Obi-Wan lay sprawled on his back.

Fire.

There was a fire�somewhere.

He could feel the heat. Smell the smoke reaching out to choke him with long, billowing grey arms. In a futile gesture, he tried to beat the smoke away with his hands.

�Padawan Kenobi?� Asked Toms in puzzlement. �What are you doing?�

Obi-Wan�s fear began to rise. The children were in danger.

�Everyone get back!� He yelled, wide-eyed. �Can�t you see the smoke?�

The children looked around. There was nothing.

�Err...I can�t see anything.� Isadora hesitated.

�Me neither!� Squeaked Sabra-Ni.

�Take cover!� Obi-Wan insisted. �Down on the ground. All of you! It�s easier to breathe down there��

The kids exchanged looks.

�Just DO it!� Yelled Kenobi.

What the heck, thought Isadora. Humor him. Clearly, the thought of impending fatherhood has pushed him right over the edge. She waved her fellow initiates down.

�What�s wrong?� Kelda Rosset asked in astonishment.

�He�s reached rock bottom and started to dig, that�s what�s wrong.� Grumbled Isadora. �I blame that stupid Corellian. He was fine before she turned up.�

�I think she�s pretty.� Toms said.

Isadora stuck her nose in the air. �You would. You�re only a BOY. I s�pose she�s alright, if you like the obvious look.�

�You�re just jealous, you�re just jealous!� sang Toms.

�I am NOT jealous of that�that THING!� Isadora raged.

�Yes you are!�

�You take that back!�

�Will not!�

Isadora launched herself at the little boy, knocking him off his feet. Within moments, a chant of �fight, fight!� had gone up amongst the initiates, and a circle was quickly formed amongst the two combatants.

Sabra-Ni looked solemnly at Kelda.

�She doesn�t learn does she.� She said precociously.

�Learn? If she were any slower learning you�d have to water her twice a week.� Kelda agreed, before turning to watch what was on balance a very un-evenly matched fight. Toms was a head and a bit shorter than Isadora, but what he lacked in size he more than made up for in enterprise. He waited until she had him in a body hold, and then produced a pair of jack-scissors from his robe.

When she had let him go, he was left standing proudly holding a mass of blonde ringlets in his hand no longer attached to their former owner.

Isadora let out a scream that could be heard all over Coruscant.

�Who�s prettier now, then?� He asked innocently.

*******

An-Paj was beginning to wonder if they�d ever find their intended quarry. Yoda seemed to know where to head for. The number of times he�d been prodded in the side by that stick�

�Where to now, Master Yoda?� Enquired An-Paj in exasperation.

�Hmmm.� Yoda closed his eyes as the transport began to slow. He searched the currents of the force until he found the presence of the ones he sought.

�Right!� He exclaimed suddenly, hitting An-Paj on the arm with his stick. �Right!�

�Thank you, Master. The instruction was perfectly clear the first time.�

Rubbing his bruised arm, An-Paj sneaked a glance at Yoda. That gleam was back in his eye. And An-Paj didn�t think it would bode well for anyone.

�Over that hill.� Yoda thrust his stick to the side, nearly taking off An-Paj�s ear.

I wish he wouldn�t do that, the healer thought.

�Far our padawans are not. Walk, we shall.� Yoda decided, after they had reached the hill. He poked An-Paj in the leg, wielding the wooden implement as expertly as if it were a lightsabre.

If he goes on like this, I�m not going to be able to walk anywhere, An-Paj seethed quietly. He helped Yoda out of the transport. What did your last servant die of, he wondered morosely?

Something infectious, hopefully.

As they crawled along the path that led towards the Gurnaf enclosure, An-Paj found himself smiling.

�It�ll be a change not to have to deal with Obi-Wan, for a once. He�s been in my charge so often that we were thinking renaming one of the wards after him.�

�Hmmm.� Muttered Yoda. �Spoken too soon, I fear you have.�

�What�s wrong?� An-Paj asked curiously.

Yoda said nothing. He merely picked up his stick.

�Forwards.� He said. The blow missed An-Paj by the narrowest of margins.

Sith, thought An-Paj, how did Qui-Gon ever survive long enough to become a Jedi Knight?

*******

�Simeon!� shouted Obi-Wan. �You�re on fire!�

The padawan turned round. There were flames on his back. And on his precious padawan braid. In desperation, he started to roll about the ground, trying to smother the flames. The fire was surrounding them. It made Obi-Wan want to retch.

