*****

Xander awoke with a gasp, trembling and panting hard. He didn't tremble from fear, and the sweat that coated his entire upper body wasn't because he'd had a horrible nightmare. No, his dream hadn't been a nightmare at all. But still it scared him. Especially since this wasn't the first time he'd had that dream.

Shaking his head and lifting two hands to run them over his tired face, Xander drew his knees up and let his head drop between them. The most vivid scenes of his dream were still playing out in his mind. The dream was slightly different every time, but it always ended up the same way.

Disgusted with himself, Xander shuddered and closed his eyes tightly.

Earlier that night, he'd come home, after researching for almost 48 hours straight. Then Buffy had taken everybody else out to fight the creature they were after, while Xander had been sent home with strict orders to get some sleep. While Xander was both disappointed and angry that the others thought he wouldn't do any good in the fight against the demon, he was grateful that he would get to sleep.

Arriving home at six, he threw off his clothes, tumbled down onto the bed and was asleep within seconds. He'd thought he wouldn't dream tonight, since he was so tired, but apparently, he'd been wrong.

"You okay?"

Xander nearly screamed as his head snapped up and he jumped slightly, frightened by the quiet question. Letting his eyes drift across the dark basement, Xander was confused and slightly scared when he couldn't see anyone. The voice seemed familiar, though.

Then, a shadow slowly moved in a corner and Angel came into view in the weak light coming through the small windows up under the roof.

"Angel?"

Xander hardly believed his own eyes, not only because Angel was here, in Sunnydale, but also because the vampire not only was in Sunnydale, he was in *his* basement - at two-thirty in the night.

"What are you doing here?"

"Came to check on you," Angel replied quietly, walking over to Xander's bed. "Cordelia. She had a vision that involved you. I came to check."

"Oh," Xander said with a nod. "Well, now you've checked, so..."

The teen tried to hint that he wanted Angel to leave, but the other man just shook his head. "I should stay, just in case something comes up."

Xander was about to object again, when he suddenly remembered something and frowned. "How did you get in without an invitation?" he asked, suspicious.

"Your doormat," Angel replied. "Upstairs. It says 'Welcome'."

"Right." Xander chuckled a little. "Remind me to ask my Mom to change that."

"Yeah, you should, otherwise any vampires can just continue to walk straight in anytime they feel like..." Suddenly trailing off, Angel sat down at the side of Xander's bed, and his eyes narrowed. "Is that a bruise?"

Xander's eyes went to his shoulder. He couldn't see the bruise in the dim light, but he knew that Angel was able to see it because of his vampiric powers. "Oh, yeah, it's the reason Buffy thinks I'm a dork."

"Buffy doesn't think you're a dork," Angel replied.

"Oh, yes, she does," Xander said. "Last week we were all fighting this vampire clan and I got sort of...buried under...a pile of crates. Sort of. So now Buffy won't let me go anywhere."

Angel's brows moved again, a worried expression immediately settling over his features. "Buried under a pile of crates?! Are you okay?"

Xander chuckled a little, and the vampire couldn't help but hearing the bitterness with it. "I'm... kinda surprised, here," Xander said. "I'd think you'd be the last to care if I lived or died, considering our..." He paused, searching for the right word. "...history. I mean... you and me. We haven't exactly been best friends, so I-"

"Never *ever* think that I don't care!"

Angel's voice held so much determination that Xander remained speechless, just staring up at the dark-haired vampire with a mix of confusion, shock and amazement on his face. "You care?" the boy finally asked, his voice holding such an amazement that Angel almost cringed for giving the impression that he didn't care.

Walking over to the bed and sitting down next to Xander, Angel placed both hands firmly on the mortal's shoulders and met his eyes. "*Never* think that I don't care," he repeated in a dark voice, hating the amazement that still shone from Xander's eyes. "You're my friends, and I would rather die than see you hurt. Any of you!"

Xander was quiet for a long while, but Angel's hands never left his shoulders, and they never broke eye contact. And slowly, the amazement in the boy's eyes drifted away to be replaced with a sadness Angel recognized and knew only too well.

"Then why did you leave?" Xander finally asked. "I mean... I know about Buffy and stuff, but... If you want to give your life to save ours if necessary, why did you leave? It's a bit hard to die for someone who's in a whole other town, isn't it? I mean... You left."

Angel remained silent as he slowly lowered his hands from Xander's shoulders. Then he shrugged slightly. "I came back, too. I came here to protect Buffy before, just like I'm here to protect you now."

Xander stared at the vampire for a long while, his breathing somewhat heavy and occasionally half-choked. Images from his dream flitted across his mind and he closed his eyes briefly, wondering with himself why he'd remembered that now, even though he already knew the answer.

Opening his eyes again, he found the older man looking at him with a worried frown on his face. Sighing deeply, he looked down and waited for the question he knew was about to come. When Angel remained silent, Xander carefully raised his eyes again to meet the vampire's. In the dim light, Xander couldn't see much, but he could see Angel's eyes.

