Prequel to Lions, Tigers, and Padawans, Oh My!. A fundraising bar crawl? Only Jemmiah could arrange something like that.

Note: This is a group fic written mostly by Jemmiah, with a little help from (in order of posting): Sybelle, Jedi Kylenn, HealerLeona, Wampasmak, Lilith Demodae, LadyJedith, Krelo Rei'ch, Jedi_Daphne, and mouse2. The original thread can be found at theforce.net.

Disclaimer: Qui-gon Jinn, Obi-wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Depa Bilaba and the universe they live in belong to George Lucas. They are respectfully borrowed with no intent to profit thereby.


~~~~~~~


Having bribed Mace with yet another glass of Best Corellian Brandy to continue and take his next turn, Qui-Gon settled back to watch the dark skinned master suffer his next humiliation.

�Number eleven.� Windu called out ungraciously.

Oooh, thought Jemmy as she regarded Qui-Gon struggle to keep his face neutral. Perhaps Leona had a fight on her hands after all�

Mace had inadvertently selected Sal-Fina. And by the look in his eyes he was not unhappy at the prospect of a quick clinch, either!

Sal-Fina gave a casual toss of her blonde mane and walked over to Mace, effecting an unconcerned manner. �It�s your lucky day, Windu.� She said in a saccharin tone.

�At last!� Mace rubbed his hands together. �The fulfilling of a long held ambition.�

Sal-Fina�s eyes went automatically to the tattoo on his head. �That�s one hell of a birth mark you�ve got there,� she squinted.

�Ha, ha. Can we get back to the business in hand?�

�The council are going to love that,� she replied, staring. �You might start a trend. I can see Yaddle with one.�

�Only it�ll say �kiss me, pickle lips!� or something like that,� Dexy smiled.

�Quit stalling, would you?� Mace said impatiently. �I�m waiting for my smooch!�

�Poor desperate man.� Jemmiah muttered, feeling the icy talons of Sal-Fina�s stare.

�At least my master doesn�t wear virtually non-existent clothing,� snapped Ambianca.

�I should think we�re all relieved about that,� Jemmiah retorted caustically.

Ambianca gulped. How dare she insult her master like that? Sal-Fina�s eyes narrowed dangerously as she addressed Qui-Gon. �Tell your pet Corellian to show some respect or else��

�Else what?� Jemmiah was squaring up to her. �You�ll lock me in a cupboard?� She left her pointed words hanging in the air.

A nervous tick found it�s way onto Sal-Fina�s face. �Let�s get on with the damn game, Windu,� she growled.

Rela frowned and whispered in Jemmy�s ear: �What was that about?�

�Old history.� Jemmy glowered. �I�ve got her over a barrel and she knows it. There�s no way I�m letting that timeworn old ferret get the last word.�

�I can�t say that the padawan looks much better.� Rela agreed, returning Ambianca�s disdainful look.

�Tell me about it.� Jemmy nodded, as Sal-Fina grudgingly locked lips with Mace.

The kiss was certainly slower than that which Mace had shared with Spider, but Sal-Fina did not seem to be getting the same enjoyment out of it as Mace was doing. After several seconds she untangled herself as elegantly as she could.

�Well?� Dexy asked.

She paused. �You�ve been eating salted pilchards,� was all she said to Mace.

After the laughter died down at Mace's latest humiliation, Spider waved her hand at the men, "O.K. boys, shuffle up!" The males quickly rearranged themselves and settled into line.

Jay quickly glanced to both sides, a nervous Obi-Wan was to his left and Simeon, grinning stupidly, on his right. Abran jabbed Kenobi in the ribs, "What's wrong with you, other downing a dozen-too-many Kashyyyki Kamikaze's?"

Obi-Wan grumbled, "I don't particularly relish becoming Sal-Fina's next chew toy."

Abran chuckled, "Don't worry, odds are you won't get picked, but if you are you can have fun comparing notes with your master." Obi shot him a glare but resisted the urge to give him a good smack in the head. He glanced up at the topic of their conversation who was icily eyeballing the fidgeting males. Kenobi then leaned in toward Simeon, "Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck on a frozen pipe?"

Cates winced at the memory of an especially painful childhood dare.

Obi continued, "I have a feeling it would be preferable to locking lips with Miss Coruscant Blue." The healer's dopey smile returned at the prospect of kissing a, well, "movie star". What's taking so long? I just want to get this over with! Ben looked over at the ladies to see Sal-Fina now deep in discussion with Ambianca. *sigh*

*RRowrRogh*

Several of the Jedi in the middle of the men's line looked around trying to pinpoint the noise. A few shrugged, others shook their heads.

*GgluuUUrrrghRooWWWrrrghEEeEeooOg*

An amused Cates piped up, "What was that? Did someone let loose a herniated Ronto?"

A number of the padawans were snickering as Qui-Gon grinned down the queue at Obi-Wan, popped out his belly and gave it a teasing pat. Sounds like it's feeding time for the Temple termite!

Kenobi quickly acknowledged his master and blushed, "Sorry, guys, it's just my stomach. I haven't had anything to eat since this crawl started and I'm getting rather hungry." His tummy growled again in agreement.

Jay put his hand on Kenobi's shoulder, "When this is over, we'll grab a bite to eat at the next cantina, O.K.?"

"It's too late. The cantinas that have restaurant sections have closed them down for the night. It's just alcohol from here on out."