He took off his robe, and started to beat the flames off his friend. It was working, slowly.

�Sith!� yelped Simeon. �This is a wonderful way to round off a really bad day!�

�Hold still!� Obi-Wan screamed.

�Don�t just wave that cloak like you were a professional Nargot fighter! All your doing is fanning the flames!� Panic was just about to set in.

�I can hardly see,� Obi-Wan yelled through the phantom flames, �the smoke�s so thick!�

Unaware of the strange looks the two were drawing from passers by, the hallucinating padawans continued to roll on the ground, until they felt the flames had been extinguished from their bodies. All around them the imaginary fire raged.

�There�s an automatic extinguisher by the enclosure,� Obi-Wan said in an unnecessarily loud voice, �I�ll go fetch it. You stay and try to put out the flames!�

Obi-Wan fought his way through the non-existent fire. Qui-Gon would be proud at the way he had got the kids to safety so swiftly, jeopardizing himself in the process like the Jedi he was. Extinguisher�ah. There it was!

*******

An-Paj grimaced as they rounded the corner. The sight he saw was even worse than what he expected. A large circle of initiates was having a set-to by the bench. An impossibly green Simeon Cates was rolling on his back, in classic hallucinatory stage of Sandolomide poisoning. And somewhere nearby should be�

He scanned the area quickly with his eyes-

Just in time to see Padawan Kenobi charging across the grass armed with a pressure extinguisher.

�Master Yoda!� He yelled. �Get down!�

Yoda opened his eyes as wide as they could, but that was all he had time for before Obi-Wan threw his cloak on top of him, pushing him to the ground. Obi-Wan tried valiantly to extinguish the fire that was threatening to engulf the small Jedi Master.

�Kenobi!� An-Paj shouted. �What do you think you�re doing.�

�Putting out the fire.� Obi-Wan replied deliriously.

�Mphh!� came the indignant but muffled reply from Yoda, trying to fend Obi-Wan off with his stick. But Obi-Wan was determined to save him.

He ripped the cloak back from the half-suffocated master and deftly depressed the lever on the extinguisher. A jet of foam shot out from the pointed nozzle.

It took less than fifteen seconds before all that was left to be seen was a Yoda �shaped mound of white. His stick hung uselessly by the side.

�Done it!� Kenobi said with pleasure, before passing out once more.

You certainly have, thought An-Paj, torn between the unconscious padawan and the unmoving master. He looked towards Simeon in the hope of an explanation. �Where is Master Jinn?�

�Gone.� Simeon groaned. �He�s run off with Jemmiah. Can�t say I blame him. Must be the boots.�

�Boots?�

Simeon closed his eyes. �Panic�s over everyone. Fire�s out. Master Jinn�s run off with Kenobi�s girlfriend, somewhere. Oh, an� she�s having a baby. Didn�t know that did you?� He smiled to nobody in particular, as a low began to cancel out the high. �It�s all down to the boots.� Simeon folded his arms behind his head as a pillow.

What! An-Paj thought. Qui-Gon and Jemmiah? No. Absolutely not. Never.

His bruised leg began to ache. Too late to help Simeon and Obi-Wan. It was a definite stomach pump job for both of them when they got back. He turned to the stunned and still unmoving Yoda.

�MASTER!� An-Paj said urgently. �Say something!�

�Pfhtt.� Said Yoda.

*******

The first indication that things were going even worse than Qui-Gon has anticipated came when he realized Jemmiah could no longer walk in a straight line. Her face was a mixture of intense concentration and confusion at her sudden inability to accomplish the mechanics of placing one leg in front of the other. Every so often, she would stumble, and Qui-Gon would do his best to catch her. She was looking more than a little glazed and he was getting more than a little worried�

�Master Jinn?� She sighed. �My legs don�t work any more. Why is that, do you think?�

�Because you�re �Molassed� as you Corellians so quaintly put it.� Qui-Gon tried to get her to walk forwards instead of sideways.

�Oh. How did that happen? I don�t remember. I always remember when I get slammed.� Her eyes seemed to cross for a moment or two, before she steadied herself.

�Because you were drinking some form of alcohol. Is it all coming flooding back now?� Qui-Gon replied irritably.

�No.�

�Then let me refresh your memory.� Qui-Gon attempted to steer her to the left when she was about to veer off in the wrong direction. �Simeon Cates had a flask containing Sith knows what. At some point not only you but my idiot apprentice both took a drink.�

A huge grin spread across Jemmiah�s face.

