Berlin / Tempelhof Central Airport , 1973 - 1976
6912th Security Squadron, USAFSS
An Ex-Airman Remembers
Part 4 - January, 1975
CQ Duty on New Year's Day
It was a few minutes past midnight on January 1st, 1975. It was the traditional New Year’s Eve service at Nolli, and I was getting a little worried about the late hour. I still had to travel all the way back to base with all the celebration madness going on outside, and all the following day I was scheduled to do CQ. But everything turned out okay. We left around 1:00, and I caught the 19 bus at 1:10, getting safely back to base at 1:30. It had been a wonderful night, and my only regret was that I had taken my camera and only taken two pictures.
"Mouse" was on swings, and he didn’t come in all night. I got up Monday morning, January 1st, at around 7:00, got ready, and went to the orderly room to relieve the fellow on CQ. I was very anxious about the day, what might happen, and how I might possibly get put on the spot. The hours passed by slowly and quietly, and I passed the time with reading. In the afternoon I took my TV set over and watched some TV. The afternoon went by quickly. It was a peaceful day. The only thing that happened was that Derry F. signed in from leave. At 7:30 p.m. a guy came to relieve me, and I was free. I had done all that worrying for nothing.
That night I was fast asleep when there came a knock on the door. "Long distance phone call!" I went out into the hallway to get the phone, and there was Brunni on the line! She was back from Bonn. Sabine had been wrong. We talked for a while, for what seemed to be only fifteen minutes, but it was 2:00 by the time we finished! She had of course missed me and was happy to hear my voice again. I invited her over to Jim L.’s temporary home, and she said she could go on Friday. We also agreed to meet at her place on Thursday.
Seeing Brunni Again
Thursday afternoon I went over to Brunni’s place as planned. We fixed supper together in the common kitchen, and a Turkish man was there cooking as well. While eating in her room I tried continuing where we had left off on December 20th, but it never got off the ground. I didn’t have much to say, and didn’t know what to do. It was a little unpleasant.
Brunni had me draw one of my doodles for her. They didn’t turn out very well in my opinion, but she loved them. She always greatly admired my doodles, saying that they revealed so much about the character of a person. She wished that she could draw like that. I was flattered, but in turn admired the way she could paint.
I stayed there with her until late, finally leaving at around 1:00 a.m. She walked me to the bus stop, where we waited for a bus for the longest time. None came. No 19 bus came, and she decided to put me into a taxi. Taking me gently by the arm, she led me over to some waiting taxis there at Olivaerplatz, gave me 20 Marks, and sent me off. The taxi fare came out to be DM 9.80.
At Wienerwald
Thursday afternoon I was very busy, and spent all afternoon working. It got to be a real drag. Jim L. then told me some bad news. The family that owned the Dahlem villa was coming back early, and so I had to cancel the appointment for that evening. Back at the base I called Brunni and told her. She, I’m sure, was a bit relieved, since she didn’t like going to meet "strangers". But she invited me over to her place for the evening instead.
Saturday the 4th was my first day of break. "Mouse" was around, and apparently had the day off. Brunni called me at about 12:25. We had a nice, long talk which seemed like only fifteen minutes, but ended up being over an hour. She said she would be with her brother and mother Saturday night, and wouldn't be at Nolli. At 1:35 we finally hung up, and I went back into the room. "Mouse" and friend were there playing music and talking, and I couldn’t concentrate.
I went to Nolli that night. There weren’t very many there, since Volkhard was gone that day with a group of people. Then to my surprise I saw Brunni sitting alone, all smiles, and dressed in the red skirt, black sweater, and kerchief around her neck. I immediately went over to talk with her. She said everything was okay with her family, and she had time to come to Nolli after all.
Brunni was hungry; she hadn’t eaten all day, so we went out to eat together. She took me to a Wienerwald restaurant, a family-type restaurant where they specialize in chicken. There we sat, ate, and talked all evening, and had a good time. She told me more about her family and personal history. Her father married during the War, and was then drafted and sent to Africa with Rommel’s troops. He was captured and imprisoned in Africa for six or seven years. In the meantime Brunni’s sister was born. Brunni was born after her parents were reunited in East Germany.
