Riley's heartbeat became the rhythm of Angel's life.

Wherever Angel was he listened for, and heard, Riley moving through the world. His footsteps, his clothing rustling, his breathing, his blood pumping through his veins, the beating of his heart. Heard Riley pause outside his door during the day, heard him touch his fingertips to the door, heard him sometimes press his palm flat against it, but never heard the doorknob turn.

+++

Angel was an adept and generous lover, there was no denying that. Riley couldn't say that Angel was always gentle - and he didn't want Angel to be - but he was certainly considerate. Their frequent lovemaking always left Riley satisfied, and Angel hardly ever looked away or closed his eyes anymore. But now Riley always woke up alone, whether he slept through until late afternoon or awakened in the middle of the day. It was painfully, though not precisely, familiar. Riley couldn't understand why it always seemed to be like this. Was there something wrong with him?

+++

Maybe it wasn't so bad that Angel couldn't make Riley perfectly happy. The pain that flickered in Riley's eyes was a dagger in Angel's own unbeating heart. Yet it was a pain he clung to, for in hurting Riley, Angel hurt himself. And he knew he could avoid true happiness that way. The perfect plan for the perfect relationship.

+++

By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding

Spooning with Riley one dawn, Angel waited as usual for him to fall asleep. But although he didn't say anything, Riley's hand tightened over his every time Angel shifted even slightly. Finally Angel nuzzled his ear and whispered idly, "Can't fall asleep?"

"I don't want to." Completely alert. In the silence that followed, Angel feared what Riley was about to say. "Angel-"

"Don't," Angel interrupted quickly. "Don't ask me. I can't."

"I just want to know why, what's going on-"

"I can't talk about it."

Riley rolled over to face him. "You said I could tell you anything."

"And you *can*. But this is different."

"How?"

"Just trust me, Riley. Please trust in my feelings for you. Trust that I'm doing this for you as much as for myself."

Anxiety washed over Riley at Angel's words. But he looked deep into Angel's eyes, and he did trust the honesty and emotion he saw there. So with a kiss, he let Angel go wordlessly.

Angel was beyond relieved for he hadn't known what to say, didn't want to answer the question - no matter how much he wanted to make it go away. He didn't even want to admit to himself what he was struggling with. In some ways, it was worse than the threat of Angelus' return.

Angel was having "vampire wet dreams" about Riley, dreams about biting him, sucking his blood. Not just of feeding, but of turning Riley. Dreams so intense, filling him with such overwhelming, compelling, ravenous desire, that he was afraid to sleep in the same bed with Riley.

+++

The hairs on the back of his neck were raised in alert when Riley awakened suddenly that evening. There was someone, or something, in the room. Right by him. He channeled his anxious energy into stealthy-combat mode: Led by instinct and giving no warning, he sprang blindly from the bed and knocked the figure to the floor in one lightning-fast fluid movement, straddled it, pinning its appendages, and was bringing down a crushing blow when Angel's voice stopped him: "It's me, it's me!" Riley shifted his weight back and looked at Angel on the floor under him as his eyes adjusted to the dim light. A different wave of apprehension washed over him.

"What's wrong?" he asked urgently.

"Nothing, except you're sitting on me," Angel said. He gave Riley a half-smile. "Well, nothing." He reached up with a newly freed hand and removed the sleep from Riley's eye, flicking it away. "I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to be here when you woke up. Nice move, by the way."

Riley grinned. "Never sneak up on an ex-marine when he's asleep."

"I'll remember that," Angel said, resting his hands on Riley's bare thighs and tracing slow circles as Riley continued to straddle him. Riley shivered at the cool, lazy touch.

"Did you need to talk to me?"

"No," Angel said, letting his hands wander up Riley's legs.

Riley wanted nothing more than to give in to Angel's caresses. But this seemed important so he asked, "I mean, why did you come in? Was there something you wanted to tell me?"

"I just wanted to be here with you." Angel squirmed a little under him.

"Am I too heavy?" Riley rocked back on his heels to get up, but Angel drew him back down.