�Simeon. Yeah, I remember. He�s a naughty boy, that one.�

Qui-Gon blinked. �Pardon?�

�Hmm. D�you know, he turned up to my sixteenth birthday celebration last year wearing just a smile and a long, pink feather boa?�

Qui-Gon did not want to dwell on that image.

�At least Obi-Wan wouldn�t dare try that.� Qui-Gon said through gritted teeth.

�No. You�re right.�

�Pleased to hear it.�

Pause.

�He wore a blue one.�

�What!�

�Uh-huh.� Nodded Jemmiah enthusiastically. �He wore a bigger one to match his smile.� She grinned.

Qui-Gon was stunned. �Who else was at this party?�

�Myself.� Jemmiah bit her lip, trying to recall the details. �Ben� Simeon� Jay Abran� Bai� Welasa�Kryztan�V�Aladee��

�All MALES.� Qui-Gon remarked, his tone acidic.

�Yeah.� She smirked.

�Anyone else?�

�Err�let�s see.� She thought for a moment. �Master Windu.�

�Mace!�

�He helped organize it. With Jay and Ben.�

Qui-Gon shook his head. �I�m beginning to see a new side to Master Windu.� He said archly.

�Yeah. So did we. He showed us that really weird tattoo on his��

�Keep going!� Qui-Gon almost swept her onwards.

Jemmiah groaned. �I feel so strange. I�m not sure if I can��

�Just try putting your left foot in front of your right.� snapped Jinn.

She looked at him; large rounded pools of copper staring up in optimism. �I don�t s�pose you could carry me?�

He raised an eyebrow. �You are just trying to take advantage of my good nature.�

�It�s a pain in the rear isn�t it? People are always trying to take advantage of me, too.�

�Yes, well in your case they succeed.�

His meaning managed to sink through the Sandolomide-induced haze, and she looked at him, hurt. Qui-Gon regretted what he had said, but did not retract his statement.

She glanced away. �I hate myself.� She said.

�I�m sure you�ll get over it.� Qui-Gon replied.

�No.� Facing him once again, Jemmiah seemed to sober a little. �I�ve always hated myself.�

�That�s the drink talking.�

Glaring, she tried to stagger away from him. �I�m going home.�

�Don�t be silly. You�ll never find your way back to your apartment in that state.� Qui-Gon made a lunge for her arm, but she tried to push him away. Instead, her elbow connected sharply with his other cheekbone. Sith, thought Qui-Gon as he put his hand to his eye. Now he would have a matching bruise to explain away. In that short amount of time Jemmiah had staggered several paces up the path, and Qui-Gon bounded after her.

�I�m going back to Corellia.� She spat. �That�s what everyone wants, isn�t it? I�m just a problem that nobody wants.�

�That�s not true and you know it.� Qui-Gon replied.

�If you�d left me on Nargotria all those years ago then the problem would have gone away.�

�I couldn�t do that.�

�Why not?� She yelled, tears back in her eyes once more, �I had to abandon everyone. I left them like a coward.�

�I could only take one person.� Qui-Gon swallowed, reliving the moment again. �They told me to take you�you were the youngest�you had your whole life ahead of you.�

�They all died because of me!�

�That�s not true.� Qui-Gon tried desperately to convince her.

She closed her eyes, composing herself.

�Do you remember Nadine?� She asked.

Qui-Gon nodded, picturing the middle aged Corellian woman with the graying hair and ready, affectionate smile.

�The last thing she said to me before I left was to make sure that I live my life to the full, and make sure I experience all the things that she and the others would not be able to.� Her voice broke a fraction. �And that�s what I�ve been trying to do. Every day.�

She stared at him again. �Now do you see.�

Qui-Gon did see. What he had once put down to mischievous ill-discipline or attention seeking antics were her own way of justifying her existence; an attempt to carry out the last wishes of a friend.

�That�s no way to live your life.� Qui-Gon said softly.

She shrugged. �It�s the only way I know. I was telling the truth, you know. There are times when I find it very difficult to like myself.�

The Jedi Master ruffled her hair. �Then it�s just as well that everyone else does.�

She considered that. �I don�t expect you to understand.� She frowned. �It�s as if�I�ve always felt that I�m on borrowed time. That I was meant to die with the others on Nargotria.� She spoke resignedly. �I still feel that Merdan is going to find me. And kill me. I�ve never doubted it.�

The statement left Qui-Gon cold.