She paid for our meal again, this time 25 Marks! We walked together in the drizzling rain to Wittenbergplatz, where she saw me off at the U-Bahn station.
Brunni at Work
Monday the 6th I got up late. The weather was fairly decent that day, cloudy but no rain. At 3:30 I went to see Brunhilde at the day care center on the Niebuhrstra�e where she worked. She saw me from the first floor window when I arrived and directed me to the right door. She was the only one working there that day. It was interesting for me to see her at work. She was wearing a sack-like dress, a kind of uniform, and was running around taking care of a large group of small children, all under one and a half years old. There were a lot of foreign children, especially Turkish and Yugoslavian. She had to wait for all the children to be picked up by their respective parents before she could close shop and leave. The last one wasn't picked up until 5:00.
After closing up shop, she went to do a little shopping, and I tagged along. Then we went to her room where we sat around, eating and drinking tea, and passing the time. I left around 12:30, and had to take the taxi again. The fare was 9.60 Marks. All that running around and taking taxis was starting to make itself felt in my wallet, and I felt that I needed to start cutting down on it.
The first swing Tuesday evening was moderately busy. Hector heckling me all night, and I just kept my cool. He finally confessed, "It's no fun talking with you because you don't get all excited like Peggy does…" I talked with Gary some about Brunni. "You'll be married before September 1976," he kept saying.
Food Poisoning
Right before going to work Wednesday afternoon Michelle caught me and told me that Steve B. had gotten food poisoning, and was recuperating in his apartment. I decided to go see him in the morning.
Thursday morning I got up 9:30 and went to Steve's apartment, arriving at 10:45. He had just locked himself out of the place again, and I had arrived just in time. He looked quite thin and weak. He told me the story of the food poisoning. Apparently he had eaten some leftovers that were not entirely fresh, more concerned about not wasting food than about what bad food might do to his body. As a result he got violently ill, and had to be taken to a hospital. It was a very sobering experience for him. He said that he would think twice about "not wasting food" again!
Getting a European Out
"Mouse" had been gone for the past two nights. Friday morning he showed up in the room with "Pic", and then took off again. Steve B. showed up at the gate at 10:30, and I went to sign him in. Steve and I had a long talk that afternoon. His "illusions" of how good life had been for him on the base were "blown away" after seeing the place again. He kept referring to us here as the "American community", and told of how difficult it was to get back into it again once you're out. He told me about his job of working in a store room at a company called B�tsch. It was just a simple blue-collar job, but he seemed to enjoy it. I asked him what he thought about my future here in Berlin, and how I could find a job. He explained some things to me about residence permits, and commented that it was much easier to obtain permission to stay in the country if you're married to a German.
Steve had gotten a "European out", meaning he didn’t have to report back to McGuire Air Force base in New Jersey to receive his discharge. As I recall, he was the first Airman to have successfully achieved this feat, the result of a series of complicated legal steps involving residence permits, the Foreign Police in Berlin, and permission from the USAF. This year he started leading me through the same process.
The last swing was moderately busy again. Much of the time was spent being silly with Hector. Paul C. came over and told me I had a hit for Sunday.
"The Road to Armageddon"
Saturday I invited Brunni to see a David Wilkerson movie over at the chapel at BB on Sunday. After a date on Sunday afternoon we went to base to eat at the chow hall before going to the movie. Hector, Melissa F., Peggy R., and others were there, leaving to go to the movie as well. We both ate quickly, and also left for BB by U-Bahn.
We got off at the Oskar-Helene-Heim U-Bahn station, and walked the rest of the way to the chapel, arm in arm. I was happy to be with her, and was floating on a cloud. When we got to the chapel we met her friend Sabine, along with a whole group of people from Nolli. Brunni and I sat with Hector, who was there with a group of people from the base, including Peggy R., Dan B., Melissa F., and Norm S. And then Volkhard Spitzer himself came, and sat behind Hector, Brunni, and me! What a combination, I thought to myself: Volkhard, Hector, Brunni, and I.
