A Night to (Almost) Remember

Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


~~~~~~~


"This is going to look very odd." Lilith hissed to Krelo as the others began to creep forwards towards the door. Some of them were clearly at the "I'm afraid to let go of the bar" stage and were edging towards the door at the rate of an inch a minute.

"What can we do?" Krelo growled. She tried to pull Qui-Gon up by hooking her arm through his, but to no avail.

"Arrruuummmmmmmmmmm!" Jinn moaned. "Want the floor. Floor's nice."

"This is impossible." Lilith shook her head, watching as Leona hung back for a moment to see what was going on, before being dragged forwards by Dimallie.

"Well, do you have any ideas?"

"You're the Jedi. You think of something!"

"Well�how about we�" she looked through the open door to the other side of the road. "�borrow that giant repulsor skip across yonder."

Lilith followed her gaze to the repair work that was going on outside a run down eatery. The skip was bright yellow, garish and very eye-catching. But it had one advantage. They wouldn't have to carry the master very far.

"That's stealing, Kre," warned Lilith.

"I'll give it back tomorrow. I'm not stealing; I'm requisitioning it. Do you want to break your back?"

"No," Lilith said in discomfort.

"Right. In that case, one repulsor lift skip coming up!"

"Kre, we can't put a Jedi Master In a skip!"

Krelo blinked. "Just you watch me!" she said.

Lilith finally shrugged. If there was an inquest later on she could always say that the Jedi (no specific names mentioned, after all she would be too drunk to remember, right?) had coerced her into helping take it. "Here," she finally said, "dragging him won't work. We're gonna hurt him. Let's kneel down, each get an arm over our shoulders and lift at the same time. If you use some of that very useful telekintetics you're always telling me about, we should at least make it to our feet, after that it'll be easy."

Krelo shrugged. She'd never been very mechanically minded, so she let her friend tell her what to do to get the tall, heavy master off the floor. Shortly the two women were lugging the blissfully molassed Qui-Gon across the street toward the skip. The knight felt her friend's hand flutter somewhere in the vicinity of the master's pockets and a suspicious glint came into her eyes.

"You wouldn't be picking his pocket, now would you, Lil?" she asked sweetly. "'That's stealing,'" she singsonged back at the smuggler.

"No, it's a shipping and handling charge," Lilith replied blithely. "He's heavy."

Krelo snorted in amusement, and helped Lilith maneuver the tall man onto the skip. "There, now we just need- Sith, no keys."

"No problem. Stand aside, amateur." Lilith bend over the control panel, her broad shoulders obscuring Krelo's view, and the distinct sound of wires being yanked out of their proper positions could be heard. Bare moments later the skip's engine started with a cough, then purred sweetly. "Oh, that's nice. Hop in, Kre. I don't want to miss what the kids have planned for the next stop."

The bright yellow skip slowly crept forward, barely better than walking speed but at least it saved the two tall women what would have surely been sore backs in the morning.

"Take the controls, will ya Kre?" Lilith said opening her hand and dropping her pilfered items into her lap.

"So what've you got there?" Krelo inquired of her friend who was rummaging through the handful of items she had extracted from Qui-Gon's pocket.

"A couple of credits, some rocks and this," she answered with a wicked smile, holding up a small gold key card.

"So, a key. So what?" Krelo cast a quick look at the card and shrugged.

Glancing ahead she expertly maneuvered the skip around the cantina-crawl participants who seemed to be taking the crawl part literally. The skip took a small dip over a particularly large pothole, jostling the large man stretched out in back. Lifting his head he mumbled something incoherent before passing out once again.

"I really must get you out of the temple more Kre, this little key here belongs to one of the fantasy suites at the Royal Coruscant Hotel."

"Get off the planet!" Krelo chuckled in response. "Any idea which one?"

Closely inspecting the card, Lilith read off a number engraved at the bottom. "1308."

"The jungle room." Lilith said after a moment's thought.

"Figures." Krelo answered, sounding disappointed. "Everyone knows the man likes the outdoors. Might as well spend the night in the Temple gardens and save your money."

"This specific room was decorated to resemble that holo-vid program 'Darzton, wild-man of Shivra', treetop bedroom, wading pool..." Lilith explained.

"I think I remember that one. Isn't that the one that starred some big-chested hunk who pulled a scantily clad female out of the river every week?" Krelo stated with humor.

"Yup, that's the one. I think that show's only redeeming quality was the star's weekly costume." Lilith's eyes gleamed lasciviously.

"Ohhh, yes. I always wondered how he managed to swing through the trees without that little piece of animal skin he wore being whisked away." A deep resounding laugh escaped Krelo.

"Now you know something about the Royal Coruscant Hotel...they take their playtime very seriously. You're actually given the only clothes you're allowed to wear in the fantasy suites."

"No!" Krelo's eyes widened, her head bobbing back and forth between the man in the back and the road in front of her.

"Kinda gives a whole new image to the stoic Master Jinn, doesn't it? Maybe tonight we can talk him into giving us his interpretation of Darzton's jungle yell, whadaya think?" Lilith's brazen laugh joined her friend's.

*******

"Did you see that?" Jemmy's mouth opened in disbelief.

"What?"

Spider looked about. All she could see was the crowd of struggling and ill looking Jedi crawling along the street with their heads almost at ground level. That and the other pedestrians, the fountains and the skip�

Skip?

"Is that Lilith and Krelo?" Rela snorted. "Talk about cheating!"

"How fast does one of these things go?" Jemmiah wondered out loud.

"Why?"

"Because there's another one there." The Corellian girl nodded at a second brightly colored skip standing just off an alleyway. "We could go for a little jaunt."

