the road together --- just like we did before.

How many more months? I tried keeping track for awhile. The hours, the days, the months. That lasted for about a week before the numbers began looking too large and too daunting. Now I wished I'd kept up the obsessiveness just so I could think about something besides Angel. My mind kept flashing back to his apartment against my will.

I hoped he was going to be all right. He didn't look like the kind of guy to have a breakdown. He was too even keeled for that but I also knew he must be hurting. After having just poured your heart out to someone you were secretly in love with, the last thing you want is for them to say they didn't feel the same way. Talk about ripping out your heart.

And I'd done it.

Ripped out his heart.

I got up off the floor, slipping off my shirt, shoes and pants to let them fall to the ground as I crawled under the covers of the bed. I tried to make my mind blank, tried not to think about anything anymore and for once, it worked.

****

I slipped into the seat next to Howard and reached up to turn on the air conditioning. We were on a plane, the same one that I was on before I think. After the thing with Stepano where I sliced his head off, Howard had taken off for about a week, telling me that he had to take care of some business, make sure all the necessary paperwork was filled out before he could get me back to the US

I'd let him go but not without threatening him with some serious assault and battery if he tried to pull anything over on me. He'd given me his word he wouldn't and I'd just laughed in his face, showing him exactly how much I thought about his "word". But the thing was, I had to trust someone. Wasn't a matter of wanting to, it was a more a matter of needing to. I was kinda surprised that he actually showed up a week later like he promised but he did, riding in on a speedboat, his shirt and tie chucked for a polo shirt and preppy shorts. I wasn't sure which outfit I found less gag worthy on him.

I packed up whatever clothes would fit into the duffel bag I'd bought in with me and left. Actually, that's not true. I didn't leave right away. I visited with Sara one more time. She was asleep when I dropped in and maybe it was better that way. I didn't know what was going to happen to her now that Stepano was gone but I was going to make sure Howard took care of her. She wasn't really my mother...but she was at the same time and I couldn't keep ignoring it forever.

Before I left the room, I bent over, kissing her on the forehead. Call it my one sentimental moment for the year. And then I finally left that island. It was only after we left that I found out where we actually were. Somewhere off of Greece, Howard said, volunteering the information over the loud roar of the motors and the whipping of the wind.

Now as I sat here on the plane, I wanted him to volunteer more information.

"So what happens now?" I asked.

He looked up from the magazine he was reading, something with really small print and no pictures. "Things will proceed like nothing has happened," he said, putting down the magazine onto his lap as he turned to face me. "For all anyone knows, nothing has happened."

"Won't someone find it a little strange that Stepano's suddenly disappeared?"

"No."

"Okay...you wanna explain that one to me again? I think it went by way too fast the first time."

He began tapping his fingers on the magazine."Stepano wasn't what anyone would call a very sociable person. I took care of his finances and legal troubles. He took care of the sacrifices and blood rites. No one saw him besides me and a few maids. Trust me, nobody will miss him."

"And what happens to me now?"

"You'll go back to your life in Sunnydale. I assumed that's what you wanted?"

I nodded. Yeah, that's what I wanted.

"And of course, you'll have a sizable trust fund set up and a weekly allowance."

I almost did a double take as I looked at him like he was totally shitting me. "Why would you do that for me?" I asked suspiciously. "What's in it for you?"

"Let's call it payment," he said, staring at me blandly. "For services rendered."

"For offing someone you didn't have the balls to do yourself," I guessed. His eyes narrowed just a slight bit. "Let me toss this in the air and see what sticks. You're the one that set Stepano up with me, aren't you? I bet you know what I am too, right?" He didn't say anything so I just kept going. "And why would you do something like that to someone who paid you the big bucks? Oh, wait, I think I got it. You wanted more. More money, more power, more control. Am I close?"

"Bull's eye."

I smirked at him and stood up, moving back to my seat which happened to be right behind him. At least now, I had some answers. Didn't make me feel all that much better but still...

