Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


~~~~~~~


The fire alarms startled Simeon, who was in the middle of removing his left boot.

"Come on!" Obi-Wan exclaimed, gesturing toward the fire exit behind them. "We've gotta get out of here!"

"What! Like this?!?" Asked Kylenn, pointing at their missing clothes.

"We don't have much of a choice!" Kenobi replied, looking at the flames as Hmiol ran up to them.

"What a drink!" He said, grinning.

*******

Lilith and Krelo were enjoying free drinks at the Angel's Flight when one of the more obviously smashed young padawans tottered up to the bar, his attention diverted from the bartender by another patron passing him.

The two women were watching with amused interest at his fumbling attempts to set his unsteady hands on the bar's surface. The young man pointed shakily at the drinker who'd just ambled past and mumbled something low and slurred that neither knight nor smuggler could hear.

"20 creds says he doesn't make it half-way back to his table," Lilith stated firmly.

"I'll take that," Krelo jumped on the offer. "We Jedi are made of stern stuff," she added with a jokingly superior attitude.

They watched as the flaming drink was passed across the bar's surface by a tender who has hard pressed to with hold a snicker. Lilith was watching smugly. If he didn't pass out cold, he'd surely trip over his own feet long before he made it back to the table he'd come from.

Krelo was also amused, but a sudden feeling of dread washed over her and she straightened on her stool.

"Lil-" she started to warn her friend, but it was too late, the flames were already spreading.

"Time to bail, Rei'ch!" Lilith shouted over the tumult.

"But, shouldn't we hel-"

"No! Save your own butt, then see about saving someone else's." But Lilith had already betrayed her not-so-callousness by grabbing the first bar patron she could reach who hadn't moved immediately and jerking him out of his chair. With a shove she sent him on his way, and repeated the gesture with anyone that lay in her path to the doorway, Krelo mimicking her slightly to her right.

Both women made it out before the smoke got too thick to make breathing difficult and Krelo glanced back behind her, reassured to see the last few stragglers only a few steps from the exit.

A sudden strong grip on her shoulder turned the knight around, her heart pounding, already reaching deep into the Force to help whoever Lilith had caught sight of. The bleached-blonde's laughter stopped her cold.

"Kre, get a load of that!" she exclaimed and pointed to a group of padawans, most in a shocking state of undress hurrying into their clothes. "Strip Sabacc, or I'm a one-eyed Malastarian." she managed between gasping breaths.

�Sith! What do we do now!� Simeon screamed above the wail of sirens and klaxons. The sprinkler system had come on very quickly, but with so much flammable liquid on the site it had proven a fruitless exercise. The whole building had shot up in a mass of flames and billowing black smoke within minutes. Flashing lights heralded the arrival of the emergency services, whilst outside people were being marshaled away from the scene of the incident.

Leona looked about her in desperation. They were standing amidst a mixture of frightened and curious onlookers who were blocking her view of the group she had been with earlier.

�What happened to Dimallie!� She grabbed hold of Simeon insistently, almost shaking him.

�Tanni Welasa and Ocen-Bai Talz got her out.� He pointed through the crowd to where the head of the tall Togorian could just be made out. �See? Over there��

Leona�s first reaction was of immense relief, tempered by consternation. �Why is she wearing only her slip and trouser bottoms?� She demanded.

�Er�pass!� Simeon coughed.

The smoke was still billowing across the road, the acrid fumes biting into their lungs with every breath. �Did everyone get out?� Leona was almost in tears, but whether it was with the smoke or through realizing what a near call it had been, she couldn�t say.

�I�I don�t know.� Simeon found himself shaking a little.

He looked up at the dark, angry cloud that poured itself upward into the sky. It was so dark now that it seemed that night had been hastened into premature appearance. �Hell, I hope so.� He muttered.

*******

Qui-Gon was becoming frantic with worry. All the masters were trying to locate their padawans. Some, like Master Berlingside, had found their apprentice almost immediately. Qui-Gon looked over at his friend and could sense the man�s relief.