"Let me get this right?" Spider frowned. "You want a skip race?"

"Sounds good to me!" Rela grinned. "I know how fond you two are of borrowing people's transport�"

"Oh, speak!" Jemmiah pouted. "I've got two words to say to you. SUNNY BREEZE!"

"Aaaah, quit moaning. At least when I borrow things I make sure their owners aren't still attached to them!" Rela frowned.

They crept hesitantly towards the skip, looking from side to side in case someone should see they were up to no good.

"It's locked down." Spider mumbled, her hands straying over the flaking paint work.

"Not for long!" Rela rubbed her hands. "Just give me one minute!"

"Even assuming we DO get it going, who is steering?" Spider asked.

"Me!" Jemmiah replied, tossing back her hair disdainfully. "Who else?"

"Jemmy, dear friend. I think it might be wise if I pointed out that you are very much molassed. You have been popping headache tablets to counter your concussion until they come out your ears. You also drive like a complete maniac!"

"That's how all Corellians should drive." Jemmy frowned. "By the seat of their pants."

"I'm more worried about filling mine, if you'll forgive my crudeness!" Spider hissed. "You are NOT driving."

"I'LL drive." Rela smiled. "And guess what? It's locked down no more. C'mon guys, let's go for the ride of a lifetime!"

*******

"How's he doing?" Krelo glanced back at the gently snoring Qui-Gon.

"I've never seen anyone look both so relaxed and yet in such discomfort at the same time. Must be a guilty conscience, huh Kre�"

Lilith gave an involuntary half yelp as something huge and yellow ran right upsides them. It swerved at the last minute but still came very close to removing some more of the paint work�

"Mother of Sith, what the�" Krelo said once she'd found her voice.

"Look!" Lilith's grimace turned to a grin. "Someone's decided to copy our little idea. How about we give a bit of a race a few times round the block?"

"Won't someone notice?" Krelo asked what she thought was a rather obvious question.

"Naaaah! This area's full of swoop riders at this time of night." She pointed out a couple of speeding competitors in the distance to back herself up.

"This is a skip, Lilith, not a swoop! It's several times larger. We'll get busted for sure!"

"Just do it" Lilith nodded. "We'll show those kids what real racing's about!"

*******

"You are MAD!" Spider's eyes shot open with fear. "Let Rela drive!"

"I am fine!" Jemmy bit back.

"I don't believe this. Drunk in charge of a skip! That's really going to look good on our records�"

"We are not going to get caught!" Jemmiah shook her head. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll let Rela drive in a few more minutes. OK?"

"Good." Spider replied.

Then she saw the light of battle in Rela's eyes and wondered if it was such a good thing after all�

"Where are we heading for?" Rela asked as the yellow skip began to increase its speed, drawing a few startled looks from one or two spectators.

"Right now?" Jemmy yelled back. "Who cares! Let's get this bucket to move!"

"Jemmy�" Spider began as the skip lurched to the right with a sudden jolt.

"This is GREAT!" Jemmiah beamed. "Who needs swoops when you have repulsar aided garbage trucks? Wooooh! That was close!" She giggled as a she turned to avoid hitting a statue in the center of the road.

"We are gonna die!" Moaned Spider. "I just know it. Do you know how embarrassing it'll be when they read in our obituaries that we were killed driving a giant rubbish receptacle?"

"Pipe down, Spider." Jemmiah frowned in concentration. "Look there's Mace and Vernice. Let's get up close and give 'em a wave!"

"Yeah!" Rela smirked. Annoying Mace was one of her favorite things and she saw no reason to wave away a golden chance such as this. "But let ME do the flying, huh?"

Jemmiah sighed and decided to relinquish her position at the head of the skip. "OK, but we'd better do the change round quick and easy," Jemmy eyed Spider nastily, "or else you'll wrap this baby round one of the pillars up ahead."

Spider said nothing, merely covering her eyes.

"One, two�THREE!" Jemmiah moved aside and let Rela squeeze past her swiftly. When Jemmiah leaned to the right the weight seemed to tip slightly to her side, causing Spider to squeal.

"Coward." Rela chuckled. She spied Mace and a staggering Vernice and veered slowly in their direction.

Spider opened her eyes and sniffed.

"What IS that smell?" She asked in disgust.

"It's a skip, my arachnid loving friend." Jemmiah replied. "People put all sorts of stuff in here. Rubble, household waste, burst mattresses, dead felines�"

"Oh, Yuck." Rela snorted.

"And drunk Jedi Masters." Jemmiah added to her list.

"Well, I don't know what is mixed in with all the rubble but it really stinks!" Spider gagged.

"I can hardly smell anything. Obi-Wan's socks will do that for a girl. Once you've coped with them you can cope with anything." Jemmy snickered. "It's just as well Coruscant has a reasonable temperature. I'd hate to think what it would be like if he was living somewhere really hot!"

Rela's tongue was slightly out of her mouth with concentration as she drove towards Master Windu. This ought to be good for a laugh�

"And another thing," Vernice was saying to Mace as he tried to persuade her to walk in a straight line, "You owe me a dance."

"A dance?" Echoed a confused Mace.

"Don't you remember? About twenty years ago at some 'after knighting ceremony' - can't remember whose - you promised me the first dance and then you told me you had a bad case of the squits and left me standing all on my own."

"I don't remember�" Mace began, his words being cut off by the whooshing sound of something approaching very fast. His force sense screamed at him to watch out. Turning swiftly, he found himself almost slap-bang in the path of a giant hover skip!

"Get down!" He shoved Vernice face first to the gutter and then dived on top of her protectively.

"YEEEEEEHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Jemmiah called out as Rela banked to the right in order to avoid hitting the two masters.

"Hi, Master Windy!" yelled Rela over the din. "You look mighty cozy down there on the ground with your arm about Master Ashdal like that! Don't want to start any rumors, do we?"

Mace looked up and swore as he heard the girlish giggling already fading into the distance. Spider turned round and waved at him before they turned sharply round a corner. "They are gonna kill themselves!" he yelled. "And if they don't then I will!"

*******

"There they are!" Lilith smiled as she nudged Krelo on the arm. "Jemmiah and friends. Making for that alleyway. Let's give 'em a real fright!"

"No need to ask twice." Krelo grinned in reply as she set about altering the skips direction.

In the background they heard Qui-Gon groaning. "Hey, jungle boy's beginning to wake up a bit." Krelo observed. "Maybe we should stop off before the next cantina and use our little force related trick to sober him up a little."

"Hmm." Lilith said absently, watching as they started to weave towards Rela's skip. They hadn't spotted them yet�

"Let's get in real close." Krelo's eyes shone.

Jemmiah's brow creased as she tried to navigate round all the streets and alleyways. Some of them were rather dark and not altogether to her liking. And the older ones were much narrower and built up, making it trickier to maneuver. She was almost glad that she had let Rela fly this thing after all�

She glanced back and saw Lilith and Krelo coming up on them fast.

"Rela, get this crate moving. We've got competition!" She shouted joyfully.

"I'm doing my best!" Rela laughed. The two skips flew upsides one another, twisting and turning almost at the same time as if joined by some invisible thread.

"Faster, Kre!" Lilith crowed. "We can get to the cantina before them if we take that side street on the left and then double back."

"Are you sure?" Krelo looked uncertain.

"Damn straight!" Lilith responded. "When am I ever wrong? I'm a Corellian!"

Krelo was about to tell her that being one did not necessarily guarantee the other but bit her tongue and did as she was asked, banking to the left and almost taking out an elderly Bith as he wandered down the street.

"Where did they go?" Rela demanded.

"Let's just get back to the cantina. Mace is gonna have us Nerf whipped for what we've just done." Spider insisted.

"I want to know where they've got to!" Rela stuck out her chin belligerently.

"Maybe they went down there?" Jemmy pointed to an alley opening to the distant right.

"Then that's where we're going!" Rela frowned as she glanced at the controls. One of these would increase the speed even further, the green one she thought. "Hold on guys! This is going to be short and sweet�"

The words were ripped from her throat as her fingers stabbed at the green button. Instead of going faster the whole skip seemed to buck upwards some fifteen feet into the air, throwing its occupants skyward. The last thing Rela remembered was the sound of the skip slamming down over their heads as they fell back onto the ground, imprisoning them under all the building debris�

As the dust settled a stunned, eerie silence surrounded those entombed within the upturned skip. Rela wondered whether or not she should declare to everyone that it wasn't her fault.

"It's my fault," she moaned softly. "Sorry guys. I was sure I pressed the green button but, hey, maybe I'm color blind or something�guys? Speak to me?"

A chill spread rapidly down her spine and left her feeling very fearful. They were trapped. She was trapped.

Oh, hell�

Her body started to shake slightly as the realization hit her. Feeling around with her hand, she came across what felt like a human arm.

It was cold.

Rela almost choked in horror. "Guys� SPEAK to me!" She half wailed. "Jemmy don't you dare be dead! Obi-Wan will kill me! Spider? PLEASE answer me!"

"Whoever's making that Sith awful din please stop it at once. I had a sore head to start with and it's just got ten times worse." Jemmiah's voice, followed by a cough echoed slightly inside the skip.

"Jemmy!" Rela groaned. "Don't do that to me!"

"I'm having a really bad day." Jemmy coughed again as the dust irritated her throat. "I've been knocked on the head, drugged, assaulted, nearly crisped in a fire, passed out, been violently sick�and now flattened by a giant rubbish tip. Can you believe it?"

"Are you OK?" Rela tried to squint through the darkness.

"My foot's caught under something. It's a bit sore but nothing major. You?"

"I seem to be fine." Rela continued to shake.

"Spider?"

"Y-yeah. I'm OK, I guess," replied Spider sounding extremely shaken.

"Well, you can't blame me for that one." Jemmiah tried to shift her position a little. "I may be molassed but I wasn't the one driving."

"Look, I said I was sorry. What more do you want?" Rela snapped.

"I'm just saying�"

"Well don't!"

"OK!" Jemmiah yelled. "Keep your hair on!"

"Guys, calm down!" Spider could feel the temperature rise.

"Sorry," muttered Jemmy.

"Yeah, well." Rela sniffed. Her hand brushed the cold fingers once more. If it wasn't Jemmy and it wasn't Spider�

"Guys!" She squealed. "There's somebody's arm in the skip!"

"What?" Spider asked.

"An arm! I said an arm, are you deaf?" Rela hissed.

"As in 'human' arm?" Jemmy said.

�It's all cold and stiff and horrible�" Rela shivered.

"Maybe that's what the smell is." Spider whimpered. "I said there was a stink from back here."

"Don't be silly. Dead people don't smell like that." Jemmiah hadn't meant to say that out loud.

Rela felt the tremors begin to take her pretty badly. "How�how do you know? How many dead people have you seen?" She said, the situation bringing out a sarcastic tinge to her voice.

"Decomposing bodies smell�sort of sweet. Sickly. It's difficult to explain it." Even though they couldn't see her she looked away. "And for your information I've seen my share of dead people."