I looked out the window, staring at the blue nothingness outside. I didn't care about whatever powerplay Howard had masterminded. I didn't even care that he'd used me like some pawn in his game. As long as he kept his word again and got me back to Sunnydale, I couldn't give a shit what he did on the side. And then I thought about this trust fund business. It was probably his way of buying me off now that I'd served my purpose. I couldn't be all high and mighty about it. If he wanted to give me cash, I'm all for it. In a way, I think I kinda deserved it for having put up with so much crap for so damn long.

I reached over and pulled down the shade on the little window, darkening the cabin even more since all the other shades were drawn too. I closed my eyes, resting my head back against the seat and tried to fall asleep because there was no better way to get through an airplane trip than doing it unconscious.

When I woke up, it was to the sound of the pilot's voice coming over the intercom, helpfully telling us that it was 11:00 local time and a mild forty five degrees outside. I swiped a hand through my hair, still thinking about the dream I'd just had. It was about Buffy again, of course. About what it would be like when we saw each other again. Shit, just thinking about it made me get all tense cause there was this niggling fear in the back of my mind that kept saying she wouldn't be as happy to see me as I would be to see her.

It wasn't true. I knew it wasn't true.

But I couldn't help being scared. The plane was already starting to go down as I raised the shade on the window and looked outside. "Hey, Howard. Where the fuck are we?" I asked, staring blankly out at the city below.

"New York. The plane's going to refuel before flying to California."

That's when I noticed the Statue of Liberty, looking like one of those miniatures you buy in a souvenir shop, standing in the middle of the water. And then all the buildings crowded onto the tiny island began to make sense cause, yeah, this was New York. We landed a couple of minutes later and Howard took off, telling me that I should go on to California alone. Before he left though, he gave me his card, telling me I could call him if I needed anything.

I sat down in the lounge, waiting for them to get some more gas into the plane. Then I started thinking that I should give everybody at Sunnydale a heads up that I was coming home. It wasn't like they were expecting me for another six months. I went over to a phone, inserted a couple of quarters and called Buffy's house but after waiting for fifteen rings, I finally hung up. That's when I noticed that I was gripping the phone hard enough to break it and I took a breath, trying to get the nervous feeling out of my gut. I was all ready to hear Buffy's voice but that had turned out to be a total wash out.

I was about to head back to my seat, maybe get a cup of coffee or something when I thought about calling someone else. Inserting a couple more quarters, I dialed another number and waited as the phone rang.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end of the line almost floored me.

"Red? It's me."

"Faith? Faith is that you?!" Willow almost screeched, making me pull the phone away from my ear and laugh.

"Yeah, it's good to hear your voice too. Listen," I said, getting to the point cause I was almost out of change. "I called Buffy but she wasn't home. I just wanted to give you guys a heads up that I'm going to be coming back. Actually, I'm in New York right now."

"Are you serious? Oh God, Buffy's going to be so happy to see you," she gushed, putting a smile on my face. "Oh wait, Faith, are you going to be back by five today?"

"Shit, I don't know Red. The time zones and all that other crap give me a headache but I should be in Sunnydale by tonight. Why? What's up?"

"We're throwing Buffy a surprise birthday party tonight at the Bronze. If you can make it back, it'll probably be the best birthday present she could get."

"Oh, damn. I forgot it was her birthday today," I said, slapping myself on the forehead with the receiver. "Red, listen. I'll be there, okay? I've got to go now cause this phone's ate all my quarters but I'll see you later."

"All right, Faith. Take care, bye."

I hung up the phone, feeling a whole lot better having talked to someone --- having talked to a friend. Now that the knot in the pit of my stomach had loosened a bit, I began worrying about what to get Buffy for her birthday. I had a total of three dollars left in my pocket and I wished now that I'd hit Howard up for a few bucks before he'd left. I could've gotten her flowers or something.

A guy in a pilot's uniform came up to me, putting my gift giving plans temporarily on hold. "Miss Spencer?"

"Yeah?"

"The plane's refueled. We're all ready to go."

"Yeah." I followed him out of the lounge. One good thing about plane rides, I'd have plenty of time trying to come up with the least craptacular present I could give to Buffy.

*****