It was only after we'd been on the flight for about six hours that he made the connection.

'Err.Spike.'

I was engrossed in the film, on my fifth drink and in no mood to pander to Angel's paranoia.

'Fuck off, I'm busy,'

'Spike, this is important. Look we left LA at nine this evening, which means we'll be in England at about three.'

'Yeah, what of it?'

'Spike.we're Vampires remember, three o'clock in the afternoon is NOT good.'

I give him one of my best withering stares mixed with a touch of complete derision. 'Angel, you total tosser. We are going to England remember, in November.trust me, you won't have to worry about the sun.'

But he did, he continued to worry all the rest of the flight. He didn't enjoy the film he didn't drink anything, he didn't even respond to my hand creeping into his lap and testing out his commitment to brood.

He sat a picture of misery, biting the edges of his fingers.

But of course I was right. We collected the bags and he carried them to the exit. We needed to get round to where I'd hired a car. He just stood there in amazement, staring out at the line of small buses waiting.waiting in the pitch black, pouring rain at half three in the afternoon. He started laughing and I knew the holiday had really begun.

'Course, I'd rather neglected to plan for the traffic. Last time I was in England had been with Dru, just before Prague. We'd only been out at night. This was very different to how I had imagined it would be.

Firstly we argued about the car. Well, not immediately, immediately we'd scampered around it like excited schoolboys. Fucking brilliant car.an Aston Martin, Vanquish. Felt like bloody royalty. Did I mention I like being rich? Even the poof emerged from his hair shirt long enough to enjoy the thought of having that car for a week. Then the argument started. I had the keys so naturally I got into the driver's seat. He just laughed and tried to pull me out. I resisted and we ended up in an unseemly tussle in the car park, in the pouring rain.

'Spike, you've been drinking steadily since we left LA. You are NOT driving.'

'I drive better when I've had a few, let go of the keys or I'll deck you. And you can't drive this car, you've never driven with gears before.'

And so it went on. 'Course he was right, I was drunk. But then so was I: I do drive better drunk. Not sure I've actually tried it any other way though. Neither would you, if you'd had Dru as a back-seat driver for years.

I thought I would win, after all, I'd paid for the fucking thing, but he utterly refused to give in. Said he would rather get on another plane home. So I gave in and got furiously into the passenger seat.

So did I have any sympathy when he couldn't even get out of the car park? Did I help him out when he went the wrong way round a roundabout and ended up facing into the on-coming traffic? Well, yes I did actually, cus I was fucking freaking out with it all. It was incredibly dark, the car instantly fogged up the minute we started and the rain brought the visibility down to about fifteen feet. We were completely lost and I was beginning to regret even the idea of this so called 'holiday'. It was even worse when we got on the M4. Angel was almost crying.

'Why are they flashing their lights at us Spike? What the fuck's wrong with everyone?'

I notice his language deteriorates very quickly under pressure.

'You're in the middle lane, Pet, and you're only doing.' I lean over to consult the dials, 'oh God, Angel, you're only doing sixty. Speed up for Christ's sake.'

'It's fast enough, Spike.I can't fucking see anything anyway, and why are they coming up on the left? Are they allowed to pass here on the fucking inside?'

'Angel. Pull the fuck over and let me drive. You can't sit in the middle lane at sixty. They're under-taking cus you're taking no notice of them flashing and not moving in. LET ME DRIVE NOW!' Jesus, no way am I going to look like a spasiod with him in THIS car.

He still refused to let me drive, but I could see the tension was getting to him. He was hunched over the wheel like a maniac, gripping it so tightly I thought at one point he'd leave his handprints in the leather.

`Have you started that fucking screaming again Spike, what is that bloody noise?'

`Err, you might want to change up from third Luv, given we are doing the stunning speed of sixty.'

`Oh God.'

Okay, had enough. Drastic action now called for.

'Angel, there's a service station ahead, pull in, I need to buy a map of where we're going.'

'You don't know where we are going?'

'Yes, of course I know, I just need a map is all. Pull over.'

He fell for it. We almost caused a pile-up pulling over and into the slip lane, but we managed to avoid it by me pulling hard on the steering wheel.

We both sat quietly for a while, listening to the driving rain on the roof.

'You drive now.'

'K, Mate.'

And that was that. I took over, we got back on the M4, I pulled out into the outer lane, took the car up to a hundred and we left most the traffic behind us, the occasional BMW or Mercedes sitting with us for a while before they fell behind the power of this beautiful car. Angel visibly started to relax. I could sense him sending glances over at me though in the dark of the car.

'What, Angel? What've I done now?'

'Everything, anything.'

'Eh. Lost me there, Luv.'

'I continually underestimate you don't I Spike? Do I still treat you like my Childe? Is there nothing you can't do.you've organized all of this,' he waves his hand appreciatively around the Aston. `How? How do you do it all? Six months ago you were such a total fuck-up, now this?'

'Cheers Mate.' Oh yeah. Sire's just looked at me with that, Spike's-got-a-swirly-coat, look I wanted. Respect. 'I had a little help, remember.loads of dosh! And Wesley helped too, he's got lots of contacts and friends here.'

'Yeah, I guess. Where are we going then? Come on, I've been very good. I haven't plagued you with too many with questions. I know we're going west. My Vampire acuity can sense it.'

'Oh, that and the bloody great sign just there saying 'The West'.'

'Oh, yeah, well all right then, the West. Why? Where are we going?'

'Wait and see.'

And I refused to be drawn on our destination any more. I wasn't surprised he didn't recognize it yet. Last time we did this trip together it took us a week and we traveled at night. Oh, that and the fact it was all on dirt roads. Oh, and no car of course. Oh, and not really any houses or landmarks either. Still, I remembered.

It took us about five hours to get there in the end, only cus Angel's map reading was as shit as his driving. And we had to stop for a little recreational activity once or twice. Well, three times actually, but the last time neither of us lasted long so we didn't count that one. It's fun, fucking in an Aston Martin. Tight, but fun. Love those leather seats.

Angel was really started to enjoy himself again by now.

Enjoying me too.

He was the one who started it for a change. I thought he was asleep, he'd been very quiet for a while, but it appeared he'd just been plotting. I felt his cold hand sneak out and rest lightly on my thigh.

'Spike.'

'What, Luv?'

'What did you pack?'

'What?' And he says my attention span is short.

'In my cases, what did you pack?'

'Nothing special, just some clothes and shit. Why?'

'Did you pack the.err.leather jeans you were wearing with Wes.'

