"Raspberry Jello" by Devon Lautrec
By Nicollette Marquis McFadgen
Joss the crack addict owns them.
This is part of my Good Life Series, it takes place a little while after "Maybe" Big honkin' thank you to Lokipoopybutt for helping with the poem, 'cause I suck muchly at it, even when trying to make up some silly poem.

*****

Xander was laying next to me, his naked body glistening with a light layer of sweat. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't sleeping. There was the tiniest of smile playing on his lips. We'd been sleeping together for nearly a month and already I was getting attached.

It scared me because I didn't ever get attached. It was just not me. With all the groupies, girls and guys that I fucked, I never let them stay the night and I never, ever stayed the night if we had fucked in their bed. But Xander wasn't a groupie and I liked his body in my bed. I liked how he smiled when he was just about to fall asleep and I adored the smile he wore in the mornings.

"Baby," I said, nudging him gently.

"Hmmm," was his response.

"Do you mind me calling you 'baby'?"

One eye popped open and he languidly rolled onto his back. Slowly, his other eye opened. "Not if you go get me some of that Raspberry Jello that's in the fridge."

"Are you only here for my food?" I asked teasingly.

"Yep," he answered with a nod.

Sighing, I got up, realizing for the first time that it was cold in my room. I was only out of bed for a few moments as I jumped over clothes lining my floor. My little refrigerator was near the door and I opened the door quickly, glancing out. I noticed that the hallway was empty. The guys were still out. The only thing that sucked about living in a house with two of my bandmates was having to hide the fact that I dug guys just as much as chicks. Closing the door again, I pulled the out bowl of red Jello. I quickly jumped back into bed, noticing how eager Xander looked. He was sitting up, leaning back on his hands.

"No spoons?"

"No spoons," I said as I sat cross-legged next to him. Dipping two fingers into the Jello, I scooped some up and brought it to his mouth. His smiling lips wrapped around my fingers, his tongue licking them. "Lay back," I ordered him as I withdrew my fingers. He did as I asked and I dropped some Jello onto his chest. The last thing I saw before a whole lot of Xander chest was his smile.

After slurping up the Jello, I moved my mouth to his nipple and gently sucked. His hands wrapped in my hair and he held me down. Managing to dip my fingers into the bowl that was now resting on his flat belly, I brought some to his mouth, losing some red gelatin along the way. My fingers were in his mouth and he was sucking ever so seductively on them. I wasn't sure if any Jello actually made it to his mouth, but he seemed to be just enjoying my fingers.

"Dev?" he said, his tongue pushing my digits out and his fingers uncurling in my hair.

"Yeah," I responded, lifting my head just enough to look at his face.

"Um, what exactly are we doing here?"

I smiled. "Eating Jello with our hands?"

"No," he said, frowning slightly. "I mean, what's going on with us?"

I arched an eyebrow. "We're engaging in what is known as foreplay, baby."

He sighed deeply and it made my brow crease. "I think I'm falling in love with you," he said, ultra fast.

I sat up, taking a hold of the bowl. "I think you just like my raspberry Jello." His eyes closed as he sighed again. "I don't really know what's going on, Xander. I like you. . .a lot," I said as I let my hand trace up his stomach.

"But everything we do is secret."

"You don't want it to be?" I asked, surprised. "I was under the impression that this is the first homosex. . ."

"It is and I don't really want to be open about it. . .yet. Which is the problem."

"What is?" I asked as I dipped my fingers, then delivered the sweet food to his mouth.

Licking his lips, Xander sat up and replied, "The 'yet' part." I just looked at him. "Like I said, I'm falling in love with you and one day, I'm going to want to tell people about it and us."

Smiling, I said, "Okay."

"Okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, when you're ready, I'm ready."

"But won't the whole gay thing hurt your rock star image?"

Looking at him with a raised eyebrow, I said, "Xander, I'm in a band that plays in some all ages clubs in a small town in California."

"Exactly," he said, looking at me with that 'duh' expression.

I shrugged. "Maybe it'll hurt it, maybe it won't. Who knows and right now, who cares? I mean, I don't see you being ready for a while. You're still too heterosexual."

His brow creased and his lips pursed together for a moment. "Huh?"

"You still want to be straight," I explained.

Obviously he took offense to that because his whole body tensed up and his aura went from calm, relaxed and chilled to confused and angry. But that is if you believe in all that aura crap. "Then why am I naked in your bed?"

"Because it feels good to be naked in my bed." He continued to just look at me, so I continued, "You like how you feel with me but there's still that part of you, which is a big part, by the way, that's telling you that it's wrong; that you shouldn't like feeling good with me because I'm a guy and you're supposed to like girls. You still WANT to like girls."

"How do you know?"

Okay, he was getting angry, so it was time to back off before he left my bed and never came back. There was no sense in pushing him now. "I don't," I said with a sigh. "Forget I said anything."

He looked me straight in the eye and said, "It does feel good with you, Devon, but I'm not ready to tell people because I'm not ready to deal with THEM. I admit that I'm attracted to you, a guy, and that I've been attracted to other guys in the past. I don't have a problem with that, but I don't think I want to announce to the world that. . ."

"What other guys?" I asked, cutting him off.

Smiling, but trying not to because he was still a little pissed off, Xander raised an eyebrow. "Jealous?"

My brow creased. I don't ever get jealous, but I was right then. "No," I lied. "I still got to you first."

"Well there's a nice way of putting it."

Sighing, I take his hand in mine and say, "Sorry. I'm a moron most of the time."

"No you're not. You only pretend to be because that's what people expect of you."

I couldn't help but sigh again. I didn't want to get into that type of deconstruction of my personality. That was the shit Oz always tried to pull. "I'm thinking about writing a song," I said. It was the only thing that popped into my mind. "About Raspberry Jello."

He smiled. "Yeah?"

I nodded as I thought of stupid rhymes. "Yeah, something like, 'Raspberry Jello makes me mellow, causing me to giggle when it jiggles." He gave a little laugh and I continued, "Sometimes I slurp and then I burp. And it doesn't settle like lead, when you're in my bed. Raspberry Jello is red and you give excellent head." I chuckled as he rolled his eyes. "I love Raspberry Jello, I can hear you bellow. But for me the Jello will never do, because it's not as sweet as you."

Moving into my arms and placing a small kiss on my collarbone, Xander said, "Devon?"

"Yeah?"

"That song sucks."

I started chuckling, then laid back and brought him back with me, his head laying on my chest. "Hey, I said it'd go something like that. I'll keep working on it, okay?"

"Sounds good," he said tiredly.

"You going to fall asleep, baby?"

"Not if you don't shut up." Chuckling again, I quieted and placed a kiss on his forehead just as his eyes closed. The guys would be home soon, but there was no need to shove Xander out the door just yet. I'd let him sleep.

~end~