*****

The back room of the shop was utter chaos. Not the normal type of 'we're about to go to war/class/we're just training, but doesn't it look cool' chaos. This was the worst sort of chaos.

This was too many people trying to help.

Normally, Rupert Giles would have enjoyed having assistance lugging all the boxes that had arrived. But the number of boxes he'd received warranted only the assistance of one, perhaps two people. What he had, instead, was Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Spike, all shuffling boxes, opening them, and God help him, unpacking them, while Tara watched the front of the store.

He was going to misplace half his new inventory in one afternoon.

"Buffy, for God's sake, put that down, it's absolutely priceless!"

Buffy quickly set down the large jade figurine. Then she frowned at him. "It's nine ninety-five, marked down from eleven-fifty."

He gave her a stern glare. "That's a correction on the date of origin, not the price."

"That's Anya-territory, then," Xander said, hefting a large box of terribly breakable objects on his shoulder. "Stick it on her desk so she can ID it when she gets back."

"Xander, please be careful!" Rupert said, for the dozenth time. Xander nodded, and continued carrying the box on his shoulder, over to the desk. Spike helped him set it on the table, and Rupert leaned back against the counter.

"Oo, what is this?" Buffy held up an object that looked like a pink plastic sword.

Rupert glanced over. "It appears to be a pink plastic sword. Does anyone have the manifest?"

"Hey, watch it!" Xander snapped, then when Rupert looked over with dread and suspicion, Spike and Xander just smiled at him.

"Oh, dear lord," Rupert breathed. He waded through the piles of packing material, and gave a genuine smile to Willow, who at least was being careful with the box she was unpacking. Then again, she was unpacking books, so she was only being careful because she was stopping with each book and skimming through it. Heaven only knew what she and Tara were learning that they shouldn't-- but he was long past ever trying to stop the two of them from delving into Things Man Was Not Meant To Know. Willow would (and had done in the past) just point out that neither of them were 'man' and keep on reading.

"Hey, Watcher..." came Spike's voice. Particularly innocent, which made Rupert 's blood run cold. It always had, it always would, no matter how more-or-less decent Spike was these days. Of course, these days it was usually because he'd...

"What have you broken, Spike?"

"Broken? Broken! I like that. Here I was going to be helpful and...well, now forget it. Not saying a word." Spike turned his back to Rupert, and peered into the box.

Rupert sighed and walked over. "What did you break, Spike?"

"Hey, Xander, do you have the tall and funky pile?" Buffy asked, handing something to him.

"Yeah, over there." He took it from her, and looked at it before nudging Spike. "Hey, put this with the other 'tall and funky' things."

"Tall and funky?" Rupert asked, still trying to see what Spike might have done. "Haven't you people learned *anything* in the years you've-- good lord! Spike, put that down at once!"

"Why, don't it qualify as tall and funky? Only thing taller or funkier I've seen round here is this git." Pointing to Xander with the object, then handing it to him.

"Xander, don't--"

Xander took it, then mimed sniffing his armpits. "I am *not* funky; I showered three hours ago."

Rupert was trying to make his way over to them, past the piles of styrofoam-peanut-overflowing boxes. "Xander, honestly, put that down now!"

Xander obediently set it on a nearby table, still sniffing-- and Buffy picked it up. "I think it's tall and funky. We'll never get it filed properly if we put it in *my* stack, which is the 'short and green' stack." She held it back out.

Xander took it once more, and handed it back to Spike, who took it and turned towards the tall and funky pile.

"I'm serious!" Rupert snapped. "Put that down at once!" He'd just made it to Spike's side, when he realized that Spike had got rid of it.

By handing it to him. Which he'd taken, apparently by reflex.

"Oh, bloody hell." He set it down on the table, and sighed. "Please, no one else touch it; no one who has touched it, touch it again."

Xander, Spike, and Buffy looked at each other, then looked at him, faces beginning to show real fear. "Should we be looking for a spell?" Buffy asked. "To undo whatever it is we just did?"

Rupert looked at them, and honestly wondered if he had a shop full of legal adults, or pre-schoolers. They all looked as if they were afraid they would be sent to their rooms without supper. Which didn't sound like a half bad idea. "That would be wonderful. If I *knew* what you just did. All I'm certain of is that you've touched an ancient Mesopotamian artifact, the literal translation of whose name is "The thing you shouldn't touch if you know what's good for you." That actually wasn't entirely true. The *literal* translation was 'tall, funky thing'. But it was commonly translated as "the thing you shouldn't touch" by those who commonly translated from ancient Mesopotamian.

Several long strands of hair had escaped Buffy's ponytail during her stint as an unrequested helper, and she blew them away from her face. "I don't believe ancient Mesopotamian guys would give something a name like that. Maybe the "Thing that's tall and funky and won't fit on the discount shelf."