"You're making that up." Rela growled.

"What?!" Jemmy glared. "Is that the sort of thing somebody makes up? I've had to help bury people. Sometimes rebury people. It's not nice, let me tell you."

"Why?" Spider asked with a shudder.

"Punishment, usually." She decided to elaborate a little more. "I used to live with a psychopath before Qui-Gon took me away."

"Sounds wonderful." Spider swallowed.

"It wasn't, believe me."

Rela said nothing.

"Where's this arm of yours?" Jemmiah said eventually.

"Halfway between myself and you." Rela shook.

Reaching out much as Rela had done before, Jemmiah's hand sought and located the cold, flesh like fingers. It caused her to shudder. "Urgh! That's disgusting! Sith, I think you're right Rela. I think there's a body in here!"

"Or maybe just bits," Spider began to panic at the thought.

"Wait a moment�" Jemmy felt further up the arm, "I'll see if there's anything else�"

She screamed.

"It's come off in my hand!" She yelled, throwing the severed arm at Spider.

"I don't want it!" Spider uncharacteristically burst into tears.

"Keep it away from me!" Rela backed against the metal side of the skip.

There was silence once more, except for the sound of labored breathing as Jemmiah sought to recover herself. "Sorry guys, " she apologized once she had found her voice, "I kinda lost it there."

"We've got to get out of here," Spider groaned.

"They'll find us, don't worry. Lilith and Krelo will come and look for us," Jemmy panted.

"I'm�I'm not very good in confined spaces." Rela said in a wavering voice.

"I've got news for you, neither am I." Jemmy tried to laugh.

Spider sat bolt upright. "I think I'm sitting on the head!" she replied nauseously.

"W-where?" Jemmy gulped. "Let me see."

Rela and Spider moved as far away as they could from the grizzly object.

I don't want to do this, Jemmy thought. I really don't want to do this!

She let her hands stray over the flesh. Synthi-flesh.

"Relax guys, it's a mannequin." Jemmy breathed again. "Sure as heck felt real."

"How do you know it's not?" Rela asked fearfully.

"Well," Jemmiah regained some of her composure, "not too many people have MADE IN CORUSCANT stamped on the back of their heads."

"Oh�thank the gods." Spider sighed.

Jemmiah glanced at the shadow that was Rela. "You OK?" she asked.

"Not really." Came the reply. "I hope they get us out of here real soon, or I might go crazy."

Pause.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier," she added.

"About what?"

"Implying you were a liar. It's just Qui-Gon never said anything much about you. I didn't know�"

"Forget it," Jemmy said.

"But what you said�"

"It doesn't matter any more."

"Is this the psychopath that Kryztan mentioned?"

"Look, just drop it!" Jemmiah shouted, disturbing some of the debris that sloped from the right hand side of the skip. She put her hand in something soft and squishy. "Bassalads!" She gasped. "What the hell is that? Urgh! It's like�"

"I don't want to know." Spider looked away.

"�I think it's some kind of bodily waste." Jemmiah groaned. "Of the cannoid variety I should imagine." She looked around for something to wipe her hand on and came into contact with Spider's top.

"This'll do," she said gratefully.

"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you just did!" Spider hissed. "Why couldn't you have used that mattress over there?"

"Because it smells like someone's weed on it!" Jemmy snorted.

Rela closed her eyes. Something told her they were in for a long wait. And she didn't know how much she could take.

*******

Lilith and Krelo waited at the next bar, and waited, and waited.

"They should have been here by now. I don't care how drunk Jemmiah was, Rela's sober and she knows where we're supposed to be," Lilith insisted again. "I don't like it."

"Well, what do you want to do?"

"We should go look for them. They may be fine, but I don't want to risk it. I've taken a liking to Jemmiah and I'd really hate it if something happened to her."

"What is it with you Corellians?" Krelo half complained. "You take ridiculous delight in out foxing each other, but let someone else put just one of you down and all of a sudden you're all acting like blood-brothers."

"It's genetic," Lilith relied absently, her eyes glued to the street outside. "Look, you can stay, but I want to go looking. If they get back fine, I had a nice leisurely drive, if not . . ."

"I'm not staying. You saved my life once and you're also my friend."

"What about him?" Lilith jerked her thumb at Qui-Gon, whom they had propped up on a stool at the bar.

"Where's he gonna go? Besides, you already cleaned him out, so it's not like anyone's gonna steal from him."

Lilith grinned. "You -do- have a point there. Fine, but let's be quick about it."

The two tall women stood and strode out of the bar, leaving one thoroughly molassed master unconscious at the bar, his head cradled on his arms.

*******

"How long have we been in here, d'you reckon?" Spider asked.

"Too long," growled Jemmy.

"We can't last in here forever." Spider ventured. "I mean, the air will turn bad and we shall all suffocate�"

"Thanks Spider for that cheering piece of news." Jemmiah tried to massage her sore foot. "I suppose you learned all that oxygen garbage in biology class."

"You would have learned more about it if you hadn't spent all your free time ogling the tutor." Bit back her former classmate.

"He was very�distracting." Jemmiah sighed.

Rela sat nearby, shaking as she listened. "If we die, there won't be many who will miss us," she said tremulously.

"Speak for yourself." Spider snorted. "My family will miss me. They'll be forever saying how much they wish their Geraldine was still around�to pay back the money she owes them. And my snakes and spiders and lizards and Dinkos and�"

"Stop!" Jemmy insisted. "It's getting like a wildlife holo broadcast!"

"Nobody would miss me," Rela mumbled.

"Course they would."