"There are a few snack kiosks nearby that stay open day-round. We'll find something to put in your stomach."

At that moment Sal-Fina, having finished her pow-wow with her padawan, stepped up ready to call forth the next victim. Sal-Fina turned her back and huffed sullenly. What a choice!

�Ten,� she called.

Simeon and Obi-Wan counted down the line from where Sal-Fina stood. Obi-Wan shuddered briefly. For one ghastly minute� She missed me! he thought.

Then he suddenly realized why Simeon was looking so tense.

�That�s you, Padawan,� An-Paj prompted the clearly reluctant Cates to move forwards.

�I�m too young to die,� Simeon implored Kenobi.

�I wish I could say it would be painless,� Obi-Wan said, relaxing now that he was safe.

Simeon closed his eyes and dragged himself step by heavyhearted step towards Sal-Fina.

�You�d think he was under sentence of death!� Dexy whispered to Qui-Gon.

�You don�t know how right you are!� Qui-Gon shivered.

Simeon stood on his toes in an effort to reach Sal-Fina�s considerable height. He was of middle stature, and yet his inexperience only seemed to emphasize the comical difference in inches. He pursed his lips and screwed up his eyes, awaiting Sal-Fina�s kiss.

�What am I supposed to do with you?� Sal-Fina said eventually. �You�re trying too hard. Just relax! And don�t look as if you�re about to Corelli kiss a Dinko.�

�Might be preferable,� Jemmiah muttered to Rela.

Simeon tried to relax, but the thought of everyone watching him was putting him off. Sal-Fina rolled her eyes dramatically.

�Oh, here. I�ll show you.� She pulled him towards her by his braid and locked lips with him.

As the kiss went on, Simeon looked more than a little surprised.

�Is he s�posed to go that color?� Spider asked as Simeon slowly turned purple in the face.

�I�m sure he�s enjoying it,� Jemmy nodded. �Although he might not live to tell us otherwise.�

Sal-Fina let Simeon go abruptly and he retreated a good few paces back from the woman.

�You�ve joined an extensive club, Simeon.� Jemmy heckled. �What does it feel like to have kissed a movie star?�

Simeon wiped his mouth with his hand. �I preferred the frozen pipe.�

*******

�Come on, Cates!� Jay Abran hollered whilst he and Qui-Gon exchanged places in the row. �Get a move on. Or else this delightful bevy of beauties will all have wrinkles before you get anywhere near kissing distance.�

�Some of us are nearer that already.� Jemmiah said pointedly, fixing Sal-Fina with yet another withering look.

Simeon went cross eyed in concentration, and plucked a number out of thin air. �One,� he said.

There was a moment�s nervous silence, which Simeon thought indicated he had not chosen particularly well. �What have I done, guys?� Cates tried to remain upbeat. �Have I chosen to lock lips with a Sith?�

�No.� Jemmy shook her head. �Just her apprentice. You chose Ambianca.�

From the other side of the room Qui-Gon�s eyebrow pointedly warned her to stop baiting Sal-Fina, which only served to make Jemmiah�s blood boil even further. How dare he stick up for her?

Ambianca strutted forwards in a manner identical to that of her master. She�d show how much she�d learned from Sal-Fina� �Let�s get this done and dusted.� Ambianca leaned in and didn�t so much reel him in with his braid like her master, but gave the padawan a sharp tug on his braid and pulled him to her.

�Hellfire!� Simeon shouted, only for Ambianca to smother the word of complaint with her own moist lips.

Jemmiah bit her lip in disgust as Ambianca slobbered all over the poor, hapless apprentice healer. It reminded her of a tame cannoid that she�d once seen in a Cantina. A great big mutt with huge, salivating, slavering jaws and wobbling, fleshy jowls that used to jump up and lick your face, no matter how hard you tried to fend it off with your arms.

At least with the dog you had a fair idea where it�s tongue had been�

She wouldn�t win any prizes for style, that was for sure, thought Jemmiah as Simeon looked about ready to die from lack of oxygen. A swift glance at Sal-Fina revealed that she wasn�t too happy with her padawan�s performance either.

Simeon gave a strangled gasp as they both released each other. Ambianca had a look of smugness on her face. Cates had a look of revulsion.

�How was that then?� Ambianca twisted her braid in pretense of coyness.

Simeon stared at her as if she were mad to even ask. �You know that frozen pipe I said I�d rather kiss?� He grimaced as he checked his tongue to see if it still worked.

�Make it a frozen sewer pipe.�

*******

�Okay.� Ambianca watched as the lines began to shuffle about again. �I�m ready.�

�Turn the other way, pickle brains,� Meri hissed.

As Sal-Fina�s padawan spun round on her heel to face in the opposite direction, Jemmiah got yet ANOTHER Sithly idea. Let�s see how well I can read an individual, she thought.

Leaning over to Rela, just two down from Ambianca and still easily within earshot Jemmiah cleared her throat. �She�ll be fine so long as she doesn�t pick number eight.� The Corellian girl growled softly.

Ambianca heard exactly what Jemmy had said. She was being warned off from picking number eight�and that could only mean one thing. Kenobi. This was just too good a chance of revenge to pass up! �Eight!� crowed Ambianca confidently.

