The music began playing as each pair stepped up to the doorways. On either side of the pool room, not-quite facing each other -- as if they could have seen each other through the crowd in the room.

The crowd was busy staring at the new arrivals -- some whispering, most just staring and smiling. There was a bit more whispering and some laughter when the singer burst into 'If ya want my body, and ya think I'm sexy, come on, baby, let me know...' but a pointed glare from Cordelia in the direction of the curtained sound booth silenced *that* song in a hurry.

It was followed in short order by a riff from 'Rawhide,' the opening to 'Rhapsody in Blue,' three bars of 'Hungry Like The Wolf,' and something that sounded suspiciously like the theme from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, all of which were immediately quashed by increasingly sharp glares from Cordelia Finally the processional began -- for real -- and everyone calmed down in the moment of silence before the music started playing.

As a familiar voice began to sing, Spike, Angel, Xander and Giles began walking down the aisles created by the dark red carpets.

"Now when he was a young man, he thought he'd never see..." By the time the chorus sang the first 'King Tut', everyone in the wedding party was giggling. Well, everyone who wasn't singing along with the doo-whoppy background vocals, or waving surreptitiously at their favorite Dingo. It was probably a good thing that the Host, in complete King Tut regalia, was singing from an elevated choir loft *behind* the spectators. or no one would have been looking at Xander and Spike.

Angel was obviously calling on every bit of patience he possessed, merely stopping and smiling each time Spike did the Walk Like An Egyptian move, which was about every third line, and never ceased to get a chuckle from the audience.

Giles and Xander were having an easier time proceeding, though they had to walk slower, in order not to reach the head of the aisle before Angel and Spike. The only moment of difficulty came when Xander spotted his parents in the crowd -- he gripped Giles' arm noticeably tighter and turned his head back to see Spike through the crowd, dancing again. As if he knew -- but there was no way he could have -- Spike stopped what he was doing, and looked up. Across the room. A second or two of stillness, then he proceeded the rest of the way with Angel, not stopping to dance again.

When they reached the end of the aisles, though still two steps short of where they were intended to leave their sires behind and take each other's hands, Spike let go of Angel and walked over to Xander, taking Giles' place without fuss. They exchanged a smile, then walked the last few feet and stopped.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to bear witness to the union of these two men," Ethan Rayne intoned. "And the rest of you can watch, as well."

Spike nudged Xander. "He doesn't mean *that* kind of union, does he? Cos I don't mind, but your granddad might have that heart attack if he had to bear witness."

Xander whapped Spike gently on the back of the head and pointed to the table behind Ethan. "Behave. Your children are watching." The three Piranha, complete with illusionary bow-ties courtesy of Willow, were watching the goings-on with apparently avid interest.

Spike shrugged. "Like *they* haven't seen it all before?"

"Just behave," Xander said again, and turned to face Ethan -- who was waiting quietly.

"If there is anyone who has reason that these two should not be married, chuck 'em in the pool now." There was a pause, and Ethan looked around the room. Raised an eyebrow. "No one? Aw, come on."

From Wesley's mouth came the unbelievable words, "Well, it still isn't actually legal in California..." He glared at Ethan, who looked completely innocent. Then a small ball of green fire shot out of Wesley's hand, heading straight for Ethan's behind. A jump and a yip later, the ceremony was back on schedule, with no objections. And no sopping wet Wesley in the pool.

"All right, spoil my fun. See if you get to play with their wedding present," Ethan hissed at him, before turning back to the couple. "It's a really great thing these two are doing. Really. All right, time for the ritualistic murder of the English language. Also known as your wedding vows." Xander and Spike looked at him expectantly. "Repeat after me," Ethan began. "You have the right to remain silent."

"You have the right to do this right or face the wrath of Cordelia Chase..." came the hiss from somewhere behind Spike.

Spike shook his head. "No, these're the right vows."

Xander repeated Ethan's line, with a bigger grin than ever.