"Who? Go on, name me some!" The red haired girl's voice became indignant. "I can't think of anyone!"

"Well�Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, myself�"

"That's it?" Rela's eyes flared in the darkness. "Three people?"

"There's only three people who would miss me, what gives you the right to think you're any more special than I am?" Jemmiah tried to scowl back.

"My mother wouldn't miss me." Rela gritted her teeth audibly.

"Least you've got one!" Jemmy retorted.

"I didn't know this was a contest." Spider rubbed her hands. "Is it my turn?"

"Shut up." Rela groused. "Both of you�just SHUT UP! You're driving me crazy!"

"I'm not exactly thrilled about this myself!" Jemmy yelled back. "You're so selfish! You're not the only one stuck in here!"

"I wish I was, that way I might get some peace!"

"Oh, why don't you just close that overused mouth of yours�" Jemmy was cut off in mid sentence by a resounding THWACK to the jaw.

"Rela!" Spider hissed. "She's got a concussion!"

"She'll have another one by the time I'm finished!" Rela spat.

"Isn't that supposed to be me hitting her?" Jemmiah sounded stunned. "You've got a mean punch on you, Rela Quinn! Almost as powerful as my own."

"Thanks." Rela said gruffly. "How's the jaw?"

"Probably shattered beyond repair. It's been one of those days." Jemmiah winced as she rubbed her newly acquired injury.

"I'm sorry, it's just I can't stand this any longer!" Rela groaned.

Jemmiah surprised her by clasping a supportive hand to her shoulder. "Look, it's like I say. We'll be fine soon. We just have to keep ourselves going for the moment. Take our mind off�"

"Our impending doom." Spider swallowed. "I don't want to orphan my snakes!"

"Let's concentrate, huh? I know what we'll do. We'll ask each other some questions. You were saying how you didn't know much about us. Now's the chance to find out a little more. What do you think?"

Rela nodded slowly, still shivering.

"Agreed. Who's going first?"

"Me," Spider said. "Rela, how come you're so awful in enclosed spaces?"

"I thought you were trying to take my mind off it!" Rela grimaced.

"Think of it as therapy." Jemmy answered. "So what's the story? Give."

Rela gulped. "It's a long story�" she began.

*******

"Where�where is everyone?" Obi-Wan frowned as he looked round the dingily lit interior of Scruffy Dirk's cantina.

Simeon shrugged. "We must've got here first. I can't see anyone except�." His eyes momentarily seemed to jump out of their sockets in shock. "Your master!"

"What?" Obi-Wan gasped. "But how? He was stone cold out of it when we last saw him!"

"Well he's sitting there now�.well, lying there now." Cates replied. "No sign of your girl though. What was the plan for this establishment?"

Obi-Wan sighed. "Something to do with a race of some kind."

"Oh, Sith!" Abran entered through the open doorway. "I'm not racing anywhere. My feet will hardly carry me from A to B, let alone bringing C into the argument!"

Obi-Wan looked up at the sign on the wall. It read: SCALYBACK SHELL RACING. PLACE YOUR BETS! NO STAKE LIMIT!

"That's what she's got planned." Kenobi nodded with his head.

"What the heck is Scalyback racing?" Simeon wondered.

"They're kind of fast snails, aren't they?" said Abran without great certainty.

"Yes, that's it! They keep them in a special tank. Then they put them into little track lanes on the floor and then VOOOOOOM!" Obi-Wan agreed. "Could be fun."

"You got any money?" Simeon asked.

"Not much." Obi-Wan replied, "but I hardly think we're going to break the bank here on a snail race."

"Snails." Abran shivered. "Urgh!"

"And they probably say the exact same about you, Jay." Obi-Wan smiled. "Let's go pick a likely looking champion before the other get here."

They walked over to the tank where all the giant snails were kept and pressed their noses against the glass as they studied them all. "Ugly!" Cates pointed at a particularly hideous looking specimen of snailhood. "Look. It's Hmiol's double. It's even got that dull, vacant look. You wouldn't be able to wake it up if you fried it in a pan with some butter and Sea onions!"

"That one winked at you, Jay!" Obi-Wan chuckled. "I think we'll have that one. What's his name?"

"They have names?" Cates was astounded.

"Look at the number on their backs. Which is it?"

"Er�three." Simeon looked at the painted figure on the snail's shell and then compared it to a chart on the wall. "Hang on, number three is called Goodtime Gertie!"

"Obviously named by a Tug My Slug reader." Obi-Wan shook his head. "Well, Gertie's the girl for us! Let's put our name down quick before the others want to muscle in."

"How much do we SHELL OUT for the privilege?" Simeon smirked.

"Yes, Simeon. You can dispense with the shell jokes." Abran sighed.

They walked over to the senseless Qui-Gon.

"He doesn't look too good." Abran remarked. "Simeon. You're an assistant healer. You can have a go at doing something."

"What?"

"I don't know�can't you heal him?"

"Why bother?"

"I agree." Obi-Wan grinned. "It means Jemmy and I can have some fun!"

"Ah-ha! He's come out of his shell at last!" Cates chuckled.

"Simeon." Jay and Obi said together.

"Shut up?" Cates guessed.

"Correct."

*******

�Actually it would be a lot longer story if I could remember most of it.� Rela started. �It happened so long ago, and I�ve tried to block it out for so long.� Rela closed her eyes and hugged herself as began to tell her friends her secret.

�It was one of the first foster homes I was in. I�m sure it started out as a game, but you know how cruel kids can be when you�re new to place. Since I was the outsider, I guess that they wanted to teach me a lesson. I�m really not sure why they did it, but the next thing I knew they had thrown me in a closet and locked the door. I remember screaming for what seemed like hours, and clawing at the door so much that my fingers were bloody. They left me locked in for two days.�

�How old were you?� Spider asked quietly.