She�d expected screams of anguish, or at the worst a foot stamping session from her rival but what she heard instead was a wave of giggles running up and down the girls� line. Even Depa Billaba and Vernice Ashdal were snickering. The only one who didn�t join in was a rather stunned Sal-Fina.

Turning round, expecting to see Jemmiah�s boyfriend standing out from the line, Ambianca met with a truly horrific sight.

Master Fin-Tial!

�I said she�d be alright as long as she didn�t pick number eight.� Jemmy crossed her arms defensively whilst conversing with Rela.

�You tricked me!� Ambianca nearly wept. �I thought that it was��

�Thought it was who?� Jemmiah grinned. �Take a bit of advice. NEVER try to outsmart a Corellian. It can�t be done.�

�She can�t kiss him!� Sal-Fina was adamant. �He�s too old!�

�I may be old, but the flesh is more than willing!� Fin Tial said lecherously. �I could fit you in as well, if you don�t��

�No, thanks. Necrophilia is not my thing,� Sal-Fina snapped.

�She never used to be so choosy,� Jemmy said to Meri.

�I�m not going to kiss�� Ambianca wailed.

�Oh, just kiss him and have done with it!� Sal-Fina gritted her teeth, backing down. �I�ll buy you a brandy afterwards.�

Ambianca really looked as if she were going to be ill. For the first time since returning from the fresher, Meri took hold of the holocam again. She was not going to miss this!

�Well, youngster. Let me show you a master at work!� Fin Tial boasted.

He grabbed her suddenly, causing her to squeal. Sal-Fina looked on in outrage, Qui-Gon in disapproval and Jemmiah in complete and utter satisfaction as Fin-Tial let his rather over active tongue get to grips with the struggling blonde padawan.

�This is a good game.� Jemmy sighed contentedly.

Ten seconds, fifteen seconds, twenty seconds�the kiss seemed to go on. And on.

Finally, Fin-Tial and Ambianca disengaged.

Ambianca screamed. As she pushed herself away, Master Fin-Tial�s upper set fell out onto the floor. Everyone howled as Fin-Tial bent to retrieve his fallen dentures and Ambianca ran crying into the waiting arms of her master.

"There, there now Padawan, it's over." Sal-Fina comforted her shaken apprentice, who was using her master's tunic to wipe away the excess slobber from her face.

The elderly master walked back to the men's side, teeth in hand.

"Don't even think about putting those back in your mouth without disinfecting them properly." Rela called out from the line, "Sith only knows what's on these floors."

Her suggestion was met with a round of hearty agreement from all the women, and a few of the men who realized whoever the old master's next victim was might well be kissing them. Fin-Tial held them up with a shrug; not sure what to do until Mace Windu handed him a half-filled glass.

"Corellian Red-Eye" Mace informed him, "strong enough to kill just about any germ you've got inside."

"And a few on the outside." An-Paj added with a knowing laugh.

Plunk, Fin-Tial dropped them in the dark liquid.

"This better not stain them," he warned Mace severely.

"I'd be more afraid that they'd dissolve completely," Mace retorted straight face.

"Okay ladies, who's next?" Fin-Tial asked, turning his back so they could make their move. "Number four," he called off as the shuffling noise behind him came to a halt.

Leona smiled with as much good grace as she could muster taking a hesitant step forward. "With or without?" Master Fan-Tial inquired, holding up the glass, rocking it back and forth, the contents 'clinking' loudly against the glass.

"Without, thank you," she answered after a quick glance at the floor.

Sweeping her back, he attacked her like a drowning man grabbing a life preserver.

After no more then three seconds, of feeling the loose, wrinkled lips pressing on hers with a disgusting sucking sensation, she pushed away, causing him to bend forward considerably because of her short stature.

"Arrggh!" he cried out, letting go of the healer, dropping her to the floor. "My back! I pulled my back out. I can't get up!"

Stuck hunched over, the elderly master was helped to the sideline by An-Paj who examined him. "This may hurt for a moment" he said, holding him by the shoulders from behind and giving a small jerk to one side.

"AWWWWWW!" the man screamed, then suddenly stopped, realizing he could again stand straight.

"Well Leona, what was the kiss like?" Qui-Gon asked with a subdued smile.

"A bit past its prime," she answered politely.

With a nervous sigh, she turned her back and prepared to make her own choice. Force give me luck. she prayed silently, before calling out number five. Slowing turning back she was greeted by an overly enthusiastic Dex Berlingside already standing close looking down at her.

Krelo prayed that the datachip in her holocam wouldn't give out before the game did. She was getting far too much excellent footage to want to risk missing a single second. Maybe I can run off copies and sell them, she wondered to herself.

She elbowed the taller woman beside her. "Hey, Lilith. I have a business opportunity for you. Interested?"

"Does it have anything to do with the half-dozen datachips in your pocket?"

Krelo let a sly, sinister smile play across her lips. "Oh yes."

"Count me in then." Lilith smirked and fought hard not to laugh out loud at the antics she and her friend had not yet been called upon to participate in. "We'll make a mint!"

Krelo, unlike her Corellian friend, had no desire to have her number called in this game. There was too much of a chance of ending up in a situation like Leona or Ambianca. But she knew she would give them a good show if she did get called. She was just too much of a ham not to, and she knew it.

Lilith was already counting the sort of profits she and Krelo could reap from the sales of the vid they would make with those datachips. Maybe she could get Jemmiah to handle the Temple end of the distribution. The girl certainly seemed to know her way around. As any good Corellian should.