Rupert pointed to the inscription on the base of the tall and funky item in question. "I can give you a dictionary, and you can translate it for yourself." Which was not bloody likely, so he was fairly safe from having to confess that she was right. " In the meantime, the rest of us will have to do some research to figure out what it is and what it...oh, bugger all."

The four of them looked at each other.

"Oh my goodness!" Willow exclaimed, and Spike, Xander, Buffy and Rupert looked up at her.

"My jeans're falling off," Spike complained.

"And your voice is all squeaky," Tara said from the doorway. "Have you been sucking the helium again? You know that's only for the free balloons, Sp.... Oh my goodness."

"I said that," Willow pointed out.

"It bears repeating," Rupert said as he looked up at both of them. Quite far up.

"You're a little kid!" Xander said, laughing and pointing at Spike.

"So're you-- and your jeans're falling off too," Spike shot back.

And they were. Little kids, that is, although it was true that Xander's jeans were also falling towards his knees. Xander made no attempt to grab them -- neither did Spike, though Buffy was clutching her skirt, and Rupert... suddenly looked down and found his trousers puddled about his feet.

His size ten feet. The *wrong* size ten. "I believe I know what the artifact is for," he commented.

"Does this mean there's a reversal spell?" Willow asked, and when Rupert looked up at her, she giggled. "You four are just so adorable."

Spike scowled. "I am *not* -- well, yes, I am. Go on."

Xander smacked him on the arm, and Spike smacked him back. Buffy waded through the styrofoam peanuts and the fabric of her skirt, and grabbed Xander's shirt. "Stop it!" she said in what was meant to be a stern Slayer voice. Spike and Xander stopped, long enough to stick their tongues out at her.

"Well, at least the thing didn't affect our personalities," Rupert observed.

"He has a personality?" Xander asked, pointing at Spike. "He must've pulled it out of one of these boxes, then, 'cause he didn't have one this morning."

"What part of 'stop it' didn't you understand?" Buffy asked him, yanking on his shirt. He stumbled forward, knocking her into Spike.

"And Buffy still has her Slayer superpowers," Xander said, rubbing his head where he'd cracked it against Buffy's.

"But not necessarily her natural grace," Rupert commented softly. Somewhere between a snide aside and a legitimate observation of the spell's effects, and also apparently not softly enough, because Buffy stuck her own tongue out at him.

"Well, my legs aren't as long as they usually are," she said, with only a trace of whine in her voice.

Xander was still rubbing his head, and Spike offered to kiss it for him. Rupert turned back to Willow. "I suspect we are going to need some assistance getting the books down off the shelves so we can research this." Willow and Tara just stood there for a moment, looking at them. After a moment, Giles put his hands on his hips and glared. "What?"

Willow and Tara exchanged glances, grinning now, then as one they moved forward.

All four 'kids' got their cheeks pinched.

********************

"Hey, I'm here... Where are you guys?" Dawn's voice echoed into the back of the shop, and Willow came up to meet her.

"They're in the office. Did you have enough money to get clothes for everybody?"

Dawn nodded, blowing a purple bubble-gum bubble at the same time. "Yeah, no problem. Um, as long as I get paid back. I *am* getting paid back, right?"

"Of course!" Willow assured her, then smiled, and walked over to the cash register, where Tara was ringing up a sale. "Give me the receipt."

Dawn handed it over, and headed towards the office with the bags. She stopped in the doorway, and stared. Willow walked up behind her after a moment, and couldn't help smiling at the sight before them. Giles was sitting at his desk, reading something. Buffy was sitting on the desk with another book, and Spike and Xander were in separate corners with their noses pressed to the wall.

"Don't Spike and Xander have to help?" Dawn asked, with a remarkably straight face.

"They *are* helping," Giles replied. He looked up. "Ah, good. You have clothing, I presume?"

"Yeah." A tiny grin appeared. "I had to buy what was on sale. I hope you guys like the Power Puff girls." She began pulling out t-shirts, shorts, and underwear -- all pink and white.

"I want Buttercup!" Spike shouted, and jumped away from his corner.

"Who said you could get out of the corner, Spike," Willow asked, though she was grinning. She couldn't help herself. The sight of a pint-sized Spike-- four, five years old, maybe? -- was enough to make anybody grin. His hair fluffed out around his face in a light-brown cloud, curling naturally, and his eyes were about the size of the bubble Dawn had just blown.

"Only did it in the first place 'cos it was fun, so sod off, witchy woman," he answered, reasonably politely for Spike.

"I want Buttercup," Buffy said, jumping off the desk. "You can have Bubbles." She tried to grab a shirt and shorts out of her little...younger sister's hands, and got thumped on the arm by Spike.

