The vampires took a step back. Giles took off his glasses and put a hand over his face. It was so bright in the bathroom, and there was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.

Suddenly, Spike took hold of the younger vampire and shoved him out of the door. `Fuck off to the bar, here.' He pushed some money in his hand then slammed the door on him.

He turned back to Giles. He'd wanted to explore new emotions, but he hadn't wanted to explore this. Watching a human man cry made him feel things that physically hurt. Giles tried to gather his dignity and pushed past Spike and out into the dark corridor. He panicked for a moment, unable to get his bearings, then made for the exit, still unable to control the sobbing that tore him in half, and made him need to vomit once more.

The fresh air helped, and he leant for a moment on a dumpster, hiccupping slightly as he tried to calm the storm. He felt a hand on his shoulder but shook it off. He began to walk fast towards home but knew that Spike kept up effortlessly with him.

`They were just kids I met tonight, Giles.'

`He was dressed like you.'

Spike paused. `Okay, I met them a few nights ago. Same difference.'

`You slept with him.'

`Okay, yes, I did. I slept with them both. So what?'

Giles whirled on him. `I didn't really believe it! You did fuck him!'

`No, I didn't. I told you the truth the first time. See, you didn't really think I did. That's all that matters.'

`What? What the fuck are you playing here, Spike?'

`I wanted to see if you'd be jealous.'

`Well, you saw. I was. Am.'

`Good.'

`Why? Why is that good, for God's sake? Just where are we now?'

`I came back, didn't I? I told you I was gonna hurt you, and I did. Look at you! I made you cry.' Spike paused in wonder. `Jeez, I actually made you cry.'

Giles began to walk again, but Spike held his sleeve. He resisted until the vampire said quietly, `Please.'

Giles looked desperately around, spotted a small caf� and, without looking behind to see if Spike was following him, went in.

He ordered tea and sat waiting for it while Spike toyed with the menu as if deciding what to have.

At last, Giles looked up and said. `Did you sleep with him?'

`No.'

`Good.'

`That's good it's good. Good is good.'

`Sounding like Xander Harris suddenly, isn't. Please don't.'

Something had passed now; they both felt it. Something like normality returned to Giles' heart. He noticed the music in the caf�, and it did not drive him to despair. When his tea arrived, it did not make him feel sick; it tasted just like tea always did in this foreign country.

Spike leant back in his seat. `I didn't like hurting you.'

`You're a vampire, Spike; I don't believe that.'

`Not me, you pillock, the other me. He didn't like hurting you really. He was only doing it cus you hurt him.'

`Not all that grown-up after all then?'

`Maybe, maybe. Maybe he's just got a fundamental character flaw.'

`Well suited role then, Spike.'

Spike chuckled. `Didn't think you'd take it that hard, watcher. What did it feel like?'

`I'm not sure I want to talk about it.'

`Yes, you do.'

`It was frightening. I've faced some truly terrifying things in my life, but that was something I would rather not go through again.'

Spike nodded, clearly pleased, and began to unwrap and eat the sugar lumps on the table. Giles watched in revolted fascination for a while then shook himself and said softly, `So what now?'

Spike didn't look up but said complacently, `Oh, yeah. Now I'm dying.'

`What?' He swiftly moderated his voice but knew several people were glancing at them strangely. `What do you mean?'

`It's how it always ends. I've gotta die, an' you spend the rest of your life mourning me an' realising what you nearly had.'

`No. I don't want to do this.'

`But you should see my impression of a dead body, Giles. I've got it down pat.'

`Shut up. I'm not listening to this.'

`Oh come on.. I've been looking forward to me death scene, cus I never got it right the first time: too messy. And hey. you could have a little bit of fun with the dead body like, `fore you call the..'

`Oh God! Shut up!'

`What! You've been fucking me for a month now, an' I'm dead.'

Giles paused. `Is that how you see yourself, Spike?'

It was Spike's turn to pause; he'd wanted Giles to examine his own thoughts on the subject, not interrogate his. He replied carefully, `I think that's what you think sometimes when you look at me.'

Giles leant over the table and placed a hand on his cheek. `If I ever did, then I can't even remember thinking that now.'

Spike almost blushed. He looked down, flustered, and began to shred the tiny pieces of paper he'd taken off the sugar. Giles removed the hand from Spike's face but put it over his ever-restless hands for a moment. `Spike?'

`What, wanker?' Giles' bowels flooded with desire at the uncertain, hesitant tone in Spike's voice.

`Is any of this real? Has any of this been real? I mean..'

Spike looked up and caught his gaze. `What do you think?'

`I - I don't have enough experience of any of this to know what I think. But I think that knowing that for the first time is good, yes?'

Spike chuckled and leant back contentedly once more. `It's very good, yeah. Now, `bout me dying. I was goin' for the big C or something. what'd'ya reckon?'

Giles took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose wearily. `And we have to do this because?'

`Cus. I want a cool death scene for one. an' you've gotta realise that what you've been feeling up to now - jealousy? fear? hate? - they're all nothing to the power of regret. You've gotta regret me, mate; it's the only way. And if you add that you do already, I'll `it you, chip or no.'

How could emotions swing like this? Giles felt buoyant: the soft, intimate, teasing tone, making him want to lean over the table and kiss the grinning vampire. The foot that had begun to push up his skin made him.. `Ow.'

