Snakes on a Plane
Review by Loc

Going into this flick, one only needs to read the title to understand what the movie is gonna deliver: cheap thrills. So why has this B-flick picked up so much steam? That’s a cultural phenomenon that a sociologist should tackle. It could be the coolness factor of Samuel L. Jackson attaching himself to a project not worth the celluloid it’s printed on. Sam Jackson, the baddest badass since his days as Jules in Pulp Fiction, having an inside chuckle by filming a movie about snakes…on a plane. Absurd barely describes the entire idea. Yet, the prospects of Jackson dropping F-bombs as he’s fending off snakes makes for pop culture cotton candy, something you just can’t get enough of until you feel like puking.

So, let us do away with plot synopses, because really, do you need a plot to go see this flick. I will say that the setup to getting on said plane with snakes is the most basic witness-a-murder-so-I-need-police-protection storyline you could imagine. However, this is also one of the major critiques of the film, because setting up this type of scenario shouldn’t take close to a half hour. And if it does, there should be a whole lot of tension building, it better make you want to pee because you’re so giddily waiting for the damn snakes. But nope, you just tread water for a long while before they hop on the deadly plane.

Ah, but when they get on the plane, the pace must pick up, right? Eh, sorta, but not really. It takes another ten minutes before we get to the damn snakes, and if I may channel Samuel L. Jackson for a minute, “some motherf*cker better get to the motherf*cking snakes f*cking soon!” That being said, the snakes make their initial appearance, and when you have the fuzzy green vision of Snake-Cam, you know you have a killer B-movie of the highest quality!

The initial snake onslaught is impressive. Lots of interesting ways to die by snake bites, lots of interesting places to get bitten, too. You get the run-of-the-mill deaths by bitings-till-blue, but those aren’t the fun ones. Let’s just say that mile-high clubbers beware, snakes on your plane will make your little tryst more thrilling than you bargained for in your escapades. Additionally, look twice before using a plane urinal, it can be dangerous in the most extreme manner imaginable.

Once the chaos breaks out, there’s a brief pause, followed by additional snake attacks. There’s some stuff going on in the pilot’s cockpit and in the bowels of the plane as well. And as it all unfolds, you begin to realize that having snakes on a plane is a bad thing, a very bad thing. However, things begin to drag on and Sam Jackson never really let’s loose with his inner BMF. You want to know how to make this flick the best movie ever about deadly snakes on a plane? Put Jules on that plane, holy crap! That would have been a sight to behold. Alas, it was not to be, and Sam Jackson’s limited BMFing leaves you wanting a little more attitude to go along with the absurdity.

If you want more analysis, I suggest you read a different review. This movie is about one thing, snake-induced death on a 747 jumbo jet. Overall, it’s a fun ride, the humor and schlock horror are good for laughs. Yet, the joke runs a bit long, especially with the mind-numbingly slow set-up just to get everyone on the plane. Cut out about 30 minutes and might have an hour-long movie, but at least you don’t feel like you’re sitting there for way too long. Out of the 450 snakes used, Snakes on a Plane slithers away with 270. It’s good, but not great, absurd theater.