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I
had no desire in seeing this after hearing the premise and that it
was a remake. Throw in Nickelodeon Films and we're in deep shiite.
Let me tell you I was pleasantly surpised. Now let me tell you the
truth... This film, starring Dennis Quaid, the latest Disney movie dad hero figure, and Rene Russo, who was taking time off of... wait, what has Rene Russo done lately? Also it stars a host of kids, a lot of them, too many, and none are Rory Culkin or any of the other young up-and-comers. Oh yeah, and a pig... for some reason, there's a pig. He gets the best lines... Anyway, So we get the premise of a widower dad with a host of kids marries a widowed woman with a host of kids, and the shenanigans the that follows "I swear to god, I'll pistol whip the next guy that says shenanigans!" (sorry, Super Trooper moment there). This could have worked maybe, on a Brady Bunch level, but the set up for the marriage is this: Man and woman run into each other, turns out they knew each other in high school, in fact they were quite the catch for one another. Both think that they screwed up, and low and behold they run into each other again and since they've now come into contact three times in their lives, and both are left with a google of kids, that must mean they're meant to be. THEY GET MARRIED ON THE SPOT. Yes, boom. There's no back story of why they hit it off as teens, there's no getting to know one another again period, there's no point... other than move the plot along... so we will. Well, I think we need a bigger boat... They move into a big house as one big family. But goodness gracious the kids are upset with the whole ordeal, there's new brothers and sisters to loathe. The film actually picks up here with the hijinks of the kids hating one another, but any actual decency is thrown to the wind when the kids decide that the evil bigger than each other is the parents. Hijinks against one another turn to "cleaver" plots to break up the honeymoon. Blah blah blah, they succeed, but in the process learn a valuable lesson about friendship and family, and now must try again to reunite the parents before the dad ships off on his dream job leaving the Brady's behind with Alice, or something. Without ruining the ending, It's a Nickelodeon film, and a family movie, so ok, I may have ruined the ending there, but it's not like we were ever in suspense. And that's what I truly did not like about this film: I never once cared about wether or not they stuck together or broke up or all blew up or drown or whatever. There really was nothing to make me care about any of the 487 characters, or the "relationship". I didn't care at all, and thusly, I didn't care that if I wasn't in a cheap theater I would have fallen asleep instead of drifting close to unconciousness before the crink in my back woke me back up. On the bright side, it's only an hour and a half, and the kids in the theater (it was loaded with them) were pretty quiet (maybe the succeeded at falling asleep?). 3.0/10 |
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