Doom
Review by Loc

On a distant planet, something has gone horribly wrong. A human colony has suffered devastating losses and the cause is unknown. A team of highly trained space marines are sent in, determined to find the reason behind the carnage. No, it's not the James Cameron classic Aliens, it's the brand new flick Doom. Based on the highly popular video game, Doom takes first-person-shooter to the silver screen. Quick hit: mindless carnage never seemed so mundane.

Video game movies find themselves in the precarious position that comic book movies seems to have overcome: they are bound to their niche genre. For comic book films, past translations often involved garish costumes, laughable villains, and exotic plots of world domination. Yet, recent adaptations for properties like Spiderman, X-Men, and Batman have left the cheesiness out and brought a more grounded translation to the theaters. On the other hand, video game films have stuck largely to popcorn flick status: low on the characterizations, high on the energy, low on the intelligence, high on the violence. And while Doom tries to avoid that campy schlock, it only manages to do so for the first half of the film.

After building up the suspense for 45 minutes, it just can't help itself to serving up two glaringly bad sequences: the extended first-person-shooter (FPS) scene, and the wire-kung-fu fist-fest. Granted, the FPS sequence is technically sound: the gliding movement, the floating weapon at your side, the sneaking around corners, the retreating fire-fight. All of these moments seem spot on to the game, which should give fans an extended opportunity to geekout. Yet, it is completely contrived, the setup is overexplained, and in the end, it fails to merge seamlessly into the film. Sure, gaming fans will love it, but for those vaguely familiar with the source material, this whole sequence adds nothing but cheesy garishness to the film.

Follow that up with the climatic wire-fu fight scene and you're left with a muddling flick that just sold itself out completely. Will appeal to a certain demographic? Sure, the adolescent 14-year-old who enjoys PC gaming and choreographing Power Ranger fight scenes. Other than that, the audience is left to scratch their head dismissively at another goof-ass video game movie.

Up to that point, Doom plays it mostly straight with a dumbed-down version of Aliens. Seriously, if you're gonna do the exact same story as a James Cameron flick, you really should do it well. Unfortunately, Doom does it with mediocre zest. The band of space marines are all zany characters: the devout-God-fearing soldier, the rookie kid, the badass leader, and the tortured soul. Too bad there's not much zany in any of them, just cardboard cutouts standing in for characterizations. Place these rogues in a creepy, deserted science facility and watch the tension build with the almost-glimpses of the monsters. Or in Doom's case, create a super polished Hollywood set to lessen the illusion of fear, and throw the monsters around without any real suspense. Doom tries to make a decent go of it, but in the end, it's like the second-string quarterback running the struggling offense: if just doesn't do much to inspire its audience.

The ensemble cast is decent. The Rock steps in as Sarge, the commanding officer of the rag-tag bunch. Without a doubt, he's the guy with the most charisma and best persona. Super-stardom eludes the Rock, but with solid performances and likeable charm, it's only a matter of time before he blows up. Unfortunately, Doom will not be the vehicle to send him rocketing. Karl Urban is the tortured soul of the team, and the emotional crux of the plot. His parents were killed on the colony, so his return leaves him even more tortured. Yet, Urban fails to emote much and ends up looking constipated, a far cry from the brooding Eomer he played in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The rest of the no-name cast is serviceable but unspectacular. Like most of the film, they fill the space they were intended to fill, nothing more and nothing less.

Overall, Doom is mediocrity caught on film. It is not horrendous and glaringly bad. Yet, it is not overly entertaining either. Too little suspense, too little action, characters no one cares about, and unimpressive monsters. The special effects are decent and the plot is there, even if it's paper thin. In the end, it delivers some action and fun, but not nearly as much as one might hope. Out of 7 space marines, Doom is doomed to 3 soldiers. Even with the BioForce Gun, known as the BFG, Doom is no BFD, no BioForce Deal.

Note, some people believe the BF in the BFG might stand for something other than BioForce. I'll leave it to you to fill in the blanks.