"You have the right to an attorney..." There was loud booing and hissing from the audience. "Not one of those attorneys," Ethan said sharply, giving the audience a look. "Anything you say can, and will, be used against you, whether you said it or not," continued Ethan, glancing down at the book in his hands. "If you cannot afford a lawyer, Xander will retain one for you." He looked up, then, at Spike.

Spike just looked earnestly back at Xander. Xander repeated the line, dutifully.

"You have the right to bother Xander when he's trying to do something serious, as long as you look extremely cute."

Xander frowned. "I didn't write that one." Spike looked extremely cute. Xander sighed, and said, "You have the right to bother me as long as you look extremely cute and give me chocolate first."

"You have the right to snog whenever and wherever you like, as long as Cordelia has given you written permission."

Xander glanced at Cordelia, who looked back innocently. He stuck his tongue out at her, and didn't repeat the line.

Ethan shrugged, then read, "You have the right to stay out of your Sire's rooms." Spike and Xander both glanced at Angel, who was standing nearby in his tails and skin-tight swim trunks and flexing his buttocks whenever one of his lovers' gazes wandered away from his backside. As Xander repeated the line, he tried to peek over the top edge of Ethan's book. Ethan pulled it towards himself and continued, calmly, "You have the right to one bottle of Batham's, as long as you return the filched copy of Powerpuff Girls Hit Mid-High School."

A smattering of giggles broke out across the audience, and wasn't remotely quelled by Spike's fierce glare. It was, however, silenced by a loud 'Shhh!' from Joyce Summers, in the front row. Xander again repeated his vow to Spike, managing to keep a semi-straight face.

Ethan glanced down, smirked, and intoned, "You have the right to never fill anybody's truck bed with cranberry Jell-O and/or have sex in, on, or near it again unless you want somebody to get medieval upside your head."

"How'd he know it was cranberry, I wanna know? Less he tasted it, after," Spike said.

Xander just repeated the vow. Finally, Ethan poked Spike on the shoulder. "Your turn, now."

Spike smirked, and asked, "Xander, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so long as it gets you shagged?"

Xander nodded fast. "I swear!"

"May we have the rings, please?" Ethan asked.

At that cue, Willow stepped forward, holding out a small pillow with a single golden ring in the center of it. Xander gave a grin to his lifelong friend, before turning back to face Spike.

Behind Spike, Buffy was whispering, "Now, Dru. The ring."

"I think a golden fish jumped up and snatched it from my hand," Drusilla whispered back.

Buffy peered suspiciously at the piranha tank, but all three fish were behaving themselves, and watching the ceremony. "Dru, are you sure you don't have it? Did you check everywhere?"

Drusilla smiled broadly, then frowned, then reached down her red bikini top, pulling out a leather ring with an elastic fastening, and holding it up so Buffy -- and the entire front row -- could see it. "Here it is!"

Buffy hissed. "That is *not* the ring, and I so don't want to know where you got that."

Drusilla looked hurt, but reached down her top once more, and this time came up with a matching gold band. "That one's Spike's. So this must be my puppy-boy's ring."

She held the ring out, and Ethan smiled. "Very good, Drusilla." Dru beamed at him.

Spike took the golden ring and Xander held out his hand. As he slipped the ring onto Xander's finger, Spike echoed Ethan: "With this ring I tell everyone to back off unless they go through me first."

Then Xander accepted the ring from Willow, and spoke the same words as he put it onto Spike's hand.

Ethan turned to Spike. "Do you, William Abelard, take Alexander LaVelle to be your unlawfully wedded husband, in sickness, health, blah, blah, bollocks, utter rot, et cetera, so long as you're not dust yet?"

Spike nodded. "Yeah." Then he growled. "S'not Abelard!"

"Do you, William Heloise..." Ethan began again.

Spike growled again. "All right, it's Abelard. I do, so shut the hell up."

"Do you, Alexander Lavelle Marion, take William Abelard to be your undead, unlawfully wedded husband, in wealth and poverty, and all that same other stuff, so long as you can?"

