Author: Chaos

Note: This was a point of view exercise for a creative writing class. My friends were amused, though I never actually turned it in. I found something else to give the teacher, since this one didn't turn out to fit the bill as well as I had imagined that it would.



Yes, yes, I know what you�re going to say, I�ve heard it all before, but the truth remains nonetheless. No one can see him, not even me, but that doesn�t mean that he�s not there.

I ignore him as best I can. I simply go on reading or working or whatever I happen to be doing when he tries to engage me in conversation, that�s not too hard. His loud singing at night no longer bothers me and serves to drown out the noise of the idiots next door who leave the vid on all night. It�s when he knocks things over, or interrupts my dinner parties that dealing with him becomes unavoidable.

What was that? Oh, well, I first noticed him about six months ago. It started out as a sort of absent minded humming when I cleaned the house, but I don�t hum. That was it for a little while, but he progressed from there to singing while I was in the shower in the mornings before work. That was disconcerting, let me tell you. Anyway, soon he was making comments about my fashion sense, or lack there of if you listen to him, and trying to give me cooking advice while I prepared dinner. What really bugged me for the longest time was his snide little comments about my friends when I had them over for coffee and cake or an all night movie bash or something like that.

Hmm? Oh, no, I tried to catch glimpses of whoever was playing this awful prank on me. I would ask my friends if they heard things, but they never did unless he was being really rude and wanted them to hear. He seems to delight in being quiet so they won�t hear, just to drive me nuts you understand. It took me a couple of weeks to realize that, yes, there was something there, it was just invisible.

How�s that? No, the hover engine for my car is a little cranky in the mornings so I have to let it warm up a bit before I leave the parking level, but I haven�t had any accidents. No, I haven�t slipped recently and I certainly haven�t hit my head. No, no medications and I don�t drink or do drugs, so don�t bother asking about that.

Well, I can�t think of a single reason why he�d want to hang out at my place, it�s not that big and the neighborhood is starting to go down hill. I�m just glad that he doesn�t follow me to work or the gym. That would just be too much and I�d definitely have to talk to a priest or a professional spiritualist about getting rid of him, they just tend to be a bit pricey and I am saving up so I can get my engine fixed and maybe move to a better apartment or even a duplex out in the suburbs. Too much crime in the city, don�t you agree?

Don�t get me wrong, he�s not all bad. He sings on key now and only tips things off the shelves if he knows I�m planning on cleaning soon. To tell the truth, before he showed up I was thinking of getting a cat to keep me company, but now that seems kind of redundant. Besides, I don�t think he�d react too well to a cat in the house. In fact, the only times he acts out now are when I have men over. Then he becomes positively childish, knocking our dishes onto the floor while we�re trying to eat, changing the channel on the radio or fiddling with the volume. If that doesn�t do it he starts whispering some of the most salacious things in my ear when I�m trying to listen to how lawyers have been genetically proven to be members of the shark family or to how hard it is to get just the right mixture of spices in a rice pilaf and how did I do it. I just don�t know what to do with him at times like that.

Well, no, it wasn�t my idea to come see you. One of my friends gave me your number and suggested that I come talk to you. I must say that it has been refreshing to be able to get it all off my chest as it were. It was sort of building up on me and now I realize that if I hadn�t talked to someone about it I probably would have woken up screaming one morning and not been able to stop till they came to sedate me and lock me up. I do want to thank you for being such a good listener, though I guess that�s why you�re in this business in the first place. I just don�t see how you can do much more to help me unless you know of a good, cheap spiritualist? No? Well, it was a thought. Again, thank you for your time and have a nice day.