*****

Xander's POV

I can't hate him anymore. It used to be so easy. He was the bad guy and we were the good guys. But I can't anymore. I understand now. The need to destroy, hurt, punish, *hit*. I know what it's like to have this *thing* burning inside you aching to get out. It wasn�t always this way. I always knew where the lines were. The borders were clearly marked for me.

But that all changed and now I *know*.

It had been an ordinary day. I was late to work again and I rushed thru the streets to get to the fast food place I was currently working at. Job #407 or something like that. I didn't mean to be late, but between Anya, Scooby meetings, patrol and a rather unpleasant confrontation with my mother I had been exhausted the night before and had overslept.

Anyway, I made it to work and there was my boss waiting for me with a seriously pissed off expression on his face.

"Alex Harris! I want to see you in my office. NOW!" He yelled, causing the entire staff to look at me. I could feel my face flood with embarrassment as sympathetic and disgusted looks were thrown my way. I hunched my shoulders and walked meekly into the office knowing I was about to get a lecture and the boot.

I remember he was halfway thru telling me how useless I was when I snapped. It suddenly became too much for me. Who was this guy telling me I was worthless? I had saved the world countless times, stood by the Slayer and saved her life, battled monsters and demons that would have this man pissing in his pants and he was telling me I was worthless?? Unbelievable.

He must have seen something change on my face because he suddenly stopped. "Harris?"

I started screaming. I don't know what I said; I was kind of in a moment there. It must have been bad though because his face went white and he started to slowly get up from his chair. I remember standing up and throwing my seat across the room and approaching his desk. He must have thought I was gonna hit him or something because he flinched. I grabbed the edge of the desk and *lifted* it before I turned it over. Papers scattered everywhere and I could here banging on the door. I didn't care. I just screamed louder.

And that's when it hit me. This urge, this bone deep *need* to destroy, to hit this man until his blood flowed. It scared the shit out of me and I stopped. It was quiet for a minute as I tried to regain control of myself. I turned on my heel and shoved the desk aside which had been blocking the door and left.

And now I can't hate him anymore, because I understand. It had felt good.

The End