Dark and blank, they stared back at him for several long moments, before they seemed to come closer. By the time Xander realized that he wasn't imagining things, that Angel's eyes really were coming closer, they were so close that the boy's brain automatically clicked onto autopilot.

Closing his eyes, Xander never saw Angel close his own, but he certainly felt the cool lips that gently pressed against his mouth. Automatically pressing into the hesitant kiss, Xander allowed his lips to slip open just enough so Angel could begin to drag his own lips back and forward.

The kiss was gentle and hesitant and it lit a small flame in the pit of Xander's stomach that made him lift his hands to cup Angel's face as the kiss deepened. It was still gentle, but neither of the men hesitated anymore, their lips moving boldly against each other.

When Xander felt the tip of Angel's tongue carefully nudge his lower lip, he gathered his courage and let his own tongue reach out to touch Angel's.

Xander's entire body was on fire. Suddenly he could hear everything, feel everything, smell everything, and it still wasn't enough! He couldn't get enough of the feel of Angel's tongue dancing sensually with his own, he couldn't breathe in enough of the scent of male arousal that slowly filled the basement. His ears registered every little moan and whimper Angel made, every little moan and whimper *he* made, every little creak of leather, rustle of the bed, and it still wasn't enough!

The mortal wasn't quite sure when they had ended up laying down on the bed next to each other, he only knew that he had to cling to Angel for his bare life, that he *needed* this. The vampire's hands ventured across Xander's bare chest as the teen hesitantly started to loosen Angel's shirt by his belt. The feel of warm fingers against his cool skin made Angel moan, and he pressed closer to Xander, craving and needing to feel more of that warmth.

Briefly breaking away to let Xander breathe, Angel panted hard. "I really..." Another kiss sneaked its way into his sentence. "...shouldn't be doing this..."

"I know," Xander replied, kissing the vampire again as he dragged his leather coat off his shoulders. "I know."

Angel shifted on the bed to allow Xander to pull his coat completely off, before they rolled over, ending up with Xander on top of the vampire. "I shouldn't," Angel mumbled again.

"Please," Xander asked in a small voice. "Please just let me have this?"

They broke their series of kisses long enough for Angel to look Xander directly into his eyes. "You know what kind of risk this is. I'm not willing to take it."

"Would I really make you that happy?" Xander asked in an amazed whisper, his brown eyes darker than usual in the dim light.

Angel hesitated a long while before he answered. "Yes, you would," he finally replied, one hand moving so a pale finger could run down the side of Xander's face.

"Then we know it's safe," Xander said in a whisper close to desperate. "Because this time you know what's at stake. And you'll know nothing can ever come of this. And unless you were lying a second ago, you should feel the same way I do about this - devastated."

Angel didn't reply, his dark eyes just looking deeply into Xander's. He didn't show any emotion, didn't show any expression, but the boy knew he had his answer when the vampire slowly craned his neck again to capture his lips in a deep kiss.

Pulling on Angel's shirt, Xander struggled with the buttons, until large hands closed over his. Slowly rolling over so they were laying sideways, Angel's shirt was pulled off and it ended up in a pile on the floor next to his coat.

"Angel..." Xander moaned, trying to get the vampire to move. Once he had his will, he was laying on top of Angel again and he slowly started to kiss his way down the pale chest. Angel's eyes were closed tightly, and his hands gripped the sheets on each side of his body tightly, as his senses were assaulted by the warm lips that moved across his body.

He dimly registered that his boots were untied and pulled off, but the warm touch and the gentle caresses never stopped. They continued to travel all over his abdomen as his socks were pulled off and as his belt was unbuckled. When he registered the sound of his fly being opened, Angel opened his eyes, suddenly needing to see.

Lifting his hips a little to help, he watched as Xander tugged the pants down just low enough to free Angel's raging erection. When a warm hand closed tightly around him and started to pump him slowly, Angel gasped loudly and his eyes automatically closed in bliss.

"Xander," he gasped as the boy continued to pull his pants down until his legs were completely free from the material.

"Funny," Xander commented quietly, with a grin playing around the corners of his mouth. "I never really figured you for someone who'd go commando."

"Don't usually," Angel gasped out, waves of pleasure washing over him.

Xander turned his attention back to the cock in his hand, and he watched it closely as he pumped it. Angel could feel the teen's breath on his flesh, and he shuddered involuntarily. When Xander's tongue flicked out to touch the slit of his cock, he immediately arched off the bed, his hands gripping the sheets tighter.

Looking up, Xander decided Angel's reaction was a good thing and he let out a nervous breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. "You, uh... You have to guide me a little, here," he said, his voice quivering. "I've never..." He swallowed heavily, then bowed his head to take the head of Angel's pale cock into his mouth.

