BoB's Fashion Page
Having trouble keeping up? Well, you don't have to bother reading trashy magazines done by people who think they can tell you what is fashionable. I'll do that right here for free. Let's get started.
Current fashion methodology defined: I hereby declare something
to be fashionable if and only if it is of some practical use.
If something is particularly ingenious, then it is that much more
fashionable.
Shaving - This is meant to apply to any interested genders. Shaving is stupid. I'm not saying it doesn't have its place, but if you are reading this, it probably doesn't for you. Shaving is based purely upon appearance. This flagrantly violates current fashion methodology as defined above. It can not hide behind the pretense of any practical use. In fact, not shaving has practical uses of providing warmth and sometimes even protecting from the rain. The only possible objection is hygiene, but with diligence, the highest of hygiene standards can be maintained without shaving. All that is needed is my seven step cleaning process that can be repeated as needed.
To a society as a whole shaving is illogical. However, as you are probably a lone person, I will allow some leeway on shaving for practical reasons, i.e. other people's stupidity. If you have a potential or actual significant other who puts an illogical value on shaving, then it would be practical for you on a personal level to oblige them and shave if you could not convince them of its pointlessness. And if you're trying to explain it, be sure to tell them about the new hip current fashion methodology or refer them to this page..
Ironing - Ironing is yet another thing that is created entirely by the mind. Ironing does not make clothes better or last longer. It merely makes them look better, and they only look better because people are trained to think that it looks better. The ironing industry is based purely on this sham. Do you know how many fires in the US are caused by irons? I have no clue, but it is a concern, right? The main problem here is an expectation of ironed clothes. This is what must be stopped.
Ironed clothes show that a person cares about their appearance, that they are willing to go the extra mile to do the best they can. What people should believe on the other hand, is that people with ironed clothes are morons. That they give in to societal pressure because they don't have the guts to act on the fact that ironing doesn't do anything. If we start shunning people who iron their clothes, we would start a revolution where people would have more time to spend with their families, and even work for the company to help boost quarterly profits. We must begin to appreciate the qualities required to not iron one's clothes. It requires bravery, pragmatism, logic, and most of all a good honest heart. We need these few to step forward, and I am sure that the people of this great country will be freed of the shackles of ironing. It must start here though Mr./Ms. Websurfer. Go throw your iron out the window right now, preferably on some uptight dumb guy who irons his clothes. Then come back to my page and reload it a couple of times.
Shorts -
This is the complicated stuff. I'm sure we all know how weird
this can become. I have a natural aversion towards shorts. I think
if God wanted my leg to be showing, he wouldn't have given me
pants. Well the problem here in Texas is that it can get hot.
Shorts are a near necessity. Also, shorts have a mobility advantage.
Rotation around the knee can flow unrestricted, which is helpful
in most sports. Even movement at the waist seems to be less restricted
than with pants because there is less surface area with which
the shorts can oppose motion. Still, shorts can make a person
feel self-conscious. That is why we were given "loose-fit
shorts." These made out of the same material as jeans. However,
they are available in such designs that can extend all the way
to the top of my kneecap. Moreover, they have much of the mobility
you would normally associate with shorts, much because of the
"loose-fit" deal. These type of half-pants/half-shorts,
are perfect. They preserve 90% of the psychological comfort of
pants, but at the same time, they are shorts. One should be equally
averse, however, to "tight-fit" jeans. These are often
even more restricting than many pants. Obviously, this is just
an attempt by greedy corporate jean executives to skimp out on
fabric costs so that they can keep their oh so precious mega-million
dollar salaries.
Ties - We should probably give up on ties too. They don't actually have a function besides wiping off various liquids, and even I don't use them for that. The same goes for ribbons in your hair. While even I may grant it can be appealing, it has no function. It must be put in a place similar to shaving.
One tiny exception I've found with ties though is that bow ties seem to say something about the person, and thus have a function. I'm not talking about people wearing tuxedos with bow ties, but people wearing bow ties when they could be wearing regular ties. These people always seem to have something interesting to say. So, I think I can make an exception for people wearing bow ties when they want to communicate that they have some rather odd view on something that they want to tell you about.
Hopefully this will take care of some of your questions. This of course barely scratches the surface of the fashion insight that someone like me is literally packed with. If you would like personal advise, or would like to suggest something that should be added to this page, please E-MAIL me [deprecated].. It'll just take a second, and think about how often you can get a personal fashion consultant for free.
'Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." - Oscar Wilde