�Four,� Rela whispered so quietly that they almost didn�t hear her. �But you know what the worst part was? No one came looking for me. I mean a four year old goes missing for two days and no one seemed to care.�

Rela paused a moment as a few tears escaped.

�TWO DAYS! TWO FREAKIN� DAYS!� she shouted. "The only reason they ever found me was because someone needed something out of the closet. The sad thing is I still remember what she said when she opened the door. �Rela Quinn, what are you doing? It�s time for dinner, everyone�s waiting on you.� In the end, I showed them. I can pick any lock and find a way to escape in almost any situation. Except now.�

�Does any one else know?� Jemmiah wondered.

�Obi-Wan does. The lucky guy was there to witness me freak out one time. I�m not sure if Qui-Gon knows. I haven�t told him.�

�You haven�t told him? Rela you have to, he deserves to know!�

�Gods, you sound just like Kenobi. You two really do hang out too much. If I can get away with out telling him I will, and no snitching. It will be just end up being another entry on the �Stupid Things Rela has done� list.� Rela wiped away the tears and looked at her friends. �That�s one of my stories. Now who�s next? Spider! On a lighter note, what is it with you and creepy crawly things?�

"Hmm." Spider frowned amidst the darkness. "I'm not sure. I like unusual things. Things that stand out and are�well different. I like being different."

"I'd never have guessed," snickered Jemmiah.

"I mean, I can understand why some people might not be keen on spiders. All those legs and eyes creeping across a person's naked flesh�"

Rela shivered.

"�and then of course they can move real fast. But why don't people like snakes? They don't have legs. They have two eyes�"

"They look evil," Rela said, although not unkindly.

"I suppose they do." Spider grinned. "But the first pet I ever had was a fluffy sand hamster. Lived for four years. Now you can't tell me that was remotely strange."

"What's with the hair and nose rings and stuff?" Rela wondered.

"That's what school did to me, I'm afraid."

"I don't understand," Rela said.

Spider's grin lit up the darkness. "I come from a reasonably well off family. Not that you'd know to look at me. The same could be said for all the kids who went to our school," she looked at Jemmiah, "who either had a good pedigree or were worth a bit of money in the long term. As Geraldine Pippage I was an ordinary person amongst a group of unordinary girls. I decided it just didn't suit me. So I decided to change a few things about myself."

"Like the tattoos?" Rela asked.

"Yeah, amongst other things. I decided to see how far I could push my luck before someone would say 'naughty Geraldine' and give me a slap on the wrist. But it never happened, probably because my daddy went to school with the principal. That school did funny things to you. It nearly turned me into little miss average dutiful daughter. Jemmy here relieved the tension by drooling over the teachers. And dull! It drove me witless!"

"I can imagine."

"I'm telling you, the day I was expelled has to rate as the happiest day of my life, for which I owe Jemmy here big time."

"But if you're so well off, how come you've been working in hair salons and tattoo parlors?" Rela wondered.

"Well," Spider considered, "I've not exactly been cast out into the wilderness but they've told me to go get it out of my system. See how badly I cope for a year or so on my own. They think I'll do so badly that I'll go crawling back the second something goes wrong. I think they're worried because I'm so wild. My Aunt Lula was the same."

"What was wrong with her?" Jemmy asked.

"Nothing, nothing at all. She ran off with a travelling circus and married a fire-eater. It put the spark back in her life!"

"Very funny," Rela groaned.

"She was a contortionist. You know, one of those people who can squeeze themselves into glass jars seemingly twice as small as them. My mother just shakes her head at my dad and says 'It's from his lot you get it. There's nothing like that on my side!' Poor old dad!"

"So," Rela said cautiously, "how much are you worth?"

Spider chuckled. "Not telling. Not as much as her, with her rich Aunt and Uncle." She winked at Jemmy.

"Oh, don't start!" Jemmiah moaned. "Do you know what that Debutantes Ball was like?"

"What?" Rela asked, genuinely interested.

"It was 'How are you my dear? That's a pretty name! Corellian is it? What rich family are you from, and what sort of price tag do you come with? Really? That's interesting�I'll bear it in mind.' URGH, I hate that sort of thing! I'm telling you, it's left me cold about marriage."

"Oh yeah? What if a few years down the line, Obi popped the question? What then?" Spider asked.

"Give us a break! We've only been going out for four weeks!" Jemmy looked indignant.

"But what if�"

"What if nothing. Marriage and kids aren't for me. If it ever happens I will be most surprised."

"You might change your mind." Rela smiled. "I can see you with a brood of little Jemmiahs and Obi-Wans round your feet."

"You want to make me ill?" Jemmiah's eyes narrowed.

"How big's a brood, Rela?" Spider was enjoying herself.

"Oh, six�maybe seven."

"No, how about eight," Spider grinned.

"Better still, round it up to ten!" Rela's mind was temporarily lifted from their present situation.

"Noooooooooooh." moaned Jemmy again. "That would be hell itself. I'd make a terrible mother."

Rela looked in her direction. "What happened to your mother?" She asked, meaning to be gentle and yet her voice sounded gruff and unsympathetic.

"I don't really know. One day she was there and the next she wasn't." Jemmiah cast her mind back not altogether willingly. "I tried to ask some of the other women who I stayed with, but they just said not to ask, and eventually after about a week of pestering them for information one of them told me that she had died."

"Was she sick?" Spider asked.

"I don't remember. She'd had a cold, I think. But that's silly. Who dies from a cold?"