They showed the film "The Road to Armageddon," produced by David Wilkerson. Unfortunately, the film was a bit melodramatic, and even more unfortunate was the way it was handled by the church people who had arranged the event. When the movie finished, someone started playing "Just As I Am" on the piano, and a traditional altar call was given. It was just not appropriate, in my opinion, and I was a little embarrassed by it all.
When we were dismissed, I asked Hector what he thought. "I think we want to leave," he replied. And they did.
At the Argentine Barbecue
Sabine joined Brunni and me, and they decided to go out to eat. The three of us then took off for the U-Bahn.
Sabine and Brunni were acting rather silly that night. When we got on the U-Bahn, a man who frequented Nolli, usually in an inebriated state but tonight unusually sober, joined us and sat next to Sabine. He was very talkative, bragged to us about his apartment, and almost made a marriage proposal to Sabine. He had the three of us laughing ourselves silly.
We got off at Wittenbergplatz and took the 19 bus to Olivaerplatz, and ate at an Argentine Barbecue restaurant. Brunni was very relaxed and was smoking, a habit that she had not yet been able to kick, and consequently a source of frustration in our relationship. Sabine used to smoke, she said, but gave it up because she knew it was bad for her health. "If smoking weren't bad for you, I would never have quit," confessed Sabine. "Smoking is pure pleasure!"
At 10:00 we left the restaurant, and went our separate ways. All three of us had to work the next day. Sabine took a taxi, and I got on the bus back to work. Brunni had told us that she was going to be starting a week of fasting. She was not going to be seeing any friends, except for going to Nolli, and would be off of cigarettes for a week as well. She didn't have much of an explanation, other than having something to do with her desire for an inward spiritual renewal.
IG Jitters at Marienfelde
Monday the 13th was a day watch. I was nervous about having to face Hector and others at work, after the awkward time at the BB chapel. It turned out, though, that he and Melissa were both working mids. Peggy was there, but said nothing.
There were rumors of an impending visit by an IG ("inspector general"), and at the end of the day Major S. rounded us up and told us to get into shape for the visit. I went and got my hair cut after getting back to the base. Randy's hair had been getting very long.
"Mouse" was in the room that night, smoking away and playing his loud music. I couldn't concentrate again, and just did various chores. "Mouse", to my relief, finally turned off his machine and left the room, giving me a short "breather".
Tuesday's day watch was a busy one. Major S. went around and made a list of people who needed haircuts, and before lunch they were herded into a truck and sent to the barber shop at TCA. Randy was one of them. I got a little bitter about all the haircut nonsense that afternoon. We were half an hour late in leaving that afternoon, since Major S. had to give his briefing to the incoming flight.
Wednesday was the last day watch. All of the recent noise about the coming IG and the haircut frenzy from Major S. had been getting on a lot of people's nerves. Randy and Ed J. showed up in their dress blues that day, wearing sunglasses, smoking cigars, and acting like lifers. They were strutting around "inspecting" everybody, in obvious mockery of Major S. It was quite an act.
It was a busy day, but I didn't have that much to do. Major S. gave another briefing to the incoming flight again late that afternoon, making us late in getting relieved.
Russian TV
Thursday the 16th I watched a Russian movie called "Comrade of the Brigade," about Russian shipyard welders. It was rather long, had a lot of conversation in it, and I recorded long segments of it with my cassette recorder. It was an interesting experience for me to watch Russian movies. The East Berlin TV station broadcast their Russian language show every Thursday night, sometimes featuring documentaries, but usually featuring a Soviet movie. Soviet movies were quite different from their Hollywood counterparts. There was nearly always some patriotic or political theme woven into the plot, and about half of them had something to do with the "Great Patriotic War", the Soviet term for World War II. Watching Soviet TV one would think that the Russians single-handedly liberated Europe from the Nazis. The roles played by the Americans, British, and French were ignored. Other movies, like the one that night, had a proletariat theme of some sort, glorifying dock workers, or factory workers, or loyal Party members of some sort. One movie I saw (and recorded for the Russian conversation) was the story of a member of the infamous Cheka, the forerunner of the KGB. Living now in the modern USSR, he was depicted as a wise, kindly, selfless old gentleman, always ready to help out his neighbors and always giving impeccably wise advise, and now reminiscing on his experiences in his former life with the Cheka. Another movie dramatized the life of Lenin in exile in Finland. (Lenin was no less than a god in Soviet Russia). There were, however, a few movies with no political theme. One I remember was a strange sci-fi movie about a man who was half-fish, half-human; another was a lame musical comedy about a fellow who was always getting himself into trouble. I was unconcerned with the content of the movies, however, and watched them solely for the purpose of learning the language.