"Children! Please!" Giles snapped, but it did no good. Though he was standing in his chair now, so he could attempt to tower over them, he looked as four-year-old-ish as the rest of them, and his voice of authority was no longer anything of the sort.

Dawn held out a set of clothes. "You can have Mojo Jojo," she offered.

Spike made a face. "Bloody git can't ever pull off a plan properly 'cos he always has to brag about it. What kind of villain is he?"

"The sort that I'm going to be wearing in about five seconds, and you'll be stuck with the blonde one who talks to squirrels, if you don't just take it and put it on, Spike," Giles said, his irritation becoming more and more obvious.

"I guess we know who's gonna be Blossom, then, don't we," Xander said with a grin. "Bossy, bossy, bossy." He was already pulling the Bubbles shirt over his own head, with a little what-the-hell-I've-worn-stupider-clothes-for-a-living shrug.

*He* looked... Willow couldn't really remember what Xander had looked like as a four-year-old, because she'd been four herself. But she had pictures, and the goofy wide grin was the same. The easygoing confidence that it didn't matter if he looked like an idiot-- that was new, and so was the sparkle in the big brown cartoon-boy eyes.

As was the way he was copping a feel of a certain changing-clothes vampire beside him. Then Xander scrunched up his face. "Eew. OK, that just seems wrong."

Spike turned around. "What? Was I not in the right spot? Got a bad angle?" Four-year-old Spike wriggled his butt.

Xander shook his head. "You're *four*, Spike. I can't. I just...."

"So're you."

"Yeah, but--"

Spike sighed. "All right. Close your eyes, then." Xander did so. "You feel four years old?"

"No."

"Right, then." And Spike kissed him.

Xander grinned. "Cool."

"I've asked you not to do that in front of me," Giles said with a sigh. He glared as everyone started giggling. "What?"

"Giles..." Willow pointed at him. He looked down at his shirt, then his shorts, then his bare feet.

"What?"

"You're *four*!" Willow said, then she collapsed into giggles. Along with everyone else in the room.

"Oh, for Christ's sake."

"Giles, watch your mouth," she said sternly, or tried to, through her laughter.

"Do *you* need to go in time out?" Spike asked with an air of deep concern.

"I am *not* four years old," Giles protested, "no matter how much I may look it. I believe Xander and Spike have just given evidence that they aren't either. Please--" He held up one hand. "Save the comments about them always behaving like preschoolers. While accurate, they don't further our researches into the ramifications of our current condition."

Dawn mirrored him by raising her own hand, and Willow felt the insane urge to call on her. Giles saved her the trouble. "Yes, Dawn?" he asked patiently.

"Could you say 'ramifications' again? It just sounds so sweet with that cute little lisp!"

************

It took them a few minutes to get everyone sorted out -- Tara fetched more books, and soon everyone was studying. More or less studying, Spike and Xander were tussling over who got to lie on the rug where the floor wasn't cold, and everyone else was taking turns denying that it was their turn to separate the two.

When Dawn asked Buffy, who was seated with a book of her own, if she needed crayons, chaos erupted again for a moment. Buffy demonstrated that she still had her Slayer powers -- and Dawn proved that being tall could make up for a lot. She held Buffy upside-down until her sister promised not to knock her over, again. Giles' scolding them did no good, and finally he followed Tara into the other room, and climbed up the bookcase to fetch another book he wanted.

And was grabbed by a customer, who started scolding him for doing something so dangerous. "Look, I am *not*..." Giles spluttered, and Tara had to come to his rescue-- and get him to shut up.

"Supposed to be out here by yourself, young man," she covered quickly. "Now get right back in there and sit down."

"But I want..." He obviously realized she was right, as his experience with smoothing over Slayer-related situations came to the fore, and he lowered his voice to a sullen whisper. "Just wanted the LaVaux Treatise."

"Well, next time, let a grown-up get your mom's book for her. You're too small to be out here climbing shelves and getting into trouble!" She smiled brightly and thanked the man who had 'rescued' Giles, before grabbing the book in question and shooing the four-year-old Watcher into the back room before her.

Giles went, muttering under his breath in what was obviously not English. He stomped over to his desk -- then stopped, and shook himself. He turned to Tara and accepted the book she was holding out, with much more dignity than he'd shown. "Thank you, Tara. Perhaps it would be best if we closed the shop for the time being."

"Shouldn't be too hard. There's nobody left but that last guy, anyway, and he's just pricing crystal balls and looking at the pictures of naked dryads -- not planning on buying today." Tara stood in the doorway, where she could watch both the shop, and the goings-on in the back.

"Oo! Is this it? Tall and funky?" Buffy called out, and jumped up with the book she was holding. It was as large as she was, though she carried it easily over to Giles. "The... Urdek-uh?" she read slowly.