"How old were you?" Rela enquired.

"Seven, I guess. I don't really remember a lot about her now, except that she had long, dark hair and red lips. When I was little I used to be fascinated by her red lips. I s'pose that's why I wear scarlet lipgloss."

"I 'll bet you were a horrible child!" Spider laughed.

"I don't think so. Cheeky, perhaps. But that's just me. I was perfectly normal in most respects. I had a healthy dislike of tying my laces and a loathing of mathematics. I never did get the hang of that."

Rela, whose own memory for figures was exceptional, had difficulty in understanding. "Why's that?" She tried to shift round into a more comfortable position.

"They shot my teacher. I never did get to grips with it after that."

Rela shivered again, becoming aware once more of their oppressive surroundings. "That's horrible." She grimaced. "So who were these people you lived with?"

Jemmiah raised an eyebrow, although in the blackness the gesture was wasted. "Kept women. Prostitutes. Brothel workers�want any more descriptive terms?" She laughed at their discomfort. "I know what you're thinking. You're sitting there saying to yourself, 'she really has learned by example', aren't you?"

Spider and Rela said nothing.

"I thought so," Jemmy grinned, "and you're probably right. They were the most human people I've ever met. I don't consider it a sin to want to be like them in any shape or form. I'm not ashamed of them, or what I was forced to be�well, not now at any rate."

"So what Kryztan said was true?" Rela asked.

"If by that you mean I knew more than I pretended when I first came to Coruscant, you'd be right." Jemmy answered finally. "I used to be scared that Qui-Gon wouldn't want me in his apartment if he thought I was as clued up as I was." She laughed. "Mind you, it led to one funny incident. I managed to con him that I didn't know about all that stuff. He was so mortified at the idea of teaching an eleven-year-old about the birds and bees that he eventually just threw a book at me and fled the room! It was hilarious!"

Rela laughed loudly for the first time since they had become trapped together.

"I miss my friends, sometimes." Jemmiah said, hugging her knees.

"I miss drinking sometimes, but I wouldn't want to go back in time." Rela added.

Spider sighed. "I miss my fluffy Sand Hamster," she said.

The other two looked at her.

"My snake ate him," she explained.

*******

Lilith took the wheel of the skip this time around, immediately running it up to its highest speed and heading back to where they had last seen the skip full of girls. Sure, a skip didn't handle quite like a swoop, but it also didn't go nearly as fast, so while the trip was marginally exciting, it wasn't anything that bothered either of the women in the least.

Starting from where they had last seen the girls, the smuggler and knight began a systematic search of the immediate side streets and alleys. The bright yellow overturned skip wasn't too hard to spot.

A booming kick the side of the skip alerted the girls that someone had arrived.

"I can't leave you alone for a moment, can I Jemmiah?" Lilith asked.

"You know me," came the muffled reply. "Look, we were just getting comfortable in here. Why don't you come back in half an hour?"

"Oh, sure. Kre and I need to hurry back anyway. We sort of left Master Jinn propped up at the bar. See ya in a bit."

"But as long as you're here," Jemmiah called again, rather quickly, "You might as well help us get out. After all, we wouldn't want to miss the next cantina."

Lilith stood with her hands on her hips, surveying the upside-down skip. "What do you think, Kre?"

"I think that, strong as you are, you aren't going to be able to lift it."

"Duh! Think you can lift it with the Force?"

"Seeing as how I'm sober, I don't see why not," Krelo agreed. "Though, I -was- looking forward to watching you Jewry-rig something. That's always entertaining. Alright girls, on the count of three I'm going to lift and I want you to get out of there as quick as you can. Ready?"

A muffled chorus of ready's came back to the women from the underside of the skip and Krelo stepped back a bit, focusing. The skip rose steadily, if a little off balance, up off the ground and the three girls scampered out from under it as soon as there was enough space for them to squeeze through. Krelo just let the skip bang back down on the ground. It wasn't like she was actually going to make anything worse. The girls had done a beaut of a job banging it up themselves.

"Into the skip, ladies," Lilith waved them toward the vehicle hovering at the alley entrance. "No, Jemmiah, -I'm- driving," she called as the girls jostled each other for the front seats and a disappointed groan answered back. "Krelo, my friend, we seem to be spending entirely too much time in alleys tonight."

*******

"Is it possible to fix a giant snail race?" Wondered Simeon as he looked across at Dex Berlingside holding up his chosen representative for closer examination.

"Yup!" He smiled broadly. "This is the one for me. Frisky Freda! I even like the name."

"I don't want to know who it reminds him of." Simeon said out the corner of his mouth.

Obi-Wan looked around in confusion. Jemmiah hadn't turned up and he was beginning to get worried. She seemed to be showing signs of fatigue at long last, but he knew that persuading her to call it a night would be a futile waste of breath. His one consolation was that Rela and Spider had gone missing as well, which meant that they were probably all together.

Anyhow, Kryztan Harkley was safely under his watchful gaze and not out roving the streets looking for his girlfriend�

Harkley was still finding himself ignored by the women, which was annoying in the extreme but nothing he couldn't cope with. His master had excepted his explanation that he had been defending a woman's honor, by way of accounting for his new facial injuries, with typical trust. He almost felt guilty for his deceitfulness.

But there was not a hope in hell of him explaining the real reason.

His blood boiled when he thought of Obi-Wan but he didn't dare try anything vengeful. He was in no doubts that Qui-Gon would make good his threats to have him thrown out of the temple.

Probably literally.

Still, he thought darkly, you never knew when an opportunity might come your way.