Brunni Breaks Her Fast
Sunday the 19th Brunni had decided to terminate her seclusion period and her fast, and invited me out to eat. I opened up the bag she'd given me and checked the shirts. Not only were the stripes sewn on perfectly, but the shirts themselves were washed spotless. After the morning service we left Nolli, huddled together under her umbrella, and went to the Wienerwald again. Brunni was a radiant sight. I still remember her sitting across from me that afternoon, wearing her glasses, pink blouse, black skirt, and her hair nice, shiny, and fluffy.
We sat across from each other for two hours, and just talked and looked at each other. Outside it was wet and drizzling. At 2:00 we finally left, and both took the 19 bus back to the Flughafen. She was on her way to her mother's place. As we left, she bought some cigarettes and smoked a couple, which, as always, made me a little sad.
Marienfelde Cleans Up; "Mouse" Cleans Out
That evening was the first swing. I got selected to do max cleanup with three others on the flight. It was a frustrating, confusing time. None of us knew what we were doing, and so we just mopped and buffed clumsily as we saw fit. A while later Paul C. gave us four a hit. Monday’s swing was very boring, just enough activity to keep a few people occupied. Col. Joyce showed up at the site and gave us a lecture about the coming IG.
That night I went to visit Randy’s one-man room for the first time that night before going to bed. "Mouse" was in the room packing his things. The packers were coming the next morning to take them away. Tuesday morning at 8:30 they arrived, woke us, and shipped off "Mouse"s worldly goods.
I met Robin in the parking lot that forenoon, and we spent a little time together. He had a car. He said he was getting settled down, and was doing well. I told him about Brunhilde. "Do you love her?" he asked. I told him yes, and told him what an artistic and poetic person she was. "It’s good that she’s a poetic person," he commented, "because I think that under your farm exterior there’s a poet’s heart."
That night’s swing was about like Monday night’s one. Major D. had me polish some tables and things. He, Major S., Captain T., and another Lieutenant were walking around there in "civies", i.e., civilian clothes. Major D. seemed quite human and friendly, which surprised me. There was going to be some sort of big meeting there the next morning, with about fifteen officers and a civilian.
Hector and I had a talk that night; we were getting to be quite good friends. Rob A. was working CQ that night, and he called up Pat, telling her that there was going to be a base recall the next morning. It turned out to be a false alarm. There was no base recall, either that night or the next morning.
Wednesday afternoon "Mouse" moved all of his junk out of the room with the help of a friend. He was leaving the next morning at 9:00. Sgt. K. came in to inspect the room, and then a guy from across the hall came in and confiscated all of the comic books that he had left behind. My short cohabitation with "Mouse" was fortunately coming to an end.
It was another beautiful day that day. The last swing was a little busier than the others. I worked almost all evening. Randy was doing his "lifer" act again, dressed up in his blues and strutting around with a cigar in his mouth.
A Close Encounter with Archy G.
Thursday the 23rd "Mouse" never showed up. He was gone forever. The plan was that Randy would move in and be my roommate. A while later, though, a fellow walked into the room with a friend, announcing that he was my new roommate! My heart sank. I told him that it had to be a mistake – but it wasn’t. The orderly room had apparently mixed things up. His friend was then na�ve enough to call up Sgt. Archy G. on the spot and ask him about it, and then things really started heating up! Sgt. G. called me onto the line. He was fuming, and was demanding that I move out of the room immediately! "Who ordered you in there!?" he roared. I felt my guts melting down into my feet. I had visions of myself being personally thrown out of my new room by Sgt. G. and shipped back to the hangars. For a few moments it looked like I was going to be busted for sure. As the conversation progressed, however, he suddenly realized that he was talking with the wrong person. Apparently he had thought I was Randy, and had moved in already. When he learned it was me, he softened his tone a bit. He just didn’t want Randy moving into my room, he explained. This new guy was on another flight, but had just arrived from Goodfellow and needed the room.