The freighter captain surveyed the line of men opposite her and appraised each one. Qui-Gon's kiss from earlier had been very nice indeed and she was looking forward to more of the same, even if it was from one of the younger sprouts. Maybe even Jinn's apprentice. Hopefully his master had taught him a thing or two about kissing, though odds were better that it was Jemmiah who had taught him how to kiss like a champion. Corellian girls could always be relied upon for that sort of instruction. Or maybe poor Mace. He deserved a good kiss after the last couple of fiascoes. There were a couple of others that she wouldn't mind locking lips with. She would just make certain to keep her eyes on Fin Tial, listen to the sound of his steps. That way she could avoid him in the lineup even with her back turned. Though she could always just have Krelo tell her which number not to pick.

Dexy winked at the petite healer who was thinking that perhaps it might not be so bad to kiss this one. He was certainly handsome enough. Okay, he wasn�t Qui-Gon, but after Fin-Tial a Corelli Bog-Toad would be preferable. And Dex Berlingside was no toad, more in the handsome Prince line.

She gave a hesitant smile back and placed her hands on his shoulders.

�Don�t worry. I�ll be gentle!� he soothed. �I�ll show you how the Corellians do it.�

He spun her round by the arm, dropped her backwards and placed his lips over her mouth. Griff, Lilith and Jemmiah whooped as Dexy proceeded to bestow the full range of his Corelli kissing upon Leona. Qui-Gon frowned for some reason he couldn�t quite understand. She really seemed to be enjoying herself�

�You�ve got to hand it to us Corellians,� Griff said proudly, �When it comes to the matter of being first rate lovers��

�We�re always on top!� chorused the other two in glee.

Mace nudged Obi-Wan. �Is that true?� he leered.

�Pardon?� Obi-Wan mumbled, red-faced.

�That Corellians are ALWAYS on top!� Windu laughed at the padawan�s discomfort.

�What?� Kenobi asked him. �You mean you�ve never found out?�

Ha! That took the smile off Windu�s face. Obi-Wan gulped and risked a look at his master who was standing next too him. He received the �Jinn stern look no. 4� from Qui-Gon�s vast repertoire of displeased facial contortions, which he correctly translated as �Wait �til I get you home, Padawan.�

Dexy and Leona finally released each other, to thunderous applause from the onlookers.

�Well?� he asked in complete confidence. �How did I measure up?�

Leona fanned her overheated face. �What are you doing tomorrow night?� she asked.

*******

And so the game had gone on. Dexy had chosen Depa Billaba, thus making both Qui-Gon and Mace completely jealous. Depa had chosen Jodi Mullicar who in turn had carelessly managed to pick Junine. Jemmiah had shuddered at that one! A nervous and shaking Bai had been the next unfortunate called to make the supreme sacrifice of being drooled over. When he�d called out Vernice Ashdal�s number he�d almost run and hid under a table. The thought of kissing a master had nearly brought him out in a cold sweat, so much so that he�d only managed to give her the briefest of pecks on the lips before dashing gratefully back to the temporary safety of the line.

Just when Qui-Gon was thinking that nobody would pick him, Vernice called out his number.

�Just like old times, huh Qui?� Vernice grinned at Sal-Fina.

Qui-Gon cleared his throat. His relationship with Vernice had been casual to say the least. In fact so casual that it was almost non-existent. But they had remained on very good speaking terms, unlike someone else that he could mention who was not a million miles away and mentally sticking his effigy with long, sharpened pins�

�Ready when you are.� She smiled, as Qui-Gon bent down to kiss her.

Rela smirked. �That�s real sweet, huh?� she gushed to Jemmiah. �I think they make a lovely couple.� She said it loudly enough for Sal-Fina to hear.

�Mmmm. They look like naturals to me!� Jemmy agreed with considerable relish as she passed out some pieces of flimsyplast to her friends.

�I don�t think I�ve ever seen Master Jinn in action before.� Jemmiah paused. �He�s not to bad for an old guy, is he?�

�I�ll bet she�s glad you cut that beard off him!� Rela observed. �Are these two going for a time record? They�ve been at it a good long while now.�

Right on cue, the couple broke away from each other. They were met with the spectacle of Rela, Letina, Jemmiah, Spider and Meri holding up what looked like score sheets. They all awarded full marks. Except for Jemmiah.

�Why did you not give us ten out of ten?� Jinn wanted to know.

�I didn�t want you to get big headed.� Jemmy drawled.

Vernice returned to the line, leaving Qui-Gon to wait until everyone had taken up their positions. �Ten,� he called.

There was a strange, hushed apprehensive murmur along the two rows as Qui-Gon selected his victim. It wasn�t until he turned round that he�d realized exactly why.

He�d managed to pick Jemmiah.

�I�ll choose again.� Qui-Gon said, much to Obi-Wan�s relief.

�No you won�t!� Mace called out in a loud voice. �I had to kiss that Spider creature TWICE. It�s not going to hurt you to kiss Jemmiah.�

�Don�t count on it.� Sal-Fina watched in interest. How would Qui-Gon get out of this one?

�It wouldn�t feel right,� Jinn insisted, as his hecklers grew in number.

�Get on with it, Qui!� Dexy waved Jemmy over towards him.

�He�ll never do it,� Sal-Fina said to Depa Billaba.