Xander blinked. "How the *hell* did you find out about 'Marion'? It isn't even on my birth certificate!" Ethan just smiled. "Er, yeah, I do."

"You may now kiss, but only--" Ethan stopped as Spike and Xander grabbed each other. "Briefly," Ethan finished, though neither Spike nor Xander made any sign that they'd heard. Or cared. Or were going to stop, ever.

Until Xander thumped Spike on the arm and everyone heard "Air! Need air!" Spike straightened up and removed his mouth from Xander's, but his arm was still around Xander's waist.

"Then, by the power vested in me as the bloke with the snazziest robes around, and no, don't even try to say otherwise, David, I now pronounce you husband and husband."

Spike looked up at him. "Ain't we supposed to kiss *now* ?"

Ethan shook his head. "You're married now. Married people don't do that sort of thing. So I hear."

Spike and Xander both flipped Ethan the bird. Ethan shrugged. He stepped forward and turned Spike and Xander towards the audience -- having to spin them around as a pair, since they wouldn't let go of each other.

"Ladies, gentlemen, ducks, demons, and fish. May I present to you Spike William Abelard Bloody Harris Wyndham-Pryce Gunn Chase Summers Rosenberg Jones Giles and Alexander Lavelle Harris Bloody Wyndham-Pryce Gunn Chase Summers Rosenberg Jones Giles."

There was total silence in the room.

"They did *what*?"

"Shh."

The band kicked into a smooth-jazz rendition of "On Top Of Spaghetti," the Host crooning the melody line in eerie duet with Oz' electric bass, and the grooms walked down the center aisle. Together, arm in arm.

Directly behind them, Giles accompanied Joyce Summers, followed by Angel escorting a beaming Drusilla. Then there were three women in red bikinis: Cordelia, Willow, and Buffy. Whenever Cordelia noticed anyone looking at her impalement scar, she pointed ahead at the grooms and whispered 'They did it.' After them came four more, in black tank suits: Tara, Anya, Harmony, and Dawn. Bringing up the rear were Wesley and Gunn, looking somewhat unused to not having to make room beside them for Angel's wide-shouldered body.

Spike and Xander led the line around the back of the audience, along the edge of the pool towards the lobby-side doors. Before they reach the doors, when the entire wedding party was spread out behind them, along the pool -- Spike and Xander ripped off their tailcoats, then jumped.

After they surfaced, and the applause died down, the wedding party followed suit, then the assembled guests, and the splashing soon drowned out the band's reggae version of 'How Dry I Am': at least the first few measures, before the band joined everyone else in the pool.

*******

The appetizers were a bit soggy, but that was to be expected, considering the theme of the reception. It was also why they were mostly fruits and veggies that could handle getting wet. Much like the wedding party, Cordelia thought. She hadn't tried to steer anyone into the dining hall, where the rest of the reception was set up, until at least a third of the guests were sitting on the edge of the pool, rather that trying to keep cheating at splash-tag. She'd noticed a certain vampire and his two lovers in a corner of the pool, trying to pretend they were alone, but hadn't had to go annoy them.

Dawn had done that, in her stead. Done a rather nice job of it, too. Bouncing the beach ball off Angel's head was a wonderful touch. Bouncing the beach ball off Angel's head for ten minutes straight was just evil enough to make Cordelia glad that Dawn was on *her* team. And Dawn was the perfect team-member for the job, since no one was going to mess with the Slayer's little sister, even if she wasn't all that little anymore.

Cordelia had noticed right away that Justin hadn't shown up at the wedding with Dawn, but no one had offered Cordelia any gossip as to why. That meant it was either a touchy subject, or utterly trivial. As guests began responding to her directives to head in for the reception, Cordelia grabbed Dawn by the arm.

"So! Where's Justin?"

Dawn made a face. "Flu. Didn't want to make anybody sick. I pointed out that half the people who'd be here are immune anyway, but I guess he has a point."

