I left my 3 year old son alone to end my life. I am 38, a wife, a mother of 2 young boys and had a good upper middleclass life. I was prescribed Wellbutrin by my doctor. I wanted to quit smoking and it would also help the "blahs" I had at the time. My psychosis started a few days into the drug. It was hard to describe but made my normal environment unbearable. The doctor increased anti anxiety medication to combat the effects (not relating them to the drug. It takes several weeks for the Wellbutrin to have effect). I knew it was the drug, eventually quit taking it and told the doctor so (she said it was ok to abruptly stop, Wellbutrin was different than SSRIs). The effects were worse increasingly drank alcohol, required more Xanax and one morning, not contemplating suicide at all simply took the whole bottle. I woke up in a psych unit, was prescribed more anti depressants and increased dose of Ativan, discharged (thank god) for refusing to take more anti depressants. My doctor then continued to adjust the drugs and I cannot describe the physical and mental torment. At the advise of a relative that had been observing all the changes, I informed my doctor I wanted off all the drugs. It was a losing battle; just lowering the dose amplified all the effects. The doctor increased the Ativan to combat it. It was not effective. I slit my wrists to escape. Showing the doctor printouts from web sites re anti depressant related cases he still insisted it was not the drugs. Not really wanting to die, on my own and NOT at the advise of my doctor I entered a drug detox hospital on the condition NO drugs would be prescribed. This all happened over a six month period one year ago. Even in light of the FDA warning for children on the labels, doctors still did not see it. I still have some neuro-physical effects, my ears never stop ringing. I live with shame and embarrassment. Sometimes I start to think I just had a crazy episode and cannot forgive myself for leaving my son alone. When I hear of someone else I am reminded of who I was the day I decided to take Wellbutrin and quit smoking. I am also reminded of the fact I tried to kill myself. I am angry still. Pamela

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