*****

For the first time in his life, Ithicar was alone. He couldn't fell the presence of any of his kind. He let out a soft, hum like noise. Nobody answered. He started crying. The crying frightened him further. It was the first time he had ever shed tears. They splashed in the murky water of the LA sewer system. He tried to remember what his mother had told him. She wanted him to be strong. There was a better life for him on the outside. She told him he had a chance to be happy. He was happy where he was before. How could he ever be happy without the routine tortures, pained cries, and soft skinned two leggers who demanded each other's obedience in loud voices. It was all he had ever known. In the Initiative Base he could hear the soothing hums of the others like himself.

Ithicar's mother told him he would have to leave. She spent all of his life preparing him for the day when he would go. When he was 3 days old, large enough to walk yet small enough to fit through the escape route. He was silent all morning long, fearful of what lay ahead. The inside of the Initiative Base was strange. For the stronger demons, such as the Vampires, and others like them they had special holding cells. For the weaker demons, there were hundreds of large cages. They locked together on the sides and made columns. The soft skinners could pass through the middle of two of these rows to check on the captives. The female Trinitrotoluene and their children were kept in these cells. Their language consisted of humming sounds and overhearing conversation, Ithicar learned that he was the first child born in a long time - his mom had arrived pregnant -and there was a way out.

For the past day, Ithicar had roamed the sewer system of LA. The escape route used was through a medium sized pipe into a large pipe. After that, he was lost. He didn't even know how to get back home. He wandered around for hours. Now he was ready to give up. There was a strange sticky fluid dripping from his eyes. He lay down in a puddle and continued to cry.

XVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVXVX

Xander tried to look mournful, he really did. Ever fiber in his body was screaming at him to jump for joy, but he managed to keep his face black of expression. It would be rude to Joyce, even though she had to be slightly relieved. With Buffy gone, she could spend her time paying more attention to her normal daughter, Dawn.

Xander turned the situation over in his head again. Oh, the irony of it all. She risked her life nightly, only to finally be brought down like this. Buffy was killed with a pair of scissors. By a human. Herself. If only she hadn't looked thought that Sunday paper. If she hadn't noticed the Ben and Jerry's coupon. The slayer died of a self inflicted wound. She killed herself cutting out coupons.

That meant Xander was free. The only reason he'd stayed in Sunnydale was to fight the good fight. Now he had a reason no more. Giles left when she died. Hadn't even stayed the week it took to arrange the funeral. He left immediately. Xander had always known the ex- watcher wasn't as fond of the slayer as he claimed to be, but not attending the funeral, well, that's a definite sign of a lack of tact. Good old G-man had moved to Florida to retire early.

The only reason Willow stayed so long after graduation was Buffy. She'd been her friend for the longest time and it had developed into a crush. Then she found Tara. She never really stopped crushing on Buffy until Tara pointed out how much of a bitch Buffy really was. Then they were out of college and none of them really knew what they were going to do with their lives. Willow and Tara were married, the wedding was beautiful. Willow had come out to her parents in sophomore year of college and told them about Tara shortly after that. They still continued to introduce her to "Nice Jewish Boys" even though she was married. It wasn't that she didn't like "nice boys." Xander was a nice boy, and the threesome he and Tara gave her as their 2nd anniversary had rocked her world.

Xander and Willow made eye contact. They both tried not to grin. Willow's face was tear streaked. It was an act. Xander could tell, he was her best friend. When her lower trembled she was trying to keep up and act and make herself cry. When she cried for real there was no lip trembling.

Willow and Tara were already making plans to leave. They would head to Egypt to search for ancient magical scrolls.

And that left Xander alone. Not completely alone. There was confed and the bleached wonder, but they did nothing for him and Spike spent most of his time in LA anyway. He wanted to find somebody who would give him a happy, and maybe find himself in the process.

He decided to go to the place where people made themselves new. He decided to go to LA.

*****
Part 2:

LA did NOTHING for his happy. He'd been saving up his money from all those pathetic jobs he'd been fired from so he had money to pay the bill at the Motel 6 he lived it for several days. It was on the bad side of town. He was still searching for a job.