"Well, kinda... duh." She knocked lightly on Dawn's head with her knuckles. "Like this place isn't gonna be loony enough without everybody yakking up the canapes into the pool?"

"Oh, I know. Just... kinda feel like I'm the only one here without a date, y'know?" Dawn glanced over her shoulder. She quickly composed her face. "I think weddings are supposed to be like that -- either you propose to your boyfriend, or you get morose because you can't." She grinned.

Cordelia's nose pricked. It always did, when there was gossip in the air. She couldn't help it. It was like passing a White Castle and not getting sucked in by The Crave. Or like passing Xander and Spike's suite and not being able to tell when they'd spilled the strawberry lube all over the living room floor. Again. "Do I detect a hint of non-moroseness, Dawn Aileen Summers? Like, if he'd been here, you might..." Dawn just gave her that mysterious half-smile that Cordelia had spent *years* teaching her. Cordelia was torn between pride and frustration. "You *will* talk, eventually."

Dawn raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" Then she grinned again. "Well, you know about Angel and Wes and Gunn, right? I mean, I don't think he's actually asked yet, but--"

Cordelia's hand tightened on Dawn's arm. "You are kidding me." She had to be -- this was the sort of thing that *she* would know, first. Possibly second, after Spike. But Spike would never be able to keep it a secret, unless...unless he were immediately distracted. By, say, getting married. Her eyes narrowed at the younger Summers. "You just said that so I wouldn't make you confess about Justin." Dawn blinked big blue eyes at her. Cordelia shook her head. "Doesn't work for Spike, ain't gonna work for you, chickie-baby."

"I'll tell my sister on you, and she'll beat you up," Dawn said, on hand on her hip, for all the world as if she were a snotty fourteen year old again, instead of just about to graduate from college a year early.

"Um, yeah, you'll tell your sister about how I forced you to give me the scoop on her ex-boyfriend and his boyfriends? Or, alternatively, her little sister's impending somethingorother?"

Dawn bit her lip for a moment, as if weighing the options, then grinned. "Okay, you got me. I know nothing. I don't really think Angel's romantic enough to do something like that, anyway. Only girls get all soppy and hormonal at weddings, right?"

"And your somethingorother?" Cordelia asked, as she and Dawn trailed the last of the guests towards the dining room. She had faith in Spike and Xander to handle things properly from this point -- food, and opening presents. Even if they did everything in the wrong order, they could wave it off as part of the New Wedding. It was almost over, anyhow, and *this* was important. Dawn looked innocent. "I suppose I could call Justin. See how he's feeling, poor boy -- home alone with the flu."

"Don't you dare!"

"Aha! So there *is* something!"

Dawn gave her the big blues again, but this time they were the 'You're my friend and mentor, and you wouldn't want to make me cry, would you?' eyes. "Maybe. But I'm not at liberty to say, until... Well, until I know I won't make a fool of myself, you know?"

Cordelia stuck out her tongue. "Oh, like he'd say no. Child, he played strip lasertag with Spike and Xander to make you happy."

"Yeah, and managed to come out of it still wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt because the dork-boys were too busy aiming at each other." Dawn rolled her eyes.

"Well, we *did* tell him it wouldn't be too painful, didn't we?"

"Yeah, then when he asked why no one *else* wanted to play, he almost left for Barbados."

"Barbados is nice." Cordelia looked through the crowd gathering around Spike and Xander. "Come on! We're going to miss the best part."

"What, where they smear each other with cake?" Dawn sounded like she'd just as soon miss what would, no doubt, be turned into an excuse for Spike to lick Xander in front of everyone. 'Cleaning him up for the photos'.

She let Cordelia drag her towards the table, though. "No! The part where they hand out pieces of chocolate cake. Duh!" Sure enough, there were plates of incredibly moist devil's food cake being passed around the room as the two women took their seats at the head table. Also, sure enough, both grooms' faces were suspiciously clean, and still shining.