"I like your weight." Angel kept his eyes on Riley's face as he took him out of his boxers. Riley breathed deeply and shifted forward, watching Angel's hand on his cock. "What do you like, Riley?"

"I like this," Riley said, still watching Angel's hand.

"What else?" Angel asked. When Riley hesitated, Angel suggested, "Do you like being in my mouth?" Riley met his gaze with a sparkle in his eye and a wide smile as he nodded. "Come here, then." Angel tried to tug him forward but Riley got up.

"Wait," he said, taking off his boxers. "You, too." Obediently, Angel undressed himself while Riley watched. He understood why Riley wanted Angel to look at him; it was a thrill to be under the admiring gaze. When they stood naked, Riley ordered him onto the bed. He straddled Angel's head, facing his body, and when Angel drew Riley into his mouth, Riley stretched forward to take Angel into his own.

As they settled into the pleasure of sucking and thrusting together, Angel tried to pull Riley down on him farther, to take all of him inside, but Riley seemed to be resisting. Angel turned his head away, keeping Riley in his hand and rubbing his saliva into the head as he spoke: "Riley, give in. You're not going to hurt me."

He felt a sudden coolness as Riley took his warm, wet mouth off Angel to reply with a hint of embarrassment, "I know, but I can't, for you - I tried to, but it made me gag."

Angel couldn't help but smile. "It's okay. You don't have to do it the way I do. I like how you're doing it. Just keep doing it, okay?" His hips rose off the bed, the cock in Riley's hand desperate to be in that moist heat again.

He moaned as Riley's mouth enveloped him again. How could Riley doubt even for a moment that Angel was not fully enjoying his ministrations? Angel's sucking became more frenzied as he undulated with the pleasure surging in him, and all he wanted was to taste Riley. He held himself back as he pulled his mouth away from Riley just long enough to wet his finger. Then he drew Riley's cock in all the way, the head touching the back of his throat as he wormed his moistened finger into Riley's ass. The added stimulus soon pushed Riley to orgasm, and as the boy came Angel released the cock from his throat, letting the head into his mouth so he could savor Riley's cum. As he did so, he let his own orgasm explode through his body and into Riley's mouth. Riley swallowed and licked and swallowed more as Angel did the same, getting off on the reciprocated symmetry.

Then Riley rolled off him. Angel moved over and kissed him deeply, titillated from tasting himself on Riley and knowing Riley was doing the same. Angel finally got up and began getting dressed, but Riley just propped himself up on an elbow and watched him. When Angel was done, he sat on the bed to put on his shoes. He thought he might persuade Riley to come out with him.

"Do you want to come out with me tonight? Heard there's a vamp nest in Silverlake," he said, turning to Riley as he finished lacing up.

"Oh - no, I don't think so. I'm not really up for, a fight."

Hearing the tension in Riley's voice, Angel immediately realized and was chagrined at his mistake. ~Why don't you just invite him to a crucifixion,~ he silently castigated himself. "Could have fooled me," he teased, trying to lighten the mood. Riley smiled sheepishly. "Okay." Angel kissed Riley. "I won't push you." He got up to go.

"Angel?" Riley said when he reached the doorway. Angel turned towards him. "I just want you to know that I understand you can't talk about, whatever it is. And it's okay. Because I know you'll tell me when you're ready." As Angel turned and left, Riley couldn't read the expression on his face.

+++

Angel was a few blocks away when he stopped, sensing someone nearby. And then she stepped into his vision.

"Angel," Darla greeted him with a beguiling smile.

It was the first time he'd seen her since he'd let her to massacre or turn, he didn't really know or care which, the company of Wolfram & Hart. He hadn't even thought about her much since finding Riley. He wasn't sure how he felt now.

"How are you?" she continued, approaching him.

"I'm fine," he replied stoically.

Neither one of them said anything as she stood before him. Finally she said, "I'm fine, too. Thanks for asking." She smiled again. "We could be 'fine' together, don't you think? We were before - more than fine, as I recall," she intimated. "And we could be now."