`What?'

`Your boot is scuffing up all the hairs on my leg. Desist.'

`God, you are hard work, Giles, sometimes. Anyone ever tell you that?'

`Actually, yes; you may have overheard her?'

They both laughed together suddenly, and Giles had the odd thought that this moment - this shared laughter - was better than all the orgasms they'd had together.

He thought back to what Spike had said and shook his head. `When did you get so smart about emotions, Spike? I was jealous; I was very afraid and, God, I hated you so much.'

Spike frowned slightly. `Smart?'

`You seem so different to other vampires. They are. well, soulless, I suppose.'

`And I'm not?'

`Are you going to get all huffy and storm out if I say that you aren't?'

`Rather be proving your point if I did, then, wouldn't I?'

`Spike?' Giles toed the vampire's leg gently with his foot. `Spike?'

`I - It's like coming back to life, Giles. It's scary. When I saw you. back there.. Shit, I've watched thousands of men cry, ya know? Made them cry - hard for 'em not to when they've a two-foot stake up their arses, I guess. An' it were all meaningless. I could `ave been watching them piss for all the impression it made on me.'

Giles fought inherent revulsion and took the recitation of this story in the sharing spirit the vampire clearly intended. `What do you feel when you think about it now?'

Spike looked up, his blue eyes so wide and clear that Giles found it hard to believe he had ever looked upon such cruelty with equanimity.

`Nothin'. I don't feel nothin'. It's not what I'm trying to say. The chip don't make me feel bad cus of the past but bad now. I felt..' He trailed off, and his eyes widened even more. `I just said "I felt". Fuck. But I did. I felt like shit when you cried, mate.'

`Angel does feel like that about his past. Imagine what that would be like.'

There were both silent for a while, remembering Angel in their own individual ways, until Spike suddenly said, `Fucking hope I never get a soul. Want to feel things now but don't want all that baggage. What I did in the past was the past, yeah? I was different then.'

Giles nodded but said with some confidence, `You'd cope. You always do, Spike; you're a survivor.'

Spike brightened. `Not gonna survive the big C though, am I?'

`Don't. It's not a joke.'

`Course it is. Nothin' in this world that ain't funny somehow, Giles. An' if you think different, you've been livin' in this po-faced, up-tight, PC, we've-gotta-be-guilty-for-slavery-for-the-rest-of-our-lives country too long.'

Giles raised an eyebrow at him. `I hope you don't express those sentiments in public too often.'

Spike grinned. `Nah. Private like, just between the two of us.'

`Paedophilia?'

`Err. what?'

`Paedophilia. Something that is not funny. Ever.'

`Huh, so, you ain't heard the joke about the six year old..'

`Shut up. Now. So. cancer?'

Spike chuckled and replaced his boot on Giles' shin, ignoring the pointed look. `Maybe something quicker? Short and shocking with lots of theatrical coughing.'

`And where does all this take place, may I ask? Dying in that crypt doesn't sound at all appealing.'

`Oh, that's the best bit. You find me an' take me to your place. I'm gonna die in your bed.'

`Ah. In that case..' He trailed off, glanced pointedly to his crotch, and added, `Make it a slow death, Spike.'

Spike spluttered and then laughed out loud. `See! You're there! Jeez, mate, this illness is gonna be fun. Come on.' He hauled Giles to his feet and dragged him out of the caf�.

They were a little drunk all the way back. Giles' depression had vanished too quickly, and now he felt mildly hysterical. He just found everything funny, and Spike responded to this mood, playing up to his audience. By the time they reached the bedroom, they were both too horny to even bother with clothes. Braced against the wall, they brought each other off to explosive orgasms until clothes were stained, cocks soft, and laughter silenced by the power of physical sensation.

Giles fell panting to the bed, but Spike began to pace, still too wound up to relax. He began to shed his clothes, and Giles watched the erotic show from the bed, wishing he had vampire stamina. Spike went downstairs, helped himself to some bottles of wine and brought them back to the room. As Giles opened them, he wandered over to the small CD player to examine the music choice. He chucked the classical ones to the floor and then paused, surprised. He held one up and waved it at Giles questioningly. Giles shrugged. Spike opened the box and carefully put the disc on, then, as the first strains of 'Alive and Kickin'' eased out, he tipped his head back and closed his eyes to the sublime moment. Giles watched him with avid fascination and desire. Although he could neither muster nor control most of the emotions that this vampire had released, he recognised this one: obsession. He had become obsessed with Spike but now he only revelled in that feeling.

Eventually, Spike tore himself away from Simple Minds and crawled onto the bed. 'I'd not 'ave thought it of you, watcher.'

Giles chuckled. 'You hardly know me, Spike. I had a real life before all this. Before I became. passive.'

'Yeah, guess.'

'And, anyway, this was the music of my twenties. I don't think you ever lose the love of the music you liked then, do you?'

Spike began to laugh and actually found it hard to stop. Whenever he tired, he caught Giles' expression and began again. Eventually, he made a supreme effort and only said, 'I did. Tra La La, Hey Nonny Nonny' rather pales when you've become a punk, yeah?'

Giles frowned. 'I will never remember how old you really are. Why can't you have some small bit of real age somewhere, giving it away?'

'A small portrait, maybe?'