He peered at the page, and nodded excitedly. "The Urdeku. It is! Wonderful, now let me just see...." He trailed off as he read, the others gathered around watching him. Finally he looked up. "There is a reversal spell. A rather easy one, at that."

There was a brief scuffle, as Xander and Spike rolled around on the floor, yelling, " Me! Me! My turn! I wanna say it!"

Xander, having won by dint of the fact that he was sitting on Spike's head, effectively cutting off any attempt Spike might make, finally wheezed, "Okay-- what's the catch?"

"Have to eat bugs?" Buffy guessed. It was a reasonable, if gross, thought. Tara had never come up against a bug-eating spell, herself, but some of the cures for curses tended to be as nasty, or worse, than the original effects.

"Eew! I'm not staying to watch that, thank you," Dawn said, wrinkling her nose in that way that she swore was totally and completely different from the way Buffy did it.

"No..." Giles began, but Spike pushed Xander over and shot his head up.

"Tantric? 'Cos I can do tantric. I mean, it's a big sacrifice and all, but anything for you lot."

Xander gave him a finger flick to the ear. "You can *not* do tantric, you're four years old!"

"Can too!"

"Can..."

"Shut UP! Shut up! Shut up, shut up!" Giles climbed up on the desk again. "Be quiet, all of you!" They actually subsided, and looked at him. Three pair of round, wide eyes looked up at him, and he sighed. "I am never having children of my own. I'm saying this *right* now, and I mean it." He rubbed at his face, looking a tad startled when his hand encountered no glasses, then he continued. "The spell is rather easy, and we have all the ingredients right here. However--"

"I *knew* there was a however," Buffy muttered. Dawn whapped her lightly on the head. "Ow!"

"Baby. I didn't hurt you."

"What's the 'however', Giles?" Willow asked hurriedly.

"We have to perform the spell under the waning moon. Which is two weeks from now."

He definitely got his requested silence then, as tall people and short people looked at each other with varying degrees of shock and horror.

"Two *weeks*?" Buffy repeated eventually. "But... I've got classes! Wait, what am I saying-- yay, no classes. But... patrolling!"

"You won't miss more than a few classes. Spring Break starts this weekend." Xander pointed out. "You know, girls, fun, sun, beer, all those things I don't do these days."

Spike smacked him, then gave his requisite 'ow.' They'd stopped listening for it after the first week. "What, I'm not fun and Anya's not a girl?"

"Yes, you're not fun, and no, Anya's not a girl, she's a woman. Which I'm..." Xander looked down at his Powerpuff shorts. "Not equipped to deal with for two whole weeks. This sucks."

"Hey, look at it this way, mate," Spike said, slinging an arm around Xander's shoulder. "You can wander about and get 'lost', and pretty girls will pick you up and give you treats while they try to help you find your mum."

Xander frowned at him for a second, then grinned. Willow walked over to them, and stood there, hands on her hips. "Am I going to have to put you two in daycare for two weeks?"

"You wouldn't!" Spike protested. "I'd turn into ashes the first time we got sent out to the playground."

"Sun allergy. They'll keep you inside and make you play with clay."

Willow glared back at him until Spike grumbled his defeat. "It's not fair, she didn't used to be that much taller'n me."

"Nope. Only a little bit taller," Xander teased. "Shortie."

"*Don't* you start up again, young man," Willow ordered, giving him a glare that had always made even his adult-bodied self behave.

"Hello? Spring break equals no classes equals nice, but who's gonna help me patrol?" Buffy had a little bit of whine in her voice, like 'Hey, nobody's paying attention to me...'

"*Help* you patrol? Um, I hate to say this, Buff..."

"Then don't, Will. No *way* am I not patrolling."

"But you're three and a half feet tall!"

"Yeah, you'd need a stepladder just to stake vamps in the bits that a four-year-old ain't supposed to know exist!" Spike said helpfully.

"Look who's talking, mini-vamp!" Buffy turned on him, and Willow put a hand on her shoulder.

"Not you, too. Look, Tara and Dawn and I will take turns patrolling."

"I get to patrol? Awesome!" Dawn shot a power-fist into the air.

"No! You are *not* patrolling," Buffy folded her arms, and for a moment looked exactly like herself.

Dawn just gave her a look. "Do I have to hold you upside-down, again?"

"Look, there's no reason why Buffy can't patrol," Giles began, and was interrupted by a cheer and some shouts. "As long as she doesn't go alone," he concluded at a much louder volume. "It would be very dangerous -- Buffy, you remember when you tried to kick Spike? Your balance is all off, and you could easily be hurt."

"I can practice! Come here, Spike!" Spike ducked behind Xander.

"In the meantime, we have to figure out what we're going to do. I would suggest we simply stay home, and out of trouble...."