Kryztan selected his snail. "Think I'll have this one." He managed to smile painfully. "Lady J." He fixed his eyes on Obi-Wan from across the room. "I'm sure she's up for a spin on the floor�"

Obi-Wan was stopped from head butting Kryztan with the restraining hand of Simeon Cates. "Leave him, Obi. He's not worth it. He's just trying to provoke you. Don't let him get to you."

Kenobi breathed out, trying to rid himself of the anger that had momentarily clouded his head. "You're right." He nodded. "But I'll be damned if his snail is going to beat mine!"

*******

"You don't mind me saying this, I hope." Lilith tried to break the uncomfortable silence that had grown in the back of the skip, "but you all smell really ghastly."

"So would you if you had spend gods know how long in a huge upturned vat of garbage and dog cr�." Jemmy started to answer.

"Yeah, thanks for wiping your hands on my clothing." Spider growled.

"That's OK. You can get Daddy to buy you a new one," Rela smiled.

"Thanks. Want me to buy you a drink?" Spider regarded her carefully.

"Yeah." Rela glance at Jemmiah. "Naked on the Fresher Floor!"

The three girls grinned at each other and shared a brief moment's silent communion. Lilith took it all in but refrained from commenting. "I'm surprised at you, Rela. Crashing the skip like that. Jemmiah I could have understood, seeing as how she's about one cantina away from finding herself in a hospital bed. Again." She warned. "Don't think I haven't seen the way you've been popping those pills young lady. I don't believe in telling people what to do but I would respectfully suggest you stop either the drink or the tablets."

"I'm fine," she replied.

"Yes, but for how long?" Krelo replied.

"Oh, great. Now I've got both of them ganging up on me," Jemmy said sourly.

"And I did not crash the skip. It sort of flipped over." Rela was indignant.

"Oh, yeah. Course it did." Lilith muttered.

Jemmiah sighed and looked back into the darkening Coruscant skyline, filled as far as the eye could see with buildings, more buildings and� "Lilith, we're being tailed by the cops!" she gasped.

"Holy Poodoo!" whistled Lilith.

"They've probably been receiving reports about two stolen skips racing all over the place." Krelo growled. "I knew this was a bad idea."

"Just as well weren't still underneath the other one when they caught up to us." Spider said gratefully. "But what do we do?"

Lilith looked at Krelo. "We're relatively sober now. They can't do us for drink driving," she said hopefully.

"They CAN do us for theft!" Krelo reminded her.

"Awwww, relax will you? I'll think of something." Demodae sat herself up straight and tall as she wracked her brains for a solution.

"Can't we out run 'em?" Rela asked.

"In this? You must be joking!" Lilith snorted. "We've got a minute at most until they flag us over."

She looked back at the worried faces and came to a decision. "OK. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to slow down by that corner over yonder and you three are going to get off and run like stink until you get to Scruffy Dirk's, you got that?"

"What, leave you behind?" Jemmy looked put out. "I'm not doing that!"

"Don't argue with me, kid." Lilith said more sharply than she wished. "Loyalty is fine and good but no use to either of us if you end up in the clink for joy riding. Got that?"

Jemmiah reluctantly conceded the point.

"Right." Lilith began to slow down. "Here's where you get off. READY?"

"Yeah." Rela nodded.

"Good." Captain Demodae pulled over to the corner of the alleyway. "GET GOING KIDDIES! SEE YA LATER!"

Krelo watched as Jemmiah and her two companions bolted out of the skip and down the darkened alleyway, praying that no harm would come to them in the meantime. The sound of an approaching skycar and two speeders brought them quickly to their senses.

Lilith gawked as one of the speeders continued leisurely down the alleyway after the three fugitives. Damn! They must have seen them getting out! Probably had zoom lenses�

Krelo breathed deeply to calm herself. "Well, if you've got any suggestions about what WE say, I'd like to hear them." She said flatly as the skycar puled up along side them�

"The truth, of course," Lilith shot back as she did some quick calculations in her head. yes, they were headed away from the Temple and generally toward the lot where they had stolen the skip in the first place. Lilith brought the skip to a smooth halt and waited for the cop to climb out of the air car and step up next to her.

"License and ID, please."

Lilith handed them over without complaint, grateful for once that Krelo had chosen to wear her drab tan robes for a night of drinking. The cop was eyeing the red-head between glances at the cards in his hand and the computer he was entering the data into. "Well, Captain Demodae, I'd like to know please just what you are doing in this particular vehicle."

"I was giving a Jedi Master a ride, Officer. He was horribly drunk and couldn't even stand straight on his own and I thought that someone ought to see him on his way and make sure he got where he was going safely, but I didn't have enough credits for an aircab. I didn't think anyone would mind me borrowing the skip as long as I put it back as soon as I was done." Lilith raised a hand and pointed, because just down the block, conveniently enough, was the lot where the skips had been sitting.

"That's one I haven't heard yet," the officer drawled in an amused tone. He pulled an analyzer from his belt. "Please extend your arm." Both Lilith and Krelo complied and the cop took small blood samples from each. When his machine beeped at him to signal the end of the tests, he frowned at it and jammed it back on his belt.

"Sir, the Jedi Master was kind enough to give me his ID, should there be some problem. He said that the Temple would gladly pay for any damages incurred. We were only trying to help, Officer." And Lilith handed over Qui-Gon's ID, which had gone into her pockets along with everything else from his.

Suspiciously the man ran that ID though his computer too, and the look on his face when it ran through was priceless. "Well, I- I suppose there's no harm done if you just put the skip back." He ran a critical eye over the vehicle, but could see nothing wrong with it at all.

He gave the cards back and watched with an eagle eye as the two women parked the skip and walked away.