She reached for his face, but Angel caught her hand at the wrist. "Well, I guess you have someone new now," she said when he didn't speak. Angel didn't acknowledge it, but he released her hand. "I'll be seeing you, Angel," she said as she turned to leave. When she was at the corner, she looked back over her shoulder and added with a smirk, "It's good to know you still prefer blondes." Then she laughed and disappeared.

Alarmed at her jibe, Angel dashed to the corner, not knowing what he would do if he caught her. But she was gone.

+++

The figure in the building across the way waited until Angel left the hotel, then waited a few minutes more to be sure he'd really gone. Finally, he crossed the street, went to the front entrance, and pushed the bell. When nothing happened, he knocked insistently until he heard footsteps within.

"Who's there?" came Riley's voice.

"Avon calling!"

There was a moment's pause, and then the door opened slowly. Riley stood partly behind the door as he looked at Spike.

"Surprise!" Spike said cheerfully.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came for you, Riley. You going to ask me in?" His lips curled back, revealing his elongated fangs. "You know you want to."

Riley came out from behind the door but said, "I'm with Angel now."

"What does that mean?"

Riley took a long moment, considering carefully. "It means I love him."

"Oh, I see. And what does he think about that?" Spike asked. When Riley didn't answer, he followed up: "Does he love you?"

"Doesn't matter. He wants me."

"I want you, too." Spike grinned suggestively.

Riley shook his head. "No, it's not really me you want. Any willing body with a blood-pumping heart will do for you."

"So I just want you for your body."

"Yeah."

"And what do you think Angel wants you for? Just another part of your body, innit? Or do you think him sucking you off without drawing blood, is love?" Riley started to close the door, so Spike changed tactics. "Okay. You're right!" he conceded. "I do want your blood. But that's not all." He moved closer to the doorway, ran his fingers along the frame. "I still think about that night, Riley, and I know you do, too," Spike said in a lowered tone. "You do know that I didn't pretend for one second you were a little blonde girl, don't you? That night was, *you* were - spectacular." Spike was practically in the threshold. "Does Angel ever tell you that?" He reached to caress Riley's face, but the boy moved out of reach.

"I don't love you, Spike."

"Ah, but do you *want* me?" No answer. "Do you want what I can give you?" Still no answer. "Invite me in, Riley."

"Goodbye, Spike," Riley said as he shut the door firmly.

+++

A lesser being would have taken it as defeat, left with his tail between his legs. But Spike felt good about his first meeting as he went back to report to Darla.

"Well?" she asked without ado when he entered her room. He could hear Drusilla's high giggling and Lindsey's low murmurs as they - did, *something*, in the next room. Spike almost shuddered to think what. He still couldn't believe his Dru had become infatuated with that feckless fledgling, but there was no accounting for women's tastes.... Darla rapped his forehead with her knuckles. "Focus here, Spike!"

Spike snapped himself out of it and shook his head. "Junkie angle didn't work," he informed her. "But don't worry, I've got his number. One of the oldest stories in the book: The boy's in love with love, needs to be wanted, and wants to be needed." He smirked at human folly.

Darla returned the grin maliciously. "Then you know what to do."

+++

When Angel went out the next evening, Riley walked him to the doorway.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Angel asked him.

"Are you sure *you* don't want to 'come' with *me*?" Riley countered, leaning pelvis-first into Angel and kissing him amorously, his hands grazing the sides of Angel's face before tangling in Angel's hair and cupping the back of his neck. Angel gave himself over to the kiss, delighting in Riley hard against him, the sensations Riley was producing in him and astonished that Riley still wanted him so much, all the time, even with the way Angel sometimes treated him. Discomfited by a flash of guilt, Angel gently extracted himself from the embrace. Holding Riley's hands down in his own, Angel leaned in and kissed the boy lightly.

"I'll be back in a few hours," he said. "Will you be here?" Riley nodded and kissed him. "You're not going out at all?" Angel asked when Riley came up for air. Riley shook his head.

"No. I want to get the top coat on that dresser I've been working on."

"Okay. I'll see you later, then." Angel gave him one more kiss before going down the steps. Riley watched him all the way to the end of the block before shutting the door.

Riley had just started applying the lacquer when he heard knocking at the door. He thought it might be Spike again, or perhaps Angel had forgotten his keys. So he was surprised when he opened the door and saw a small blonde woman on the doorstep.