Giles smiled, pleased. He'd never risked a real conversation since he'd come to America, and that Spike not only understood the allusion, he was clearly enjoying himself too, pleased Giles no end.

He lay back on the bed and sipped at the wine, bewildered by the rapid changes of emotion this room had seen recently. As Spike's hands began to undress him, he tried to imprint the moment on his mind: the wine, the conversation, the music, the anticipation of the sex, the throbbing from the recent orgasm - everything in this room at this moment. 'This is what you described, Spike.'

'I know.'

'It didn't work with her.'

'How could it?'

Giles looked at him. 'What do you mean?'

Spike paused, clearly debating his answer then shrugged and plunged in regardless. 'Well, you being gay an' all. Not likely to..'

'I am not gay.' The voice was chilling and very distinct.

Spike paused in his undressing of the human, possibly thinking this rather tactless given the conversation. 'Thought you might say that.'

'Because it's true.'

''S not a problem, pet, if you are. Don't bother me like. Fact, kinda handy really.'

'I repeat. I am not gay. I do not want to sleep with..' He trailed off, clearly thinking something through. 'I don't. I actually don't. So, that's a bit of a puzzle, isn't it? Because I most definitely want to sleep with you.' He glanced down at Spike's prominent erection. 'And you are most definitely passing yourself off as a man.'

Spike chuckled. 'It's one of me best impressions, luv. Along with dead body and rock star.'

Giles was still deep in thought. Spike tried to be helpful. 'Think about Harris! There ya go.. Now, it's like one of those tests in the bloody bints' magazines. When you think about Xander Harris, do you: a. heave, b. leak, or c. reach for..'

'Shut up, Spike. Did I tell you that no one finds you amusing?'

'You go to the bathroom and see a bloke peeing next to you, do you: a. turn away politely, b. cop a feel, or c..'

'One word more out of you on the subject and I'll. prove that I'm not.' He began to re-button his trousers.

'Oh.'

'Exactly.'

'Okay. Not a peep. You're not. I'm just joshing you as usual, human. So, how 'bout a fuck then? Love doin' it to this music. Come on..' He pushed his hand through an opening in Giles' shirt and caressed the smooth chest. Giles groaned and turned to him, covered him, swelling to the feel of the naked body beneath him: the music, candlelight, and wine, making him feel heady and bold. He opened Spike's legs and began to play with his entrance: pressing it and tickling over it. Spike peered at him through lowered lids and said with a serious voice, 'That's right, Giles, fuck me hard and prove you ain't gay.'

Giles reacted instinctively and slapped at his raised leg, hitting just where the large thigh muscle stretched up to one hard buttock. Spike gasped, and the twitch of his cock was not missed by either of them. Huskily, Spike murmured, 'Again.'

Giles did it again, the mark of his hand flaring red on the pale skin. The sound of the slap was sublime; it cracked like a whip, sliced through the smooth music and diffused light. Spike flipped over and stuck his backside in the air a little. 'Again, harder.'

Giles knelt up so he could get the full force of the swing into the smack. 'You made me cry.' Smack - it felt so good. 'You deserve this.' Again, a resounding crack of skin striking skin, accompanied by a groan from Spike. 'You bit me!' That thought got a particularly hard blow. 'Bloody hell! You spat on me!' He hit so hard, he felt a small muscle pull in his arm, a flare of pain stab in his elbow, and he sat back, chuckling at his own weakness.

Spike turned around, his eyes dilated, his shaft urgent. Giles hissed slightly, and Spike hesitatingly knelt up and looked pointedly down at his erection. Giles followed his gaze and felt his mouth water at the unexpected certainty that he would taste a man's cock for the first time.

Spike guided him down, placed his hands to the soft, grey-brown hair and pushed lightly, encouragingly. Giles pushed Spike backwards and then rose over him, groaning at the sight that awaited him. Before he plummeted his mouth to that glistening shaft, he looked unfocusedly at Spike. 'Just tell me where we are now. Is this part of the game? Is this real? I'm lost, Spike.'

Spike didn't reply for a moment but closed his eyes, his arm thrown over as if he needed even less light than the candles gave out. 'It'll be the game tomorrow, yeah?'

''So. what is..'

'This is them, too. See? They get one night before it all goes to shit again..'

'One night?'

'Yeah.' Spike smiled. 'We know we love each other, an' we're both sorry for being so 'orrible to each other.'

'So - and I am genuinely puzzled here, Spike - why do we need to go on with this? If we love each other, let's just stop here. Please?'

'Nah.' If Spike was thinking about living in his crypt as opposed to lying in Giles' bed, feigning illness and being waited on hand and foot, he didn't let on. 'We're not there yet, trust me on this. Now. you gonna lie there like a cock-tease, or you gonna..'

'Can I just say, if you ever use that, or similar expressions, ever again, I shall revert to the damp, squidgy variety of this activity.'

Spike pouted but continued the pressure on Giles' neck. Smiling, the human placed a tongue just to the very tip. Spike hissed and tensed. Giles looked up at him, amazed. That was genuine. Whatever had gone between them before, that was genuine. Spike almost blushed for the second time that night and shrugged slightly. 'I really, really like that an' Dru never would, ya know?'

'Why didn't you tell me before?'

'Err, and what?'