Oh, now that's interesting. Liked that did he? 'Oh yeah, just for you.want me to wear them tonight?'

'I'd rather you took them off tonight.' his hand moved over my cock, one nail scratching over the tip which was visible against the tight fabric of my jeans. Now you know I have never ever said 'no' to a hand job from Angel. But even I draw the line at having one at over a hundred miles an hour, in the pouring rain, when I'm only just sobering up from excessive in-flight alcohol consumption.

'Let me pull over, Luv.'

'No, I want you now.' He bent over so his mouth could replace the actions of his hands. He got me out. He started strong sucking up and down my shaft. It was so unexpected, so uninhibited of him that I didn't even have time to indicate or pull in. I was still doing over a hundred when my cold spunk hit Angel's throat at about the same speed.

e sat back up with a feral look on his face.

'Now! Pull over. It's your turn.'

Fuck, is there an incarnation of Angel that I don't adore? I don't need to be told twice.

The English are a bit over-protective of their hard shoulders. Lots of rules about stopping on them. I'm sure one of those rules says something about not fucking your gorgeous Vampire lover on the hard shoulder. Well, I'm an anarchist.what can I say?

He needed it too. We both tried to calculate when we'd last done it. But we discovered we were both suffering from jet lag and couldn't quite work out what day it was or when we'd left LA. It was all so different here. It was dark during the day, it was raining, we'd left LA with a 25 degree high, hit Heathrow at a 3 degree low. It was all so strange and new. So we couldn't work out how long it had been since my lips had fastened on the mushroom head of his cock. But it made us laugh that we couldn't, and that was good. I sucked him off to the sound of his low laughter and to the feel of his hands in my hair. I swallowed his cold cum as he pressed my face into him and as his groans made me shudder with my love for him.

Yeah, getting into the holiday spirit at last.

It was late as we pulled though the gates by the lodge. I was watching him intently. I wanted to see the exact moment when he realized where we were. Where I had brought him.

His head whipped back to look again at the two lions, proud on the gateposts. A glimmer of recognition. Still unsure though.

He leant forward in the seat, peering through the misted windscreen at the large house ahead of us. He looked at me. He looked back at the building, which was now lit up with electricity, but it was unmistakable. As I swept in on the gravel drive and switched off the engine he leapt out of his seat and ran inside. I followed, finding the receptionist, checking in. He was looking into every room downstairs with an astonished look on his face. It was very different, even to my eyes, and I knew where we were. There had been no front desk of course. No electric lighting, no signs to the various public rooms. But the staircase was exactly the same, sweeping up from the lower levels to the bedrooms above. The walnut paneling was the same. I could almost swear that the old Axminster carpet was the same too.

I made an apologetic look at the girl on the desk and followed Angel where he had torn up the stairs. He knew now, but couldn't work out which exact room it had been. I called to him and opened a door at the end of the corridor. We went in together.

Same room.

Same fireplace, blazing out against the darkness.

Same bookcase.

But most importantly, same bed. Well, it probably wasn't, but it looked the same. Right era. The new owners of this hotel had tried to keep everything authentic.

Angel whirled around and grabbed my shoulders.

'This is the place where it happened isn't it? My God Spike! How did you find it?' He pulls me in wonder over to the bed. 'Spike, we were in this bed. All of us, when I.touched you.this was the house wasn't it? You've brought me back here?' He runs the pad of one thumb lightly over my cheekbone. I'd like to keep this moment forever. There is everything I want to see in his look, the love I've been craving for over a century, the respect I've earned and the dependence on me I want.

'How ever did you find it again?' He can't get over my brilliance. I'm not going to let him know just how easy it was. After all, I didn't really have to find it.it never went anywhere. I just had to remember and I'm good at that, where Angel is concerned.

He starts to unbutton my shirt, but I push him off with a low laugh. 'Aren't you hungry, Luv? We haven't eaten for a whole day. Come on, feeding first: fucking later.no Angel.I'm too hungry to do it first.'

I pull him over to the mini-fridge and with fingers crossed that Wesley's connections have come through for us, open it to find some carefully disguised packets chilling there. Putting four of them into the specially requested microwave, I heat up some blood for both of us. We don't even bother with mugs, we just rip open the packets and drink greedily. He keeps his eyes on me all through this little ritual. As soon as I've licked the last drops from my lips, his hands are back on me, finishing off my undressing, pulling eagerly at the last of my clothes. I return the favour until we are both naked in the flickering light from the fire. He walks backwards, pulling me towards the bed.

In a tumble of eager hands and desperate mouths we renew the century's old bond that has brought us to this place, together.

Time has no meaning here. Individual bodies seem to have no meaning either. At times, I can't work out where he begins and I end. There is just sensation and pleasure and slow, loving movements. When we are done and completely spent we lie tightly wrapped in each other's arms.

'Spike.'

'Hum.' I'm warm, full, been fucked every which way but loose and I'm watching the flames flicker in the dark. Can't get much better than this. 'What, Luv?'

'Just how many of us were there in this bed?' I can't help but laugh, cus it is a bit.small. We barely both fit in, we're not just tightly clinging to each other through love! This is the smallest bed designed for two I've been in since.oh, guess since I was last in England.

'Maybe we were all smaller then, Pet?'

'Wonder what Darla and Drucilla would think of your new bed.' He did it. He brought the ghosts of our dead companions into this room. And it's fitting. They were a part of that time, I wanted this trip to be a time when we could examine and confront the past.

'They'd probably fill it with young choir boys, fuck them, torture them and eat them, if you really want to know Angel.'

'Do you miss that? You haven't a soul. Just a chip. Don't you wish they were here, doing that, now?'

'Hum, let me think about that one. Darla. Psychotic, evil, loathed the very air I didn't need to breath, Darla. Darla who beat me to an inch of my unlife every time you left us alone. Darla who tried to kill you in Sunnydale and in LA. Oh yes, and Darla you were so besotted with you couldn't even remember my name, or so it seemed to me. Yeah, love to have her here again. Who was the other one? Oh, my Dru. Your Dru. Anybody's Dru including demons with more slime than spunk. Dru who had me so up me own ass trying to keep her with me, I let you go. Get a life, Mate. Don't miss any of that shit. How 'bout you? You allowed to miss anything, given that soul of yours?'

'Well I miss the power to be able to shut you up when I want to.'

'You can still do that Luv, you just have to put that.in here.'