"Angel?" she asked urgently. "Oh, no, you can't be Angel. But I'm in the right place, aren't I? Is Angel here?"

It had only taken Riley a moment to realize she was a vampire. "I'm sorry," he said slowly, "he's not in right now. Are you a friend of his?"

The vamp shook her head. "No, I - I just thought he, might, be able to help me," she seemed agitated. "Someone told me he helps..." her voice trailed off and her shoulders sagged. "Never mind." She started away.

"Wait!" Riley called, and she turned back. "Do you want to leave your name, somewhere he can find you? He'll be back later," the boy offered.

"No," she said. "No, it's just as well. I, think I made a mistake coming here. I'm sorry." With that, she hurried away. Riley watched her for a moment before closing the door.

As she left, Darla reflected on this interesting turn of events. The boy obviously didn't know her, so clearly Angel had not said anything to him. The boy had been smart enough not to let her in, though she could tell her "damsel-in-distress" act had gotten to him. And he was even more delicious-looking close up. ~Yes, this one has definite potential,~ she thought as she picked up the receiver at the pay phone.

+++

This time when he heard the knocking, Riley thought the little blonde vamp had changed her mind and returned. So once again he was mildly surprised when he opened the door. As soon as he saw Spike, he started to close it again.

"Riley, wait! I just came to apologize." Riley stopped but looked at Spike suspiciously, so Spike went on: "For how I talked to you before."

"This isn't like you, Spike," Riley said.

"Yeah, I know." Spike scuffed his shoe on the doorstep. "I just get a little snarky sometimes. When I'm-" he sighed deeply and rolled his eyes heavenwards. This was revolting. "Jealous," he finished, blowing air out his mouth in a heavy sigh.

Riley looked at him impassively. "Goodbye, Spike," he said, moving again to close the door. And again Spike stopped him with words.

"Riley, I know you love Angel. But he doesn't love you."

Riley bit his lip. "He does. He just doesn't know it yet."

"Oh, Riley," Spike mustered up a sympathetic timbre as he sat down just outside the doorway to hide the disgusted expression on his face. "What about the curse?"

"What about it?"

Sensing that Riley and Angel had, in fact, not discussed it, Spike found the opening he was looking for. He decided to spell it out in his gentlest tone: "You know what it means, right? He can't be happy. You don't make him happy, you can never make him happy, or he'll go back to being Angelus. So he'll never let you make him happy." He paused to let that sink in. "That means Angel doesn't love you, and he'll never love you."

Riley lowered himself to the floor, sitting opposite Spike just on the other side of the doorway. "Angel *does* love me. Love and happiness aren't the same thing, necessarily."

~You're in it deep, aren't you?~ Spike thought. "What's the one without the other?" he asked Riley rhetorically. He reached inside the doorway and touched Riley's hand. When Riley allowed it, Spike said softly, "He'll never let you make him happy." There was no reply. "But you can make *me* happy." His index finger traced the life-line in Riley's palm, down to his wrist, resting on the scars there. Riley turned his head away but otherwise was still. "Do you trust him to feed from you, and not turn you?" Riley twitched, and Spike pursued it. "Or doesn't he feed? Or - is it that you want to be turned? What do you want, Riley? What do you really want?" He continued to caress the puncture marks with the lightest touch. "Does Angel ever ask you that?" Spike could hear Riley's breathing deepen slightly. "Maybe," Spike paused suitably. "Maybe he hasn't asked or offered because, he doesn't want you around forever...." Spike let the thought linger.

Finally Riley spoke, more saddened than embittered. "I'm not 'the long-haul guy,' you mean?"

Spike's fingertips traced tiny circles around the marks on Riley's wrist before rubbing the punctures directly. He lowered his voice a little more and let passion reverberate behind his words: "If you were mine, you could be my human thrall for as long as you liked. And if you ever wanted to be turned, I'd gift you that. Even if you might leave me. Because it would be worth it. You're worth that much to me, Riley."

But as he bent his head to kiss Riley's wrist, the boy withdrew it and stood up. Spike stood with him. They looked at each other for a silent moment.