What ended up on the plate in front of Cordelia was not, of course, cut from the wedding cake. *That* was still safely displayed on a lower table in front, where everyone could see it, and safely protected by a shield-spell, so that no one, meaning Xander and Spike, could actually touch it.

Four-tiered, chocolate from top-to-bottom, it was a masterpiece of Spike and Xander's personal brand of insanity. A sort of curvy slide thingy that looked like one of the chutes from a chutes-and-ladders game, made of carved Swiss chocolate, ran around and down from the top of the cake to the bottom, flowing with melted fudge sauce that filled up the surrounding moat. In that circle of sauce bobbed about twenty miniature yellow bath ducks, and a little boat containing seated Spike and Xander figures. The boat would bump its way through the ducks, get pulled into a little central elevator thing, lifted to the top of the cake, then sail happily down the fudgy waterslide again.

Spike swore the figures weren't wearing any pants, and that they were anatomically correct -- to scale, of course. Cordelia was willing to take his word for it. They'd had to order other cakes, because the baker swore that once he finished with his creation, anyone who so much as licked a fingerful of frosting would get turned into a newt. Spike had wondered how that was going to stop him, until Xander had whispered into his ear. Cordelia hadn't wanted to know what he'd said, she was just happy no one seemed to be trying to subvert the shield-spell.

She had noticed earlier that one of the ducks looked exactly like Morrie -- and that another looked exactly like Gunn, were he turned into a duck. She'd been afraid to look closely at the others, to see if she recognized anyone else.

"So," she said after licking chocolate frosting off her fork. "How much time are you giving him?"

Dawn looked carefully at her plate. "Uh... you mean, after I get up the nerve to ask him? Or before? 'Cause I really don't think it would be fair of me to count before."

"Do I have to repeat the thing about 'do you really think he'd say no?' "

Dawn looked up, with a strange, sly little grin on her face. "Okay, you got me." She leaned over and whispered into Cordelia's ear. "We got married four months ago, right before we got the new apartment. I mean, knowing how weddings in this family tend to go, I thought sneaking off to Reno was the best idea since Xander came up with holy-water-filled-Super-Soakers."

"And you aren't wearing a ring because...?" Cordelia countered. If this little girl thought she was going to get the better of Cordelia Chase! She hadn't been hard at work as a private eye -- or at least a private eye's personal Vision Girl -- for nothing, all these years.

Dawn looked down at her hand. "I didn't want everyone to know, yet."

"Because...?" Cordelia finished her cake, and eyed the table. She really shouldn't.

"Because...um...."

"Dawn, do you know what Xander does to Spike when he catches him in a lie?"

Dawn raised an eyebrow. "Blinks and waits another thirty seconds for the next one?" It was Cordelia's turn to lean over and whisper in Dawn's ear. "You *wouldn't* !" Dawn looked at her with as much shock and moral outrage as a twenty year old version of Cordelia Chase might have, and it was just as fake. Cordelia buffed her nails with a napkin, and blew on them. "I'll tell on you." Dawn threatened.

Cordelia just raised an eyebrow at her -- doing it with much more poise as Dawn had, if she had to say so, herself. "Like anyone *here* would stop me?"

Dawn looked around the room. "Giles might. If I tell him you're being mean to me, he'll stop you."

"Uh-huh. Then after *I* tell him it's because you don't want anyone to know you're already," she mouthed the word 'married'.

"But I'm not!" Dawn protested. Then she stopped, and glared at Cordelia, who was laughing. "You did that on purpose."

"Who da woman?" Cordelia asked, not lowering her eyebrow.

"Yourawofuzicta..." Dawn mumbled.

"Oh, Giles," Cordelia called down the table.

"You da woman. Geez! Shut up! Please!"

"Yes, Cordelia?" Giles looked up from where he was trying, unsuccessfully, to stop Spike from dripping fudge sauce down the back of Xander's neck. The de-lusting spells were still going strong, but there was only so much of an effect they could have on *those* two.

"Cordy...." Dawn whined.