He himself had no such comfort. Had Obi-Wan been in that Cantina? He had to find out.

A tearful Ambianca was being consoled by an equally emotional Sal-Fina. Qui-Gon spared a brief moment considering that his ex was perhaps not quite the monster that he portrayed her as.

All he could see around him was total chaos. He pulled on the force, reaching�searching. Where was his padawan?

[Come on, Obi-Wan. Why don�t you answer me?]

He was met by an almost instant response from very nearby.

[Master!]

Thank the Force, thought Qui-Gon.

[Stay where you are padawan, I�ll come and find you.]

[Yes, Master.] The voice in Qui-Gon�s head sounded both troubled and relieved.

Jinn wheeled round, only to run into someone�s back. The figure turned about. �Obi-Wan!� Qui-Gon couldn�t help clasp a hand to the young man�s shoulder. His padawan flinched slightly, and even amidst all the turmoil Jinn could guess why. �Don�t worry, Obi-Wan. There�ll be time enough to murder you for your disobedience tomorrow.� He said, although his tone held only relief.

�I�ll almost look forward to it after all this.� Kenobi gasped.

�Is Jemmiah with you?� Qui-Gon asked.

�She was.� Kenobi looked back to the burning building. �We got separated�I don�t know where she is.�

Qui-Gon followed his gaze to the ruinous frame of the Cantina. �Oh, please no,� he muttered.

*******

�An-Paj!� Meri called, waving him over. �Is everyone OK?�

�Everyone that I�ve seen so far has got out with only minor smoke inhalation.� The healer said. �With the rather unfortunate exception of Fin-Tial, who received an alcohol burn to, er�shall we say a rather delicate and somewhat apt part of his anatomy.�

Meri spared a weary laugh.

�Simeon!� An-Paj called out to his assistant. �How are you?�

The young man waved back. �I�m fine.�

�Why are you missing your cloak?�

�I lost it in the fire.� He mumbled.

�And why have you only got one boot?�

�I lost that in the fire, too.� He sighed.

�Uh-huh.� An-Paj considered. �And why has Hmiol only got his tunic trousers?�

�He lost them in a game of strip Spin-the-bottle.� Simeon coughed.

�You are going to be scrubbing the freshers out for the next half year, you do realize that.� An-Paj stated, before giving the padawan a surprise hug. �See if you can be of assistance to anyone. I heard Adi-Gallia say that Mace Windu had managed to scorch his head a bit.� He stopped to look the young man. �And you can take that smirk off your face.�

�What smirk?�

�The one that�s hiding at the corner�s of your mouth. Scram!� He smiled.

*******

The padawans had begun to collect into a huddle. Sybelle and Letina were standing beside Griff, and Jodi and Jay Abran were talking in animated fashion to the security chief and occasional pointing an accusative finger in the direction of a distinctly unsteady Hmiol. Dimallie sat, still smiling, with Kylenn and Leona trying to persuade her leaden legs to move, without much success.

Qui-Gon took this all in at a glance, and his throat tightened when he couldn�t see Jemmiah amongst the group.

�Leona might have seen her.� Obi-Wan swallowed, hoping against hope that he was correct.

Qui-Gon made his way over to the healer, who was checking her padawan for any serious damage. She frowned on seeing him, even during this crisis her annoyance at being bawled out in front of the others surfaced momentarily. The look in his eye persuaded her to change her mind.

�Have you seen Jemmiah.� He asked calmly, yet obviously concerned.

�I�m sorry,� she shook her head, �I don�t remember seeing her�� she let her voice trail off and reached her hand out and impulsively grabbed his arm. �I�m sure she�s alright.� The man was worried, she thought. Very worried. Her earlier anger had disappeared completely. �I�ll ask An-Paj. He might know something.�

�Thank you.� Qui-Gon mumbled, glancing over at his distraught padawan. No, now was not the time for lectures.

�Master Jinn,� smiled Leona, nodding behind him.

Qui-Gon half turned, only to see An-Paj appear, with Jemmiah in tow.

