Biography, Memory log, and How it affects everyone through time:

Alright, where to start?

well I think in order to truly understand the present and be able to make predictions about the future, one must know the past and thus I think the beginning is as good as it's going to get, as who knows what was before... I guess the ultimate goal of this understanding is acceptance, particurally of recent events, and then learning and sharing what ive learned while trying to learn more in what I see as a good way to go about life. I think it's important to understand life and its events not only from my perspective but from others and how I affect theirs and theirs mine. I have been thinking about connectivity a lot recently...

 So yes the beginning; My very first memory is either the smell and waarm feel of the family mulch pile back in our old home. I remember these days and fragments with great pleasure; old fiirework shells being dragged through the kiddy pool while imagining flight, painting rocks with the babysitter, 'big brown' the old pickup truck, pull string powered toy cars in the shallow end of a pool in puerto rico, the wonderfully rough carpet by the fireplace of the house, vhs tapes, the sight of the apple trees, gameboy, and other things lost to the river of time... I remember my parents were just as good then as they are now; not too strict but still fair and never hit me once due to the story that my dad told me of his grandmother and her strict and cruel punishments (washing mouth out with soap wasa the main one i remember, pretty sure the belt was mentioned too but im not sure). I think they remember these times fondly too as it was the dream house they built themselves with some contractor help on a nice 10 acre lot with a big pond. There are a few stories from this time that ive been told. My personal favorite is that my parents had this battery powered baby cradle/swing rocker and then the batteries died and I got so mad/angry that I screamed until I passed out from oxygen loss, when I woke up I apperently haad schoked myself into calmness haha. I know for sure they remember the first chocolate chip story and how I reacted to it, and then the add on to that one of my brother and I working together to reach the cookie bag that they thought they'd placed high enough in the pantry. I do not remember much at all from school from the pre-k grade I attended while I was in the old location. Pretty much my only memory was putting these little golden counting sticks of 10 beads in a line and trying to count as high as possible and maybe Bob books.

So basically my memories up until my parents got new jobs due to institutional and monetary reasons were literally all positive and I think the main reason I dont remember more is because it would appear to be hard to remember constant days of positivity; basically outstanding events, even negative, would stand out more right? Maybe I'm paying for these memories now, who knows? So yeah the family moved into a similar sized but much less acerage house in what has become increasingly subburaban area 20 mins from downtown. Obviously I changed schools and began first grade. This is when my memories become a lot greater in number so I guess Ill try my hardest to hit the highlights in chronological order. What I think is important about this section of my recalled life is that the air of positivity starts to break as I learn more abbout people and the world. Surely the concept of history is strange to a child especially when it is hard to comprehend the full picture of events and yourself even as an adult. Anyway, I digress; I remeember learning to swing and the sheer simple joy of the self created wind, I remember the teacher saying that I need to improve my handwriting and that specifically 'one day i'll thank her', I remember the first girl that expressed interest in me as she passed the innocently small and simple 'I like you, do you like me? circle one: Yes No' and my respons of writing maybe and circling it, I remember  the grey bun of the head teacher and the gold mustang of the other, I remember eating brown sugar and dinosaur egg oatmeal every morning for breakfast, I remember school events like being a noripheroen(sp?) in the play and having India as a country of study, I remember playing yu-gi-oh and marbles with my brother, I remember the bird clock on the wall, I remember listening to the beatles yellow submarine and SRV texas flood, I remember the massive map of the world on the wall of the school and digging a tunnel in the sandpit, I remember a girl named Rose that I liked and we'd play on the playground. Another signigicant memory is doing a 360 off a trampoline and breaking my left arm, hurt like hell and it meant that I couldnt go skiing in austria but i just rose theplastic saucer over these bumps insteada and still had a blast. This leads me to the traveling memories of this time, which I look back on very fondly. Having fondu in the french alps, learning to ski in austria, the sparkling birthday cake with little toy airplanes in it and the extremely complex orange juice squeezer, the way the multi course meals went on and on.

Then at the end of the 3rd grade the extremely small school i went to (like 20 something people) was going to lose the good teachers so the decision was made to transfer me to a private k-12 school

Goals for this page:

vent out my depressed/unmotivated/edgy thoughts and happenings about myself and the world to hopefully gleam some new insight and then maybe even help to improve them both along the journey

im tired of being lonely.

Isolation fights human nature as a socially deoendent animal but yet all one can truly know is oneself

the world has never been a level or fair plaaying field

named it bluekeys after my cherry mx blue switch V80TKL keyboard which is what im typing on right now

and also blue because its how i feel...