He looked around the room, and Tara followed his gaze. Buffy was trying to crawl over Xander to get to Spike, and Spike was taunting her and keeping Xander in between them. Dawn was laughing, while Willow tried to stop doing so long enough to separate the three. "Oh, dear lord." Giles sat down on his desk. "I need a drink."

"No, you don't," Tara said firmly. "That stuff'll stunt your growth."

*****
Part 2:

"Oh, I like these. They'd look so cute on you." Willow held up a pair of Osh-Kosh b'gosh overalls against Giles, measuring them. The brown-haired little boy tried to adjust the glasses he wasn't wearing, then just settled for crossing his arms.

"I am *not* wearing that... kindergear."

Willow put the blue corduroy overalls in her basket anyway. "I'm sorry, but they don't seem to *have* any tweed suits in your size, Giles."

"Oh, very funny. I haven't worn tweed in at least two years. But there's a difference between casual attire and something that has a large giraffe embroidered on the front pocket. I'm not too keen on wearing anything with one front pocket, to begin with."

"You can put your dignity in it, Rupes," Spike called out from where he was standing, looking at the pint-sized jeans.

"Thank you for your support," Giles told him. "Now, even *I* know that they do manufacture clothing for children which does not make one look like an idiot."

At that, Xander came jumping out from behind the other rack of clothes. "Look! Look! I found one!" He was wearing a red shirt with a yellow lightening bolt on it. "In my size!"

Giles rolled his eyes as Willow giggled. Tara came around the rack, then, and gave Willow a smile. "Sorry. I keep trying to control them, and...."

"And they act like four-year-olds," Willow finished. "Maybe we should send them to look at something else, while we pick out the clothes."

"Yeah? Like what? They got dirty mags, here?" Spike wandered over, tossing a pair of black frayed jeans into Willow's basket. Willow whapped him on the butt. "Oi! That *hurt*!" Spike rubbed his shorts-clad behind. "I'm littler than you now."

"Oh, don't be a baby. You're as bad as-- Buffy, put that *down*!" Willow ducked around the three pseudo-children to grab a twenty-pound barbell from Buffy's hands.

"Why? I can lift it, no problem. I still have my Slayer strength."

"Yeah, but you can't let people *see* a four-year-old girl lifting a barbell!" Willow sighed. "Look, the four of you know you have to keep your cover. Either behave and let us pick out clothes you can wear -- or you'll be wearing Power Puff girls for two weeks. Or wander around and look at *something* and stay out of trouble!" She shook her head, trying to remind herself that the four-year-olds were *not* four. Even if they were acting like it.

"Hey, I saw that first!"

"Did not! It's mine!"

"Find your own!"

"Give that back!"

She stomped over. "Spike, Xander, don't *make* me send you out to the car."

Both boys stuck their tongues out at her. "Like we couldn't drive it away," Xander said.

"You couldn't even see over the dashboard," she reminded them.

"Could if I sat on someone's lap," Spike said with a leer in Xander's general direction.

"Okay, that's just disturbing. Don't do that." Innocent blue eyes. Spike really should have been wearing the Bubbles shirt. She rolled her own eyes. "What are you two fighting over?"

Xander looked down at the floor. Spike looked up at the ceiling.

Willow heaved a sigh that Anya probably heard in New York City, where she was attending a convention on commercial uses of magic, and not-so-incidentally schmoozing up an old friend from her demon days who was in possession of a rare text that Giles desperately wanted to add to his collection. If *she'd* been here-- well, Xander and Spike would still be acting this way, but at last there would be someone around who had a more immediate influence over them than Willow did.

Reaching between the not-really-boys, Willow pulled out... "Legos? You're fighting over Legos?"

"It's the pirate cove," Spike muttered.

Xander turned evilly puppy-ish wide eyes on Willow. "I've always wanted the pirate cove Legos, Willow. You know that."

"So why haven't you gone to the toy store before now, and gotten it?" she asked him. Buffy started giggling, standing behind Willow, and she could hear Giles telling Tara to get that nice solid blue shirt down from the rack.

"Bloody hell, it's got a turtle on it. What is *wrong* with this culture? You can't dress children in decent, un-embarrassing clothing?"

Willow was still staring at Xander, who was silent, apparently still trying to think of a reply. Spike took advantage of his distraction and tried to slip the Legos out of Willow's hand. "Uh-uh! Bad Spike." Buffy grabbed the box from him. "I think since you guys can't play nice, I should get 'em."

"Oh, please, like you'd even know what to do with them." Spike was smart enough not to try to mess with a Slayer who still had all her strength and was now about the same height as him, but he could still taunt her. "This looks like it's about your speed." He grabbed a ratty-haired, completely unclothed Barbie from the shelf and shook it at her.

"Huh. That anatomically incorrect airhead?"