'Spike! If you'd said, I'd have. I'd have..' He trailed off uncertainly.

Spike grinned. 'Yeah, you've changed a bit, Giles. You may do it now for me but then? Nah. Don't think so.'

Giles continued to frown at him for a moment. 'There is nothing I want to do more.'

Spike twitched up his eyebrow. 'My lucky day then, ain't it?'

'Show me? Show me how?'

'Oh. Yeah.' Spike guided him back down. 'Lick across there again; I like that. oh! Fuck!' Spike rose slightly off the bed at the warm rasp across the sensitive tissue of his cockhead, and Giles chuckled. Spike slapped lightly at him. 'Don't laugh; just open wide and take it all in. Bloody hell! Yes! Flick your tongue over the top. Shit! Oh, Fuck! Ahhh.'

Giles didn't need any more instruction; he was in tune with Spike's groaning. He took his rhythm from the soft expletives. He took encouragement from the urgency of the fingers digging into his scalp.

After what seemed like an age, there was just him with this smooth cool column in his mouth. He felt Spike trying to pull him off. He resisted until Spike hissed softly, 'I'm gonna cum, human, you'd better..'

Giles hesitated but gave a particularly deep, hard pull on the shaft with his rigid lips instead. Spike gasped and emptied himself noisily into Giles' mouth. It was odd. Giles couldn't deny that. It tasted like his smelt: musky, sexy. and utterly illicit. It was cold; it kept coming; it made him want more.

The penis softened in his mouth, and even this delighted him, but Spike chuckled and lifted him off. They were inches away, Giles' mouth coated with Spike's sperm - it seemed the most natural thing in the world. Giles leant forward and caught the back of Spike's head. Spike held back for a second but then allowed his lips to be touched, but almost before Giles could register the feel or begin to enjoy the sensation, the vampire reared away and buried his face, wrapping his arms around his knees in a protective embrace.

Giles knelt back thoughtfully for a moment then eased his way behind Spike, spreading his legs either side of the huddled vampire. Spike's back was curled and stretched, each disc of his spine visible. Giles ran one finger lightly down from the hairline to the top of the buttocks, half expecting Spike to arch back at the sensation. He didn't. The vampire remained closed off. Giles put a hand to each shoulder and began a light massage, wondering at the strength in the muscles. He worked each hand down Spike's back in turn, in a soft, sensuous kneading and stretching. He felt some of the tenseness go and eventually propped his chin onto Spike's shoulder, wrapped his arm around the huddled form, and murmured softly, 'What's wrong? Tell me.'

Spike shook his head fractionally. Giles turned his face right into the ear and repeated, 'Tell me.' Before he felt the refusal once more, he added, 'Not you, not me, remember? Just them.'

He heard a slight mumble and, encouraged, just waited. Finally, Spike turned his head to one side and laid his cheek on his folded arms. ''S all right for you, human. You don't know shit 'bout emotions, but least you've got other humans to watch and copy. You've overtaken me now, and I'm lost.'

Giles began to run his hands through Spike's hair, letting the blond strands slip though his fingers. 'It was just a kiss.'

'Yeah. Maybe for you.'

'That's not what I meant. Compared to what we've done.. I mean, why now? Why does this affect you so much?'

Spike shivered slightly, and Giles instinctively embraced him a little tighter, and surprisingly, Spike responded to the tightening of the muscles around him, leaning into the warm arms. 'You can't know what it's like, Giles. The absence of feeling all those years.. 'K, I had demon feelings - admit that - but not like this. They didn't make me feel..'

'Scared?'

'Maybe. It's just another emotion I don't understand. I thought I had you where I wanted you, but you've overtaken me.'

'And is that so bad?'

'Well, no, 'cept you are particularly sad.'

Giles chuckled and felt the amusement was reciprocated, if not the actual laugh. 'Don't be too hard on yourself. You're the first vampire ever to be chipped and escape - as far as we know. You're the first vampire perhaps to go through this. humanising?'

'I need to do something evil.'

'Can't help you there.'

'Nah. I'll kill something later.'

'Oh, good.'

Spike rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes and lifted his head. Giles sighed and lay back and, somehow, Spike ended up lying in his embrace, quiet and still. After a few moments, Giles said softly, 'Do you really think I'm. better?'

'Maybe. Crying was impressive.'

'If slightly embarrassing.'

'There you go, see? You've gotta stop thinking like that. Bet you never cried as a kiddie.'

'No, I would never have been allowed.'

Spike was quiet for a while, then offered sadly, 'Me neither.'

Giles peered down at the blond head thoughtfully. 'Do you remember much of your time before you. you know..'

'You can say it, human. 'Fore I got murdered. And no. I don't. And if I do, then I ain't gonna talk 'bout it.'

'Why not? I should think it would all seem such a long time ago.'

'Shows what you know then. When you become. when you.. When I became, I kind of stood still in me mind, ya know? And we don't lose our memories like you do, I guess. So it's all as if it happened yesterday. All of it.'

'Oh. I'm sorry. It must be painful to think about.'

'I never do.'

'Uh huh.'

'You do though.'

'Err. what?'

'You think 'bout the past a lot - it informs you.'

Giles was silenced for a while but eventually said hesitantly, 'I don't think I..'

'You have it all 'ere..' Spike raised one lazy arm and tapped at the side of his head. 'Locked in the past.'