That whole experience really shook me up. For a few seconds I thought that somehow Sgt. G. had found out that I had moved myself into the room at G-2 in December without his approval, and he was kicking me out. But as it turned out, he was none the wiser, and I was secure at G-2 for the duration of my hitch in Berlin.
Afterwards I ran into Randy, who didn’t seem worried about the situation in the least. He said he would wait until the dust settled, and then go talk with Dennis S. in the orderly room and get things fixed. As it turned out, however, nothing got fixed at all. Randy never became my roommate.
Shopping Spree with Brunni
It was a beautiful day, and I was going to see Brunhilde! The weather had finally smiled on us. I arrived at her place in the early afternoon, and we headed out into the city on our shopping expedition for my new clothes. First we looked for a new coat. We started at the Wilmersdorfer Stra�e, and worked through store after store but couldn’t find my size. We looked and looked and found nothing. Finally, at the end of the day, we went to KaDeWe, and there I found my size and a nice selection to choose from. I picked a nice-looking black coat for 100 Marks. Then we went off to C&A for pants, and she found a pair for me that fit perfectly.
By then I was exhausted, and I was starting to lose interest in all shopping. It was a beautiful evening. The sky was clear, and the neon lights shone gaily above the hustle-bustle of the KuDamm. The Ged�chtniskirche stood huge and silent over us as we walked past, arm in arm. I was happy with what we had accomplished, and we headed back to her apartment. She then started acting a bit strangely. I didn’t understand what it was all about until I suddenly realized something – she hadn’t smoked all day. "Now I’m going to do something terrible," she announced. She went into a tobacco shop and bought cigarettes, not only for herself, but for everyone on her floor. "We’re all addicts," she kidded.
The rest of the night we spent doing "foolish nothings." We sat opposite each other, with our shoeless feet pressed up against each other, and listened to her music. Brunhilde had a small record player in her room next to her desk, and whenever I came over to visit she would put on a record. In December her favorite record was "Kieselsteine", produced by an Italian guitarist and singer named Adamo, who sang schmaltzy romantic songs in German with an Italian accent. I didn't particularly care for the music, but with time I became rather accustomed to it. One of the songs I especially remember had the refrain "und du gehst fort", i.e., "and you go away":
Blaue Rosen suchte ich
endlich fand ich sie f�r dich –
und du gehst fort.
W�nschte ich nicht f�r uns Zwei
jedes Luftschlo� gleich herbei?
und du gehst fort.
(I searched for blue roses
finally I found them for you –
and you go away.
Did I not wish us both
every castle in the sky?
and you go away.)
Then there was another song with a kind of wistful, haunting, yearning mood to the tune. I heard it so many times at her apartment that it became a sort of subconscious theme song to the whole Brunhilde experience. In January she had a new record. I don't remember the name of the group, but the name of the song was "Charlie" or something similar, and I seem to remember that it was sung in French or some such language. She enjoyed that song so much, and played it over and over.
At 11:00 I got ready to leave. She didn't escort me to the bus stop that night, and we parted at the stairway. Walking through the courtyard she clicked her tongue at me from her window, as always. I was enjoying this experience to the fullest. The new clothes made me feel even better, almost like a new person.
Out of Place
Friday evening the 24th, after a busy first day watch, I got dressed in my new clothes and went off to Nolli. They showed a film that night, and Brunni, her brother, and Sabine were there acting very silly, giggling at the serious scenes, and generally conducting themselves in an unbecoming fashion - in my opinion. It made me feel a little uncomfortable being with them.
Afterwards Brunni and company were going out to eat at the Argentine steak house at Olivaerplatz again, and she coaxed me into coming. It was a little late for me to be going out, but I gave in and went along with them.
