Year In Review: 2006
By Loc

Well, we waited a couple weeks into 2007 just to make sure we couldn’t squeak in a couple more flicks from ’06. As is becoming tradition, the Oscar contenders get left off the list because of limited releases/December dates. And while we do see them, they get left off the year in review even in the following year. It’s like an abyss for the best, so sad. For instance, Crash, Brokeback Mountain, Capote, all seen by yours truly, all reviewed, and yet, not included in last year’s or this year’s review. So sad. But, it does leave more room for the big Oscar rundown in a couple months, so yippee! Ok, on with the show.

The stats, cause the stats never lie. Out of the top 150 grossing films of 2006, BMF was present for roughly 20 flicks, one every two-and-a-half weeks. Not too shabby, but a reflection of the crappy flicks once again. I remember last year’s great cinematic crisis, the decline and fall of the movie-going public. Everyone believed it was a result of the horrible flicks being shoved down our throats, and in the year of gloom, BMF witness a whole 18 films. So this year wasn’t much better, but every improvement is something to cling to I guess, whoo hoo.

Of the top 10 grossing films, I caught 5 of them, batting a healthy 50%. The big blockbusters included Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, X-Men: The Last Stand, The Da Vinci Code, Superman Returns, and Casino Royale. Some of the big misses: Ice Age: The Meltdown, Happy Feet, Over the Hedge, and Cars?!? Yes, all CGI animated flicks, but only one is on my list to still see, and that’s Pixar’s offering.

Out of the top 20, we drop below 50%, catching only 9 total films. Stuff like Mission: Impossible III, The Departed, and Borat caught my eye. Dreck like Scary Movie 4 and Failure to Launch, not so much.

Okay, enough stats, on to the awards!

Worse Use of a Hole in the Ground:
So, caper flicks should always have great reveals. With Inside Man, a giant mystery unfolds as Denzel Washington tries to outwit Clive “Deep Voice” Owen. Throughout the bank hold-up, Clive’s team always returns their focus to digging the hole. It’s gotta be important, it’s the frigging hole for crying out loud! Did you finish the hole? Get back to the hole. Dig that hole! And in the end, what is the hole for? A Shawshank tunnel for escape? A way to get past the security defensese? No! It’s a porta-potty!! I sh*t you not, pun definitely intended!!

The Barry Bond Award:
So, um, Daniel Craig might be the first blond Bond. He might be the first ugly Bond, too. But, more importantly, he’s the first BALCO Bond as well. Actually, technically he’s not the first BALCO Bond, cause the would be Barry’s title, right? Oh, low blow to the Giants fans out there. Back to Casino Royale, where Daniel Craig learned how to wear shirts two sizes too small without popping any buttons. Homey, the name is James Bond, not James Bonds, slugger for the Giants.

Best Pseudo-Reality Flick:
You think I’m gonna say Borat? You are wrong, dead wrong. Naked wrestling and nutsac rubbing, not as funny as some people may lead you to believe. So what is the best? You thought I was gonna fall back to Jackass: Number 2, but you’re wrong again! Granted, Jackass Two was friggin awesome, worthy of the sequel mantle. Ah, but the best of the best goes to Al Gore and An Inconvenient Truth. Who ever would have thought a Powerpoint slide show would be so compelling? And, when you see ice caps melting all over the place, it’s quite an eye-opener. Run for Pres, Al, I’ll vote for you!

Punt-kick Your Kid Movie:
Hello Wil Smith, I’m talking to you! So, you think you can just dumb your annoying kid on to us and we’d take it. Aww hell no! When asked who his favorite actors were, Wil Smith’s kid said something to the effect, “I like my mom, my dad, and me.” Yep, I’m glad we’ve introduced this kid into our pop consciousness. Remember a couple years ago, I said the best Wil Smith vehicle would be a cement bike on a frozen lake? Well, I’m sure we can find a cement tricycle to go along with it.

Worst Movie of the Year:
Yeah, this is an annual favorite. Who can forget past winners like Bewitched and The Forgotten. Or even runner’s up like Memoirs of a Geisha and Bridget Jones 2, both of which we can thank Katie for encouraging us to watch. This year, we’ve got The Fountain, Darren Aronofsky’s ode to himself. Poor Hugh Jackman, stuck in a bubble traveling with a tree that’s supposed to be Rachel Weisz. Should’ve just popped that damn thing and be done with it. But that wasn’t the worse I saw, nope that title rests firmly with The Holiday. I got a present for Cameron Diaz, and it’s not JT’s gift in a box. It’s a one way ticket to never appearing before my eyes again! Her acting helped bump this flick from unbearable to Worst Movie of the Year! Good job Cameron, why don’t you just get dumped now! Ohhh, that’s a real low blow.

Now, on to the top prizes of the year. Before moving forward, let us review the list from previous years. 2004 gave you Kill Bill: Vol. 2, Shrek 2, and The Incredibles. 2005 checked in with Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and King Kong. King Kong!?! That’s right, King F’in Kong. This is to help dispel the rumors of film snobiness and critic hating. Remember, my word is for the common movie-goer by the common movie-goer. And, my word is right, yeahhh! As Mario would say, hhhere we go:

Number 3:
There’s nothing better than dumbasses doing stupid things for a laugh. The likeability comes from the fact that these jackasses are doing stuff to amuse themselves. Sure, they come up with insane stunts and bring a camera crew to film it all, but I bet if they were sitting around, they’d come up with stupid crap to torture each other with nonetheless. But seriously, a dude dressed up as the devil getting launched up from a grate in the sidewalk…brilliant!

Number 2:
It’s back to the indie, the little flicks that have weird, quirky characters doing their thing. In Little Miss Sunshine, you’re treated to Steve Carell, Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, and Alan Arkin doing their best to play lowkey. And it’s great fun, a ragtag dysfunctional family trying to get their kid to the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant. Everything works well in this film, and it fits well into the “quiet” little film that has moments of hi-larity. Good stuff.

Number 1:
Can you frigging believe I’m giving this flick the best of the year? The Devil Wears Prada, how sad. Here’s the thing, overall, all the blockbusters this year were disappointing, including Pirates 2 which made more money than everything else combined. And then, if you drop to the other flicks, that stuff was bad too, The Prestige, Snakes on a Plane, yuck. So out of all the mediocrity, The Devil Wears Prada kinda straddles the top of the list, and almost entirely off of Meryl Streep’s performance. She’s gold as the icy, stone-cold boss-woman. Besides that, eh, the movie was OK. I could throw in V for Vendetta in here and be just as satisfied. This was another good movie in the crop of crap. So, I’ll say, take your pick, I really don’t care. If next year produces this type of disappointment, I’ll quit. Dammit.