He did, so we started again. We were going along nicely till, thrusting a little too hard, Angel pushed us both off the bed. We landed with a sickeningly loud thump in the quiet of this exclusive country house hotel. A loud thump followed by a lot of giggling.

We decided to forego the bed and dragged the bedding over to the fire. It was freezing in the room, even with the fire. A cold draft blew across the uneven floor. We huddled in the covers reluctant to continue where we left off for the effort of unwrapping from the blankets.

This is sharing with Angel beyond what I would have thought possible. No secrets, no misunderstanding. `Cept my bloody lie about his ring. Wish I'd told `im the truth now, but now it's too bloody late. He's such a tosser. If I tell him now, he'll let it fester and think I lied about other stuff too. Let it drop. I've got better stuff to think about.

I could hardly believe how beautiful Angel looked in the low, flickering light from the fire. His smooth skin glowed over his sleek muscles. He looked tanned and very human in the warm orange light. I rolled on top on him and pulling the blankets over us both, we slept till well beyond daybreak, till the sounds of domestic routine in the hotel woke us.

Neither of us wanted to move but I could sense Angel was brooding again.

'What's wrong Angel? We are on holiday. Leave brooding behind you now, Mate.'

'Spike.how did you book the room? I mean, what did you book us in as. I mean.'

'I know what you mean, you poof. You worrying about your non-existent reputation?'

'Look Spike, this is not LA. This is rural England. They have different sensitivities. I don't want to offend anyone.'

'You mean you don't want to be embarrassed.it's just as well I'm not sensitive Luv or I'd think you were ashamed of me or something.but just to keep you happy, I booked two rooms okay. So don't worry. I'll go and mess yours up in a minute. Just to keep up appearances.'

'Mine? Why isn't this one mine?'

'Cus this one's got the double bed, the fridge, the TV and the fire. Yours is crap. I'm paying, remember.so I get the best room.and before you say ANYTHING just remember where I was put to sleep last time I was here.'

'Oh, yeah. Sorry. But we let you come up here for the fun didn't we?'

'Don't compensate for sleeping in a coal shed. So, don't worry about our little sleeping arrangements. It's all taken care of. I'm going for a shower. Heat up some food will you?'

I slip my jeans back on and find my way to the shower. As it's nearly eleven o'clock, the place is deserted.

I stand looking at the shower for a while. It is clearly going to be one of our favourite pastimes we aren't going to indulge on this little holiday. I had forgotten about the English obsessions with their showers. Rule one: no way are they to be big enough to stand up in. Rule two: no way can you get more than a dribble of water. Rule three: said water is to be lukewarm. Compulsory rules. The showerhead is half an inch across. Only with the dint of careful jiggling with the taps can I get a dribble of water. When someone flushed something on the floor above, the water immediately went stone cold and then stopped completely. I give up in disgust, put my jeans back on and stomp moodily back to Angel.

It cheers me up no end to find Angel ready for his shower. Towel, body lotions, hair gels and other poofy crap to the fore.

'You going for a shower too then, Mate.don't hurry, I'll just drink me blood and wait for you?'

I swear Angel once spent two hours in the shower. Now, I'm not saying he was actually showering all that time, but nevertheless I timed him.two hours. Shortest time I've ever known him in the shower? Forty minutes.

He was back this time in less than four. Furious, dripping wet and cold. Colder than usual. But I'd taken the opportunity of his absence to rebuild the fire and do a little.unpacking. When he came in, even if I do say so myself, I was looking fucking irresistible in me black leather jeans. His mood turned as easily as the light flickering off the leather from the, by now, roaring fire. He came to kneel beside me, the towel around his waist falling off revealing his urgent erection. His hands roamed hungrily over my legs and ass. I could sense his excitement: see the deep purple head of his cock emerging from its protective foreskin.

'Like me like this do you, Luv? Like me in leather.turns you on doesn't it? Want me to suck you then, while you feel me up.come on Luv.kneel up, let me put my tongue on you just here.good?'

It clearly was, because he took my head in both hands and proceeded to fuck my face with hard urgent thrusts. I pushed him over backwards so I could take over for him and his hands found their way to my leather-clad backside. He pummeled and squeezed it to a matching rhythm of my mouth on his thick shaft. I didn't want him to come too quickly, so I slowed the pace down, taking the opportunity to run my tongue round his balls, over his sensitive perineum. I think the idea occurred to us at the same time. I looked up at him, he looked at me and immediately tugged desperately at the buttons on the jeans. I started to help him, but he didn't want them off completely, just enough to release my cock. He wanted me to fuck him wearing the leather jeans. I had the distinct impression that a major fantasy of his was about to be fulfilled. I wanted this to be real good for him, so I reached over to one of his poofy body things and selected a large tube, ready for use. I continued to lick and suck around his cock, over his tight entrance. Then when I felt as if my cock would explode if it wasn't deep inside him, I brought the tube over and started to squeeze out the clear gel and smear it over my exposed, ready tip.

'Oh! Fucking Hell, Angel.help.help me, my cock, I'm burning.what the fuck was that!'

I grabbed the tube.Relgex! I'd smeared fucking muscle heat on the raw tip of my cock. I rolled off him curled up in agony. Tears were pouring down my face. It was unadulterated agony.

And the love of my life?

He was rolling around too.

In fucking stitches. Angel was actually having to breathe cus he was laughing so bloody hard.

Only one thing to do.

So I did it.

I caught him and stuck it in.

That stopped him laughing.

After a while I think he actually enjoyed it.

Sad fuck.

Vampires can be weird.

Trouble with Relgex is it just gets.hotter. Even when we'd finished and my cold cum had almost seemed to hiss in his burning tunnel, we both continued to burn, hotter and hotter. I don't know who was the more in pain. Which place would have been worse to be burning. I reckon he had the worst of it though, least I could stick mine in the fridge for a while.

That's when I thought of the ice.

He enjoyed that. He lay naked in front of the fire, his ass raised up on a pillow for me and I lay there pushing ice in for him. His groaning turned swiftly from that of pain to the type of groan that made me hard again. Suited me to be in that cold, icy place too, so I entered him again amidst the swirling chips of ice, melting them with the friction I submitted his tight walls to. This time when I came I collapsed on top of him hoping for a rest, but he swiftly reminded me of his aching need, so I took him in my hand and brought him off quickly and easily onto his beautiful, hard stomach.

It had been a good start to the holiday.

But I got restless real quickly and decided now was a good time to introduce the next, exciting part of me plan.

When he heard it he sat up in alarm.