Willow took the doll out of Spike's hand. Looked at it. "She has a point. I mean, when I was your age-- I mean, the age you look now-- I didn't know any better, but really. What kind of role model do they think she is for young girls? Teeny waist, perfectly comb-able hair..."

"No nipples," Spike added helpfully. "Ow!" he said a moment later, rubbing his arm and glaring at Buffy.

Willow shook her head without sympathy. "Maybe you should go look at...the...um..." Where could they *possibly* stay out of trouble?

"Oi, where are you going?" Spike turned and walked after Xander, who had wandered down the aisle a ways. Willow and Buffy followed, curious, Tara and Giles coming along behind them to see what was up and to help corral Spike and Xander if necessary. Giles was holding a jump-rope, with an 'Try me, see if I don't' expression.

Xander was holding a red plastic fire engine, a peculiar smile on his face.

"Um..." Buffy said, staring at him as he ran it along a tabletop, still lost somewhere. "Xander?"

He looked up guiltily. "Oh. I just... kind of always wanted one like this."

"And the pirate cove Legos?" she teased.

"Hey, like there wasn't anything you wanted when you were little, and never got?" Spike was suddenly protective, hands on his tiny hips, standing between Buffy and Xander. "A pony, maybe? Your own personal palace?"

"Just what the heck do you mean by that? You really think I was some kind of overprotected princess?" Buffy was right in his face, and Xander put down the fire engine. He wandered a little way away and just looked upset, like he'd started the fight instead of it just being Buffy and Spike, albeit the bite-sized versions.

Willow stepped around Buffy and Spike and went after him. Caught up quickly enough, and she put her hand on his shoulder. When he looked up at her, all she could see was a four-year-old -- the one she'd known long, long ago, who had come over to her house and played with her toys and always put them away carefully before he left, despite all the times she told him he could borrow one.

Tara and Giles were trying to calm down Spike and Buffy -- or drag them apart, or possibly bean them each on the head. Willow just held out her other hand to Xander. He blinked at her, confused. "Come on, Xander. You know you want to. You're small enough now, and I can."

He frowned, but slowly raised his other hand. Willow leaned down, and picked him up, and settled him on her hip. Xander let his head rest on her shoulder. "It's just a stupid fire engine," he said quietly.

"No, it's not," she said, just as softly. "I remember." He didn't answer, but he also didn't squirm, as she expected he would, when she put her hand on his back, and just left it there.

So she carried him around for a little while, stopping to look at clothes that might please Giles or cause Spike to make puking noises, which was always of the good. She was standing next to a table full of folded-up t-shirts when Xander asked, a little more of the adult in his voice, "You did burn down the house next door, didn't you."

"No." Though she'd thought deeply about pulling the fire alarm at school the day after Xander's birthday. Had guilt pangs for weeks.

In a more four-year-old whine, he said, "Buy me the fire engine?"

She smiled. "Maybe. Here, would Giles wear this?" She held up a plain brown shirt -- which only had one very small bit of cartoon decoration on it.

"I think Giles wants that one," Xander pointed.

Willow looked at the shirt, and glared at Xander. "Be nice, or I'll let Giles pick out *your* clothes."

"I think he'd look cute." Xander leaned over and grabbed at the shirt -- missing when Willow stepped aside.

"I sincerely hope that was not *Xander* saying *I* would look cute," Giles said dryly.

Xander stuck his tongue out. "You *are* though. You're four -- everyone's cute when they're four."

Buffy took a considering look at Giles, and nodded. "Yeah. You kind of look like somebody just made you swallow cough syrup, but still cute."

"Ate worms," Spike corrected. "Definitely got that 'go outside and eat worms' look to 'im."

"Ugh-- remind me not to ask you about *your* childhood." She was still eyeing Giles critically. "You really have to loosen up, Giles. Four-year-olds are supposed to run around pretending to be Superman, not Middle-Aged Man."

"I *am* a middle-aged man. A middle-aged man who happens to be under the influence of a spell. It has made me short, not young." Giles gave her a stern look.

"Too short to see over the edge of the table," Dawn said, as Giles was trying to do just that. "Don't you trust Willow to find you something you like?"

"When Xander's helping her?" Giles replied, but his tone wasn't as stern as it had been.

"Well, here," Dawn said, and she was lifting him up. Settled him on her hip, just as Willow had done with Xander.

Giles looked very nonplussed. "Really, Dawn, this isn't--"

"You can see, now, can't you? Go on, find something you want."

"Yes, well, I...."

"Either you do it, or Xander's gonna do it," she reminded him.

Xander grinned at him. "There's the one I saw." He pointed.

"Remind me to do something horrible to you when I grow up," Giles muttered, staring at the Ren and Stimpy t-shirt.

