*****

The light left her eyes for the last time. Giles sat with Buffy's head in his lap as she died, finally taken out by one of the monsters that she had battled for so long. He reminisced with her, recalling all the good times they had together, to keep the pain at bay. Her wounds were too much for her body to handle and she joked as the agony overtook.

"Looks like I lose my job." Buffy smirked. "I wanted to hand in my resignation before I got fired."

"Buffy...." Giles rebuked sadly, "it was hardly a job. It was your calling, and you were the best."

"You say it like I'm gone already. Giles, I'm scared. I don't want to die." She looked up into his eyes, her terror blatant. He stroked her hair. "Giles, I've wanted to say this before but I just couldn't...I love you." And with that, she slipped away.

"I love you too, Buffy." He closed her eyes as his tears fell. He held her dead body to his chest, sobbing....and woke up screaming.

Xander started banging on the door. "Yo, G-man. You ok?"

"I'm fine, Xander. Go back downstairs." It had been three days since she died, the centre of his life. Giles and the Scoobie Gang had spent that time at his house, mourning her passing. They had all known it would happen one day, but it had still hit hard when she did.

Giles' nightmares had been torturing him the whole time, reliving that horrific day over and over. He knew he would have that nightmare day after day for the rest of his life. He got out of bed slowly, wondering whether it was really worth the hassle. "Life must go on, old man. Even if you're dead inside." He said to himself as he dressed and went downstairs.

"Morning, Giles." Willow whispered from the corner of the couch, where she sat holding Mr. Gordo tightly in her arms. Giles realised then just how many people Buffy had affected in her short life. They clung to her spirit like a drowning man to a liferaft. Without that spirit, they were as dead on the inside as he. Anya and Xander were sitting huddled on the floor, comforting one another. Giles wandered into the kitchen, noting Cordelia and Wesley drinking coffee like water. Angel and Spike nursed mugs full of blood.

Angel looked up. "Your cup of tea is waiting in the microwave." He said quietly. He then went back to staring into space.

"Bah." Giles pulled the cup out of the microwave and tipped the tea down the sink. He refilled the cup with good, strong Scotch. He then went into the lounge and settled himself onto the couch at the other end from Willow. He listened to the quiet conversations around him.

"I can't believe she's gone, Anya." Xander said. "What are we gonna do?" He began to weep softly. Anya put her arms around the boy and made comforting sounds.

From the kitchen, he heard Spike. "It ain't that bad, mate. We all knew she was going to go eventually."

"I know, Spike. If only I had been able to tell her just how much I loved her and why I had to leave." Giles' blood began to boil at Angel's comment.

"Yeah, mate. I bet that 'urts. I just wish that we coulda bin friends. She wasn't so bad. Good lookin' too."

"Wesley, what's the point? Without Buffy," Cordelia choked on her name, "is it really worth it anymore?"

"She was the best Slayer in history. Her vivacity touched us all. We've got to continue the fight, even if it's just for her." Wesley clipped accent couldn't mask his sadness.

"She's not coming back, she's not coming back, she's not coming back, she's not coming back." Willow rocked back and forth in her seat, chanting the words like one of her spells.

"ENOUGH!!!" Giles jumped up from his seat, everyone turned and stared at him. "GET OUT!!!! All of you." He pointed to the door. The others all got up from their seats and made to leave. "Not you, Angel. You stay right where you are." Giles' voice was angry. Everyone but Angel slunk out the door, muttering. Giles stalked into the kitchen and sat across from Angel after refilling his cup.

"We need to talk. Correction, I'll talk, you listen."

*****
Part 2:

Giles sat down in the kitchen, facing Angel. "You loved her. Bollocks. If you'd really loved her you would have made a real go of it. Not turned your back on her because it was too hard."

Angel hung his head in shame. His heart's wounds tore open as Giles berated him for his actions. He looked at Giles pleadingly, trying to get him to stop. "Rupert, I had to go. It hurt me as much as it hurt her, but it couldn't be helped."

"Did you see how much you hurt her? Did you?" Giles leapt out of his chair in anger and leant across the table. "I was the one comforting her, telling her it would be OK. Did you know she cried for two days straight after you left? It was all I could do to get her to go back to her normal life. Then she rashly took on a demon we hadn't figured out how to kill, and now she's DEAD!!!!!!" His energy nearly spent, Giles collapsed back into his chair.

Angel got out of his chair and walked around the table to the Watcher. He began to knead the other man's shoulders with his fingers. Giles' shoulders, then relaxed under Angel's gentle ministrations. He began to pour out his feelings, dumping each one on Angel, who calmly digested each new piece.

"She was the centre of my life. Anything I did of any importance was for her, even travelling to this God-forsaken country. Everything else I did meant nothing to me, unless it was for her." He took his glasses of his nose and began to polish them with a handkerchief.

"She touched us all, Rupert. You can't deny that."

"And I don't. But your leaving, through her, hurt me deeply...."

"I'm sure it would have."

"Can you let me finish, please Angel." Giles turned and looked up into the vampire's eyes, to show him he was completely honest in his next statement. "But your leaving hurt me more than it hurt her. It hurt me because," he looked down and mumbled.

"Rupert? What did you say?" Angel prompted gently.

"I love you, alright. Are you happy?" Giles exploded. "Not only do you rip her life apart, but I have to sit back and nurse my wounds watching you two having something I never could. Then you left, she died and I'm confronting you with how I feel. And what do you do? Nothing."

The whole time, Angel stood looking at Giles, dumbfounded. His lips were working like a fish's but nothing came out. "Rupert?" He finally managed to croak out. Angel's gaze became so intense that Giles was worried that he had angered the souled demon. He rose from his chair and began to back away.