Five nights after he arrived, he was heading back to his motel when he ran into an old face. He'd been job hunting. No success. If anything, he would have thought that pathetic jobs would be more abundant here than in Sunnydale. He stared at his shoes at he walked the night streets. He'd need a job soon, he was just about broke. He hadn't thought long term when he came. Either he needed a job or a place to stay. Not paying attention to where he was going, Xander tripped. It hurt. He stayed down for several seconds. A small, soft looking hand was thrust in his face. "Are you ok, big boy," a soft male voice inquired. "If you're not I could make you feel all better." Xander didn't wig as much as he would have if he were twelve. A few nights with Larry and some self-questioning had told him he was bi. A two year long relationship confirmed it. He was startled though. The hooker approach john concept was new to him. But then again, he did thow himself down on the soft voiced male's corner.

He grabbed the had and pulled himself up as he was helped to his feet. Both men blinked as they realized whose eyes they looked into. Jonathan immediately blushed. Xander looked his first lover over. Larry wasn't his first lover, Jonathan was. Xander and Larry had fucked. Jonathan and Xander knew every inch of each other's bodies. They could make each other beg and cry in frustration or scream with pleasure. They were lovers, as opposed to substitutes. Larry was a substitute for Angel, Xander was a substitute for whichever jock Larry had the hots for that week.

Jonathan had his hair spiked with jell. His fingernails were painted a maroon that matched his lipstick. He had on a tight black tee shirt and ripped black jeans that were so tight they screamed "whore". Because that's what Jonathan was now. A whore. Had he been doing this for all the years he'd been gone? It was Xander's fault. If only he'd locked the door like he'd been told.

Jonathan's parents walked in on the two making love. That was the final straw. Depression was ok. Suicidal tendencies were ok. But homosexuality was the mental illness they drew the line at. They kicked him out. He moved to LA with Michael. Michael had wanted to get away for some time. He knew about the horrors of Sunnydale. The two were best friends since they were 6.

Life is LA wasn't easy. They found that out quickly. They had no money. So Jonathan started whoring. Jonathan had to be the whore because he liked to be fucked and he was the "fag". They found a shitty apartment and it's where they resided.

"Jonathan?" Xander asked. He removed his weight from Jonathan and tried to stand on both feet. He winced in pain and fell over. "OUCH."

"Don't try to stand up," Jonathan said. You caught your foot in the gutter and probably sprained your ankle.

"It does hurt. I don't think I can walk on it." He looked up at Jonathan from his place on the ground. After 5 years he was still beautiful.

"Where do you live?" Jonathan asked. Xander gave him the address to the motel. "Shit, that's like a half hours walk from here. Wanna come back to my place and let me ice it for you? I live right around the corner."

"Sure."

Jonathan half carried Xander back to his and Michael's apartment. He put Xander on the sofa and went to get some ice. He returned with a bag full of ice and sat down next to Xander. "Want me to go get a chair for you to prop that up on so it doesn't swell so much?"

"Sure." Xander was a man of few words. He was still in shock over Jonathan being a whore.

Suddenly, a loud voice yelled in from the other room. "Who are you talking to Jonnie? I thought I told you not to bring any fucking johns back here."

"He's not a John." Jonathan replied. "It's Xander Harris from Sunnydale."

"Who is that?" Xander asked as he heard footsteps coming toward the room.

"Its just Mikey. Don't worry about him, he's all bark and no bite." At that moment Mikey entered the room. Xander recognized him, barley. He grew, both in height and muscle-wise. He'd lost the make-up too.

Mikey squinted at Xander. "I think I remember you. You used to hang with that blonde slut, didn't you?"

"Buffy wasn't-" Xander cut himself off running a list of them men Buffy had slept with through his head. "Yeah. I hung with that blonde slut." But she wasn't a real blonde, he thought.

Michael turned and yawned then went back to bed without saying anything.

"Well he's -" Xander began.

"He's Mikey. But I love him."

"That's great. Good for you," he said sincerely. His heart twisted at the word love. And it seemed that Mikey wouldn't be the best person to be in love with. Xander suddenly felt like crying. He'd missed Jonathan so much. He hardly said goodbye when he left.

Jonathan leaned over and kissed Xander.

*****
tbc