"You should go," Riley said, looking down. "He could be back at any time." He met Spike's gaze once more before shutting the door.

*****
Part 7:

When Riley asked to come on patrol with him the next evening, Angel was pleasantly surprised. Shortly after midnight, they came across a vampire fastened to a young woman in an empty parking lot behind a closed grocery store. Angel assisted the woman to her feet and tried to make sure she was alright, but she ran off. Angel thought that if she could move that fast, she was probably more frightened than anything else and would be okay. He turned to enjoin the fight but saw that Riley was more than capable of handling it; within moments, he had the vampire pinned. But as Angel watched, Riley hesitated with the stake. And then the vampire was fleeing into the night. Riley didn't move as he watched it disappear.

"What happened?" Angel asked, going over to him.

"He got away," Riley replied, putting the stake away.

"You let him get away," Angel corrected. Riley merely shrugged. "Why?"

"He was afraid."

"So?"

"So I couldn't kill him."

"He was going to kill that girl," Angel pointed out.

"Maybe."

Angel struggled to understand Riley's thinking. "He was evil, Riley."

"I don't think so. Evil doesn't feel fear."

"Of course it does."

"No, I think it's like rabies. Evil carries fear, can cause it and pass it on - but evil doesn't suffer from fear."

"Riley, demons are evil."

"Not all of them. You're not."

"I'm different."

"But how different? How different are humans from demons, really? What difference does a soul make?"

Angel was almost shocked, and worried now about Riley's state of mind. "All the difference in the world," he said intensely.

"How do you know?"

"I've been both. I stand on the line between them. I know."

"But how do you know for sure?" Riley questioned him. "You only know about you. How do you *know*?"

"Riley, I know."

"But that's a lie! You know it is! How do you know humans even have the right of it, anyway? There are demons who've helped the world. What about your friend Doyle, just for one? And there are humans with dark souls, who do great evil. The Holocaust, ethnic cleansing, nuclear bombs, and not just mass death and destruction," Riley was ranting, "every day murders and rapes and assaults - almost all the evil in the world is done by people, human people! Does it make you feel better to pretend otherwise? It's not just theoretical or far away. I've seen it first hand, I've seen the evil in man's heart." Clearly agitated, Riley seemed to be pleading for something. "I know you think, or once thought - maybe you still do, that all souls are worth saving. But they're *not*."

Angel moved closer to Riley. "You're worth saving," he said seriously.

"No, I'm not talking about me." Frustrated, Riley paced away then whirled back. "I'm talking about - in the past year, everything's gone upside down and inside out. I've found out that everything I ever thought was wrong. I found out I don't know anything! I've done things, I've - I've seen things I never dreamed possible. I've seen humans treat demons as badly as any demon ever treated a human. I've, met, a vampire with a soul. And maybe that's not such the great exception it's made out to be! Maybe not all vampires are evil-"

"Are you talking about Spike? It's just the chip in his head. You know that." Then a terrible thought occurred to Angel: "Has he come by-"

Alarmed that he was so transparent, Riley quickly covered himself: "No, like, there was a vampire the other night. She came to the hotel asking for you, she needed your help. Why would a vampire come to *you* if she were evil?"

~Why, indeed?~ Angel's stomach knotted. He didn't have to ask to know who it had been. "You didn't let her in, did you?"

"No."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

Riley's energy had run out with his tirade. "I don't know. I guess I just forgot. I'm sorry. Is it important?"

"Have you seen her since? Not just at the hotel, but anywhere?"

"No, why - do you want to try to find her? Do you know her?"

"No," Angel lied smoothly. "Just be careful, Riley." They stood in miserable silence for a moment. When Angel crossed the space between them, the boy looked away and closed his eyes. Angel pressed his fingers to Riley's temples, thumbs on his forehead as he tried to massage away the tension with both hands. Too much too soon. He should've eased Riley into it without making the first fight all his responsibility. And the fact that Darla had been to the hotel... Angel felt ill just contemplating the potential ramifications. As Riley's face relaxed, Angel enfolded the boy in his arms, holding his trembling body close as the tenseness drained away. After a moment, Riley's arms came up around him.