It was a decision I ended up regretting. Brunni, her brother, and Sabine were continuing where they had left off at Nolli, and I kept seeing so many things in her that I didn't like. Brunni's brother was quite the joker, and even had me laughing a lot. But even though I was laughing on the outside, my heart was very heavy and sad. I felt so out of place with them.
We left at 11:00. Sabine, Brunni's brother, and I took the 19 bus together, and Brunni went back to her place. I talked a little with Sabine about Brunni's silliness, and she insisted that Brunni was really a very serious person. Sabine knew Brunhilde pretty well, and I supposed she was right, but it just didn't appear that way to me that night. I got back to my room that night feeling really bad about it all.
After I had gotten to know Brunni in late November, things got better and better with her until right before the New Year. In January, however, we had some times together that were a little flat and awkward, and I started seeing things in her that made me feel uncomfortable. I am sure she was seeing the same sort of things in me. We were still in love, but the freshness of it all was starting to wear off.
Mandatory Haircuts, USAF Style
Saturday was the 2nd day watch. I was in a very touchy, volatile mood because of the night before, and feared that the day might turn out bad. It did. Sgt. Ch. was going around ordering people to get immediate haircuts, and I was one of the victims. The others were Hector, Bill M., Dean B., Bob G., Jimmy L., and Ed. We were herded into an SP truck like so many cattle and driven to the base barber shop that forenoon, where I got a terrible haircut. That made me even angrier. When we got back to the site I took my time eating lunch, and then I pouted and scowled at everything for the rest of the day.
Confessions
They showed another film at Nolli Saturday night. I saw Brunni there with her brother and a girlfriend of Brunni's. I was hoping to straighten things out between us, but when I saw her my hopes were dashed. She seemed so cold and distant. She and her brother went to sit in the middle section, and I timidly followed. All through the first half of the film I was feeling miserable. After the movie was over, I left after some awkward conversation with Brunni.
I got back to the room frustrated, hurt, disappointed, and depressed about the Brunhilde situation. I decided then and there that things either had to change or come to an end.
The phone rang. I jumped up, threw on my bathrobe, and scurried out into the hallway toward the phone. "If it stops ringing before I get it," I thought to myself, "I'll die."
I picked up the phone. "Bill?" It was Brunhilde. She was really confused and upset. "Everything I do is wrong. I have a gift of wrecking everything. If you don't want me any more, just say so and that'll be the end of it."
The time had finally come for me to be open and honest about my feelings about her, and so I finally spilled my guts. I feared the worst. But somehow it all turned out well. She was actually relieved to hear my confession. All these weeks she had been waiting for me to be more honest and open with her. My reservations had only served to frustrate her more and more. "It's not for a woman to say these things first," she stated. So the ice was broken, and nothing terrible happened. We continued talking for about an hour and cleared things up between us.
Modest Affections
Sunday the 26th was the third day watch. There weren’t very many people at work. IG fever was everywhere. Somehow Hector had gotten a hit, and Gary was giving me a rough time about that.
It was a bright, clear day all day, and that evening there was a bright full moon in the sky. I left for Brunni’s immediately after getting back to base, full of eager expectations.
I got to her place around 5:30. She was dressed in a long blue dress and pink blouse. She said she had been sleeping all day. After our phone call she had joined in on a party with the Turks on her floor, and didn’t get to bed until around 4:00 in the morning. She told me a little about the experience, and said they had invited her over to a couple’s house for another party for Saturday night, and to her own surprise she had accepted!
Brunni made tea and sandwiches, and put on some music. She had encouraged me to be more affectionate with her, but I was still too shy, and probably wasn't as aggressive as she had hoped. But we sat together close for much of the evening, and it was so nice and cosy that I didn't want to leave.
Time went by unnoticed, and it soon got late. I didn’t want to take another taxi, and so I made sure that I left before midnight. She put on her shoes and jacket, and walked out to the street with me. It was pretty chilly, and she turned back after accompanying me a short distance on the sidewalk. I just caught the midnight bus and rode back to base, my head spinning with the euphoria of having been with Brunni.