�I managed to round up this one,� he indicated the soot stained figure, �as she seemed to be somewhat concerned about your good self and your padawan.�

�Thank the stars.� Qui-Gon shook his head.

She stood there with a somewhat apologetic look on her face, round eyes shining from a begrimed visage. In her hands she carried what seemed to be a small bundle of fur.

�Where have you been!� Kenobi exploded.

Jemmiah looked surprised. She had expected to be shouted at, but not by him. She held aloft the little hairy animal, which turned out to be some sort of canine. �Somebody lost a dog.� She said. �I couldn�t just leave it there.�

�You went back in for a dog!� Obi-Wan�s mouth fell open.

�It would have died!� She snapped. �I can�t believe anyone would just leave it like that.�

�But it�s just a�� Kenobi began.

�Yeah, I know. Just a pathetic lifeform. Is that what you called me when I first came from Nargotria?� she pouted.

�No!� He hissed.

Qui-Gon held up his hand to quell the argument. �I don�t know about you two,� he said looking backwards and forwards between them, �but I need a drink.�

They stared at him.

�You DO?� Jemmiah said.

�Now more than ever. I suggest we follow the others to the One For The Road and proceed to get legless. What say you?�

�Qui-Gon, this girl has a concussion��

�And I�m going to take her back to the infirmary.� He nodded at An-Paj, noting Jemmiah�s disappointment. �But I�m going to make sure she gets a drink first. I�d say she�s deserved it.�

For once in his life, An-Paj was speechless.

Jinn winked at Leona. �Come on padawan,� he said, shoving his bewildered apprentice down the street. �It�s at times like these that you realize what you risk losing.�

�Master?�

�In other words Obi-Wan, let�s get VERY, seriously and completely drunk.�

*******

�I AM KNACKERED!� Jemmiah sighed as she lowered herself into the seat.

�You have expressed my sentiments entirely, if in somewhat more Corellian fashion.� Qui-Gon replied as he also sat down. The little group of reunited padawans and masters had made their bedraggled way to the One For The Road and were now sitting by the bar, attempting to drain the little Cantina of all its resources in as short a time as possible.

Qui-Gon looked at the girl, and stared at her eyes, as if searching for a weakness. �The second you feel remotely dizzy, you get sent back.� He looked away, closing the matter.

�Yes. Thank you.� Jemmiah looked surprised.

�Then we�ll say no more about it.�

She smiled in relief.

�Until tomorrow.� He added.

This time Leona grinned. �Who wants what to drink?� She asked, looking at Dimallie as she sat snoring in the corner of the room.

�I�ll have what. A glass of what will do me fine.� Jemmiah replied.

�Me too.� Kenobi repeated. �Three whats and a Ginger and Lime cordial for the dog rescuer here.�

�Make that three bottles of Fire Scorch.� Qui-Gon said. The others stared at him in amazement. �I came here to get drunk. I told you. If you decided to follow me at your own pace that�s up to you.� He spotted Mace, who was sporting a wet cloth on his shiny head. There was something he really needed to talk to him about.

�I�ll get these.� Qui-Gon said to his three companions. �Stay out of trouble for five minutes, can you?� He raised an eyebrow in the direction of his padawan. He knew that look of old. It said: �Make hay while the sun shines, because tomorrow you WILL die. Very horribly.�

�Thanks, Master.� Obi-Wan lowered his eyes respectfully.

When he had gone, Kenobi put his arms around Jemmiah�s waist once more. �You didn�t really go back in for that dog, did you?�

�Of course.� She sniffed, offended. �Well, that and the holocam. I gave it to Letina before An-Paj hauled me to my certain doom.�

�You saved the cam.� Kenobi stated.

�Of course.� She grinned. �There�s already a lot of good stuff on it. There�s the whole strip spin the bottle thing, the Sabacc deathmatch, Hmiol setting that old lady on fire�and other things.� Jemmiah smiled at the memory of the shopping trip earlier.

�Other things?� Obi-Wan queried.