"I'm sorry I let you down."

"You didn't let me down, Riley," Angel tried to comfort him.

"Angel," Riley started. But he didn't continue.

"It's okay," Angel soothed him. "We'll just go home now, okay?" Riley nodded and stepped away from the embrace. He looked as disconsolate as Angel had ever seen him. But he didn't know what to say so he just draped his arm across Riley's shoulders, to let him know he wasn't alone.

By the time they got back to the hotel, Riley was able to put on a brave smile. "Well, I know it's early, but I think I'll just go up now. So, goodnight."

"You don't want me to come with you?" Angel asked.

Riley shook his head. "I'm tired."

"Okay." Angel watched Riley go up the stairs. After a couple of minutes, he followed and knocked on Riley's door.

"It's open," came the muffled reply. Angel entered and saw Riley, fully clothed except for his shoes, lying on his bed.

"You shouldn't sleep in your clothes," Angel said, sitting next to him. He started pulling off Riley's shirt but Riley placed a hand over Angel's to stop him.

"I really am tired."

"I know," Angel replied, continuing to pull at the shirt. "But you'll feel better if you get out of these dirty clothes." Reluctantly, Riley sat up and helped Angel undress him down to his boxers. Then Angel undressed himself and climbed into the bed. "Come here," he invited.

"Just to sleep," Riley clarified his acceptance as he curled up to Angel under the covers. Exhausted though he must have been, it took some time for him to fall asleep. When Angel finally retired to his own room in the daylight hours, the boy had been sleeping peacefully for awhile.

+++

That evening they both pretended the previous night had not happened. Fearing to leave him alone in case Darla returned, Angel coaxed Riley to go out to a bar with him. After the near-debacle at Caritas, Angel thought it would be best to stay away from any known demon-hangouts, safe havens or not. Riley scanned the newspaper and found a musician he liked playing at the Troubadour, and Angel was pleased to see he even seemed excited about it.

At the bar, Riley looked over the liquor bottles on display.

"Know what you want?" Angel asked, reaching for his wallet and hailing the bartender. Riley shook his head.

"I'm not in the mood for beer. But I don't really drink, so I don't know... Something, manly." He grinned at Angel.

"How about scotch and soda?" Angel suggested.

"Is that manly?"

"Not as manly as scotch straight-up."

Riley cocked his head. "Is that a challenge?"

Riley's grin was still there, and Angel didn't want it to go away. "You think you're up to it?"

Riley raised his eyebrows. "Hell, yes!"

So Angel ordered two scotches. "Slainte Mhath!" he said, clinking Riley's glass and downing his drink in one go.

"What does that mean?" Riley asked, eyeing his own drink.

"It means your ass is mine," Angel said, tilting up the bottom of Riley's glass so he would drink.

"Well, we already know *that*," Riley insinuated sweetly as he regarded his glass. He sneaked a smiling glance at Angel, whose own mouth curled into a faint smile in return. Then he copied Angel's lead and downed his drink.

After the first few rounds, Riley was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. "It's not fair," he complained to Angel. "You're, what - two hundred and something years older than me! You've had way more time to build up your tolerance."

"Are you conceding the contest?" Angel asked.

"No! But, I think it would be *sporting* of you to offer me better odds."

"Like what?"

"Like," Riley paused to consider it. "You should have to drink doubles!"

Angel accepted the new parameters to their little competition. By the time Riley finally leaned against him and admitted he was drunk, Angel had been outpacing him and was up to approximately two doubles for every one of Riley's drinks.

"I guess that means you win," Riley granted. "Yeah, I'm drunk alright." He smiled broadly and reached for the drink that had just arrived.

Angel himself was feeling a bit giddy. With the contest over, he led Riley away from the bar to a better view of the stage. It was so nice to see Riley having a good time. Angel stood behind him, watching him sway with the music. So fucking beautiful.

"Why don't you dance?" he suggested, leaning forward.

Riley laughed as he turned to reply, "I can't dance!"