'That's not true. I.. This is my life now.'

'Sunnydale?'

'What's in it rather than the place, I think.'

Spike chuckled. 'And who would that be?'

'Are you fishing?' Giles bent his head down and nuzzled slightly into Spike's hair, being careful not to actually kiss him. 'It's rather obvious, isn't it?'

He felt Spike press closer, paused, and added gleefully, 'Buffy, Willow. Xander, of course, Anya..'

Unable to actually hurt him, Spike just pointedly turned over and feigned sleep. Giles chuckled again and just placed a hand to the small of Spike's back, falling into a deep, satisfying sleep - the first he'd had for many, many nights.

*****
Part 8:

Spike awoke to an empty bed and to the sun filling the room. He woke up grinning. He woke up happy. That he could even recognise this emotion let alone feel it, confused him, but not enough to stop grinning.

He remembered talking to the human. He remembered some shit he didn't want to remember when he suspected his Big Bad image may have slipped a bit, but for all that, he still felt like grinning. He turned lazily in the bed, not wondering where Giles was, he could hear him downstairs on the telephone. The human was also happy; Spike could hear it in his voice. Domestic sounds drifted up to the room: a washing machine thumping around its cycle, a kettle boiling. Still grinning, he moved over into the spot Giles had vacated, breathing in the unique human scents from the sheets and tipped back into a post sleep doze.

He woke once more to the odd sound of Giles singing: a guitar being played expertly beneath the soft, melodious voice. Spike was still grinning, felt he ought to stop but couldn't be bothered. He peered over the bed for his clothes and grinned even more when he remembered what had happened to them the night before under Giles' skilful hands: the wash cycle now explained.

Trying to fix his face into the something resembling a vampire, but failing miserably, he took his grin into the bathroom. A hot shower was too rare an event to be treated with anything less than reverence, and he actually stopped grinning long enough to bask in some other emotions for a while until happiness kicked them out once more.

With no other clothes, he wrapped one towel around his waist and went downstairs, rubbing his freshly washed hair with another.

Giles was in the living room quietly playing a guitar and jotting something down in a book every so often. Spike sat on the bottom step and watched him for a while. He knew Giles knew he was there, but it didn't seem to bother the human and, after a while, Spike felt so at home, he got up and began to make himself some tea. He made two cups and, for the second time in his unlife, felt tears pricking his eyes at emotions that he could barely name let alone express. The kiss still lingered in his mind. He knew he'd cocked that up big time but also knew that the human understood: this human did, this unique human who understood pain.

Spike took the tea over to Giles and placed it alongside him on the floor, then sat on the couch crossed-legged, watching him. Giles noted something down then put the book away very casually, as if he didn't want it commented upon. He looked up and said offhandedly, `All right?' Spike knew that the watcher was not referring to the imminent onset of his terminal illness and nodded, a slight flush of embarrassment threatening to mar his otherwise perfect preternatural skin. To cover his confusion about the kiss, Spike waved his mug at the guitar.

`Didn't know you could.'

Giles smiled fondly down at the instrument. `I haven't felt like it for years. I just did this morning for some reason.'

`All that cool music last night, see?'

Giles looked at him intently. `Rather more the company, I think. You�.'

`Annoy the hell out of you?'

`Well, yes, you do. But when I woke up�.' He looked away and distractedly strummed a few chord runs. `When I woke up I felt�.'

`Happy?' Giles looked at Spike's grin and chuckled shyly.

`Exactly. `

Spike sipped his tea and looked at him though lowered lids. `Go on then; entertain me.'

Giles didn't play to audiences. Ever. It was too personal. Spike seemed to sense his reluctance. `Come on, I'm dead remember? Be like playing in front of the wallpaper.'

`Uh huh. Wallpaper that will never stop reminding me how awful I am.'

`Maybe. Better play then, an' prove you're not.'

Giles rolled his eyes fractionally but began a complex yet fluid intro to a soft rock ballad. He was very good, and he knew it. He'd just never had an audience he so wanted to be good for. Spike sat still and silent, his naked body distracting Giles just enough to add an edge to his vocals, so when he sang about need so strong he would die for it, they both knew the choice of song was not coincidental.

When he finished, Giles laid the guitar down on the floor and picked up his tea. Spike watched him for a while then said, `Bit more practice like and you'll be quite good.'

Giles looked up, but at Spike's look of fond amusement he laughed and shook his head. Spike stretched out his hand and laid it on Giles' knee. `Course, that means you'll have to wake up happy a bit more often, won't ya?'

`Hmm, it does. Any suggestions on how I might accomplish that?'

`One or two.'

`Uh huh. And are they going to involve that slow unwrapping of a towel you're indulging in right now?'

`They might.'

`Ah. And I guess they might involve� that.'

`This?'

`Hmm, that.'

`'Spect so. If you want it, that is.'

`Let me just�. Oh yes. I can quite categorically state that I want that. Now. Upstairs.'

Spike knew his grin had come back, it had a rare mirror image in the human. Giles took hold of Spike's arm and practically ripped the naked vampire off the couch and up to the bedroom. He encouraged Spike to undress him, and then they were both naked in the harsh light of day. Spike cocked up his scared eyebrow and backed toward the bed. Giles came forward, his grin slightly less noticeable, less sure.