Angel's hands shot out and grabbed Giles' shoulders. Giles let out a yelp and started to struggle until Angel pulled him in against his strong, muscular body. He crushed the librarian's lips with his own and forced them open with his tongue, which dove into Giles' mouth searching every nook and cranny.

Giles stopped struggling and moaned into the older man's mouth. He ground his rapidly growing erection into Angel's thigh. Angel responded in kind. Giles started to walk them backward towards the stairs, until Angel picked him up in his arms and raced to the librarian's room.

He gently threw Giles down on the bed and proceeded to kiss him all over. Angel went for the buttons of Giles' shirt, kissing the flesh as it was exposed. He then divested Giles of his trousers and boxers. He leaned back to admire a disheveled Giles who was looking up at him lustily. "Angel...." He moaned, reaching his hands towards the vampire.

Angel leaned back in and took Giles erect cock into his mouth, sucking it deep into his throat. Giles began to pant and pushed his hips up into Angel's face. Angel increased the rhythm and added a bit of tongue and tooth. He scraped his teeth along the underside of Giles' cock, which heralded a moan of pleasure.

"Ohhhh Angel. Yesssss." Giles began to babble, his mind completely overtaken by pleasure. He started to fuck Angel's mouth faster and faster. Angel could feel the librarian's cock begin to pulse and worked it faster. Giles came in huge spurts, filling Angel's throat as he screamed the man's name. He clutched Angel's head as he spurted. Angel quickly gulped down every last drop and swooped in to kiss Giles.

Giles looked down the length of Angel's muscular body and noticed his cock, hard and waiting, bulging uncomfortably in his trousers. He looked up into Angel's eyes, his sincerity obvious. "Angel, fuck me." He said quite simply. He fumbled in the beside table drawer and pulled out a tube of lubricant. Instead of passing it to the vampire, he stripped Angel down and applied the lube himself.

Angel pushed the Watcher onto his back and put his legs over his shoulders. He positioned his cock at Giles' hole and silently asked permission. Giles nodded and Angel slowly thrust into Giles. Both gasped with pleasure as they joined. Angel stopped to allow Giles to accomodate his size, and then began to rock back and forth. Every so often, Angel's cock would touch Giles' prostate. Giles would gasp and writhe under him.

Angel upped the pace slowly until he was pounding the younger man into the bed. He noticed Giles' hardened member, a little surprised that it had recovered so quickly. He moved Giles' legs down to either side of him and covered the librarian with his body. This action increased the friction on Giles' cock and their passioned voices became louder. With one final thrust, Angel emptied his dead seed into Giles, who came all over their stomachs.

They rolled away from each other momentarily and then snuggled together. Both were quite content in the embrace. Giles looked into Angel's eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too." Angel replied and he held Giles tighter to him. "And things are about to get really complicated."

Giles grunted his agreemetn and fell asleep. The vampire soon followed and neither heard the voice at the window.

"Well, well, well. What do we 'ave 'ere. Angel an' Giles. What fun this'll be." The figure laughed softly.

*****
Part 3:

Giles felt suffocated, he just could not seem to draw a breath. He struggled with his captors, trying to break free of their choking hold. They threw him to the ground and one grabbed his hair, lifting his head from the grass. The Dream Demons made him watch Buffy's gruesome death over and over.

"No...no....NO!!!!!!" Giles screamed, lashing out at his demon captors. He awoke, still fighting and yelling. Until he realised he was being held by Angel, the vampire rocking him in the relative safety of his arms. Giles began to sob. "Make them stop, make them stop." Angel stroked the librarian's hair and made soothing noises.

"Make who stop?"

"They'll never leave me alone." Giles' posh British accent softened and some syllables became more guttural. Angel recognised it as a distinctly Surrey accent complete with glottal stop (see note). Giles began to rock more violently. Angel could see that he was working himself up into a frenzy. Angel grabbed his new found love and held him tight. His heart almost broke when Giles looked up into his eyes and he could see the pain in the Watcher's eyes, going deep into his soul.

Angel let Giles cry himself back to sleep, and then went downstairs to raid Giles' blood bag supply and make the watcher a cup of tea. He knew instinctively that Giles would be awake any minute. Seconds later, he heard the watcher scream his name and went back upstairs.

"ANGEL!" Giles cried out, looking around frantically. He spotted the vampire as he walked in the room. Instantly, Giles rushed into Angel's arms. "I just cannot take this anymore. I don't want to dream anymore. I don't want to live anymore." Angel looked at his lover, shocked. He grabbed the watcher by the shoulders and shook him violently.

"Giles, wake up to yourself! What good would you be dead? What about Willow, Xander, Cordelia, Wesley and even Spike? And the others too." He led the disillusioned man downstairs and sat him down on the couch. Angel went into the kitchen and gathered up his mug of blood and Giles' tea. He handed the watcher his tea and sat on a chair across from him. "And what about me? I've only just found someone who can love me for who I am and not what they want me to be. I don't want to go without you just yet, love."

"Ever since Buffy died, I've been thinking about how much I really mean to the people around me. And I've realised that I mean nothing to those around me. They are busy dealing with their grief and getting on with their lives. I'm just deadweight. I don't want to forget her and I am afraid that I will. I don't want to deal with my problems, I just want Buffy back, my slayer." His clipped accent had returned and Angel was looking at him with a unreadable expression. The vampire realised that Giles was dying on the inside. He realised that Giles would never fully love him until he had dealt with his grief. But he still couldn't understand what had happened, he had a feeling that something was being kept from him.

*****
tbc