"Come on." Still behind him, Angel put his arms around Riley. "I'll dance with you," he said in Riley's ear. He kissed Riley's neck, his body following Riley's movements. Riley pressed back against him, and Angel knew Riley could feel his erection. He tried to slip one of his hands down the front of Riley's jeans, but Riley stopped him with another laugh. "Are you hard?" he asked, nipping Riley's earlobe.

Riley tilted his head towards Angel. "You know I am," he replied with an unmistakable twinkle. Then he turned back to the stage.

"But I want to feel you," Angel complained with a purr, trying to move his hand down only to be thwarted again. "I want to fuck you. I want to be inside you when you come in my hand, I want to watch you lick your cum off my fingers, I want to lick my cum out of your ass...."

Riley twisted to face Angel. "Then we better go home now," he grinned, "because I'm not going to let you fuck me in a night club. And if we don't go soon, you're going to be licking my cum off my boxers." A couple of people passing by glanced over and shook their heads in disgust. Out of the corner of his eye, Riley saw the woman next to them obviously listening in. He turned to catch her eye and Angel followed his gaze. When she realized they were both looking at her, the woman started slightly and then smiled.

"Oh, right on!" she said, giving them a double thumbs up sign.

"Yeah!" Riley returned the sign and laughed, leaning back into Angel's arms. He twisted around again to look at Angel. "Right on," he breathed, kissing Angel deeply.

They stopped at the bar to get one for the road and then made their way to the car. As Angel fumbled with his keys, Riley asked if he was sure he was alright to drive.

"Course I am!" Angel proclaimed, struggling to get the key in the lock. "There's just something wrong with this key."

"Here, let me," Riley said, leaning on Angel for support and taking the key out of his hand. He started to put it in the lock, then stopped and looked at it closely, squinting. He turned it over and looked at the other side. Then he started laughing so hard he couldn't stand up and had to sit on the ground, his back against the front tire. Angel looked at the poor boy, clearly incapable of holding his liquor, and waited patiently for the giggles to subside. Finally, Riley held the key up. "This is a *quarter*!" he announced triumphantly.

"No, it isn't," Angel told him.

Riley nodded emphatically. "Yes, it is. From Connecticut. See?" He held it out toward Angel. "That's the Charter Oak."

Angel took the metal object and examined it very carefully. Then he sat on the ground next to Riley. He took Riley's hand and folded it about the quarter. "Maybe we should take a cab," he said with a wide grin.

Their hands were all over each other in the cab as they whispered, sometimes a bit too loudly, their plans for each other's bodies. By the time they staggered through the door of the hotel, however, all they could do was fall onto the sofa. Angel got himself in an upright position but Riley sprawled out with his head in Angel's lap. And as Angel began stroking his hair, Riley passed out.

Angel was thankful the sofa was a full-sized seven-footer so that Riley could sleep there comfortably, since Angel didn't relish the thought of carrying him up the stairs in the state they were in. For that matter, Angel didn't relish the thought of going up those stairs himself. So he slid down to spoon with Riley. With his arm around Riley's waist, he was so close to the beautiful cock he'd been trying to get his hands on all night. But it wasn't just the cock he wanted. It was Riley. All of Riley. Angel started meditating on how much he wanted Riley, *really* wanted him. Really *wanted* him. Like forever, maybe. But Angel could never turn Riley, because if he did it wouldn't be Riley anymore, just a soulless creature with Riley's body. A cold body, not like the one radiating warmth in his arms. And while Angel loved Riley's body, it was Riley's whole being he really wanted. He didn't realize Riley was awake until he felt Riley shift and push back against him, interlacing their fingers and inclining his neck in a gesture of permission.

Riley awakened to the sound of snoring, which he found funny at first because he'd never known Angel to snore. But as he came to fully, he realized Angel was growling low against him. He recognized the sound immediately, and desire flooded him as his body remembered. ~Oh please, Angel, yes.~ This was the secret fantasy he never spoke of, that he hardly dared allow himself dream of, that he buried deep in his heart. He inclined his head forward to expose his neck and leaned back until he felt Angel's fangs against him, interlacing his fingers with the hand around his waist in silent supplication of what he was still afraid to ask for with words. But instead of the longed-for bite, all he felt was a soft kiss. And then Angel was gone.