"You mean, more horrible than sending Spike to live in my basement?"

Giles screwed up his face for a second as if in deep concentration, then shook his head. "Actually, I can't think of anything more horrible than that." Xander pumped his fist in the air, like he'd just gotten away with something major, and Giles glared at him. "Give me time." He reached down and picked up a plain blue polo shirt with a small appliqu� of Winnie-the-Pooh in the spot where the alligator would have gone on a grown-up's shirt. "This isn't too terrible."

"Winnie the Pooh? He's English, isn't he?" Dawn asked.

"Course he is. All the great ones are," Spike said, reaching up for the shirt. Giles held it out of his reach, and Spike pouted, then put his hands on his hips. "Didn't want it anyway. Don't even like the bloke."

"You just said he was one of the great ones," Buffy said. "Besides, don't you have the entire text of 'When We Were Six' memorized?"

Spike gaped at her. "I certainly do not! And if I did, it would be Dru's fault. She liked me to read to her and I don't remember a bloody bit of them. Besides, it's __Now We Are Six__," he added.

"Hey, there's a Peter Rabbit one over here," Xander said, making a good show of trying to distract Spike.

""Yeah? They got Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail, too? Maybe Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle?" Spike snorted, or tried to. Four-year-old bodies just aren't made to snort. "I do have *some* standards."

"Oh. Then I guess you don't want the Barney one."

Spike glared up at him, then tugged on Willow's shirt. "Would you put him down so's I can kill him, please?" He sounded terribly polite, and she almost did it just from the shock of it all.

"You can't kill him," she said in a reasonable tone. "What would Anya say?"

"If Anya heard him saying that word, she'd help me do it. She saw one of his shows, once. Locked herself in the bathroom for hours, saying it was no wonder they didn't need her as a vengeance demon any longer."

"It took us all evening and a vat of chocolate to calm her down," Xander added.

"I found one for you," Buffy interjected, thrusting a shirt at Spike. It was pink, and when Spike held it up, they could see the Care Bears all over the front.

Spike held the shirt out to Willow, and said, still politely, "Excuse me." Then he tore after Buffy, who squealed and ran away.

"Aww, they like each other," Tara said.

"Yeah, Spike always tries to kill people he likes," Xander agreed. "I mean, he's hit me over the head, threatened to eviscerate me..."

"No, that was Anya," Willow corrected.

Xander frowned. "Are you saying I have some sort of pattern of self-destructive relationship choices?"

She grinned. "No, I'm saying lots of people like you."

"Yes, well, I have a shirt, could you possibly put me down, now?" Giles was saying to Dawn.

"You're gonna need more than one, Giles. Two weeks wearing only Mojo Jojo and Winne the Pooh - when are we gonna do laundry?"

He sighed. "Fine. Why you wouldn't just take us to Gap Kids, like I'd asked...."

"Because we pointed out that we'd be taking Buffy, Spike, and Xander to the Mall. As four-year-olds. Remember? You said you'd rather be painted green and tossed to a pack of wild Ziphoriu demons?" Dawn made no move to put him down.

"I wanted to go to the mall," Buffy pouted.

"Me, too!" Spike pouted, beside her. The others looked at them for a moment, wondering why they were standing there, not running around and not screaming, throwing things, and hitting each other. Like any other normal day.

"Can I ask why-- specifically-- you wanted to go to the mall?" Giles did the infinite patience thing really well as a four-year-old. It was uncanny.

Buffy grinned. "Easter Bunny! Pictures!"

Spike looked around, like something nasty was going to jump out in Goodwill and save him by distracting everybody. Finally he said, "Well, yeah. Thought I might get one of me and Xan, so Anya could ohh-ah over it when she gets back."

"You mean so she could squeak and freak out, and we'd have to comfort her," Xander said. After a few seconds, he grinned and added. "Good idea."

"Perhaps we should," Giles began, though he sounded as though he were being talked into letting the gang invade a nest of vampires with only three stakes between them. "I'd rather pay for photos with a large rabbit, than wear any of these."

"You're paying?" Xander perked up. "I want some cotton candy!"

"And I want a hot dog, and some caramel corn," Spike added.

"Can we stop at the shoe store? They're having a sale," Buffy said. "Oh, but I guess I can't really try on the ones I want." She frowned at her feet. Then she smiled. "But I can get those pink sandals! They came in kids' sizes!"

"No, I've changed my mind. I'll wear this." Giles picked up a Superman T-shirt. "That's three, that will get me through the next two weeks. Put me down."

Dawn rolled her eyes, but she let him down, finally. "Sure, spoil all my fun."

"I'm quite certain Spike would love to be picked up and carried around," Giles said stiffly. "Or... no, I think not."

Spike glared at him. "What, I'm not allowed to get any attention?"