�Uh-huh!� She looked about. �I need some fresh air. Want to join me?� She nodded her head through to the ground level and into the small, ornamental garden area at the back.

�My master will kill us if he finds out.� Obi-Wan shook his head.

He thought about it.

�He�s already going to kill us. How much more trouble can an individual get into in one day?� He smiled.

�Let�s go before we�re missed.�

*******

�Mace.� Jinn hissed. �I need a word.�

�Ooooh, my head!� Windu groaned. �I hope this is good, whatever it is.�

�It�s�kind of embarrassing.� He muttered.

�Oh? Speak up then. I like embarrassing things.� He rubbed his hands together.

�Do you think my padawan�s the kind of person who would, how shall I say it, cross dress?�

Mace threw his head back and howled. �Obi-Wan Kenobi! In girls clothes?� He screamed in glee. �Mother of stars! What on Coruscant makes you think that? No way, Qui. He just doesn�t have the hips!�

Qui-Gon produced the pair of stockings from his pocket.

�Oh.� Mace looked flustered.

�Oh indeed.� Jinn frowned. �What do I do?�

�Buy him a garter to hold it up with.� Windu replied. �So the kid�s wearing Jemmiah�s clothes. So what. He comes back wearing her lipgloss often enough!�

�That�s not funny!�

�I think I could see him in fishnets, if I really closed my eyes and imagined.�

Qui-Gon glared.

�Maybe not.� Mace backtracked.

******* �Look!� Simeon pointed up at the holo screen on the cantina wall. �It�s a report about the fire!�

All the masters and padawans stopped their individual conversations to look at the images being broadcast round Coruscant as they watched. It showed Footage of the emergency services tackling the blaze, and then a large amount of close-ups of the temple gathering outside the burning remains of the building.

�Yoda�s not going to be happy.� An-Paj said dryly to Dex Berlingside.

�Do you think he�ll notice?� Hmiol asked.

Two dozen eyes turned to stare at the individual responsible for the blaze.

�I�d take that as a yes.� Simeon replied.

*******

Padawan Garos Hmiol, who was now quite sober, stared back at them. One thought ran through his head. Why did I go? Why did go? Why...

He had burnt down a bar. If Master Yoda didn't kill him, the bill would. And what would Master Biwo say?

"Oh, hell." he muttered. "I need another drink."

As long as I'm dead anyway... He thought, grinning, Might as well make it a night to remember. Or to remember me by.

Within ten minutes, Hmiol was intoxicated again. Not enough to make him speak like Yoda (Yet) but just enough to give everything a happy edge. He was going to be grilled by the masters anyway, and probably transferred to the life of a Jedi Farmer, so tonight he could do...whatever he wanted. He could insult some big, surly alien. He could dump his drink on someone, probably Simeon. He could burn down THIS bar. The possibilities were endless. He smiled. The first and last night of fun in his life was about to begin.

*******

�Isn�t it a coincidence?� Kenobi smirked.

�What is?�

�That you managed to find the one Cantina in the area that has an outdoor garden.�

�Lots of undergrowth.� Jemmiah nodded.

�Plenty of space for a person to be unnoticed for a while.� Obi-Wan smiled.

�And so we will.� She replied. �But you�ll just have to dampen your ardor for a few minutes more.� Obi-Wan frowned.

�What are you up to, hmm?� He questioned her.

Jemmy returned his gaze. �Why does EVERYONE assume I�m always up to something?�

�Because you always are.� Obi-Wan answered, slipping his hands round her. �Why don�t we play �kiss, cuddle or torture?� I like that one.�

�That�s �coz I always let you win!� Jemmiah shook her head. �I�m going to place a call through to an old school friend of mine. There�s a little idea I�ve had kicking around in my head since this morning for a bit of a lark. I�m going to go set it up.�

�Don�t be long!� Hissed Kenobi. �My master will realize we�ve both gone soon. And think the worst.�

�And be right.� Muttered Jemmiah. �OK, handsome. Find yourself a nice spot in the bushes and I�ll be back as soon as I�ve talked to my friend.�

Obi-Wan smiled to himself.