'You want to do what? Now?'

'I want to go for a walk. Now.'

'Spike, have you over-fucked yourself or something. Because you aren't making any sense. It's two o'clock in the afternoon.'

I dragged him up and over to the window. 'I told you Luv. England in November. Trust me. I told you, no sun. Look.'

I remember him telling me about a snowstorm that saved his unlife once. It had set me thinking at the time. Why do we live in fucking California? Why do Vampires pick a place that is always sunny to live? We could live here.

He looks out of the window doubtfully. Then opens the casement cautiously and puts his arm slowly out into the complete lack of sunlight. It's so gray and overcast he doesn't even feel the slightest twinge.

He turns to me with the look of a child before Christmas. 'Get dressed.and not the leather.we're going out!'

So we did. I gave the nod to the girls they could do the room now and we walked out together into the daylight. It felt like walking out under the eyes of a thousand snipers. We kept our shoulders hunched for ages; you can't break the habits of hundreds of years in a few moments. But gradually we both accepted that we were not going burn up. We stood tall and walked together in the garden, in the middle of the afternoon. We couldn't get over the brightness of the colours everywhere. Colours we only ever see in the gloom or though a window. We touched the trees, golden in their Autumn death throes. We picked up leaves and threw them at each other. I felt like we had come home to a simpler place. Los Angeles seemed more than a lifetime away. Cordelia, Wesley, demons, The Initiative, Sunnydale, all seemed unreal. This was our new reality. Angel and I walking together in the afternoon, nothing to do but talk and laugh and kiss in the gloom of an English Autumn. I seemed to remember a dream I had had lying on my bed, alone in my crypt. Before my second trip with the Initiative, before Daisy, before LA, before Angel and me, before us. At the time it had made me sad cus it seemed unlikely to come true.

I feel now that it was more a premonition than a dream.

I sometimes wonder if Angel's Powers That Be are actually real, not just a figment of his over-active Vampire imagination. Cus if they are real, I wonder if they sanction what we do.

I feel they must, cus this has come true.

But I helped it along.

I want something?

I get it.

I got quite a lot later that day, when we returned to the room. Angel seemed beside himself with excitement finally, about being...on holiday. And yes, about being with me. He actually became...chatty, which, as you know is normally quite unlike him. Bad timing too, cus I was all ready for an evening in front of the telly with a few beers. I lay on my stomach on the bed, idly flicking between channels. Angel came and sat behind me, straddling my legs. He put up with my lack of attention on him for a few minutes before reaching underneath and undoing my jeans. He pulled him off in one strong, fluid motion.

`Oi. Bugger off.'

I felt his hands lift one of my feet and his cold tongue snaked out across the top, his teeth sinking into the soft side.

`Ow...that hurts, Angel. I'm trying to watch the footie here. Do you mind?'

Apparently he didn't cus he started licking up my leg towards my knee.

`What are you thinking about?'

`I'm wondering whether if I let you shag me, I'll get to watch the second half in peace.'

`Spike...'

`Yeah, what now?'

`If you could shag anyone, who would it be?'

Oh, now that's an attention grabber. I flip over on the bed, football forgotten. He wriggles a bit so he's sitting directly on my now, naked cock. I love the look on his face. This is the fun Angel. The bit of Angelus that was fun, mixed with all of Angel that I like.

`No one. I don't want to shag anyone else but you.'

He studies me intently for a moment, looking for something. He clearly doesn't see what he wants. `Wrong answer. You can't say that, you have to nominate someone. That's the rules.'

`What bleeding rules?'

`My rules,' and he reaches behind and takes my balls in his large, strong hand. `Another wrong answer and I'll do this...' he squeezes ferociously.

`Uhh, fuck, Angel! No fair.' But I'm laughing too, cus seems to me I'll be in for a good shagging which ever way this game goes. I can't lose. Unless I lose me bollocks, that is.

`Come on then...I'm waiting...who?'

`Fuck off Angel, I'm not just going to name someone, just like that without any thought...Wesley then.'

He raises one eyebrow, a move I swear he's copied from me, studies me quietly for a minute then gives an almighty squeeze. `Wrong answer.'

It's hard to laugh and be furious at the same time. `Jesus, let go...you're a total wanker Angel. Does this go on till I nominate someone you like then, someone you want me to fuck? Alright, Dru then...I'd chose Dru.' Hah, even he can't complain at that.

He studies me again, hand quivering over my testicles. Then crushes them.

`Wrong answer. Who else then.'

When I can speak again I manage a high-pitched sort of bleat. `Oh no, Mate. Your turn. I'm not saying a bleeding thing till you tell me your number one. Go on then.' And, oh, his huge, thick, weeping cock is just inches from my teeth. I leave him in no doubt what'll be his penalty if he gets the answer wrong.

`But, Spike. You don't know what the rules are. You can't judge my answer.'

`I've never let any rules bother me yet, so come on. Answer up. Who?'

He doesn't even hesitate. `Xander Harris.'

I'm too shocked to even bite him. `What? That's obscene.'

He grins evilly at me. `Told you, you don't understand the rules of the game. Your turn again. Who?'

Two can play at this game. It's obviously just reversal. Who we would least like to fuck. Better be or I'll get extremely annoyed if he fancies Xander Harris. I try to think of the most unlikely candidate I'd like to shag. Fuck, it's not easy, cus I'm pretty much up for a shag with anyone. `Hah! The Bitchqueen.'

`If you are referring to my Sire, I'd have you show more respect. And...wrong answer.'

`Oh, fuck, stop doing that. I'm really not liking this game, Angel. It's stupid. Everything I say is wrong but I'm just following your rules. I'm not playing anymore.'

`Yes. You are. Because that was the wrong answer too.'

`Ow! Ow, ow, ow. Stop it. All right you git. It's your turn. Go on then, your number two.' He'll just pick the next person he'd least like to shag.

`You. You're number two on my list.'

`Err...what? Number two. After Harris. Get off me.' I shove him unexpectedly off me and he tips towards the floor, but he's pretty agile and grabs my arms, effectively pulling me off with him. We fall in a tangle of limbs. He sits on me again.

`Now, Angel! Get off. I'm not playing anymore. I don't understand this stupid game.'

`Wrong answer.' This time he's sitting further back and has access to my cock, which despite all my protestations about not enjoying the game, is throbbing painfully and urgent for release. He bends over slowly, keeping eye contact with me and...bites the exposed tip. Hard.

I only hope my scream wasn't heard at reception.