Qui-Gon looked at an ashen faced Obi-Wan and felt rather sorry for his padawan for once. He glanced at Jemmiah�s cheeky expression as she challenged him with her eyes to take the bait. Despite his misgivings he was quite tempted�

But he couldn�t. He�d already told Leona that Jemmiah was like a daughter to him. He couldn�t exactly go ahead and be that intimate with her.

�She won�t do it,� he heard Obi-Wan trying to convince himself. �Anyway, he�s way too old.�

That got Qui-Gon�s attention!

�He won�t do it. He�s too much of a coward,� he heard Sal-Fina say to Ambianca.

�Well, Master Jinn?� Jemmiah stared at him with flashing eyes. �Do you want your kiss now or will you wait?�

Her throwing that quote back at him was the final straw. Obi-Wan saw the glint of battle in his master�s eyes and knew that the challenge had been accepted. Sith! She�s going to kiss him, he thought!

Sith! He�s going to kiss her! Sal-Fina gasped.

This�ll be interesting, thought Jemmiah as she walked over to stand next to Qui-Gon.

�Can I make an old man very happy?� she repeated in a teasing voice.

�We�ll have to see about that, won�t we?� Qui-Gon said in the same tone, aware that both lines were almost crowding round for a better view. He closed his eyes.

I can�t believe I�m doing this�

Obi-Wan was aware of two things as he saw his master bend down to kiss his girlfriend�HIS girlfriend�on the lips. Firstly, he felt his eyes being pulled irresistibly to the floor. It was either that or watch through his fingers. Secondly, people were giving him furtive glances.

This should not be happening, Kenobi thought. Jemmy wasn�t looking particularly unhappy with the situation. His master had looked damned uncomfortable. Mace nudged him again. �Whoa! I�m sure the welfare people would have been interested in this!� he grinned.

�She�s sixteen. She can kiss who she wants,� Obi-Wan growled.

�Is that why you�ve turned that particularly fetching shade of green,� Mace laughed. He whispered in the padawan�s ear. �You know I actually think the old boy�s beginning to enjoy himself.�

�I feel sick.� Obi-Wan closed his eyes in disgust.

�Looks like she�s teaching him a few tricks, huh, Obi-Wan?� Mace crowed.

Kenobi said nothing, merely praying that the whole fiasco would be over soon. Then he remembered that Letina was filming it all�

If Obi-Wan had been feeling bothered by the whole situation it was nothing to how awkward Qui-Gon was feeling. Part of him was saying �damn the lot of them�. The part that was winning was telling him that he should have volunteered to swallow his lightsabre before agreeing to this. But was it so wrong, anyway? They weren�t related or anything. He was no longer her guardian. She was a young woman of sixteen who already seemed to be experienced far beyond her years�

No. He didn�t want to think about that.

The fact was that he still felt responsible for her. It was as if he and Evla shared the parental duties in many ways, and so denying his guardianship seemed to be a bit of a lame excuse for what he was actually doing. And experienced or otherwise, it was sometimes difficult for him to think of her as anything other than a ten-year-old.

Which made things even worse.

She was his padawan�s girlfriend. He didn�t like it, but he had (very) reluctantly accepted it. As Jemmiah kissed him it occurred to Qui-Gon to wonder what his padawan was thinking.

And why the hell when he had been so lost in thought he had been kissing her back!

Sith!

He jumped back, completely shocked. Just how long had they been�entangled�anyway?

One glance at his padawan told him the answer.

�I am so sorry.� Qui-Gon apologized to Jemmiah, completely ashamed of himself, although in truth she seemed more surprised than offended. �I don�t know what I was thinking��

There were a few rowdy remarks from round the men�s line, which caused Jinn�s face to redden further. Sal-Fina looked disgusted. Obi-Wan appeared miserable. Leona seemed embarrassed. Mace was winking at him and Dexy was grinning suggestively.

Across from him, Rela was making thumbs up sign, with a look on her face that told him that she was NEVER going to let him forget this.

EVER.

�I�m sorry,� he mumbled again.

�Didn�t you like it?� she asked warily.

�Like?� Jinn let his eyebrows climb to the top of his forehead. �It felt positively incestuous!�

Jemmiah shrugged. �Felt fine to me,� she smiled, walking over to Rela to retrieve something.

Qui-Gon wished the ground would open up and swallow him. He edged back to his place in the line and stood next to Mace.

�That went quite well judging by the look of things.� Mace smirked.

�Well?� Jinn hissed under his breath. �How could it get any worse? Rela is going to be mentioning cradle-snatching jokes from now to eternity. The other Jedi have me down as some kind of pervert who enjoys stealing his own padawan�s girlfriend. Obi-Wan looks like he�s never going to speak to me again. I have humiliated myself kissing someone I considered to be a daughter.� He stopped, as another terrible thought dawned on him. �And Evla is going to mince me when she hears about it.�

�But apart from that, it went really well,� Mace smiled.

Qui-Gon looked at Jemmiah. She hadn�t seemed the least bit offended, but he couldn�t help but wonder what she was really thinking. Then he got his answer.

She held up the flimsyplast sheet, which sported a great big ten on it.

�Oh, Sithhellanddamnation!� Jinn groaned as the others clapped.

Rela nudged Jemmy. �Your turn again, jail bait.�

�Huh?� Jemmy frowned. �Oh. How do I improve on the last one?�

�Pick your lucky number.� Rela replied.