`What's up, pet, `sides us?'

Giles sat on the bed and hung his head a little. `I just thought about something I wanted to ask you but, to be honest, I have no idea what words to even use.'

Spike hesitated for a moment then put out a hand and turned Giles face to his. `Just say it.'

Giles blinked slowly. `I didn't enjoy what you did to me, and I wanted to ask you how you stand it� enjoy it even.'

Spike looked surprised and took his hand away for a moment, but then said, `Fuck it,' and captured Giles face in both hands. `It were cus I didn't do it right, that's all. I'm a git, Giles: that bein' yer first time an' all.'

`Now I feel like a virgin schoolgirl. Thank you.'

`'Nothin' to be `shamed of. Most blokes'll go their whole lives not knowing what they're missing. You just didn't get it proper first time.'

`First time?'

Spike pouted slightly and slowly straddled Giles' lap. `Yeah. Now I wanna do it proper.'

`Oh, good. Scared still, but it's still� oh good. And it is rather bright in here. Maybe we could wait�.'

`Now, Giles, you know I'm gonna be poorly later.' He pushed Giles onto his back and slid down until he knelt between his legs. `'Sides, I like to see what I'm doin' and where I'm goin'.'

`Oh, God.'

`What you got for lube? Something thick, cus I don't wanna fry me brain.'

`Oh, God.'

`Never no mind, you just lie there and think happy thoughts; I'll find something.' Giles lay and looked at the ceiling. His thoughts were interesting; he couldn't be sure he'd actually call them happy.

Spike rummaged gleefully and came up with a tub of an expensive moisturiser, holding it up disdainfully. `Poof.'

Giles looked at it and pursed his lips slightly. `That's hers.'

Spike laughed. `Good. It'll make it sweeter.' He smeared the thick cream over his fingers then grinned and knelt back on the bed. Giles feared something ghastly, clinical, and embarrassing. He was surprised when Spike picked up his foot and, cradling it in his naked lap, proceeded to stretch and probe into every joint, every muscle. Giles groaned at the totally unfamiliar sensation and sat up a little to watch. It didn't escape either of them that his cock swelled and twitched at Spike's touch.

Spike eased Giles over onto his belly and began to work up each calf, silent, intent on human musculature that he had previously known only when stretched out in pain. Giles tried to relax to the pleasure and almost had when he felt something cool rasp across his entrance. He reared up, shocked. `No!' Spike ignored him and continued to probe softly at the give with his tongue, not actually pushing in yet, just giving the impression that he could, if he wanted.

Giles tried to push his head away. `Don't. I've not�. I haven't�. Oh, God, don't, please, it's disgusting!'

The tongue slipped in, and Giles groaned with embarrassment. `I can't�.'

Spike eased out and began to nuzzle seductively into the surrounding flesh. `If I want to, pet, then where's the harm?'

`Oh, how can you? It's so�.'

The tongue plunging back in effectively silenced him, and Giles lay in exquisite embarrassment and confusion until he heard a soft murmur. It was unconscious; it was utterly genuine. Spike moaned his delight into the hole and, at the sound, Giles allowed his tension to dissipate and his embarrassment to ebb away on the rippling pleasure that began to flood into his balls. Spike's tongue caressed away his doubt and, when the tongue was replaced with a hard, insistent shaft, Giles was more than willing to concede that this was the definition of pleasure. It was his turn to moan then, and he did: willing the vampire to enter more, to take him more, to fill him more. Spike turned him over gently, still embedded, and lay over him, propped up on his strong arms. When Giles opened his eyes, he found the vampire staring at him, watching him avidly as he entered, inch after slow inch. Giles moaned at the intrusion, at the delight, at his confusion, and then Spike was in.

For a moment, Spike closed his eyes, just revelling in the sensation of being deep into this hot channel, but then he opened them and looked down. Inches apart, joined with this intimate desire, they stared at each other, no game and no pretence separating them. Spike couldn't help it; he ducked his head briefly and flashed a small grin at his delight. Giles chuckled, nodded at the surrender of everything he held dear and whispered, `Make me feel like I do you.'

Spike touched his forehead to the human's chest for a moment then rose up and began to move. Giles grunted at the increased stretch, spreading his legs wider to make access easier for the vampire. Spike breathed out a soft, `Oh, yeah,' and his swinging thrusts got faster and longer: more penetration, more depth, more exquisite pleasure. Giles groaned but, suddenly, this soft sound was transformed into a gasp of shocked delight. `Oh!' Spike grinned and aimed for that spot again, trying to keep the same position for him. Giles sat up slightly and grasped Spike's shoulders hard, digging in his fingers, raising red welts in the pale flesh. `Again! Oh, God, Spike! I had no�. Oh�. Oh�. Yesss.'

Spike felt himself beginning to cum: that delightful sensation of swell and release, the shooting, agonising, blissful release that he lived for, strived for, craved more than blood. When he looked down, he saw that he was not alone. The human was flushed, his eyes dilated, and his face a mask of pleasure pain as his orgasm plagued him, so close, yet still so far. Spike pushed one hand under Giles and took hold of the longish hair at the back of his head, holding it like reigns to steady him. Giles pulled away slightly, and the action tipped his head back.