`Come on Spike. You're not getting it at all are you? Next nomination?'

`No, I told you I'm not playing. You can do this all night...' I trail off uncertainly. There is something familiar about this. We've played this game before. Shit. Has Angel actually remembered something I've forgotten? I didn't think that was possible.

A vague memory surfaces. Angelus and me. I'd just had a beating from the Bitchqueen. A bad one. I couldn't leave the room. She'd sent Angelus away on some spurious reason and he'd come back to find me huddled in a corner, Dru crooning over me and trying to get me to cuddle Miss Edith to make me feel better. I know exactly why she'd beaten me, she'd seen Angelus kissing me and had released a furious attack. But I didn't tell him that in case he stopped kissing me. It was all I lived for. He'd pulled me into the bed, dressed my wounds. I can feel now the sensation of his hands on me, kind, reassuring, unreal. That had frightened me as much as Darla's insane rage.

Then he'd asked me that question.

`William, who would you want to sleep with if you had the choice?'

With Angelus you always had to be careful what you answered. He was unpredictable. I went for the safe option. `Dru, of course.'

And the game began. Everything I said was wrong, his answers strange and unpredictable. In the end I'm ashamed to say he made me cry. I wanted so much to tell him that it was him I wanted, him I loved, but I knew he would not believe me. I knew he thought I was using my power over him, I knew he thought I hated him.

Is this what Angel's little game has been about? Am I supposed to stick to my first answer, am I supposed to make him believe I want him...doesn't he know after all this time?

`Come on Spike. Who next?' He's grinning again. He thinks he's won this game.

`You. I told you. You. Only you. Ever you. You. And that is all I am going to say. You.'

He looks intently at me, his hand on my cock. The bite having only served to make it desperate for release, tiny beads of precum ooze from the tip and slip down under my foreskin. I look steadily at him.

`Wrong answer.' He bites me again, but I notice there was a slight lick in there too and he sounded far more hesitant. `Who?'

`You. I've told you. You.' He clearly needs more convincing. One hundred years ago I gave up trying to work out his game and he'd left me crying, hurt and bewildered on the bed. He didn't come near me for weeks after that. This time I don't need this shit, I just need him.

I pull him down to my lips and holding the back of his neck in a vice-like grip I ravish and plunder his mouth. I take our cocks together in one hand and as I taste the potent mixture of my own blood and precum in his mouth I bring us off together in one explosive orgasm. As I feel our cum erupting over our bodies I mouth to him through the kiss, `You.' I feel him smile against me and he returns the kiss with equal passion and fervor.

I rebuild the fire which, by now, is almost out and we lie together wrapped in the bedclothes. This time plundered from both beds because it is absolutely freezing in the room. He's quiet now and absently playing with my hair.

`Okay tosser. What are the rules?'

He laughs delightedly. `Oh Spike, William, Childe, lover...that's the point. There are no rules.'

`Angel! Stop it, come on, what's the point?'

`The point, love, is that there is no point, ever. Unless you love me. That's the point.'

`Well what about the Harris stuff then and me being second?'

`Did you believe me?'

`No, course not.'

`There you are then.'

`Where? I still don't get it.'

`Then shut up and kiss me again.'

I did, but I still mulled over his stupid game in me head. I didn't get it. I didn't get it the first time either. But the outcome is definitely different.

Is that what he was trying to show me? That the rules don't count, that what we say don't count: it's what we do...only what we do.

I pull him tighter to me. He's a strange one, this Vampire lover of mine. Guess he's entitled to be a bit odd...given his history. It's going to take me a long time to work him out.

I like a challenge though.

*****
Part 17:

This is the best it has ever been.

Being with him touches me, more than I can say.

But can I just say this too.I HATE this place!

The idea of a holiday was abhorrent from the outset. Despite being physically and mentally exhausted, I just felt it was the wrong time to leave my.duties. I had told the Powers that I didn't need a reward: that I wanted to continue saving people. I had just been granted this great gift.Spike, so the last thing I wanted to do was leave LA. But Spike's safely was threatened, so I agreed.

I had no idea he would bring me here. And I admit; being here in this place with him is incredible.

All those long weeks ago when he came to me in Los Angeles - when he was brought to me in Los Angeles - all those weeks ago, this was the place I remembered. This is where, thrusting into Darla then Dru, I had put my hand up to feel their soft, cold skin and had felt Spike instead. That touch was to start me on the long journey to where I am now. But nothing, nothing could have prepared me for just how good being with Spike was going to be.

I love him.

I love the way he thinks, I love his company, I love his body,

I tried to tell him that today. I think he got it. I think he understood me. I played a game with him. I'd played it before, but for once it was me that remembered, not him. I had found him beaten and scared and my evil, demon heart had wept for him. I knew why Darla had done it. I knew she abhorred my love for him. But I was scared to tell him, scared that in his pain and humiliation he would mock me. I just wanted him to admit he wanted me. But he didn't. He just didn't get it. But I tried it again today and this time I think he got it. I think he intuitively understood that there are no rules to what we have. We are dead. We are demons. I have a soul: he is chipped. We are insubstantial tricks of light. No ordinary rules for human love can apply to us. There is only belief in each other. There is only trust and conviction that there is just.us.

He seems so at home here. I am afraid. I'm afraid he wants to stay. And I can't do that. Even without my promise to the Powers, I just can't live.here. It's not me anymore. I seem to have left this further behind than he has. Perhaps he's just more adaptable than I am. Perhaps he has fewer needs. I don't know what I will do if he wants to stay. It will destroy me.

It's our third day here.I think. To be honest, I've rather lost track of the days. We have no routine and day seems to be night in this place. But after I got him to admit that he loved me I slept the literal sleep of the dead.

It's late morning now and the bed is empty. I hate waking up now to find myself alone. A hundred years of loneliness have been replaced by a few weeks of Spike's companionship and I am now beyond help. I stretch into the almost warm spot he has left. The fire has gone out and the room is incredibly cold. There's been a howling gale around the house all night and now a cold, steady rain beats against the window.

Hideous, hideous country. There's never any hot water. Everything's too small for me, if I've banged my head once on the beams in this room; I've done it a hundred times. There's nothing open for night dwellers. No shops, nowhere to get money. It's appalling.

But I'd never tell Spike that. It would break his dead heart. I can't wait to get back to LA. I can't wait to get back to the warmth, to proper plumbing, to modern conveniences, to the dry. To dry cleaners. Christ knows how I'm going to get my stuff clean here and I've only brought two bags for a whole week. I've worn everything already. It's a nightmare. I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. Perhaps I can sleep away the rest of this holiday, or at least, spend it in bed. With Spike of course. No sleep then. Just the bed bit.