Jemmiah returned to the center of the two groups and turned round, waiting until the noise of boots shuffling against floor had ceased. She took a deep breath. �Number four.�

If there had been a dreadful, embarrassed hush before then the reaction that followed was it�s polar opposite. �Like master, like padawan!� An-Paj clapped in amusement.

�Give you a chance to compare one to the other, huh Jemmiah?� Berlingside whooped.

Obi-Wan stepped determinedly out of the line without even looking at Qui-Gon. If there was going to be any comparisons made here, he was going to make sure he was the one that came out favorably. Jemmiah watched him cross over towards her as she stood in the middle of both lines. For some reason she felt extremely nervous. Maybe it had something to do with the fact Kryztan was standing as near to her as possible. Or the fact that Qui-Gon was scrutinizing her every move.

Or that the steely look in Obi-Wan�s eye spoke only of reclaiming a possession, rather than the chance of a passionate kiss with his girlfriend�

�I�m ready when you are,� he said bluntly.

Fine, she thought. If that�s the way he wants it�

She heard his stomach growl once more, much to Kenobi�s chagrin. It broke the ice somewhat between them and caused her to laugh. �Come here,� she instructed, �I�ll take your mind off your stomach.�

Despite his annoyance at her kissing his master only moments earlier, Kenobi found the situation just too much for him as she grabbed him somewhat roughly and initiated the kiss. Damn it, he wondered, how does she always manage to do this? Just one flutter of her dark lashes in his direction would make him forgive the greatest of misdemeanors on her part. One smile would reduce him to a quivering wreck.

Lust had a lot to answer for, he thought as he pressed back against her.

�Sith! Don�t you feed your padawan anything?� Dexy asked Qui-Gon in amazement.

�I can see why you call him �the termite�. He�ll eat just about anything!� Mace commented as Obi-Wan clearly began to get enthusiastic.

�I think he�s forgotten where he is,� Simeon whispered to An-Paj.

�I don�t think he cares!� The healer replied. �Not if our little infirmary bed privacy screen situation has anything to do with it.�

�Eh?� Cates asked.

�Long story.� An-Paj frowned as he watched the two of them continue to put some effort into it.

�Somebody get them a bucket of water.� Sal-Fina said sourly, looking at her chrono.

Leona risked a look in Qui-Gon�s direction, but his expression was impossible to read. Only the folded arms indicated that perhaps he thought his padawan was enjoying himself a little too much.

This is heaven, Obi-Wan sighed inwardly. He opened one eye and caught the infuriated Kryztan seething away just yards from where they were standing. He resolved to kiss her even more vigorously.

�Mmmmmm,� he moaned for Kryztan�s benefit.

�Oh, pu-leeeeeeze!� Meri rolled her eyes. �They�re like two Gundarks in the mating season!�

Qui-Gon had up until then felt rather awkward about telling his padawan to speed things up a bit, especially in the light of the kiss he�d just shared with Jemmiah. But this had been going on for the last two minutes�

[Padawan.]

Obi-Wan didn�t acknowledge him.

[Padawan!]

Kenobi responded this time. He gave a contented thumbs up signal.

[Please let Jemmiah get some air.]

[We�re fine thank you.]

[You won�t be if you don�t put her down!]

[But�]

[ NOW, Padawan!]

Obi-Wan glared at Kryztan out the corner of his eye and made the most of his theatrical climax. �Mmmmmmm!� He let go of Jemmiah�s lips, then the pair of them bowed to both lines, receiving rapturous applause.

Kryztan remained silent. War had just been officially declared.

As Jemmiah was about to walk over to the girls� line, Harkley tapped her sharply on the shoulder. �I bet he doesn�t kiss as well as I did,� he said loudly enough for Kenobi to hear, before leaning over and whispering something in her ear.

Qui-Gon was over like a shot.

Jemmiah listened to Kryztan�s words before giving her answer. �If it�s bothering you that much, I�d put some ice on it,� she retorted as Jinn hovered by her side.

�What did he say?� he asked, aware that the others were beginning to stare.

�I was talking about his jaw,� she smiled. �Why, what did you think I meant?�

Qui-Gon watched her take her place beside Spider. �Back off.� He lowered his voice. �All I said was��

�Back off while you can still walk,� Jinn said sweetly.

The threat seemed to register with Kryztan and he slunk back into the line.

�What was that about?� Kenobi demanded.

�It�s your turn, Padawan.� Jinn pushed the question aside. �I suggest you take less time than you did with Jemmiah, otherwise An-Paj will have you down at the healer�s trying to replace your overused tongue.�

Obi-Wan blushed, and waited as the two lines moved about once more. �Thirteen.� he called.

�This�ll be good!� came an authoritative voice from the side.

Kenobi turned round. Lilith Demodae stared right back at him.

�Let�s see what your Corellian girlfriend�s taught you, shall we?� She rubbed her hands.

Obi-Wan gulped. Oh, Sith!

Lilith stepped forward boldly and smiled in a pleased, anticipatory sort of way. "It looks like Jemmiah's not the only one who'll get to compare between Master and Apprentice," she said, referring back to the game of truth or dare. She stopped right in front of Kenobi and bent to close the distance the difference in height created.

"And I'll warn you up front," she glanced up over his shoulder to shoot a flirtatious gaze at the now clean-shaven Jedi. "Your master is quite a good kisser."