Spike looked down and knew he was ready. He bent slowly, inch by inch once more, but this time to something far more frightening than the entry of one small, insignificant hole. He brushed his lips to Giles', and the human opened his eyes. Spike dipped low again and flicked his tongue to the warm lips. Giles opened his mouth and responded with his own tongue. Spike reared back but plunged back, all reticence gone. He didn't care if he didn't understand these emotions; he just wanted to feel them. He didn't care if he was lost; he'd find himself again somehow; he always did.

Giles - penetrated, split open, cresting on the wave of an orgasm - drowned in the morass of his emotions as he raised his arms and encircled the slim back. He pulled the cool body down to his; he ate Spike with the kiss: pouring all his need, all his loneliness, all his latent desires into that melding of tongues and lips and sweet saliva.

His hands slid up to the back of Spike's neck, into his hair, all through the silky strands. With a gasp of shock deep into Spike's mouth, Giles felt himself erupt between them, his cum tickling Spike's belly as it hit and dripped off onto his warmer, softer one, but before he could really absorb that sensation, he was washed with a cold jetting deep in his body. Spike reared back with a sharp cry; he hung suspended over the human, jerking slightly, working out the intense orgasm until, gradually, inch by inch once more, he lowered back to the damp, sticky belly.

Neither moved for a long time. Giles was asleep and breathed deeply for many minutes in a post-orgasmic crash that made Spike smile and only want him more. He lay still embedded, just thrusting slightly, enjoying the sensation of being semi-hard in the cool flush of his own sperm. Eventually, Spike woke Giles with these soft movements, and Giles came to groggily to find another small release being embedded deep into his rectum as, with a sigh of pleasure, Spike came for a second time, shivering his relief before collapsing finally onto the warmer body.

Giles ran his hands up and down Spike's spine, caressing him gently. He felt the flaccid penis slip out, and the sensation made him groan slightly. He felt open, stretched wide, but thought that was probably not so. Spike seemed to read his mind, for he slipped off the cum-drenched belly until he was lying between Giles' legs. He lifted them slightly to watch the hole closing over, and Gilles didn't even feel uncomfortable, let alone the acute embarrassment he'd felt when the vampire's tongue had first invaded him. He felt a curious finger running around the stretched muscle, a tongue easing in to capture fluid, and he didn't care. He only dug his fingers harder into the soft blond hair and wished, once more, for vampire stamina. He wanted it again. He wanted Spike inside him again. He sat up and pulled Spike to him for another kiss, delving into the pliant, willing mouth, sure that Spike would feel his need through the lips that could only touch physically, through the tongue that could only entwine and flick, through the saliva that was so sweet and so cool and so unbelievably Spike's.

Spike wrapped his legs around Giles' waist, sitting on his lap, his nails raking gently down his warm back. Giles buried his face into Spike's shoulder and murmured, `I wonder what time it is.'

Spike wriggled slightly, melting further down into the warm human lap, `Dunno. Why?'

`I don't know, but it feels strange being in bed during the day.'

Spike lifted Giles' face from his shoulder and gave him an incredulous look. `Huh. So, not that you've just had a vampire's cock eight inches up yer arse then. `S lying in bed that's odd, is it?'

Giles chuckled and said softly, `Eight? Hmm.'

Spike gave a small pout. `It's my bleeding game. I've read all the books. I'll be eight if I want to.'

`It'll sell better.'

Spike grinned. `Yeah.'

`So, we're back to the game, are we?'

Spike moved his hands slightly so his fingers ran up Giles' sides and under his arms, drawing them slowly across the sensitive skin of his inner arms. The human groaned, and Spike chuckled. `Like that, do you?'

`Yes, and don't prevaricate, vampire � just what are we doing here?'

Spike sighed theatrically and rolled off Giles, falling to the empty side of the bed. He began to search for his cigarettes. He rummaged through the sheets, peered over the edge onto the floor, and cursed when Giles said, `Oh, sorry, they're downstairs; they were in your jeans.' He laughed at Spike's panicked expression.

`Bugger!'

`So� talk?'

Spike didn't reply but, instead, wrapped himself in the sheet and said weakly, `Don't feel like talkin'. Maybe some blood?'

Giles slapped him hard on the backside but climbed out of the bed. `I'll shower � then I'll tend to the invalid.'

A small, weak voice followed him out. `K, pet. Don't wanna be any trouble like.'

The bathroom witnessed a lot of grinning that morning. Giles felt insanely happy � a state that worried him excessively. Happiness � out of control grinning - was for other people. A modest contentment was all he ever aimed for, yet here he was, unable to control his face muscles, feeling like singing again, desperate to fetch Spike his blood and tend to him. When he went back to the bedroom to dress, Spike was no more than a lump in midnight blue, so he only gave a small pat to the sheet and went down to heat up the blood as requested. He made himself some tea and was about to carry them both up when Buffy appeared.

`Hi ya.'

Happiness spilt over to envelop all his life, and he greeted her with a pleasure he always felt, but did not usually know how to show. She blushed. `You're in a good mood.'

`Yes, I am. See? It was just a bug. All better now.'

`She didn't comment on this but said carefully, `What's with the blood?'

Giles froze, the two mugs in his hand, and then said conversationally, `Spike's back, and I genuinely believe he has valuable information for us.'

`Huh. Good. Give it to me; I'll take it to him.'