The door suddenly flings open and Spike comes in dripping wet but elated by something.

'Jesus, you lazy fuck, Angel. Get up. I thought you'd be up and showered and dressed. You've missed the hot water now. I've asked; it goes off at nine. So you're buggered, Mate. Still, won't matter, where we're going. Put your warm stuff on.come on.up and at 'em.'

'What the hell are you talking about Spike. It's mid-morning. We can't go out!'

'Bollocks. We've been through this before. Look out of the window. No sun. So get up. I want to show you something. I want to show you why we are here.'

'No. It's too cold. It's raining. Come back to bed.'

'If you don't get up now, I'm not getting up tonight. If you get my meaning.'

'You wouldn't.'

'Try me.'

'I hate you.'

'Yeah, yeah, heard it before. Now get up. I'll wait for you downstairs. Ten minutes. That's all I'll wait.'

Ten minutes! It takes that long to get my hair right. This absolutely intolerable. But I submit. The thought of not having Spike in my bed.all right, in me.is too awful to contemplate. But ten minutes!

I make it in fifteen, which is the best I can do. He gives me a long, slow look from head to toe. Distain is evident in his features.

'I said warm, Angel.'

'This is my warm stuff.' I'm wearing a cashmere shirt, my long coat and wool pants. That and my leather shoes is the best I've got.

'Fine. You've been warned. Come on then.'

He's only in his habitual jeans, shirt and duster, so I can't see what the problem is. I follow him anxiously out into the mid-morning gloom. I will never get used to this. This is just not right. Vampires should be inside during the day. I don't remember going out before. Angelus had more sense I guess. I think I'll start a campaign to bring back coffins. Yeah, Vampires securely in coffins during the day.

'Stop brooding! This is not an attendance only excursion.'

'Where are we going?'

He stops, looks at me, turns his head and says gleefully, 'Up there.'

Oh, my, God. No!

In the distant gloom I can see the high moors that dominate this whole area. Bleak, freezing, wet, empty, moorland.

'Why for God's sake? What's up there?'

'Wait and see.'

'No Spike, I'm not going up there. It's miles away, it's all uphill. I'm soaking wet already, I'm freezing.Spike.come back!'

Fuck.

I trudge after him muttering curses.wishing him more dead than he already is. He is almost flying with energy and enthusiasm for this place. His coat billows out behind him and he leaps from rock to rock.

We've only been climbing for half and hour when my foot sinks into the edge of a bog. I lose my shoe and in retrieving it, lose the other. I sink almost to my knees in the mud.

'I couldn't hate you more at this moment Spike.'

'Oh come on, lighten up Mate. Look around you. Look at the moors. Breathe the.oh, you don't. Well you could, you know. You can breathe if you want to.'

'I am a Vampire Spike.' I never thought I'd be reduced to using that as an excuse. 'I don't go out during the day, I don't climb hills, I don't breathe, I don't want to ponce around in billowing coats on the moors. This is not a fucking recreation of Wuthering Heights.'

'Wrong moors, Pet.'

Spike! I don't fucking care.'

'He was a Vampire you know.'

I'm trailing behind him now, my feet freezing in my soaking shoes: he still leaps from rock to rock seemingly inexhaustible. It's raining so hard I almost lose sight of him.

'What fucking version of the book did you read?'

He suddenly appears along side me that intensely irritating grin on his face. I'm actually beginning to wonder if I should just give up on having him inside me ever again, and just go back to the hotel. 'It's obvious, Angel. Anyone can see that.'

'You are delusional.'

'Who could unquiet lie, in that quiet earth? Obvious. Only a Vampire would have that said about him. And what about the sudden acquisition of money.no explanation and oh, remember the torturing of puppies! I seem to remember another Vampire who liked nailing puppies.'

'Shut up, Spike. I'll nail something more substantial if we ever get off this bloody moor.'

'You'll have to catch me first then, Pet,' and he scampers off like a hyperactive child.

Eventually I reach the outcrop of rocks he was heading for. I find a sheltered nook and huddle down, determined to hate every minute of being up here.

'Come up to the top Angel.'

'Sod off.'

'Now come on, you're beginning to sound like me again. You can do better than that Angel. Come on, you wuss, it's only a few feet more.'

'I don't like climbing. I'm cold. I'm hungry and I'm sick to death of you.'

'Spoil sport.'

'I do not believe I gave up the chance to be human, for you.'

Well that silenced him. I give an evil, quiet grin to myself. He suddenly appears alongside me, sitting close as if he needs shelter himself.

'What did you just say, Angel?'

I look him straight in the eye. 'Before we left LA, I went to the Powers That Be and asked them to revoke my reward. I'm not going to become human now. Ever.'

'Why?'

His hair is dripping down, flattened and soft. His eyes are incredibly blue, brilliant in all this gloom. If he could only see himself, he would know why I did it. He is beautiful and I desire him beyond my ability to express it. Even if I do hate him as well at this very minute. But I can hate him and love him at the same time. As I said, no human rules apply to us. I take his face gently in my hands. 'Didn't seem so much of a reward.'

'Oh. So what are you going to get instead?'

'I've got it. It's you. They gave me, you.'

'Crap deal then!'

'Yeah, that's what I've been thinking for last three hours.ow!'

I kiss him deeply, almost reverently. And up on this Tor, in this freezing, wet, evil weather, I tell him the story of my vision and how I saw him turn to dust beneath me. How I.killed him. It is a long story and we are both shivering by the end.

We sit in silence for a while. I can mentally hear the cogs in his brain churning over this information. 'So that's why you were all over me when I came home with Wes. Hey! That's why you accepted my explanation of that fucking photo so quickly. And hey! What do you mean, you cut my fucking head off!'

'I didn't actually. Actually I spent all night making love to you.'

'Oh, yeah.'

'And do you really ever think things through before you do 'em? You've given up so much; fuck, Angel.the chance to be human. It's all you wanted. Do you really.love me that much?'

A long kiss seems to satisfy him because he suddenly leaps up and starts scrambling and leaping over the rocks towards the top of the Tor again, shouting and singing off-key, in a falsetto voice. Bizarre Childe.

I watch him for a while huddled in the lea of the rock. I'm trying picture what warmth is. The wind has changed direction and is now blowing from the North. The steady rain has now turned to sleet. Horizontal sleet.