It wasn�t too much to ask, was it? Some time alone with his girlfriend? The way his master carried on you�d think he�d never been young.

He sighed irritably and grabbed at a clump of plant stems that were in his path. He let go very quickly when he found out it had lots of thorns. Then he brushed a large overhanging branch from out of his face, only to bring down a large amount of water on his head. Damn!

Finding himself a nice, relatively dry spot, he settled in to wait�

*******

�Ah, Jemmiah.� Qui-Gon said, placing a hand on her arm. She spun around in shock.

�You gave me such a fright!� She gasped, her hand on her heart.

�Why, what have you been up to?� The master frowned.

�That�s not fair.� Jemmy pouted. �Everyone says I�m up to something!�

�And you are.� He replied, looking about. �Where�s my padawan?�



�Err�he�s getting some fresh air.� Qui-Gon nodded.

�When he comes back, tell him his drink is waiting for him on the bar.� He gave her a final cautious glance before stalking off towards Healer Leona�

Well, she thought, things seemed to be progressing nicely there. Which is more than could be said for her own rendezvous with Obi-Wan�

She took one hesitant step towards the garden before a drunken Kryztan Harkley made an effort to drag her back towards the bar. Sorry, Ben, she thought. I have to see my prank through to the end, anyway. It shouldn�t take too much longer.

Casting a last fleeting glance backwards, she reluctantly allowed herself to be escorted by Kryztan towards her drink.

*******

Kenobi sat and waited.

And waited.

Come on, Jemmy, he thought. Where are you? It wasn�t that the undergrowth by the old permacrete blocks was unpleasant to sit amongst. Just that he�d expected not to be on his own� He could tell he wasn�t the only one out in the garden. He didn�t know who it was, only that there were two of them, and neither of them was Jemmiah. And by the sound of their voices it sounded as if they were heading his way.

Damn! This was going to look rather odd. Sitting on his own, soaking wet, in a garden at the back of an old cantina. Deciding quickly, Obi-Wan elected to stay out of sight and hope they wouldn�t see him. He covered himself up with the grasses and pressed his back against the old permacrete block, as far as it would go.

The voices had stopped, but Kenobi could tell that they were extremely near by. He never knew quite how close by until he realized, much too late, that they�d relieved themselves on him.

*******

Fifteen minutes had past, and Jemmiah was starting to get concerned. Ben still hadn�t come back. Kryztan still hadn�t gone away. Qui-Gon still kept darting over-protective glances at her. And her trick still hadn�t happened. She was just about to despair of anything going right, when something strange down the far end of the bar grabbed her attention.

It wasn�t Letina and the holocam making a drunken sweep of the little ensemble as they prepared to head for the next Cantina.

It was the strange and gratifying sight of Jay Abran being menaced by two extremely tall women.

�Menali Jay Abran?� The first woman asked, clearly dressed in a security uniform.

�Yes.� He flashed that confident, golden smile at the pair of them.

�Padawan at the Jedi Temple?�

�That�s correct.� He nodded, still smiling. �And what can I get you two beautiful ladies? To drink, I mean,� he added.

Kylenn watched the encounter with a mixture of trepidation and mirth. Jay was a tall young man, but these two made him look pretty insignificant�

�We don�t drink when we�re on duty.� The second woman, an annoyed looking brunette chipped in.

�Your loss.� Abran shrugged. �You know, I never could resist a woman in uniform.�

�That�s just as well,� the sandy haired officer said, �because you are under arrest!�

There was a gasp of astonishment from amongst the masters and padawans.

�Hold on a moment.� Qui-Gon stepped forward. �What do you mean? What is this man accused of?�

�Theft.� The second officer said.

�Of what?� An-Paj looked astonished.

�A pair of ladies stockings from the �Best Buy� Fashion Department this morning. We�ve had you under surveillance all day.�

Abran�s normally bronzed skin went deathly pale.

