Note: It was debated about leaving this letter in it's original form. It was decided to leave it as it was written to show how much of the thinking/spelling process is damaged because of her taking Zyban.
Here's my story, in the end of january 2004 my friend and I started with Zyban because we would stop smoking, we started the program as it was
prescripted at the tablet box [prescribed on the box] starting with one tabl. and after 10 days two tabl. a day during 10 weeks. I think I stopped after 3 or 4 weeks I'm not sure about that.(my friend took it for 7 or 8 weeks and had no problems at all so that made it more difficult to believe the damage I had was caused by Zyban) The first week I felt stranges, had nigthmares, swetting out of bed, a very dry mouth and became frightened. I went to my doctor and the chemist shop both of them said I'd have to go on the symptoms became from not smoking and would stop after a while. I started to take two tabl. a day after 10 days and symtoms were getting worce I could'nt focus my eyes, started crying for no reason could'nt think properly got angry and a lot of more things, I changed completely I was'nt able to walk it was as if my brain did'nt gave the info. to my legs to move I could'nt find the rigth [right] words anymore did'nt regonaise people I felt as if I was complete out of order, when I cooked diner I left the gas on etc, forgot to pay my bills, and when I saw myself wetting on the bathmat and put my daycreme in my underware instead of my fase I yell to my friend and said please take me to a mentalhosp.I've become crazy I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I faited now and then. My friend called the doctor and he did'nt no what to do with me and said in no way it could be ccaused by Zyban. I was taken to a mentalhosp. where they gave me oxazepam and cipramil I felt awful I did'nt understand what was going on with me, I stayed there 10 weeks and they also thougt perhaps I was young demented. They also stopped my medicatie that I used to take for endometriose (orgametril) and told me I was already in the menopause and did'nt need them anymore. The medication did'nt work and I they tried notrilen and after a week of taking this I had to take a double dosis and they send me back home, without listning to me , because I told them again I felt that it was'nt good for me, no way that could be, it was immagination, so I was send home during the weekend I completly crashed got psychotic ran away from home went into the fields and thougth I have to wait until it's dark and then I hang myself on a tree that was standing there, complete out of order I felt a sleep in a ditch and in the meanwhile my friend was scared to death were I was and what was happening to me. The hospital was called, the police was looking for me so it was a complete nigthmare. After I felt a sleep in the ditch I woke up a couple of hours later and thougth my God what am I doing here what is happend to me, slowly I rememberd what I was planning to do and I felt ashamed, I thougth about my friend and how terrible this must me not knowing where I was and what might have happened. I went home and he was very angry what the hell I was doing I feld helpless and misunderstood because I felt it was again the med. that made me act that way for I'm not a person who want to stop live. The hosp. let us down and did'nt want to take me back, they send me to an other psych. for a second opinion after sitting there fore 15 min. telling my story and how I thougth about it, they send me back with the most stupid concl. I've ever heard it was my relationship that causes the problems. Lucky enough my own psych. who asked for this second opinion did'nt believe that, because she saw how much we care about eachother and problems in that way where out of order.It brougth us back to were we stand no one did know what was wrong and what to do. They made a MRI scan and a EEG but no damages or strange things where found. After about 6 weeks after all this we read in the local newspaper that they opend a new place for schizophr.pat. in Sint Nicolaasga were they could live and work we took contact and with help from my psych. I was placedthere for 8 weeks. First they did'nt want me to live there because I did'nt fit into the group of people they were working with,but it's now nearly a year. We tried several med. but nothing works out well, so after your info. we stopped med. and try the alternetive way.They also thougth on a frontale demention disseas of Pick and send me for tests in the MC Amsterdam but they were sertain in their concl.no way I'm dementing they foud 2 small spots on the MRI but did'nt know how this could have impact on me. In the meantime I lost everything I cared for my partner, my house and most of al my former me. I can't remeber most parts of my life and this make me feel empty and lonesome. My creativety is lost I was a sculptorres, and I loved gardening, now a day's I'm glad I can remeber a name of a plant. I was standing at the point G. was in 2 years ago do I want this live anymore, but after have contact with you and G. I try to pick up my live again even tough it feels like 3 steps forward and 2 back and sometimes 4 back but I want to go on. They take my story serious and try to help me as much as they can.
So this is my story kind regards Rigt.