'Spike! Time to go.' But there's no sight of him at all.

I hear a slight noise and look up. Just for an instant I think I've seen some sort of moorland spirit, but on closer inspection it is a tiny, elderly woman securely wrapped from head to toe in waterproof clothing. She's carrying a large stick and has a huge backpack weighing her down.

She looks at me with equal astonishment.

She slowly takes in my city shoes, caked with mud and clearly soaked, my lightweight designer clothing and my extremely pale face. She spends a long time looking at my pale face.

'Are you quite all right?' I translate this as a polite way of her asking if I am fucking mad. 'You are lost.' This is a statement, not a question.

'Err.no, actually I'm not. Strange as that may seem. I know where I am.'

'Ahh, American.' And that clearly, in her mind, explains everything.

'You are not really dressed for the weather or the moors are you? I really think I should accompany you down.' She must have been all of seventy, about five foot nothing and she was offering to accompany this eternal, Master Vampire down the hill. I've been brought low.

'You look very cold. I've some tea in my thermos, would you like some?'

'Err.no, that is very kind of you, but we're going down soon.my friend wanted to see the.' what the hell did Spike want to see up here?

'I gather your companion is the other young man, unsuitably dressed, prancing around on the top. Singing.'

Wait till I tell Spike he was prancing! 'Yes, did you meet him?' I pray he did not speak to her. He's like a fire-and-forget missile sometimes, open mouth, let loose.

'Oh yes!' A slight grin. 'I think I startled him rather.'

'Hum. He's acting out scenes from Wuthering Heights. Probably thought you were a moorland spirit.'

'Wrong moors, dear. But that explains it.American actors.now I understand it all.' That 'all' took in the hair, the clothes, the ludicrous situation, everything.

'Well, if you are sure you are both all right, I'll be on my way. I want to get to Okehampton before dark. Nice to have met you.goodbye.'

'Bye.' Please take me with you and adopt me and put me in front of a fire and feed me.

She gave me one last look and trudged off.

'Spike!'

'What?' If my heart could stop, it would. He just materialized out of nowhere.

'Down! Now!'

'But you haven't seen it yet.come on Angelus.' He grasps my hand and pulls me to the top. He called me Angelus. This must be important. He never makes that mistake now. Just as I never call him, Will. It's not who we are now.

We get to the top. The wind is almost impossible to stand against. But the sleet has stopped. I glance nervously at the sky. There seem to be patches in the deep, somber cloud. 'Spike. Look. There are holes.in the cloud. This is serious.'

'I know. Fabulous isn't it?'

'What?'

'Look.'

He turns me around so I am facing the panorama of the moors in front of us. He slips his arms under my coat and wraps them securely around me against the wind and rests his chin on my shoulder so he can talk comfortably above its howling.

'Look.'

So I do. A beam of sunlight comes out from the cloud. It looks like a finger of God touching the land. It's miles from us, but even so, I feel a shiver of dread run down my spine. But, oh, I see what he means. It is beautiful. The whole ground is a light purple from the Heather. There are patches of mossy green, the whole, blending like a watercolour up to the steel gray sky. The granite rocks glisten like pools of sliver. I look harder. This reminds me of something. I close my eyes and try to bring the memory to the surface. I see these colours around me, but not here. Somewhere else, recently.

'Like it, Luv?'

I turn my head slightly so I am inches from his face. He is looking with a sad longing over the scene and it comes to me.

This is his basement. He has recreated this place thousands of miles away in a distant, foreign, sunny land. I never realized he was homesick. I never saw it. He's brought me all this way, brought me up this godforsaken hill to try and tell me something.

My borrowed blood runs cold in my veins. He is leaving me. He misses this. That's what he's brought me up here to tell me.

'Good, isn't it? Angel? Don't you see it? It's my place.'

'I know. You miss it don't you?'

'What, this? This fucking freezing country where it's always raining? Nah.don't miss it at all, I've got the best bits in my basement. That's much better, just the colours without the rain, without the cold.'

'I thought you were trying to tell me you were staying.here.' If there is a catch in my voice, it's only the cold.

'Hah! You wuss! I am never going to let you forget that! Me! Here! No cable! No cold beer! No junk food! No nights hot enough to unfreeze even your sorry ass! Come off it, Mate. I'm not that stupid. Nah.I just wanted you to see it for yourself.'

'What Spike? What am I supposed to be getting from this hideous experience?'

`This is where I came, Luv, the day afterwards. After you'd touched me and kissed me, I got up and came up here. I didn't ask permission, I knew you wouldn't have let me out during the day. Angelus was just as anal as you really. But I did. I came up here and I saw this. So this was in me mind as I was...shit, I'm gonna sound like the biggest poof in England, but I'm gonna say it anyway...as I was falling in love with you. This is what I saw. Just as it is now. And I've carried that memory in me head all these years. Carried you, and the feel of you in me head too.'

`I thought you were pinning on an airfield somewhere.' He slaps me playfully on the belly.

`That was metaphorical pinning. This is real. I came up here and thought you loved me...'

`I did...'

`Yeah, but I didn't know that.did I?'

We both stand looking over at the view. I admit I was glancing nervously at the sky too.

`Angel...'

`Um?'

`You know the leather?'

God, how his mind jumps around. `Yes, I know the leather...what about it?'

`It was a fantasy wasn't it and I did it for you.'

I don't like the way this conversation is going or the slightly seductive tone to his voice.

`Yes...'

`Well I want one now. Here on this bleeding rock. Where I came hopelessly a hundred fucking years ago. I wanted you then and couldn't have you. All I could think about was how you kissed me and how much I wanted you inside me. Now I can have you. Please Angel.'

Has he really brought me all the way to England, all the way to this pile of rocks for me to shag him in a howling wind? That's what this holiday has all been about? My head says, NO! It says it's freezing. But my heart can't deny him. Wherever my love for Spike resides in this demon-infested, dead body, it says...do this for him.

I take his hands in mine and place them over my cock. `Okay.'

I feel him smile into my ear. He undoes my pants, eases them down just enough to get me out. He takes me in his hand. I look down.

He peers over my shoulder.

`Oh.'

`Okay...maybe another fantasy then, Luv. Later. Tonight!'

`Looking forward to getting back to LA now, Spike?'

`Oh yeah!'

So he tucks my tiny, shriveled cock away for me and we make our way thoughtfully down the hill.

`Must have been the cold.'