+++

There are many things that
I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me

When Angel woke late that afternoon, the first thing he did was go to check on Riley. The room was empty, the bed unslept in. But with relief, Angel saw that none of Riley's belongings were missing. So he'd probably slept through the day on the sofa downstairs. They'd been pretty trashed last night; maybe Riley didn't even remember what had happened. *Almost* happened.

Riley looked up and turned off the t.v. when he heard Angel coming down the stairs. He was still in the previous night's clothing, his hair tousled. Angel came over and sat with him. "You didn't have to turn it off."

Riley rubbed the back of his own neck and stretched. "That's okay. I wanted to talk to you." He looked at Angel seriously. "About last night-" Angel stood up but stopped when Riley continued quickly, "Don't - don't run away. Stay and talk with me, Angel." Riley stood and came around to face him. "Please let me in. Nothing you can say will turn me from you. But your silence... Angel," Riley stopped and took a deep breath. In the pregnant silence, Angel suddenly knew what Riley was going to say, and he was afraid to hear it. "I luh-" Angel placed a finger on Riley's lips to stop him. Riley drew the finger into his mouth, sucked it with eyes closed. Then he took his mouth from Angel's finger to kiss his palm. "I love you." It was the first time Riley had said it. He regarded Angel carefully.

After a moment, Angel raised his eyes to Riley's. "I know you do." Riley's eyes promised acceptance without expectation. Angel had to look away. "But I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to handle myself around you."

"You're doing fine so far."

Angel sat down, and Riley took a place next to him. "Riley, I can't love you. I can't let myself fall in love with you." Angel felt sick to his stomach, but he pressed on, wanting to explain but not knowing how to. "It's the only way I can keep you. It's the only way I can keep myself." He knew that he wasn't being coherent - it was so clear in his head, but the words didn't make sense out loud. More explanation was needed, and deserved, but he couldn't go on. He looked at Riley, desperately hoping he hadn't broken the boy's heart.

To his surprise, Riley was regarding him calmly. "If you go all Angelus, you could take me with you."

Angel was stunned. Finally, he replied, "You don't understand. It wouldn't be like that. I wouldn't - Angelus wouldn't make a choice like that. He'd kill you, if only to spite me."

Riley chewed his lower lip. "You could turn me now," he suggested.

Angel shook his head in despair at Riley's naivete. "That would just bring him out."

"But maybe it wouldn't, if I really wanted it, if you were doing it out of luh-"

"Riley, no!"

Riley was crushed. Angel couldn't even hear the word. Maybe he was wrong about how Angel felt.

"This is a curse, Riley, do you understand? A curse. I would never do this to *anyone* *ever* *again*. I will never do this to you." The look on Riley's face was desolation, if not outright heartbreak. "Riley," Angel spoke softly now as he reached for the boy. But Riley got up quickly.

"I understand."

"I don't think you do," Angel said, not sure if he even understood himself fully.

Riley gave him a wounded look. "I understand more than you think I do, Angel."

Angel stood himself and moved close to Riley with subtly preternatural speed. "Riley," he began, reaching for his face. But Riley jerked his head away.

"Not now, Angel. Don't worry, I'll be here when you get back. I *do* understand," he said, a defiance tinged with sadness, "and I'm not leaving. So don't worry. Just, go." He gestured towards the front door.

"Riley," Angel tried again.

But Riley shook his head and walked away. He spoke without looking at Angel: "My head really hurts. I have a bad hangover right now. I just want to lie down. Alone. We can talk - if that's what you really want - later."

Unsure of what had just happened and of his status with Riley, Angel went out into the evening. As he came down the front steps, he sensed a vampiric presence and turned just in time to see the blonde female figure turn the corner. Damn Darla! Damn her to hell! All his confusion dissipated as up bubbled a fury at the thought that she'd been spying on him, had witnessed the scene with Riley. This was, as they said, the last straw! He'd been too forgiving and guilt-ridden to deal properly with Darla before, but now he was resolved. He'd killed her once before, and he would do it again. Determined, he hastened after her.

*****