�There must be some kind of mistake here.� An-Paj frowned. �What would this young man do with a pair of ladies stockings?�

�You get all kinds in this galaxy, sir. Believe me, I�ve met most of �em. Hazard of the job.�

�You told me that Obi-Wan was�� Jinn trailed off. He crossed his arms. �Take him away.� He shrugged.

�What!� Abran almost wailed. �Master Jinn! I swear it was an accident! I didn�t realize I had those stockings with me until I got back to the temple. I never stole them!�

�A likely story.� An-Paj replied, enjoying the padawan�s discomfort. �Why else would he go into a ladies fashion store? Hang the little vrelt!�

�You told me that these,� Jinn fished out the offending articles from his pocket, �belonged to my padawan. Are you now saying that this isn�t the case?�

As the weight of the formidable Jinn stare fell upon him, Abran gulped and looked at his feet.

�Y-yes, sir,� he confessed.

�In that case, I hope you have a really comfortable cell to spend the night in.� Qui-Gon said roughly, aware that Letina Sorrell was hovering in the background with her holocam.

�But Master, you MUST believe me!�

�Must I? Why is that? You�ve already lied to me today.� Jinn frowned.

�I�m sure that prison food is an improvement on the refectory�s food.� Berlingside grinned.

�Prison?� Abran squeaked.

�For at least half a year.� An-Paj put in.

�Minimum.� Depa Billaba agreed.

The two huge women officers picked up Abran by the arms and hoisted him off the ground as easily as if he�d been a rag doll.

�You are busted, sunshine!� the brunette said gleefully.

�But nevermind, we�ll look after you!� The sandy haired one said.

�But I didn�t�� panted Abran.

�These are proof!� The second said. �Unless there�s something you�d like to say to everyone here.� She indicated the gathering of startled Jedi.

Abran nodded, trying to find his voice. �I�I just wanted to apologize for bringing the Jedi order into disrepute. I never stole those stockings,� he swallowed nervously, �but I would like to offer my sincerest apology to Master Jinn for misleading him in any way as to their ownership, and to Obi-Wan and Jemmiah for slandering them.�

�Is that it?� Number one said sternly.

Abran indicated it was.

�Well, there�s something I want to say.� She put her hands on her hips.

�What?�

�SURPRISE!�

The two officers burst into peals of warm laughter. Qui-Gon looked round to see Meri and Jemmiah giving each other a celebratory high-five, whilst Letina moved in on a clearly stunned Jay Abran to get as good a close up as she could. An-Paj and Dex Berlingside were laughing into their glasses of ale.

Jinn saw Jemmiah throw a wink at him. He couldn�t resist a smile.

�Are you saying this whole thing is a set up?� Leona looked amazed.

�You betcha� it was!� The brunette grinned toothsomely. She walked over to Jemmiah.

�Jemmy sweetheart, I never thought I�d see the day when I�d out trick a real Jedi.�

�Good one, wasn�t it!� Jemmiah crowed. �Are you going to stick around for a drink?�

�No, me and Tilly here have got to get these costumes returned to the set before they�re missed.� She clapped the smaller girl on the shoulder. �Star�s sakes girl, I�d watch out for that one.�

Jemmiah spared a quick look at Abran, who was glowering furiously at her.

�I�d say he�s the type who would be out for revenge.�

�I can handle him.� She smirked.

Qui-Gon appeared at the Corellian girl�s shoulder.

�Well done, Jemmiah.� He said simply. �I hope Letina got all of that.�

�Thank you, Master Jinn.� She replied. �I believe she did. And much more besides.�

�That was a mean trick.� Jay Abran snarled at Jemmiah.

�If you can�t take it, don�t dish it out in the first place.� Jemmy said.

�This has got to be one of the WORST days of my life.�

�You think YOU�VE had a bad day.�

Kenobi wandered into the room, scratched by thorns, and soaked. And not smelling very pleasant either.

�You should hear about MY day.�

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