Angel arched off the bed again, panting heavily. "God, Xander's it's good, it's all good," he rushed out as the boy started to suck lightly, taking more of the velvet steel into his mouth. Relieved that he seemed to be doing something right and encouraged by Angel's soft moans and gasps, Xander continued to suck, bobbing his head over Angel's cock, feeling it pulse a little in his mouth.

When the teen's tongue traveled across the underside of the hard shaft, Angel groaned again and placed a hand on Xander's shoulder. "Xander... Xan..." he panted, trying to push Xander away, but somehow, his muscles wouldn't co-operate with his brain.

Understanding, Xander pulled away and crawled up the bed to kiss Angel again. Letting his hands roam across the younger man's body, Angel realized Xander still had his boxers on, and with a small, amused smile into the kiss they were sharing, the vampire pulled the annoying cotton down and off the human's body.

For just a short moment, Xander felt very naked and very scared, but then everything disappeared into heavenly bliss as Angel rubbed his crotch against his, velvet steel meeting velvet steel. One cool hand snaked its way down between their bodies to close around Xander's shaft, and the boy groaned loudly into the kiss, his eyes closing. When Angel started pumping him, Xander groaned again, before he broke the kiss to come up for air.

"Angel..."

It was barely more than a whimper, but the vampire heard it. Removing his hand, Angel moved until he was laying on top of Xander, their bodies thrusting together. Their hard cocks were rubbed together, meeting each other with hard thrusts as the nests of hair between their legs tickled the straining flesh.

The pleasure was greater than Xander could describe - he felt hot and cold and everything in between, and he felt like he was flying, floating, sinking, melting. His body was on fire, he could feel everything, see everything, hear everything and everything belonged to him.

Then the world around him blurred and was wrapped up in cotton, and the only thing that remained in focus was him and the vampire he was with; the vampire he was thrusting wildly against, the bed squeaking slightly under them as they released their passion.

When they finally tumbled over the edge, Xander was first, his eyes rolling up in his head as he spilled himself over both their stomachs, groaning. Angel continued to thrust and only a short moment later he followed, his semen mixing with Xander's. Panting, spent and basking in the post-orgasmic contentment, the vampire had to use all his strength to roll over and collapse next to Xander on the bed, instead of on top of him.

He didn't move far, though, throwing one arm across the human's waist, not caring about the sticky traces of their spent passion. Then he placed a hand on the human's warm shoulder, closing his eyes momentarily as he wished he never would have to give up that warmth.

As their breathing slowly returned to normal, Angel's head moved a little and pained, dark eyes met Xander's.

"Now what?" he asked quietly.

"Want me to give a poetic answer?" the human asked.

"Why not," the older man replied.

Xander nodded as he sighed deeply, his heart feeling heavier in his chest than he liked. "Now we fall asleep together, content. Happy. Only you won't fall asleep. You'll stay awake, brooding. And then you'll get up, carefully so I won't wake up, and you'll get dressed, and you'll leave. And when I wake up, you'll be skulking around in the shadows without my knowledge, until you know you can go home to LA again."

Xander swallowed and turned slightly so he could see Angel better. "And all the time you'll lurk in the shadows, you'll watch me miss you and dream about you and be sad. And you'll miss me too, and you'll want to hold me. But you won't be able to, and that will help you save your soul."

Angel smiled a little, but it wasn't a happy smile. It was a sad, bitter smile, over the unfair rules of the world and over the things that happened to him and made him. The things he had no control over.

"Does it sound good?"

"No," Angel replied to Xander's question, his own voice quivering just as much as the teen's. "I sounded bad. Really bad. In fact, I think I hate that plan. A lot. Really."

"Does it sound right, then?" Xander asked, swallowing heavily again.

"Yes," Angel admitted, swallowing himself. "Yes, it sounds very right."

"Oh," Xander said, looking down briefly. "I hate that."

"I guess... we should get the plan on the road, huh?" Angel asked.

"I guess we should," Xander replied. Then he shifted so that Angel's head was resting on his chest again, and a hand slowly came up to stroke the vampire's shoulders.

They lay there in silence for a long while, neither saying a word as they waited for Xander to fall asleep. Millions of thoughts were racing through both their heads, and neither wanted the truth to happen, but at the same time, they both knew it would be exactly like Xander had said.

Just when Angel felt the mortal relax completely, signalizing that he was about to slip into sleep, he moved his head a little. "You never told me what you were dreaming of when you first woke up," the vampire said quietly.

A small chuckle went through Xander - so small that the older man wouldn't even have noticed it unless he had felt the rumble in the human's chest. "What were you dreaming about?" he asked again. Xander was quiet for a long while, and for a second, Angel wondered if the boy had drifted off to sleep. Then he heard the answer - whispered and barely audible, even to Angel with his vampiric senses.

"You."

Then Xander drifted off to sleep.

End