`Oh, yeah, right, Pet. Just the cold. Don't worry about it.'

`Oh, I'm not. It was cold up there.'

`Hey, Pet, we're room temperature creatures. It was probably below freezing, so no wonder. Totally understandable.'

`Are you laughing?'

`Hardly Angel. That would be insensitive of me. I mean, I only waited for a hundred years...' He runs off gleefully into the dark.

Fortunately I can pick up his scent and follow him, even in the dark that has now overtaken us. We've been out nearly eight hours. I'm so tired and cold I can't even brood anymore. So I follow Spike disconsolately down the hill.

Following him, would have been a good plan if he had known where he was going.

Four hours later we make our way through the lodge gates and up the gravel drive to the main door. The night porter lets us in. I'm sure he's seen stranger sights but I can't imagine how. I feel completely...flat. Drenched. Evil. Spike is oddly quiet and abashed. I didn't shout that loud when we got lost. I only vamped out for a few moments. I only punched him once.

I thought, given the circumstances, I'd been quite restrained.

The porter wishes us a good night and nods at Spike that all the requests for the room have been done.

I forgive him the minute I walk in. In our absence, they'd stoked the fire regularly so the room is almost sub-tropical in temperature. He looks at me and gives a faint shrug. `I thought we might be cold.'

I heat up six bags of blood while he strips out of his wet stuff. While he drinks, I do the same.

`See you've recovered then, Pet,' he says amiably, nodding towards my cock.

`Physically maybe. I'll have mental scars for days.'

`Ahh, poor Angel. Do you need your ego stroking a little then?'

`Not my ego Spike...this.'

So we kneel face to face in the firelight. His long, supple fingers warming themselves on my cock.

I put my hands to his hair and pull him into a deep kiss.

`How good at pretending are you Spike...imagine we are on those bloody rocks again...?'

So, in our imaginations, he took me on top of his precious English rocks. As his aching cock pushed past my ring of tight muscle, I swear I could feel again the rain on my face. As he set up a deep, intimate rhythm in my body, his groans mingled with the howling of the wind. When his cold cum erupted in my bowels and I felt a high, almost painful orgasm, it was his colours I saw exploding behind my eyes.

We lay sated and luxurious in front of the fire. We didn't know it then, but that was to be our last daytime excursion of the holiday. When we woke in the morning, it was to a strange light coming in through the drawn curtains. Spike slipped out of bed and cautiously opened a crack, peering out.

`Hey! Come look Angel.'

It was a brilliant, clear day, not a cloud in the sky. But the really amazing thing was that the whole place was covered in a foot of deep, pure, snow.

`Can't go out now then.' Please agree, Spike!

`Guess not.'

`Wonder what we'll do then. For the rest of the holiday?'

`Yeah...I wonder.' An evil grin. `You or me?'

`Oh...let's start with you and see shall we? I'm feeling energetic.'

There is only so much you can do in a hotel. Some of our more `energetic' activities had to be curbed. So we became inventive instead. We found ourselves sharing fantasies and desires that had lain repressed for decades. Once we had begun, there was no holding back. I discovered more about Spike in those last three days, and he about me, than possibly a lifetime in LA would have allowed us to do.

We talked for hours. We kissed for longer. We made love as many times as even our Vampiric strength would allow.

We shared our blood in intimate ways beyond the Lore of the Sire and Childe bond. We broke all the rules that holiday, human and Vampire. We felt ourselves to be completely free of restrictions and inhibitions.

It was a very good time.

But in the end, were we both glad to get home. It actually felt like coming home for both of us.

The arson attacks had been mysteriously solved in our absence. Wesley told me they had someone responsible. If he looked as though he knew more than he was telling me, I didn't ask, I was just glad Spike was off the hook.

Because that meant he could be with me constantly. It meant he could come out on all my cases, be with me when I was working. Help if he wanted to. And now, he seemed to want to. Perhaps he just didn't want to leave my side either. We always seemed to know what the other was thinking.

I know Cordelia and Wesley both noticed the difference between us. Spike was easily accepted and the four of us became tightly bound together in our work. If I worked even harder to prove my commitment to the Powers and, in some way, to thank them for their gift...well, Spike was there fighting alongside me, so I didn't mind. Of course, we both believed in the work hard, play hard, motto, so life away from work was fun too. Although Spike finally found out what it was like to have an insatiable demon lover wanting you after a long day of fighting other demons. I even saw him...tired, once or twice. It was funny.

We spent most of our time at his place. I'd gotten kind of fond of the high-tech gadgets. I saw them with completely new eyes. We spent a lot of time showering for some reason, both of us never losing the delight of turning on the tap and finding...water! Hot water. Hot, powerful, water. And of course, what can I say? I just wanted those colours around me all the time. I wanted to be loved on the Wild Heather. I wanted to take him against those granite rocks again and again. That he had recreated that place, here in LA, made me hard every time I thought about it. Hell, what can I say, Spike made me hard every time I saw him.

He indulged my fantasies about him too. Leather became quite a feature of his wardrobe. He wore it to work: he wore it at home. He never let the others see that he knew the effect it had on me. But I knew, he knew. I knew he was smiling to himself when his muscles moved, sleek and hard under the material as he fought. I knew, he knew the effect his thighs alongside me in the car had on me. How I kept my hands off him sometimes was a mystery to both of us, but we enjoyed talking about it at night when we were alone.

It was not all a one-way thing either. I became as bad as him sometimes. I had never realised quite how much Spike had looked up to me and respected me. I always thought he hated and derided me. But he had confessed that that was just his way of defending himself against the pain of my rejection. So I swear I found myself becoming deliberately...heroic, on occasions. It would have embarrassed me if I hadn't have known the reaction I was having on Spike. I almost caught him hopping from foot to foot after one rescue so desperate was he to get me alone and...God I hate using his terminology, but in this case, it seems appropriate...get me alone and shag me.

We couldn't have been closer. When I wasn't with him I thought about him. When I was with him I bathed in him. I opened myself up to him in ways I never thought I could. I confided in him and relied on him and he was always there for me.

I never once regretted the decision I had made to lose my reward. A brief flash of humanity, or an eternity with Spike?

Not much of a contest.

That is, of course, if we got to have our eternity. I think the Powers That Be have a warped sense of humour sometimes. Doesn't matter how much I tried to make up for my ingratitude, how much I tried to prove that I was committed to the good fight, in the end it seemed as if it was all going to be for nothing.

Maybe they thought it was funny.

I think, maybe, they are just cruel.

*****