*****

~~He'll need some time to get over this
But a moment is all he can spare
His buddy's out there in the city lights
And he is trying to care~~

I stand in the shadows and watch as Angel stares down from the roof. His hands are in his pockets and he is hunched over. He doesn't know I'm here and he's acting so bleeding poof-like.

He never could understand. It's *not* always about him. Never was. Some things are about no one. Some are about everyone.

But not always about him.

~~See him offering himself to the world
Staring down from the Fifty-Sixth floor~~

Sodding wanker. His eyes are glistening with fresh tears. He's got this look on his face. Like he's saying

"I'm sorry. It was all my fault....it *is* all my fault.".

You've got the whole world on your bloody shoulders don't you, Peaches? You just keep looking down on all the humans, saving their mortal asses time and time again.

When it's really your ass that needs saving.

~~I'd be happy just to catch him again
We go out we don't always come back~~

As I watch him I can't help but remember a time when I couldn't watch him. Not because I didn't want to, oh god how I wanted to, but because I couldn't.

That bloody gypsy curse.

I remember being frantic with worry those first weeks. We waited for him. One week. Two weeks. A month. A year. He never came back.

Drusilla tried to off herself.

I busied myself, taking care of Dru, making sure she didn't hurt herself during her 'episodes'. I didn't have time to feel anything. I became numb.

It was horrible; neither of us coped well. It took a long time to recover.

Even now, as I stare at his back from my spot in the shadows, I feel the old wounds opening.

~~The night pressing in on his weary mind
There's a half-eaten moon in the sky~~

A cloud moves in the sky and reveals the moon to us. Her bittersweet rays shine down upon him, and come precariously close to revealing my hidden position. He looks up at the glowing orb and tears begin to spill down his face.

Tiny rivulets of ice cold liquid trail his face like veins. Something inside of me begins to tear and I feel what little restraint I have begin to leave me. Silently his lips move as he communes with the moon, almost as if he's trying to get some sort of closure.

I recognise one of the words he mouths.

Drusilla

~~Nothing is calling him back to bed
And no one is saying goodbye~~

It finally dawns on me what has happened. A dam bursts inside of me and tears begin to silently course down my face. I keep my mouth tightly shut so he doesn't hear me.

He never said goodbye. She never said goodbye. They say you always hurt the ones you love...

...I want to know why the ones I love always hurt me.

~~See him offering himself to the world
Staring down from the Fifty-Sixth floor
He's not happy it's the weekend again
We go out because we go back~~

I glance up suddenly as a sob is torn from my throat. He knows I'm here now.

Knows that I've been watching him. Knows that I can't take the pain anymore. His forehead furrows in confusion and mild anger.

My knees buckle and all of a sudden I'm on the ground. His big arms are wrapped around me; I sob into his shoulder.

I have shown him the ultimate weakness. Emotion. But I can't care, the small tear within me has turned into a gaping hole....and now the pain is too great.

He lifts me up in his big strong arms and carries me off the roof.

~~Back and back....~~

All the times of the past are gone now. It'll never be the same again. It feels as though my heart is ripping in two, but his arms are here to comfort me. I don't know if I can do this again.

But I'll try.

He left me once, what's to say he won't do it again? But....I can't be alone anymore. Too much has happened, too much has been ripped away from me.

I look over his shoulder as he carries me and I whisper.

"Rest in Peace, Dru. You'll always have my heart."

~End~