Giles briefly pictured the scene: Buffy unable to find Spike in the bathroom, seeing him lying naked in his bed, the sheets rumpled, possibly still damp�.

`No need. I've got this covered. I think you should gather the troops for a meeting.'

`Buffy seemed distracted by something and did not press. She looked at Giles oddly and said, `'K. I need to�.'

She was interrupted by a small, brave moan from upstairs.

Buffy opened her mouth, seemed to debate something internally, then spun on her heel and left.

Giles chuckled and carried the blood up. He had to hold it for the vampire who was a little too weak to lift his head, but he didn't object because then Spike needed him to stay, needed talking with, fussing over. He brought in the TV and, propped up with enough pillows, his favourite programme on, remote control to hand, Spike felt well enough to be left alone for a few hours.

With promises to come home with chocolate, Giles reluctantly left his charge and went to Buffy's.

He walked through the pleasant autumn sunshine still so insanely happy that he looked at other people and wanted to make them happy, too. Warm amber light bathed the storefronts, his body ached deliciously from his workout earlier but, best of all, his anus throbbed softly � a sensation he could never have imagined was so pleasant. They gathered, caught up on gossip, and Giles was about to focus their minds on work, when Buffy jumped up to answer a soft knock at the door. She brought in a tall, muscular young man.

She dragged him over to Giles. `This is Riley; he's from the Initiative.' The young man looked slightly annoyed and tried to deny this, but Buffy put her hands on her hips and glared at him. `This is Giles, Riley. He needs to know.'

Riley looked sheepish, `Sorry, Sir, but I'm not at liberty to discuss my mission.'

Giles glanced amused at the faces Willow and Xander were making behind Riley's back and coughed slightly. `No need to call me Sir. (I wonder if I could get Spike to call me Sir later?) We aren't formal here. So, tell me. The Initiative?' Riley refused to be drawn and sat silently listening with surprise to the banter and ill discipline of the meeting. When Buffy mentioned a vampire she'd staked the previous night, he perked up. `What did he look like?'

Buffy shrugged. `Ya know: ugly?'

`We're looking for a hostile that escaped. We believe he's stayed in town. We want him back.'

Buffy shrugged again. `Vamp's a vamp.'

`Not this one; he's got top secret government technology in his head: a behaviour modification chip, and we want� what?'

He looked bemused between their glances. With a sense of rising panic, Giles was about to bluff, when Buffy said casually, `Blond? Leather coat? Annoying?'

He couldn't stop her or catch her eye. He jumped up. `He's dust. Buffy got him the other night.'

Buffy caught Giles' eye and gave him a penetrating look.

Riley looked annoyed but also slightly disbelievingly at them all. `I need to report in.'

Buffy watched him go. Amazed, alarmed, Giles recognised the look on her face. It was the expression he felt he'd been wearing too often recently when he thought about Spike. He glanced at Willow with a raised eyebrow for confirmation, and she nodded her ascent to his silent question.

Thoughtfully, he excused himself from the meeting and went home.

When he arrived, loud music from the bedroom greeted him. When he'd assimilated this, he noticed the destruction of his ordered neatness downstairs. The kitchen was a complete mess; the living room looked as if� as if a vampire had had a small party there all day. Giles frowned and shut the door forcibly behind him. The music instantly stopped. There was small, furtive scurrying from upstairs, and by the time Giles got to the bedroom, Spike was lying in the bed looking far from well.

Unable to do anything else but want him, Giles climbed onto the end of the bed. Spike rallied enough to say bravely, `You're back,' in a small voice.

Giles looked down at the naked back and suddenly got the point of Spike's game. Regret? He could feel that already. Spike thought they'd have to play out this feigned death for him to regret his slim, pale body. Giles already felt Spike's loss like death, acute fear from the meeting and from Riley's words, chilling his body, and making him feel like dying.

He placed his hands on Spike's waist. The vampire murmured something as if just recently woken from sleep. Giles ignored the play-acting and suddenly flipped him over. Lifting one of Spike's legs, he held the beautiful face tightly with his other hand. Surprise and pleasure warred on Spike's features. He lifted his own leg voluntarily and, with his hand now freed, Giles unzipped his jeans and freed his erection. Silent, desperate, confused, scared, he pushed into Spike and took him with ferocity borne of an unshakeable premonition of loss.

Spike lay equally silent under the human, watching the shadows on his face, studying the troubled expression in his eyes. Giles took a while to cum and, towards the end, a soft keening accompanied his ejaculation, as if this release was as much from pain as from pleasure. When he'd finished, Giles hung his head for a moment. He knew Spike was still there � he was still buried deep inside the vampire's rectum. He knew Spike was not taken from him � every inch of his body lay in contact with Spike's body. But in his heart, even in some of the rational parts of his brain, Giles felt as if Spike were gone. In this knowledge, in this overwhelming sense of losing Spike, Giles knew for the first time just how far he had come on his emotional journey. He felt flayed. Every emotion in his heart was like a nerve that now lay exposed to the elements. In his previous numbness, he'd have been able to cope with any loss. Now he was not so sure.

Spike moved beneath him, put a questioning hand to his face, brushing lightly at the hair over his forehead, but it was too much � it was the final straw that broke his small reserve of restraint. He began to sob, pulled off Spike and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

*****