22 Steps to killing time at work
1. Arrive at work.
2. Walk to your desk, being careful to take the longest route possible.
3. Turn on your computer.
4. Sit down.
5. Adjust your seat to make sure it is supporting your back.
6. Perform a few work injury prevention exercises.
7. Go to the coffee room to make your first cup of coffee for the day. While there, have a 20 minute conversation with a workmate about some TV programme that was on the previous night.
8. Return to your desk. Search for your favourite pen.
9. Ask if anyone has seen your favourite pen.
10. Search the office high and low for your favourite pen; this may take some time. If anyone asks, point out that it has sentimental value and you can't focus on work until you know where it is.
11. Try to send a group email around the office about the missing pen and spend the next half-hour working out how to send a group email.
12. Call the IT department and talk at length about how to send a group email.
13. Follow up call with a visit to the IT department.
14. Once back at your desk, adjust the position of the family photos on your desk sp that they catch the light as it is at that exact moment. If anyone asks, explain that this is important for "motivation".
15. Go to the toilet.
16. Read the paper. Begin in the business section (it is important to know what is going on in the industry). Then read every other section followed by any graffiti on the inside of the toilet door. Using a vivid marker, respond to any graffiti as you see fit.
17. Return to your desk, being careful to take the longest route possible.
18. Reboot your computer.
19. Tidy your desk. It should now be time for lunch.
20. Go to lunch.
21. After lunch be careful not to start work immediately.
22. Go back to step 2 and repeat as necessary.
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