�That�s not going to happen.�

�Yes it will.� She smiled sadly. �You see, I�m a loose end. Merdan doesn�t like those.�

�Merdan wouldn�t dare.� Qui-Gon said hotly. �Not on Coruscant.�

�But what about Corellia?� She replied.

Qui-Gon had no answer. He watched her turn away and try to stagger a few paces forward.

�We�re never going to get to Kylenn at this rate.� Qui-Gon said, sweeping her up off her feet, and holding her as if she were a child. Despite her robust appearance, she weighed surprisingly little.

�Thanks.� She muttered, closing her eyes. �I don�t think I could manage that hill by myself.�

�But only until we�ve passed the hill.� Smiled the Jedi.

�Sure.� She yawned. There was a minute�s silence and then she said, �I�m sorry I ever called you �Frosty� now.�

�Is that right?� Qui-Gon replied dryly.

�It wasn�t my idea. It was Master Windu that started it��

�Did he indeed?� Jinn grimaced.

A thought occurred to him.

�Jemmiah?�

�Yeah?� She was beginning to drift off in his arms.

�Might I enquire as to what Master Windu was wearing at this party of yours?�

She scrunched her face up in thought.

�Well, let�s just say you might not want to use your oven glove again.�

*******

Jay Abran breathed a deep sigh of relief. It had taken over an hour, but he�d finally lost the little monsters.

It occurred to him that the whole exercise in bringing the initiates to the zoo was that they stayed with their padawans and didn�t get lost, but he couldn�t bring himself to care. Despite being fit, he was out of breath, leaning as he was against the tiled wall inside a fresher cubical. Perspiration lay in beads upon his brow, which he wiped on his sleeve. Panting, he tried to recover himself with the aid of the force. Damn Sithlings! It had been such a good day until then...

He groaned, putting a hand to his ribs. A stitch was never a pleasant thing to have. Nevermind, he thought optimistically, the Force would soon help him put that right. He breathed deeply, drawing on the living force, feeling the healing energy flow through him. He directed it to his painful side, and then breathed out noisily. The relief he felt at out running that pack of cannoid wannabe�s was immense, and he found himself shaking just a little. Phew! It had been close.

He�d lost them in the park by relying on his superior reading of the force, and had taken shelter inside the nearest cubical he could find. He let out another groan. Qui-Gon would mince him for this.

Still breathing heavily, Abran wandered out from his private stall into the wash area, and found his jaw hanging down in utter shock. There, facing directly opposite him was �

A large group of women.

What?!!! Screamed Abran inwardly. What were these ladies, of mixed age and varying degrees of attractiveness, doing inside the men�s facilities? And then he got it.

HE was in the ladies fresher room.

The gulp he gave was audible.

�Afternoon, ladies.� Abran smiled shakily, �I�m sorry to barge in on your�er�private facilities, but you see��

�He�s a sex pest!� The oldest pointed at him. �Why else would he be in here? He�s waiting to pounce on unsuspecting women when they�re at their most vulnerable!�

�No, no!� Abran tried to reassure them, whilst trying to put as much distance as possible between himself and his opposition, �I wouldn�t do that. I�m a Jedi.�

�I don�t care if you�re Chancellor Valorum! I still say you�re a sex fiend!�

�Yeah!� Chorused the four other women. �He�s probably one of those stalkers you read about on the Holonet!�

�No, honestly,� Abran started to edge towards the door, �I AM a Jedi. Really. You see, I�ve just come from the woods��

�The woods?!� Shouted old and ugly, her face contorting with outrage, �The perfect place for an ambush!�

�You don�t understand,� Jay argued hoarsely, �The children were��

�Children!� Shrieked one of the other women, �He�s one of those molesters.�

�I AM NOT!� Abran tried to defend himself.

�Then why all the heavy breathing? We heard you in there, mister, panting and groaning away like a Bantha in the rutting season.� Growled one of the younger ones.

�Yeah. Weirdo!� Shouted another, preparing to hit him with her bag.

�No, I�ve been running!�

�From the security men, no doubt!� Hissed the old hag.

�Look,� retorted Abran, getting a little annoyed, �Why should anyone want to attack you? Frankly, I wouldn�t molest you if you were the last human female in the galaxy, and before that I�d sooner take up molesting Nerf�s�

It wasn�t the brightest thing in the world for him to say at that moment, he thought, as they descended on him in unison. As he fell beneath an onslaught of handbags and cuddly, stuffed Gundark souvenirs, Jay Abran pondered why ladies always seemed to retreat to the fresher in groups