"Could you pass me another piece of cake?"

"Er, yes, of course-- Spike, do you *want* to try opening your presents, as a newt? Because no one here will turn you *back*, until three days into your honeymoon." Spike was looking thoughtful, as Giles moved away to get a piece of cake. He brought it over, and gave the two girls a smile. "Seems like only yesterday they were trying to kill each other, doesn't it?" His eyes were shiny.

"Um, it *was* just yesterday. The hose and the elevator?" Cordelia accepted the plate, and scooted a little to make room for Giles, as he pulled up a chair.

"Ah, yes, well. I doubt either of them *meant* it, yesterday."

"What about the thing with the pocketbook and those four wrenches?" Dawn asked.

Giles looked thoughtful. "That one, I'm not so sure about."

"*I* am," Cordelia said. "I distinctly heard Xander say 'Ah, English pig-dog. Now you die the little death, immediately followed by the big death.' I'm just guessing the little death was so good Xander forgot about the other one." Dawn looked at her, then at the cake, as if wondering whether there was something besides fudge in it. "Well, they were role-playing. They're *always* roleplaying. Last Monday they came into the lobby -- with a client there, mind you -- dressed as the Blues Brothers."

"At least they'll never be bored," Giles observed, sounding as though he were trying not to say anything that might be construed as any sort of comment at all. Cordelia happened to know -- though she really wished she didn't -- why there was a sombrero in Giles' closet.

"Yeah, but what about a hundred years from now? Won't they run out of people to pretend to be?" Cordelia asked, trying to think of all the movies, video games, and books the two of them actually enjoyed. One would think the entire series of Bugs Bunny cartoons would be safe, but she knew better. She still shuddered whenever she heard someone say "kill da wabbit".

"A hundred years?" Dawn asked, and Cordelia found Dawn looking at her, with her eyes wide. "Won't...I mean...he...is?"

Cordelia blinked. "Well, no, not *now*, no, but... You didn't know? Spike popped *that* question years ago."

Dawn swallowed hard, like she'd taken too big of a bite of cake. "Um... no. I didn't know that. I kind of thought maybe nobody ever said anything because-- Well, Spike would do that. Stay with him until he got old and..."

"Wrinkly and prunefaced like Giles." Cordelia smiled brightly at the aggrieved look she got from the Watcher-turned-bookstore-owner. "That's a direct quote, don't glare at me."

"I realize it's a direct quote. That doesn't mean you can't paraphrase it."

"So, when...I mean, how long are they gonna wait?" Dawn shot a look over at Spike, who was busy picking up wrapped packages and shaking them.

Cordelia glanced over, as well. "I'm not sure. All Xander ever says is that Spike's waiting until he looks old enough to buy beer."

"That could take another decade," Giles said. They all watched, thoughtfully, as Xander whapped Spike in the back of the head as the vampire tried to peek through the taped edges of one package. "I'd best go back up there and tell them they can actually *open* the things now," Giles added, beginning to stand. Cordelia pulled him back down.

"You'll have a better view from here. Just pass it down the table. Hey, Harmony, tell Spike that he and Xander can open their presents now. Pass it on."

The blonde looked over from where she was sticking her tongue in Buffy's ear, nodded, and returned to what she was doing. Buffy gave her a funny look, then leaned over to Willow, repeating the gesture, without tongue. The motion went down the table, until finally Anya walked over and whispered in Spike' ear. He looked up, surprised, but happy, and shouted back towards Cordelia.

"I can open Xander now?"

Five or a dozen people shouted back, "Newt!!"

Spike blinked at them all, and they could hear him saying something about Monty Python's grail. Cordelia didn't want to know -- not after she'd found Spike in full armor, wandering the corridors of the hotel. They could see Spike pout, though, and Xander laughed once before reaching into the huge pile of presents. That seemed to cheer Spike up sufficiently to get him to let go of Xander's jacket lapel.