"I think he was thinking you'd use it as an excuse to stare over her shoulder at that girl in the tank-top," Xander said. Spike looked far too innocent for his own good, in response.

"Actually, from down here you can see up her sk-- what am I saying?" Buffy shook her head, and thumped Spike again.

Spike, however, was pouting again. "Nobody loves me," he said, jutting out his lower lip. He wandered quickly away, towards the woman in the tank top and skirt. "My mummy doesn't lo--"

"Oh, no you don't," Tara scooped him up around the waist, and held him, giving the puzzled woman a smile. "Sorry."

"That's okay, he wasn't bothering me. All of these can't be yours, right? Are you babysitting?"

"Something like that."

"Oi! I'm not a baby!" Spike wriggled wildly in her grip, but she held firm. Willow was impressed. Even Xander looked impressed.

"No, a baby wouldn't get into nearly as much trouble. You're just an evil four-year-old."

"Oh, you shouldn't tell him he's evil," the woman said sincerely. "You'll damage his psyche."

"Yeah!" Spike agreed happily, still wriggling determinedly.

Tara smiled... evilly. "You're right. Whatever was I thinking." She lifted Spike up and cuddled him. "Who's Auntie Tara's widdle morally challenged toddler, huh?" Then she tickled him unmercifully, until he was laughing so hard he couldn't say anything coherent enough to get any of them in trouble.

The woman smiled at them, and moved away -- the look on her face said she was happy she'd encouraged the harried young woman to be kind to the youngster. Rather than having a clue that Spike was planning to bite Tara just as soon as he could get away with it.

When Tara carried Spike back to the others, Spike wriggled out of her grip, glared at Giles and Buffy for laughing at him, then gave Tara a dirty look. "That wasn't nice."

"That's not what you say when *I* do it," Xander observed.

"I think we'd better head for the cashier, and get these kids someplace where they can't do any more damage." Willow handed the last of the clothes they'd picked out to Dawn.

"What damage? We haven't done any damage," Buffy said, looking around the store. "Everything's still standing."

"I mean to my sanity." Willow gave her a smile, though. She looked down at Xander, who was wriggling determinedly himself. "Careful, or I'll tickle you, too."

"S'what he wants. *He* likes it," Spike said sullenly.

"Not in a 'you can't tickle me, that would be wrong' kind of way," Xander said quickly.

"Oh, good," she replied, rolling her eyes. "If I put you down, will you stand still and actually act like you're a twenty-some year old guy in a four-year-old body?"

"Um." Xander's expression grew thoughtful. "What was my third option, again?"

"Behave, or you have to go to Bozo's Burgers for lunch, and sit on Bozo's lap."

Xander looked stricken, then held very still. "I'll be good. I swear." Willow set him down, and he went over to stand beside Spike, who had never been to Bozo's Burgers as an adult, much less a child. The group made their way towards the cashier, Spike nudging Xander along the way and trying to get him to explain. "There's this big... clown guy. With fluffy red hair. And.. um... I don't like clowns."

"Was that why you freaked out when Anya put on that red nose at the Christmas party?"

"No!" Xander denied vehemently. "I just didn't like the idea of her leading Santa's reindeer, when Giles was playing Santa."

"You two really should take that act on the road," Giles observed. "In fact, why don't you get a head start and leave now?"

"Why don't you make me?" Xander retorted, stepping over to Giles, hands balling into fists.

"I don't believe this," Giles shook his head. "I'm far better trained than you are." He grabbed Xander's arm, and before anyone could blink, Xander was sprawled on the ground.

Giles blinked, then he was bending down and helping Xander back to his feet. Xander -- and everyone else -- looked a little startled. "I'm sorry. I'm just...well, a bit stressed I suppose. I really don't know what came over me, are you all right?"

Xander blinked, then said, "I think someone needs to buy me ice cream. Then maybe I'll be OK."

"Yeah! Me, too. I had to endure the agony of seein' him thrown to the floor," Spike interjected.

"I had to endure the agony of being with Spike. Can I have ice cream?" Buffy asked.

"I...um... like ice cream," Dawn said cheerfully. "Can I?"

"Honey? Do you actually want to give them sugar?" Tara asked. From the floor, Spike and Xander started in on a high-pitched rendition of 'Sugar...ah, honey, honey...' until Buffy whapped them both upside their respective heads.

"Well, they're not *real* kids, no matter how much they're acting like it at the moment," Willow answered. "And I wouldn't say no to some pralines and cream, myself."

"Yea! Ice cream!" Xander and Spike shouted. Which was pretty much normal behavior for them. Or as normal as they got.

Tara shrugged. The look on her face was one every parent knew -- you're gonna regret this. "Just remember their bedtime is at 7," she said calmly, then gave Willow a grin as four high-pitched voices protested.

*****