That said, Lilith took Obi-Wan's face in her hands and gently pressed her lips to his, deepening the kiss when it became obvious he really did know what he was doing.

Some time later, when she finally stood up, Lilith threw a saucy wink and Qui-Gon and turned to Jemmiah. "Not bad, girl. You've obviously been a good tutor."

That brought laughter from both sides and Jemmiah smiled back at her.

"Hey, Lil, which is the better of the two?" Krelo asked from the sidelines where she had moved to get a better angle on the action.

"Ah," Lilith smiled slow and secretive, "A lady doesn't discuss such things in public."

Lilith didn�t posses the force. Well, at least she assumed so. Still, even she would be hard pressed to disagree that her next partner was an inspired choice. �Eight,� she called roughly.

Turning to face her suitor, Lilith was surprised to see�nobody.

�C�mon number eight. Stop messing about.� She started to count down the line to see where the hold up lay, and then realized exactly what the problem was. Or rather, who.

Kryztan Harkley.

A very intimidated looking Kryztan Harkley. So much the better, thought Lilith as she sported a carnivorous looking grin. Let�s see the little Womp Rat get out of this�

�I�m afraid you might find me too lively for your taste,� Lilith growled in a low voice, �seeing as how I know that you like your women more�passive.�

She watched as Harkley�s face paled, in stark contrast to the dark bruise that had spread along his jaw. Opening her mouth to say something further, Lilith caught sight of Qui-Gon shaking his head ever so slightly, pleading with his eyes for her to say nothing more on what had happened earlier that night.

Instead, she settled for pulling the reluctant padawan towards her and whispering in his ear, �Or do you prefer them unconscious? Is that it?�

Kryztan�s expression changed from wary to half smug in a matter of seconds. Lilith regarded him in contempt. �You�ve played that trick before, haven�t you?� She hissed. �At brothels? Is that the only way you can get someone to give you a good time?�

�What if I have used it before?� Harkley shrugged. �I�ve never had any complaints.�

�Only because your floozies are too drugged to remember the next day.� She placed her hands on his shoulders while she talked, trying to look seductive.

�One doxy�s very much like another.� Kryztan smiled boyishly, looking at Jemmiah whilst he spoke. �That�s what I�ve found.�

That left Lilith�s blood cold.

�If I find out you�ve used that drug on her before I am going to tie both your legs to two swoops and have them fly off in different directions.�

With that, Lilith grabbed hold of his jaw in a vice like grip and wrenched him forwards to meet her lips. As she kissed him, she continued to squeeze mercilessly until the tears were running from his eyes in pain. Nobody else could witness it of course, as she had maneuvered him round so that both lines could only see him from his other side.

�How do you like it now, eh?� Lilith said as she released him. �Not very nice having someone forcing their attentions on you, is it?�

She hadn�t said it very loudly at all, but Rela�s sharp ears had picked up her bitter words. It certainly didn�t take much of a jump in logic to work out what had happened. It was just one more thing that she would have to add to the catalogue of questions she had to ask Qui-Gon. Along with just how exactly Kryztan had come by his injured jaw.

The red haired girl gritted her teeth. Harkley had better pray he never met her on a dark night�

Kryztan struggled away. The woman was a maniac! His bruised jaw was fiery agony now. Tenderly he rubbed it, remembering that his master was watching him. He couldn�t let him think something was amiss. But he took considerable delight in Kenobi�s discomfort as he viewed the padawan haranguing his master with impatient questions.

�Master, I demand that you tell me what�s been going on between��

�Excuse me?� Qui-Gon cut in. �Did you just issue me with a command?�

Kenobi said nothing, but his face betrayed his displeasure.

�That�s better.� Qui-Gon waited until his apprentice had calmed himself down. �First of all, I do NOT take kindly to being addressed in that tone. Secondly, you are sulking like a little child.�

�You treat me as if I am.�

�Stop acting like one, then.� Jinn replied sharply. �I tell you what you need to know, when you need to know it.�

�But��

�I mean it, Padawan. Drop the subject.� He reeled in his temper and said in a much gentler tone, �We�ll discuss this tomorrow. Okay?�

Obi-Wan nodded once, then directed his stare at Kryztan who was back at the head of the lines. The girls wound their way in and out as they hurriedly selected their positions. Harkley had already turned his back.

�Three.� Kryztan said with the hint of a smile in his voice...

*******

�What do I do if it�s me?� Kylenn had asked Jemmiah whilst Kryztan had waited for the lines to reassemble themselves.

�Be sick all over him.� Jemmy growled. �Just keep everything crossed that it�s not you. But if anyone does pick you, my advice is to go in with all guns blazing.�

�How do you mean?� Kylenn asked a trifle nervously.

�If you take the fight to them, you control how long the kiss lasts. If it�s someone you like you can keep it going indefinitely. If it�s not,� she glared at Harkley, �then you can finish it that much sooner. So always make the first move.�

Kylenn nodded. It seemed like sound advice.

�Three.� Kryztan called out.

Krelo stepped out of the line wearing a scowl on her normally placid features. Kryztan observed the look of contempt from close up, trying uneasily to fathom the reason behind it. He was soon left in no doubt.