Xander made Spike sit down, then he sat down on Spike's lap. Spike peered over Xander's arm and watched as Xander began opening the present. "Who's it from?"

"Ooo, that's from me! Open it, open it," Anya encouraged. Xander gave her a somewhat fearful look, and pulled the wrapping off.

"It's..." he studied it carefully. "Ah... very nice, Anya. Very..."

Spike held up the object. "What the hell is it?"

Anya frowned. "Honestly, Spike. I would have thought you of all people would recognize it!"

"Well, it can't possibly be what it *looks* like!"

"If one of them doesn't figure out what it is soon, they're gonna have pissed-off Anya on their case for a month," Cordelia whispered.

"No, they'll be gone. *I'll* have pissed-off Anya on my case," Giles replied.

As the grooms looked back an forth at each other, Wesley finally sighed in frustration. "It's a Lexmark 2500 auto-optimized, self-cleaning, self-recharging, artificially-intelligent bread-baking device."

Spike looked at him dubiously. "It's a toaster?"

"I also do bagels," the thing in Xander's hand said. Xander looked startled, juggling the thing in his hands so he wouldn't drop it.

"It's scary, please put it away now," Xander said, handing it to Spike.

"Crumpets? Scones? Waffles?" it said forlornly. Spike growled at it and placed it in a large Tupperware-type thingy set aside for Presents Not To Be Taken On The Honeymoon. "I can provide you with nicely warmed donuts," it continued as Xander reached for another present.

Spike growled at it again, more forcefully. There was silence, then, and Spike nodded, satisfied, before turning to watch Xander again.

"Croissants?"

Xander ignored it, and unwrapped the next present. And blinked. "Bread mix?"

"All I need now is some water," the toaster said happily.

"There'd better be something with a gift-tag from Morrie's in this pile, or I'm gonna throw a tantrum. Just warning you lot," Spike said to the room at large.

"No, you're not, you're gonna be nice and behave. It's not like I can't buy you anything you want at Morrie's anyway," Xander said, reaching for another gift, and handing it to Spike this time.

"S'not the same. If other people buy it, I know they had to actually picture us using it."

"You're sick."

"You love me."

"Don't say it so loud. People might hear."

Spike leaned over and kissed Xander on the forehead, to assorted awwws from the assembled multitudes, then pulled the paper off the gift in one quick, obviously-satisfying rip. "All right! The whole set!" Spike held up a large boxed-set of videotapes with, indeed, a gift tag from Morrie's hanging from them. "It's even got the one with Angel in the cowboy hat!"

"What?!" The shocked exclamation was *not* from Angel, but from Buffy. Cordelia looked over, and saw that Angel was trying to pretend he hadn't heard, didn't know, and was only interested in the way Gunn was looking at him. Which would have been convincing if Gunn hadn't been smirking.

"Do these go in the 'taking with' stack?" Xander asked, cheerfully. Extra-loudly, in case Angel was succeeding in his 'pretending not to hear'.

"Hm, can't, love, no VCRs. No television."

Xander turned to Spike and pouted. Cordelia was impressed -- she could see Spike, and everyone else except herself, Giles, and Harmony, melting into a rush of 'must fix'. She still wasn't sure who had learned it from who. She never used to fall for Xander's version of The Pout in high school. Well, almost never. Mostly. But if he'd perfected his technique from watching Spike, he was about even with the master, these days. And only Wesley showed any signs of coming in at a distant third.

"No TV?"

"I promise, I'll keep you entertained."

Xander wasn't impressed, or was pretending not to be. "No TV?"

Spike grinned. "They have *big* bathtubs. Bigger than ours. Bigger than the Watcher's. "

Xander appeared to be thinking about it, but shot back a final, soft, "No TV?"

"Books. All kinds of books. I'll read you a bedtime story every night. I'll even bring the pop-up books..." Spike leered.

"All right, that's enough..." Wesley snatched the gift-set away and placed it on top of the toaster, which was still mumbling something about popovers and Yorkshire puddings.

*****