IG Arrives; Brunni Bolts
Monday the 27th I got up 6:00 for the last day watch. My new roommate got up at the same time. He had been living there all that time, but I hadn’t seen him for days since I was always out. It was his first day at Marienfelde. I found out he smoked, but fortunately not like "Mouse." It was a fairly busy day at work, and on top of that the long-awaited IG team had finally arrived and was walking around inspecting the place.
That night I went to Nolli and decided to be prepared for anything with Brunni. It was good that I was prepared, since she turned out to be in a bad mood. It wasn’t quite clear to me why. She was sitting up front with her brother, and I joined her. They showed another movie that night, which Brunni and brother seemed to enjoy. They even laughed during the "funny" parts.
Afterwards Brunni announced that she wanted to go straight home, alone. She didn’t look like she was feeling too well. I let her go without any objection.
The Return of Ted
I met Kevin on the way back, and he told me that Ted was back in Berlin, living in the transient airmen quarters. Ted was a buddy and former roommate at Goodfellow, where I had also known Kevin. I hadn't seen Ted since he left Berlin in February the year before. I was looking forward to seeing him and went to call on him right away, but he wasn’t in.
Tuesday afternoon I went over to Ted’s room again, planning to put a note on his door, and met him in the hallway at C-2. It was the same old Ted, just a little filled-out looking and shorter hair. It was really nice to see him again. He took me to his room, which used to be Robin's old room, and showed me his wedding album. He had gotten married in California. I told him about Brunhilde a while. Then we got onto the subject of changes here on base, and of people we both knew.
A Very Bad Date
Wednesday was my second day of break. I left for her place at 4:00. I was so much looking forward to that evening, and hoping to continue where we had left off.
She was looking out of the window as I arrived, and met me at the door at the top of the stairs. She started making tea. "How are you?" she asked. "Fine," I answered. I then asked her how she was. She started to answer, and then bit her tongue. I coaxed her into telling me anyway. "Beschissen," she said. ("Sh-tty"). That was not what I wanted to hear, but I kept my composure.
She was all hyperactive, for whatever reason. She had been that way all day, she said, and was having fits of laughter. Even that evening she broke out laughing from time to time. We got to talking about things, and I sensed a little friction between us that evening. She was smoking a little more that usual, but I remained patient.
We went to Nolli. In the bus I managed to participate a little in her silliness. At Nolli we joined her brother, where she was still laughing uncontrollably. It went on like that all evening.
After the service Volkhard wanted to talk with Brunni and her brother. After a few minutes they both reappeared with one of Brunni's girlfriends, and we four went off to the pizzeria. Brunni was really disturbed and keyed up about something. All the laughter was gone and she was radiating tension. She wanted me to go along with her to the pizzeria, but I was rather reluctant to go, feeling that a repeat of Friday night was imminent.
Upon arriving at the pizzeria, Brunni immediately ordered a drink. I was shocked. She had told me on the phone Saturday night that she was going to stop drinking alcohol, even though it was a subject that I had never mentioned. It had been her decision alone, and yet she was now breaking her own promise right in front of me. I was baffled and shocked, and told her so. All she had to say was, "Es tut mir leid." ("I’m sorry.")
Then came the cigarettes. She was smoking heavily, as she had been all that evening. My patience was running out; I could take it no more.
We soon left. Brunni and brother rode off in the other girl’s car. Before they left, Brunni, sensing my condition, wished me a good day. I said nothing, and just left, feeling absolutely horrible. I couldn’t stand it. "Why was she acting like that?" I wondered. It was torturing me to no end, and I just didn’t know what to make of it.
Black Thursday
Thursday morning the 30th I got up around 9:30 and left the room. I was still feeling the same turmoil as last night, and it was awful. I was almost expecting a phone call from Brunni that day, but it never came. I didn’t know what to do with myself. In my current condition I was incapable of undertaking anything. I kept thinking of the promise I had made to her Tuesday night, that I would love her no matter what. But I found that in spite of my promises, and in spite of my words, my feelings were completely different. I had no control over my feelings.