�Arrogant Sithslime,� she remarked acerbically. �Do you have any idea what they do to people like you on some of the more backward fringe planets?� She spoke in a dangerous voice. � They remove the offenders genitalia and make them eat them.�

�That would be a tragic waste to humanity.� Kryztan smiled. Inwardly he was enraged. Trust Jemmiah to go tale telling. But what could he do about it?

�Is that right?� Krelo�s eyes narrowed. �I really hope you get what you deserve.� She bent over and gave him the quickest of kisses on the mouth and then backed off.

�I wouldn�t want to catch something.� she said so only he could hear. �If I want to kiss immature boys I�ll go to the cr�che and pick one of the babies. I prefer their brand of excrement to the kind you talk.�

Berlingside and Mace exchanged surprised looks. �Is that it?� Mace frowned.

�Yup.� Krelo winked at Lilith as a disgusted and embarrassed Kryztan slunk back once more to stand warily next to Qui-Gon. Everyone was no doubt wondering what their conversation had consisted of and why she had refused to give him no more than a brief peck.

�Five minute break,� called Krelo. �I�m gasping for a drink.�

�Me too.� Berlingside nodded.

Kylenn exchanged a relieved glance with Jemmiah. �I need some fresh air.� Jemmy muttered. �If anyone wants to know where I am��

�Sure.� Kylenn said, looking slightly wistfully after Jay Abran. Jemmy shook her head and wandered towards the exit.

Kryztan watched her leave.

Rela played with her glass of non-alcoholic �fruit burst� for a moment. Perhaps now would be an excellent time to talk to Qui-Gon as she had promised Obi-Wan. She saw the Jedi Master in conversation with Leona and couldn�t resist a smile. Bearded or beardless the man still couldn�t help but draw admirers.

Well, she thought as she prepared to wander off in pursuit. Here goes�

Somebody clumsily elbowed her in the ribs.

�Watch it!� She scowled, swinging round to meet the owner of the offending body part. To her surprise she came face to face with Obi-Wan.

�Don�t s�pose you�ve seen Jemmy?� he sighed. �She�s gone again.�

�Try the ladies �fresher,� Rela said. �On second thoughts, maybe you shouldn�t.�

�It would be about the only chance we�d get to be alone,� Kenobi grumbled.

�Didn�t you enjoy your kiss?� Rela teased.

�Somebody got in there first.� Obi-Wan shot his master a mutinous look. �My only consolation was that it wasn�t Kryztan.� He twisted his braid absently in his fingers. �He�s been thinking of causing trouble for us. Kylenn warned me as much, a couple of days ago but I didn�t believe her. I mean, he�s always been a friend. Not a close one, admittedly, but reliable. He�s got this thing about Jemmy, though.�

Rela listened to him ramble. �Sybelle said he might try something tonight.�

�Try?� Rela snorted into her glass. �More like did.�

Kenobi snapped his head up from the bar surface. �What?� he said sharply.

�Nothing.� Rela replied, trying too hard to cover up.

�Tell me what�s going on. My master says there�s nothing I need to know��

�Then he�s probably right,� Rela answered him.

�You�re lying.� Obi-Wan countered in frustration. �I want to know!�

Rela was torn between two people. It was obvious that for whatever reason Qui-Gon was trying to hush up the whole affair, yet she couldn�t stand the idea of a worthless snake like Harkley being let away with something so serious.

It made her really angry. Nobody did that to one of her friends and got away with it.

�I�I don�t know. Lilith does. And Qui-Gon. But I heard Lilith say that he�d��

�What?� Obi-Wan insisted.

�Well�he�d�forced himself on her.� She couldn�t quite look him in the eye as she spoke the words but then she didn�t need to. She could almost feel the color draining from his face.

The silence that followed felt ominous in the extreme to Rela. It was broken only seconds later by Obi-Wan slamming his glass down hard against the bar surface, making her shoot out her seat in alarm.

�Where is he?� He scanned the surrounding bar for any sight of Kryztan Harkley and found nothing. Rela was now beginning to regret having told him anything. There was a look in his eyes that was not normally there� jealousy? Fury? She didn�t know what specifically except that it was so out of place it was almost frightening.

�Calm down!� She hung determinedly onto his arm. �What do you think you�re going to do?�

�Oh, I�m sure I won�t have any problems thinking of something,� he snapped.

Rela watched as he half closed his eyes. What was he doing, she wondered?

�He�s outside in the backstreet.� Kenobi bristled.

�This isn�t such a good��

�A good what? Do you want him to get away with that? Because he�ll try it again,� Obi-Wan hissed at her. �I�m not having him within a mile of her.�

Rela could understand his anger, but still remained uncertain. Perhaps if she told Qui-Gon he�d know what to do� Kenobi�s eyes widened suddenly in shock.

�What is it?� Rela asked, dry mouthed.

*******

Jemmiah rested her head against the wall of the cantina. If she was feeling truthful, her head was beginning to spin a little. Whether this was as a result of the concussion or too many Flameouts she couldn�t say. The whole situation was starting to get to her. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were barely speaking, and Lilith and Griff were dropping huge hints all over the place as to the �incident� earlier that night. She still had that horrible taste in her mouth, except that it was now accompanied by the equally nauseating taste of the Papyri juice she�d been forced to drink.

Sighing, she tried to brush the whole thing from her mind. It was not something she particularly wanted to recall.

A voice beside her made her jump violently.

�I think we need to have a little talk,� it said.