I ate lunch and was joined by Hector. Afterwards I went to check on my slides, and found that they had finally arrived. These were all the pictures I had taken the past few weeks with Brunhilde. A quick spot check revealed that most of them had unfortunately come out far too dark. On the way back to the room I said to Hector, "Girls are strange people." "Yeah," he replied, "but that’s what makes them fun."
I wasn’t having any fun.
Later that afternoon I finally decided that I had to call up Brunni and get all of this off of my chest.
I went to the passenger lounge to call her up. She answered, sounding very drained and tired. After a slight hesitation I told her the reason for calling. "I’m scared," I said. "I can’t imagine my life without you, but I can’t imagine it with you either."
Brunni answered. "It’s good that you called," she sighed. "I am going through exactly the same thing."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
And then it came. "Bill, we aren’t children any more," she said soberly. "I don’t think that we are meant for each other after all. I have found that I don’t really love you after all…"
I was stunned. It was like a large, cold, steel knife had just crashed into my chest. I was plunged into a living nightmare. I was devastated; everything collapsed. I could barely speak.
"Are.. you serious?" I stammered.
"Yes."
She explained that she had made the decision Wednesday night during the service. I told her that I couldn’t just stop so suddenly. I’d gone so far already. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. She expressed sympathy, but didn’t budge an iota from her position. She stuck to her guns.
I could take it no longer, and asked her if she had Volkhard’s phone number, and she gave it to me.
We hung up. I immediately dialed Volkhard’s number, and his wife answered. Volkhard wasn’t in, she explained, and wouldn’t be in until late. I left my number with her, and instructed her to have him call me if he got in before I left for my mid that night.
I staggered back to the room, tried to get my mind off it all, and watched some Russian TV.
Volkhard called about 8:00. He told me right away that he knew what was wrong, since Brunni had confided to him last night about her decision. He had just the right words for me, and the talk managed to calm me down somewhat.
I went back to the room and rested. My roommate Jim came in around 10:30, and then I got up. I took apart and removed everything in the room that reminded me of Brunhilde. Everything she had ever given me I put into a plastic bag to return to her Friday evening.
Grief
I was dreading the mid that night. It was the first series of mids since right after Christmas, and it had come at a very dark time in my life.
I managed to stay awake a lot longer than I had thought I would be able to that night. B. was the RTS, and he talked with me quite a bit that night. Later on I started falling asleep, mostly out of sadness about the Brunhilde affair.
I slept until noon Friday morning, still pretty much overcome with grief. That evening I went to Nolli by bus, taking along the bag of Brunni's things. I talked with a couple friends before Brunni arrived. When she came, I gave her the bag. She had a bag of some things of mine as well, along with an envelope containing a letter. I told her that I wanted us to remain good friends. She wasn't smiling. She looked different, somehow. Her eyes were plain and sober, but still pretty. There was an indescribable kind of sobriety and sadness in her face.
At the bus stop that night I opened Brunni's letter and began reading it. I read it through once, and then again after getting on the bus. In it she apologized for having done what she did. "Please forgive me for having to hurt you," she wrote. "I am not sorry for myself. This is not the first time that I've made mistakes. But never has it been so hard for me to admit this mistake, because I know how you feel. Thank you, Bill, for all the nice times together with you. For your patience and love. Let us only see the good and not let it be ruined by disappointment. I have learned more from you than you will probably ever believe."
The BVG bus bounced along the dark streets between Sch�neberg and Tempelhof, with me sitting in the upper deck, the letter in my hand written in the flowing script that had become so familiar to me over the past few weeks. The dream had died, and I was holding the document that had sealed its death.
See the pictures behind the story:
MARIENFELDE / TCA PHOTO GALLERY
Disclaimer:
The purpose of "Marienfelde, 1973-1976, An ex-airman remembers" is only to ientertain. These are personal memories of one individual, and as such they are subject to error. The names of individuals have in nearly all cases been abbreviated or altered in order to protect their privacy; therefore the reader is STRONGLY cautioned against making any assumptions as to the identity of any individuals referred to in this narrative. The views and opinions communicated on this website, whether explicit or construed, are those of a private individual and not those of the United States Air Force, the USAFSS, or any other government agency.
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